So Very Pertinent Still Today

This article/talk http://www.lds.org/general-conference/print/1975/10/for-the-time-will-come-when-they-will-not-endure-sound-doctrine?lang=eng is so very pertinent today, yet it is a little bit older than me.  That's 36 years, yall!

I hope you'll take some time to read it and let me know what you think!

I Heard About a Couple Marches A Couple of Times Today...

I heard about them from a friend and then via a blog I sometimes read.  And I just feel compelled to write about it.  Mostly in answer to those Mormons who would support the D.C. March.  I mean, I could see supporting the one in SLC, but NOT the one in D.C.

So... here's what I have to say for anyone interested.  :)

Gay people certainly deserve to be loved by any and every one, just as all of us do.  This is not our reality because we live in a fallen world, of course.  But I believe they (as all of us) DO deserve love, acceptance, and agency.

As Christians, we Mormons and other Christians, we are commanded to love everyone.  Even those who practice a homosexual lifestyle!

I love them.  I accept that their life choice to practice homosexuality IS their choice and an expression of their agency.  I will not support (and we have been directed, I believe, of the Lord and our Leadership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints that we should not support) their efforts to have their union legally qualified, declared, and made marriage.  It is not.  It is a union that is NOT sanctioned by God.  There is no way to argue that it is if you believe in God, His Word, and modern-day revelation.

Whether anyone believes it or not, homosexuals ARE either born desiring those of their own gender OR come to know it during the period of sexual awakening in the tween or teen years.  This happens without any thought on the matter whatsoever by those individuals.  However, they use their agency to choose the Lord's Way or the way of the flesh.  This is the same struggle (though more intense, surely) that most humans have in various forms.  It is (surely among many difficulties they are here to overcome), a part of or the primary source of their "cross" to bear and their "natural man" to overcome.

If gay marriage is legalized across the board in our nation, one day the right of every worthy Mormon to worship in the Temple will be discontinued, at worst, and, at best, interrupted because it will be put in jeapardy by court proceedings originating within the homosexual community.  Someone will desire to be sealed to their same-sex partner and push their marriage on the LDS Church and try to push it in to the Temple for the Sealing Ordinance.

This would interrupt every Mormon's ability and legally protected right to worship as we desire and have been commanded of the Lord to do.  Thus, the reason we are directed that we must love our neighbor, but not necessarily encourage all his legal efforts toward having his or her union called the same (marriage) when it simply is not the same.

March for love, tolerance and agency (which, as I understand it was the purpose of the SLC March).  NOT for equal marriage “rights”  (as was the purpose of the D.C. march).  Oh, DANGEROUS Doctrine!

Testimony

I didn't get to go to church today because of illness among us.  So, instead of going up in front of my Ward Family, I'm going to bear/share my testimony here.  :)

I know God lives and loves me, and you, and everyone... and loves us all the same... for being just who we are.  I know that Heavenly Father is truly the Father of my Spirit, and your Spirit, and everyone here on earth who has a Spirit.  I know that He loves us simiarly to, just WAY more than, the way I love my children. 

When I was pregnant with Ria I didn't "feel" love for her... not really.  I was excited, nervous, even scared.  But I didn't FEEL love for her.  I didn't even know she was a she until she was born (we're funny like that... no checking on gender in utero, thank you! ^_^).  But as soon as she was born I knew I was in love forever!  You see, I was absolutely sure that I would be horribly dissappointed if I had a girl instead of the boy I thought I wanted; I would cry.  Well, I didn't cry a single tear after Ria was born.  Not a tear of disappointment, not a tear of joy... not a single tear.  But I did feel this amazing and full-to-the-top-and-bustin-over feeling of elation.  I found that the little person I'd been growing was a girl and I was full and overflowing with JOY!  Pure, unadulterated JOY and LOVE.  I knew that she was perfect and that I couldn't have loved a boy more than I loved who I had.  And that, my friends, is only a fraction of the way God loves us!  How AMAZING!!!  If you haven't had a child, I cannot convey to you how amazing and wonderful this is.  If you have... well, you know it!  :)  What a gift to be loved Perfectly MORE than THAT by our Father in Heaven, right!!?

And no matter what my Ria does... sure I get frustrated and feel disappointed and even angry at times (I'm imperfect!)... but no matter what she does (or Kat, or Tea, or Jimmy, or anyone else who may join our family)... no matter WHAT, I'm always going to love her/them!  How could I stop?  I love them just because!  I mean, as soon as they came forth out of my body I was in love!  And this amazing feeling has helped me understand the truth of the phrase in the Bible that says, "and we love him because he first loved us (though this is probably not a perfect quotation)."  My children love me because I first love them... so similar to God's Love for us... yet SO much less.  It's awesome, though, isn't it!??

So, I know that Heavenly Father is the literal Father of our Spirits.  I know a tiny fraction of how He loves me.  I do not yet comprehend, though, the magnitude of His sacrifice in allowing Jesus Christ to fulfill His purpose in the Atonement.  I cannot imagine having to leave my child (ANY of them) when they are in the most gruelingly painful part of their life....  But God did that for us.  He allowed and enabled Christ to fulfill the Atonement so that we may be One.  So that we may return to His presence to live for eternity.  What an awesome and amazing gift!  I can think it, but I cannot understand!  God so love us....

I'm grateful for the Atonement.  I have committed some doozies... I am a horrible sinner.  But Heavenly Father is always there for me... for us.  No matter what we do.  He loves us and is willing and ready to allow the Atonement to clean us of our stain.  What a tremendous gift and blessing!  I'm so grateful.  I'm SO grateful to KNOW it!!!!

Heavenly Father has restored the fullness of the Gospel of Christ on the earth today.  The Apostacy foretold by the Apostles in the Bible occurred.  The fulness of Christ's Gospel (including Priesthood authority) was removed from the earth.  Joseph Smith was the instrument through whom God the Father and our Savior Jesus Christ restored the fullness of the Gospel of Christ to the earth.  We are blessed to live in a day when we have the Bible so easily accessible; so readily available.  AND we have the Book of Mormon to confirm the truths in it... we are not reliant upon man's interpretation (which could go in SO many directions) of the Bible alone.  The Book of Mormon adds another witness to the truths taught us and available to us in the Bible.  What a gift!  It is true!  It testifies of Jesus Christ, born in Bethlahem to Mary.  Joseph acted as his mortal father, but God was and is the Father of His Spirit AND body!  God has said by the mouth of two or three witnesses He will establish His truth.  So, it makes perfect sense to me that He would use the words from prophets originating in two totally seperate peoples (but of the same house, originating from the same people of the Covenant) to verify what He would have us know.  And what a gift and blessing it is to see how totally true it is that He is the same and speaks the same truths regardless of WHERE the people are to whom He speaks!

I'm grateful for the knowledge I have been blessed with about Christ's Gospel.  I'm grateful for the Grace Father God has given me which enables me to do all that I do which is right.  I'm grateful to know the truth about the duality and Oneness of God the Father and Jesus Christ... and to know that the Holy Ghost is a part, yet not, of the God head.  I'm so grateful for the witness of the Holy Spirit that I have felt about all these truths and continue to feel about other aspects of truth associated with the Gospel of Christ as taught in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints!  I'm so grateful for God's Love.  I'm so grateful for the Atonement our Savior made for me... for you... for us!  I'm SO grateful!

I share this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Prophetess

I just wanted to share this post by an amazing blogger.  This particular post has impacted me deeply (over the last 4-5 months).  I hope you enjoy it.  It's all about a little prophetess.  :)

We Are One

Remember how I wrote about how I used to be Ruled by Hatred?  (Wow!  I just read it for the first time... pretty powerful... I think God was writing for me more than I was writing on that one!  ^_^)  And then followed that one up a little bit later with talking about how We Become What We Hate?  I just read that one for the first time since I wrote it and I got a little misty when I forgave myself... and I feel this filled up feeling cause I'm working on forgiving myself every day... cause I do something wrong (at least one thing!) every single day.  I know, I'm so imperfect!  *sigh*  BUT like one of my friend's pointed out, perhaps I should be glad because the imperfection guarantees me a spot here on this planet... sort of.  ;)

So... what's the point in bringing up those posts?  Well, they pointed to something that is true, but which I didn't go into explicitly in detail.  I feel like I have somewhere else, but I may simply have MEANT to do it and didn't get to it.  This has been a problem I'm trying to deal with lately.  My memory has been spotty again.  It's a struggle.  I'm so thankful, though, that Father God gives me little nudges... through Ria, or a friend on Facebook, to remind me of the more important things!  I'm SO grateful for His loving guidance!

Back to the point!  (See!!!  I totally get sidetracked SO easily lately!)

If I become what I hate in someone else... if I used to be a hater and have become a lover... then, more than likely, I'm more like you than either of us realize.  Either I was (so part of me is) or I am currently or will be at some point in the future like you.  I readily acknowledge that if you are striving to any degree to be Christ's, I am not as advanced as you... and, if you know me, you'll know I'm being completely sincere when I say: I'm sure I'm not as good as you at most things, anyway!  I just generally think most people I come into contact with know everything I know.  When they don't know some part of it, I almost always feel surprised... and happy that I can share something!  (I LOVE to teach and share and just feel a little useful... especially to those who are already friends, but ALSO to those who are yet to BE my friends!  ^_^)

So, my point in writing tonight is that I wanted to share something with you.  You probably TOTALLY already know about this thing, but I'm STILL so excited about it that I just want to share it ALL OVER!  So... I'm going to share it in a couple of ways.  First, by name.  Have you heard of the Mandlebrot Set?

If not, read on.  If you have scroll down until you see some REALLY big letters.  :)

The Mandlebrot Set is a mathematical equation which maps/diagrams pictorally the point/skin at which chaos and order meet.  I know... isn't that wiggy!??  Okay... so, my first question was (when I learned about this around a month or so ago... it's been so long, yet NO time at all!), "WHAT would such a pictoral representation look like!??"  But... before you know the picture, you must know what is in the picture and it's implications.

Now... if you aren't really ready for a paradigm shift today, please move along now.  If you're not ready to understand the simple yet profound statements made by Jesus Christ as recorded in the Bible (New Testament specifically) and The Book of Mormon... and simple yet profound statements made by others who understood Him... then please do NOT read further.  Because if you're any kind of smart (and I'm sure you are smarter than me), this is going to rock your world.

If you're ready to look at the world differently, then feel free to proceed.  :)

The picture of the MS (Mandlebrot Set) is interesting in itself.  It's pretty.  Neat.  Abstract.  But still cool.

But what you must know as you view it is that the large picture also has along it's outline various sizes of itself.  And each image of itself is perfect and complete in itself.  Each tiny dot of a knob on the picture is a whole MS... it repeats over and over and over....

There's more.... If you "zoom in" on the MS... onto any part of it... and you keep going far enough... you'll eventually find that you'll arrive at a point that looks exactly the same as the original you zoomed in on.  And you can/could do this on any part of the MS.  And you can do this over and over and over... and over again.

Oh... let me not forget one key bit of truth about this MS.  If you go in and change a part of the MS... no matter how small the change... the change you make will be reflected in the WHOLE MANDLEBROT SET!  You change one small thing on the original and the same thing changes in every part that is the same in every part of the whole....  Every little knobby will have the same change in/to it.  The WHOLE thing changes as a result of one change wrought in one spot on the basic MS.  Does this totally blow you're mind?  Are you in awe and amazed?  Do you get it?  If you get it... and you haven't heard this before... you should be rockin at least a little.  Your boat, my friend, is not the same one you entered... or, more acurately, it's the same one, it's just not what you've seen it to be before now!

