This past week I read a post by a blogger I really like. She also has a second post, sort of a follow-up, about the same topic, which I recomend. But the one to which I've linked is the one that started me in the new mental direction I'm pursuing. Another paradigm shift to rock the end of my 2010!!! ^_^ The information containted in that post has been causing many "after shocks" in my mind and conversation since. I'm so interested in and profoundly effected by the recognition of truth and subsequent efforts to synthesize it and create some change in my mind and life resulting from the recognition, that I feel a desire and even need to share the info with those few who may read my meanderings here.
So, here I go!
Motivation is the thing that gets us going in a given direction. That's basic. Everybody knows it. Well, I would assume so anyway.
Have you considered the KIND of motivation effecting your efforts? The kind may well determine, at least in part (probably large), the outcome of your efforts to move in the direction of your choice. How? Let's look at some examples from my life.... just cause you probably know me some and may be able to identify with some of the examples or, at the very least, will surely be able to comprehend the message that pertains to you from my story. Stories are awesome that way, aren't they!?
So, let's say you know this perpetually fat girl. And, since you know me, you DO know at least one! :) Now, most people, to look at me, would not call me morbidly obese, but according to the charts I am. And, at the very least, I feel morbid about my obesity. ;) Seriously, though. I started getting fat, far as I can tell, when I was 10. Since then I've had two pretty good runs at being thinner. My thinnest each time saw me a size 10, but not able to drop the numbers on the scale below 160. Even when I was running 6 miles a day 5-6 days a week. Yes. I'm serious. So... how does this pertain to motivation? Well, what has always been the "inspiration" when motivated to lose weight? To get away from being fat, of course. Okay, so the "of course" really should not be OF COURSE, but for me it has been.
For a good part of my life (most of it!), I've been trying to move "away from" being fat. I've been motivated away from being fat. Well, the thing about "away from" motivation (and I can definitely tell you that in my life this truth is hard, cold, and basically a FACT and not just when it pertains to weight issues) is that when our psyche is far enough away from the source of it's motivation, the effort to move "away from" becomes less and less and eventually most "away from" motivated people (me, me, me!) will stop moving "away from" entirely and slowly slide back into habits that caused the problem from which the away to move "away from" motivation arose at the start of the whole process.
On the other end is our family decision to homeschool. Okay, so in the beginning it was a TORI-decision. But after Jess saw some of the fruit (Ria reading at 4 years old), he decided to embrage the hog and hop on board. ^_^ So, since then we've definitely have "towards" motivation working here in our hearts and home. And how do I know the difference? Well, when it's gotten very difficult and I've wanted to give up... we haven't. We have not stopped homeschooling even though the going has gotten VERY tough at times. We? Yes. Jess has pep-talked me back to determination to keep on keepin' on. It's definitely a team effort here in the Gollihugh home... whether he actually does any "teaching" or not... which he does do, actually quite often, I need my primary cheerleader!!!! I was and still am definitely motivated by some "away from" sort of inspiration, but the primary reason we keep going is because our Father in Heaven has communicated to us that this is the Path He would have us follow. And who would want to move "away from" Him!??!!!??
Another example of "towards" motivation for me is our birthing choices. Sure, there's the desire to move "away from" interventions and "away from" strangers in the process... but for me the first and foremost motivation has always been TOWARD the best experience for my baby, my man, and me (and now our girls, too, of course). And, of course, needing to confess Christ in ALL things, I must confess that His direction in this is THE last word.
In my own self, I have always been motivated toward the healthiest (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) way to give our babies the best very first start. I have been motivated toward doing what I know my body is capeable of doing and doing it in the best way possible, which, for us, has meant: at home, quiet, with our family, midwife, her assistant, and a close friend and/or my Mom to attend to the needs of littles. Yes, we have out young ones present to watch the birth because we desire that they should see their siblings born that they may know there are no if, ands, or buts about the new one's belonging in our family. Once again, this has definitely been a choice for which TOWARD motivation must necessarily be within Jess AND me. Last time (Tea's birth) my midwife had me so riled up and worried that I asked the Lord many times if I could please go to the hospital. He said no. I asked Jess if we could go to the hospital and HE said no. So, the two most important men in my life urged me TOWARD what I wanted most and we three pulled it off with our midwife present to pull the baby out to prevent shoulder distocia (since she was supposed to weigh upwards of 11.5 pounds according to the ultrasound. :p) Ain't God GREAT!??
Currently I am working to change my thinking in lots of ways because of the most recent pradigm shifts I've experienced, this whole motivation thing being the most recent one. One thing I'm really trying to change to TOWARD motivation is how I think about money. As a result of God's grace and provision for us, we were able to pay off our credit cards prior to becoming unemployed. Now, during this down-time (when Jess is working, but his income is NOT entirely sufficient for our needs) I'm striving to change my fiscal mind so that when the time comes and we have sufficient and some excess, we will be able to use what we have to great benefit of our family's future fiscal life.
Of course, I'm also working on TOWARD motivation regarding my body. And then maintaining the TOWARD motivation!
How about you? Can you see any goals you could apply a change of TOWARD motivation to increase the probability of long-term success? I hope you experience some mental earthquakes as a result of this info. I'm sure it'll only be the good kind... to shake your world up and enable you to make it TONS better!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Showing posts with label midwife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label midwife. Show all posts
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Sunday, December 26, 2010
A Very Merry and totally Miraculous Christmas!
It all started back in late October or sometime in early November. Projecting our finances, especially after the demotion at River Grille on The Tomoka, I knew we wouldn't be able to afford our "regular" $10 gift Christmas (giving each person $10 to spend on each other person in our little family). While our norm is really quite reasonable, when you do not have enough coming in, there isn't anything else to go out!
While, in truth, this was at first sort of depressing to me, I came up with a plan that was exciting to me and would include wonderful lessons for our whole family... The plan? To allocate only $50 ($10 each), which would be a stretch but much easier than the alternative, and spend it on gift certificates which we would then give to individuals at the homeless camp near-ish our home. When we discussed this plan as a family, the girls were, at first, sort of disappointed about not getting any presents themselves, but then they caught the vision and were excited about giving to those who need so much more than we. Ria even came up with a plan to have an art show to sell their art work so that they could have more money to buy gifts for those in need. Jess agreed with the plan.
Unbeknownst to me, Jess began to reconsider our family agreement. He was trying to figure out ways he could have gifts to give our girls on Christmas. Then he was fired from RG and he became, it seems to me, even more anxious to provide gifts for the girls even though the way for him to do so in and of ourselves was even more impossible. All this without telling me a thing about his thoughts or feelings.
Then, one day in early December he received a phone call from our midwife. He was out grocery shopping. She told him about an organization that chooses 100 Chef's in the area each year and then provides gifts for theChef's children. (My midwife did not know Jess had been fired from RG.) Jess told me he was in shock when he heard her tell him this and then ask if she could submit wish lists for our girls. He thanked her while on the phone, but the magnitude of the magnitude of the blessing only hit him when he got to his car, where he promptly began to shed tears of gratitude.
He came home and told me all about it. I felt angry at first (because he started by telling me he'd been trying to think of how to get gifts for the girls), but as I listened I became aware of the blessing and miracle. My reaction: "You know this is not about our girls. This is about YOU. This is a gift from Father to YOU for our girls because He knows your heart and the wishes of it and He wants to show you that He loves you and that you are worthy in His sight." I think Jessie heard me this time.... He acknowledged the truthfulness of what I said, at least.
