tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7363661354188821282024-03-17T02:52:49.455-04:00We Keep Choosing UsGollihugh Family Enduring TogetherTorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.comBlogger1043125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-37636497833322333722016-08-20T06:10:00.000-04:002016-08-20T06:10:00.176-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 64: On Newborns and PurityTo read what I think about this, check it out on my relatively new <a href="http://toriforrealgollihugh.blogspot.com/2016/06/on-newborns-and-purity.html" target="_blank">AUTHOR</a> blog.<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-48880945462593757672016-08-16T00:00:00.000-04:002016-08-16T00:00:01.771-04:00My First Children's Book<div style="text-align: left;">
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-63522866900717845042016-08-13T06:51:00.000-04:002016-08-13T06:51:00.153-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 63: When My Dad Was Transfered to Virginia from Tennessee<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-f430f385-3383-d2dc-0015-61b89815090a" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I had just finished sixth grade. I had two "best" friends: Amy Turner and Rhonda Lopozer. I'd already experienced some of the misfortunes of "socialization" in public school. (The messed up way that children learn to interact... 'clicks'... and the cool and not cool kids, etc.) I'm not sure where I fit in, but I think I was part of the cool kids because Amy, Rhonda, and Angela were pretty dang cool.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">We performed a skit in the gym to the song: "Leader of the Pack". That's how cool we were. No one else got to do that! I honestly don't remember if we were just part of a talent show. But in my memory it's more of a 'Only We Got To Do It' sort of thing. We had so much fun doing that skit! Amy was the main singer: We met him at the candy store... Rhonda and I were back-up singers. Angela was "The leader of the pack". She even rode a bike to represent a motorcycle in the gym!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">So, I was looking forward to starting seventh grade with my awesome friends. I had no idea we were moving. And then we were. And I hadn't said goodbye to my friends! I was so sad. And I tried to talk my parents in to letting me go and say goodbye. Maybe they took me to Rhonda's because she was also Navy, but I didn't get to say goodbye to Amy or Angela. I still don't understand that... how I didn't know so I could tell everyone goodbye.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">It was that move that began my belief that Heavenly Father moved us because I was bad. I was just sure that I'd done something wrong and that's why we had to move away from my best friends and I'd never see them again. I felt like each move after that was just more of the same. I was bad and doing wrong things, so we had to move.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I also remember, I think, my parents being so angry at me for being sad about the move. Maybe my Dad even yelled at me as we were driving away. I think that was a normal reaction... anger/yelling when I cried. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I have done poorly in perpetuating that as a parent. I hope I will change enough so that my children will remember very few instances of it (and maybe only Ria, Kat and Tea will remember it at all?). </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I'm working so hard to change. I hope to be a new Mama in Christ very soon!</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-10682558216560594712016-08-06T06:46:00.000-04:002016-08-06T06:46:00.181-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 62: Things I Didn't See About My Husband<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-ca00cbc0-337b-d516-c873-b2e13e0421f8" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">There are a number of things I refused to see. It's good that I did because if I'd seen them for what they were, I wouldn't have married Jessie and wouldn't have been blessed to have the children I do have. I love and adore my children. I am glad I have the ones I have, so I'm glad I didn't see these things for what they were.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">While I was in Australia, Jessie decided to buy a car. He communicated with me about his decision and asked me what I thought. I told him I was fine with it as long as it was NOT a red car. He bought a red car.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Before he left on his cruise, I asked him to buy a ring for me in each port. He did not. I asked him, specifically, if he wanted to get me an "engagement" type ring to NOT get a diamond. I asked for another stone, even my birth stone... but not a diamond. I also told him I would prefer if any ring or rings that he bought me were NOT gold.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">He did not buy me a ring at each port. The ring he purchased as the engagement ring was both gold and diamond.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">There are more examples I cannot recall this moment... from before we were married. But basically, this tendancy to do exactly opposite my preferences has persisted throughout our marriage. I'm still not sure what it is... why he does this. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I know how it FEELS to me, though. It feels like he doesn't care a bit for what I say. And, unfortunately, that has proven true all too often. It hurts. I dislike it very much. At this point, it's something I just accept, though unhappily most of the time. When he's in one of the all-too-short "seasons" where he behaves as if he cares what I say by doing what I've said, I'm usually surprised. Happily so, but also I feel very mistrustful of it. I often wonder why he's doing what I said or asked for... or why he's doing it so quickly. I dislike this feeling of mistrust, but it has definitely been earned.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">At this writing, we have been married 12 years and together for 14 (this was about a year ago, now). I am not miserable with him any more. I sure was for about two years... before we got preggie with EmJ and until relatively recently.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Interestingly and saddly enough, I'm pretty sure Jessie thought I was miserable with him for most of those early years. Mostly because I was miserable with me. My unhappiness with myself seeped out and he interpreted it as unhappiness with him. Such a sad misinterpretation. Easily rectified if he had only asked... and trusted/cared what my answer was. But he didn't.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I'm relatively sure he interprets my current happiness as a result of him, too. On a rare occassion, it may well be. But overall, currently, I am simply happier because I'm happier with me. I accept myself more than I ever have. And once through the acceptance, I feel a gratitude and love for all that is me. But not in a prideful or arrogant way.... I really think this feeling I feel more and more consistently is what we're meant to feel. Some get there earlier than me... some later, but I really do think it's among the many stops Father has purposed for our journey here on earth!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Regardless, I'm glad that my comprehension of these things I didn't comprehend about Jessie was muddled or that I simply didn't see them at all. I'm glad because , overall, I have an awesome family. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">And Jessie is a good man who can become a truly great man if he chooses to do so. I hope he does. But even if he doesn't, I'll stay married to him unless he gives me Biblical reason to depart. And even then, I would have to make my decision based upon the circumstances, not just as a: I would definitely leave if he did___. Because I just don't know what God would say about it! There might be some really important reason to stay - even if staying meant that we lived completely separately. I just don't know what the future will hold and I'm not willing to hold it hostage by my choices today.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I do believe there are some really important decisions to make before the question arises. Like about substances one might potentially take into one's body (drugs, cigarrettes, alcohol, etc), how to behave with someone of the opposite sex both before and after marriage, how to deal with money when it's had, and more. But for a marriage... I think it's easy to say one thing, but may not be easy to fulfill that determination if the circumstance plays out.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Regardless, I think Jessie and I will stay married until one of us dies... at least.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-35030275197119522662016-07-30T06:35:00.000-04:002016-07-30T06:35:01.743-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 61: The Woods<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-08cc179d-3373-04b9-005b-9e7601ec52e4" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The Woods in Washington State... or maybe it was Tennessee</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I honestly cannot tell you FOR SURE where these woods were. But I do remember playing in woods really frequently and I think it was in Oak Harbor, Washington.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I remember this one little hidey place. It was my special place. Perhaps it could be called a thicket.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I went there the most. Perhaps that's the only place I really played in the woods. It is the only part I remember now.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Perhaps it is the memory of the feeling of safety and enjoyment that is part of the reason I'm working so very hard to "re-wild" myself. these days and since way back when we moved to Florida. So that my children will have the fun and feeling of safety of having their very own woods with thickets in which to play. They do!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I don't know what they will remember of this time during which our homeplace is very wild. I do know they have so much fun out there. As I become more comfortable, I'm able to let them wander more and more. Currently, their wanderings are not all that far from our dwellings. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Our first fall on our property, we had VERY tall grass because it had not been mowed in ages and we didn't have a mower that could manage it when we moved on the place. The children turned the tall grass into a neighborhood... forming tunnels in the grass, tromping down grass for paths, and making rooftops of grass laid atop the grass tunnels. It was wonderful.</span></div>
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More recently (fall 2015), we had far less grass, so the children moved their imaginary neighborhood making into the woods beyond where their grass homes had been. And instead of houses, they call them castles or other grand adjectives... and Ria even has apartments for her siblings in her castle.</div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">They do also fight. I hope, though, that they will remember the fun more than anything!</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-25454535369496571962016-07-30T04:07:00.004-04:002016-07-30T04:08:41.088-04:00I Am... Mama and WriterFirst Mama. Then Writer. Though, of late, the latter has consumed a great deal of time as I work to get things in order to potentially be the primary breadwinner for my family. My desire is first, to do the Lord's Will. Thus this new direction and new focus.<br />
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It would be disingenuous of me to leave it at that. You see, I've been struggling greatly. I'm like the child, perhaps you have one or have seen it... they obviously want to do what their parent says more than anything, but perhaps the attitude during the doing is negative... or even downright rotten? Well, I've been mired in the negative all too frequently as I've realized this new direction.<br />
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My recent past makes even more sense now than ever. When EmJ was a baby, I was working to sell Lilla Rose. Do you remember that? I didn't exactly want to do it then. Certainly didn't want to do it full-time indefinitely. But doing it during the time I did enabled me to learn MANY things that have been extremely useful as I've begun to develop my "author's platform".<br />
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Have you ever heard of such a thing? Even if I chose to go with a Publishing House when my manuscript is ready, they want their authors to have a strong platform because they expect them to work on marketing their creation. No more are authors able to write and focus exclusively on writing... for the most part.<br />
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And if an author goes Indie... even more important to have a strong platform.<br />
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I hope you'll follow me at my new <a href="http://toriforrealgollihugh.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Author's Blog</a>. It'll help me and you'll still be able to read my thoughts and stories when this blog is closed. It's coming to the end, my friend.<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-60568130335715551072016-07-23T06:26:00.000-04:002016-07-23T06:26:02.029-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 60: The Rain in Oak Harbor Washington<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-29b8e203-336e-28c1-cb38-edd72de54c5d" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">My Mom told me this never happened... and maybe that's true. But this is my story as I remember it. And, in my memory, this happened way more than once.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I loved Oak Harbor, Washington. Maybe that's because it is there I can pull up my first memories. I have no idea why I cannot remember before I was five years old. I think it is rather strange to not be able to remember before 5, but perhaps it's rather normal?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">It rained very often in Oak Harbor. I have learned since, that it rains a lot on that side of the Rocky Mountains. It may rain more often in Oak Harbor than a little farther East into Washington State... I don't know about that. I do know it rained a LOT there.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">It didn't rain in the dark all of the time, or even most of the time. In my memory, the rain fell just as often with the sun shining bright as with it hidden by dark clouds. I remember finding myself in misty rain while playing in the sun really often. And there were even many times when I could see the drops falling down, but they never touched the ground. And back then I was pretty close to the ground (little kid), so I could readily see the truth of this observation. That's the part my Mom says never happened, but in my memory is has always been and will continue to be what is true for my story!</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-53788248169917333682016-07-16T06:21:00.000-04:002016-07-16T06:21:00.898-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 59: My Stories<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-b214b182-3369-b509-688d-16ceb6c5082e" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Stories are my life. My life is stories. They are, indeed, what lives are made of... really. Even a plant’s! Or rock’s! Everyone and everything has stories. If only we could know them...</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I love to share stories. Both mine and those I hear. I just prefer not to do so directly from my mouth. Why?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">My words, as they flow from the tips of my fingers onto the digital page flow like lovely water. Similar to the various ways water flows in many ways on the surface of our lovely earth.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">But try to speak them and the flow is hampered. Somewhat similar to a dam forming at my teeth… and the words to form the stories in my mind and heart… they get stuck. The flow stops and the lake forms… not a natural lake, but the forced kind... the man-made kind. And I feel stuck. The stories don’t mean exactly what I meant them to mean when I speak them. So, I usually don’t speak my stories. It’s so much nicer to believe that the story is as I meant it to be when I write it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Of course, there is the reality that any reader will bring their own garbage to interpretation of my tale. And so, perhaps my meaning is just as mangled as a result.</span></div>
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<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">But at least, I know that the words were just right when I left it!</span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-71974881908923678592016-07-09T06:16:00.000-04:002016-07-09T06:16:00.162-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 58: Thoughts about the Mandelbrot Set: Planetary<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-ce9299b6-3367-938a-ae2e-4453b0708ec4" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Think of the solar system, the universe, the galaxy... We are one.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I am a planet circling the sun (Tori focus on Christ). I have rotation and revolution in my path that is one continual round through this life. Through my course, as on earth, there are times when I am closer to the son and times when I am farther away. There are times when I am facing away and may know the light, but not feel it. There are times of eclipse, too.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">This system perspective enables me to see even more clearly how and why others in my life may not like it when I change. My path is easy for them to be around, until I change. And then, they must either also change or be in continual discomfort, or depart.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Each family is like a solar system. Hopefully Christ is the "son" but oftener it is an emotionally abusive person upon whom all focus, rather than Christ. Each person in the family has their set course, which is determined, in part, by "gravitational pull" of their own mass as well as their own relatively to the others in the family.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The larger community is then a universe, varying portions of it depending upon which type of community (neighborhood, town, city, nation, etc) one is considering. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Our world would then be like unto the galaxy.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">All one. One together. The same and always different.</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-11487000476091669372016-07-02T06:14:00.000-04:002016-07-02T06:14:04.248-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 57: My Sixteenth Birthday<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-b9c59bf0-3365-d6f2-25ee-6b59326f574f" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">It's likely he got the idea from someone else's life. My Dad, though a genius, doesn't have many original ideas. And, really, when it comes right down to it, he doesn't often execute his borrowed ideas very well.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">We didn't have much of a relationship. The main time my Dad interacted with me was to punish/discipline me or to hit my leg when he thought something was funny while we watched TV together. Seriously.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">So, I wasn't too excited about the prospect, but yet... I was totally excited. My Dad was taking me on a date. My first. He told me he wanted me to know how boys should treat me, so he was taking me on a date to model what I should expect. I'm sure that effort would've been more successful if I'd actually valued myself at all. I didn't, which I'm sure is a result of generational curse stuff as well as not feeling like my parents valued me much at all.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span> </div>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I remember that he held the door for me. He took me to dinner. And then to a movie... in a movie theater! We watched Beauty and the Beast. I really enjoyed the movie. It was my favorite Disney cartoon movie for a long time after that date. I'm sure that's because of the date, really.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-21731962752596892912016-06-25T06:00:00.000-04:002016-06-25T06:00:05.233-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 56: Pregnancy Series, The Second Miscarriage<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span> <span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">About 2 weeks before the miscarriage Jmy told me that I was going to die in 5 minutes.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">A few days later, Jmy told me I would die soon.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I was shocked and hurt and scared. My toddlers have a tendancy to be prophetic speakers of God's words that I can't seem to hear on my own. So, I was super scared.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The spotting started about 10 days later.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I missed church on January 11, 2015 because I'd had spotting the night before and a good bit of pain. No more spotting until the 14th. The 15th was the main day of the miscarriage. Jessie worked a job at a nursing home on the 14th and went in for the 15th. Because it was a bad situation, we'd made arrangements for him to come home in the middle of that day if certain criteria were not met. When we spoke on the phone, I learned that he would work all day. I told him I was definitely having a miscarriage (he hasn't known anything about the pregnancy at all until the night of the 14th when I was pretty sure I was beginning to miscarry).</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Josh and my Mom were in communication with me. I'd asked for prayers via Facebook the day before and updated with information about the miscarriage to ask for more prayers. As a result of communication with Josh, he suggested that maybe Jmy's words had been pertaining to the pregnancy loss. Immediately it all fit together and I felt an immense peace and calm. I was able to immediately understand that the baby had died about two weeks ago... so my body was sweeping out what could not grow. I had been very worried that my body was pushing out a viable baby. So the peace and comfort in my heart and mind was amazing.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I was still sad Jessie wouldn't be around to help me through, again. When he told me he would be working and he asked if that was okay, or something... I told him I understood and ended the conversation.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">He surprised me by coming home with flowers and a movie in hand. The flowers were ALIVE flowers. The movie was, in my opinion, more his kind of flick... but still. He sure was trying to be loving and thoughtful! It worked... and helped!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I'm so thankful he was home because I needed to have a funeral. He dug the hole for me and didn't tease me or anything about it. We did have the funeral and the peace and comfort in my heart, mind, and spirit enabled me to pass all of the big clots that first day. I felt a moment, as I lay in bed, where I had the choice to hold on or let go. I asked God to make me able to let go and heal quickly and I believe he sure did!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The process took only a week from start to finish. I did have spotting a week after the end of the miscarriage, but it was only for one day. I still felt very tender and gentle toward my body a few weeks after the miscarriage finished and was not ready to be intimate with my husband yet... both because I'm not ready to consider becoming preggie AND because I want to give my insides plenty of time to be fully well.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Interestingly, Jessie's isn't completely okay with this. I'm pretty sure I know why, but it didn't change my circumstances and feelings. So, I honored my needs.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">All in all, this miscarriage was much easier to process through and deal with. I'm very grateful for that!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">As a note, and not "official" miscarriage stories, but definitely miscarriages to me... Before I got preggie with our current newborn, I had two slips... one in each of the preceding months before I got preggie with our current youngest babe.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Slips, to me, are miscarriages that happen either right before or right after you get a positive on a pregnancy test. The first month (April 2015) I didn't get a positive, but I knew I was preggie. The blood came before it should have. The second slip, in May 2015, I did get a positive on a pregnancy test. The blood came late.