Socialism and The United Order Compared

Elder Marion G. Romney
Of the Council of the Twelve Apostles
(Marion G. Romney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1966, 95;
or Improvement Era, June 1966, 535)

What I am going to give you now is a statement I have prepared in answer to the question, "Is Socialism the United Order?" Some of you may have already heard it. This is the first time I have ever attempted to give a talk a second time. My excuse is that the Brethren have asked me to give this talk here tonight.

I suppose the best way to start a comparison of socialism and the United Order is with a definition of the terms. Webster defines socialism as:

Socialism defined

"A political and economic theory of social organization based on collective or governmental ownership and democratic management of the essential means for the production and distribution of goods; also, a policy or practice based on this theory." (Webster's New International Dictionary, 2nd ed. unabridged, 1951.)

George Bernard Shaw, the noted Fabian Socialist, said that:

"Socialism, reduced to its simplest legal and practical expression, means the complete discarding of the institution of private property by transforming it into public property and the division of the resultant income equally and indiscriminately among the entire population." (Encyclopedia Britannica, 1946 ed., Vol. 20, p. 895.)

George Douglas Howard Cole, M.A., noted author and university reader in economics at Oxford, who treats socialism for the Encyclopedia Britannica, says that because of the shifting sense in which the word has been used, "a short and comprehensive definition is impossible. We can only say," he concludes, "that Socialism is essentially a doctrine and a movement aiming at the collective organization of the community in the interest of the mass of the people by means of the common ownership and collective control of the means of production and exchange." (Ibid., [1946 ed., Vol. 20,] p. 888.)

Socialism arose "out of the economic division in society." During the nineteenth century its growth was accelerated as a protest against "the appalling conditions prevailing in the workshops and factories and the unchristian spirit of the spreading industrial system."

Communism, starting point

The "Communist Manifesto" drafted by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels for the Communist League in 1848 is generally regarded as the starting point of modern socialism. (Ibid., [Encyclopedia Britannica, 1946 ed., Vol. 20,] p. 890.)

The distinction between socialism, as represented by the various Socialist and Labour parties of Europe and the New World, and Communism, as represented by the Russians, is one of tactics and strategy rather than of objective. Communism is indeed only socialism pursued by revolutionary means and making its revolutionary method a canon of faith. Communists, like other socialists, (1) believe in the collective control and ownership of the vital means of production and (2) seek to achieve through state action the coordinated control of the economic forces of society. They (the Communists) differ from other socialists in believing that this control can be secured, and its use in the interests of the workers ensured, only by revolutionary action leading to the dictatorship of the proletariat and the creation of a new proletarian state as the instrument of change. (Ibid.[Encyclopedia Britannica, 1946 ed., Vol. 20, p. 890])

German SocialismA major rift between so-called orthodox socialism and communist socialism occurred in 1875 when the German Social Democratic party set forth its objective of winning power by taking over control of the bourgeois state, rather than by overthrowing it. In effect, the German Social Democratic party became a parliamentary party, aiming at the assumption of political power by constitutional means.

Fabian Society

In the 1880's a small group of intellectuals set up in England the Fabian Society, which has had a major influence on the development of modern orthodox socialism. Fabianism stands "for the evolutionary conception of socialism . . . endeavoring by progressive reforms and the nationalization of industries, to turn the existing state into a 'welfare state.' " Somewhat on the order of the German Social Democrats, Fabians aim "at permeating the existing parties with socialistic ideas [rather] than at creating a definitely socialistic party." They appeal "to the electorate not as revolutionaries but as constitutional reformers seeking a peaceful transformation of the system." (Ibid.[Encyclopedia Britannica, 1946 ed., Vol. 20, p. 890])

Forms and policies of socialism

The differences in forms and policies of socialism occur principally in the manner in which they seek to implement their theories.

They all advocate:

(1) That private ownership of the vital means of production be abolished and that all such property "pass under some form of co-ordinated public control."

(2) That the power of the state be used to achieve their aims.

(3) "That with a change in the control of industry will go a change in the motives which operate in the industrial system. . . ." (Ibid.[Encyclopedia Britannica, 1946 ed., Vol. 20, p. 890])

So much now for the definition of socialism. I have given you these statements in the words of socialists and scholars, not my words, so they have had their hearing.

The United Order

Now as to the United Order, and here I will give the words of the Lord and not my words. The United Order the Lord's program for eliminating the inequalities among men, is based upon the underlying concept that the earth and all things therein belong to the Lord and that men hold earthly possessions as stewards accountable to God.

On January 2, 1831, the Lord revealed to the Prophet Joseph Smith that the Church was under obligation to care for the poor. (See D&C 38.) Later he said:

"I, the Lord, stretched out the heavens, and built the earth, . . . and all things therein are mine.

"And it is my purpose to provide for my saints, for all things are mine.

"But it must needs be done in mine own way. . . ." (D&C 104:14­16.)

Consecration and stewardship

On February 9, 1831, the Lord revealed to the Prophet what his way was. (See D&C 42.) In his way there were two cardinal principles: (1) consecration and (2) stewardship.

To enter the United Order, when it was being tried, one consecrated all his possessions to the Church by a "covenant and a deed which" could not "be broken." (D&C 42:30.) That is, he completely divested himself of all of his property by conveying it to the Church.

Having thus voluntarily divested himself of title to all his property, the consecrator received from the Church a stewardship by a like conveyance. This stewardship could be more or less than his original consecration, the object being to make "every man equal according to his family, according to his circumstances and his wants and needs." (D&C 51:3.)

This procedure preserved in every man the right to private ownership and management of his property. At his own option he could alienate it or keep and operate it and pass it on to his heirs.

The intent was, however, for him to so operate his property as to produce a living for himself and his dependents. So long as he remained in the order, he consecrated to the Church the surplus he produced above the needs and wants of his family. This surplus went into a storehouse from which stewardships were given to others and from which the needs of the poor were supplied.

These divine principles are very simple and easily understood. A comparison of them with the underlying principles of socialism reveal similarities and basic differences.

Comparisons and contrasts: Similarities

The following are similarities: Both (1) deal with production and distribution of goods; (2) aim to promote the well-being of men by eliminating their economic inequalities; (3) envision the elimination of the selfish motives in our private capitalistic industrial system.

Differences

Now the differences:

(1) The cornerstone of the United Order is belief in God and acceptance of him as Lord of the earth and the author of the United Order.

Socialism, wholly materialistic, is founded in the wisdom of men and not of God. Although all socialists may not be atheists, none of them in theory or practice seek the Lord to establish his righteousness.

(2) The United Order is implemented by the voluntary free-will actions of men, evidenced by a consecration of all their property to the Church of God.

One time the Prophet Joseph Smith was asked a question by the brethren about the inventories they were taking. His answer was to the effect, "You don't need to be concerned about the inventories. Unless a man is willing to consecrate everything he has he doesn't come into the United Order." (Documentary History of the Church, Vol. 7, pp. 412­13.) On the other hand, socialism is implemented by external force, the power of the state.

(3) In harmony with church belief, as set forth in the Doctrine and Covenants, "that no government can exist in peace, except such laws are framed and held inviolate as will secure to each individual the free exercise of conscience, the right and control of property" (D&C 134:2), the United Order is operated upon the principle of private ownership and individual management.

God-given agency preserved in United Order

Thus in both implementation and ownership and management of property, the United Order preserves to men their God-given agency, while socialism deprives them of it.

(4) The United Order is nonpolitical.

Socialism is political, both in theory and practice. It is thus exposed to, and riddled by, the corruption that plagues and finally destroys all political governments that undertake to abridge man's agency.

(5) A righteous people is a prerequisite to the United Order.

Socialism argues that it as a system will eliminate the evils of the profit motive.

The United Order exalts the poor and humbles the rich. In the process both are sanctified. The poor, released from the bondage and humiliating limitations of poverty, are enabled as free men to rise to their full potential, both temporally and spiritually. The rich, by consecration and by imparting of their surplus for the benefit of the poor, not by constraint but willingly as an act of free will, evidence that charity for their fellowmen characterized by Mormon as "the pure love of Christ." (Moro. 7:47 [Moroni 7:47].)

Socialism not United Order

No, brethren, socialism is not the United Order. However, notwithstanding my abhorrence of it, I am persuaded that socialism is the wave of the present and of the foreseeable future. It has already taken over or is contending for control in most nations.

"At the end of the year [1964] parties affiliated with the [Socialist] International were in control of the governments of Great Britain, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Israel, and the Malagasy Republic. They had representatives in coalition cabinets in Austria, Belgium, Iceland, Italy, Luxembourg, and Switzerland; constituted the chief opposition in France, India, Japan, the Netherlands, New Zealand and West Germany; and were significant political forces in numerous other countries. Many parties dominant in governments in Africa, Asia, and Latin America announced that their aim was a socialist society." (Encyclopedia Britannica, 1965 Book of the Year, p. 736.)

United States has adopted much socialism

We here in the United States, in converting our government into a social welfare state, have ourselves adopted much of socialism. Specifically, we have to an alarming degree adopted the use of the power of the state in the control and distribution of the fruits of industry. We are on notice, according to the words of the President, that we are going much further, for he is quoted as saying:

"We're going to take all the money we think is unnecessarily being spent and take it from the 'haves' and give it to the 'have nots.' " (1964 Congressional Record, p. 6142, Remarks of the President to a Group of Leaders of Organizations of Senior Citizens in the Fish Room, March 24, 1964.)

Socialism takes: United Order gives

That is the spirit of socialism: We're going to take. The spirit of the United Order is: We're going to give.

We have also gone a long way on the road to public ownership and management of the vital means of production. In both of these areas the free agency of Americans has been greatly abridged. Some argue that we have voluntarily surrendered this power to government. Be this as it may, the fact remains that the loss of freedom with the consent of the enslaved, or even at their request, is nonetheless slavery.

As to the fruits of socialism, we all have our own opinions. I myself have watched its growth in our own country and observed it in operation in many other lands. But I have yet to see or hear of its freeing the hearts of men of selfishness and greed or of its bringing peace, plenty, or freedom. These things it will never bring, nor will it do away with idleness and promote "industry, thrift and self-respect," for it is founded, in theory and in practice, on force, the principle of the evil one.

As to the fruits of the United Order, I suggest you read Moses 7:16­18 and 4 Nephi 2­3 [4 Nephi 1:2­3] , 15­16. If we had time we could review the history, what little we know, of Zion in the days of Enoch and about what happened among the Nephites under those principles of the United Order in the first two centuries following the time of the Savior.

What can we do?

Now what can we do about it?

As I recently reminded my wife of the moratorium on the United Order, which the Lord placed in 1834 (D&C 105:34), that socialism is taking over in the nations and that its expressed aims will surely fail, she spiritedly put to me the question: "Well, then, what would you suggest, that we just sit on our hands in despair and do nothing?" Perhaps similar questions have occurred to you. The answer is, "No, by no means!" We have much to do, and fortunately for us the Lord has definitely prescribed the course we should follow with respect to socialism and the United Order.

Constitution God-inspired

He has told us that in preparation for the restoration of the gospel, he himself established the Constitution of the United States, and he has plainly told us why he established it. I hope I can get this point over to you. He said he established the Constitution to preserve to men their free agency, because the whole gospel of Jesus Christ presupposes man's untrammeled exercise of free agency. Man is in the earth to be tested. The issue as to whether he succeeds or fails will be determined by how he uses his agency. His whole future, through all eternity, is at stake. Abridge man's agency, and the whole purpose of his mortality is thwarted. Without it, the Lord says, there is no existence. (See D&C 93:30.) The Lord so valued our agency that he designed and dictated "the laws and constitution" required to guarantee it. This he explained in the revelation in which he instructed the Prophet Joseph Smith to appeal for help,

Just and holy principles

"According to the laws and constitution of the people, which I have suffered to be established, and should be maintained for the rights and protection of all flesh, according to just and holy principles;

"That every man may act in doctrine and principle pertaining to futurity, according to the moral agency which I have given unto him, that every man may be accountable for his own sins in the day of judgment.

"And for this purpose have I established the Constitution of this land, by the hands of wise men whom I raised up unto this very purpose. . . ." (D&C 101:77­78, 80.)

Sustain Constitutional law

Previously he had said:

"And now, verily I say unto you concerning the laws of the land, it is my will that my people should observe to do all things whatsoever I command them.

"And that law of the land which is constitutional, supporting that principle of freedom in maintaining rights and privileges, belongs to all mankind, and is justifiable before me.

"Therefore, I, the Lord, justify you, and your brethren of my church, in befriending that law which is the constitutional law of the land [the test of its constitutionality in the words of the Lord here is whether it preserves man's agency];

"And as pertaining to law of man, whatsoever is more or less than this, cometh of evil.

"I, the Lord God, make you free, therefore ye are free indeed; and the law [that is, constitutional law] also maketh you free.

"Nevertheless, when the wicked rule the people mourn.

"Wherefore, honest men and wise men should be sought for diligently, and good men and wise men ye should observe to uphold; otherwise whatsoever is less than these cometh of evil." (D&C 98:4­10.)

These scriptures declare the Constitution to be a divine document. They tell us that "according to just and holy principles," the Constitution and the law of the land which supports the "principle of freedom in maintaining rights and privileges, belongs to all mankind, and is justifiable before" God; that, "as pertaining to [the] law of man, whatsoever is more or less than this, cometh of evil." They remind us that the Lord has made us free and that laws that are constitutional will also make us free.

"When the wicked rule, the people mourn"

Right at this point, almost as if he were warning us against what is happening today, the Lord said: "Nevertheless, when the wicked rule the people mourn." Then, that we might know with certainty what we should do about it, he concluded: "Wherefore, honest men and wise men should be sought for diligently, and good men and wise men ye should observe to uphold. . . ."

In its context this instruction, according to my interpretation, can only mean that we should seek diligently for and support men to represent us in government who are "wise" enough to understand freedom--as provided for in the Constitution and as implemented in the United Order--and who are honest enough and good enough to fight to preserve it.

". . . under no other government in the world could the Church have been established," said President J. Reuben Clark, Jr., and he continued:

". . . if we are to live as a Church, and progress, and have the right to worship as we are worshipping here today, we must have the great guarantees that are set up by our Constitution. There is no other way in which we can secure these guarantees." (Conference Report, October 1942, pp. 58­59.)

Now, not forgetting our duty to eschew socialism and support the just and holy principles of the Constitution, as directed by the Lord, I shall conclude these remarks with a few comments concerning what we should do about the United Order.

What to do about United Order

The final words of the Lord in suspending the order were: "And let those commandments which I have given concerning Zion and her law be executed and fulfilled, after her redemption." (D&C 105:34.)

Further implementation of the order must therefore await the redemption of Zion. Here Zion means Jackson County, Missouri. When Zion is redeemed, as it most certainly shall be, it will be redeemed under a government and by a people strictly observing those "just and holy principles" of the Constitution that accord to men their God-given moral agency, including the right to private property. If, in the meantime, socialism takes over in America, it will have to be displaced, if need be, by the power of God, because the United Order can never function under socialism or "the welfare state," for the good and sufficient reason that the principles upon which socialism and the United Order are conceived and operated are inimical.

In the meantime, while we await the redemption of Zion and the earth and the establishment of the United Order, we as bearers of the priesthood should live strictly by the principles of the United Order insofar as they are embodied in present church practices, such as the fast offering, tithing, and the welfare activities. Through these practices we could as individuals, if we were of a mind to do so, implement in our own lives all the basic principles of the United Order.

As you will recall, the principles underlying the United Order are consecration and stewardships and then the contribution of surpluses into the bishop's storehouse. When the law of tithing was instituted four years after the United Order experiment was suspended, the Lord required the people to put "all their surplus property . . . into the hands of the bishop" (D&C 119:1); thereafter they were to "pay one-tenth of all their interest annually. . . ." (D&C 119:4.) This law, still in force, implements to a degree at least the United Order principle of stewardships, for it leaves in the hands of each person the ownership and management of the property from which he produces the needs of himself and family. Furthermore, to use again the words of President Clark:

". . . in lieu of residues and surpluses which were accumulated and built up under the United Order, we, today, have our fast offerings, our Welfare donations, and our tithing, all of which may be devoted to the care of the poor, as well as for the carrying on of the activities and business of the Church."

What prohibits us from giving as much in fast offerings as we would have given in surpluses under the United Order? Nothing but our own limitations.

Furthermore, we had under the United Order a bishop's storehouse in which were collected the materials from which to supply the needs and the wants of the poor. We have a bishop's storehouse under the Welfare Plan, used for the same purpose. . . .

"We have now under the Welfare Plan all over the Church, . . . land projects . . . farmed for the benefit of the poor. . . .

"Thus . . . in many of its great essentials, we have, [in] the Welfare Plan . . . the broad essentials of the United Order. Furthermore, having in mind the assistance which is being given from time to time . . . to help set people up in business or in farming, we have a plan which is not essentially unlike that which was in the United Order when the poor were given portions from the common fund."

It is thus apparent that when the principles of tithing and the fast are properly observed and the Welfare Plan gets fully developed and wholly into operation, "we shall not be so very far from carrying out the great fundamentals of the United Order." (Conference Report, October 1942, pp. 57­58.)

The only limitation on you and me is within ourselves.

A Prayer:

And now in line with these remarks, for three things I pray:

(1) That the Lord will somehow quicken our understanding of the differences between socialism and the United Order and give us a vivid awareness of the awful portent of those differences.

(2) That we will develop the understanding, the desire, and the courage, born of the Spirit, to eschew socialism and to support and sustain, in the manner revealed and as interpreted by the Lord, those just and holy principles embodied in the Constitution of the United States for the protection of all flesh, in the exercise of their God-given agency.

(3) That through faithful observance of the principles of tithing, the fast, and the welfare program, we will prepare ourselves to redeem Zion and ultimately live the United Order, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Places of Interest

Updated Tori

Want to write to Tori?  You can reach me at: secretsshallebb (at) gmail (dot) com  I hope you can figure out what to do with that mess!

Who is Tori!??

I'm striving to be a woman of God.

I am wife of Chef Jessie.

