Featured Post

I Am... Mama and Writer

First Mama.  Then Writer.  Though, of late, the latter has consumed a great deal of time as I work to get things in order to potentially be ...

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

On Being Disbelieved

It's just a small annoyance, really.  A blip on the radar, compared to lots of bigger and more troubling things that have occurred in my life.  But, unfortunately, like on a radar, the blip keeps popping up every time that sweeping arm circles 'round again.  And so I wonder, "Why is it that my intelligence is so frequently quesitoned/tested by males with whom I interact (real life/FB/doesn't matter)?  Why is what I say/write so often disregarded or disbelieved by males with whom I have contact?"

Please do not mistake me.  I am not the smartest girl in the world... blog-o-sphere... block... in my church group... circle of friends... whatever.  I know it.  I'm totally okay with this truth.  Honestly, the other day I was thinking about a lady I admire who is MUCH smarter and generally intelligent than me and I just kept thinking how wonderful it was to feel such a desire to emulate her and become smarter than I am now.

When individuals who tend to be male seem to believe that I haven't got a bit of sense in my head... well, it's pretty annoying.  It's just annoying to me.  Would that annoy you in any way, shape, or form... ever?
 "Why in the world would I think such a thing?"  I can practically hear you wonder this question as you read.

Well,  I'm glad you asked, cause I wanted to explain that a little.

I'll start with my good man, my husband.  Obviously I love him.  He IS a REALLY good man.  And he says he knows I'm smart.  That's one of the reasons he loves me, from what he says.  However, when I learn things... things that are contrary to the mainstream way of doing or thinking, especially... he discounts the value of the new information I have learned because... why?  Because I, tori, share it with him.

"Why would I think THAT?"

Well, because he fights me on decisions which impact our family which I have made about these unpopular (often generally unkown bits of information), which I have gained as a result of personal research and witnesses of the Holy Spirit until...

wait for it...

Until he hears the same thing from another male... whether a friend, aquaintance, voice on a podcast... doesn't really matter.  He finally believes me when he hears the same thing from another male.
How freakin' frustrating is that?  I mean, would you feel frustrated by that behavior from your man?  Well, it's frustrating to me.  Seriously.
And this has now been going on for, at least, the last 5 years.  Honestly, it's been going on since we got married and maybe even before, but MUCH more pronouncedly since I began to learn greater amounts of "alternative" information with greater frequency.
But it's not just him.  If it was limited to my husband, well... I guess I could understand because of issues from his childhood and the whole man-want-dominance-thing.  But it's not.

I guess, though, that last sort of phrase with the hyphens could explain a good bit of the problem across the board, eh?

I shared some info with a couple/few brothers of mine (literal brother from the same Mother) and they didn't believe a bit of it.  When they found similar information online and then dug a bit and found lots more of it they changed their minds.  But they didn't believe me.  And my Dad is in the mix, too.

Okay, so family... well, they know me too well, so I could just explain it away with that.

But no.  It's not just male family members.  (Yes, some female family members just don't believe me, either.  But it's pretty much across the board with the guys.)

I make Public posts on Facebook.  Some on purpose, some because I forget to change the little thingy at the top (or is it the bottom) to Friends only.  And there is one fella with whom I've now had two experiences.  And having two is pretty important because they played out REALLY differently for a rather exasperating (to me) reason.

The first experience: I shared something that is a non-mainstream perspective.  I have researched it and believe strongly that the mainstream perspective is kinked.  It's been spun so much that there are knots in it that cannot be unknotted.  Anyway... this fella commented on my post.  So, I commented back with further information.  He commented back in such a way that I knew this guy wasn't going to back down and was already basically saying I didn't know what I was talking about.  So, I didn't respond again.  He's going to believe what he believes both about the subject and me.  I can't (and don't want to try) to change his opinion because I don't need or want the excitement (aka: drama).  I increasingly feel a GREAT distaste for conflict and arguement.
Next time I posted something similar (non-mainstream perspective)... This time I was simply not going to respond to his comment (which seemed to me to be another push to try to engage me in reparte which would lead to nothing because he wouldn't change his perspective because of ME).  This first comment of his looked like the first comment on the other post... relatively non-confrontational.  But I have used up my patience for other people trying (or seeming to try) to convince me that I don't really know what I'm talking about.  As it happened, Jessie was home and looking at my FB and I shared my annoyance with him.  Then, I offhandedly asked if he wanted to comment on my post.  So, he went into his FB and commented.  Wanna know what happened?


Yep.  That's right.  That fella who pressed me in a testing/disbelieving sort of way after my response to him in the first instance, totally backed down when Jessie responded to him.  He made some comment about how he lived in Cananda (so he wouldn't know about that subject because it was USA contained).  WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?

I actually really put a great deal of thought and effort (read: pondering and prayer) into the things I believe and position I take on every subject on which I have a position.  I don't just go willy-nilly grasping onto ideas that are different just for the sake of thier difference.  I know there are those who believe this of me.  I've had this very accusation verbally flung at me face-to-face, as a matter-of-fact.  Not a pleasant experience, I can guarantee you.  Very painful, actually.  I've never been shot, but I have accidentally cut myself pretty deeply... and the pain is almost exactly like that!

Whoever originally came up with the foolish little childhood ditty:  "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me," obviously never experienced attacking words flung at them from a loved one.  Cause you know, this can easily be true of words flung at us from those we are not wide open to (wide open referring to our hearts and energetic systems).  Anyway...
My question at the outset remains: why is it that the men in my life... family and not... seem to think information from my mouth is not worth much?

No comments:

copyright notice

© 2008-2016 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved