Sunday Slimdown: Shedding Weight Instead of Losing It

I'm a member of the writing team for One Roll At a Time.  I'm excited about this blessing at this time because I want encouragement in this part of my journey... shedding excess weight.  I'm tired of feeling alone in my efforts.  It's good to have company with whom to struggle along, don't you think so?

First things first... What is it with the phrase most folks use to talk about getting rid of fat.  They say, "Losing weight."  I'm not losing weight, my friends.  I'm working hard to get it out of my system and I am happy to get rid of it and pray I will be able to refrain from packing it back on.  When it finally does evacuate from my body/temple/system, I'm glad.  I don't feel upset or frustrated at all.  When I lose things I am unhappy.  So, when I refer to working toward a slender figure, I work hard to say, "Shedding excess weight."  Have you seen a snake or other skin-shedding beastie at their work of leaving behind their old outward parts?  It's rather difficult work to my understanding.  So, it seems super appropriate to use that particular phrase for my process.  Maybe, if enough of us use that phrase, we can bring about a shift in word use and thereby a slight change in the way the whole process is viewed and maybe even dealt with.  Yes, I know... highly unlikely to come about via my puny lil' blog.  However... YOU can talk about it and spread the word.  YOU can bring about this shift and change.  I'd love it if you tossed me a bone by referencing me here on We Keep Choosing Us, but you don't have to, for sure!

So, this past week was better than many recently!  I was actually able to get out and walk four mornings.  YEAY!  It would've been more, but my husband's schedule and activities cut in to my walking time.  ahwell.  I'm worried that I may be getting sick again... so we'll see about next week.  I'm okay with it either way.  I am, for the most part, making better food consumption choices, which is also going to enable me to shed the excess weight.

If you search #OneRollChallenge, you can see me as I am.  I'm going to do a side-by-side before and after for the month... I've posted my before.  MAN!  That was so difficult!  I didn't realize how truly horrible I look when comparing my figure to what is considered healthy and fit and slender and attractive.  I will admit that I still feel a bit sick about it... sick being a mixture of frustration with myself and disgust and... oh, so much STUFF!  Anyway... I encourage you to search that hashtag and join in on this month's series of challenges.  They are, really, quite simple.  I hope you will!

See you there!  :)  Oh... and tell me what you think about "shedding weight"!  :)

A Walker

No... I'm totally not old enough to need one of them YET. :) And if you know us, you know our babies don't go IN them... So, that's leaves: Tea to take her first steps.

AND she DID!!! It was exciting for all of us. She did it rather matter-of-factly... even sitting down and standing right back up. Of course, it was a total of about 4 steps (the walking part), but STILL! The whole squatting, standing, sitting, standing thing (she did that more than the number of steps!) seems to indicate to me that she's completely ready (I've been saying as much), but wanted to take her own sweet time. :)

Oh, guess WHO she walked to... Any guesses? I hope you'll share who you think she walked for in my comments. The person to whom she walked was cheering her on... Okay, ready for some release from this tremendously tingly temptation? ... Well, I'll let you know tomorrow! Hopefully. It's a busy day, after-all. ;)

^_^ heeheehee

My Best Yet, I Think

ChaChaING
Tonight I've been doing really great (speedy) searches. I've been blessed with mostly easy and fast searches. So, thus far, I've earned about $4.50 an hour! YEAY!!! I'm so so so happy about that. I'm trying to reach a pretty high payout for this month (on the 15th) because I'm worried about not being able to ChaCha as much after the baby arrives (who knows when).

Walking
I'm still walking. I should shout for joy, but I'm quite disappointed, actually, to report that I'm pretty sure my days of 60+ minute walks is done until the baby is here for more than week. My midwife wants me to have at least 2 weeks of quiet rest and I'm going to REALLY try to do that this time since I had such a rough time with my body after Kat and NOT being able to rest. Last week my longest walk was 50 minutes and that was pretty rough. Today I was out for 47 minutes and was totally pooped afterward. I AM grateful (immensely) that I'm still able to get around easily. I've heard from others that their 3rd child experience was excruciating by the end of the 3rd trimester.

NEWS!
SOOO excited!!! I'm just tickled so it's hard for me to think straight about this subject! Mary Kay is a SWEET newlywed chica who moved into my ward (AND my town) really recently. She's been very impressed with and by Ria. Well, Mary Kay is an accomplished pianist and completed her BA to teach Spanish AND she lives less than 3 blocks away from us! Well, I was wondering, as soon as I learned that she played piano, if she would teach a young child. (All of the teachers I've asked won't take a child under 5 or 7!)

Well, a few weeks ago I overheard Mary Kay talking to another Mama of a young child. The Mama was asking if Mary Kay would teach her daughter how to play. The response, "Does she know her letters to 'G'?" My heart LITERALLY leapt! I didn't talk to her that day, but I DID talk to her this Sunday just past. She actually told me that she was planning to ask me if I was interested in Ria taking piano because she thought Ria would benefit from it! ^_^ Isn't that just THE coolest??

In asking her if she would consider teaching Ria piano I also mentioned interest in having Ria learn Spanish, which Mary Kay seemed open to and willing to consider! As well as all that I conveyed the lack of ability to pay money, but suggested a service trade AND she was willing to consider it! ^_^ Isn't that JUST the coolest thing!?! I'm soo sooo sooooo excited!!! It's HUGE... even more than huge, it's an enormous and amazing blessing because the week before I overheard Mary Kay talking to the other Mama I was feeling REALLY blue about the limited possibilities of outside (of our homeschooling) classes for Ria. I have SUCH desires and plans for her "extra cirricular" education, but money is a HUGE hindrance. I'd sort of resigned myself to the idea that she'd probably only be able to do Dance for this year and hope that something would change for us financially and I'd be able to put her in more classes later or something. Well... it looks like Heavenly Father wants her to do more now or sooner than later! I'm sOOOo excited! You'd think all this was for ME! ^_^

Blessings Upon My Children
I was thinking about that sort of thing lately. Like, I remember wishing so much that I had a sister close to my age. I didn't. But Ria does! I remember wishing for Christmas to be like the one Jess and I had just this past Christmas. I swear my joy in having it for my children is FAR greater than I would've felt had I experienced my wish come true as a child! Anyway... there are just SO many things that I wished for as a kid that are just COMING for us with ours. And I'm glad! I would rather my children have them! If there's some way I could go back and sacrifice more as a kid so mine could have better, I totally TOTALLY would!

Moving along. :)

Dance Class
Ria starts dance class this week (Thursday, actually)! She is SO excited!!! I'm pretty happy, too, because she loves it so very well and much. She was sad not to get to go during the summer. I just wish Kat could start, too! :( She's going to be so sad when she can't be out there with Ria! She's already going around the house on her tippy toes, with her arms up, and trying to get her feet into first position! It's THE sweetest (bittersweet, in a way) thing to me!!!

Done Working for the Night
I just ended my ChaCha for the night/morning. My average went up to $4.60 per hour! YEAY!!! Wish me some fast searches tomorrow and maybe I can get up to $5! ^_^

Keep Keepin' On

No new news, really, which is why I haven't written. Last week was REALLY bad for my walks. I only did one of the regular duration. The others were totally lame and only amounted to about 20-30 minutes each day (2 other days than the regular walk). I'm back on track this week, though. Yesterday and today I did around my 60 minute goal. It was SUPER painful yesterday and only a tiny bit less so today. My hips started to MAJORLY act up again last week. MAN, what I would give for a chiropractor like the Wynkoops in Va Beach!!! ahwell... I'm trying to REALLY stick with my walking, especially in light of the hip pain because I'm certain it got worse at the end of the week as I didn't walk (my long walking time) for more and more days in a row! Definitely don't want to deal with that sort of thing during labor!!!

A new newlywed couple moved into Flagler Beach recently and we crossed paths when I was out on my walk yesterday. They ended up stopping by later (as we were getting home), bearing a turtle to show the girls. If you don't know my kids in person, you won't get the tickle of knowing how WEIRD they are around living things they've never been in touching distance of before. Mary Kay would ask them if they liked the turtle and they both pretty much said yes, but then when she would put it near them they would BOTH shrink away from it like it was a scarry monster or something. It was pretty funny. Tim and Mary Kay came in for a visit (thank GOODNESS I'd just swept the house earlier! ^_^) and Mary Kay asked Ria to read for her husband. Mary Kay is our chorister and she's been duly impressed with Ria's reading ability. :) A sure pleasure for Mama to have someone else mentioning my child's ability, I must say. And, really, since the secret was let out when Ria gave her talk in Primary other women have told people about it MUCH more than I ever have... except for here in my Blog. This is actually the only form of sharing my children's accomplishments that I actually DO. I figure their abilities will show themselves sooner or later. And if people ask me things I do, of course, share what they can do and how we've come to that. ^_^

Anyway... it was a wonderful visit! We had FHE after they left. Both girls really love FHE. You might not know it with Kat since she's wandering hither thither and yon during much of it. But she definitely learns a lot even though she's not sitting right there and attentive the way Ria does/is. They are DEFINITELY two different children! ^_^

I've been SUPER engaged with the "work" I'm doing. It IS actually work that I get paid for, but the pay is pretty piddly. However, given our situation at this time, I feel it's really necessary even though it takes my attention off the girls a LOT more than I would prefer. I'm also not crocheting like I really need to as a result. But such is life, I suppose. I'm working for ChaCha. Have you heard of it?

Well, if you check it out and want to be a part, I would LOVE it if you would use my email as your reference. secretsshallebb@hotmail.com If you do, you'll be part of my "team" and I'll be able to get 10% of whatever you answer. That doesn't make much sense if you don't know what it is... ChaCha is this new SMS answering service. It's pretty neat, I think. The pay is pretty bad, but every little bit adds up and I'm sure there are people without kids and no job who make pretty good money (since they have a lot more time to devote). Basically people submit questions via call, text, or computer to ChaCha. ChaCha routes the questions to Guides (like me) and the Guides answer them by searching the web (and sticking within some pretty specific rules/boundaries for those answers) and submitting the answer/info within 160 characters to the person who requested the info. Pretty neat stuff. I think it was introduced widely at the Sundance Film Festival. Anyway. I've been doing it for about a week (a little less, actually) and I'm up to just over $50 and I haven't yet worked tonight. My answer time is getting better, which will inevitably mean I can earn more as I answer more questions per minute and so forth. Check it out and tell me what you think. :)

I have pictures to upload, but my program (for the camera we have) is throwing fits, so I don't know when I'll get them. Hopefully in the near future.

Just Pluggin' Along

We've had a few time consuming activities as of late. They are pretty much inter-related and still very iffy, so I'm not going to go into the nitty gritty as yet. We are hopeful that something good could be in our near future (pertaining to Jessie's career and our finances). If you feel so inclined, say a prayer for us that things start looking up. It would be (will be!) greatly appreciated!

Ria and Kat spent the morning with Mary, Victoria, and Ms. Sage yesterday. It was SUCH a treat and such a sweet and generous service by my friend, Sage. She came all the way out here to pick them up and then brought them home AND bought them ice cream on the way! She wanted them to look forward to spending time with them again. Ice cream wasn't necessary for that, I'm QUITE sure! So sweet and amazingly thoughtful. Don't you think?

Walking
I've still been walking. 5 days per week, even! The belly is getting pretty huge, but for whatever reason I don't feel myself needing to waddle as yet. At least, I don't feel the need for waddle most of the time! Perhaps it is BECAUSE of all the walking I do for exercise. That would be cool, eh? This week, thus far, I've been able to walk for at least 60 minutes each day. I feel really terrific about that... very pleased with myself and GRATEFUL for the cooperative weather! Even on Wednesday, when I didn't go walking, there was this HUGE crazy thunderstorm from about 3pm until 5, or so. But right around 6:30pm, when I'm trying to depart my home, the weather was lovely for walking. I was just SO beat after the temple trip and Jess went in to work (at the last minute) so I felt it was better to calmly stay at home rather than get frustrated with the bickering babies! :)

Starting a Part-Time, ANY time, Gig
I'm not yet fully approved, but I'm through with all the preliminary stuff for this Gig that I can do from home, on the internet, as much, or as little as I want... WHENEVER I want! and earn some money. It's not a huge payment per service rendered, but my sister-in-law (Jessie's sis) has been doing it for a bit and purchased a Wii for her girls with her earnings. So, I figure it could help us put a dent in our debt OR increase our food storage purchasing power! And addition to the latter will be VERY valuable!!! ^_^ I'm leaning toward the food storage purchasing initially, but once I feel we're covered/safe there it would definitely go toward our debt issues. I'm hopeful!

I'll let you know how it goes. I will, of course, invite you to join my team (though I'm not exactly sure what "my team" is or means). And I'll hope that you're interested if it's as flexible and easy as it seems to be thus far. Oh, and no monetary output required at all. The initial investment is time spent in reading all the rules and completing the required (EASY) tests. For me, that "investment" hasn't been tiny because of my beautiful distractions ;) BUT totally worth it if I can make any sort of an addition to our finances on a regular basis. Ya know?

Potty Training
Kat is doing quite well. She's only had one accident today. Yesterday none (though she wasn't in training mode full-on because of the day's activities). The day before I think she had an accident or two. But considering all things, she is really progressing amazingly well in this endeavor!

Pretend
Ria is FULL of pretend worlds and plans. She's so fun and funny to watch because she's SO often putting bits and pieces of her Disney movies together in strange sequences in her pretend play with Kat. Ria loves to play with Mama and Daddy. The BEST thing about playing with her parents, I think, is getting to tell them what to do! I swear it's the only "safe" way she can command her elders and she seems to really LOVE it. I suppose that's pretty normal and understandable! I mean, most of the time she's got to do what she's asked rather than get to tell others what to do. Less frequently, but sometimes, I do see and hear her integrating things she's read into her pretend play. More often, though, the reading comes out in her information sharing/teaching. Can you imagine what a joy THAT is for me?? I LOVE IT!!!!

Health
Thankfully, right now, we are all well. My only complaints are the fatigue (mental and physical), heartburn, and discomfort (especially when trying to sleep), but given the circumstance (pregnancy), that's not much to complain about! Jess is tired because he's not sleeping well, either. I swear this is mostly because of me, but he blames it on other things. I still feel bad because I'm tossing and turning a LOT these days! I have noticed that when I sleep on the couch (because the position there supports my body very nicely!) he seems much more rested in the morning. ahwell... Jess has a lot more pregnancy symptoms this time around than he did when I was preggie with Kat. He had some sympathetic pregnancy stuff when I was preggie with Ria, but I think it's probably more this time than then, even. Pretty interesting, huh?

The Need For...

Pee
Kat has had a number of accidents in the last few days, but she's still progressing pretty quickly in her potty training. She actually does REALLY well at telling us she needs to use the potty when she's actually wearing a diaper. The trouble is, if she's in clothing she can take off, she pretty much does and then the diaper is off, too. After 3 accidents, she's in a diaper and a onsey-type outfit and then she tells me really well when she needs to pee. The pooh is pretty okay, though she did have an accident with that one the other day.

Oh, and she tried to strip at church today! UGH! I'm glad I was in nursery as a helper because she probably would have been able to otherwise. And the worst part was her timing... at the end when all the parents are picking up their little ones. It would have been really funny, but totally unacceptable to Mama.

Dress Up
I swear Ria NEEDS to dress up! I actually told her I would take her dress up clothes away if she put on another dress up dress one particular day that she wasn't being obedient about lots of things and I'd already told her not to wear the dress up things. Well, she put another dress up outfit on - so they were ALL taken away. She didn't have them for 4 or 5 days, but each day she was still dressed up! No, she didn't sneak the dress up clothes, THANKFULLY! However, her favorite derss up attire consisted of whatever she was given to wear (preferably a dress!) and then a baby blanket tied around her shoulders or under her arms and a hat of some sort (like her princess hat or Daddy's South Park hat). She even managed to find a necklace that was not confiscated and wore that a bunch. When asked about her attire, she explained that she was a princess or a mermaid or some such character which would, of course, need something to CREATE the image other than just her own clothing. :) Pretty funny... very sweet, to me!

READING
Books books everywhere. Seriously! Ria takes books on our walks, there are books in the van, when we borrowed the car she brought books in it the couple of times she actually rode in it. This morning Ria read most of one of the Cat in The Hat books on the way to church. It's amazing how much I heard that I don't remember reading (even though I've read the book about a zillion times) as I listened to her read.

Her fluency is really amazing! I'm super impressed and feel pretty confident in saying that, for the most part, her reading ability AND comprehension levels are solidly in the first grade level.

Today I was actually asked, by a sister in my Ward who I really like, about the book I've used to teach Ria. She heard about it from a lady in the community with whom I shared the title. The funny thing about THAT is that the lady, Shannon, actually told me she really wasn't interested because she was already using something that she really liked and was working for them. I shared anyway because I love speaking to other parents who are interested in taking an active role in their children's education at home and she subsequently checked it out and has been sharing it all over town! I've actually told some people about it and they told me they heard about it from her! Those people have no idea that it originated with me, but it's SUCH a pleasure to know that I'm spreading A good word and getting some active parenting going! ^_^ Isn't that awesome?

I was really excited to talk to the sister who asked about our reading book. She was pretty interested and we had a lovely conversation about teaching reading and reading comprehension! It's really WONDERFUL to teach! I miss it and wish for opportunities to actively teach people who are truly interested. I think I will someday return to educating others as a profession... but I'll have to get my doctorate first because I think I will not be okay with any level other than college (and high level at that). We'll see. Time will tell. Perhaps there is some way I can teach now, on a larger sort of scale, that I don't know about yet. :) Or, perhaps, I'm meant, in this season, to simply share what I can where there is interest. My difficulty with that lies in the problem I have with discerning between active interest and idle curiosity. Like another lady I really like at church asked me about why we don't do ultrasound and I explained a little and she commented and I explained more. Long story... long... she basically didn't want to hear the truth as I perceive it, she was just idly curious. Ya know? anyway... Another skill set to work on!

Clean
This trimester is often characterized by nesting. It is my natural tendency, I believe, to be in that phase (at least based on the last two). Unfortunately my last nesting phase was disturbed by the fact that I had to PACK not just organize, and plan, and clean the corners of my home with a toothbrush.... I fear the same may happen (or should be happening already) again. I haven't yet started packing, though I feel like I should have by now. How annoying!

I have, however, received yet more pressure from my husband about the order of the home. Keep in mind, after the last blow up we had about it I have kept the living room, dining room, kitchen, hallway, and even Ria's room practically spotless. No, SERIOUSLY! I have been in process in our bedroom and trying to get the energy and feel the motivation to focus on the laundry room (where most of our books are kept). So, what does Jess poke at me about (in a rather not so nice way)? The closet in our bedroom, the laundry room, Ria's toys in her room/closet, and the garage! :( I'm very frustrated, even now (two days later) about it. I tackled Ria's toys yesterday (with her) instead of doing school... which has been a regular occurrence here lately. Instead of school I'm cleaning... Instead of school I'm taking care of laundry. Instead of school I'm washing dishes and getting things cleared off counters.... It's getting absolutely ridiculous. I mean, I like having a clean home just like the next person, but for me the priority is getting the rest that this ridiculous belly requires and taking care of the girls ESPECIALLY the education I have planned for them.

The main problem, I believe, lies in the unrealistic picture of life that husbands often have of what occurs when they are absent. Additionally, there are the little things that they add to the daily burden... not putting one thing away... not taking care of another thing they are either responsible for or asked to do. It's just very frustrating to me because I am so VERY tired and he seems so completely unwilling to understand the issues I was raised with and how they impact our lives. And there was a time, not so distant, when he told me that he felt one thing we BOTH needed to work on was acceptance of one another. I took that TOTALLY seriously and have REALLY worked on that and I feel like he's said it for only my benefit. Like he's the freakin' goose, or something!

I mean, if I have to choose (WHICH I DO because otherwise I'm just going CRAZY!) I would rather NOT pass on the anger issues of my upbringing and try to help my children deal with clutter as adults than feel sorrow over their struggles with yelling, spanking, and feeling generally angry all the time as adults!! Since the big blow out about a month ago I have spanked, I have yelled, and I have been generally angry SO much more than I was when I was trying NOT to care about the house so much. I'm just frustrated!!! Complicated, I'm sure my my need for:

a WALK!
I haven't been able to go for a walk for the last two days. The weather was dreary and drippy both Friday AND Saturday, but yesterday my back was horribly painful after working on the toys. So, no walks! I feel like my body is falling apart as a result. It's probably also due to the back pain caused by yesterday... but I'm absolutely sure that the non-walking and less good movement of the past two days is totally NOT helping. On top of the body feeling CRUDDY, I also feel like I'm WAY less able to deal with the whining and fussing that inevitably comes from my girls at various times of the day. So, I DEFINITELY feel the need for a walk! I try to refrain on Sundays, but I think it's definitely a need and will benefit me AND my family if I take care of myself in this way. So, we're going for a short one in a little while.

DINNER TIME must run.

Trials as Blessings

As any Christian should know, we are supposed to be thankful for the joys and blessings of life AS WELL AS the trials and difficulties. One of the trials in life is to recognize the trials as blessings - at this has been a great difficulty for me! Well, since our move to our current home, I have actually come to see many of our trials and difficulties as blessings. My shortcoming (failure?) has been in the LONG time it takes me to recognize them as such. Translated, that means that whilst in the trial I'm all down and depressed and feeling like either Jess or the world is beating up on me/us. It can certainly seem like that, of course. And so I realize that I'm not a ridiculous person to have these feelings. But when I have been able to "see with spiritual eyes," as it were, and discern the gift in/of the trial I've felt disappointed in myself for not seeing with those clear eye while in the MIDST of those trials. Ya know?

I feel joyful and thankful during this, our current trial, because I can see the hand of The Lord at work in our lives even while IN the difficulty.

As a reminder, our car broke down and we sold it for $200. I'm not sure if I mentioned that the problem was that it was overheating. Jess thought he could remove the thermostat and it would be fine, but that particular car cannot operate without a thermostat. Anyway, it became a really troublesome situation and took two and a half days worth of Jessie's time off to deal with. Not only was the money spent really not available, per se, but Jessie's time away from the girls was SUPER expensive to me. In fact, the time he was not able to spend with them troubled me more than the monetary expense since we technically had the money as a result of that extra gov't money we received this year.

Anyway... all that info is really just to draw an interesting coinkydink for you later....

Last night the van broke down. Yeah, can you believe it? Poor Jess is feeling like the world is VERY heavy on his back right now. First the car, then his illness, the realization that our bills and growing disproportionate to our income (due to increased student loan payment), and now the van. :( I know I've mentioned before that he's been pretty stressed out lately. (We have, but I would say I'm definitely in the "eyes of the spirit" ability through all of it a bit more than ever before - so it's not weighing super heavy on me.) He just felt like the added burden of the problem with the van was unbearable.

The problem? It overheated... for the second time (and third time to get too hot - while I'm not TOO certain of the distinction, I know it is an important one). So, Jess came in from work last night REALLY dark. I mean, his whole countenance was just DARK. When he came in from parking the van he didn't speak to me, so I knew something was very wrong. He told me about the problem and I felt concern, but not really worried.

As it happens, I felt immediately that we could not spend anything to repair it via a shop (or really at all) because of our financial situation. And, honestly, I was thinking more in terms of finding rides for Jess to get to and from work and asking around for HELP. I had some specific ideas of help we could ask for, but not sure who or how to ask.

Jess went to bed and I sat up pondering upon the problem. I, basically always, feel that when something goes wrong it is a direct result of something I've done wrong. I've had this feeling as long as I can remember (way back in 6th grade I remember this feeling!). Anyway... I kept sitting there and trying to figure out ways I could fix things and sort of praying without formally praying. There came to me the very distinct impression as a voice in my mind, "It isn't about you this time." And I felt SO relieved and just better. But then I wondered what Jess had done wrong! (So typical of me, really.) He hadn't done anything wrong. Just in case you're wondering, but the answer to my wondering mind came as I read the next Chapter in my Book of Mormon. Alma 32 I won't go into the realization that came to me for numerous reasons, but if you know the chapter and my family, you may have a pretty good clue without it. :)

Anyway... the funny part about all of that (wondering and realization) is that I was sitting there prior to reading and thought, "How likely is it that the answer I need will be in the next chapter I would be reading anyway!?" And then, as I started to read I thought, "Well, it probably won't be here, so I'm going to skim through here until I feel some peace and feel some sort of understanding." All of that I thought while I was still in the first verse. Well, it didn't take long before I felt completely at peace and sure that the very chapter I was reading did, in fact, contain the answers and understanding I desperately sought.

And so, I began to be in the "seeing with spiritual eyes!"

I had pondered long about who I should call for help and how I could/should handle the situation. When it came time for my prayer before bed I brought my ideas to the Lord and mentioned that I thought I should call our Home Teacher and Relief Society President. The VERY specific response was, simply, "Call Joey." I asked again about calling our Relief Society Pres and weather I should call the compassionate service leader instead. The same response came very quietly, but almost sternly, "Just call Joey." So, I felt it was super clear that our Home Teacher should be the one and only call I needed to make. I went to bed feeling calm and relieved.

I don't know if I've mentioned how I tend to be a sort of "satellite dish" of people's feelings. But this ability/curse is especially strong with people I know well and love deeply. Well, Jess, obviously fits into that category.

I woke up with the girls this morning to give Jess a couple hours more to rest (he's usually up with the girls because I have had a VERY difficult time sleeping well at night). I called Joey almost first thing because he usually goes for a bike ride on Saturday mornings, so I figured I'd probably end up leaving him a message. He was actually home preparing to depart for the week! So, we talked and I shared the difficult situation in which we found ourselves. After all of it he asked how he could help. I told him I wasn't really sure, but that I hoped he might have a suggestion of something he might be able to do or someone to call - but that I felt I should just ask him for help. He told me that his brother-in-law was REALLY good with vehicles, so he would give him a call and let me know what he found out.

Jess woke up soon after and he was hyper stressed. I started to feel really worried, which I think goes back to the "satellite dish" issue more than my own personal feelings. He was just sure that we should take the van to a shop or some such suggestion. I was equally sure we just needed to just ask for help and told him I'd already talked to Joey. Jess felt that he really had to do SOMEthing, which I can totally understand and relate to. So, he went and made a call to our Elder's Quorum Pres and left a message there. Joey called back soon after and Jess talked to him and then got to work on trying to remove the thermostat (do you remember the car!? thus the funny coinkydink).

As far as I knew, Jess was working on trying to remove the thermostat when he came back to talk to me (I was lying down with the non-stop headache I've had for more than 2 weeks now AND, of course, fatigue). He seemed weird, but wasn't DARK anymore. The weirdest thing about the way he came back to talk to me was that he asked me to sit up in bed. This is a never-before-made sort of request, thus strange.

I sat up and he started to tell me a little story. He told me that Joey had just stopped by and given him the bag Jess now had and tole a story of his own. The story was one Joey shared with me right after it happened.

JOEY'S STORY
Basically, Joey has a full-time job and does side work for extra money. Well, about 9 months ago he did some of that side work on a Sunday, which he normally would not do. Subsequent to that he didn't receive ANY side work at all until this past week. Joey told Jess that he was sure he received the extra work this week so that he could help us!

Jess Weirdness
So then Jess hands me the bag. By this time my hubbie has already mentioned to me that the needed thermostat was in it, so handing me the bad felt rather weird. Next Jess tells me to open the bag and I felt this sort of creepy weirdness around him again. But I opened the plastic bad anyway. In the bad is the thermostat box and a receipt. On the back of the receipt Joey has written other possible parts that may need to be replaced in the repair job and their respective prices. That touched me because it was SUPER thoughtful and just a bit of "extra mile" sort of thing. Next Jess tells me to open the box. REALLY WEIRD weirdness from him. I did. In the box is a yellow piece of paper that says, "Thanks for being such good friends. Joey" And I started to get all teary eyed because here we are asking for help and HE is thanking US for being good friends! I look at Jess and he gives me this strange look like, 'anything else?' So I look in the little box again and there I see what looks like a 20$ bill. I get even more teary eyed and pull it out only to realize that it's a STACK of 20$ bills!!!! Obviously, if you know me, you know I was full on crying at this point. And NO, I'm not joking. I am TOTALLY 100% serious! $200 worth of 20s, as a matter-of-fact! Can you believe it?!?!! A crazy thing about that amount is that the most expensive replacement part listed on the back of the receipt was $209 and some change!

The really funny thing about this amazing gift is that just earlier this week I'd used one of my Dad's super corny jokes about money in talking with someone. The person with whom I was speaking had asked if there was some way she could help me and my family. I'd pulled out the, "Oh... no. Unless of course you have a stack of bills lying around that you don't need!" Yes, I know, it IS a totally lame joke and felt really REALLY silly for using it. But it's almost as if I couldn't stop myself! Seriously! Anyway... the fact that within the same week of saying such a ludicrous thing out loud and it happening is just beyond amazing, wonderful, and miraculous to me!!! We are so tremendously blessed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, to continue my theme of the HUGE blessing of seeing with spiritual eyes:

Jess was pretty sure he needed to purchase a specific tool because of the tight situation he has to work in while trying to remove and install the thermostat. I don't know the name of the tool, but it has a universal joint and Jessie's description of it made total sense and I could see in my mind why it would be necessary. So I was totally okay with that expenditure (of gift money!), but he would need to find someone to help him get the part. So, we talked about how to handle that. I'd spoken to one of my Visiting Teachers because I was trying to line up a ride for my family to get to church and she'd already volunteered to take Jess to work, so I figured she wouldn't mind taking him to the parts store instead. So, he called her. And instead of driving him there, she picked up some tools from her husband's big rig (in which he had the needed tool) and brought it to our house. It appears that there is still a part of the tool Jess might need, but it's very likely that he will be able to borrow it as well. (Let's hope, right?)

So one of my VTs offered Jess a ride, another person offered to bring Jess to AND from work all within a couple hours of each other. Thus far we have not had to accept either offer because, as it happens, Jess got a ride into work with a guy who just moved into our little town about a week ago. This guy "coincidentally" works the same schedule as Jess and lives a few blocks away! Can you believe it?? Yes, I AM serious. Can't you just see how Father has prepared the way for our current difficulty to be less difficult - even a blessing?? Boy, I can!!!

I feel such abiding gratitude and even joy in this situation because of the "spiritual seeing" I have been blessed with!!

I have to admit I don't often feel or see the blessing in the constant headaches I've had... or the fatigue, either, for that matter. But I'm making SOME progress, at least. :) hehehe

In Other News about Tori
OH!! I have wonderful news to share. I'm very pleased and perhaps a bit impressed even with this tidbit. ... Assuming I walk today, I will have made it through my FIRST week of walking 6 days out of 7!!!!! Also, because of how last week worked out with the weather, as of yesterday I had walked 8 days straight. Cool, right? I feel good about it because I'm really listening to my body. For instance, even though I walked 50 minutes yesterday, the pace was super slow because I had a muscle cramp in my right side almost the whole time (at varying degrees of pain). I haven't been able to maintain my 80 minute goal, but I still feel really good about my accomplishments (especially just getting OUT and DOING it!!!). ^_^

about Ria and Kitty Kat
Ria and Kat finally got to talk to their Mimi. They want to talk to her every day, though they often don't mention it specifically. They'll say "Mimi," or "Papa" and I'll know they want me to call. My Mom, though, works quite a lot currently, so it's rather pointless to call most of the time. Of course, I do call anyway after some of those unasked requests so that they can leave a message or something.

Anyway, the point is that they both were able to talk to her and BOY, did they talk! I think Ria was on the phone with Mimi for at least 30 minutes. Seriously!!! I left her to it, much of the time, but when I was working on the cookies I was making (specifically for Jessie's midnight cookie run) I was able to hear and observe a bit. It was HILARIOUS! Ria was full of all kinds of sighs and intakes of breath. I'm definitely going to have to pay attention to how I talk on the phone because I can't imagine who else she's mimicking! I mean, Jess is like a poker player almost 24/7! So, it wouldn't be him.... It was entertaining.

Kat was MUCH more vocal on the phone with Mimi than she's been previously on the phone, in general. The really interesting part about the conversation was that I could TOTALLY tell that Kat wanted to tell Mimi about her own hair. So, while Mimi was listening I asked Kat a couple questions and then conveyed the statement Kat desired to share, which was basically, "My hair is really long in front. It hangs into my eyes. I don't like it, so I push it out of my face." After I conveyed that message I asked Kat if that's what she wanted to tell Mimi and she was just tickled pink that I'd said the right thing! What a joy to be able to interpret correctly!!! ^_^

And to share something that I sort of take for granted, but realize I probably shouldn't... so I want to compliment my eldest daughter to you: Ria cleans her own room and has been really successfully doing this since just before her 4th birthday. The closet in which she keeps her toys is not super organized, but everything is put away. Her books are even stacked properly with her 3 different sets stacked together in groups. She's wonderful, don't you think?

I love my family!!!

Job Hunting and Crochet

Last night I did the bills in hopes that we would have enough money for Jess to do some more grocery shopping this morning. It didn't work out. What did happen was Tori getting even more stressed out about our finances. So, when Jess came out of the laundry room/computer room, I told him he wouldn't be going grocery shopping, but I did need him to go job hunting! So, he did that this morning. He feels good about his efforts. My preferences were not heeded, so that's a bit annoying, but I'm trying to be trusting and faithful, too... so, we'll see. :)

I think that the job hunting is going to be a major time sucker for Jess in the upcoming future. It feels like we need the change really soon because the bills are starting to not work out smoothly at all. I'm pretty bummed about that. I'm just so tired of having this particular trial repeat, over and over in our lives! *sigh* I do think it'll work out - eventually. Or, perhaps it's more accurate to say I HOPE they will.

My main preoccupation lately has been crocheting. The new baby's blanket is taking quite a lot longer than either of the previous two. I definitely attribute this to the fact that I'm using two colors, so there's just more to DOing it. It already looks quite cool and the actual depth of the blanket is only about 3 inches. :)

Oh, I "finally" learned that Evelyn, Chris, and Addie received the package I'd mailed. I was anxious to hear the parents' impressions. I actually only spoke to Evelyn, but she was very pleased. I'm really glad!! I was sort of nervous about it because the hat had an added bit to it... which I forgot to mention to Evelyn that she could really easily disassemble just that portion if she didn't prefer it. Well, either she'll learn that here or I'll eventually remember to tell her. :) She often tends toward less is more sort of fashion (and does it beautifully), so she might prefer NOT to have the little fringe I added to the hat to make it match the booties.

I still have yet to start my own new baby's jacket, hat, booties, and Tigger doll. I can hardly believe I'm 26 weeks preggie and I'm so far behind! My only really good excuse is that I've never had a calling AND been homeschooling like I am now with either other pregnancy. (of course) I really need to get to work on those items something serious! The Tigger, alone, will take a couple weeks (if I'm able to work on it regularly). ah well

We've had some SERIOUS rain this afternoon. I'm REALLY hoping that means it's going to be nice and clear around 6:30pm for my walk! I learned, from my midwife, that the walking helps my anus (when it's tender as it has been lately) because the exercise reduces my blood pressure. Neat, huh? Now, to do something about the constipation! ugh!!!

Poop and Other Current Events

POOP
Yes, this entry is about Number 2! Kitty Kat's in particular. :) In the past week, Kat has pooped 2 times on the potty! YIPPEE!!!! This is such wonderful news to us - especially as we have the arrival of the third baby approaching ever faster. It would be truly lovely to have only one child in diapers (as I did when Kat was born because Ria was using the potty day AND night before Kat was born).

I planned to use Infant Potty Training (also known by many other names) from the beginning with Kat, but the move when she was 3 weeks old, and the multitude of physical and emotional issues I had subsequent to the move caused me to change my priorities. I have had many days during which I've let Kat run around naked butt, but not NEARLY as many as Ria did respectively. Actually, by 20 months old, which is how old Kat is, Ria was already totally using the potty during the day by herself! Kat usually isn't interested in using the little toilet. She'll happily sit on the big toilet, but even though she grunts and pushes, prior to the two poops of this week, she rarely produced anything.

A huge difference between Ria and Kat's toddlerhood is that when we lived in VA, Ria and I didn't get out too much. Ria, Kat, and I go all over the place regularly! Before summer started, we had at least 4 outside obligations each week as well as any play time we spent out and about. IPT definitely isn't terribly conducive to an active lifestyle.

THE BIG CLASS
Jess has tonight and tomorrow night off from the Club. Tonight is just the night off and tomorrow night is a night he requested (otherwise he would probably be working 6 nights again). It's much easier to deal with his long work hours at the Club lately since his hours at the Cafe have been cut WAY back. However, this is not my point. My point is that Jess has been actively working hard to prepare for the class he's teaching our Ward tomorrow night! ^_^

He's VERY excited! He was asked, by the Elder's Quorum President, if he would be willing to teach a class on using food storage in meal preparation; specifically wheat bread. The members in our Ward know that we've lived off of our food storage a few times, so we have some real experience and perhaps a little expertise. :) Our Ward had a day at the Bishop's Storehouse a little over a week ago and they wanted to have this class soon after so people could learn techniques and make use of their stores.

Tonight he's been making bread. He's tried out a couple other recipes that he plans to present for tasting at the lesson. He's also going to make at least one more item that's a little bit more like the main course in a meal. All of this is just bits to taste, so we're not feeding the Ward or anything. He's so excited... I've mentioned that already, but it should be repeated at least a couple more times because he is! :) He's thought about it a LOT, he's planned the food to present/share, and he's worried about getting his thoughts down into an outline so the class will flow smoothly. He's even thought he might be able to do this sort of thing monthly - or, at least, after each Bishop's Storehouse trip. I really think he should be a Prof... perhaps he'll listen to me someday. ;) You know how guys can be!

When Will I Get To Be On Stage Again?
Ria asked me this today. She was very let down to hear it wouldn't be for a while. But she persevered and asked, "You mean, in 2 months?" When I told her it would be longer than that she asked, "Maybe in September?" I told her it would be a lot longer than that to which she suggested October. ^_^ I finally told her that she would have to wait until next May, which was almost a year away. She looked a little downcast. I told her it was really only about 11 months away and she seemed happier. She is very excited to return to dance class and enjoy the stage and adoration of the audience once more! I love it!!!

The girls and I watched Kung-Fu Panda online today. Ria was very impressed with the Kung-Fu moves performed by all of the characters and asked if she could learn how to do that! I'm happy about this because I plan to start our kids in Karate at 5 years old (assuming fund-age allows). I actually would have started Ria already if we had enough moolah for it! But I think it's even better that she now has some inclination toward that sort of education... so the wait, in this case, is definitely worth it. ^_^ I just wish we had a piano because she's stopped asked quite as much for music lessons. :( *sigh* Hopefully she'll still be excited about it when it is possible.

Cleaning, Walking, and Movies
I have really enjoyed the respite this summer has offered, thus far. Life has been slower since dance class and Play at the Park has ended. We still go to Story Time most weeks, but I've actually missed a few for various reasons.

Thus far I've almost got the house back up to par (the cleaning) - much to Jessie's relief and pleasure. However, if I didn't know him, I wouldn't really know that he was relieved and pleased (especially pleased). Such is life with a man who doesn't get the fact that he's married to a Words of Affirmation chick... no matter how much I tell him. I did spy The Five Love Languages on his bedside table, but I'm not sure if one of the girls put it there or if he did. ahwell What can I do more?

I'm still walking, though last week was down to 4 days. The main reason for the down by one day is the blood issue and not feeling well Saturday night (missed my 5th day by missing my Saturday night walk). I subsequently missed church on Sunday, so I really wasn't doin' so hot physcially. Tonight was a woosie walk (all by myself, since Jess is home for the night) because I started it with a headache. I'm trying not to push myself too much since the bleeding bit and all. It was a pleasant walk, for sure! I continue to feel really good about the walks - even if it's really REALLY difficult to start after 2 days off (Monday). I think, perhaps, I feel even better about those days than others because when I walk I overcome my natural tendency to quit when something is difficult or dull. YEAY me! ^_^

I've found an URL from which I can pretty easily watch movies. I don't even know where to begin, really, but I've been watching movies again. Mostly, I think, "family" is the best and safest genre. I started watching one movie that looked quite okay, it must have been rated 'R' because not 10 minutes in I saw something I did NOT want to see. So, I'm checkin' on the movies I watch outside of "family" a little more carefully now! I watched the newest Harry Potter last night. COOL movie. I mentioned the movie the girls and I watched today... I've seen the new Narnia movie. Also very cool. I should, perhaps, keep a list somewhere of the movies I'm watching... but I don't think I'll actually devote time to that. Sorry. I'm watchin, though. ^_^ Any suggestions?

Jumping Belly
Like jumping beans, ya know. This belly... rather: BABY!!! is moving all over and strongly! I've now been feeling REALLY strong movements for more than two weeks, with some of them so strong that I can see it on the outside. The outside visibility aspect of the baby moving is going on at least 1.5 weeks now! With Ria and Kat we didn't see this kind (or even feel this strong) of movement until sometime around 25-30 weeks. This baby started at about 22 weeks (earlier??) and now at 24 weeks (tomorrow) I see the baby kick once a day most days (usually more). And I certainly feel strong movements a lot more than that. With Kat and Ria Jess usually had to press into my belly pretty firmly to feel the movements I felt, but this baby won't move if you press hard. You have to just rest your hand on top and the baby kicks up to it!

Ria is the first in the family to feel the baby move! She felt him/her move for the first time today! Jess was sitting there and saw the movement, but didn't feel it when Ria did (he wasn't trying at the time). When he did move to try he pushed in, so the baby stopped showing off. When he laid his hand on my belly gently, a moment later, he felt the strong movements (rolling as well as kicking!) and commented on how the baby was "really moving around in there." Yeah, no need to tell me! I wake up with the kicks already! I can truly NOT imagine how this baby will feel at 36 weeks!!! I rather hope the space gets tight enough that baby won't want to try to stretch out. Fat chance? Well, a girl can hope, right! :) Kat missed this bit of action because she fell asleep in her eating table (it's really NOT a high chair, so I can't call it that!). She almost laid her head down to sleep, she was THAT tired! Poor Kitty!

Walks

I realized I haven't been sharing my accomplishments in walking. The greatest accomplishment thus far is that I have maintained my 5 days per week. I haven't completed 80 minutes per day on all of those days, but given what I've been dealing with (namely hip pain, increasingly painful braxton hicks when I walk for longer than 30 minutes - particularly when I haven't had enough water to drink, and a more difficult time holding my water - especially when I forget to discontinue the water consumption at least an hour before I walk) I still feel quite good about what I have been doing. I think one day in the last 2 weeks I walked for only about 30 minutes. The next shortest walk was 45 and then 60. Today was back up to 80... but I did have to relieve myself in the woods. I REALLY don't enjoy that, contrary to what Jess seems to think!

It seems people are becoming familiar with me in my little town. Today a sweet lady named Rose stopped us before we crossed the street to climb the bridge to chat. She told me that she's seen me walking for quite a while and really wanted to meet me and see what I had in my carriage. She thought it might be twins, but was pleasantly surprised by my two beauty queens. She was really kind to the girls and to me. We spent about 15 minutes chatting and she invited me to stop to use her bathroom any time I might need it. I actually just may since she lives just far enough south of me to be convenient when I do walk the two miles south. It's REALLY difficult to find a hidden spot to pee outside in that direction! Seriously! I REALLY do NOT like it!!! It seems that Rose has a daughter who I am very similar to. That's cool because that means there's a sort of reason for her to identify with me and like me without even knowing me. That's always nice.

I've had many others in my town make comments to me about this or that as I'm walking. It's really quite nice... in a way. I feel like folks in my town are sort of watching out for us. ^_^

I haven't weighed myself lately, but I continue to feel better and better. Jess actually commented the other day that I look thinner now than in the only picture we have of his Mom and Dad hanging in out livingroom. That made me feel really good because I wasn't feeling super huge at that time! ^_^ Of course, I want to feel totally comfy in my body, not just NOT super uge, so I'm certainly not finished with walking. And even when I reach a comfy point I still won't be done because I know how MUCH the walks really help regulate SO much more than losing weight!

I LOVE my walks!!!

Thoughts

Thursday night was nice. It was good to have Jess home. However, I didn't go on a walk at all, much less alone. The weather was iffy, but had he been at work, I would have totally gone. I guess I just wanted to be around my hubbie!

He made a great dinner. THAT was sooo nice. I miss his cooking almost as much as I miss HIM during the week!! ;)

For the last 5 weeks now I've been walking a minimum of 5 days a week and trying to make it 6. It seems that adding that one extra day just doesn't work. It certainly hasn't yet! The reason for not being able to walk the 6th day is not the same each week, but still it doesn't work out! So, I'm changing my goal. I'm sticking with walking 5 days each week, since that totally works (even if it is a bit difficult sometimes). But now I'm going to walk a minimum of 80 minutes. I figure that after walking 80 minutes each day I'll have accumulated more than the 60 I normally do as my minimum for EACH day! I've been walking 70+ minutes each day this week, so it only makes sense to raise the bar in a way that is tangible. ^_^ I'm excited to work toward this new goal.

Oh, I'm also still trying to walk the bridge 3 days each week and then do intervals on the other 2 days. The intervals are quite challenging, though, and I may alternate weeks. Like, one week do 3 interval days and 2 bridge days and vice versa. Definitely a worthy challenge since I want to strive for more challenging intervals. Right now I warm up for 5 minutes at an easy pace, *push it for 15 seconds, easy/moderate (depending on my energy level of the day) for 60 seconds*, and repeat between *s until I reach 30-40 minutes (also dependent upon energy level AND shin splint pain).

I'm excited to report that I'm beginning to feel a deep love of being a Mama. I think I've been an all right Mom for the last 5 years (counting Ria's gestation). But the whole role has been daunting and extremely overwhleming for me. (I realize both of those words have nearly the same meaning, but the feeling each conveys is just different enough that I felt I needed them both!) I think that these negative feelings have had a great deal to do with my responsibility issues... I feel responsibility keenly and it tends to overshadow enjoyment (in general, but it especially has in Motherhood).

I know I've mentioned Sage before. Well, I feel like she has really made a dramatic impact in my life and perceptions of things since I moved here, but especially since I've been lucky enough to get to know her. She is an AMAZING Mom! She loves being a Mom and cherishes ALL of her children without seeming overwhelmed by the responsibility of taking care of them.

