Featured Post

I Am... Mama and Writer

First Mama.  Then Writer.  Though, of late, the latter has consumed a great deal of time as I work to get things in order to potentially be ...

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Sourdough Stuff From My Own Starter and My Nasty-Basty PRIDE

It's amazing.  I made some whole wheat sourdough bread yesterday.  And it is amazing.  I did start it a bit later than I should've.  I honestly didn't know how long it would take to complete the three rises and baking.  Well, I was up until about 2am finishing the baking of it.  "/ (sheepish smile)  I was also up at that time with contractions and listening to Jess once he came home from work - so it worked out just fine, really.  However, I started my next batch  (made with whole wheat sourdough starter and white flour - cause I'm experimenting) this morning.  So, if it takes a while, it'll be a while toDAY.  :)  Did I mention that the bread I turned out last night is amazing?  It. Is. Amazing!  ^_^

In the spirit of full disclosure, my first bites of said bread were a bit hard to swallow.  You see, this bread is SUCH a different flavor for me - very different from the sourdough from the grocery store.  But then morning, when I had it toasted with a fried egg on top (like I've been wanting for breakfast for the past few weeks), I thought I'd gone to taste-bud heaven!  Seriously!  It was phenomenal!!!!  Totally and completely good stuff.  And then I had my once piece of toast with butter and peach jam... also divine.  It was the plain buttered bread I had a hard time with.  And no wonder... my Mom raised me and my sibs on homemade wheat bread.  My homemade sourdough wheat bread is NOT my Mama's bread.  It looks like the same thing.  It's made similarly.  But it is something totally different, yet equally wonderful, as far as taste and enjoyment go... but it's way MORE wonderful as far as health benefits!

Also yesterday I made some carrot and pineapple muffins/cupcakes with some more of my whole wheat sourdough starter.  Talk about delish!  Yes, they are!  The girls each got to eat one for breakfast and were maddly in love - even Ria... who, in case I've neglected to mention it - has become the Gollihugh Family's food critic!  Frustrating: often, but when something is good she's ALL about it and it IS a pleasure when I hear words of praise about good concoctions from my hardest concoction critic!  ^_^  The recipe developer, Mike, also my sourdough starter and all else sourdough mentor (I've never met him, he's my mentor via his website), suggests that one should NOT leave off the frosting for these cupcakes - a butter, sugar, and cream cheese concoction.  While I'm sure the muffins/cupcakes would be wonderful with the frosting, they are delightful with nothing on top at all!  Yum!  And Ria says so, too.  ^_^

Oh, I think I'm in love with sourdough!

So... how all this energy for kitchen creating yesterday - carrying over into today?  Well... a dear friend and Sister from my Ward (church group) came over unannounced and cleaned my kitchen... and played with/worked with (for homeschool) my children... and listened to me talk a little (talk, as in adult speak).  It was very nice... and she was wonderful.  As a result, perhaps in large part inspired by a clean kitchen to make messy (cause it's HARD for me to keep my kitchen clean) I finally set out to make the bread and muffins I'd collected recipes for (from Mike) and really been waiting (I told myself) for my sourdough starter to reach an age that the recipes would work with (over 1 week from start date and then some for acidity).  Well, that day came and went and I didn't attempt either recipe, so I must admit it was the messy kitchen that dissuaded me.  I'm sure of it.

You will, hopefully, be pleased to learn that I did clean up after my baking expedition of last night.  So, I awakened to an orderly and neat kitchen with no dishes in the sink.  Which of course, is a kitchen ripe for messying again!  ^_^

I encountered a bit of a big problem yesterday with all of the morning's events.  My pride.  It was all kinds of in my way through the morning while my friend was here, so I was unable to experience the full pleasure of having her in my home to help where I did need help... obviously...  My pride.  It is an issue.  I've known for a long time about this one, in particular.  But I really thought I'd worked it pretty much out of my psychic/mental/emotional self.  HA!  Well, Christmas proved me wrong.  And yesterday proved me wrong.

"Why do I need help!?  What's wrong with me?  I should be able to handle my stuff like all the other women around me do!  Why can't I manage my own home so that my kitchen remains clutter free and clean dishes put away in cupboards?  Why can't I be the woman I need to be?"  All of these, and more, were thoughts that roared in my heart and mind while my dear friend served me with Christ-like Love.  I did not feel any judgement from her.  I felt only love and a desire to help.  A pure desire to ease my burden and lighten my load.  And WHAT a gift to feel emenating from her SUCH Love!  The judgement was all mine.  ...  Or not.  But it was certainly easy for me to accept the whispers of the deceiver's angels as my own thoughts.  And I'm weak.  Yes, I know.  But these sorts of thoughts were just par for my every day course not too long ago!  It's only been in and through Christ (and relatively recently, at that) - and coming to understand a LITTLE bit how He sees me and Loves me that I've been able to have a renewed mind and let go and push away those horrible whispers that the deceiver would have me believe fully and accept as my own thoughts and feelings.

