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I Am... Mama and Writer

First Mama.  Then Writer.  Though, of late, the latter has consumed a great deal of time as I work to get things in order to potentially be ...

Friday, September 10, 2010

The Same, but Progressing

I've begun to get a sense of the whole "one eternal round" thing that is one of the major phrases used to refer to our Lord. Life is a bit of that, isn't it? I mean, there are lots of minor differences, but mostly lots of similarities... hopefully with some progression stuck in here and there. *_* Yet another way the Lord has us in training to become like Him, seems to me! :)

The things that are the same are the majority.

The new things include, but are not limited to: my calling in my new Ward. I've been called to be the Compassionate Service Leader. I've always thought of the Compassionate Service Leader as a RS calling, and technically it is, but when Bishop set me apart he referred to me as the Ward's Compassionate Service Leader. So... interesting. I've been officially in the calling (with sustaining and setting apart done) for about 1.5 weeks. Apparently a mother of a member in my Ward seems to be on death's doorstep. It will be interesting to see what I'm asked to do after she passes. It could be a lot... or barely anything. Just depends on how much they want to turn over to me, it seems. There is no handbook for the Compassionate Service Leader. That's a tough thing for me because I'm big on following the rules and enjoy being able to see responsibilities I'm meant to fulfill and working to fulfill them. So, I kinda have to make up my own guidelines and such along the way and accept those give me by my Bishop and my RS Presidency. Should be interesting! :)

So far I've sent out a couple cards to Sisters I've felt could use the support/encouragement. The cards were homemade, which I hope makes it more special. I've made a couple calls. Not a big deal thus far. I'm super glad to have a calling again, though. I was feeling SUPER itchy... spiritually... cause I didn't have a VTing route or calling. Still don't have a route, but I know why, so that's all right.

New things for me/us also include a trip to LA on the horizon. I'm so blessed with a Mom who wants me to go with her to see her family there. So, if we Golly's pay out anything for the trip it will be really minimal. My only sorrow over the whole thing is that the girls and I will have to go without Jess... AGAIN. He'll stay home and continue to be overworked, underappreciated, and underpaid. :( I'm still hopeful that we'll ALL get to VA for Christmas! If Jess canNOT go this year, the girls and I will stay home. But if he CAN get vacation, which he's technically eligible for since he's already in his second year at The River Grille, then we'll all go! I hope and pray so!!!

Additionally, but not less importantly, of course, we are 14.5 weeks preggie. I've waited longer than ever to share the news this time because during the first two weeks after I found out (weeks 4 and 5), I had a good bit of spotting and have been worried about the viability of the pregnancy since then. Additionally, though less importantly, yet still a factor, one can never tell, after having two children, how people are going to react to the news about another addition. Why is this important to me at all? Well, I don't want to cast my pearls before swine (and my children - even in utero!- are DEFINITELY pearls of GREAT worth to me!). So, if I wonder if someone will be even a bit negative when learning that I'm preggie, I'd rather note tell them because I want to continue to enjoy the anticipation of meeting my new little person without the negativity of others - including those who have been deceived about the populations' sustainability and/or those who do not believe in God and/or understand His first great commandment and the fact that it is still en-force. So, I keep my joyful news to myself, for the most part. I have started to share the news with a few people who I believe will rejoice with me and/or who I like a lot and believe they will at least pretent joy at seeing my joy. :)

Brace yourself because this next bit may come as a surprise to you: At 11 weeks we actually had a 3 minute ultrasound (I KNOW!) so we could see if the baby's heart was beating. It was. The ultrasound was used because we could not get a heartbeat via the doppler and I'd had some horrible thoughts/feelings (especially the night before the appointment) that the baby was dead, but because I wanted the baby so very much, I was not allowing my body to release. Since we're out of the first tri-mester, I feel more confident that the baby will come along and be born healthy and whole at it's appointed time.

No, we will NOT find out what we're having until the baby arrives. (Due date: early March.) So, don't ask what we're having. We have thoroughly enjoyed finding out which gender baby we just made by looking between the legs at each previous birth thus far.... For me it provides extra motivation during the whole labor and pushing phase. With my history of LONG labors (and not just prodromal!), I need the incentive! ;) At this point, we're simply expecting another girl. If we get a boy... well, that'll be just fine. But we know we make 'em smart and pretty when we make 'em female, so we're totally fine, happy, and excited about that likelihood and eventuality. Based on personal revelation, I expect at least a few more girls who will arrive in our family over the next 8-10 years. So, if one comes along in March (hopefully on Ria's birthday... how FUN would that be!), then it'll be one of the few more we're expecting to welcome. ^_^ Ria wants a brother. I don't mind if she gets what she wants, but I'm rather leaning toward preferring a girl. THAT desire makes me think we'll have a boy simply because I rarely get what I want when I want it. I'm okay with that. Seriously.