When I was in the in-between ages (in between young and the full-on teens) I wasn't sure my Mom liked me very much. I could tell she liked AND loved her babies and I knew she LOVED me, but I didn't feel very well LIKED. I also don't remember my Mom being happy very often. My Mom is amazing and wonderful and she did a really great job raising 6 children. I remember once telling my Mom that I didn't want to have the frowny wrinkles that she had; that I wanted to be a happy Mom. Well, I haven't been.

The majority of my memories of my Mom and feelings surrounding all that I've just described come from when I was around 10/11/12 because the long-term stuff is pretty much shot full of GAPING holes. I want to specifically mention this fact because I'm sure there are lots of wonderful things and happy moments that I don't and cannot remember!

Anyway... I've seen myself doing what I remember... and not being pleased about it, but then feeling sort of hopeless about changing because I haven't known HOW to change... what to do... how to change my thinking... it was just very... ... ... .... Well, I don't know how to describe how I felt about myself and my inability to change, really. The point is that about 2 weeks ago Heavenly Father blessed me with a sort of blanket KNOWING gift of inspiration! I realized that to stop the way things were going between Ria and me and to become a "Happy Mom" I just had to DO IT. (Nike... and one of our past prophets!) Anyway... with the support of our Father in Heaven I haven't yelled at Ria since then. I've purposefully lowered my voice, even to a whisper, when I have felt frustrations about which I needed to speak to her. I've stopped before speaking so that I could let go of the annoyance before I said a word (HUGE for me!!!) and then spoken to her with no emotion in my words/reaction. I've been even MORE consistent than I was before (and I really felt this was a pretty strong attribute). Missing Story Time was a huge step for me as far as the whole "Say what you mean, mean what you say" thing goes. I've always known that saying and really abided by it pretty well, but when it came to library visits, I would not really follow through reliably because I was afraid of turning Ria off of books/reading/libaries. Well, I figured, last week, that our relationship and ability to relate was more important that all that! So, we missed Story Time because Ria's behavior was not fit for departure from our home.

My poor Ria hasn't known what to do with all this. I understand that when we strive to change the "Universe" revolts. Ria, as part of that universe, has definitely revolted. She has tested more and harder in the last 2 weeks than ever before in her life. She has thrown more "monkey-actin" temper tantrums than I care to remember. She has spent lots of time in her room for back-talking and other bits (and BIGs) of disobediences. And it seems like she's been a lot more of these things with her Daddy than normal as well! I think the reason for this last part is that she couldn't get a reaction from me, but he was still susceptible. He was still reacting the old way and that's the way she's become accustomed to, so it was comfy... so she pushed for it.

Last night I had a talk with Jess and Ria (seperately) about all this. I appologized to Ria for being the kind of Mama I used to be and told her I'm really REALLY trying to change and that Daddy is going to do the same now that I've talked to him about it. She will probably still push... she's a part of the universe. But, with the Lord's help, I think we're moving toward being a new kind of family. And I'm so very excited about it!!!

Tonight I was lying in bed (helpin Kat to fall asleep) and I just felt this overwhelming feeling of something that I can only define as "joy of motherhood." This is a feeling I've only rarely had before. But I'm sure, as we continue to grow and improve, I'm going to have this feeling LOTS more often BECAUSE I'm determined to LOVE being a Mama. And I'm also determined to be a mostly "happy Mom!"

I decided to share all of that because I hope that someone else might gain some hope from my experiences! Life can be so heavy sometimes... but if we can see someone else sort of bearing up under the weight, then it can help us to feel stronger too! At least, that's how I feel!! This is exactly why Sage is so precious to me... I see her bearing her load in a way that seems effortless (though I know she would disagree) and feel SO motivated and inspired by her. I hope I can grow up to be almost just like her! I can't be a return missionary like her, but perhaps I can emulate the other wonderful aspects that are SAGE! ^_^

Dance!

Today the girls and I watched an episode of DANCING WITH THE STARS. The girls LOVED it. I should have guessed they would be gah-gah over it, but I guess I wasn't really thinking. Had I thought about it, I might not have watched it with them because they were sort of wild with dancing like the show for at least 30 minutes after it was over.

I really should have remembered that Ria loved it when we watched it almost 2 years ago. That was around the time she fell in love with Ballet (she happened to see a full-on ballet on PBS and talked about it constantly after that). As a matter of fact, about a week after seeing THE ballet on PBS Ria's Grama Farrell, Mimi, gave her a pair of cute little pink high top tennis shoes. She immediately named them her "RinaRina" shoes! ^_^ Anyway, it was hilarious to watch my two little girly girls dancing around the house today. Kat was going for arabesques quite frequently (always holding on to something, of course), while Ria was busy working on trying to dance like the TV and getting her Tondous perfected. :) They are adorable!

Don't mistake me, though, they are fighting to help Daddy work on the car (literally!) and love to muck it up with the best of them! After they play on our lanai (back patio that is enclosed), they come in looking like they did some dust rolls. You know, the way cows and horses will roll in the dust to help protect them from the bugs? Anyway... they are covered from top to toe!

Today was the last day of official dance class for Ria. It was kinda sad. Next week is THE big week! We have stage rehersal on Tuesday, dress rehersal on Friday, and THE BIG EVENT on Saturday. We're very excited! ^_^

I planned to walk the bridge today, but didn't because I just felt REALLY sick to my tummy when I was heading out that way. It went away after I turned to go South... so I think I was getting a message NOT to go that way. Regardless, I walked 74 minutes today. Yesterday I did 40 minutes of intervals and completed my walk at 79 minutes! ^_^ I feel so good when I walk even just 5 minutes over 60. :)

Monday I went visiting teaching and both my companion and the sister we visited commented quite a lot about how nice I look and how much weight I've lost. I will reiterate my lovely news of yesterday: I've lost 2 pounds in the last two weeks. So, really, it's not a lot on the scale, but it's obviously showing up nicely on my bod. :) Yesterday a few of the ladies at Play in the Park commented on my appearance. And today a couple more in dance class made the same/similar comments. So, I'm feeling like the work is paying off visibly. That pleases me very greatly! It would be much more difficult to continue if there was no discernable change!

Losing

Have you ever lost something you never really had? Well, I guess, in truth, anything ANY of us lose (as far as things) fits in this category because it's all gifts on loan from our Heavenly Father! But... I mean, have you ever thought you would be able to get something, do something, or go somewhere and felt great joy over it; only to realize that it wouldn't happen? Doesn't feel good.

But then, sometimes I think, the looking forward to WHATEVER is the thing that sort of pulls us through a rough patch or gets us over a hurdle. I know this is true for me now. My family will not be making the trip to VA as we thought and planned for the end of June/July. We just don't have the ability to gather the funds for that as well as everything else in our lives that we HAVE to pay for and would like to pay for. Examples of HAVE to pay for include our midwife: $3200, gas for the trip (were we to make it): $800+, lost wages from making the trip (see prvious parenthesis): $460+, and a sort of non-monetary issue, but something really significant that was causing me lots of stress is that we would be using all of Jessie's regular vacation time. This last item on the list is particularly distressing because I have been planning for him to take 1-2 weeks off after the baby's birth for us to sort of bond as a family. We have NEVER before had that sort of opportunity and I really yearn for his help and that time together. When Ria was born, Jess was in school and only took a day off to help me through labor and delivery. He left the hospital that night to be able to make it to school the next day. When Kat was born he was working two jobs and we were preparing to move. We actually departed when she was exactly 3 weeks old. Jessie's presence at home after the birth becomes an even greater issue if I do end up having twins! (Always a possibility.) And of course, there are things we would like to afford that we just wouldn't be able to if we made the trip to VA. THOSE things I would be happy to sacrifice if we could reasonably make the trip without straining our budget too much.

On the positive side, since I'm trying to "Pollyanna-Up" in my life, we won't spend as much money since we're not going. (So obvious, but this has implications all over the place.) We'll have more money to spend on food storage, which I know I've mentioned has been a huge concern for me as of late. I'm pretty sure I will also be able to scrounge enough money together for the girls to take at least 1 month of swim classes, which is pretty important to me since we live on a barrier island! I will be able to start saving for next year's dance classes (TWO girls in dance... LOTS more money out each month!), we'll be able to completely pay off our midwife by week 36 (which is when we are supposed to complete payments) without cutting into food money or having to delay dance class or something like that, and we'll still be able to do little things together like eat out when we go to the temple.

We are starting a July 2009 trip to VA fund. Jess and I discussed that likelihood that even if some big changes occur (as he thinks they will) he will be able to take time off by then for a trip. So, we get 6 checks a month and we'll be saving something out of EACH one. We'll be in VA July 2009. Not sure of the dates, of course, but that's the month. :)

On to a much more exciting and positive form of losing. ;) So far the scale has moved down 2 pounds in the last two weeks! I'm so happy and excited. Tomorrow I see my midwife and I'm so excited to hear how happy for me she will be. I'm also curious what HER scale will say because it seems rather kind. ^_^ I'm so very pleased because I know from all my studies that 2 pounds per week is the best/safest weight loss (as opposed to more). So, give that I'm preggie, the 1 pound a week is really comfy for me. I feel it is very safe. Also, I measured myself last night. Comparing my measurements to the last time I did it (October 2007: SEVEN months ago) I have lost 8 inches overall, but gained one in my waist (which, of course, goes across the upper belly). Pretty great, right!!? Oh, and I lost the most, a WHOPPING 2 inches, across the lower belly, even WITH being preggie. I'm pleased and even more encouraged to continue my walking program. YEAY for me!!!