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I ordered Progessence-Plus from Young Living and started it as soon as it arrived. I feel certain that God Led me to that purchase because I got preggie AND kept the baby!</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-79000207603322590002016-06-18T05:59:00.000-04:002016-06-18T05:59:01.236-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 55: Preagnancy Series, The First Miscarriage<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-6e8ec5b0-334f-dc7c-18e5-5dff017b29cb" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">As of this writing I have had two. One between Jmy and EmJ. I bled that one out at the end of June 2012, which was a year before EmJ was born. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Honestly, I think it was EmJ and she just needed to be born in June! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The more recent miscarriage started January 14 was, I believe, twins.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The first miscarriage</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I found out the baby was dead via an ultrasound. I'd been so very happy to be preggie. Jessie was, perhaps, less thrilled, but accepting, for the most part. I think he was relieved when I had the miscarriage, though.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Perhaps I was in denial about the whole thing. I certainly didn't really want to let go of the pregnancy. I didn't feel supported or loved by my husband and believed I needed both of those things. I'm sure all of that made the whole thing more difficult to endure.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">My feelings of loss and pain were enormous!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">My friend, Ellen, came to bring me pain medication. Jessie was at work. I was so hurt and angry that he went to work and left me alone to deal with this traumatic event. He was being paid salary, so missing a day or a week... he'd still get paid. But he believed he had to go to work. He has, in my experience of him, put his efforts for school and work before my needs. So this was just another slap in my emotional face, as it were.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I'm sure my feelings about his absence made it all way worse.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I also did not really fully mourn the loss during the process of it. I think I was just so in denial and so hurt over Jessie's choices that I wasn't dealing with the actual processing of the miscarriage.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I picked up the tissue I thought was probably the baby out of the toilet and then put it back and flushed. That hurt more than anything, I think. I felt like I should've honored myself... the time invested in that pregnancy, and the baby more than flushing it down the toilet.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">It took me months to deal with the loss of that pregnancy. I may have been okay by the time I was preggie with EmJ about 3 months later. Maybe.</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-69005796226787448282016-06-11T17:31:00.000-04:002016-06-11T17:31:07.923-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 54: Pregnancy Series, My SixthThis pregnancy has been significantly different from the others. First, I'm sure, because of oils. Second, because I was so much more clearly focused on Faith. And Third... because of our choice of lifestyle.<br />
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Some of the highlights (which I so name only because they are the things that stand out the most, not necessarily because all of them were super positive):<br />
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-I didn't feel baby move much at all until right around twenty weeks! (Super late compared to the preceding pregnancies.)<br />
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-Jessie ended up mostly unemployed through the majority of this pregnancy.<br />
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-He decided to quit smoking.<br />
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-My children caught lice and we ended up having it for months. I attribute that, in large part, to catching it again after being free of the ghastly buggers for less than two weeks AND the difficulties inherent in the way we choose to live.<br />
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-I took a two-night, one-day, time-out in our camping van.<br />
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-My Uncle Matt killed himself (January 2, 2016).<br />
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-We took our first 'staycation'... the reason for it was so battle the lice bugs... we simply do not produce enough electricity in the winter to use a blow dryer on three girls' heads!<br />
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-When baby started moving so I could feel him regularly, I felt frequent movements all over the place.<br />
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For the rest of the story, click <a href="http://gollihughfamily.blogspot.com/2016/05/birth-of-our-gra-boy.html#.Vz0FqmfSles" target="_blank">HERE</a>.<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-32269117472512288352016-06-04T05:17:00.000-04:002016-06-04T05:17:00.177-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 53: Pregnancy Series, My Fifth<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I just "knew" EmJ was a girl from early on. This was my easiest pregnancy as far as the physical side of things goes. However, it was the most difficult emotionally and spiritually.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Jessie and I were having a really difficult time from before EmJ's conception. Things just got worse and worse. I definitely experienced prenatal depression during the pregnancy, which was, in itself, upsetting because I was so close to being healed of depression, generally, I thought.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I also had a miscarriage before I conceived EmJ. That miscarriage was really difficult and traumatic for me (I'll share about it in a post after this one).</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Eventually, the children and I went to visit my parents after Thanksgiving and before my birthday (also before Christmas) in 2012. We left very soon after Thanksgiving... it was such a wonderful Thanksgiving, too. Probably our best to that point. So it was a major bummer to feel like my marriage and life was falling apart after it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I have come to believe... come to understand... that both Jessie and my family lines have generational curses and/or emotional dark spots around pertaining to that period between Thanksgiving and Christmas... perhaps covering both of those holidays. I haven't figured out exactly what, but it's like an energetic pall that impacts us.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">When we can define a problem, we have made the first step toward solving it. However, I've known the problem for a few years now and still have not figured out how to resolve it. I am working on it, though!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">So, my four children and I stayed with Mimi and JPa for almost 3 months. It was an important experience as I was able to see some things about my brother John and my Dad that I couldn't have seen if I wasn't there during that time. I know I was supposed to be there. I'm not happy that I was there under the negative circumstances that Daddy and I were experiencing.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">We returned to Florida some time in March (before Ria and Jmy's birthdays) and EmJ was born on June 10th. I just knew she would be born on June 10th from the very beginning. I'm so happy she was because my sister has two daughters born on that day. I don't know exactly why, but that's just been special to me from the very beginning of my pregnancy to grow EmJ.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I was in labor, but it was the night before EmJ would be born when I heard from my yet-to-be-born-baby that one of her middle names should be JOY. I'd already settled, for sure, on Evelyn Margaret, so Joy fit nicely after that, in my opinion. And it seemed perfect to me that we would call her by her initials. It sounds like we are saying "MJ"... like Mary Jane. But we know we are saying her initials.