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Saturday, June 25, 2016

Saturday Soliloquy 56: Pregnancy Series, The Second Miscarriage

 About 2 weeks before the miscarriage Jmy told me that I was going to die in 5 minutes.
A few days later, Jmy told me I would die soon.
I was shocked and hurt and scared.  My toddlers have a tendancy to be prophetic speakers of God's words that I can't seem to hear on my own.  So, I was super scared.
The spotting started about 10 days later.
I missed church on January 11, 2015 because I'd had spotting the night before and a good bit of pain.  No more spotting until the 14th.  The 15th was the main day of the miscarriage.  Jessie worked a job at a nursing home on the 14th and went in for the 15th.  Because it was a bad situation, we'd made arrangements for him to come home in the middle of that day if certain criteria were not met.  When we spoke on the phone, I learned that he would work all day.  I told him I was definitely having a miscarriage (he hasn't known anything about the pregnancy at all until the night of the 14th when I was pretty sure I was beginning to miscarry).
Josh and my Mom were in communication with me.  I'd asked for prayers via Facebook the day before and updated with information about the miscarriage to ask for more prayers.  As a result of communication with Josh, he suggested that maybe Jmy's words had been pertaining to the pregnancy loss.  Immediately it all fit together and I felt an immense peace and calm.  I was able to immediately understand that the baby had died about two weeks ago... so my body was sweeping out what could not grow.  I had been very worried that my body was pushing out a viable baby.  So the peace and comfort in my heart and mind was amazing.
I was still sad Jessie wouldn't be around to help me through, again.  When he told me he would be working and he asked if that was okay, or something... I told him I understood and ended the conversation.
He surprised me by coming home with flowers and a movie in hand.  The flowers were ALIVE flowers.  The movie was, in my opinion, more his kind of flick... but still.  He sure was trying to be loving and thoughtful!  It worked... and helped!
I'm so thankful he was home because I needed to have a funeral.  He dug the hole for me and didn't tease me or anything about it.  We did have the funeral and the peace and comfort in my heart, mind, and spirit enabled me to pass all of the big clots that first day.  I felt a moment, as I lay in bed, where I had the choice to hold on or let go.  I asked God to make me able to let go and heal quickly and I believe he sure did!
The process took only a week from start to finish.  I did have spotting a week after the end of the miscarriage, but it was only for one day.  I still felt very tender and gentle toward my body a few weeks after the miscarriage finished and was not ready to be intimate with my husband yet... both because I'm not ready to consider becoming preggie AND because I want to give my insides plenty of time to be fully well.
Interestingly, Jessie's isn't completely okay with this. I'm pretty sure I know why, but it didn't change my circumstances and feelings.  So, I honored my needs.
All in all, this miscarriage was much easier to process through and deal with.  I'm very grateful for that!
As a note, and not "official" miscarriage stories, but definitely miscarriages to me... Before I got preggie with our current newborn, I had two slips... one in each of the preceding months before I got preggie with our current youngest babe.
Slips, to me, are miscarriages that happen either right before or right after you get a positive on a pregnancy test.  The first month (April 2015) I didn't get a positive, but I knew I was preggie.  The blood came before it should have.  The second slip, in May 2015, I did get a positive on a pregnancy test.  The blood came late.
I ordered Progessence-Plus from Young Living and started it as soon as it arrived.  I feel certain that God Led me to that purchase because I got preggie AND kept the baby!

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