So, Jesus Christ told us, "Judge not, lest ye be judged; for by what measure ye mete, it shall be measured unto you again."  Not a perfect quote, I know, but the truth is intact just the same.  This truth is in the MS.  ?Do you see it?  Do you understand??

He also said, "I am in the Father and the Father in me and the Father and I are one."  Do you see the MS proves this?  I truly believe that our Savior was saying this truth about Himself as a lesson for us to understand how this is truth for us also.  Awesome and amazing!!!  God is AWEsome!!!

Ghandi said, "Be the Change you want to see in the World."  This truth is very plainly revealed/pictured in the MS.  Do you see it??  Do you understand how?

Okay.... so, on to the picture.  :)

This one is nice.  It's quite colorful... perhaps too much so, but nice.

THIS one is more perspectives on the MS... in 4D.  Very neat and reveals even more ways the picture is within the picture and beyond!  :)

This last YouTube that I hope you'll watch is a bit tricky.  You'll have to pop on over to it and then skip ahead to the point on the time-line and make it read: 2:20:32 and you'll see a guy with a great curly mohawk.  Now, he's going to go through and share with you the things I've written.  I first learned them from him, actually.  It's valuable to read it and hear it because the brain sometimes takes up to 8 times of hearing/reading/learning something new to truly process it.

I'd like to ask you to avoid the rest of the movie if you are a Christian UNLESS you have the Gift of Discernment, the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and you are firm in your Faith.  I ask you to avoid the rest because there is MUCH truth therein, but also MUCH that is untrue.  And if you do not know how the Lord communicates with you, then you may be deceived by the whispers of the evil one's angels.  Also, the philosophies of men are intermingled with truths VERY liberally.  Only if you know God's Word (firm in your Faith) can you truly tell the difference between what the world/men would have you believe and what God has said is true.

So... HERE it is.  The MS picture I first learned of/by/from.

What does any/all of this have to do with the posts I referenced in the beginning?  Do you see it?  Do you understand?  We are one.  What I hate in you is only a revelation of that which I hate in myself.  What I love in you declares to the world what I value and cherish in you AND me.  What I accept in those around me reveals what I accept in me.  What I reject in you, I rejected first in me.  We are little knobbies on the amazingly huge Mandlebrot Set of God.  He is the division between Chaos and Order... He IS order.  Chaos is held at bay by Him.  We are in Him and He is in US!  Yet, though this is completely true, it does not reduce the fact and truth that BOTH God the Father and Jesus Christ have bodies of flesh and bone.  They do.

We are one.

WE are one.

We ARE one.

We are ONE!!!!

Praise God, we are one!

IF YOU HAVE ALREADY LEARNED ABOUT AND UNDERSTAND the Mandlebrot Set,
then you probably don't really need to read any of this post.  Go ahead and continue your reading/reseraching/surfing and know that I'm SO glad you already know and I hope you'll find some ways to share the info and hopefully bring on the 100th monkey!  ;)  ^_^

Signed Lovingly,
Your Sister in Christ,
Tori

P.S.
If you'd like to read a blog that could possibly help you make some changes... and which inspired me to write about how we are ONE... CHECK IT OUT!

A Cult Like Any Other

Some numerous persons I either KNOW or have heard of through experiences of those I know have heard that I (we LDS folks) are members of a Cult.  Well... to determine the truth or fallacy of such a supposition, one would have to first define CULT.

So, according to the Merriam-Webster Free Online Dictionary, I think I am.  WHAT???!!  Well, are you?  I mean, if you're a religious person... then, by this definition you are.  And I am.  And we are!  YEAY!!!

