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I Am... Mama and Writer

First Mama.  Then Writer.  Though, of late, the latter has consumed a great deal of time as I work to get things in order to potentially be ...

Saturday, February 27, 2016

Saturday Soliloquy 39: Foo-foo Smelly Stuff

Jessie likes the way girly-type lotions and creams smell. I do, too, but wearing them has always caused me one problem or another. So, I don't. He would, though!
One day, when he went to work at Pitt Master's BBQ, one of the guys noticed that he smelled fruity or something. The guy sniffed after Jessie and kept asking what that smell was. Then another co-worker joined in the questions.
After trying to avoid it for a little while, Jessie told them something like: okay guys. I'm going to tell you a secret. You know those lotions and creams ladies always give to each other? They nod, in understanding. Your Daddy continued: Well, Tori doesn't like them. She won't wear them. And I hate to see them go to waste. So I wear them. And anyway, I like the way that foo-foo stuff smells.
The two guys pause for a moment after hearing this confession and then begin to agree. "Yeah," one says. I like that stuff, too." And the other, "Yeah. My wife doesn't like it either. But I do. I understand man. You do smell good."

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Saturday Soliloquy 38: The First Time I Realized How Others Saw Me (Fat)

It was probably seventh or eighth grade. The school was huge. Salem Junior High in Virginia Beach, Virginia. There were lots and lots of children at that school. I was one in a huge bunch. I was fine with that.
Except when it came time to depart. Finding the bus was, sometimes, a challenge to say the least. It could also be pretty scarry.
I think this particular incident happened on one of the first few days of school... when it's difficult to know where, exactly, the bus I'm supposed to ride is going to be in the lineup. There were, at least, twenty buses in two rows, lined up in the bus lane.
I thought I'd been through the lane once, but didn't find my bus. I was beginning to feel anxious. If I missed the bus, who knows how long it would take my Mom to come get me. It's not like I'm the only child she was awaiting to return from school. She'd have to wait for the others before she could come to pick me up.
As I worried, I sped up a little.
But then the announcement came that all children must board their buses because they would begin departure within 60 seconds. I started to run.
Running did not come easily to me. I was ungangly. I felt fat as all heck and definitely did not have good cardiovascular fitness.
Then it came. The cowardly bully's anonymous call: "Watch out! She's going to cause an earthquake!"
One might suggest that there's no way I could know that the statement had to do with me. However, I do know it did. How? Well, it was made into the middle of the row of buses and I was THE ONLY child in that area as far as I could see in front of and behind me. Believe me, I checked.
My head and heart hurt. Was I really THAT fat? I mean, nobody running could cause and earthquake!
And then someone else: Yeah! An elephant's trying to run! (or something similar)
Children are often cruel. When grouped together in the way that they are in public school, children are often even more cruel than they would attempt to be otherwise.
This is one of the reasons homeschooling, when I realized I could consider it as an option for my own children, was/is so very attractive to me. Find out more in the story about why I chose homeschooling.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Saturday Soliloquy 37: Each House, One House

