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I Am... Mama and Writer

First Mama.  Then Writer.  Though, of late, the latter has consumed a great deal of time as I work to get things in order to potentially be ...

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


Were you able to attend my wedding? Or did you get to see pictures? Well, if you had to answer NO to either, then you might not understand this post without a bit of info. I apologize to those for whom this info is redundant or annoying because you've "been there/done that".

Jess and I had a wonderful wedding that started out as a party and ended as a party with the wedding in the middle. It wasn't just any ol' party, though. It was a masquerade "ball" of a party. Our wedding favors were actual masks to which we attached our wedding info. We had ALL kinds of masks. Here is a taste of the variety we had to give to our friends and family: we had Mardi Gras feathered masks, half masks, full masks, animal face masks, goofy people masks, and more. Every aspect that we could think of, for our wedding, was full of symbolism. The masks symbolize (not too difficult to figure) the faces that people wear out of necessity during phases or through experiences in their lives. Neither Jess nor I actually wore a mask for our party/wedding, but we did wear the symbol of the nickname the other gave. (Jess is my king, he wore a crown. He called me his angel, so I wore wings. You get it, right?) ^_^

Well, I think every person has masks that they wear in real life. It's not as obvious as sticking on a Mardi Gras full feather mask, but happens none-the-less. I know I certainly have a Mean Tori mask that comes on at times. My whole life has been a struggle to make that particular mask less horrible, if it comes out, with the ultimate goal to never wear it. I guess that's probably not so terribly unusual. Lots of people probably have that same mask to struggle with. Well, for the first few years Jessie didn't have it, as far as I knew. I have come to recognize his... MUCH more subtle than mine, for sure. But... in a way the subtlety just makes dealing with it that much difficult, in my opinion. Anyway... more recently (the past 2 years, perhaps), Jessie's mean mask has become, in my mind, his "jerk costume". When he puts it on, I put on my own costume relative to a girl. Didn't you know I tend to mirror for others what they put out toward me? Yep. It's not a talent, really, it's quite horrible because not only do I mirror, but I intensify and sort of cook-it-down, so the person pushing out meanness gets at least as much back as they push to me.

Basically, I'm explaining that Jess and I had a really horrible night last night. He was mean and I was nasty right back. Thus, my hell of yesterday and today.

My girls are surely the most wonderful cherubs (without being truly perfect, of course) on the face of the planet. I hope, of course, that if you are a parent you will completely and utterly disagree because your own children should be exactly what mine are to me. You need not tell me how wonderful your kiddos are, I'm sure, and I'm glad for you! ^_^ Anyway... yesterday was a really rough day for me and my girls were just SO easy! I know women who have a difficult day and their kids are more troublesome than normal. And, I'm sure, there have been days like that. But not lately for me, with my girls. I am so blessed!!!

1 comment:

Heidi said...

I hope you are having a better day today! Call me because I'm worried about you.

You are so fortunate to have such sensitive children. Children often do misbehave when their mother is having a bad day because they sense the tension or sadness and will feel it too. I have seen this happen with my own children. The good news is, I can usually get them to behave by simply changing my own mood-- even if I have to fake it.

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