Moving right along.  (Yes, I am going to require you to do a little bit of "extra" reading if you want to understand what I'm saying and where I'm coming from.  I'm not doing the spoon-feeding.  IF you want to believe I'm just agreeing with your fallacious assumptions, so be it.  You'd probably find a way to twist what I have to say about my heart and mind to make it fit what you believe anyway.  While I'm sorry about that... for you... I can't really do anything to change YOU... I can only (and only want) to change me!)

Just as a note on the #4 from the above link, I'm thinking of orthodox being the majority of Christians....  We LDS do, indeed, have some beliefs that seperate us from the group because Joseph Smith, Jr. actually saw God the Father and our Savior Jesus Christ, he knows (and I know) that they are two individuals who are one in purpose.  This differs from "orthodox" Christianity because the majority adhere to the definition of God agreed on in the Nicene Creed.  About that Creed... I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father has give us the tremendous gift of Agency... but just because a bunch of us punny humans get together and agree on something... regardless of how inspired it is, if it's not God, it's not.  Seeing God with our Savior... that is something irrefutable.

Next, I've found a definition on Dictionary(.)com, which site I like and turn to often for definitions.  I'll address each one here (they are almost the same as those found in the previous... so I'm doing it once now).  #1: Yes.  We have that, do that.  #2: Yes, if you realize that Jesus Christ is that person/idea (if you don't think He's a person as I do).  #3: Christ is the object.  The one born in Bethlehem, of course.  #4: Um... yep.  Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.  #5: Yes, we do this too.  The Catholics do.  The Baptists do.  The Lutherans do.  The Seventh Day Adventists do.  The Muslims do.  The Jews do.  Do you get my point?

Moving right along.

I like this NEXT one.  Perjoratively... LOVE that word!  Sounds so... funky and cool.  ^_^  Anyone can use the word "cult" to mock us LDS, or demean, or attempt to mislead others about our beliefs, but such use doesn't change  the object/person of our devotion.  The members (like me) of The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints worship Jesus Christ, son of Mary and God (Joseph being his eathly father, but God being the Father of Christ's body).  We live to submit to His Will, the Will of the Father and the Son.  We live to return to their presence to live for eternity... This is our hope.

Yes, we "Mormons" are a minority in any given society (unless you narrow it down to localities and then "we" may be the majority in various parts of the West).

As far as the kind of 'cult' characterized (or opposed in anti-cult movements) by "brainwashing" and mind control or other agency removing efforts; we of the LDS Church and Faith are not a part of that group.  We know that angency in all its forms (the ways people choose to do good OR ill) are given of God and we would not remove it from anyone!

My Mom once said, many years ago, something like, "Oh, someone might think Jessie was brainwashed!"  I was too shocked to respond (which was usual for me at the time).  She paused for a moment, thought, and then said, "Well, I suppose that's not such a bad thing if his brain needed some cleaning!"  We do not attempt to exert control over anyone... though we DO encourage ALL to get to know God and then submit to His Will, which should anyone strive to do with their whole heart, might, mind, strength, and soul... such would result in those people who so strive to do similarly... to become ever more and more alike.  And this is the point.  To become one with Christ, even as He is one with God.  To be in Him as He is in our Father and the Father in Him; so then to be in God and God in us.  But this is all documented much more poetically in the Bible (and Book of Mormon), should anyone desire to read it and understand with spiritual eyes and ears.

Next and final... okay, so reading this page is good.  I'll direct you to where I begin to share about my religion based on this article's statements about "cults."  If you will scroll down to the fourth paragraph under the first bold title area of the article (within the article): Looking at the bold area of this paragraph I have to respond: ummm... this is all Christian denominations to one degree or another.  I mean, especially those denominations named the name of the man who originated the principles of the subgroup!

I like and prefer that next the Bible is invoked.  I definitely believe the part about defining Jesus differently than the Bible does.  Thankfully, you'll NOT find this problem with me and my religion since we believe the Bible to be the word of God so long as it is translated correctly (I read the KJV of the Bible).

