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I Am... Mama and Writer

First Mama.  Then Writer.  Though, of late, the latter has consumed a great deal of time as I work to get things in order to potentially be ...

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


Have you ever lost something you never really had? Well, I guess, in truth, anything ANY of us lose (as far as things) fits in this category because it's all gifts on loan from our Heavenly Father! But... I mean, have you ever thought you would be able to get something, do something, or go somewhere and felt great joy over it; only to realize that it wouldn't happen? Doesn't feel good.

But then, sometimes I think, the looking forward to WHATEVER is the thing that sort of pulls us through a rough patch or gets us over a hurdle. I know this is true for me now. My family will not be making the trip to VA as we thought and planned for the end of June/July. We just don't have the ability to gather the funds for that as well as everything else in our lives that we HAVE to pay for and would like to pay for. Examples of HAVE to pay for include our midwife: $3200, gas for the trip (were we to make it): $800+, lost wages from making the trip (see prvious parenthesis): $460+, and a sort of non-monetary issue, but something really significant that was causing me lots of stress is that we would be using all of Jessie's regular vacation time. This last item on the list is particularly distressing because I have been planning for him to take 1-2 weeks off after the baby's birth for us to sort of bond as a family. We have NEVER before had that sort of opportunity and I really yearn for his help and that time together. When Ria was born, Jess was in school and only took a day off to help me through labor and delivery. He left the hospital that night to be able to make it to school the next day. When Kat was born he was working two jobs and we were preparing to move. We actually departed when she was exactly 3 weeks old. Jessie's presence at home after the birth becomes an even greater issue if I do end up having twins! (Always a possibility.) And of course, there are things we would like to afford that we just wouldn't be able to if we made the trip to VA. THOSE things I would be happy to sacrifice if we could reasonably make the trip without straining our budget too much.

On the positive side, since I'm trying to "Pollyanna-Up" in my life, we won't spend as much money since we're not going. (So obvious, but this has implications all over the place.) We'll have more money to spend on food storage, which I know I've mentioned has been a huge concern for me as of late. I'm pretty sure I will also be able to scrounge enough money together for the girls to take at least 1 month of swim classes, which is pretty important to me since we live on a barrier island! I will be able to start saving for next year's dance classes (TWO girls in dance... LOTS more money out each month!), we'll be able to completely pay off our midwife by week 36 (which is when we are supposed to complete payments) without cutting into food money or having to delay dance class or something like that, and we'll still be able to do little things together like eat out when we go to the temple.

We are starting a July 2009 trip to VA fund. Jess and I discussed that likelihood that even if some big changes occur (as he thinks they will) he will be able to take time off by then for a trip. So, we get 6 checks a month and we'll be saving something out of EACH one. We'll be in VA July 2009. Not sure of the dates, of course, but that's the month. :)

On to a much more exciting and positive form of losing. ;) So far the scale has moved down 2 pounds in the last two weeks! I'm so happy and excited. Tomorrow I see my midwife and I'm so excited to hear how happy for me she will be. I'm also curious what HER scale will say because it seems rather kind. ^_^ I'm so very pleased because I know from all my studies that 2 pounds per week is the best/safest weight loss (as opposed to more). So, give that I'm preggie, the 1 pound a week is really comfy for me. I feel it is very safe. Also, I measured myself last night. Comparing my measurements to the last time I did it (October 2007: SEVEN months ago) I have lost 8 inches overall, but gained one in my waist (which, of course, goes across the upper belly). Pretty great, right!!? Oh, and I lost the most, a WHOPPING 2 inches, across the lower belly, even WITH being preggie. I'm pleased and even more encouraged to continue my walking program. YEAY for me!!!

Jess starts his FIFTH week as a non-smoker tomorrow!!! He's doing quite well with this change and I'm so proud of him. He has only been snappish/nasty two times thus far. And one of those times I realized what was happening, so I pointed out to him what he was doing and he totally appologized almost right away. Jess has to leave a few minutes between things I tell him and his action. Pride. Doesn't please me, but I get it now, at least.

Oh, I just checked my mileage. I'm actually under 4 miles when I walk the bridge, but it's more than 3 by a little bit. I'm going to try to add a block to that walk and get to 4 miles to see what my timing is. I haven't checked to see what I'm walking when I do intervals, but I'm really curious about that. So, perhaps I'll check on it tomorrow since I have to take the van out again. Oh, we were out in the van for the Play in the Park we do (used to be Joy School). That was lovely, as always. My friend Heather came with her 3, Sage with her 2, and Oz came with her son. So we had a larger group than usual for a while. It was pretty great!

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