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First Mama.  Then Writer.  Though, of late, the latter has consumed a great deal of time as I work to get things in order to potentially be ...

Saturday, September 17, 2011

We Become What We Hate

Perhaps it's overgeneralizing.  Perhaps it is not true for everyone... but as a rule it seems to be a true principle: we become what we hate, despise, resent, etc.  If we have supercharges negative feelings toward or about something/someone, we either already are (perhaps to a much smaller degree) OR become what we dislike.  Do you see this truth in your life?  In observation?

I see it in me!

I used to hate things about some very close to me.  I used to hate the laziness I observed.  I hated that there was always time for TV or a movie (or multiple movies), but never time to spend actually BEing with others... or DOing the things that needed to be done.  The explanation for incomplete tasks: "I don't have time."  And, in a way, this explanation is always correct.  We do NOT have time for all the important things AND all the completely UNimportant things.  I could see, from my outside observer's POV, that the time  available was simply being spent in worthless/fruitless/selfish ways.

Just for the record, I am NOT talking about just one person right now.  I am thinking about a number of qualities in a number of different people I know really very well - as far as knowing others goes.  And aren't those the people I should be most Charitable toward?  And I don't mean the kind of charity the world refers to!  I mean Charity... The Pure Love of Christ, which pure Love includes unconditional forgiveness.  I have been commanded, in a personal commandment just to me, to forgive unconditionally, and I still struggle to obey with certain people (those closEST to me)!  :-(

The point?  I hated those quality characteristics.  And I am only beginning to realize the extent to which I hated myself... and/OR BECAME those things I hated.

It seems to me an inextricable sort of thing... like a black hole kind of deal.  The only power that can free us from the power of a black hole is the power of God.  For even though the scientists don't know this yet (haven't proven it through mathematical equations), even the darkness of a black hole must flee at the Light and Power of Our God, for He is Master of even those!

My Love still needs to grow.  My Charity must be dug deeper.  I know it.  Yet the me of today, compared to the me of 4... 5... 6 years ago... I'm ever more and more leaving behind the hater and becoming a true Lover.  And what LIGHT!  I mean, LIGHT in every sense of the word....  I feel brighter.  Not as in intelligence... though I do feel that as a result of other things... but brighter as in full of actual Light.  I feel ever more and more relieved of burdens as I forgive myself for being what I used to hate and forgive others for being less than I know they could be... isn't that what it boils down to?  We hate (feel extreme emotion to the negative) because we see in others what we don't like about ourselves... Or, see in others a way that we know they could be better than they are and we hate the bad of ourself or the shortcoming because we KNOW they could be SO much BETTER!

I have so much more to improve.  I totally know it.  But as I reflect on the distance I've come, I wonder: WHY did I ever sink so low as to hating???  How did I not KNOW that I was hurting me most of all??  Oh, I heard that.  But I just didn't KNOW!  I forgive me.  I hope YOU will forgive me!

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