Jess starts his FIFTH week as a non-smoker tomorrow!!! He's doing quite well with this change and I'm so proud of him. He has only been snappish/nasty two times thus far. And one of those times I realized what was happening, so I pointed out to him what he was doing and he totally appologized almost right away. Jess has to leave a few minutes between things I tell him and his action. Pride. Doesn't please me, but I get it now, at least.

Oh, I just checked my mileage. I'm actually under 4 miles when I walk the bridge, but it's more than 3 by a little bit. I'm going to try to add a block to that walk and get to 4 miles to see what my timing is. I haven't checked to see what I'm walking when I do intervals, but I'm really curious about that. So, perhaps I'll check on it tomorrow since I have to take the van out again. Oh, we were out in the van for the Play in the Park we do (used to be Joy School). That was lovely, as always. My friend Heather came with her 3, Sage with her 2, and Oz came with her son. So we had a larger group than usual for a while. It was pretty great!

Starting to Look Preggie and COOKIES Revisited

I've mentioned the walking I'm doing. Well, it is visibly paying off, it seems! The numbers on the scale took a turn down this morning. YEAY! Prior to this, of course, they were just very steady at the same reading. Which, really, means that I was gaining baby weight and losing my own. Also, YEAY, but even though I've felt the difference, I also thought that perhaps it was wishful thinking because no one else noticed.

Well, yesterday and today I've received the lovely comment we all yearn to hear when working on improving our appearance from FAT to FIT. Both ladies basically said, "It looks like you're losing weight!" I almost think that the scale didn't move downward because I was doing just enough overeating before because I was afraid my midwife would not approve whole-heartedly (as both of my previous midwives seemed slightly worried that I didn't gain any weight until the last month) in me losing weight during pregnancy. But Karen truly understands the dynamic of fat pregnant girls. She is fabulous and COMPLETELY encourages me to work out and eat right and since I'm really heavy she understands that it's TOTALLY safe for the scale to move down as long as the uterus keeps expanding. Since I AM eating regularly and sometimes still overeating by a lot, I really don't have anything to worry about regarding the baby getting enough nutrients. So, I'm super excited.

Also, combined with the comment that it looked like I was losing weight, Sage mentioned that before I just looked like myself, but now it looks like I'm me and preggie. Which, interpreted, means to me that the preggie belly is differentiated from the general fatness of me. ^_^ heehee

I've been craving and eating homemade chocolate chip cookies (I've mentioned this, I know). I almost bought some Chips A'hoy at the grocery store, but standing there next to them I just felt this overwhelming "NO!" it just had to be homemade. So, believing that cravings really DO have an important role in nutrition (contrary to a lot of research, doctors, and scientists), I set out to make them myself. I also already went into this whole experience in THE COOKIE FIASCO entry.

Well, I have to revisit this issue because I think these cookies, recipe compliments of my best friend Heidi Monteith (whose blog you can skippy to and get the recipe should you want it) get better with time! They were better cool than they were warm (to me!) and they are better today than they were the day I made them (once again: my opinion). So, I think I've found a tie for my favorite homemade chocolate chip cookies!!!

I must admit that I've been sort of annoyed that my cravings went from citrus, to olives (both pretty healthy), to COOKIES!!! But... there may be hope because I've been feeling hankerins for spinach made by Jessie with this awesome seasoning (he brought home a LOAD of the seasoning for me!) and grapes. YEAY!!! Return of the healthy munchies. The cookies are actually starting to taste too sweet to me. Once again, YEAY!!! ^_^

So, the challenge is to continue my walking into the third tri-mester and beyond. This is definitely a challenge for me because I'm only now (32 freakin years old!) learning how important the whole concept of "Enduring to the End" is for and to me personally. I've been pretty good at being consistent with my students (as a teacher), my husband, and my children... but not myself. :( I'm working to change myself in MANY ways. Like I told my friend Heather, "I'm 32, man! I'm gunna OWN this year!!! I'm gunna ROCK it and love it and love myself!" And, so far, I really feel like I'm moving in the right direction. Another "YEAY!!"

Yesterday I walked the bridge again and it was great except for this horrible patch on my side of the bridge. Which, of course, means I went through it TWICE! I walked through a cloud of NOSEEUMS. Have you encountered these horrible little bugs??? Well, if you come visit me during the summer (or now) I can introduce you and you will be amazed and feel exceeding respect for my determination to improve my fitness. You see, if you haven't encountered these horrible bugs, you have NO CLUE! The ones I have here are tiny little spots of light brown and BITE THE HECK OUT OF YOU!!!!!!!! Oh, MY!

I almost forgot about them, actually. I remembered that lovebug mating season is fast approaching and thought I might take a break from the bridge to avoid those harmless buggers. (I didn't want to breath them or swallow them and didn't want the girls to do either likely outcome of walking amid them, either!) The lovebugs get SO thick out on A1A that you literally cannot walk, run, ride, bike, or drive without getting them ALL over!!! Seriously gross if you don't like bugs so much. (And, if you weren't sure, I DO NOT!!!)

Well, the NOSEEUMS are MUCH MUCH much MUCH worse!! As I mentioned they are tiny and they bite. Well, as if that's not bad enough, (for a bug-almost-aphobe) the bites hurt/itch immediately. The hurt/itch does fadepretty quickly. Not so bad. After initially thinking maybe I should turn around, I decided I could deal with the immediate pain and annoyance because I COMPLETELY FORGOT the after-effect. You see, I woke up around 5:30-6am because I itched so baddly and CONSTANTLY that I could not rest at all! That is REALLY annoying AND the regular effect of those bits on me. Of course, I totally remember all this NOW!

You may not have known me or perhaps didn't know about my experience with itchiness just before I got preggie with Ria. I was cleaning up in the yard and pulled down some vines from the shed behind our trailer. The result of which was a truly horrible case of Poison Ivy. I mean, so bad that many people wanted me to go-to-the-Doc-and-get-steriods kind of BAD! I was also miserable because I ABSOLUTELY hate pointless things, especially pain. (I really don't love buying garbage bags, toilet paper, and even often wish we didn't need to eat cause it just turns into POOP!) All of that leads logically to why the pain of labor is TOTALLY do-able for me. For ONE: I understand some reasons that drugs are bad during labor AND for another: I get to have a result for the pain (a GORGEOUS little baby!!). Anyway... I've been majorly going offtrack a lot. Hopefully not troubling to you!

Jessie thought it would be fun/funny to take pictures of me

when I was suffering with Poison Ivy.

He thought I looked so funny... at least one of us had a good time with it!

By the way,

the big face is because of swelling

not because I was this fat at the time these pictures were taken!

Basically, I think I'm going to give the bridge a couple day's rest unless I can get up early to walk it. (I walked to the park over the bridge this morning at around 9:30am and was not troubled by the NOSEEUMS. So maybe we will attempt our long walk in the early part of the day?) Sage brought me home to avoid the boiling heat of the middle of the day SUN. She's SO sweet!! Regardless, though, I'll still be walking and there are a few good little hills down the street, so I'll definitely be climbing it and every other East/West street with some upanddown to it. :)

Until next time:
HAVE AN AWESOME LIFE!

The Surprise Unleashed

Have you been on the edge of your seat waiting to find out what Jess has been planning? Well, probably not... I understand. My present is NOT as big a deal to you as it is to me. :) That's okay. I totally understand!

Well, I was posing twenty questions to Jess and trying to figure out what it was that he'd purchased and put together for me. I thought it was something heavy and something he had to put togehter because Jess asked me a couple leading questions that conceivably could have gone either way, but the words he used to ask them totally lead me to believe the gift was heavy and had to be put together! Anyway... it isn't anything of the sort!

He's a trickster, my Jessie. You might not know it, but you never can tell with my guy. I must say, though, that since he made the decision to quit smoking, he has been SUPER thoughtful and loving... it's like I have the guy I fell in love with back! It's AWEsome!!!!!! And this gift is definitely another instance of feeling that my "old" Jessie is back. :) I say that because when we were early in our years together he listened to things I said and remembered little things. Then, later on he would pull things out of the air (it seemed to me because I'd forgotten what I'd said that had to do with the moment) and give me the most wonderful gift of a thing or time or something he'd made. Well, that's exactly what he did for me for this Mother's Day!

Back to the trickster bit, he totally packaged my tiny light present in an assortment of various sized boxes. Then he carried it in like it was super heavy! Right before I sat down, I tapped the box with my foot to sort of test out the weight. He knew he was caught in that trick because the box moved a lot relative to the tap, so I KNEW it wasn't heavy gift. 4 boxes into opening the package I finally found my present. What, what, WHAT was it, you ask?

Well, I would like to forestall your gratification for just a moment and take you back in time. A little while after Mother's Day last year Jess, the girls, and I went to visit my friend Denise Poleski. She's also the sweet lady who gave me the makeup I'm wearing because she doesn't feel her most beautiful when preggie and wanted to give me something to spiffy-up. It's working, too! heeheehee ;) Anyway, while visiting her to drop off cookies I'd made for her birthday, she showed us her Mother's Day gift. Have YOU seen the iPod Shuffle? OH MY GOODNESS!!! It is tiny and light and an exerciser's dream for occupying the mind with something other than thoughts or baby squeals! I thought it was super cool.

I'm sure I mentioned it to Jessie a few times after that and I'm sure I talked to him about my friend, Heather Harris's iPod and how she uses it to run. And, I know for sure, I stopped to look at a display of the tiny little music holders (MP3 Players) they have at WalMart once, really recently, when Jess was shopping with us. I may have even commented that I thought they were cool and wished I could consider such an expenditure. But I would never have seriously considered purchasing it for myself in our current circumstances.

