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First Mama.  Then Writer.  Though, of late, the latter has consumed a great deal of time as I work to get things in order to potentially be ...

Thursday, June 21, 2012

When a Partner Refuses Children

I don't have all that much experience with this subject, but felt like I must write something about it.  I'm really not sure why because I don't think there are all that many people (other than my fam) who read here, but here goes!  ^_^

So, I know of some folks who are not in agreement.  It's so very difficult to be in a place of not agreeing with your spouse.  I DO know a LOT about THAT, unfortunately.

Anyway... I know a couple ladies... good Christian ladies, strong in the LDS Faith (at least, seems to me they are) who refuse to have any more children even though their husband desires more and feels strongly that they should have more.  I know, for sure, that at least two of the ladies I know of  are afraid of having more children.  One of them is afraid because of health reasons.  The other is afraid because of a combination of health and financial reasons.

I love all the people I know who refuse more children.  I'm not standing in judgement of them.  I simply do not understand their refusal.  I used to feel angry about this lack of understanding on my part and I'm sure others may have misunderstood and thought I was angry at them...  But, you see, I think I'm pretty okay in the intelligence arena.  I'm not the cream of the crop, or anything, but I can wrap my mind around some pretty interesting and possibly even dificult subjects.  But I simply cannot wrap my little brain around refusing more children.  I mean, I understand the words these folks speak, but I just don't get how those words jive with their Faith.

Don't get me wrong.  I have my own issues where Faith and trust mash and don't mesh.  I have begun to remember something from my childhood and it has caused some seismic shocks unlike any of the transformational psychic shifts I've experienced in the last 8 years.  And the shock waves issuing forth from the partial memory remembrance have, combined with other experiences (a plethora, actually), created the circumstances in which I have made certain choices about trust.  To trust or not to trust, that is the question.  And I've chosen to cut way back on trusting as a result of my experiences.  There are those who would say that this is counter to having Faith and I would simply respond that they don't have enough information... and, sorry to say, but I'm not sharing the pertinent data.  In fact, I would say that I have been Led (of our Father God) to cut way back on trusting.  He is teaching me to be other than my nature.  Makes perfect sense, really.  The natural (wo)man is an enemy to God.  My nature just happens to be a bit too open as far as God is concerned.

However, when I ask whether the decision (among those I have ventured to probe this deeply) to refuse children was inspired of the Lord, I have yet to receive an affirmative answer.  The responses rest heavily on the understanding of men... the philosophies of men, if you will.  I know of one couple who recently had their final child.  I never asked, because it came up in the course of conversations, but this family truly believes that Heavenly Father has approved their family size.  And to the extent that I understand this family, it seems likely that they are absolutely correct.  I understand that.  I feel sorta sad that they are so young (younger than me and not having more children just seems young... silly, but still!),

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