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Labor started in the evening on the 9th. It was manageable.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I woke during the night to more difficult contractions. I was able to faith my way through most... so it was hard work, but not painful.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Later, I felt like I wasn't able to maintain as good control and things started to get painful.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Eventually I woke Jessie up. He brought the big brown leather chair to me in our bedroom and I was able to labor in that a little bit.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">After a while, very early in the morning, Jessie called Karen and told her we thought it was time for her to come. She did.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">When she arrived and checked me, she told me I was 7cm dilated. I was really unhappy to hear that because I was concerned that I would go another 12 hours just as I had with Jmy. I should've been okay with that... I should've trusted my body and my baby more. But I didn't.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I went to the bathroom and applied essential oils to my belly, to the inside of my left ankle, and did accupressure.... which is how I started labor to have Jmy.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The labor became very difficult and painful.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">When my midwife, without my permission, broke my waters, I felt a horrible snap and a tremendous pain radiated out from my right hip. I couldn't stand up as a result. I just knew (didn't tell her, but it shouldn't have mattered because she should've asked me to break my waters - rather than doing it without my permission!) that EmJ was supposed to be born in the caul. I feel so sad that she didn't get what she was supposed to have! Her birth was way more traumatic for both of us, but especially her, than it was meant to be.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Immediately Karen felt there was cause for concern (she found meconium in the amniotic fluid) and had me move from standing up next to the crib to lying down on my bed and pushing. EmJ was born with only a few pushes. She was breathing very easily, but I knew she was far more disoriented than she should'be been. I just feel so badly that I didn't protect her better... in a LOT of ways!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">EmJ was born in Mama and Daddy's room, on the same bed as Jmy, in the same house as Jmy, in Florida. EmJ was my smallest baby at 8 pounds and 2 ounces! 2 ounces smaller than Ria.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">You can read more... perhaps including lots of redundancy... about EmJ's birth from when I originally wrote about it <a href="http://gollihughfamily.blogspot.com/2013/06/our-birth.html#.VpREA2fSkeE" target="_blank">HERE</a>.</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-70314591634334840922016-05-28T05:16:00.000-04:002016-05-28T05:16:00.225-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 52: Pregnancy Series, My Fourth<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">This pregnancy was good. I was not as active. We lived in a different part of Florida in a house we'd bought a mortgage for. I got preggie almost immediately after we moved in. I think I had my first miscarriage, but it was so soon after conception that I don't "officially" count it because I couldn't have gotten a positive on the pregnancy test at that point. So, that was my first 'slip'.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I didn't really get out to walk. And didn't get very active. I probably ate too much chocolate and other sweets. I'd done that with the other children, too... to some extent. But this time, for whatever reason, I gained weight like crazy. 40 pounds, to be exact. Because of that, and a couple other details, I just knew I was preggie with a boy. I didn't tell Jessie because I didn't want him to be totally let down if I was wrong. I knew for sure I was right when Karen (our midwife again) told me to let Daddy check for parts. Jessie cried like a baby again when he realized he had a boy.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">For the full story (a three part series in itself, check it out <a href="http://gollihughfamily.blogspot.com/2011/03/welcoming-baby.html#.VpREXWfSkeE" target="_blank">HERE</a>).</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I readily remember that when Karen, our midwife, arrived, I was 7cm dilated. I was very happy to hear that. Everyone was sure our baby would be born very quickly. He was not.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">It took about 21.5 hours for him to make his entrance into the world. He was also very high... not engaged the way Karen wanted him to be. But I still pushed him out quickly.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">In only two pushes, to be exact! My fastest to that point. He was a blue-chord-around-the-neck-baby, but not as limp as Kat when she was born. Karen put oxygen in front of his nose and he pinked right up.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Once again, I felt the same miraculous heart expansion and capacity-to-love-growth that happens at each birth. It is just amazing! Jmy was another 10 pound 4 ounce baby! He was NOT as fluffy as Tea, though. He was just solid. And has remained solid ever since (now five years old!).</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Jmy was born in Mama and Daddy's bedroom, on our Kingsdown bed that I bought for $800 from a lady who had horrible allergies in Virginia, in Daddy's "castle" house in Florida. I remember lying down diagonally and Karen, being sorta wedged in between the wall and me on the bed.</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-66703285824615291592016-05-21T17:00:00.000-04:002016-05-21T17:00:05.871-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 51: Pregnancy Series, My Third<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: small;">This time around, </span>I held my tummy in and tooks walks with my older two almost every day. I was determined that I would not have the difficulty pushing that I had with Kat's delivery. Thankfully I did what needed to be done and it was much better when it came to pushing.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">This pregnancy was my first in Florida. It was easier for me to get out of the house because of where we lived. I took Ria to ballet (with Kat along, of course). Kat would watch and wish to join in... she did most of the exercises in the waiting room, at the door, while watching Ria. I also took the girls to story time regularly. I also met with a dear friend of mine pretty regularly to hang out because her Victoria is the same age as mine.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Karen was my midwife. She was quite good and good for me.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">When I was 2 weeks "overdue," Karen was worried and I suggested homeopathics. She gave them to me and I started them. Immediately went into labor. Labor lasted 3 long, painful days. It was not pleasant. I should've trusted my body and baby more.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Finally at 10cm dilated and able to push. I think she was worried because Tea was not engaged as much as she expected or wanted to see. She gave me the go-ahead to push and I did. Within five minutes Tea was born. Holding my tummy in and walking had definitely made a difference!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Again, we didn't know what we were having. I was pretty sure she was a girl because, again, I'd dropped 7 pounds during the pregnancy. I was just as happy to see that I was right as I was with each other birth (when I'd been wrong). </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Tea was perfect. Crazy-full head of black hair that looked almost like a wig on my first ten pound four ounce baby. She was short, too... so she had ROLLS! Absolutely adorable rolls! Her cheeks were so chubbs that when she was laid on her side, the cheek that was up in the air drooped over her mouth! She definitely had Micheline Man arms and legs from birth! When she was born we needed to stimulate her a little bit, Karen held the oxygen close to her, but she definitely was not blue or limp.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Tea was born in our living room, on our brown couch which was given to us by my friend Heather in Florida.</span></div>