So, it becomes ever more clear how Jessie's statement of, "Sometimes you need things you don't need," really does make sense for this gift. Have you guessed what he got yet? Well, if you guessed an iPod (of any kind) you'd be wrong. ^_^ BUT he did get me an MP3 Player! It's a 2 gig player so it holds lots and lots of music and Jess wants to buy a subscription to either a music download thingy or a book download thingy. Ok, so I'm totally WAY out of the lingo in this area, but still. You know what I'm talking about, right? I actually get a free month trial on the book download thingy and he was going to put load one onto my player, but he had no idea WHAT I would like, so he didn't. However, he DID put some music he knew I would like: Metallica, OUR song, and a song about an Island in the Sun (because that's what we live on!). He also did a voice recording that explained the gift. SO AWESOME!!!!

There is yet another reason this is a timely and WONDERFUL gift for me. You see, recently I was frustrated (as I am many nights when we come home from walking) with the girls AND Jess happened to be available to hear my complaint. I was sort of unloading my grief over their bickering in the buggy and wondered outloud to him if there was some way I could attach a 10-foot pole to the buggy and still safely walk with them. I have LOTS of invention ideas, so he could have easily thought I was working on something. He looked at me oddly for a minute and then smiled and I laughed because I really was joking (even though it WOULD be nice sometimes!!!). Well, this gift is sort of like a 10-foot pole without the actual distance AND it's much safer than the pole would be considering how sometimes I have to move quickly because people just don't seem to like walkers very much! I just have to make sure to regularly check the sounds around me and not turn the music up TOO loudly when they are being disagreeable with one another. So, my hour-long walks will be ever more soothing and much less stressful for me now! :) Thanks to my dear thoughtful hubbie!!!

Now all I have to do is get a CD player or mini radio for the girls and we'll be set! ^_^ I would even consider one of those toteable movie players, but then I'd have to worry about timing reading class for right before our walk.... I dunno. It sure would keep Ria occupied, though! :) But, Ria really isn't the one that has the problem with the hour in the buggy.... ahwell

A Walk in the Rain and a Sunny Morning at the Park

So I've been walking for a couple of weeks. This week will make three. I have a great desire to have an easier/better labor with this baby than the last. I definitely think I was beyond out of shape when I had Kat. Given that I realize that AND that I started this year serious about getting fit... I've decided to stay on course - except that I'm NOT following my plan to train for a 5k anymore. That's really just foolishness at this point, especially since I have breathing stuff happening ALREADY! (It's totally normal to get out of breath when preggie because the baby displaces the guts which sort of squish the lungs a little. Plus the lungs have to get bigger to provide for the additional oxygen requirements of the Mom AND babe.) Even knowing all that doesn't make the discomfort any more comfotable, but at least it's not as scary as it was the first time!

Anyway, my goal is to walk 5 days a week, at least, and walk for 1 hour each day. The first week I did 4 days. But last week I accomplished my minimum goal! YIPPEE!!! I'm on track this week even though it totally looked like it was going to rain when my walk time approached. But I decided I really couldn't give myself that excuse and got the girls and snacks and water ready anyway. We left and it was overcast, slightly windy, but nice weather otherwise. It did sprinkle and even sprinkled sort of hard at one point, but I kept walking and finished the hour! I wasn't soaked, which is good. And the buggy/trailer I have is AWESOME! I would recommend it to EVERYONE who wants to be active! It's a hybrid, which means that it converts from a trailer you can use behind your bike to a jogging-style stroller. It is as manueverable as a jogger, which can get frustrating sometimes, but isn't enough of a detractor to take away from all the advantages. What ARE the advantages? Well, the one I have is a two seater, BUT has a seatbelt configuration that will safe and comfortably ride just one child as well! The belts go across the lap AND over the shoulders and basically connect at one point in front of the child. But they are NOT easy to manipulate. Ria can, finally, put her own on, but cannot completely unbuckle. So, it's safe! :) Another advantage is that it will safely carry up to 100 pounds of kids! Awesome, right!?? That's two large toddlers!!! There's TONS of room in the buggy/trailer, too, as in leg room! Another advantage is that it not only has a bug net built in, but it ALSO has a wind/rain shield built in!!! This was the advantage that made it totally possible for me to walk in the rain and not worry about my girls!! What a BLESSING!!! Another HUGE and MARVELOUS advantage is that this buggy/trailer converts with ABSOLUTELY NO TOOLS!!!! If you think I'm not serious, you really should not doubt me. I would totally NOT lie about something like this! The front wheel is securely in place when in use, but disasembles by the push of some buttons and extraction of the handbrake. It took a bit of figuring with the little handbook, but it makes SO much sense, mechanically!!! OH, and the front wheel stores in the back of the buggy itself so you can carry it WITH you, which means that even if you go for a bike ride, you can walk your children after you arrive at your destination!!! And the back wheels release SUPER easy for packing in a vehicle. AND it folds up with a tug on two sturdy pull handles; one on either side of the buggy!! When you check out the site and see that it advertises for SIMPLE, EFFORTLESS, QUICK on the front page where you see a lady packing a single stroller... well, I'm SURE that's totally true for the single stroller, but for the double it does require a bit of effort for me and average to strong chick, but it IS SIMPLE and QUICK!!!! Do you wonder where I found this amazing miracle of a buggy? Well, I'll give you the address: http://www.babyjogger.com/ And mine is, of course, the Switchback/Hybrid. I wonder who would ever buy the Tailwind because you'd still need a regular buggy/stroller... but I guess if you HAVE tons of money.... We don't. We invested in this buggy with our tax return in 2007.

You might be shocked by the tag, but the cost is TOTALLY worth it if you're like I was - single car family - planning to do EVERYthing walking. I don't do grocery shopping walking, but will as soon as the new WalMart is up!!! It's going to be under 2 miles away. TOTALLY do-able, even for cold stuff, as long as I plan it well during the hot months. :)

Just as a note about babyjogger... if you have one, or one on the way, but plan to have more, I would HIGHLY recommend the initially higher/greater investment in the double bike trailer hybrid because it TRULY is worth it. And the singleton will ride in it safely as soon as s/he can sit up reliably! There are other options.

I've already got a plan for a third child. I'll use my sling for walks at first, but for long walks that won't last more than a few months. So, there's another THREE seater jogger I've found that is reasonably priced. So, we'll buy that will next year's tax return. I usually walk all over town during the week so it's a valuable investment for my family. Also, for bike rides, I'll purchase a bike seat that will be right in FRONT of me on the bike! So, we'll still have the mobility that I'm so happy to have with my current buggy/stroller... except the rain might hold us up a little because the new stroller doesn't have the built-in amenities and the bike seat isn't rain proof. :) Now, if I happen to have twins growin in there, I'm not really sure how we'll do the bike thing... but I hope to figure it out. I'm SURE I will figure the walks out... probably Ria will start biking a LOT! :) She would love that right now... but not the whole way. I'll just have to build up her endurance.

Moving right along...

Today we did Joy School with Sage and her daughters. It was the PERFECT weather! Seriously! The sun was out, but mostly hiding and the wind was only gusting gently. We played at one of the NUMEROUS playgrounds in the area... Flagler County really is good to parents!! The playground we enjoyed today has two swing sets; one for big kids and toddlers and one for babies. There are also two play/climb areas with slides. One meant for the smaller kiddos and one for the "older" who are 12 and under. It was lovely to spend time with my friend. She's the awesome chica who will help me with my girls for the birth of the baby currently "in the oven".

And currently I'm waiting for the eggs to boil to make salmon salad (like tuna salad for sandwhiches). It's yummy already, so I'm pleased. The eggs will just finish it. You know, of course, that kids AND preggie mamas are supposed to have very limited amounts of tuna and if they have it it's supposed to be a certain kind. I can't even remember the specifics because I decided it would be better to steer clear of tuna once I learned the bits and details of why to avoid it. Basically, it's all big fish because of mercury, I think. My brain is really muddled right now about the research I did on that subject. Anyway... we actually do Salmon (Alaskan, preferrably) for our food storage, which is what we're eating for lunch. Working on keeping it cycling, ya know. :)

Oh, my brother Josh shared with me that it looked like the extra money from the gov't to stimulate the economy is going to be a lot more than I was told it would likely be. So, I'm sort of hoping for the same. If it is, I think we're going to be able to "officially" have our food storage completed!!! In Florida we can only have 3 months supply - law of the land and all. And given my experiences with the Lord's will and His examples to me of why I should live faithfully, I feel very strongly that we should not exceed the limits places on us by the gov't. Now, I'm not going to be such a stickler that I'm going to count my pantry items and such as part of the food storage amount because I REALLY feel/believe they are different for different purposes. Like, to me, food storage is in case of imminent or pending disaster of any kind (loss of income is our most frequent experience with disaster to effect our abity to provide for our families nourishment). While pantry is the stuff you use all the time and have to worry about keeping stocked and worry about running out of on a weekly basis. Anyway... I TOTALLY know from experience that pantry supply is extremely valuable when life necessitates use of food storage exclusively. Pantry almost becomes gourmet extras! But anyway... I'm so excited to discuss this more with Jess and hope we will be ABLE to use much of the money (if not all of it) for this purpose! I've been feeling anxious about food storage, which I KNOW is a blessing from past experience and I need to heed the anxiety!

More later. Must finish lunch.