There's more.
My Ward family (earth angels, in my sight) gave us gift certificates to use at Wal-Mart for the girls. A lot of them.
There's more.
A really sweet family in our Ward was given dresses (just about the sizes of our daughters), which they wrapped and gave to our girls as well as a matching shirt for Mama. Then, Christmas Eve that same thoughtful family came over to deliver gifts for the girls (2 each, I believe, plus a few gifts for all three)! A whole family of earth angels, that!
So, our Christmas Tree, when we moved all the gifts to places around it, was so very FULL of gifts.... More full than any Christmas I can remember from my childhood... and I have 5 siblings! More full than any Christmas Jess can recall (though he does have only one sib). The only "match" for this Christmas is the Christmas Jessie's sister Anni visited and my sweet, dear friend Heather came to deliver more than 3 large black garbage bags full of presents for our family on Christmas Eve back in 2008 (I think).... We are so very blessed!!!
Now, some might consider all this story a series of sweet coincidences. Some might write it off to synchronicity. Others might say it's a chance collaboration of unlikely events. Another might say it's luck, or a happy accident, fate, or some other such verbal "write off" of what is REALLY miraculous. You see, to see miracles, I have learned, it takes an Eye of Faith. It requires Spiritual Eyes, which are only ever opened BY Fiath, to see what can not be seen by those who would name away that which is plainly seen through Faith... who would close their eyes to what is real and readily before us, but easily explained away. Yes, it IS easy to explain away! I used to do it. Jess has only recently stopped! But let's call a miracle a miracle and open our dimmed eyes to see the fine threads, invisible without Faith, of Father's awesome plan. Let's see them as they intertwine and combine to create this magnificent tapestry we live, it makes up our lives! God's got it! For sure. Let Go, Let God. He will bring so much more than we can provide, if we'll just WAIT ON THE LORD in ALL things!
And so, seeing with my Spiritual Eyes, opened by Faith, I proclaim that THIS, my friends... this Christmas is for Jessie (as well as our daughters, of course... and for me, too, I'm sure, but I just feel SO much that it's FOR Jessie most of all cause it's the wishes and hopes of HIS heart that was answered upon the heads and into the hearts of our children!). Do you see how the Lord loves him?? And our Father loves us ALL this way!!! Isn't His Love amazing??!!!?? The way our AWESOME God knows the wishes and hopes of our heart and manifests them in the world when we are simply TRYING to live as He would have us do to the best of our ability at any given time!??!!
Our God is a personal God. He knows us as individuals and Loves us no matter what. He knows what we are capeable of right now... as well as what we MAY do in the future if we'll just submit to Him and His knowledge and His guidance and do our best understanding of His Will! And He blesses us so tremendously for our pitiful and puny efforts to be like our Dear Savior, Jesus Christ. I must confess Christ in all things. We are commanded to do so and so I do: This is ALL from Him and we are SO VERY THANKFUL!!! We are so thankful to those who have acted as instruments in His hands to bless our lives, to bring such temporal manifestations of God's Love into our world this Christmas. THANK YOU!!!!
Thank you, God.
Merry MERRY Christmas! I hope His Birthday was a lovely day for you and yours and that some of the wishes and hopes of YOUR heart were manifest in this temporal and saddly fallen world of ours! :)
This is my truth. This is my testimony. And I bear this, my testimony, in the name of our Savior and Risen Lord, Jesus Christ. AMEN!
While, in truth, this was at first sort of depressing to me, I came up with a plan that was exciting to me and would include wonderful lessons for our whole family... The plan? To allocate only $50 ($10 each), which would be a stretch but much easier than the alternative, and spend it on gift certificates which we would then give to individuals at the homeless camp near-ish our home. When we discussed this plan as a family, the girls were, at first, sort of disappointed about not getting any presents themselves, but then they caught the vision and were excited about giving to those who need so much more than we. Ria even came up with a plan to have an art show to sell their art work so that they could have more money to buy gifts for those in need. Jess agreed with the plan.
Unbeknownst to me, Jess began to reconsider our family agreement. He was trying to figure out ways he could have gifts to give our girls on Christmas. Then he was fired from RG and he became, it seems to me, even more anxious to provide gifts for the girls even though the way for him to do so in and of ourselves was even more impossible. All this without telling me a thing about his thoughts or feelings.
Then, one day in early December he received a phone call from our midwife. He was out grocery shopping. She told him about an organization that chooses 100 Chef's in the area each year and then provides gifts for theChef's children. (My midwife did not know Jess had been fired from RG.) Jess told me he was in shock when he heard her tell him this and then ask if she could submit wish lists for our girls. He thanked her while on the phone, but the magnitude of the magnitude of the blessing only hit him when he got to his car, where he promptly began to shed tears of gratitude.
He came home and told me all about it. I felt angry at first (because he started by telling me he'd been trying to think of how to get gifts for the girls), but as I listened I became aware of the blessing and miracle. My reaction: "You know this is not about our girls. This is about YOU. This is a gift from Father to YOU for our girls because He knows your heart and the wishes of it and He wants to show you that He loves you and that you are worthy in His sight." I think Jessie heard me this time.... He acknowledged the truthfulness of what I said, at least.
There's more.
My Ward family (earth angels, in my sight) gave us gift certificates to use at Wal-Mart for the girls. A lot of them.
There's more.
A really sweet family in our Ward was given dresses (just about the sizes of our daughters), which they wrapped and gave to our girls as well as a matching shirt for Mama. Then, Christmas Eve that same thoughtful family came over to deliver gifts for the girls (2 each, I believe, plus a few gifts for all three)! A whole family of earth angels, that!
So, our Christmas Tree, when we moved all the gifts to places around it, was so very FULL of gifts.... More full than any Christmas I can remember from my childhood... and I have 5 siblings! More full than any Christmas Jess can recall (though he does have only one sib). The only "match" for this Christmas is the Christmas Jessie's sister Anni visited and my sweet, dear friend Heather came to deliver more than 3 large black garbage bags full of presents for our family on Christmas Eve back in 2008 (I think).... We are so very blessed!!!
Now, some might consider all this story a series of sweet coincidences. Some might write it off to synchronicity. Others might say it's a chance collaboration of unlikely events. Another might say it's luck, or a happy accident, fate, or some other such verbal "write off" of what is REALLY miraculous. You see, to see miracles, I have learned, it takes an Eye of Faith. It requires Spiritual Eyes, which are only ever opened BY Fiath, to see what can not be seen by those who would name away that which is plainly seen through Faith... who would close their eyes to what is real and readily before us, but easily explained away. Yes, it IS easy to explain away! I used to do it. Jess has only recently stopped! But let's call a miracle a miracle and open our dimmed eyes to see the fine threads, invisible without Faith, of Father's awesome plan. Let's see them as they intertwine and combine to create this magnificent tapestry we live, it makes up our lives! God's got it! For sure. Let Go, Let God. He will bring so much more than we can provide, if we'll just WAIT ON THE LORD in ALL things!
And so, seeing with my Spiritual Eyes, opened by Faith, I proclaim that THIS, my friends... this Christmas is for Jessie (as well as our daughters, of course... and for me, too, I'm sure, but I just feel SO much that it's FOR Jessie most of all cause it's the wishes and hopes of HIS heart that was answered upon the heads and into the hearts of our children!). Do you see how the Lord loves him?? And our Father loves us ALL this way!!! Isn't His Love amazing??!!!?? The way our AWESOME God knows the wishes and hopes of our heart and manifests them in the world when we are simply TRYING to live as He would have us do to the best of our ability at any given time!??!!
Our God is a personal God. He knows us as individuals and Loves us no matter what. He knows what we are capeable of right now... as well as what we MAY do in the future if we'll just submit to Him and His knowledge and His guidance and do our best understanding of His Will! And He blesses us so tremendously for our pitiful and puny efforts to be like our Dear Savior, Jesus Christ. I must confess Christ in all things. We are commanded to do so and so I do: This is ALL from Him and we are SO VERY THANKFUL!!! We are so thankful to those who have acted as instruments in His hands to bless our lives, to bring such temporal manifestations of God's Love into our world this Christmas. THANK YOU!!!!
Thank you, God.
Merry MERRY Christmas! I hope His Birthday was a lovely day for you and yours and that some of the wishes and hopes of YOUR heart were manifest in this temporal and saddly fallen world of ours! :)
This is my truth. This is my testimony. And I bear this, my testimony, in the name of our Savior and Risen Lord, Jesus Christ. AMEN!
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Friday, September 19, 2008
Temple Trip and Lots of Other News
TEMPLE TRIP
We were able to get to the temple on Tuesday. It was WONDERFUL for me. Jess let me do an endowment, which is at least 30 minutes longer than if I serve in an alternative way. I was able to converse with a lady I met last month. It was really nice. Jess and the girls were really hot when I was finished. I'm so grateful for their sacrifice for me! (Especially Jess, the girls were just totally happy to be at the temple!)
Kat was especially pleased to be there. She shrieked when she saw the temple spire the first time and then when she saw it (and I was present) each time after that she would say in her sweet loving way, "Bumpoo," which, 'in Kat,' is temple, of course.
Ria was totally and completely excited to get to go to the temple when we told her about the trip the night before. She was thrilled to be there and excited about the prospect of a picnic for breakfast, made possible by a sweet, generous, and totally thoughtful gift from someone we all love! That gift enabled us to have STORE BOUGHT food (we've been bringing our own lately) and that was RIGHT UP THERE with the joy of being at the temple for Ria! ^_^ It's pretty funny how into food our girls are... but, then again, maybe not. ;) We were able to stop at Chick-Fil-A on the way home, which was our first meal out in a restaurant in a VERY long time. And our girls really seem to LOVE eating in restaurants! It's pretty cool and sort of funny. They are quite well-behaved, too! Believe it or not.
Acorn TEA!
Jess and the girls gathered acorns for the purpose of making Acorn Coffee. Ria was just tickled pink that she would get to have some "coffee" and Mama is not pleased about the name of the beverage. We're trying to call it Acorn Tea, but Ria is really attached to "coffee" much to Mama's chagrin! Jess cracked the acorns and the girls and Mama worked to remove the meat from the shell on Wednesday. Jess finished the preparations and we had Acorn TEA with out dinner on Wed. It was actually pretty interesting in flavor. And then we tried it with some creamer - even better! And finally we added some Quick... WOW! What FLAVOR!!! And, apparently, acorns are FULL of nutrients (the squirrels knew it all along!). Indians used it in everything and it's really good as a fortifier! So, we're hoping to experiment with it (especially Jess). There will, surely, be a blog post about ACORNS from Jess before too long. ^_^
Midwife Non-Visit
Today at dance class someone made mention of the fact that Karen, my midwife, is the only one in her practice so that if she had a birth and I had an appointment I wouldn' t get to see her. I acknowledged that, but added that I probably wouldn't want to see anyone else even if there was another midwife in the practice. Well, Karen had a labor this evening and I had an appointment... so I didn't get to see her. It toally IS a bummer, but I still feel that I wouldn't want to see anyone else, so it all works out. She's planning to come on Saturday, so I'll still get to see her this week. I'm in my weekly visits now, so I think she feels it's important to make sure to see me this week.
People really look at you oddly when they find out you home birth... I never really KNEW it the way I do now because when I was preggie with Kat I couldn't really talk about it since my midwife was sort of not totally legal and all. It's weird how totally brainwashed basically EVERYONE is... okay, so out of 5 women, MAYBE 1 will be admiring or say something positive about the prospect and fact of home birth. The others just look at me like I'm a freak or say something negative (or both, really). I don't say rude things about their choice to expose their newborn to untold numbers of pathogens by having a hospital birth when they are completely and totally healthy... but hey, at least I know it! I'm glad hospitals are there, but I just wish people knew how unnecessary they are for the majority of births, mothers, and babies! ahwell...
DANCE CLASS
I had two talks with Ria before her dance class about her behavior in class last week and how she SHOULD behave. She did MUCH better even when she wasn't moved away from the other girls. She's SUCH a total social butterfly/magnet, though! A few times I saw her move from an "outskirts" sort of position (put there by teacher) to a position IN THE MIDDLE of the other girls. One of those moves is caught on a video you'll be able to view before long. When I asked her about it (without leading) she said that even after her teachers moved her the other girls came around her! ....hmmm.... that's TOTALLY NOT what I saw. But, obviously, that's how she felt things were happening! How funny, right?
TAP SHOES ALL AROUND
Ria received her special pink sparkly tap shoes in class this week. She's TOTALLY happy with them! I'm pleased that she's so happy and now Kat gets some tap shoes, too! :) TWO winners for the price of one! They are both SO in love with dancing and, especially right now, their new tap shoes!! Kat was completely and totally happy to get to wear tap shoes (even though they are AT LEAST 2 sizes too big!!). She snuck her little feet on the grey dance mat during class time to do her own tapping to the music and when the class was over I let her run around on the mat with her tap shoes on. She was IN HEAVEN!
I took some video and pictures of our two little dancers. They are so fun! Ria is actually very attentive and DANCING (she wasn't so much, last week, if you recall). Now, I just have to make the time (amidst my work and other activities) to upload them to the computer and then load into blogger (here).
Daddy Gifts
I have this tradition around the time of the birth of a new addition to our family. I feel it's really important and a way I can show Jess how much I love him and appreciate him and all he does. It's a gift of some sort that I give to him in expectation of the new arrival or shortly after the birth. With Ria I couldn't really think of anything particular, so I arranged for a few of his buddies to take him to a bar across the street and hang out there for a while. He really enjoyed spending time with his friends, but wasn't thrilled with the whole bar atmosphere anymore. A joy to hear, but also a crimp because I would have to come up with a new "gift" for the next birth.
When I was still preggie with Kat things were crazy and I knew they would get even crazier after she was born, so even though the "gift" wasn't extra humongo or anything, I arranged for a day that I would encourage him strongly to go off and fish on his own. Considering that I was packing the house while trying to deal with our unruley 2 yr 6 month old Ria, sacrificing a day of him being away was a BIG gift from me at the time! He was pleased with it, though. If you know him, you'll think, "Duh, give that man some time to fish and he's happy for a week!" But, if you know me, you'll know that I would like to do more for him.
