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I Am... Mama and Writer

First Mama.  Then Writer.  Though, of late, the latter has consumed a great deal of time as I work to get things in order to potentially be ...

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Because It Matters to Me

I wondered, when I experienced miscarriage last year, if the baby's estimated due date would be upsetting at all.

Since today is that day, and because it matters to me, I wanted to share how I feel.

I feel better.

I am super grateful to be pregnant on this date.  I think it would be a more difficult un-birth-day if I wasn't.  Truly.  If I wasn't preggie, I would only mourn and not be sure I would have the opportunity to look forward to holding a new little person.

Since lots of ladies I know have shared that they are glad to hold others' babies, but equally glad that they won't have to deal with one of their own, I can only imagine that I will feel similarly some day.  However, I am NOT there yet.  I ache to hold, nurse, and feel even more fatigue (assuming this new baby is like my girls) than I do now.  Obviously, I'm not done having babies!  And since I'm preggie, I don't have only mourning on my mind.

God's wisdom is far greater than my own!  At the time we conceived, I did not want to get preggie.  I was feeling overwhelmed by certain things going on and didn't think I could emotionally deal with a pregnancy only 3 months after pregnancy loss.  Well, in a way I was right... but in the longer-term, I was definitely wrong.  I'm so glad God is able to know the end from the beginning!!!

Given the above, I'm WAY better today than I was in the early months of pregnancy.  Being half-way through and not knowing when I'll get home is pretty interesting.  I want to clean my nest and cannot... so I'm trying to satisfy myself in my parents' nest.  ;)  I sure am glad God knows how this will all play out!

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