I'm striving to be a Joyful Mother of Children.  I am quiverful.  Once upon a time I balked at the idea of having eight children, but now I feel like I know those who are missing and I ache for them.  I pray for them often and hope that I will be able to grow them within me and safely birth them into this world.  Time will tell if my prayers are a truly righteous desire.

I am a bit of a Jackie-of-all-trades-master-of-none kind of girl. I am pretty darn good with a hook and yarn.  I've been crocheting off and on since I was about 11, I think. I'm 37 now. That's a good long time! I made a little matching jacket, hat, blanket, and a Pooh-n-Friends stuffed animal for each of my first three children. Number 3, 4 and 5 are still waiting for their hats and jackets, but I did finish the blanket for each and a Tigger for 3.

I'm striving to forgive myself for falling short of my own expectations AND not accepting others expectations of me unless they match what I believe the Lord has in mind for me.

I love to write. My blog is a place I am able to release and enjoy this passion.

Painting, drawing, sculpture, photography, and other fiber arts are some of my "lost" hobbies. I still yearn to work in them, but the ability and time elude and escape me, for the most part.

I'm becoming interested in baking a lot more.  I have won a couple ribbons at the County Fair for two different recipes.  Pretty fun.

My husband is a Chef. So, I don't attempt much in the way of time consuming (read gourmet) food preparation. I'm much more interested in crowd pleasing (the crowd consists of my four table-food eating kiddos). Thus, the limits on time spent in preparation!

I sometimes enjoy watching movies.  Although I really used to enjoy TV serials, I began to see more and more often that the caliber is just poor.  It's not edifying.

I've been meditating and it has done and continues to do wonders for me!  I'm so grateful to our Awesome God for leading me in this direction, to this technology, and only wish I would've started when I first heard the whispers to begin it.

I'm a chocoholoic who is in recovery.  I've been off the use of it since January 2011.  I hope, someday, that I'll be able to have some again.  But for now, Father directs me to stay away.  So I do.

I'm working to improve my balancing skills.  This includes improving in all the following areas (though not all the time because I'm simply not perfect!): scripture reading/study, focused and purposeful prayer, homeschooling, housekeeping, frugal feeding, building food storage, broadening my preparedness skills, eliminating plastics (ever so slowly!), exercising, relationship improvement and nurturing (ALL of them), and (most importantly and probably inclusive of all previously mentioned) following the Lord's Will and becoming a TRUE Disciple of Christ!

edited January 20, 2014

Happy New Year and Happy Anniversary to ME!

Okay, so the anniversary wish is actually for Jess AND me, but still. You get the idea. Can you believe we've been married 6 years today. We've been together EIGHT, but married 6... how time DOES fly!

It could be a late Christmas or early Anniversary present... my treadmill was delivered by the giver and my hometeacher yesterday evening. WHAT a blessing! I'm so excited to have it. I will, hopefully, be able to use it tomorrow. We have a bit of an electricity routing problem currently (no pun intended... heeheehee), but hope that will be rememdied in the next couple days.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I hope, if you had plans for this Eve, that everything went/goes off without a hitch. Regardless of your plans, I hope you're able to celebrate as you enjoy and prefer it. As for me, Jess is working and the girls were in bed long before now.

May your New Year be full of joy (and enough sorrow and difficulty for you to recognize and revel in the joyful and peaceful times). And may we, together, be full of gratitude for the good as well as the rough and difficult. They all make us who we are!

A favorite Ensign story of mine pointed out that the journey the Jaredites endured, well over 300 days, was made possible in that amount of time BECAUSE of the difficulties. The story/essay asked how much longer that journey would have taken if they'd made it with OUT the winds and waves that tossed them about TO the promised land. Would they have ever made ANY progress!?? The obvious comparison helps me understand WHY I really should and, even, want to express my gratitude in ALL things... even those that don't feel wonderful in the moments of experience.

And so... I am grateful for marital difficulties endured this year of 2008. I'm grateful for the pregnancy related trials I waded through. I'm blessed to grow (and hopefully improve) as my children were obnoxious and disobedient at various - and far too many - times during this past year. My teeth grind together, a grimace on my face as I express my thankfulness for the fiscal difficulties that brought Jess and me, once again, to seek assistance from family and my Church this past year.

With much more ease and pleasure I raise my voice (fingers to type) in thanks for the MANY merciful and plentiful miracles that have been apparent to my fallible discernment in this last year. Among those I would like to highlight some that stick out in my memory:
the gift that finished payment of our midwife for Tea's home birth,
the assistance of Jessie's Dad to fix our van when we were desperate and broke,
the peace and joy of the temple experienced with EVERY visit,
and our van (actually given to us in 2007, but a blessing EVERY day this year!).
The "smaller" miracles are wonderful and have answered my heart's needs throughout the year and I am every so grateful for them!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I hope this coming year is, on the balancing scales of life/justice, weighted heavily on the side holding joy and peace for you and me!!! ^_^

I Think I Forgot To Share This

I was thinking about this second year of miracles I've experienced and I realized I hadn't shared another one that I experienced just in this month of December. I think many miracles come in small packages and that they are equally as important as some that seem bigger.

Well, a while back I received a gift card for Target (birthday present for Tea). While I was at the store looking among the things and trying to decide what I would buy, I longingly fingered a couple blankets. One was an old style Winnie the Pooh (I think I mentioned that one of Jessie's co-workers, Robin, gave us one almost exactly like what I'd wished for) and the other one was a really frilly PRETTY blanket, almost like a 'Sunday best' sort of blanket. Well, just last week my friend, Oz, gave me that VERY blanket. If it wasn't the one I touched, it was one exactly like it. I started balling when I opened the package because I felt like I was being hugged yet again.

Recently, probably after receiving the ridiculous amount of clothing I was given for Tea, I was wondering what I was going to do for clothes for me. The big problem is that my favorite pink pants are developing holes between my legs. I'm not terribly picky. While I would love to wear 'stylin' clothes, I also don't think that such things are necessary. And, thankfully, I don't deeply feel the pricks of the people in the large and spacious building when they comment and deride (as I have heard them do) my clothing, appearance, and/or beliefs. I do feel concern about my ability to adequately and appropriately (meaning modestly) array myself, though!

Well, I'm sure you can guess what I'm going to say, but I'm going to tell it anyway. The same friend, Oz, gave me a few bags of clothes for my girls to grow into. Her daughters are a few years older than Ria, so we have some wonderful items for Ria to grow into. This is especially a blessing as it seems her growth has sped up a tiny bit. Since she's pretty small, I suppose I should expect this at some point.

Anyway, among those clothes, in the bottom of one of the bags, were 2 pairs of pants and a few blouses that FIT ME!!!! I was so excited. These things were brought over the same day she gave me the special blanket for Tea, but I didn't go through the bags until a couple days later. I felt like crying, again, but didn't. I did, however, have to send up a prayer of gratitude! Isn't it amazing!!?

Another Blessing and Miracle for 2008

A few days ago I was thinking about "things" again and how Jess seemed to want to get something for me for my birthday. I still didn't want anyTHING. We'd gone to the temple. That was ON my birthday and FOR my birthday, as far as I was concerned. I was thinking that there really wasn't any THING I wanted. I even considered telling him that as long as we continued to make it to the temple once a month I would consider that my gift. I didn't mention that simply because I sort of hope that he does (or will) do the temple trips just because... the girls love them, I love them, and maybe he'll come to (or does??) love them!?!!

It popped into my head, during that pondering time, that there really was someTHING I wanted. I'd wanted it for a while. It would have made my life easier at the end of the pregnancy, but at this point it would be a REAL back-saver. So, I went and told Jessie, in a very off-hand, but direct manner, that there actually was 1 THING that I wanted - eventually, when we could afford it..

Are you just itchin' to know what it is??

Well, I haven't thought about it much because I figured the "cheapest" one I could find on craigslist or in the pennysaver would be around $100 (that would be functional given my weight and all). So, I figured I wouldn't be able to get it for many moons. I didn't think about it after I told Jess about it.

I was on the phone with my Mom today when I asked if she would like to talk to Ria. She did, of course. But then she asked if I wanted to Skype and that way she could read a book to Ria. I agreed, but told her I would be a minute because I had to get everything set up and work on the waffles I had going. (Yes, waffles for dinner! I actually made them from scratch this time and they were crispy and yummy. Aren't my girls SO lucky!! ;) heehee)

This really does pertain!

The cooked waffles were taken out, new batter in place when the phone rang. I hadn't been off for more than 2 minutes and I was wondering if my Mom was antsy. I went over to pick it up and decided to answer it, even though the number was definitely NOT my Mom.

A brother from my Ward, Peter, was calling. He told me that he'd just called and talked to Kelli to see if they could borrow Joey's truck to move something. Kelli told Peter that I'd been looking for something like that and that I might want it. So, he was just calling to see if I DID want it.

I felt GIDDY! I almost started crying because I felt so excited and happy! I couldn't help but feel that I was receiving (yet ANOTHER!) big hug from Heaven!!! ^_^ After I suggested that we might be able to pick it up in the van because Jess could take the back seat out, Peter told me that he didn't want to inconvenience us (!??) and that he was going to try to have it over to me probably by Wednesday.

