Some of What I've Been Thinking Lately (THE MANDLEBROT SET)

Namaste

I've had a lot on my mind lately.  I desire to share all of it, but will not.  I'm a slow learner when it comes to trust.  But I think I am finally beginning to understand some of the lessons I have been stuck in for these many years since I've been truly Converted to the Restored Gospel of Christ (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints).  I'm sure there are others who must learn the lesson of trusting more... but mine has been to trust much more sparingly.

You see, "...the natural (wo)man is an enemy to God and has been since the fall of Adam..." (Mosiah 3:19).  (I added the "wo," of course, to the man in the part of the verse I quoted.)  My nature is to share everything REALLY openly and talk about whatever is being talked about REALLY freely.  Some would say this is good, but you just don't know me if you say that... especially the me I used to be, which was WAY more OPEN than I have been for the last couple years.  But even so, there is yet closing I need to do, which I find quite amazing, challenging and even difficult.

The train of thought on which I have done a great deal of pondering lately, which I desire to share now, is about thought.  I'm pretty sure I've shared this video before.  Make sure you skip to 2:20:38 and watch through 2:27:10.  Only about 7 minutes to watch so that you may have your mind blown.... if you haven't seen it or heard of The Mandlebrot Set, that is.

This brings me to, more specifically, the central focus of my own personal lesson on thoughts that has been emphasized by the Holy Spirit really recently.  The following picture is a representation of Father God's lesson to me.  This lesson is taught innumerable times throughout the Bible, The Book of Mormon, General Conference talks, and etc.  This lesson is very important and I have not fully learned it because I have not successfully lived the lesson during the most difficult of times.  I sure am striving, though.  Fallin' flat on my face and getting up to try to make some forward progress.

2 Nephi 2:11 "For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things."

And here are a couple links to Conference Talks that mention and/or focus on this idea of feeding or starving certain trains of thought:

We Are Doing a Great Work and Cannot Come Down by President Deiter F. Uchtdorf

Preparation Brings Blessings by President Thomas S. Monson

Of myself, I would like to be so much more specific and tell you a few stories to illustrate the lesson in my life!  I feel specifically Led, however, that this lil' post is complete.  How difficult for me to end here.  Well, I hope you are lifted and feel encouraged and able to focus on feeding thoughts of Light, Good, and (most importantly) what God would for you!

Oh, and here's a blog post that struck a tremendous chord in me... her thoughts on thoughts are just what I needed the day I read 'em!  ^_^

Sat Nam.

Weirdness-ES

Blues
So, it seems the baby blues have subsided... I'm no longer crying between 6:30 and 9pm. YEAY!! That was really annoying and frustrating, but, in a way, sort of convenient, since it happened like clockwork, really. Weird!

Voting
I took a stand. I tried to make my "voice" heard in the vote... and still the liar has taken office. Oh, I'm so disappointed in my countrymen. For the first time... opposite Michelle Obama, I'm disappointed in my country!!! :( I feel rather fearful as well. Jess isn't so pessimistic. He figures "the man" will do SOMEthing good. I do hope so... but that hope is rather hollow. *sigh* The media certainly is fully behind this guy. Seems sort of... fitting, in a disturbing and WERID sort of way.

Dispositions
Tea is a smiler! She tends to be a bit of a night owl (at least her natural tendancy leans that way), BUT she's most smiley in the morning. Weird, right? My friend Erin visited on Sunday and Tea was smiling like nothing could stop her practically the whole time Erin held her! Of course, Tea had just awakened, so I think that was a lot of it... this baby REALLY smiles when she wakes up. Kind of fitting since her older sisters are both at their best (and happiest) in the morning. Neither Jess nor I prefer morning hours... we're much better/happier in the afternoon/evening than first thing. So, we don't know where our girls get it, but we certainly feel lucky. Unfortunately, for us, Kat TOTALLY takes after Mama in her BAD MOOD wake-ups from naps!!! Fortunatley, for us, she's slowly coming out of the need for daily naps. Happy for the day they're all but eradicated. ;)

Mental
This is my own personal weirdness. The thoughts have been really... odd. I've had this really strange, overwhelming, feeling of pointlessness. Like nothing really matters anyway. This seems to be a sort of cyclic thing in my brain... it's not a thought process I prefer and I certainly aim to depart from it as soon as I recognize it, but it's also a way of thinking that seems to settle in me periodically. It seems to happen most when I'm busiest doing things that feel like nothing... like after a baby joins our family and I'm busy sitting on my bum nursning a LOT! This time around I've been nursing "on the go" more than ever - specifically because of the weirdness of 'pointless-ness' thoughts.

Visitor
Our special Mimi visitor arrives sometime tomorrow!!!!! We're SO excited!! The girls are just generally excited. Jess is excited that he's going to get a bit of a break from his daughters' attentions (hahaha!!). I'm excited to see my Mom after more than a year!! Jess will probably start working a part-time job (possibly two of them) again while my Mom is here... so I'm glad to have her companionship to look forward to during this expected transition. I've done it before (the transition from having Jess around to him ALWAYS being gone at one job or another), and know it to be difficult for me... this time, with 3 girls and an anticipated VERY weirdly wonky schedule with the 3 jobs, I'm SUPER glad to look forward to having my Mom here!!!