This time (currently pregnancy) I had something very specific I wanted to do, but never any time to do it. Seriously, I haven't even finished the new baby's blanket, jacket, hat, shoes, or Tigger!!!! Well, the other night I decided to sacrifice work time (money making time) and baby gift making time to work on his special "Daddy" gift and some other house stuff. The reason for the "other house stuff" is that I couldn't possibly do just one thing, as per Tori, I had to have at least 3 things I could vascillate among depending upon my interest and ability to focus my attention on any one of them. It worked out quite well and I accomplished a GREAT DEAL in 3 hours!
This particular gift is especially huge considering the amount of physical effort required. I have tried NOT to complain too much about the pain I've had more and more of lately, but it's getting quite rediculous, really. I'm going to share a bit about it here and now only to illustrate further what a great gift this thing that I did for Jess is. :) Illustration of my pains: most days I wake up and either my hips or back hurt VERY very baddly and I either have constipation and/or a totally upset tummy (like unable to eat barfy feeling upset!). My hips will throb off and on through the day and cause my walks, when I can kick my butt out the door (usually only 3 or 4 days a week right now), are very slow, but, amazingly, I still sweat! Perhaps I sweat as a result of the pain... either belly, back, or hips hurt every time now. Anyway... When my back hurts, it hurts ALL day. Major bummer, of course, but almost more tolerable than the off and on pulsing throb of the hips, which LITERALLY stops me in mid step and causes me to shriek when at their worst. I'm TOTALLY not exhaggerating. My poor girls are getting pretty desensitized to hearing Mama in pain... but then, maybe that's a GOOD thing! ^_^ I'd rather have neither of those pains, of course! And the upset tummy thing... well, I'm not eating very much. I'm drinking tons of milk (to get the protein in) and for whatever reason I can tolerate that. But I can often eat only 1 banana for breakfast and a ramakin size amount of most anything else. (I just discovered this is basically the perfect size (FULL) when I'm hungry. If I don't feel hungry, but need to eat, if I full the ramakin about 1/2 way it's enough to help me feel good about eating, but not feel barfy 30 minutes later. How annoying, right? Anyway... motion often aggravates the upset tummy feeling. ARGGH! BUT helps move the stuff that causes the constipation. Win on one hand, lose on the other! anyway...
Daddy's POCD Area/Spot
Back to the gift! So, when we were given the awesome livingroom furniture we have now Jess wondered what to do with the old $10 couch we'd purchased from Goodwill. I already knew what I wanted to do with it! I moved it to the garage and started a corner that I wanted to turn over to Jess as "HIS SPOT" at some point. He bugged me about getting rid of the couch, so I had to share my plan. He was really happy with the idea and subsequently found a really nice arm chair that seemed to go REALLY well with the couch! Then someone from Jessie's work gave him a small TV and VCR, which were the PERFECT size to fit in the shelving that I'd designated for his "entertainment center". You see, I got this idea that I wanted to make a corner in the garage for Jess from a house on my longer walks (way back when!). The front half of that garage was dedicated to a whole outside hang-out area/grill spot. While we couldn't do that because we park our vehicles in the garage, I could totally see using a small area for a Daddy area.
Well, over time the area was sort of jam packed with random things. Jess hadn't started using it because the TV/VCR came many moons after the furniture and he just never went out there to hang out alone when it was just the furniture. And the shelves had stuff he didn't want to move when he DID get the TV... so it just collected stuff.
The other night I spent the majority of the 3 hours I put ChaCha aside to clean up and clear out the spot I wanted for Jess. Just as a note, my back AND hips hurt really bad that night, but I just couldn't see it getting better and I wanted to have the area ready for Jess BEFORE this baby arrived. So, it was completed that night! The projected entailed reorganization of that whole side of the garage, movement of lots of things, large and small. It's been 2 days since the work and my shoulders are STILL killing me! My back actually felt better mid-way into the effort, but my hips have been significantly worse since then. But Jess is REALLY happy with it! Unfortunately, he found out about it WHILE I was doing the work because he heard something that woke him up. I was really hoping he would take the girls out there for Story Time and see it then... but, alas, he foiled my plan! My hard sleeping hubby actually awakened! :P
I had the joy of realizing exactly how much he loves his area over the past couple of days. I call his area "DADDY's POCD Area/Spot". The acronym stands for: Pissed Off Cool Down. ^_^ Appropriate, don't you think? So, not only did I find Jess with our girls chillin and sort of neslting down in HIS area after Story Time yesterday, but he told me how cool people at work thought it was (he doesn't tell people at work all that much, so that's a HUGE indicator of how much he loves it), AND again he and the girls were hanging out there today when I got up! ^_^ So, I'm SUPER pleased that he's so very happy with his spot!
Daddy's So Pleased
Jess has been Ria's primary HS teacher as of late. He's SO pleased with her reading ability and bragging to me about her reading level. I've sort of taken over the "Principal" role, in that I ask him to focus on ____ and follow up with questions about how it went afterward. It's been kind of nice. Difficult for me because he does classes SO different from how I would prefer... especially Writing Class, but I'm doing REALLY well at not criticising and just letting it happen. As Principal, though, I have asked him to be a little more attentive to reading class (since he falls asleep a lot) and to work more closely with Ria during Writing class so they can focus on spacing, which she doesn't stick to very well.
When they went to the library yesterday, Jess picked out a bunch of books that were all 2nd and 3rd grade reading levels. When he was reading through the levels of the books, he came across one that said FIRST and he turns to Ria, all surprised, and asks, "Who snuck that one in there!?" Of course, it's totally not a big deal because we DO want and ask her to choose books SHE wants to read. But it was REALLY funny for me because he was just SURE that ALL of them were 2nd and 3rd grade reading levels! ^_^
I'm not at all surprised that her capacity is so high since he's had her reading the HUGE Disney watercolor illustrated books (like +60 pages and totally NOT easy readers)! He bragged to me when I awakened today that her reading class consisted of a 3rd grade book and she'd done perfectly well with it. ^_^ As it happens, it was a 2nd/3rd grade book, but still!
What a pleasure it is for me to hear him speaking with such excitement about her education! I mean, he's been totally supportive and all, and happy for my excitement, but he just wasn't getting excited about her abilities. Now that he's involved, he totally is! So, this is another way I'm trying to see this difficult time as a positive experience. He's becoming more invested in her education and intelligence! I'm so glad I turned classes over to him since he's home!
We were able to get to the temple on Tuesday. It was WONDERFUL for me. Jess let me do an endowment, which is at least 30 minutes longer than if I serve in an alternative way. I was able to converse with a lady I met last month. It was really nice. Jess and the girls were really hot when I was finished. I'm so grateful for their sacrifice for me! (Especially Jess, the girls were just totally happy to be at the temple!)
Kat was especially pleased to be there. She shrieked when she saw the temple spire the first time and then when she saw it (and I was present) each time after that she would say in her sweet loving way, "Bumpoo," which, 'in Kat,' is temple, of course.
