Featured Post

I Am... Mama and Writer

First Mama.  Then Writer.  Though, of late, the latter has consumed a great deal of time as I work to get things in order to potentially be ...

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Making Tigger and How It Tells on My Parenting

Perhaps this sort of thing is true for most parents. Unfortunately, most people wear "church face" all too often. So, I really don't know. Most people won't confess the things they do wrong. They focus on the good and only admit the difficulties and atrocities* of their daily lives to a chosen few. Unfortunately I'm not one of the chosen few with many, so I don't think I have a real understanding of most others' families or the parents' feelings about their parenting.

Eyeore is a representation of me as a Mama because even though I may have had some "instructions" available, I didn't understand how what I was doing would effect the end product much of the time. So, I did what I could understand. That's the thing about crochet directions and wise counsel from parents and/or The Lord. Just because I can't visualize the result of something in crochet (but ESPECIALLY when Father directs it), doesn't negate the necessity or usefulness of it! I just didn't understand that then as I do now. As with Eyeore, I feel as if I see my mistakes in Ria. And I feel a depth of sorrow and heart acheyness that I don't have the ability to describe... even with my love of Words!

Ria is wonderful and amazing. She is far better than my parenting accounts for. I'm not saying she's a bad result at all. Rather, I'm taking responsibilty for some negatives that seem to originate from times when I didn't follow the "instructions" as I could and definitely should have.

Pooh is "better". Now, that doesn't mean Kat is better than Ria. Admittedly I have an easier time dealing with Kat, but I REALLY believe that has more to do with the fact that she's SO MUCH a mini-Jessie in SO MANY ways. Jess is difficult, but at least I know how to deal with him. Thus, in learning strategies that word in dealing with him, I understand more how to deal with her. Also, I think it could have a LOT to do with the fact that I never had to leave Kat every day during her first year of life, so I have a MUCH greater understanding of her than Ria. Even if Ria was just like Jess, I think my difficulties with her would still exist for the latter reason mentioned.

But Pooh IS better because I was more knowledgeable. I was more trusting of and in the instructions. I was more willing to do things that I didn't understand because I figured they were in there for some good reason or another. And THAT is definitely appropraitely broadened as a symbol of ME as a Mama! Will Kat be generally better than Ria? I have not a clue in the world. She's her OWN person... only time will answer that question. But I have to admit that when I see her, the mistakes that are MINE are less obviously apparent both to the naked eye AND any other observer. My pain over mistakes I know in her is not as heart achey.

Tigger is still in pieces. I'm confident, though, that when I finish this doll he will be almost perfect BECAUSE I follow the directions as closely as I can. I know that they are there for a reason and that they will result in a good end product. I don't try to figure out why the instructions are important along the way and then detmine if they should be followed. I follow them with little questioning in my mind. I have experience with the whole process and feel confident in my ability (almost totally lacking when I made Eyeore and not as firm when I made Pooh as it is now).

Does that mean that I'm confident that there will be even less for me to feel heart-achey over when I look at Tea when she's 5. No. Unfortunately my confidence as a crocheter is MUCH greater than that which I feel as a Mama. But, I do have a great hope that when I look at her I will see fewer mistakes made by me in my parenting of her! I have hope that my ability to understand and discern Father's Will AND my humility in application of it is making me into the Mama HE knows I can be. And THAT is all I want to do and be: what He knows is a possibility! He remembers me from time immemorial! He's the organizer and Father of my Spirit, but my intelligence existed with Him. So, He knows far better than I can even begin to comprehend or consider what my potential is and how to utilize my specialities. So, if I can continue on this path and realize His plan for me, I will have done something about which to feel great pleasure!

*Remember the (*) in the first paragraph? This is a comment about that word:
I am an English language person. I don't always use high diction, but I love adjectives and words in general. Please keep in mind that I love to write and am not, in actuality, referring to any real atrocity. The nature of the word means something beyond extreme. While I admit to some extremes, I don't actually think "atrocities" are or have been experienced in my life or family. Extreme difficulties and trials, perhaps. But no atrocities. It's hyperbole! It's a writing thing to keep or pique a reader's interest (if you weren't sure what hyperbole is).

This is the second part of a two part tale started HERE. So, if you'd like the rest of the story, click on over.

No comments:

copyright notice

© 2008-2016 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved


sitemeter

statcounter