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I Am... Mama and Writer

First Mama.  Then Writer.  Though, of late, the latter has consumed a great deal of time as I work to get things in order to potentially be ...

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Another Story from our Moving Experience

The Soul
Our departure day, August 18, 2014 is the day the game began.  We didn’t plan it.  We didn’t really know it would become a game when it started.  It just sort of happened.

As we drove north heading out of DeLand after turning in the Brighthouse box, Jessie spotted three green Kia Souls at the intersection of 17 and International Boulevard.  Two were heading west on International and the other was turning next to us.
During the ordeal of the Blown Tire, Jessie saw a green Soul.

By 7:16pm Jessie spotted our fifth green Soul.  Five is supposed to be a big number for me, numerologically speaking.  I don’t know what it means, but it somehow seems significant to me- even without noting numerology.
I’m pretty sure we saw Souls between August 18th and the 25th, but I didn’t keep track of them until the 25th.  I think it was just sort of interesting at first… and then there were just so many and we would see them at interesting moments, that I started to keep track of how many we saw and what colors they were.

August 25th: gray: 2, green: 1, dark gray green: 1, white: 1, black: 2
August 26th: black: 1, green: 1, silver: 1

August 27th: gray: 1, white: 1
August 28th: white: 4, red: 3, gray: 7, black: 3, green: 3, eggshell: 1, orange: 1

August 29th: green 1, red: 1, silver: 1, black: 1
August 30th: black: 1, green: 1, silver: 1, white: 1

August 31st: black: 4, red: 1, eggshell: 1… of the black 2 had white racing stripes and 1 had red racing stripes
September 1st: red: 1, dark gray: 2, black: 2

September 2nd: green: 4, black: 4
September 3rd: silver: 2, white: 1, gray: 1, green: 1, yellow: 1

September 4th: silver: 1, black: 1, red: 2, white: 2, green: 1, gray: 1
September 5th: white: 2, gray: 1, green: 3, black with red racing stripe: 1, eggshell: 1, brown: 1

September 6th: silver: 1, gray: 1, eggshell: 1, green: 1, white: 1,
September 7th: silver: 1

September 8th: white: 1, white with tiger stripes: 1, green: 1, gun metal gray: 2, orange: 1
September 9th: black: 2, silver: 3, white: 2, eggshell: 1

September 10th: silver: 5, greenish brown: 1, white: 5, eggshell: 2, yellow: 1, green: 5, gray: 1, red: 1
September 11th: white: 1, green: 4, red: 1, gray: 2, silver: 1

September 12th: silver: 7, eggshell: 1, black: 3, gray: 2, green: 3, brown: 1, white: 3, yellow pea green: 1, orange: 1, jade (blueish green): 1
September 13th: orange: 2, black: 1, red: 1

September 14th: we were not out and about
September 15th: black: 3, white: 4, eggshell: 2, navy: 1, green: 3, yellow: 1

September 16th: Mama and the children stayed at the trailer.
September 17th: black: 1, eggshell: 1

The order of the colors is the order in which we saw them, but we may have seen a few of one color before we saw a new color… or one of each.  Sometimes, I’ve seen a color that seems to indicate that my thoughts or feelings are on the wrong track.  Maybe I was feeling upset about something and I then saw a red Soul.  Or the opposite, too… as in seeing the five green Souls on the first day… seems like we’re getting the “green light” to keep going even though the difficulties we were facing might cause me to think we’re doing the wrong thing.
It’s a silly little game, but it’s fun and something positive that Jessie and I did from the first day of our moving adventure.

“For the worth of a Soul is great.” Has come to my mind very frequently during this game.  ;)
The children made a pun… they said: What song would a Soul (car) sing most?  Answer: Then Sings My Soul.  Harharhar  ^_^  Love my silly punny kiddos!

Friday, November 7, 2014

Part of Another Story

Working Title: Sarah's Confession


Yes, cutie.

Mommy, Sarah told me something today.  Something really scary and sad.

Oh?  Won’t you tell me about it?

I want to.  But it’s really scary and she told me I couldn’t ever tell anyone else because something bad could happen to her and her family if anyone ever found out she told me.

Oh! Well, then you definitely need to tell me.

But what if something bad happens to her or her family because I told you?  Then it would be my fault!

No.  If something actually happened to them as a result of you telling me, it would not be your fault at all.  It would be the fault of the person or people who did the bad thing.  Telling me enables me to help you AND Sarah.  She needs help, doesn’t she?

Yes.  I think she does.  I’m just feeling sad and afraid.

You know what I always tell you about feelings, right?

I know.

Tell me so I know you remember it right.