Ria was totally and completely excited to get to go to the temple when we told her about the trip the night before. She was thrilled to be there and excited about the prospect of a picnic for breakfast, made possible by a sweet, generous, and totally thoughtful gift from someone we all love! That gift enabled us to have STORE BOUGHT food (we've been bringing our own lately) and that was RIGHT UP THERE with the joy of being at the temple for Ria! ^_^ It's pretty funny how into food our girls are... but, then again, maybe not. ;) We were able to stop at Chick-Fil-A on the way home, which was our first meal out in a restaurant in a VERY long time. And our girls really seem to LOVE eating in restaurants! It's pretty cool and sort of funny. They are quite well-behaved, too! Believe it or not.
Acorn TEA!
Jess and the girls gathered acorns for the purpose of making Acorn Coffee. Ria was just tickled pink that she would get to have some "coffee" and Mama is not pleased about the name of the beverage. We're trying to call it Acorn Tea, but Ria is really attached to "coffee" much to Mama's chagrin! Jess cracked the acorns and the girls and Mama worked to remove the meat from the shell on Wednesday. Jess finished the preparations and we had Acorn TEA with out dinner on Wed. It was actually pretty interesting in flavor. And then we tried it with some creamer - even better! And finally we added some Quick... WOW! What FLAVOR!!! And, apparently, acorns are FULL of nutrients (the squirrels knew it all along!). Indians used it in everything and it's really good as a fortifier! So, we're hoping to experiment with it (especially Jess). There will, surely, be a blog post about ACORNS from Jess before too long. ^_^
Midwife Non-Visit
Today at dance class someone made mention of the fact that Karen, my midwife, is the only one in her practice so that if she had a birth and I had an appointment I wouldn' t get to see her. I acknowledged that, but added that I probably wouldn't want to see anyone else even if there was another midwife in the practice. Well, Karen had a labor this evening and I had an appointment... so I didn't get to see her. It toally IS a bummer, but I still feel that I wouldn't want to see anyone else, so it all works out. She's planning to come on Saturday, so I'll still get to see her this week. I'm in my weekly visits now, so I think she feels it's important to make sure to see me this week.
People really look at you oddly when they find out you home birth... I never really KNEW it the way I do now because when I was preggie with Kat I couldn't really talk about it since my midwife was sort of not totally legal and all. It's weird how totally brainwashed basically EVERYONE is... okay, so out of 5 women, MAYBE 1 will be admiring or say something positive about the prospect and fact of home birth. The others just look at me like I'm a freak or say something negative (or both, really). I don't say rude things about their choice to expose their newborn to untold numbers of pathogens by having a hospital birth when they are completely and totally healthy... but hey, at least I know it! I'm glad hospitals are there, but I just wish people knew how unnecessary they are for the majority of births, mothers, and babies! ahwell...
DANCE CLASS
I had two talks with Ria before her dance class about her behavior in class last week and how she SHOULD behave. She did MUCH better even when she wasn't moved away from the other girls. She's SUCH a total social butterfly/magnet, though! A few times I saw her move from an "outskirts" sort of position (put there by teacher) to a position IN THE MIDDLE of the other girls. One of those moves is caught on a video you'll be able to view before long. When I asked her about it (without leading) she said that even after her teachers moved her the other girls came around her! ....hmmm.... that's TOTALLY NOT what I saw. But, obviously, that's how she felt things were happening! How funny, right?
TAP SHOES ALL AROUND
Ria received her special pink sparkly tap shoes in class this week. She's TOTALLY happy with them! I'm pleased that she's so happy and now Kat gets some tap shoes, too! :) TWO winners for the price of one! They are both SO in love with dancing and, especially right now, their new tap shoes!! Kat was completely and totally happy to get to wear tap shoes (even though they are AT LEAST 2 sizes too big!!). She snuck her little feet on the grey dance mat during class time to do her own tapping to the music and when the class was over I let her run around on the mat with her tap shoes on. She was IN HEAVEN!
I took some video and pictures of our two little dancers. They are so fun! Ria is actually very attentive and DANCING (she wasn't so much, last week, if you recall). Now, I just have to make the time (amidst my work and other activities) to upload them to the computer and then load into blogger (here).
Daddy Gifts
I have this tradition around the time of the birth of a new addition to our family. I feel it's really important and a way I can show Jess how much I love him and appreciate him and all he does. It's a gift of some sort that I give to him in expectation of the new arrival or shortly after the birth. With Ria I couldn't really think of anything particular, so I arranged for a few of his buddies to take him to a bar across the street and hang out there for a while. He really enjoyed spending time with his friends, but wasn't thrilled with the whole bar atmosphere anymore. A joy to hear, but also a crimp because I would have to come up with a new "gift" for the next birth.
When I was still preggie with Kat things were crazy and I knew they would get even crazier after she was born, so even though the "gift" wasn't extra humongo or anything, I arranged for a day that I would encourage him strongly to go off and fish on his own. Considering that I was packing the house while trying to deal with our unruley 2 yr 6 month old Ria, sacrificing a day of him being away was a BIG gift from me at the time! He was pleased with it, though. If you know him, you'll think, "Duh, give that man some time to fish and he's happy for a week!" But, if you know me, you'll know that I would like to do more for him.
This time (currently pregnancy) I had something very specific I wanted to do, but never any time to do it. Seriously, I haven't even finished the new baby's blanket, jacket, hat, shoes, or Tigger!!!! Well, the other night I decided to sacrifice work time (money making time) and baby gift making time to work on his special "Daddy" gift and some other house stuff. The reason for the "other house stuff" is that I couldn't possibly do just one thing, as per Tori, I had to have at least 3 things I could vascillate among depending upon my interest and ability to focus my attention on any one of them. It worked out quite well and I accomplished a GREAT DEAL in 3 hours!
This particular gift is especially huge considering the amount of physical effort required. I have tried NOT to complain too much about the pain I've had more and more of lately, but it's getting quite rediculous, really. I'm going to share a bit about it here and now only to illustrate further what a great gift this thing that I did for Jess is. :) Illustration of my pains: most days I wake up and either my hips or back hurt VERY very baddly and I either have constipation and/or a totally upset tummy (like unable to eat barfy feeling upset!). My hips will throb off and on through the day and cause my walks, when I can kick my butt out the door (usually only 3 or 4 days a week right now), are very slow, but, amazingly, I still sweat! Perhaps I sweat as a result of the pain... either belly, back, or hips hurt every time now. Anyway... When my back hurts, it hurts ALL day. Major bummer, of course, but almost more tolerable than the off and on pulsing throb of the hips, which LITERALLY stops me in mid step and causes me to shriek when at their worst. I'm TOTALLY not exhaggerating. My poor girls are getting pretty desensitized to hearing Mama in pain... but then, maybe that's a GOOD thing! ^_^ I'd rather have neither of those pains, of course! And the upset tummy thing... well, I'm not eating very much. I'm drinking tons of milk (to get the protein in) and for whatever reason I can tolerate that. But I can often eat only 1 banana for breakfast and a ramakin size amount of most anything else. (I just discovered this is basically the perfect size (FULL) when I'm hungry. If I don't feel hungry, but need to eat, if I full the ramakin about 1/2 way it's enough to help me feel good about eating, but not feel barfy 30 minutes later. How annoying, right? Anyway... motion often aggravates the upset tummy feeling. ARGGH! BUT helps move the stuff that causes the constipation. Win on one hand, lose on the other! anyway...