So, what is this something that is a hug from Heaven? Are you just bouncing in your seat wishin' to know?? Well... I guess I'll tell you now and then explain why it's such a boon at this time. I told Jess that the only THING I wanted for myself (just ME, not like the piano that was for me so that I could feel like a good Mama, the kind of Mama I want to be... so that my girls could develop the talent and ability of playing the piano and maybe I could try to learn a little along the way) was a treadmill.

WHY, you may wonder, is a treadmill SUCH a gift/boon/hug right now? Well, the answer lies in the numbers. Tea was 10.4 pounds when she was born. In her first weeks of life, she gained 1 pound each week. On top of the 15 pounds (give or take some ounces) that she's leveled off at for the past few weeks, I've gained back some weight! :( I'm sure SOME of it is water retention, but I'm equally as sure that some is NOT. ARGGHHH... ahwell.

I have gone out walking with Ria and Kat in the trailer and wearing Tea in a sling. Okay, so I've gone out all of 4, MAYBE 5, times. I honestly dread it. Not only do I have the chore of getting the older girls to cooperate, but wearing Tea for a long walk... GUH! My back STILL hurts from the last one we went on.... I've been feeling frustrated and wishing that somehow I could justify buying the triple stroller that I found (it has adjustable seats so Tea will be able to be in it before she can sit up on her own - my traler does not), which we'll buy with some tax return money, BEFORE the tax return arrived just so I could get my WALK ON... but I couldn't. And so I was trying to get it in my head that I would just have to DEAL with some pain in my back to get the weight back off and GET FIT and healthier.

And then THIS! This boon and HUGE hug from Heaven comes my way!! WHAT A BLESSING!!! Now, my back will be preserved AND I'll still be able to walk.... My treadmill will go just next to Jessie's "cave" his "guyrage," you remember? The spot in our garage that I got ready as my Daddy gift to him before /for Tea's birth? That way I won't add another thing to STAY AWAKE doing in my bedroom and complicate me sleep issues further (the only other option as a place to keep and use it) AND I can tread on my mill while the girls watch movies in Daddy's area, which they LOVE to do because it's extra special to them! Isn't that the AWESOMEST!!!

Thanks to Peter and Sherry for their generous gift (not only the THING, but the delivery, too)!!! ^_^ They are so kind. (I'm pretty sure they were a secret santa of ours last year... and now the givers of THE best "thing" gift for me this year!!!) Isn't it WONDERFUL to feel the surety of Heavenly Father's love. I know I'm nothing extrordinary... so if He loves me this much, I'm SURE He loves YOU like this, too!!!

The Stove

We finally had the ORIGINAL stove/oven in this house replaced. Talk about going from uncomfortable to plunked right into the fire.... So, the original stove was problematic. Only 3 of the burners worked. The oven was iffy, but I managed to work with its quirks. I've got plenty of experience with making do.

The new one is much better on top. All 4 burners work AND the knobs to turn them on are in place AND function in the designed way. The old stove only worked with a pair of plyers to manipulate the knobs... it was an art I had mastered well. Anyway...

The new stove works well. The new oven, however, doesn't work at all! :( So, I've been boiling a lot. It's all right. I'm making do. We won't be able to make our turkey until the oven works, me thinks. ahwell... at least we receive turkey roasts from the Church. Did you know practically all of our food if from my Church right now? Yep. Even though Jess has 2 jobs again. It's rough to feel the need to continue to ask for and accept assistance when he's working so hard! If it weren't for Jess selling his Uzo and an AMP, we wouldn't have had any money to purchase the gifts (scooters) that Jess seemed dead set on getting because he wanted to see the light in Ria's eyes when she saw that the one wish she had for Christmas was realized. He's a good Daddy.

Anyway... that's the "big" frustration in the house right now. Thankfully Jess is working quite often so he's not cooking or wanting to bake as often as he was when he was home a lot more. I'm all right with making do. I'm going to attempt some baking in my toaster oven... it has a setting for such things. And, Heidi, we do try to unplug it when not in use. ;)

Merry Christmas

Okay, so for the rest of the world I'm about 2 days early... but for our family, today is a bit of "Christmas" because of Jessie's work schedule. Part of our family tradition surrounding Holidays is to celebrate them sometime right around the actual holiday date because Jessie works ON the holidays (almost all the time). The only exception to that rule is birthdays. Even if Jess works, we celebrate birthdays all day on THE day of birth!

Santa
Santa has visited our family, this year, a few times via a few different people prior to today. So, even though Jess and I have purchased "only" a scooter, $1 goggles, and 2 large ruled writing pads for Ria and Kat, those are not the only gift they are receiving from "Santa". We are so thoroughly blessed! I'm actually getting excited about the girls waking up to open presents because I have NO clue what is hidden by the wrapping of most of their presents!!! Isn't that funny? Most parents are up all night wrapping.... Like I said, we're SO blessed!!!

Even though I'm not sure where I stand on the passive lying to my kids about Santa thing... I did feel sort of excited when I was preparing the cookie plate and eating the granola from the bowl we're leaving out for the "reindeer" that Jess and Ria talked about and decided needed to be done. Ria's VERY excited about all of this! She didn't get to lay anything out because I wasn't totally on the ball (she could've at least done the granola because we DO have it). We didn't have cookies in the house! How annoying. That's partially due to the fact that our oven doesn't work. Have I shared that story? I can't remember if I have or not... you know my memory issues as of late! If I haven't shared it, and you would like to know, please leave a comment and I'll fill that blank. ^_^

The Final Decision on presents to open later today
I was feeling concern over having a mountain of presents for the girls to find on Christmas morning for a second year in a row. My greatest fear is that such a sight would become expectation rather than joy and surprise. I was actually developing present presentation plans. One consisted of hiding presents throughout the house so the space under the tree would be mostly empty. Also, this could add to the fun... ? Another plan consisted of saving presents to give the girls bit by bit (on different days).

Yesterday, being Christmas Eve for us, we started a tradition of reading the story of Christ (there's a guide for it in the December Friend magazine this year). This was super important to me to establish as a tradition when the girls are young because my parents started (or tried to start) it when we were rather old and I always felt really resentful and agitated that, not only did they stay in bed WAY late and make us have breakfast together, but then they wanted to add reading scriptures to the time BEFORE we could open presents! Perhaps my bad attitude was simply because I was a teenager... I do regret it now. A bit late, I'm sorry!

It was a difficult thing, the reading time with the girls today. Kat is not much of a sit-down-girl in general, but especially not if the reading has NO pictures! Ria was agitated because she just wanted to get to the tree decorating. (I didn't know we were doing Christmas on Tuesday until this weekend. I would've planned for tree decorating on a day much earlier, had I known.) We did get through all of the reading, though. I hope in years to come it won't be something to "get through," but something we do and ENJOY! I'll be working on that!

As soon as we finished reading, Ria wanted to go right to the tree decorating. Instead we had a conversation about the purpose of gift giving and how she feels about receiving presents. During that conversation, I asked her how she would feel if she did not get the scooter she's been asking for (almost exclusively) for the last 6 months. She said she's be happy. I felt perplexed. Again, the same question from me, this time putting a great deal of emphasis on the "NOT" part of it. When she answered she said, "Mom, I'd still be happy even if I didn't get the scooter." I felt all my concern about her perception of gifts on Christmas totally melt away.

The girls with the tree after decorating.

So, instead of camouflaging the amount of gifts the girls are receiving by following a "plan," we've put them all out under the tree for them to see AND open in the morning. I feel confident that they will be happy and excited over it AND accept it as the gift it is rather than feel that they are "owed" what they receive. Entitlement really burns my shorts!!!!

More pictures available in Facebook. :)

Movies
Did you know I really LOVE to watch movies? I do. Generally I may get to watch a few a week, but when I'm trying to be kind to myself I may watch more. I'm pretty out of the loop on up to date movies to get excited about. Many learn of new movies by watching trailers on TV or at the movie theater, as I don't/can't do either I lack that way of knowing the up and coming thing. But I have a favorite movie site that I check regularly. They have new releases. Granted, the quality is NOT movie theater... but it's been SOOO long since I've been in a movie theater that I can more easily pretend watching on the computer is not lacking.

I don't really go to the theater because I would most prefer to go with Jess as a date.... However, when we HAVE gone I feel SO upset during and after the movie because we pay $8 per person (how much are they now, anyway?) and he takes a nap! Almost without fail he falls asleep sometime early in the movie and wakes to watch the credits roll. That's at home as well as in a theater. I would MUCH rather stay home so he can nap for free.

I'm definitely not a chick who minds going to the theater alone. I've done it before and it's quite nice. The quiet. The aloneness. But, truth be told, I have a hard time being away from my kiddos for more than 1.5 hours give or take an hour! and with travel time in my area any movie would take at least a little bit longer than that to watch. Also, and of course, there's the actual money issue. Affording the gas for the trip to the theater, plus the actual movie... sort of out of the question. And, honestly, I don't mind. I watch my movies online.

For instance, Seven Pounds is REALLY amazing. What do YOU think pounds refers to? I think it has something to do with weight of the donations... if you haven't seen it, that may not make sense. But, if you have... do you agree?

Delgo is rather predictable, but still enjoyable.