Thankfully those of us of the LDS Faith do NOT do the second: proclaim salvation by workds.  We know, just as all Christians, that the good we do is by the Grace of God and that He, by Grace, overcomes the lack between that which we can do (carried in an by His Grace) over the chasm between what we can do in Him and what is required to live in His presence.  Praise the Lord for Grace and the Atonement!!!

Finally (of the three points) we of the LDS Faith believe in the Bible fully and strive to live the principles and precepts laid our for us all within it.  Deep doctrine in my church always aims us back to Christ and His doctrines.  We experience the testament of truth by the Holy Spirit of God.  I know the Bible to be the Word of God in the same way I know the Book of Mormon to be the Word of God to a disparate group of people who were once of the Jews in Jerusalem.  The Holy Spirit that witnesses the truth of these things to my mind and heart (and in my body at times) is the same that will witness these same truths to all other groups of Christians.  "By their works, ye shall know them."  I'm not perfect.  The other Mormons I know are not perfect, but we are trying to do good and to live as Christ would have us live.  If we are being led by the deceiver to do and live in this way, then he is a house divided against itself as Jesus described when He (Jesus) was said to be doing things by the power of the deceiver.  All good comes of God.  Nothing good comes of the devil.  Not one bit.

It's funny to me that the next paragraph describes the problem of religious extremism.  God said, Himself, in the Bible that He wanted us to be either hot or cold.  He will spit us out otherwise.    I'll not be spit out.  So, if someone declares I'm in a cult because I am Zealous for Christ, so be it.

I've already spoken about Agency and will move along to what comes next in the article.  So, my Church is directly, yet indirectly named within the article as a cult... *sigh*  You'll have to decide for yourself, obviously!  ^_^  One thing about how you make a decision... hopefully you already know how the Holy Spirit communicates Truth to you.  If you don't, then this is more difficult.  But if you DO know, then all you have to do is read the Bible, read the Book of Mormon, ponder on the Truths found validated from one (the Bible) in the other (the Book of Mormon) and then pray about it.  If you find, as I have, that the Holy Spirit witnesses TRUTH to you, too, then keep learning.  The deeper you go, the more full the hole in your heart that Jesus made just for Him to fill WILL be filled!  I know this to be true.  I've lived it.  I'm living it.  I will live it.

Some GREAT talks by some of oure church's leadership about the Book of Mormon and other truths:

The Power of Scripture
The Book of Mormon - A Book from God this is why I believe the Book of Mormon is necessary now
Personal Revelation and Testimony
You Matter to Him
A Witness
Teachings of Jesus  is this a different Jesus than the one you know??
The Priviledge of Prayer

If you liked these and would like to watch more of the General Conference from which I took these, click HERE.  ^_^   I'd love to know what you think after you watch the first two, especially.  :)

We Become What We Hate

Perhaps it's overgeneralizing.  Perhaps it is not true for everyone... but as a rule it seems to be a true principle: we become what we hate, despise, resent, etc.  If we have supercharges negative feelings toward or about something/someone, we either already are (perhaps to a much smaller degree) OR become what we dislike.  Do you see this truth in your life?  In observation?

I see it in me!

I used to hate things about some very close to me.  I used to hate the laziness I observed.  I hated that there was always time for TV or a movie (or multiple movies), but never time to spend actually BEing with others... or DOing the things that needed to be done.  The explanation for incomplete tasks: "I don't have time."  And, in a way, this explanation is always correct.  We do NOT have time for all the important things AND all the completely UNimportant things.  I could see, from my outside observer's POV, that the time  available was simply being spent in worthless/fruitless/selfish ways.

Just for the record, I am NOT talking about just one person right now.  I am thinking about a number of qualities in a number of different people I know really very well - as far as knowing others goes.  And aren't those the people I should be most Charitable toward?  And I don't mean the kind of charity the world refers to!  I mean Charity... The Pure Love of Christ, which pure Love includes unconditional forgiveness.  I have been commanded, in a personal commandment just to me, to forgive unconditionally, and I still struggle to obey with certain people (those closEST to me)!  :-(

The point?  I hated those quality characteristics.  And I am only beginning to realize the extent to which I hated myself... and/OR BECAME those things I hated.