Daddy's POCD Area/Spot
Back to the gift! So, when we were given the awesome livingroom furniture we have now Jess wondered what to do with the old $10 couch we'd purchased from Goodwill. I already knew what I wanted to do with it! I moved it to the garage and started a corner that I wanted to turn over to Jess as "HIS SPOT" at some point. He bugged me about getting rid of the couch, so I had to share my plan. He was really happy with the idea and subsequently found a really nice arm chair that seemed to go REALLY well with the couch! Then someone from Jessie's work gave him a small TV and VCR, which were the PERFECT size to fit in the shelving that I'd designated for his "entertainment center". You see, I got this idea that I wanted to make a corner in the garage for Jess from a house on my longer walks (way back when!). The front half of that garage was dedicated to a whole outside hang-out area/grill spot. While we couldn't do that because we park our vehicles in the garage, I could totally see using a small area for a Daddy area.
Well, over time the area was sort of jam packed with random things. Jess hadn't started using it because the TV/VCR came many moons after the furniture and he just never went out there to hang out alone when it was just the furniture. And the shelves had stuff he didn't want to move when he DID get the TV... so it just collected stuff.
The other night I spent the majority of the 3 hours I put ChaCha aside to clean up and clear out the spot I wanted for Jess. Just as a note, my back AND hips hurt really bad that night, but I just couldn't see it getting better and I wanted to have the area ready for Jess BEFORE this baby arrived. So, it was completed that night! The projected entailed reorganization of that whole side of the garage, movement of lots of things, large and small. It's been 2 days since the work and my shoulders are STILL killing me! My back actually felt better mid-way into the effort, but my hips have been significantly worse since then. But Jess is REALLY happy with it! Unfortunately, he found out about it WHILE I was doing the work because he heard something that woke him up. I was really hoping he would take the girls out there for Story Time and see it then... but, alas, he foiled my plan! My hard sleeping hubby actually awakened! :P
I had the joy of realizing exactly how much he loves his area over the past couple of days. I call his area "DADDY's POCD Area/Spot". The acronym stands for: Pissed Off Cool Down. ^_^ Appropriate, don't you think? So, not only did I find Jess with our girls chillin and sort of neslting down in HIS area after Story Time yesterday, but he told me how cool people at work thought it was (he doesn't tell people at work all that much, so that's a HUGE indicator of how much he loves it), AND again he and the girls were hanging out there today when I got up! ^_^ So, I'm SUPER pleased that he's so very happy with his spot!
Daddy's So Pleased
Jess has been Ria's primary HS teacher as of late. He's SO pleased with her reading ability and bragging to me about her reading level. I've sort of taken over the "Principal" role, in that I ask him to focus on ____ and follow up with questions about how it went afterward. It's been kind of nice. Difficult for me because he does classes SO different from how I would prefer... especially Writing Class, but I'm doing REALLY well at not criticising and just letting it happen. As Principal, though, I have asked him to be a little more attentive to reading class (since he falls asleep a lot) and to work more closely with Ria during Writing class so they can focus on spacing, which she doesn't stick to very well.
When they went to the library yesterday, Jess picked out a bunch of books that were all 2nd and 3rd grade reading levels. When he was reading through the levels of the books, he came across one that said FIRST and he turns to Ria, all surprised, and asks, "Who snuck that one in there!?" Of course, it's totally not a big deal because we DO want and ask her to choose books SHE wants to read. But it was REALLY funny for me because he was just SURE that ALL of them were 2nd and 3rd grade reading levels! ^_^
I'm not at all surprised that her capacity is so high since he's had her reading the HUGE Disney watercolor illustrated books (like +60 pages and totally NOT easy readers)! He bragged to me when I awakened today that her reading class consisted of a 3rd grade book and she'd done perfectly well with it. ^_^ As it happens, it was a 2nd/3rd grade book, but still!
What a pleasure it is for me to hear him speaking with such excitement about her education! I mean, he's been totally supportive and all, and happy for my excitement, but he just wasn't getting excited about her abilities. Now that he's involved, he totally is! So, this is another way I'm trying to see this difficult time as a positive experience. He's becoming more invested in her education and intelligence! I'm so glad I turned classes over to him since he's home!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Pictures with a Story to Tell!
I just have to share these pictures!
They are totally heartwarming and touching
in my opinion, of course.
Our girls accompany me/us to each
prenatal appointment that I have.
The first picture is the only one that I "asked" for.
The girls were already playing "Midwife"
when I saw them and asked that Ria keep doing
what she was just about to stop so I could get a picture.
The Midwife checks the fetal heart rate with
a fetascope (we don't usually use a Doppler).
They are totally heartwarming and touching
in my opinion, of course.
Our girls accompany me/us to each
prenatal appointment that I have.
The first picture is the only one that I "asked" for.
The girls were already playing "Midwife"
when I saw them and asked that Ria keep doing
what she was just about to stop so I could get a picture.
The Midwife checks the fetal heart rate with
a fetascope (we don't usually use a Doppler).
From there she just continued with the procedures.
This next one is the "Midwife" measuring
the height of the fundus (uterus).
Here the midwife presents the baby to the "new mama".
The "new mama" breast feeds her baby
for the first time!
for the first time!
New Mama covers her baby up.
New Mama loves her baby.
The Midwife checks the Mama's heartrate.
Mama snuggles with her baby.
Mama drinks some water while Midwife checks baby.Thirsty work having babies!
Midwife bringing baby back to Mama,
who was getting anxious.
who was getting anxious.
Midwife presents baby for first photo!
These pictures show Kat with her most recent invention. It's actually a plastic bag that comes over our PennySaver, but she, initially, used it as a "potholder". She would pick something up and tell us, "hot" and then move it to another location and repeat to us that it was hot. More recently, after my labor scare with midwife visit at home and check on my cervix, Kat has "used" it as a glove like my midwife's. She puts it on and then tries to stick her hand up between my legs. Of course, this is not allowed, but has cause me great guffaws (inside since I don't want to offend her sensibilities!). As of today she attempted to give Daddy a vaginal exam. He was totally clueless until I REALLY pointed it out and he realized what she was trying to do. Then he got all flustered and said something like 'That won't work on me, I don't have a vagina!' It was a HOOT! Just as absolute RIOT!
The "glove" pictures happened just yesterday, Sept. 2, 2008! The midwife appointment\
pictures were from a couple weeks ago. I have SO many pictures to upload! :p
pictures were from a couple weeks ago. I have SO many pictures to upload! :p
Sunday, August 17, 2008
An Amazing Blessing and Gift
Yesterday I picked up the mail. Jess often, if not usually, does that. But it was really nice that I got to do it and that he wasn't around to witness the ugly blubbering of his pregnant wife. I read a note (which I always tear into straight away because it's SUCH a treat to me to get actual mail and not just bills or junk!!) and almost immediately tears were streaming down my cheeks. Soon after the tears came sobs that totally surprised me and alarmed Ria. The note itself was definitely enough to get me crying, but I do think that the sobbing was pregnancy induced. I have, actually, gotten MUCH better at being a bit more reserved in my shows of emotion (especially the ones that make people uncomfortable). If you've known me for a while, you KNOW what I'm talking about! ;)
Okay, so what got me sobbing uncontrollably? Well, a little back-story is rather necessary here... I know I mentioned in a prior post that we've been having a much more difficult time with finances since Jess isn't working the part-time gig anymore. We're actually doing so poorly that we are receiving food assistance from Church. If it weren't for the help we are receiving from them we wouldn't have fresh milk, fresh fruits & veggies, or any real meat AND we would MUCH more quickly be tearing into and eating up our food storage. That's what it's for, of course. And I'm SO very thankful for the blessing of the anxiety Father bestowed upon me to gather together food stuffs because it enables us to ask for far less from our Church than we would otherwise need to ask. Needless to say, probably, we have little money for anything beyond our bills. We're eeking by with gas and asking for rides as much as possible.