Feelings aren’t trustworthy.  Especially if they are feelings like anger or fear.

That’s right.  And what do we do if we feel angry or afraid?

I should talk to you and Heavenly Father about it.

That’s right.  So, have you talked to Heavenly Father?


And now you’re going to talk to me, right?

I want to.

You know, from experience, that you feel less afraid after talking to me and Heavenly Father.  So, tell me what Sarah shared with you.  I want to relieve you of the burden of her secret.

Okay.  Well… she told me that the boy that lives next door… the oldest one.  You know, Rusty…

Yes.  I know him.

Well, he’s been touching her for a while now and just the other day he made her hold his penis and put it in her mouth.

--little girl starts to cry roughly

Oh, sweetie.  I’m so sorry that has happened to your friend.  She cried when she told you, didn’t she?

Yes.  She just felt so horrible.  You’ve taught me so much about sex so that I can stay safe… so I know how horrible it is that this older boy is forcing her to do this stuff.  I mean, he’s taking part of her away… and she can’t ever get it back.  And she feels yucky and horrible about it all the time.  And I feel so sad for her.  And I’m afraid, too, mostly because she’s afraid.

Lily, you are such a brave young lady.  I’m so glad Sarah has you for a friend.  I know that sharing this with you has helped her.  She was able to share the burden of this horrible thing with you.  How long ago did she tell you?


And you’ve kept it to yourself all that time!  You are so strong!  Thank you for telling me, sweetie!  I love you!!

I love you, too, Mommy.  Thank you for listening.  I feel so much better now that I’ve told you.  But what are you going to do.  I know you’re going to do something.

Honestly, I’m not sure yet.  I’ve never been faced with this sort of thing, personally.  So, I’m going to do some research and figure out just what I need to do.  I will do something.  I have some questions for you, if you feel like you can talk about all of this some more.  The answers will help me figure out what I need to do and when.

I can answer questions.  I think I’m really okay now.

Good.  If you want or need to cry some more, you just go ahead.

Okay.  I’m ready for your questions.

When is Rusty able to do the things he does to and with Sarah?

Well, you know how Sarah’s Mom works twice each week?


Some of the times when she works, Sarah stays at Rusty’s house.

I see.

And since her Mom works really late at night some of those times, Sarah spends the night there.  It started one of the times she spent the night.  But he did it to her during the day, too.  And this last time… when he made her… you know…

Wednesday, November 5, 2014


This is PART of a short story.  If you're interested in the rest, let me know.

“Oh my gosh! It’s ALL my fault!”

“Pearl, are you okay?  What’s all your fault?”

“Did I say that out loud?”

“Yes, honey, you did.”

“Oh, well… I didn’t mean to.  I’m sorry, Mom.”

“Aren’t you going to tell me what you’re so worried about?”

“No, Mom.  Not right now.  I’m not worried about anything, really.  Just thinking through something is all.”

“Okay.  Well, you just say the word and I’m here to help you work through it.”

“I know you are.  Thank you, Mom.”

“It really is my fault.”

“What is?”


“Umm… yeah.  That’s what I asked.”

“I’m so confused.  What do you mean?

“Well, just a sec ago you said, ‘It really is my fault,’ and since we were both sitting here doing our homework, I thought you wanted to talk about it.”

“Oh.  Well, I didn’t realize I said it out loud.”

“You did.  You want to talk about it crazy-head?”

“Stace, I know you say that jokingly, but I’m afraid if I told you what I was talking about that I didn’t mean to talk about, you’d think I really was crazy.”

“Umm… well, I already know you are crazy, so just one more bit of info to confirm what I know won’t make a bit of difference one way or another.”

“Really?  I mean, I don’t think I’m crazy.”

“Yeah, that’s what all crazy people say.  That’s what my Dad’s second wife’s therapist told her, anyway.”

“So… do you really think I’m crazy?”

“Aren’t we all… at least a little?”

“I guess so.”

“Pearl, are you going to tell me what you think is really your fault or not?”

*sigh* “I really do want to.  I’m so tired of keeping it to myself.”

“Okaaay…  Then do tell.”

“Before I share this with you, you have to be prepared to keep it to yourself.  Will you?  I mean, really truly keep it to yourself, Stace?”

“If it’s so important to you, then, yes, of course I will keep it to myself.”

“It really is.”

“Then it stays with me.”

“Okay… so… I’m the reason Felice was killed in the car accident almost two years ago.”

“Ummm… Pearl, you couldn’t possibly be the reason anyone was killed… ever.  You’re practically perfect in every way!”

“Stace… that’s Mary Poppins!”

“And YOU!  Seriously.  You didn’t kill anyone.”