I'm totally excited about Yes Man... and check every day, right now, to see if it's on "my site" yet. It's not. :( I know about that one because I check the titles of the movies I'm interested in on yahoomovies to see what their ratings are. I do watch PG-13... but prefer PG and G movies.

The Day The Earth Stood Still was quite good. I REALLY like Keanu Reeves. He's hot it's true, but I enjoy him most because he does quite a good job of pulling off sci-fi, which is awesome to me because I love that genre. I watched the afore mentioned title before trying to watch The Day The Earth Stopped. I did try to watch the latter, but the former was SO much better I couldn't get past the first 3.5 minutes!! How horrible!

Four Christmases was good. I liked the two leads together. Often funny.

Ghost Town was GREAT. I enjoyed it quite a lot. It was funny and had sad bits... I really liked that one!

Praise for My Man

In my life I've had the experience that when I'm feeling a cruddy way, it's sometimes good to focus on the opposite and then that will become the most predominant reality/feeling. And so, I'm going to focus on how wonderful Jess is and can be right now. This is meant to be public because I have, regularly enough, complained about him. So, you can remind me of his good qualities if ever I complain. However, if I complain I probably just need someone to commiserate with for a few moments. I usually get over it pretty quickly... usually.

Some Wonderful Things About Jessie
PLAY
Jess is a wonderful Daddy most of the time. He plays with our girls in a way I feared he wouldn't when we were dating because he wouldn't goof off with me. He is silly with them and rough houses with them.... The rough housing is REALLY good for them, but beyond that, he stops before anything rotten happens almost every time! In my memory of the same when I was a kid, something rotten happened to stop the play EVERY time. At least, that's what I remember.

COMMUNICATION
More than play, though, Jess actually sits down and cuddles and talks with our children. Even Tea, though she doesn't say much back as yet. She certainly tries. Kat is in the stage where she says a lot, much of it understandable, but key parts totally incomprehensible. Jess still listens and tries to understand.

EDUCATION
Jess is totally on board with homeschooling! There are plenty of Dads out there who agree to the program, but don't DO anything to support it. While that's understandable, in a way, I'm sure that's not how it was when our Founding Fathers were almost all homeschooled! I am certain that Mamas and tutors did most of the educating, but I'm equally as certain that Daddys of that day were very involved in some way, shape, or form.

When I was less able during the end of the pregnancy, Jess took over almost all reading classes with Ria. He also helped her with some Math when it was available. He picked all of the reading books, so he would make sure there were some Science as well as History-type reading books in those that Ria would (and did) read! I hadn't even really focused on diversifying and multitasking her education in that way!

SUPPORT
Obviously, helping with the homeschooling is support. But Jess also supports me in various other ways that many/most guys wouldn't even consider if they were asked! My most special birthday present from Jess this year was his service to me first thing in the morning. Usually I get everyone except for him ready to go to the temple each month (a HUGE support thing he does that most any non-member husband would NEVER do!), but this time - on my birthday - he got everyone except for Tea and me ready to go AND had plenty of water and snacks ready as well!!! I was totally thrilled, touched, and well pleased by that gift of service!!!

I've missed church a lot in the last few months. I was Primary Secretary and missing many Sundays because of illnesses of varying types. Jess basically took over the distribution and collection of roles during the last 2 months of my pregnancy as well as doing it whenever I wasn't at church. He also remembered to knock on doors as a reminder to go to the Primary room most Sundays when I was there and couldn't run around to do it anymore (at the end of the pregnancy).

Already mentioned, but bearing repetition, Jessie helps me go to the temple every month with my family. This is SUPER special and valuable to me because I want the temple to be a REAL place to my children. I want them to know it's importance to me by my efforts to get there consistently, work there, and treasuring their presence with me. Ria spontaneously starts to sing "I Love to See the Temple" as we approach it, often enough. That song is Kat's very favorite Primary song. And they both are SUPER excited when we tell them we'll be going to the temple the next day.

At first Kat just sort of observed the excitement over the subject of the temple trip. But she has become just as excited and vocal about her excitement to make temple trips. In her pretend play she often goes on trips. Where? Almost always she's leaving to go to the temple! Jess makes their knowledge of and excitement about the temple possible. I've taken them by myself only 1 month and that was simply because of confusion and difficulty in scheduling our trip amidst Jessie's full schedule of work.

Even when Jess was working 4, 5, and sometimes 7 days a week (between TWO jobs!), he still helped me get to the temple. We'd leave around 5 in the morning on a morning he had off and get home around noon-ish and he would have to leave for his night work at 2:30pm. This service to me is super precious because I know how much this man wants and enjoys sleep! Granted, he would sleep on the way there and home, but still he was there making the trip possible and spending time with the girls while I was IN the temple. *Just as a note, the trip is 2 hours one way. While there are longer trips, I think this one is the most I could get out of Jess (God is good!).

HE TRIES HARD
To Provide for our Financial and Spiritual Needs
Most of the time, Jessie really tries hard to fully provide for our family. He rarely complains about the amount of work he needs to do. He tries to work as much as possible to make the money necessary to fully provide for our family. He tries to make provide (the Princess Scooter as a good example) for some of the wants as well as necessities. He wants to provide for our family completely and works hard to that end.

Tries to be the Peacekeeper
Jess really tries hard, a good deal of the time, to avoid confrontations. For whatever reason, I actually want to argue some times - so this can be bad.... Not that I want the Spirit of contention, but, rather, I want to know that he is expressing himself fully and allowing me full expression of opinion when they differ. Often enough, in his effort to avoid contention, he will just shut down rather than hear me or express himself. VERY FRUSTRATING and sowing of discord in my heart, at least. But I do recognize that he's trying hard to be kind and loving in his effort to avoid confrontations... at least, I think that's why he does it! ;)

Tries to be a good Husband/Partner
He tries hard to be a good partner. He does ask me how I feel. He asks about my day. He tries to listen, most of the time, I think. He tries to respect my wishes and help me as much as he's able. He really tries hard. Many men I've heard of hardly try... I guess it's human nature to always want more... to always strive for perfection. This is good. But it's also frustrating and sometimes depressing.

Tries Hard to Become Better
Change is difficult. Jess is trying hard to make good changes. He has made a few strong attempts to become a non-smoker, which is AWESOME. He tries hard to be completely virtuous, completely honest, honorable, and full of integrity. It is in the human nature to be contrary to these things... and in Jessie's nature to "protect" me from things by being contrary to some of these things. But he is striving. And therein is the most wonderful gift he can give me... EVER... is to continue striving. I just hope he will have hope enough to continue his efforts to discontinue the cigs because I believe that each time he does try, he gets closer to being done for good. This last time he quit for longer than ever before! That's progress in my book!

A Good Man
Man, he's a good man! I'm blessed beyond measure to know that he's THE one for me and to have such hope in my heart that we will be an eternal family. He's certainly on the path. I just hope he will desire to know....

I'm blessed that he's my man - even when I'm mad at him or generally frustrated. Even more, I'm blessed to know that he's THE man for me... confirmed to me before I was back in the Gospel (I wasn't praying and being sensitive to the Spirit at the time). You know it's right when the Lord speaks to you through the only mouth you'd listen to!!!

I hope this hasn't been too disgusting for you. And, perhaps you'll remind me of some of these points in the future... after commiserating with me a bit (at least). ^_^

Santa, The Crud, and Trivialities

SANTA
Jess worked on a small writing class with Ria the other day to complete a letter to Santa. It was in the mail before I got to see it... they were both very excited about it, apparently. Jess was excited for Ria to tell me the "ONLY" three things she wanted for Christmas. Because my memory fails me SO regularly, I can only recall that she asked for something (?) for Kat, books (of course I would remember that!), and a scooter (which she's been asking for for the last 6 months or more).

The Special Gift from Daddy/Santa
I suppose these things are not terribly unusual or spectacular. The parts that are amazing to me are what transpired in the days following. A few days ago Jessie got down his old (at least 5 years old) bottle of Uzo, still mostly full, and was dusting it off. I just kind of eyed him until he volunteered that he was taking it to work to give to a co-worker who expressed some interest in it. This was interesting to me because this is a bottle of alcohol that was sort of special to Jess as he'd purchased it IN Greece when he was there on his last cruise with the NAVY. I expressed some confusion that he was giving it away. He said something about how he wasn't going to drink it, anyway, since he wasn't drinking anymore. Now, that last bit is a sort of heart lifter every single time I hear it because I don't actually believe it! (One of the things along the lines of coffee, tea, and so forth.... you get it if you know me!)

I think it was that same night that Jess came home from work and told me to close my eyes so he could show me something. When I'm allowed to open my eyes, Jess is standing there in front of me holding a large pink box... a PRINCESS scooter!!! He is SO pleased with himself and the only thing I can think about is what money he spent AND the fact that we've already been given more gifts for the girls than I wanted them to have for Christmas. I express both concerns. The first is easily mollified. The money came from the SALE of his bottle!!! I know Jessie is just SO pleased about that! The second is relatively easily soothed (in me) by the decision to have Ria open the scooter gift as THE present she opens for Christmas. The other gifts will be staggered out over a little bit of time. That was Christmas isn't about a huge pile of present again! YEAY for that "C" word we are supposed to do all the time when we're married. OH... I'm REALLY getting annoyed at my memory!!! You know, when we make concessions that work together.... Well, I hope you know what I mean because I honestly cannot remember that one word right now.