If we have a girl, her name will be Evelyn. I've decided on middle names, too, but Jessie has not officially approved them. But we'll call her either Emi or Emm... depending on the middle name(s). I was sure it would be Emi at first, but now I REALLY hope for Emm (because of the middle names I want Jess to approve/like.

Let me tell you about our girl's name and our naming process in general. I've sort of chosen the names all our children. I have these specific ideas about the names I would like and why. I share them with Jess and he approves immediately if it's a go OR he'll say something like, "I don't know... we'll see...." if he doesn't like it. Well, I had suggested any number of girls names after Tea was born for the next girl to join our family. He said no, in his way, immediately to all of them. I was becoming frustrated because for each of the other girls (the ones we already have) Jess was immediately cool with the names I'd carefully considered and presented. Well, I thought really long and hard and finally suggested my sister's first name "Evelyn." Jessie IMMEDIATELY loved it and said YES. So, that's how our fourth daughter has become Evelyn. Now, he has, thus far, disapproved all middle names I have suggested. So, I'm REALLY hoping when I make the suggestion I have carefully considered for some time now, he will immediately jump on board. I have such a strong feeling that Jessie is immediately on board with certain names because he has a sense of who that child is/will be and what his/her name should be. My husband can be a truly amazing and inspired Captain of our little family's ship!

Thus far, should we experience the surprise of a boy, his name will be John Matthew (Mark). Mark is not officially approved by Jess, but I'm hoping! We will call him Jim(m) either way. :) Both Jess and I have Dads whose names are John. Additionally, I have a brother John and a great Uncle John. Matthew is the name of my Uncle who is most like an Elder brother to me and Mark is the name of another Uncle who has been super good and loving to us. I also have a great Uncle Jim who has passed. So, we honor those who have loved us so very much and/or we who love... at least, that's one of the reasons we name our children after members of our family! :)

Progressing... I can see progression in me - especially through the difficult trials I have faced recently. It seems it is true that as we progress, the trials become more intense. Yet, even though that is true for me, my ability to cope and deal is far greater than when the trials were less and easier. The only explanation for this is the strength of the Lord, which I experience in far greater abundance as I apply myself to His Will and turn to Him in all things.

I've been learning in such personal ways the truth of "my yoke is easy, my burden is light" (a quote from the New Testament... I have been striving to make His Word a part of me and will, in the future, learn where I found His Word). I remember a lesson I heard when I was a youth. It was about yokes. Basically the yoke was described as a wooden long thing with two grooves (rises/dips) in it for oxen. The oxen were strapped/tied in and then both stepped in time to pull the load to which they were attached. Father has been showing me how I get in the way of the "machine" by raising my "shoulders" up to bare too much of the burden and/or stepping out too fast, which results in the same effect. Because I am a believer in Christ and His Atonement for everyone, Jesus is in the other yoke right there next to me. He is always in perfect accord with Father's Will, of course, so he will step forward in time with Father's Will. If I do not, I will bare too much of the load or cause the journey to stall (if I'm lagging). Not that the load/burden is not all mine anyway... cause it IS, but because I believe in Christ, I am able to rely on His strength, as I do things in His time, to bring to pass His eternal purposes. It's amazing stuff. And though I've KNOWN these things for basically my whole life, I have come to a deeper and greater understanding of them these last few months. My heart is learning the lessons poignantly!


Jenny said...

Congratulations on being pregnant! What great and exciting news!

The Farrell Family said...

Congrats!! Here's hoping for a boy so the ratio of boy:girl cousins isn't so imbalanced!

vicki said...

Ah,h,h....the announcement has been made. Our 12th grandchild can be announced now and I should anticipate a trip to Fla in March. OK.

Tori said...

Thank you for the congratulations. :) We are excited about the addition, but hope ONLY for a healthy happy little one. A boy? Really... at this point I feel pretty confident in my abilities with girls. Let's stick with what we know. ;) We'll take either. Of course. But I'm seriously hoping for a girl.

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