<br /><br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-47386526731455947702016-05-18T18:16:00.000-04:002016-05-18T18:16:07.313-04:00Birth of our GrA boy<span style="font-family: "calibri" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">The
super quick synopsis if you're really not super interested follows.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">Active
labor: 4-4.5 hours</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">Transfer:
to hospital som</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">e</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">where
around midnight</span></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">GrA
born: 2:23am by c-section</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">I
was in a room with him less than an hour </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">after
he was taken out</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">.</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">About
5 hours later, I was rolled away for emergency surgery.</span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">In
ICU for just over 24 hours.</span></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">Back
home my mid-day Sunday, April 3rd.</span></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">Staples
out, Friday, April 8th.</span></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">Gardening
by Thursday, April 25th.</span></span></span></div>
<br />
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<br />
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">If
you want more details, click <a href="http://gollihughfamily.blogspot.com/2015/04/birth-of-gra-extended-version.html#.Vz0FG2fSles" target="_blank">HERE</a> for *the rest of the story*.</span></span></span></div>
<br />
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<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-92039709645550067432016-05-14T04:53:00.000-04:002016-05-14T04:53:09.430-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 50: Pregnancy Series, My Second<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-bc0c9b3f-331c-4546-c3f8-47bacab3aa42" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> I was no longer working as a teacher during this pregnancy. I was way more sedentary. I did not hold my tummy in really at all. I still dropped 7 pounds during the pregnancy, but it definitely was not really apparent.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Kristi was my midwife. She was, technically, not able to be fully legal yet in Virginia. So, although she did attend my birth, we did not attach her name to the paperwork for a birth certificate. That complicated the process of getting Kat's birth certificate.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">My pregnancy with Kat went well. I was tired and lonely a lot... not entirely used to being a Mama to one and worried about how I would add another. Worried about whether I could love a second as much as the first... silly things like that. I was probably still experiencing some aspects of the post-partum depression I had after Ria's birth.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I was two weeks "over due" with Kat when Kristi asked if I would be willing to use homeopathic remedies to try to get labor started. I was willing because I could tell she was very concerned.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The homeopathic remedies did start labor, but it was a long and drawn out labor because it was not natural. It was more natural and tolerable than Pitocin, but still not my body's starting the process itself... or the baby starting it... or the both of them working together. It was unnatural. I wish I'd been more courageous and trusted my body and my baby more.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I was in labor for 2 days to give birth to Kat.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Pushing took a long time this go-round. I'm sure that's because my abdominal muscles were really unfit. I may have pushed as long as 40 minutes. I can't remember for sure. Compared to the 11 minutes with Ria (which includes the time it took me to move from the floor to the bed), the time it took to push Kat out was long and arduous.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">When she was born, we did not know what we were having. We thought we wanted a boy. I saw that we had another girl and I was ecstatic! I couldn't have been happier with our second adorable black-haired, 9 pound 8 ounce baby girl! She was born a blue baby and very limp because her cord was partially prolapsed when she began crowning and it was wrapped around her neck a couple times. Her unresponsiveness was worrisome. Kristi pushed the cord back where it should've been before I finished pushing Kat out. One baby was out, Kristi described how and I performed the kiss of life. I breathed life into Kat. She pinked up very well after that.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I learned very quickly (immediately?) that each child grows its parents hearts... it's as if, immediately upon birth, my heart is so much bigger that I have exactly as much love for the second as I had for the first. It's amazing!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Kat was born in our living room, right in front of our couch, in our little trailer in a trailer park Virginia.</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-74981817276075137542016-05-07T04:52:00.000-04:002016-05-07T04:52:07.077-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 49: Pregnancy Series, My First<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-bc0c9b3f-3318-74eb-97fd-0b4f02a7a56c" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I was working as a teacher. My first year in that job. I was worried what my peers and boss would think of me being preggie, so I held my tummy in all the time. I was a size 18 when I began my Ria pregnancy. I dropped 7 pounds during the pregnancy. I did need to wear maternity shirts and pants by the end, but not by much.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">This pregnancy was wonderful. I felt so pretty and happy. It was really wonderful. Except for the stress of my work. That was pretty rough.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">And then there was the ultrasound. It suggested that our baby's heart might be turned wrong and other parts of her underdeveloped. We "had to" have another ultrasound. We were trying to get accepted into a midwife attended and run birthing clinic in the hospital. We were not accepted. Not because of the heart thing, that turned out to be nothing. There was no problem. There was no problem with her at all.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Probably good that we weren't. Laurie MacPherson-Smith was our midwife - upon recommendation from Claudia Shafer, our birth-class instructor. She was good. Not as good as I would wish... apparently she'd had too many babies born in a certain way... so when it looked like Ria might be born in that way, she had me change my position which was more painful than anything prior to it... and I had a very painful labor to birth Ria.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Jessie didn't review the birth class information. He didn't do what he was supposed to do to help me. I felt very much on my own... because I had a wrong expectation that my husband would do certain things. He could've, but it didn't happen that way.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Neither of us had any way of knowing how completely and utterly I would "lose" my ability to stand up for myself whilst in labor. It's amazing how different... how much sweeter I am in labor than any other time in my life... how much weaker and unable to speak for myself. At least, that's how I was for the first five. I hope I will be differnt for the next since I've been doing SO much work to become a new woman in ways imperceptible to most folks.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Jessie was present for much of the labor and for the birth. He did the best he could under the circumstances.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The day before Ria was born, we had a visit with our midwife. She swiped my cirvix. She did not discuss that with me before she did it. If she said anything about it, she didn't help me understand it fully. As a result, she broke my waters. I know she did, but Ria's head blocked them from coming out until much later.