The Mandelbrot Set. If you haven't learned about it, you must.  If you haven't read about it, you haven't been reading me long! It is the truth of all. All truth is stated in the Bible. Somehow, though, my mind is not able to comprehend all truth as stated in the Bible. So, when I come across something that teaches Biblical truths in a way my mind can readily comprehend, I desire that all those I care about will learn about it and thus learn more fully the truth that is available to increase understanding and overall enjoyment of and progress in life.
There are many truths that the Mandelbrot Set reveals (that are truly taught in the Bible, but were not comprehensible to me until I learned it via this pictorial representation of a mathematical equation). The truth from this math equation in a picture that pertains to a house is this: No Matter how different things look as you zoom into the Mandelbrot Set, you will always end up with the same original picture... unless you first change the original.
If you change, even only one little thing in the original... everything about the whole picture changes BECAUSE the original picture is simply a repetition of every part of itself.
My parents house in Virginia Beach (the only one I clearly remember): 5000 Bark Lane, Virginia Beach, VA 23455-5708, had/has mold problems. Predominantly in the bathroom, but also in their bedroom, the bedroom I slept in, and maybe other areas. But mostly the main bathroom (with a bath) and those bedrooms.
One might suggest that those rooms had mold because of the bathroom with the bathtub and the steam from it and so forth. And, really, that does seem to make logical sense. But I know it is more than that. It has to do with what the bathroom represents spiritually (which, as of now, I have not completely figured out) as well as who is using those spaces. The mold and mildew have even more to do with the people in those spaces than they do the amount of liquid in the environment. Or, perhaps, the amount of liquid is a result of those people.... whichever way, it's all the same.
The first house Jessie and I shared together: 6659 East Virginia Beach Blvd Lot 99, Norfolk, Virginia. The water heater broke while he was out to sea and flooded the master bedroom, ruined the floor in it, and ruined the floor and bathtub in the only bathroom. I don't remember that mold was that much of a long-term problem, but it was definitely a problem until all that was effected was replaced. The carpet (flooring) throughout that house was horrible before and after the water heater caused problem existed. It was disgusting because of its age and wear. We replaced it with new carpet. (Come to find out, carpet is really unhealthy because of the chemicals used in it's creation. Also, the material with which it's made off-gasses and is very unhealthy.)
The next house we lived in: 1303 South Daytona Ave, Flagler Beach, Florida. We only rented this house. The house did manifest the same problem with mold, though far less than the Norfolk house. I believe that is because we did not own the house. We were simply there for a while.
In the 5050 Audubon Ave. De Leon Springs, Florida house, we continued to experience problems with mold and mildew. For the most part, these problems were in both bathrooms (but mostly the master bathroom), in our bedroom spaces (the ones in which we slept), in the laundry room, kitchen, and on the stairs up into the loft. I'm relatively certain that a great deal of the mold was not visible at all. A lot of the water problem was caused by water overflowing from the wash machine. I don't know what the problem was with the washing machine... I think it had to do with something clogging up the place where water would've normally moved from the hookups into the wash area of the machine. It was many many months, probably even more than a year that I labored to take care of our laundry by adding water to the washing machine by a hose from outside. When Jessie had to do some laundry, the machine was immediately fixed. Amazing.
And our current dwelling: a little trailer in Texas. Mold is a big problem. Both visible and in the walls and floors where it cannot be readily seen. Mold is most obviously problematic by both sight and smell in our bedroom, Kat's bed, Ria's bed, and the bathroom. The floor in the bathroom is disintegrating (similarly to the bathroom in the first trailer Jessie and I lived in... in that one the bedroom floor also had to be completely replaced).
So, I wonder a few things. I wonder: what does water represent? What does mold represent? What does mildew represent? What does the bathroom represent? What does the kitchen represent? What do bedrooms represent? Because each part relates... each part is the same as the whole... each part describes and is a projection of the whole. So, the excess of water in our dwellings means something about each of us as individuals, as a marriage, as a family... potentially in decreasing intensity going out from the individual. And I think these houses are Jessie's more than mine... but then Jessie and I are mirrors of each other... *sigh* I haven't got it all worked out yet, you see.
I've been working to figure it out. I believe it has something to do with Feng Shui as well as similarity to reflexology and meridians/chakras for energy movement. I really need to find a good resource. There's just so much OUT there now!
So, each house is the same house... just with a different appearance until you zoom in far enough to see that we return to the original picture. Just like the Mandelbrot Set.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Saturday Soliloquy 36: Didn't Know I Had Boobs

I was in a school in Newport News, I think... in 6th grade. It was during PE class that I learned I was developing breasts in a most unpleasant way.
A boy, a peer of mine, told me that my shirt was see through and I should be wearing a training bra to cover my saggy boobies. I was mortified! I had no idea that I had boobies AND no idea what a training bra was. I'm not sure what I said to him.
I honestly cannot remember whether I told my Mom about this interaction or not. I think I must have, because I think it was very soon after it that I ended up wearing a training bra... much to my discomfort and embarrassment.
This experience is a blessing, though, I think. Among a few others, it has given me a burning desire to inculcate in my girls a pleasure in the process of puberty and pride in their bodies... not a bad pride, but more like a joy in being female. It also has informed my attention to the changes my girls are experiencing because I want to make sure they are prepared far ahead of changes, rather than having to deal with mean-hearted and stinging comments from others noticing what I miss. I'm sure it'll happen... just hopefully not about boobies and bras!

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