My Father and His Son sent me an angel yesterday.  And she worked in my home and left it lighter and brighter and fresher and cleaner!  And, when I was able to push myself out of my own way... I was lighter and brighter and fresher and full of energy as a result of her spreading her love across my house... especially the kitchen... and through my family and into my heart and blessing me and my husband!  ^_^  Oh, we are SO very blessed!!!  Jessie prayed a few times yesterday, in thanksgiving of the sweet service with which my friend blessed our lives.

So, my pride.  It's an issue.  It's been an issue for me basically all my life.  But it's also a choice.  And even though I didn't choose the right very FIRST step... I did make a course correction.  As a result of the course correction and changing from wrong thinking (listening?) to right thinking (hearing?), I am able to enjoy the fruit of the gift of service my friend bestowed upon me and mine: LOVE!  I've been learning, basically since I've come back to the straight and narrow path, how MUCH a gift and blessing service is.  Line upon line, of course.  I learned a few years ago that when someone does a service for someone else, the bonding hormone oxytocin is released in both the server and the served (the Love hormone and bonding hormone of breastfeeding is not just about feeding the literal physical baby!!)!  Additionally, when someone else sees or hears about said service, the same hormone is released in THEM!  And so it goes.  And God is GREAT!  He loves us SO much and wants us to feel Love as He Loves... and He is always in our service - no matter whether we recognize it or not.

I've had a few experiences in which I was served by obviously loving ladies who only wanted to help me and make my way easier.  I didn't (haven't yet) taken it well.  My pride always gets in the way.  But eventually I get out of my own way (this time much faster than in the past - YEAY... maybe I'm learning!!! ^_^) and am able to feel the result of service... and EVERY time I get out of my own way, I feel SUCH love for those who have helped me... and when, on the rare occasion, I'm able to do someone else some good... I get to experience the truth that Love grows for the person I'm able to serve when I give a good gift... I feel SUCH love for those I serve with a giving heart... and I yearn to give only good gifts to my Savior!  So I strive to always give only good gifts... watching my heart and how I'm feeling as I try to serve others.

My greatest difficulty in the area of giving the best gifts is with my own family.  :(  It's a sad thing, I know.  I'm pretty much always in their service... but my heart is NOT always right about it.  I resent the mundane work, all too often.  (Like dishes!)  I've pretty much overcome my distaste for laundry... and I even find pleasure in that mundane and repetative task.  I usually wash a load every day even if it's small just so I have that much less to do later....  It's a pleasure to have it caught up - or as nearly so as one can do with such ongoing tasks as that one is.  As a result of my changed heart about laundry, I know there is hope for me to come to Peace concerning dishes... and then move to pleasure in accomplishing and maintaining a straight, orderly, and clean kitchen.  And so, no matter how "good" I get, I ALWAYS have something more to work on!!!  YEAY!!  That means Father can't possibly take me terribly soon... cause I'm not nearly fit for His Kingdom!  ;)  What a sweet comfort is my trial and test.  ^_^

Pregnancy News
Still preggie!  One day "overdue," based on the calculations the way "man" does 'em.  But, I'm totally and compeltely GOOD with giving this baby the time it needs to come forth (for the first time ever ^_^).  You see, it's my tither's right, don'tcha know!!??  I pay my tithes, so I my "vine" will not drop it's "fruit" before it's time in the "field," says so in Malachi!  And what a gift of Peace to my heart and mind is this Spiritual understanding of my temporal experience!  ^_^  As I have reflected on my girls and how they compare to other babies (especially those born before 40 weeks gestation), my girls have ALWAYS been SO strong.  They lift their heads and hold 'em in a way most newborns I've observed just cannot.  They scoot in bed to nurse in the night when only hours and days old (seriously!).  No one every really believes me about that, but it's the honest to goodness truth.  And when a little older (a few weeks) Kat, especially, would scoot to me to nurse and then scoot to Jessie to cuddle.  This is NOT a toddler.  This is a newborn of only weeks outside the uterine environment!  So, I'll take whatever the Lord wants to give as far as this baby's birth date.

I did have loads of contractions Saturday night.  So many, in fact, that I didn't sleep much AT ALL.  I didn't go to church Sunday, as a result.  Rest assured I made that call with difficulty and under guidance from above.  I knew it would be so very hard for Ria, especially, to NOT get to go to church.  So, I knew I had to be able to tell her truly that Father wanted us to stay home.  And He did.  So we did.

Sunday night I had lots more contractions, but not so strong as to keep me awake every time I went to the bathroom (as had been the case Saturday night).  And last night I had a few, but totally fell alseep and slept really hard all through the hours of dark that I was able to sleep (only 1 bathroom waking!).  So, it seems for sure that my body is gearing up to the big event.

Wednesday I have a midwife appointment.  Definitely update'cha if there's anything to share.  :)

Till then,


Shauna said...

Tori, I can so relate to the kitchen and laundry issue! I constantly feel like I am not being a "good wife/mother" because of this. Such a daily struggle! Why can other women have a perfect house but I can't? I know there are so many other things to focus on though so I guess we just do the best we can, huh?

Tori said...

YES! Shauna, I think we just have to do our best and then forgive ourselve the rest. Of course, I think, that's really the hardest part... forgiving what we feel we lack. :)

And, honestly, as long as we ARE doing our best... that IS enough. It's only the deceiver who would have us believe otherwise!

copyright notice

© 2008-2016 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved