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I Am... Mama and Writer

First Mama.  Then Writer.  Though, of late, the latter has consumed a great deal of time as I work to get things in order to potentially be ...

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Jess at Home

Today and tomorrow Jess has off from The Club. I was up SUPER late doing ChaCha last night, so stayed in bed later than "normal" today. I was up, basically, until 4am and didn't leave my bedroom until just after 1pm! While that may sound like "the life," it REALLY is NOT! I had, prior to starting ChaCha, just started to be able to sleep most of the night... this is a HUGE deal for me because I've had tremendous sleep issues for quite a long while. For the most part I've coped, but it was really REALLY nice to start to feel sort of normal with the whole sleeping at night thing going! That didn't last long, obviously. I have to say, in comparison of sleeping by day/working at night OR sleeping at night/being up during the day, the latter is MUCH preferable!!! The quality of my sleep is downright pitiful. Not only because the girls are up for MANY of the hours I'm trying to sleep, but because SO IS THE SUN!!! It's difficult and frustrating, but I'm coping - as always. When Jess is able to more fully provide for our family, I will definitely cut back on the ChaCha and do it only as possible during the day and for a SHORT time after the girls go to sleep! It's just wearin' me down, man!

On the positive side, Jess is experiencing a LOT more of the frustration that comes with dealing with our daughters for MANY hours. He's still only got them, on his own, for about 4 hours... MAYBE a little more. Usually a bit less, actually. But by the end of the night tonight, he was the way I feel after 12+ hours with them! It was rather comforting to me, in a way... and frustrating in another way. Comforting because I feel like we're definitely in the roles that we should be in (with me staying home to care for our kids), but frustrating because with the way things are going he will be able to take vacation after the baby is born. The point of that is for him to take over EVERYTHING for a week after the new baby arrives so that I can rest and stay in bed with the baby. This is something each of our previous midwives have wanted me to do. With Ria, I sort of did... but at the same time I had to get geared up for returning to work, so I was pumping before the end of the first week to build a stash and did shopping by the end of that week for things I thought were necessary. And then, after Kat was born... we were moving when she was only 3 weeks old, so I had 2 days of "respite" that I allowed myself and then I was packing and cleaning and DOing WAY too much. As a result my body was WAY wrong for WAY too long. I'm NOT going to repeat THAT... and really, I want to have the experience I missed out on after the first two... just being a Mama getting used to a new baby! So, I'm worried that Jess is going to go absolutely BONKERS with having to take care of the house, fix meals, AND deal with our two older kiddos! YIKES! We'll see how that goes, eh? :)

Another depressing amount of time on the my walk today. A sweet friend shared some encouraging words and I'm grateful for them, regarding my walking time yesterday. But I can't help feeling frustrated about it (and today's!) because I've been trying so hard to keep active this pregnancy so that I'll be healthier and have a smoother labor... and then I'm not even able to maintain my time for the walks! The distance had already become pitiful before my experience Sunday, but I accepted that because the belly really does add something - even if it's not weight - that made the 4+ miles I was walking just NOT do-able! I'm still the same weight, but my breathing is greatly impacted lately (and the baby is low, NOT in my lungs at all!), I sweat profusely even when walking at what I KNOW is a leisurely pace for ANYone else... it's just crazy! But then to not even feel able to keep going for 1/2 as long as I was walking! UGH! Today was a little better, at least. I was able to walk for 34 minutes... but I was completely and utterly exhausted when we got home. Jess came with me and we let Ria walk... I'm sure he was completely unimpressed with my speed, but he kept saying he was just glad to get out of the house. He wasn't winded and definitely didn't break a sweat. I actually walked a bit faster with him along (even though I didn't mean to, I felt guilty when I asked him to slow down), so the sweat was literally dripping and pouring off of me! I sweat pretty easily, but NOT like THAT!

Oh, and just as an update... my back is still VERY tender and slightly painful (I think just as a reminder so I don't overexert). My belly hasn't had cramping (YEAY!!!), just BH when walking, and is only tender in the obliques (from the barf fest). My back is painful in the way it was when I thought I was in labor AND as a result of the throwing up (they are two totally different sensations!), but thankfully it's definitely a lot less. Hopefully it'll be completely gone by the end of the week. We'll see.

Not a lot going on here, really. Just blabbering about lots of nuthin'. ;) Thanks for caring and reading me here! I'll be back soon, I'm sure.


Heidi said...

Tori, Tori, Tori...this is your THIRD pregnancy and most women I have talked to have said that the third one was more difficult on their bodies than the first two. I think you wouldn't be able to go on walks at all right now if you hadn't been doing it all along. With my third, when I only had 5-6 weeks left, I was experiencing incredible pain in my hips and back. With 2-3 weeks left, I was in so much pain that walking from the bedroom to the kitchen would often make me cry. I was praying for Heavenly Father to please let Joshua come as soon as he is ready and would be born healthy. He answered my prayers and Joshua was born 10 days early! I was so thankful! Listen to your body because it tells you when to stop so that you won't hurt yourself. 34 minutes of walking is a great walk for someone not 8 months pregnant!

I can't wait to see what you have!

John Monteith said...

Hey, Tori, just want you to know that even though I never comment, I've been subscribed to your blog for a long time now--just found the link to Jessie's blog, too--and I've been following your posts. I think you guys are tough and brave, and I'm glad you always manage to take the time to write and reflect. Hang in there, girl.
(Seriously, though, that graphic of the baby on your blog? It's HUGE! You know the baby comes OUT, right? Man, I'm glad I'm not you, is all I'm saying.)
I kid. Love, John

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