“You’re right.  I didn’t kill her.  But it is my fault she died.”

“Why in the world would you say that, crazy-head?”

“Because it’s true.  I feel so much relief just telling you that… I haven’t told anyone since I found out and it’s been more than a year now since I realized.”

“First of all: it isn’t true.  Not as far as I can tell or imagine.  You’re going to have to do a lot better to convince me that you had anything to do with Felice’s death.  AND: what is it you found out or realized?”

“I don’t really want to convince you.  And telling you anything else really will.”

“Pearl.  I love you.  We are best friends and have been almost forever.  We’re getting married, for crying out loud!  We will be best friends for the rest of our lives.  Any trial that comes will eventually make us closer and stronger together – as long as we’re completely honest with each other and work to that end.”

“I believe that’s true.”

“Okay.  So, tell me why you think you are the reason Felice is dead.”

“Stace, I really don’t want to tell you.  But I’m going to trust you: my Mom got her liver.”

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Upon Attempting to Leave FLorida

August 18, 2014

We finally departed our De Leon Springs house, which was no longer ours, by 10:18 am.  Jessie was driving since he already had experience pulling trailers.  He was stressed while driving, but all was going well when a tire blew out on the trailer.

Although we did swerve widely and it was alarming, we were kept perfectly safe.  Jessie pulled off the road in preparation of changing out the tire that blew.  Thankfully all that was needed for that was readily accessible and he diligently set to work in the sunny heat at almost noon.  (The tire blew around 11:30am.)

After he’d been working for a little while, I started to feel sick and couldn’t ignore the impression that I had to get out there and help him.  Although I physically was not much help, it could be that my presence with him prompted a man and his wife to stop and help.  The fella, Daniel, a waste water worker for the National Forestry, was far more helpful as a result of his considerable upper body strength.  He’s a guy, after-all.  Additionally, he was able to counsel with Jessie over the spare tire we had… but which didn’t work!  In my observation of buys in stressful situations, counseling together is almost always as helpful as or more helpful even than the “helper” guy physically doing anything.

Susan, wife of Daniel, was a pleasant lady with whom I was able to have a chat.  She shared a bit about their experience on that particular road.  Though she did not say it, basically stopping to help people who seem stuck on the side of the road is a ministry for them.  Praise the Lord for His perfect timing.  Among other things, Daniel recommended a tire shop down the road.

After our road-angels departed, we headed to the tire shop with the blown tire.  It was more than 10 miles in the direction we wanted to go, but, of course, we had to go back to the trailer to put the tire on it.  On top of everything else, we saw rain and drove into some when we went to a gas station to use the restroom.

When we got back to the trailer, Jessie was able to get the new tire in place without any problems.  He went around the other side to check on the other tire and found it completely flat.  Praise the Lord!  I’d just been worried that we would get on the road only to have the other one blow out as badly or worse than the first one did.  So, he took that one off and we set out to the same tire place.  We were going to replace it anyway (Jessie had already paid for it), but were hoping to drive the trailer to the tire shop.  I’m sure this way was much safer, although significantly more time consuming.  On this trip, we drove into and through rain.

The fellow at the tire shop was worried about us because it took longer than he expected for us to return.  He was also worried that we were going to get drenched because the rain was fast and furious where it fell.  We’d definitely seen that and I think Jessie was just accepting that he would get really wet eventually.

The rain was falling hard when we returned to the trailer.  I hoped and prayed that somehow Jessie wouldn’t have to get totally soaked.  I didn’t know how that could happen since we drove into heavily falling rain as we returned to the trailer.  The rain continued to fall heavily as we u-turned to get on the right side of the road and even as we pulled ahead of the trailer so that Jessie could back up to it and get in place for reconnecting it to the van. The rain slowed a little as Jessie backed up and the Lord mercifully blessed us with a complete cessation of the rain as Jessie got out of the van to get the tire and put it in place!  We were both a little shocked and super grateful.  Jessie said, afterward, “See.  I told you I am His favorite.”  Yes.  Yes you are, Jessie… just as we all are.  And in a way that only works with God… It’s a fact that we are each His favorite and the truth that we are each His favorite doesn’t decrease the favor in being His favorite!

Replacing the second tire also went smoothly and we returned to our journey west without further incident… at least, free of the tire blowing kind!

Romans 15: 13, “Now the Go of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope through the power of the Holy Ghost.”

If you are among those of my friends who have been waiting long for this story, I'm so sorry it's taken THIS long to get it onto my blog.  I have it partially formatted for a group I participate in - we share lessons we learn from our lives.  Pretty cool, right?  :)

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