It seems to me an inextricable sort of thing... like a black hole kind of deal.  The only power that can free us from the power of a black hole is the power of God.  For even though the scientists don't know this yet (haven't proven it through mathematical equations), even the darkness of a black hole must flee at the Light and Power of Our God, for He is Master of even those!

My Love still needs to grow.  My Charity must be dug deeper.  I know it.  Yet the me of today, compared to the me of 4... 5... 6 years ago... I'm ever more and more leaving behind the hater and becoming a true Lover.  And what LIGHT!  I mean, LIGHT in every sense of the word....  I feel brighter.  Not as in intelligence... though I do feel that as a result of other things... but brighter as in full of actual Light.  I feel ever more and more relieved of burdens as I forgive myself for being what I used to hate and forgive others for being less than I know they could be... isn't that what it boils down to?  We hate (feel extreme emotion to the negative) because we see in others what we don't like about ourselves... Or, see in others a way that we know they could be better than they are and we hate the bad of ourself or the shortcoming because we KNOW they could be SO much BETTER!

I have so much more to improve.  I totally know it.  But as I reflect on the distance I've come, I wonder: WHY did I ever sink so low as to hating???  How did I not KNOW that I was hurting me most of all??  Oh, I heard that.  But I just didn't KNOW!  I forgive me.  I hope YOU will forgive me!

Ruled By Hatred

I used to be, ya know.  I used to be ruled by hatred.  Did you know that?  Could you tell?  Try reading a post from 2008.  Could you tell that I was full of hatred?

Well, I reviewed some posts from back then and I couldn't find one that really revealed much of that part of my heart.  "In the quiet heart is hidden, sorrows that the eye can't see..."  That's a line from 'Because I Have Been Given Much,' which in our Hymnal is song 219 (because of copyright that song is not avaiable to listen to via the music portion of http://lds.org/).   It's a lovely song!  I think that was the first one we memorized in the beginning of doring devotionals last October.  I guess, even though I was significantly louder a person back then, I kept my hard heart deeply hidden and very quiet.

So, since it's not terribly visible or apparent... do you want to know what I hated?  To give myself some credit, I think I was already making SOME good progress in regard to this subject by 2008... but from my point of view now, I can see myself so much more clearly and I see how I was still strugling with hatred heavy in my heart.

Since this post is, initially, about being ruled by hatred, I'm gunna tell ya what I hated!  First of all, I hated just about everyone and anyone.  Not in an all-consuming rolling-boil sort of way... but in a simmering sort of way.  I was, in truth, waiting to take offense to just about everything.  In October of 2006 I listened to General Conference.  Along with anyone else who listened to that Conference, I heard a particular talk by Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twleve Apostles entitled: 'And Nothing Shall Offend Them' .  That talk began the process of a tremendous change of heart in me, of which I enjoy many fruits today.  I still have much progress to make, but I'm becoming a new woman and, in many ways, AM a new woman already.  I continue to try to change daily, of course.  I feel like the big changes in me... in my effort to be New, began as a result of this talk.  I feel it has truly played a pivotal role in my life.

Why did I hate everyone and anyone?  Well... because, at the bottom of all the reasons I could tell you #1 I didn't like me... I didn't LOVE me... in fact, I probably truly hated me!  #2 I was full of pride (an unwillingness to forgive pains inflicted by others is prideful).  My unwillingness to change and become as Christ is, is a clear indicator of the Pride I had.  Pride has many MANY guises!  It is the root of all evil, afterall.

