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I Am... Mama and Writer

First Mama.  Then Writer.  Though, of late, the latter has consumed a great deal of time as I work to get things in order to potentially be ...

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Sunny Afternoon, Raining Evening

WEATHER and my walks
I'm feeling pretty darn bummed right now. This is my second evening of being unable to take my walk due to weather! It was raining from about 5pm until after 8pm last night and currently it is raining down hard. I planned to leave for my walk at 6:30pm, but I would totally go at 7pm as per my usual - except that it's STILL raining! :(

I've been wanting a treadmill lately because I have a VERY difficult time walking for the 80 minutes I WANT to do all at one go. But I can totally do 40 minutes. Even 60 is pushing it some days already. :p But if I could walk on a treadmill when I wake up and then go for my evening walk outside (weather permitting), I could still walk my goal without having constant Braxton Hicks for the last 30+ minutes (when I've done 80 minutes recently, this has been the result). It's not just mild BH, it's intense pain that makes walking quite difficult. So, I obviously don't want to put myself through that every day. When I have been able to walk (no rain), I've only been doing 40-60 minutes lately - depending on headache level. That's another MAJOR annoyance. My head has been pounding REALLY regularly ever since I was sick with the minor version of what Jess had this last weekend. Constant pain is just so... CONSTANT!

Story Time
I have to say I was super pleased and impressed. Today, for THE first time, Kitty Kat SAT for and listened to ALL of the stories read for story time today!!! I was so happy to see her sitting and then the fact that she STAYED that way until the children were getting up to move to the craft area... Well, needless to say, I think, this is wonderful progress, in my opinion!

At least the weather was nice for the girls after Story Time today. We finally made it after missing for THREE weeks! Ruth, our wonderful, sweet librarian was so happy to see us and gave me a big hug. And then she said the sweetest words, "You've lost weight!!!" Actually, I haven't lost an ounce... but I'm right where I have been since I lost those two pounds. My midwife is super impressed and pleased for me! But to be told by someone who hasn't seen me in a bit that I look like I've lost weight was really pleasant! ^_^

Ria was able to make friends with a new little girl named Ava. Her Mama is a teacher, so they'll be coming to story time for the summer. Her Mama, Heather, and I talked a lot and she's quite cool. So, hopefully we'll become friends. She's newly divorced, so potentially has a lot more time to hang out. Perhaps. She knows a lot about subjects I've read on that I don't have others to discuss them with. So, I'm hopeful. :) We'll see.

"The house looks really nice today, Tori. Thank you for working on the dishes and clearing the counter." Sweet words like drops of gas in my love tank! The night after I wrote about Jess not communicating to me in the way I need (Words of Affirmation love tank girl, here) I talked to him about the issue... again... and then told him about the blog post. I don't know which had the greater effect, but I rather think he actually heard some of what I said that night BECAUSE he made specific compliments on my efforts!!! The thing about that - specific compliments - for this WOA (Words of Affirmation) girl - is that general compliments get totally lost in my psyche (most of the time). It's like as soon as someone pays me a compliment (especially someone from whom I crave them!), my brain is like, "This is why they didn't really mean it. And this is what they would say if they really knew how much effort you put in. And if they really knew what to compliment this is how it would happen...." It's horrible and I am usually successful at curbing/silencing the horrible negativity of my inner mind. But when it comes to compliments about my work at home it is so much more difficult because there really IS so much I'm doing (especially when I'm on the ball, like now - as of late) that general compliments don't FEEL sincere no matter how much I might KNOW they are. And even though I KNOW how difficult it is for Jess to communicate to me the way I NEED... I guess it just comes down to how my feelings work and specific words of affirmation speak love to my heart like high octane gas in a vehicle as apposed to watered down stuff in the same vehicle. So, the fact that Jess made mention of the dishes that I'd just been working on AND the counter, which is a huge issue to him, helped me feel TRULY appreciated, which is a rare feeling in this ol' heart of mine! I think it goes without saying, but I'm going to say it anyway, "I'm so happy and feeling really hopeful!" It's wonderful to feel hope!!! Isn't it!??

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