A Reply
A couple days ago Jess and Ria wrote the Santa letter and mailed it out. Well, yesterday they received a response, as previously mentioned. Jess brought the mail in when he got home from work (= kids asleep). The return address was USPS, so I opened it, not sure what I would find (even though there was a stamp on the front that said "We're helping Santa" so I should've guessed). I didn't read it, but Jess was SO excited that he sat down and read it allowed. At the very end it makes mention of how Santa is so thankful when Ria and Kat are kind... that really touched Jess. Well, because we got the letter in the house when the kids were asleep, I let Ria read the it out loud to me today. The awesome thing about that was her reaction to it while reading it. She read a bit at the beginning about Santa eating cookies and giggled, and then the same reaction when Santa wrote about the reindeer and elves getting ready for and being excited about the imminent trip. She was just SO tickled to receive a letter from Santa! Jess had prepared her with the idea that she probably wouldn't hear back from him because he was so busy. After finishing the letter, she put it aside and did something else. A few moments later found her rereading the letter a bit more slowly. She was THRILLED!

What precious moments! What would Christmas be without kids!!?? Well, in my experience... not NEARLY so wonderful and magical.

The Santa Issue
And how do I feel about lying to my children about Santa? Well, I don't. When asked questions about him, I tell the truth. Thus far questions have not tended toward "real vs not real" and when the question is iffy... like today when Ria asked something about Santa, I honestly told her I didn't know (because I REALLY didn't know!). I'm determined to continue in all honesty.

The Crud
Didn't skip me, afterall. Thankfully, so far, I've only got the beginning of the KAT version of the crud. She's had more of a cold with fever than the barf fest of Ria and Tea's experience with it. Hopefully it will only remain so.

Trivialities and Random Thoughts
Raffy
Did I mention that someone gave Tea a stuffed giraffe? It was among the many things in the basket given to me as a gift from my Relief Society sisters. The wonderful thing about it is that I haven't been able to crochet a giraffe for her (along with all the other bits I haven't crocheted for her as yet!). My Mom did one for Ria, I made one for Kat, and Tea has a stuffed one! I DO plan to crochet one yet. It just may take a bit longer than I'd like.

Kat has taken a liking to this particular giraffe. And, like the others, referrs to it as "Raffy" or "Jaffy" I'm not really sure which... perhaps it's both at alternating times! :) Ria AND Kat have named their giraffes the same. I'm sure Tea will follow in her sisters' vocalizations, too.

At the Library
One of our library volunteers, here in town, is alwasy Santa. He loves it and we appreciate him! Ria was specifically the first child to receive her gift from Santa this year. Why? Partially because she always wants to and tries to sit in the front row and they know it, but even more because they'd specifically purchased a book especially for her because of her reading ability/level! All the other books were pretty much interchangeable... board books and/or alphabet books, but Ria's was for an older child and/or higher reading level with comprehension! As the Santa Letter story hopefully conveys, she has TREMENDOUS comprehension of what she reads. That's mostly all her... I check for it once in a while, but she's mostly just REALLY smart! What a sweet and thoughtful pair of volunteers we have. Don't you think!?? I believe they were in charge of that particular present. Our staff at the library are SUCH a gift and blessing to me! My librarian almost always watches out for me. She stopped by my house to bring a gift for the baby AND 2 books for my other girls, too!!! ^_^ SO thoughtful!!!

Facebook
Once again, if you're my friend and haven't made the connection via Facebook, I encourage you to do so. I'm planning to upload a bunch of pictures very soon, but most of them will be to Facebook since the process is barely painful in that program. It's a tooth pulling experience for me here... thus the written (barely any pictures) blog. Also, and of course, I love to write. And since I have little to no adult conversation on a daily basis it's a way for me to express myself beyond direction, reading (to my kiddos and/or myself), discipline, and listening to Jess.

How Do YOU Teach Your Child to Love Serving

I saw my Mom serve my whole life. I saw her love service my whole life. I knew she loved it, but I didn't get it. I didn't GET it until I was 30! Why? Well, I think it has to do with the fact that I'm one of those people who learn best by reading, watching, AND DOing! If I get the first two, I might GET it, but if I get all three... it's almost for sure that I will GET it. If you've made the jump (not a big one) that I only learned to love service after I started to do it with an open heart, then you'd be right. I think that's one aspect of serving that most people won't learn through observation... and most people wouldn't think to explain. I know I wouldn't have if I'd not been writing about it!!!

I didn't hate my nursery calling. Nursery worker was my first calling. It was quite good. But I didn't have an open heart in the doing of it, so I didn't love it, either. The move away from my nuclear family of youth back in 2006 caused me some HUGE changes in many, many, MANY ways... among them was a willingness and desire to perform service with an open heart. So, now I enjoy it. AND I understand better that serving others really does increase love for them.

Well, as a result of my furthered education on this subject I desire for my children to understand these things as soon as possible because I'm certain that it will improve their lives. Thinking along these lines AND because I don't have a calling in my Ward right now, I've been searching out ways to serve others. I found that on Craigslist there is a sectioned titled "WANTED". Now, I think this section was originally intended as a place for people to list things they would like to buy. But given the economy at this time, it seems that this particular section is now a majority of ads asking for help in one way or another (at least in my area). This is also, I'm sure, due to the proximity, in time, of Christmas and the idea many people have that their kids won't have a good Christmas if there aren't a good many presents under the tree because of our capitalist society resulting in our materialistic culture.

I'm CERTAINLY not one to say a mountain of presents under the tree is nothing. If you know me outside of the blogging world, you'll remember that last year we were so totally inundated with presents from a couple of people that we LITERALLY had a mountain of presents. The feelings I felt as we received THREE black garbage bags FULL of Christmas presents from one of my friends are truly indescribable. Did you know that the person who receives service, the person who gives service, AND anyone watching an act of service each and all have a release of a chemical (I believe it's oxytocin, but I'm not absolutely positive anymore) that physically causes them to feel uplifted and, even, joyful and loved? It's true. Well, that's how I felt. Tingly full of joy. I went through some deep self-analysis after that Christmas because I was wondering if I was really MUCH more materialistic than I thought. I realized that I truly wasn't, but that I was so totally touched BECAUSE I felt the love and care of my Father in Heaven as well as the angels He'd sent us to provide = the people involved. Prior to that Christmas, I'd felt pretty down that we weren't going to be able to do more than our $10 spending limit of the Christmas before. $10 isn't huge, but it's SOMEthing... I was just feeling sorry for myself, really. But Heavenly Father showed me that He knew my heart and wish, which was a desire to do better by our kids... so, He did it FOR us!!! And, really, isn't that what He always does anyway... we just sort of take credit along the way because we're doing what He's telling us to do when He tells us to do it! :) That's what I think, anyway.

Having said all that, the fabulously full Christmas tree is something I seek after or even value for itself. Quite the contrary. I'm striving to have a VERY small Christmas - if measured by the number of gifts under the tree - THIS year. You see, I want my kids to GET it sooner than I did.... and I think... I believe that service is one of the greatest ways we can feel Charity... and isn't that why Christ came, to fulfill his greatest act of love, which is a service to all of humanity = pure love = Charity!??

So, being thus selfish, I was EXTATIC to find someone in the WANTED section who was asking for help with cleaning and laundry. Somehow I missed and/or didn't understand that she was asking for the help because she was blind. I didn't realize that fact until a couple of days ago. I just saw someone asking for something we COULD do!!! Can you imagine my pleasure and, even, joy in realizing that we would have the opportunity, not only, to serve, to give our daughters the chance to serve, but also to expose them to someone with a totally different life experience!? WOW!!!

Krista and I made a plan for my family to come to her apartment Monday morning (today) to clean and do laundry. This was, of course, before we came down with "the crud" with which we'd been inundated in the last week or so. So, I was hoping all would be well and we could go ahead with the plan. It worked out. IF any of us are still sick it was only Tea. Krista didn't hold or touch her so....

I haven't had a sit down talk with Ria about her thoughts and feelings on the activity of the morning, but while we were there she helped vaccuum, pick up little bits of trash, did some laundry, and played with Krista's dog, Pepper (that was her favorite part). As she was helping she would say little things like, "I love to help do things," and, "I'm going to tell Daddy I helped with the vaccuuming!" That last bit was a big deal because she'd been too afraid of the noise of vaccuums to touch one for more than a few moments before today. Today she actually moved the thing back and forth quite a bit. AND she was able to get it to move in a line parallel to her position... she was VERY proud of that accomplishment as the vaccuum was quite heavy. Anyway... she was quite pleased with herself and I believe I could see that she felt the value of her work. She's happy and even excited to come back to Krista's house in about a month to help some more, too! So... perhaps she's well on the way to feeling the joy in serving?