I'm working doing the ChaCha thing and trying to get other things going to make money. I'll receive my first paycheck, since quitting the teaching thing a few years back, in the next few days. That money is set aside for gas for the van and Dance class for Ria. The latter may seem odd, or even frivolous to some, but it is SUPER important to me for MANY reasons, but I'm going to share the main two reasons. #1 reason dance class is so important to me that I'm willing and DO sacrifice in many other areas personally and as a family: Ria is and will continue to be homeschooled. We don't have tons of opportunities for her to spend time with other children her age. We often cannot drive out to playgroup activities with the Mom's groups in the area and/or to other friends' from church.
#2 reason: I know that dance as an activity will cultivate in my daughter many desirable attributes and characteristics that would be difficult to help her attain without it. For instance, and as only one example, Ria LOVED being on stage! Would we have discovered this about her without dance and her opportunity to participate in the recital at such a young age?? I don't know... but I really REALLY don't think so! Attached to that attribute (her enjoyment of the "bright lights and applause") is the feeling I have that as long as she can look forward to recitals she will, in some way, retain her enjoyment of being in front of people in that way. I LONG for my children to be comfortable in front of groups where I totally was not and had to and STILL have to REALLY stretch to put myself "out" there.
I could go on and on about why dance class is super important as a part of Ria's home education, but I won't. Basically, because the van sucks up tons of gas, that and the dance class will eat up my meager earnings from ChaCha, so I was trying to come up with more ways I could earn money to pay for our midwife. (Thus the blogging for money and searching for writing work.)
The whole issue was causing me great anxiety, which I was using to feed my work on the ChaCha thing and search for more work. I can't illustrate completely the amount of time I've sat on my butt in front of this computer lately. I wonder if I'm going to develop bedsores! No, not really... I DO still walk almost daily. But my butt REALLY does hurt by the time I go to bed around 2 or 3am (I do most of the consistent work I'm able to get done between around 9pm and 2am or later). In addition to the seriously late nights, I also do the ChaCha thing when the girls are watching their after-Ria's-reading-class-movie. If they happen to take a nap together, I work. If they are playing nicely together, I work. It's been stressful and I've felt like SUCH a bad Mama because I've spent so little time with my kiddos and so much time saying, "Ok, I'll be there in a minute." :( I know I'm not a bad Mama, but the feeling is still there. Ya know? Anyway... the point?
Well, yesterday we received in the mail, which I was so lucky to have to pick up!, a very sweet note from an anonymous benefactor. In the communication their love was extended and they expressed their desire to assist us in paying for our midwife. They'd heard we were in a difficult situation and didn't know how we'd get the money to finish payments (due at 36 weeks gestation, which is speedily approaching!). They'd been pondering for a while how they should use the "free" money from the government, which they'd recently received. When they realized our situation, they explained, they felt their answer was in that information. So, they sent the money on to us... and as of the next time we see our midwife, we will be: PAID IN FULL!!!! Can you believe it? Isn't that amazing and wonderful and... a MIRACLE!?!?!!?
If that's not the most awesome and amazing thing... let me add a bit more detail to help convince you. ;) The night before (Fri. night) I'd knelt in earnest prayer and tearfully shared my heart with Father. I truly feel that we really are doing the best we can and that I, personally, didn't feel that I could do any more than I was doing (by then I'd already added looking for additional writing work and such). I explained that and immediate I felt the complete peace and a sense of, "It's going to be all right," communicated to my mind. This feeling totally did NOT jive with my mental figuring, but I've had enough of miracles in my life (especially since just before and since our move here) to know that I should trust in the feeling rather than continue to try to figure it out. And then the special piece of mail happens the very next day!
Now, I know that the note and check were already in the mail when I said that prayer. But, you see, to me the miracles Father has bestowed upon me and my family are SO much in timing! For instance, someone may have been planning something for a while, but then they DO it for us right after I made a wished in my heart or prayed specifically about it. And, to me, that's still an enormous and amazing miracle!
We are tremendously blessed! I'm so grateful to those who have blessed our lives - in this moment I feel surging love for the benefactor who has acted as an Instrument in the Father's Hands in blessing us with the gift of decreased stress and anxiety over payment of our midwife by providing it for us! Thank you!!!!
As an ending note... I feel SO much less anxiety and so much MORE motivated by desire (rather than anxiety) to continue working ChaCha and to continue efforts to find additional (and hopefully significantly better paying) work to fill in the current gap in our finances. This is a wonderful and exciting feeling to/for me because in the past, when anxiety has been relieved (in situations similar, in any way, to what we're in now), I didn't feel the need or motivation to continue previous efforts. This time I feel inspired and just plain ol' motivated to keep going! That, too, is a HUGE blessing of this gift and I'm tremendously, heart-full-to-exploding grateful!!!! ^_^
Okay, so what got me sobbing uncontrollably? Well, a little back-story is rather necessary here... I know I mentioned in a prior post that we've been having a much more difficult time with finances since Jess isn't working the part-time gig anymore. We're actually doing so poorly that we are receiving food assistance from Church. If it weren't for the help we are receiving from them we wouldn't have fresh milk, fresh fruits & veggies, or any real meat AND we would MUCH more quickly be tearing into and eating up our food storage. That's what it's for, of course. And I'm SO very thankful for the blessing of the anxiety Father bestowed upon me to gather together food stuffs because it enables us to ask for far less from our Church than we would otherwise need to ask. Needless to say, probably, we have little money for anything beyond our bills. We're eeking by with gas and asking for rides as much as possible.
I'm working doing the ChaCha thing and trying to get other things going to make money. I'll receive my first paycheck, since quitting the teaching thing a few years back, in the next few days. That money is set aside for gas for the van and Dance class for Ria. The latter may seem odd, or even frivolous to some, but it is SUPER important to me for MANY reasons, but I'm going to share the main two reasons. #1 reason dance class is so important to me that I'm willing and DO sacrifice in many other areas personally and as a family: Ria is and will continue to be homeschooled. We don't have tons of opportunities for her to spend time with other children her age. We often cannot drive out to playgroup activities with the Mom's groups in the area and/or to other friends' from church.
#2 reason: I know that dance as an activity will cultivate in my daughter many desirable attributes and characteristics that would be difficult to help her attain without it. For instance, and as only one example, Ria LOVED being on stage! Would we have discovered this about her without dance and her opportunity to participate in the recital at such a young age?? I don't know... but I really REALLY don't think so! Attached to that attribute (her enjoyment of the "bright lights and applause") is the feeling I have that as long as she can look forward to recitals she will, in some way, retain her enjoyment of being in front of people in that way. I LONG for my children to be comfortable in front of groups where I totally was not and had to and STILL have to REALLY stretch to put myself "out" there.