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I went home and promptly worked my butt off. That last shot of energy was spent on cleaning. I didn't realize fully that I was in labor. I hoped so, but didn't know KNOW know.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">She felt like she had to do something because I was, according to the way of figuring out when a baby is "due," nine days "late." It still upsets me that she started my labor in that way. It's because of this unnatural start that I ended up in so much pain at the very end.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">When I laid down to sleep around midnight, waters came gushing out. The contractions became horribly painful immediately thereafter. I'm pretty sure I mistook Ria moving after contractions for contractions. It was all a ball of pain to my mind.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I was probably way more dilated at home, but the drive to the hospital, though short, was excruciatingly painful. When they checked me there, I was only 3cm. I was so upset. I tried all kinds of things: bouncy ball, walking (though not much), kneeling, showering. It was all just horribly painful. I was fearful.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">A little bit before 1pm (I think), I was ready to push. My midwife told me to squat down and push with the next contraction, while holding on to some handles under the bed. I did. Apparently, Ria crowned with that one push. Pushing was blissfully wonderful. It was a relief and a release from the torturous pain of the laboring process. Because of the crowning, Laurie told me to get up on the bed. This is the moment that I needed my Mom or Jessie to step in and tell them that I would NOT move, that I was good where I was, and the baby would be born right there. Neither of them did so. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">That move was horribly painful. Probably more painful than anything before it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I labored for 22.5 hours to give birth to Ria.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">After moving onto the bed and getting into position there, I pushed another two or three times and had Ria out. I was extatic. It was glorious to hold my baby. I'd previously thought I wanted a boy. I looked. I had a girl and could not have been happier to have her!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Our sweet, black-haired 8 pound 4 ounce baby girl! She didn't cry when she was born. The nurse tried to rub her into crying. But I wouldn't let her. I knew Ria was fine. I knew she didn't need to cry.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">She had such a very serious expression on her face from the start. She didn't smile at me until she was nearly 3 months old... even though she smiled at her Daddy and her Mimi!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Ria was born in a hospital in Virginia.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-59238031691758103722016-04-30T16:47:00.000-04:002016-04-30T16:47:03.170-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 48: Memphis Jim Boy<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-515e698d-3315-41bc-94f1-ad9e4b178982" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">As a young girl, I heard stories about dogs we had when I was a baby. There was one that was super patient. When it got tired of me doing something it, it would put it's paw on my chest and sit me down. That dog jumped a fence and ran away... purportedly because it got tired of my baby ways.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">There were others, but I do not remember them. I don't even remember any stories about them any more. They ran away or were lost, it seems. Always, it seemed they ran to get away from me.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Children tend to desire a pet. Someone to love them no matter what, they think. There is no real thought of or care about the time they requir</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">e... the work necessary... children just want the pet for love. My siblings and I were no different.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">After, I imagine, years of begging, my parents decided to get a labradore retreiver. And since my Dad was involved, it had to be a full-bred, registered dog. Nothing but the best, of course. He had visions of dog shows and a breeding program, I'm sure.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">We got the puppy. A cute male that my Dad promptly named Memphis Jim Boy. We called him Jim or Jim Boy. But since it was going to be a show dog, in my Dad's imagination, it had to have a long name befitting a ribbon winner.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">There was lots of admiring and cuddling with the puppy was very small. Eventually the newness wore off and our attentions moved elsewhere. My Mom ended up taking care of the dog more than our Dad or any of us children. And then she neared the time to deliver Ben. She was tired and unwilling to have to take care of that dog and a newborn as well as everything else she had to do.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">It was still traumatic to have our dog torn from us... or, at least, it was for me. I may not have done well with it, but I sure did love it. But then, he was just gone.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">___</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">There was one time (or maybe a few?) that I was trying to walk Jim Boy and couldn't control him... so I ended up dragging on the ground behind him. He was a strong pup! That’s one of my Dad’s favorite stories pertaining to that dog.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-3010602339293460412016-04-23T04:44:00.000-04:002016-04-23T04:44:02.548-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 47: Ask and Ye Shall Receive (a Lesson of Life)<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-23dc35d3-330d-fbc0-a63c-affb7e0c3885" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">As a bit of a forward: I joined a group a few years ago in which we share compositions about Lessons of Life we have experienced. Part of the aspects of our writing for this group is that we include two scriptures and two leadership quotes that add additional witness to our perspective (by the mouth of two or three... and all that). I've written MANY of these, but share few here. I am considering sharing more... but I balk because these are my pearls. And we have been directed not to cast our pearls before swine lest they turn and rend us... and I've been sorely rent, my friend. So... just one here and there for now.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span> </div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Ask And Ye Shall Receive (written during our van living period during 2014)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span> </div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">recently read something in my meditation community by a woman who was asked a tough question. The question has been nagging at me, too. She was asked, "What do you believe that is keeping people from joining your meditation group?" Well, I'm not trying to run a meditation group, but I do desire to have an influx of money for some things that I do sell and a business or two that I desire to build.</span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The woman who was initially asked this question came to the conclusion that she believed people didn't really want to hear what she had to say. I'm not exactly sure what the root of my own belief is, but I'm certain I will find it as I prayerfully ponder over it. I hope that through finding it, I will also be able to release it to the Atonement and be healed and experience the true Prosperity that Father has for and desires to bestow upon me and mine.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span> </div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I know He has far more than I am receiving at this time because of an experience yesterday. A man asked my husband and me for a few pennies. I literally had 4 pennies and a nickel. I asked my husband how much we should give him and he said, "Whatever you have in your hand." I had only what I've already shared. I refused to be so ungenerous and took another few moments to find a few quarters in another part of my purse.