This last week went well as far as meditation goes. I was able to complete at least a short meditation each day. Short means at least 19 minutes (if the timing is perfect and babygirl sleeps or plays happily the whole time). Usually it's at least a few minutes longer than 19 because life happens!
Lately I've been noticing that I am performing habits that I feel very little attachment to... but feel stuck in the performance. I've been working, very consciously, to allow myself to release many things/people. Most of the releasing involves releasing a desire for things to be my way. Let me tell you... that's a DIFFICULT thing for this planned to do!
Among the things I feel little attachment to, but still fall into the habit of is anger. I've had this habit of anger for a very long time. I believe it is among the generational curses I've agreed to before I entered this portion of my journey. I desire to change relational interactions, yet feel stuck in the habits formed with others. On one hand, I yearn to force the situation to be different RIGHT NOW... but when I've done that in the past, it simply hasn't stuck.
Kundalini Yoga has been changing me so seamlessly that I feel a great curiosity to see how things will progress. I know anger is being leached out of my Spirit and Life. I'm so unbelievably grateful! I feel light and love filling in the vacated spaces of/in me. So, my outward behaviors will certainly change (have already changed a LOT). In one way, I'm anxious for it to happen NOW (of course... because I like things to get to the good fast, of course), but I'm willing to wait because I want things to improve for the long-term, not just for a little while.
If I've learned anything in my few years here, it is that for me to change permanently (or with any kind of REAL permanence) it often must be accomplished much more slowly than I would prefer. I look forward to sharing (in a few weeks? months? year?) how things have changed!