I could go on and on about why dance class is super important as a part of Ria's home education, but I won't. Basically, because the van sucks up tons of gas, that and the dance class will eat up my meager earnings from ChaCha, so I was trying to come up with more ways I could earn money to pay for our midwife. (Thus the blogging for money and searching for writing work.)
The whole issue was causing me great anxiety, which I was using to feed my work on the ChaCha thing and search for more work. I can't illustrate completely the amount of time I've sat on my butt in front of this computer lately. I wonder if I'm going to develop bedsores! No, not really... I DO still walk almost daily. But my butt REALLY does hurt by the time I go to bed around 2 or 3am (I do most of the consistent work I'm able to get done between around 9pm and 2am or later). In addition to the seriously late nights, I also do the ChaCha thing when the girls are watching their after-Ria's-reading-class-movie. If they happen to take a nap together, I work. If they are playing nicely together, I work. It's been stressful and I've felt like SUCH a bad Mama because I've spent so little time with my kiddos and so much time saying, "Ok, I'll be there in a minute." :( I know I'm not a bad Mama, but the feeling is still there. Ya know? Anyway... the point?
Well, yesterday we received in the mail, which I was so lucky to have to pick up!, a very sweet note from an anonymous benefactor. In the communication their love was extended and they expressed their desire to assist us in paying for our midwife. They'd heard we were in a difficult situation and didn't know how we'd get the money to finish payments (due at 36 weeks gestation, which is speedily approaching!). They'd been pondering for a while how they should use the "free" money from the government, which they'd recently received. When they realized our situation, they explained, they felt their answer was in that information. So, they sent the money on to us... and as of the next time we see our midwife, we will be: PAID IN FULL!!!! Can you believe it? Isn't that amazing and wonderful and... a MIRACLE!?!?!!?
If that's not the most awesome and amazing thing... let me add a bit more detail to help convince you. ;) The night before (Fri. night) I'd knelt in earnest prayer and tearfully shared my heart with Father. I truly feel that we really are doing the best we can and that I, personally, didn't feel that I could do any more than I was doing (by then I'd already added looking for additional writing work and such). I explained that and immediate I felt the complete peace and a sense of, "It's going to be all right," communicated to my mind. This feeling totally did NOT jive with my mental figuring, but I've had enough of miracles in my life (especially since just before and since our move here) to know that I should trust in the feeling rather than continue to try to figure it out. And then the special piece of mail happens the very next day!
Now, I know that the note and check were already in the mail when I said that prayer. But, you see, to me the miracles Father has bestowed upon me and my family are SO much in timing! For instance, someone may have been planning something for a while, but then they DO it for us right after I made a wished in my heart or prayed specifically about it. And, to me, that's still an enormous and amazing miracle!
We are tremendously blessed! I'm so grateful to those who have blessed our lives - in this moment I feel surging love for the benefactor who has acted as an Instrument in the Father's Hands in blessing us with the gift of decreased stress and anxiety over payment of our midwife by providing it for us! Thank you!!!!
As an ending note... I feel SO much less anxiety and so much MORE motivated by desire (rather than anxiety) to continue working ChaCha and to continue efforts to find additional (and hopefully significantly better paying) work to fill in the current gap in our finances. This is a wonderful and exciting feeling to/for me because in the past, when anxiety has been relieved (in situations similar, in any way, to what we're in now), I didn't feel the need or motivation to continue previous efforts. This time I feel inspired and just plain ol' motivated to keep going! That, too, is a HUGE blessing of this gift and I'm tremendously, heart-full-to-exploding grateful!!!! ^_^
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Friday, May 2, 2008
Little Mamas
While I was eating my breakfast the girls were actively taking care of their babydolls this morning! It was so sweet to watch the way they interacted with the babies!
Ria was very calmly sitting. She nursed her baby and sat with it. She hummed a little and moved it around a bit. She was very calm and gentle, making sure the blanket was snuggly wrapped. She asked, every-so-often, if I thought she was a good Mama. OF COURSE!
Kat was something else entirely. She was very concerned that the (too small) blanket stay around her baby, so she brought it to me to fix a number of times. But for a while she sat in her little chair next to Ria under the front window and sort of investigated her babydoll. She worked hard to balance her babydoll across her lap so she could sit still while holding it and move its appendages. After it was balanced adequately, she put the little doll's foot (one by one) up to her hand, as if measuring them against her. Then she investigated her baby's hands, one at a time, and put them each against her own hand.
Now, I'm sure Ria did similar things when she was first pretending to be a Mama, but it's been a while. This is the first week that Kat has been actively spending time with her babydoll each day. Previously, she would play with a doll or stuffed animal (usually wearing them in a sling) for a little while one day and not play with it again for a week or more.
Oh, we also saw our midwife today. It was a nice visit. I was able to put a few items I've made up in her office. She was very pleased and impressed. I think she most liked the nursing mama... and was just thrilled to learn her gift would be something similar. (It's sort of traditional for families to give home-birth midwives a gift after the birth.) Karen listened AND heard the baby's heart today with a little buttonless trumpet looking thing. I canNOT remember the name of it. I'm sure, if you REALLY wanted to see what it looked like, you could find it by looking for a fetoscope (like a stethascope, but specifically made to listen for BABY heartbeats). We learned for the first time (how did I miss this??) that when trying to "hear" a baby's heartbeat with these devices you almost feel it as much as hear it! So... that's why the fetoscope has that funny headrest thingy!!! hahahaha ^_^
Ria was very calmly sitting. She nursed her baby and sat with it. She hummed a little and moved it around a bit. She was very calm and gentle, making sure the blanket was snuggly wrapped. She asked, every-so-often, if I thought she was a good Mama. OF COURSE!
Kat was something else entirely. She was very concerned that the (too small) blanket stay around her baby, so she brought it to me to fix a number of times. But for a while she sat in her little chair next to Ria under the front window and sort of investigated her babydoll. She worked hard to balance her babydoll across her lap so she could sit still while holding it and move its appendages. After it was balanced adequately, she put the little doll's foot (one by one) up to her hand, as if measuring them against her. Then she investigated her baby's hands, one at a time, and put them each against her own hand.
Now, I'm sure Ria did similar things when she was first pretending to be a Mama, but it's been a while. This is the first week that Kat has been actively spending time with her babydoll each day. Previously, she would play with a doll or stuffed animal (usually wearing them in a sling) for a little while one day and not play with it again for a week or more.
Oh, we also saw our midwife today. It was a nice visit. I was able to put a few items I've made up in her office. She was very pleased and impressed. I think she most liked the nursing mama... and was just thrilled to learn her gift would be something similar. (It's sort of traditional for families to give home-birth midwives a gift after the birth.) Karen listened AND heard the baby's heart today with a little buttonless trumpet looking thing. I canNOT remember the name of it. I'm sure, if you REALLY wanted to see what it looked like, you could find it by looking for a fetoscope (like a stethascope, but specifically made to listen for BABY heartbeats). We learned for the first time (how did I miss this??) that when trying to "hear" a baby's heartbeat with these devices you almost feel it as much as hear it! So... that's why the fetoscope has that funny headrest thingy!!! hahahaha ^_^
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