Kat was very shy. Krista actually said to me (after Jess and Kat left to start the laundry), "I thought you had 3 little ones. Where is she?" I didn't understand what she meant. I was confused because I thought Krista still retained part of her vision and would see Jess holding a child. Come to find out, she's completely blind and Kat was so quiet she couldn't hear her! How funny! Okay, the thing that's funny is only funny if you know Kat... she is totally NOT quiet. At least, she's not quiet when she's comfy. She's VERY much like Jess initially... but then she turns into a sort of Tori once she's comfy! ^_^ Funny, right? I don't know that Kat got much from the service experience. By the end of our visit, she was a little less afraid of the dog who was completely uninterested in her. My funny girl!

Tea was sleeping most of the time, so I don't think she got much out of the experience. ;) But as long as we perservere, she'll get it just like her big sisters... I think. I hope. I pray!

Tomorrow
Wish me luck (and say a prayer for us, if you think about it) that all stays as it is and we keep on the well side of things for tomorrow, at least. Tomorrow is my temple day and our Family Temple trip and I REALLY want to make it! I feel like I need the trip even more this month because I've been missing so much regular Sunday service due to pregnancy issues, birth, and subsequent illnesses lately!!! Missing church is such a bummer. But... at least we can go to the temple sometimes, right? :) I'm so grateful for such a supportive husband who's willing to make these family jaunts and watch our girls while I spend some time within the walls of The House of The Lord! He's a good man. And that's true even if you know our problems. I happen to have a problem... I focus on the negative too much sometimes. Of myself AND others... especially those closest to me. I'm working on it!

Tomorrow is a big day all around. Temple trip, then take Jess to his second job (Piazza) so he can make sushi for the Holiday party, back to our town for Ria's piano class, then back to the Piazza for the party.

Wednesday morning the missionaries will come to see us. They are AWESOME! Such sweet sisters!!! The lesson is about how we can recognize The Spirit. I'm excited. I'm sure Jess feels the Holy Ghost, but I think it will be helpful for him to learn how to recognize it.

Thursday: Story Time and Ballet. This week a couple friends from Church are going to come over at 10am so we can hang out, go to Story Time, and then have lunch together at my house afterward! I'm so excited!!!

Friday looks like it'll be pretty quiet.

Saturday might be quiet, too.

So, we'll have some recooperation time before Sunday. :)

Sick Days

I don't know if it's better to be sick ALL at once, or stair-step it.... but I CAN say that I'm exhausted after the stairs I've been treading this week! Ria barfed Monday night during the night. She didn't know it. We didn't know it. Until Jess saw some on her night gown! UGH! All day Tuesday she was fine. So it seemed like just a random night barf, which used to be relatively frequent when Ria was younger.

It wasn't random.

It's not often that I think or feel that the forgetfulness I've been coping with lately is a blessing, but Tuesday it definitely was. Ria seemed fine all day, but I'm sure she was contagious. Given that, it's a HUGE blessing that I TOTALLY forgot about her piano lesson! We completely missed it. I'm SO glad (now) because we would have given this crud to Mary Kay!! :( BUT we didn't BECAUSE God's mercies abound!

Wednesday Ria woke up with a pretty good fever and threw up 2 or 3 times during the day. Kat was fine.

Thursday both seemed fine (Ria had no more fever, it broke during the night). We didn't go to Story Time or Ballet because I was worried that Ria might be weak because she had REALLY dark circles under her eyes. THANKFULLY we didn't go out! We would have passed the crud to untold numbers.

Thursday morning Jess went back to bed with a headache (which is how the crud started with Ria and Kat), but seemed to be completely better by the time he needed to leave for work. WHAT a blessing!

Friday, Kat came down with the crud. In her, it manifested as a fever and congestion. Makes sense to me since she had breathing complications at birth... so to my way of understanding, her breathing system could be weaker and, thus, more susceptible. She never threw up, but did have some loose stools (TMI?). Her version of the crud continued on through this (Sunday) morning!

Tea seemed to have a fever last night and threw up then as well. It was definitely throw up and not spit up! I know because it was projectile AND smelled of illness... Illness smells sort of rancid to me. At least, that's the best way I can describe it.

I've had so much stress as a result of all this because it's really difficult for me to have and deal with my kids being sick. But I'm trying to thank the Lord in all things, as we have been commanded to do. I think it's easier to be grateful for trials when I compare my old self with my current self in coping with them. I'm definitely not perfect and have HUGE strides in progress yet to make. BUT it is nice to see that I'm getting better... not QUITE as short fused when under the stress of the situation, not QUITE as quick to shed tears and/or break down completely, not QUITE as frustrated in general... Progress is good. I'm grateful to have an opportunity to see and measure it.

That said....

MAN, I hope this coming week is more relaxed, well, and just easier! ^_^

We have many plans and it would be REALLY wonderful to go about our activities well and feeling peaceful... especially on Tuesday when we're going to the temple AND Jessie's second job's Christmas Party! Big day... that one.

Life is good. God is GREAT! Can you believe 2009 is just around the corner!??

Full Monday

Yesterday was a full day. Ria talked about how much fun she had during each step of our adventures. Kat was happy, I think, just because Ria was happy! And Tea was super calm, quiet (except for a few complaints a couple of times), happy, and just overall wonderful just because she IS that way. :)

We left the house around 10 am. Our first stop was WalMart for our first professional family pictures in almost 2 years! The girls were amazingly well-behaved even though we had to wait quite a while once we arrived. The pictures turned out wonderfully and we're very excited to pick them up and share them.

From there we went to Pizza Hut with lots of coupons! During some homeschool research, I found the Pizza Hut reading program and signed up. In a very short period of time I received the supplies. We would read anyway, but this program makes it a LITTLE bit more exciting for the girls, overall. Each month that they/we accomplish our reading goals (reading classes), they get a personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut. So, the girls' meal was free. In addition we got pizza with a coupon for Mama and Daddy. It was nice (and inexpensive). This was our second month and the girls loved it this time as well as last time. So, it's a great program. I'm thankful that they have the program for homeschoolers as well as public schools!! ^_^

After lunch, we headed to the mall to spend the rest of the Macy's gift card we received from one of Jessie's co-workers. Jess got another new tie! It's a gorgeous all blue tie... my favorite color. Then we went to do our phone upgrade and re-contract with T-Mobile (also in the mall). Jessie's old phone was on the fritz. His phones endure a lot of punishment. The back lighting for the screen of the phone was completed shnockered. And, on top of that, it blinked out every 5 seconds! Pretty tempermental. We've been up for a re-contract and phone upgrade since July or August of this year, so we did pretty well. The funny thing about Jessie's phone is that it was suffering some serious quirks after it's battered life... my phone was recently dunked in water and was still performing perfectly! Strange, but true!!!

A bit of an emergency arose and we resolved it, but ended up late for the children's Christmas party at The Club (the job Jess has had for just over 2 years now) as a result of the emergency. Thankfully Ria and Kat weren't too aware that we were late. They were just happy to be there. It was nice. They had activities and crafts set up for the children. Ria and Kat really seemed to have a GOOD time. Kat was inextricably drawn to the music (much too loud), but would simply stand next to the dance fear. This causes me some fears of paying for dance classed in which all she does is stand and watch the teacher. Hopefully she'll warm up and get involved pretty quickly. The thing about Kat is that she is slow to warm up (like her Daddy). Once she's comfy, she's VERY comfy (talkative, active, take-charge... more like me), but it takes a while for her to get to that point. There was not enough time at the party for her to get comfy enough to "get down and boogy" on the dance floor alone OR with her Daddy. She would step out on it, stand there for a second, run back to Mama or Daddy's legs, hug the legs, and then run off back toward the table at which Ria was stationed (working on a craft and/or eating). It was really funny.

We had a goal to be home just before 8 pm because a guy was planning to come to see one of Jessie's AMPs. Jess advertised it on Craigslist in hopes of a sale. The guy never showed, but we did get home in time to accomplish our goal! :) YEAY!

Believe it or not, Ria and Kat were in bed by 8:45 pm and asleep VERY soon thereafter. Jess followed soon and Tea and I not long after him. Tea and I were in bed very soon after that, which is much earlier than usual. Amazingly (to me) Tea slept most of the night with only a few nursing times. Even when she nursed, she didn't wake up entirely. So, she slept WELL! I rather expected that she would wake up earlier this morning than usual. Her usual wake-up time is around 11am. Well, this morning she woke up earlier than normal.... by about 10 minutes! Unbelievable, right? But true! She's SUCH a sweet and easy baby!!!!!

We Don't NEED Any THING More

The title of this post is a very specific thought I had a few days ago when considering all the blessing in the form of gifts we've received since Tea has arrived. A few people told me they wanted to have a baby shower for me. Initially I asked to postpone it until we knew the gender of the babe. Once we had another girl I sort of hoped it wouldn't be mentioned again. By the time it was, so many people had given us gifts that I asked if I could NOT have a shower just because I had everything from the two girls before... Anyway. I thought the subject was sort of done. Come to find out, it wasn't.

I mentioned that I was released from the calling of Primary Secretary. I have mourned the loss of the calling as well as the sort of camaraderie I felt at the end of my time in that calling. I know I'll receive another call, but I RARELY ever feel like I belong. I was in that calling for around 18 months and it was only in the last 6, maybe, that I felt that camaraderie. I went to Relief Society with not much excitement because I really wished to still be in Primary.