Hatred, like all the other tools of the deceiver (fear, envy, pride, anger, etc), binds the one feeling the emotion he has inspired.  Initially the bonds are as flaxen cords.  But over time the flaxen cords, because there are so many, bind as surely as the heaviest chains.  They can become as a cocoon around a developing butterfly... but in this analogy, the bonds of the deceivers tools do not enable metamorphosis into something beautiful as a butterfly, but rather, starve the Soul and bring about eventual spiritual death of the kind that cannot be redeemed.

From within the binding (having been in hatred myself; and still struggling to cut some bonds of one of the evils I used to be consumed by, but still struggle with) it is nigh on impossible to see how to stop the cycle of what we're caught within.  "I'm caught, this is a closed cocoon!  There's no hope for me.  Why bother?"  These are thoughts I had and I felt the related feelings, too.  But I'm not caught in hatred anymore.  And if I can get out of the closed room (locked from outside), I guarantee you: Anyone Can!

How did I do it?  The short answer: I did it in and through Christ Jesus and His Redemption brought about by His Atonement which He has already completed for each of us who will believe on His name: have Faith in Him, confess/repent, and be baptized!

Yes... that IS actually the short answer!  ^_^

Want more details?  If I were you, I would.  Thus I share: I tried by praying for the ability to keep trying.  That's how I started.  And then I kept trying.  :)  I fell more times than I can count.  But I kept getting up and kept praying for support to change.

The greatest leaps forward came when I focused more on myself... not the selfish kind of way that the World declares is important... the, "I need ME time!" kind of way....  But, rather, the kind of focus on "me" that the Lord prescribes.  I spent time by myself (usually after everyone else was asleep) to be in prayer.  I was guided to record my prayers.  And I have to tell you, I LOVE those journals!!!!!  It has been absolutely a blessing to me and my life that I followed the promptings to write down impressions, images, and eventually words and sentences that I perceived the Lord whisper to my mind and heart.... I have great hope that all, but especially my prayer journals will bless the lives of my progeny.  God willing!

I've always told the Lord I love Him when I pray.  But one time, after I'd been praying with my journal - writing what I said and writing what was said back to me... I felt unable to continue after I told Father God that I loved Him.  And so, since I couldn't think of anything else to say, I waited in listening mode.  The response was FULL of pure LOVE!!!!  I realized, as I wrote down what the Lord would have me know about His Love for me that I'd never waited to hear what He had to say on this subject because I didn't think I was worthy of it.  I didn't want to know that He Loved me because I didn't love me and so I thought, "How could HE!??"  But that time I listened... and at the time that I listened, I was only in acceptance of myself.  I did not actually LOVE me.  I do now, though!!!  If He does, how can I NOT??  Am I greater than He?  Do I know more than He knows?  No.  Surely not.  So I must love me!!

The same realization has come about the rest of my fellow brothers and sisters on this planet.  HE Loves them the SAME way He loves me.  And what... do I know more than He?  Should I not love them as He Loves them?  If He loves me... and I KNOW me and how unworthy of His love I am... then I must MUST must Love others!!!  (and I feel this "must" in a joyous and rejoicing way!)

Another thing that has enabled me to come to peace and FEEL the Love of God for others (even those who hate me, hurt me, speak unkindly about me, etc) is the profound realization I experienced of the truths I've sung repeatedly throughout my life in 'I Am a Child of God'.  I had a sacred experience in which I saw the truth of this principle... this song... the truth of God's Love... and as a result I know the truth.  I know that I am a part of God, that you are, that we all are.  And if I profess to Love HIM, I must... I just MUST love me and you and everyone else, too!

So, in my weakness, the Lord has made me strong.  I was once ruled by hatred.  Now I am filled with Love.  I'm not perfect in this area (nor any area) yet, but I have Faith that I can become perfect in and through Christ Jesus.  I know that I will not be perfect in all things and in all ways so long as I reside in this tabernacle of clay... BUT I can become perfect in small (yet large) principles like this one.  I pray you may come to know and understand these things AND MORE!  I pray that you may be filled with the knowledge of how the Lord our Father God and His Son Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer Love YOU!  Amen.