The sister conducting started the meeting by saying that the guest of honor was actually in Relief Society. I was looking around wondering who was new when what to my wondering ears should I hear but my name!! I felt this weird shock... like, "How did they know I was going to be in here!" I now know they didn't, actually. Anyway, she continued by telling me that the items on the front table were for me for Tea. They wanted to give us(my family), as a Relief Society, a gift because they loved me and my family so much. At first I didn't think or feel anything, I was just sort of in shock. Before she was done talking I burst into silent sobs and covered my whole face with Tea's hat. I think my reaction really surprised and slightly upset the small group of ladies present.

A few of them immediately came and surrounded me to touch and comfort, as sisters do. When I could breathe again, I choked out that I was just so grateful for such a gift that felt like a "Welcome Back" because I'd been mourning the loss of my Primary calling so poignantly. There were some noises of understanding and then some comments about using Tea's hat to collect my tears (I'd gone from covering my face with it to mopping up the wetness there).

As I reflect upon it now, I'm amazed at the miracle of the Lord's timing! You see, the Primary Presidency had submitted my release (and the replacement call to a new sister) around THREE MONTHS ago and it only just came through to me and my replacement last week. While my sisters in the presidency were anxious to have the change occur, the timing of my transition was perfect for me in two ways. #1 If I'd been released any sooner, my sadness would have been tremendously magnified by the horrible hormones I'm feeling less cumbered by currently (though, unfortunately, still experiencing). #2 The other part of the miracle of timing is that this gift my sisters prepared for me in secret was set out in the front of the room for presentation to me TODAY (they were going to get me from the Primary room to present it) on my FIRST day back in Relief Society. The Lord knew my need and He orchestrated it all to play so nicely for me! I'm SO grateful. I don't need any of those THINGS (except, maybe, the diapers and wipes), but I definitely needed to feel the love of my Ward Family in the way they hoped to communicate it through those gifts.

A New Friend
As an added bonus I resumed my self-determined calling (for when I don't have an official calling) of introducing myself to anyone I don't recognize. Is that sometimes embarrassing when I find out that they've been there longer than me and I've either never noticed them, never spoken to them, or have been so far gone and self-centered during my pregnancy that I didn't bother to try to meet them and they've been coming since then... well, yeah, ALL of those situations would be really upsetting to me. Thankfully, I haven't experienced them, though it's TOTALLY possible!

Today I met 3 groups and I think I completed my goal for my "calling" because I DO think I met everyone that was new. What a nice feeling! One of the groups I met was Dominique and her boys. She has THREE. Neat, huh? Her boys are all older than my girls and may be closer in age as well. The similarities continue. We both lack consistent transportation of our own. We both feel, intensely, the loneliness of being at home 24/7 with few to commiserate with or even to have adult conversations with.... Additionally, I learned in Relief Society that she may have some of the same hormonal freak issues that I have during the postpartum period.... She's also VERY spiritual. I'm not sure that I am. I think, often, than I'm not. But... I'm told pretty frequently that I others consider me very spiritual... so, that may be a similarity. I would like to think so, at least. :) She's just seems like a really neat person.

During Relief Society Dominique actually contributed a really pertinent and thoughtful comment to the lesson. I was so impressed and excited and almost immediately I asked her when she was going to get baptized. She seemed embarrassed and asked me if I thought she should. I'm pretty sure I told her I thought she should. A little later I added that she should pray about it and make sure that she didn't let a lack of knowledge stop her from getting baptized because she can learn specifics along the way.

I had a silly little thought... but hopeful. I thought that perhaps, even if I seem unable to help my husband recognize the truth of the Gospel, I can help someone else along the way. And then I thought something about how funny it would be if Dominique was baptized really soon....

I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the physical manifestation of the FULLY restored Gospel of Christ on earth today. I'm grateful for the hope and joy that the knowledge of that truth provides me. I believe all those who truly want to know, search, ponder, and pray on the question of its truthfulness will come to know that it IS true as I do (or with an even surer knowledge!). I'm grateful for the peace and comfort that the Book of Mormon brings me. I also believe that anyone who hopes to experience peace from reading and studying the Book of Mormon WILL! I know Jesus Christ IS our Savior AND He lives! What joy that sweet sentence gives and provides me... and CAN for you, too (if not already). ^_^

Today has been a good day....

Mouse Interrupted

Last night Jess made a Wal-Mart run on his way home from work. (This is pretty typical as Wal-Mart is about 30 minutes away from home, but only about 10 from work.) With milk for the girls I also mentioned that it was okay with me if he purchased a rat trap (on top of all the other traps we've had) to try to catch this wiley mousey. He was TOTALLY happy.

If you read comments this next bit will be redundant, I apologize.

My Mom mentioned that she hoped we found some pleasure in the movie MOUSE HUNT that Jessie borrowed as a sort of joke on the situation we'd been dealing with (a way to find some humor in something he'd been royal aggravated about). She, my Mom, also mentioned that when he was sorting out ways to deal with the mouse, ie: KILL IT, she'd totally thought of that movie, but didn't want to mention it at the time. (Jess gets really agitated... even angry over the buggers that torment him whether they be gnats, other bugs, or the mouse we had in our house.)

Well, we didn't even watch the movie, but that wasn't really the point. Jess remembered how it ended (I didn't!) he just got it as a lighter way to look at the situation he was so anxious and upset about.

When I initially (only moments ago) started writing in the bit about my Mom and the movie, I had a purpose and a destination for that train of thought, but it jumped its tracks and the whole thing completely disappeared. I can NOT remember (as is often a HUGE problem lately) the actual point for all of that. I'm leaving it, though, because I think it's sort of funny in and of itself.

If you haven't seen it already, here's a little video from my YouTube channel of Jess feeling smug and embarrassed while I teased him about "THE TEMPTATION TRAP" he'd made to GET the mouse.

Did you hear him say I'm so weird? WHO made the crazy tricky trap that the wiley RAT didn't even touch?? I say, WHO!? ;) heehee

Back to the main story. Jess brought the rat trap home last night and was trying to set it so he could put it out to trap our wiley mouse. It wouldn't set! No, seriously. He either chose the one poorly constructed one of the lot or the lot were all poorly constructed. We'll never know the answer because Jess was SO determined that this new trap should be up before he went to sleep that he took a huge wrench thing (for plumbing, I believe) and bent the wire that wasn't meeting the "set" point on the trap.

Have you seen a rat trap? I'm talking about the kind that is spring loaded like the mouse traps. If you have, then you'll know that the part that you pull back to "set" is made of some sort of metal wire that's as thick as an older child's finger! ROUGH STUFF. Jess almost hurt himself a couple of times (and I REALLY think this thing could break the finger of a man!), but managed to fix the problem so that the trap worked.

As it happens, mere hours after setting the trap and actually getting into bed (for Jess, it was only minutes after I went to bed) the trap went off. Well, that wasn't too surprising in itself. At least one of the mouse traps we'd had set out went off at least once a night every night since we've had them out. (SO annoying!) I didn't want to even attempt to set the trap so I woke Jess up to deal with it. I honestly thought the mouse had set it and run off as s/he'd been doing.

No so lucky, mousey. Come to find out, the mouse in our house was actually a brown rat! UGH! For some reason, the idea that this thing in our walls was a rat is SO much MORE revolting. Why is RAT so much more problematic for me than MOUSE? Let's take a comparison gander to see:












Even a rat mother (I'd had a feeling that the "mouse" was female and preggie: the reason for my hard time with the idea of killing it around the time Tea was born!). At this point, I simply hope that the imagined babies either never came to be or are too young to sustain life on their own!

Okay, so the trap was set off. Jess went out to ascertain, with my flashlight. dum-dum-da dum-dum-da.... DA DUM... He's a little breathless when he comes back to tell me, "The mouse is knocked out and coughing on the floor. I'm gunna go take care of it." What does 'take care of it mean,' you may wonder. Well, Jess has had a dream... a dream that came true last night (actually VERY early this morning, but I dicker). He's had a dream that when he caught the being in our wall, he would take it in the van, hold it over the side of the bridge into our town, revel in his triumph over it, and drop it into the river to be eaten by (he hopes) a tarpin. Why a tarpin? Well, I think it's mostly because tarpin are great fighters, so lots of fun to land for a fisherman and I guess he wants to feed the fish he fights? You don't eat tarpin, you drop 'em back... they're just fun to catch, apparently.

I, personally, think it's cruel and unusual punishment to WANT to catch a fish you have no intent to gut and eat... if you're gunna scare the bugger, you might as well finish the job! But I'm pretty sure I couldn't do anything with something I caught (one of the MANY reasons for choosing a man who COULD!).

Anyway...

A note before I close this LONG post... going over the bridge on the way to AND from church today, Jess wanted SO badly to tell me the exact point on the bridge that he dropped the rat from. I couldn't take it. I felt REALLY bad about the whole situation. I don't want a rat in my house, but I really didn't want to kill it either! I actually shed some tears (I totally hid from Jess!) over killing the potential mother of more mammals. *sigh* I could go on, but I really won't... I don't want you to know how totally and completely weird I am over the whole situation involving hurting and eventual death of the rodent that really didn't treat us well, to which I am an accomplice.

Another will follow as soon as I can manage to write up a much more joyful situation (at least for me). Hopefully with a picture or two.