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span> </div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Even as I was putting together a few coins, and often in the last 20 hours or so, I've thought of this interaction. While I was searching for the coins, I kept thinking, "If he'd asked for a few bills, I'd give it to him... I mean, I have a couple thousand with me right now!" I rarely have much cash with me but because we'd just sold something I had a lot. I wouldn't have given him all, as we need the majority of that money to just get by from day to day for the next month or so (until my husband gets a job). But if he'd asked for more, I may have given him as much as $5. But he asked for only pennies. I gave him that, and more... and still wonder if I gave too little.</span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">So now I wonder how much more Father has for me... but I just ask for far less than He would give! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span> </div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I truly beleive our Father in Heaven is the King of ALL. Don't Fathers desire to bless their children? Don't they want their children to have all that they need... ESPECIALLY if they are doing their pitiful best to improve and become all that He wants them to be? I believe He does. So, in addition to pondering over what belief I have that is holding me back, I'm going to ponder over what I need to ask Father for... and how!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span> </div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The additional witnesses:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Matthew 21:22</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">"And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive."</span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Doctrine and Covenants 84:38</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">"And he that receiveth my Father receiveth my Father's kingdom; therefore all that my Father hath shall be given unto him."</span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">"It is evident that He intends that we do our part. But what, specifically, are we to do? No one would expect to receive a result from physical law without obeying it. Spiritual law is the same. As much as we want help, we must expect to follow the spiritual law that controls that help. Spiritual law is not mysterious. It is something that we can understand. The scriptures define it in significant detail." </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">(D&C 82: 10, 1 John 3:22, 1 Nephi 15:11) </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span> </div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">"The Lord has the power to bless us at any time. Yet we see that to count on His help, we must consistently obey His commandments." Richard G. Scott General Conference Talk: Obtaining Help from the Lord, October 1991 </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span> </div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">"By keeping the covenants of the gospel, all of the momentary trials of life can be transcended." Paul E. Koelliker General Conference Talk: Gospel Covenants Bring Promised Blessings, October 2005</span></div>
<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-24863621507874901322016-04-16T04:35:00.000-04:002016-04-16T04:35:10.339-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 46: Kindergarten Field Trip<div dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-6f7ab838-3309-cc96-0e47-87250fc31a53" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">We lived in Oak Harbor, Washington. It was lovely there, from what I remember. I enjoyed it very much. I started school in Oak Harbor. In my memory, my school (it was a whole building just for Kindergardeners) was high on a hill. At the bottom of the hill was the Navy Exchange.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">At Christmas time, we took a field trip and walked down the hill to the Navy Exchange. I loved my teacher. I think her name was Mrs. Wagner.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span> </div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">We sang songs in a big open area in the building that had the NEX. I remember a woman either patting or pinching my cheek and commenting about how cute I was.</span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">As we walked back up the hill to school, Mrs. Wagner was worried that it might start raining because there were lots of clouds. So, she started to sing "You Are My Sunshine". She asked us to sing with her to make the request stronger. And then asked us to sing louder so the sun would hear us. I remember just belting out that song as loudly as I could because I loved her so much and wanted her to be happy.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span> </div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I think the clouds did move, but maybe they didn't.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span> </div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.66px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Look for the story about my experience of rain in Oak Harbor.</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-74538899939863884312016-04-09T05:00:00.000-04:002016-04-09T05:00:09.802-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 45: Temple Trip 7-21-15
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">Today
was, overall, a wonderful day. We went to the Temple in Dallas.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">One
strange thing to note is what seemed like hyperactivity of Police.
We saw SO many on the interstate and in the city. WAY more than
normal. Wonder if there is any connection to Jade Helm 15. We also
saw what looked like a high-speed chase in progress... thankfully, it
was going north when we were headed south. So strange. And since we
don't tune into any local-ish news, we don't know if what we saw was
publicized. ahwell</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">My
experience in the Temple today is one I hope I will remember in the
same way I remember the one in which I felt the presence of the woman
whose work I did. THAT is an awesome treasure. I look forward to
hugging her some day!</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">The
Endowment presentation this time was the one that I have seen most
frequently since coming to Texas. I like it a lot. I felt, for
almost the entire viewing time, as though I were receiving a download
of spiritual data... for lack of a better way to convey the feeling.
I did experience at least one moment I can readily verbalize.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">In
my mind I saw a wave labeled... like I did when I was in grade
school. Picture of wave. Line coming from top, box around the word
"crest". Line from bottom, box around the word "trough".
As a sort of narration, but not a part of the picture, per se, I
felt "repetition". And so it is. Another experience with
the "seasonality" of life. This one, in particular,
referring to the highs and lows. And not all are the same at the
same time. While one wave breaks, another rises... all over the
place. Repeatedly. So too in the movement of humans in all the
various ways we move... mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually....</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">Before
I went into the Temple today, I'd read another message from a long-time friend.
I'm pretty sure she's already made her decision. It seems that she
is down the path as others I've tried to help in the past. And down
so far she's not going to come back the way she left. It seems like
she's sorta just looking for me to say, "Okay... yeah... I get
it. Well, maybe that's right for you, then." But I cannot.
Because that's not true.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">However,
I don't think there is any way she would hear any version of that
from me as a positive thing or loving - even though that's what I
would be trying to convey. Why? Because in at least the last two
communications she has conveyed a feeling of offense regarding
something I've said. And I'm tired of trying to explain myself to
yet another person who is projecting their own insecurities onto my
blunt/directness. Communicating with people is becoming so
burdensome most of the time lately. I just feel exhausted at trying
to figure out how to say something so someone will not be offended!
I mean... heck, if these same folks actually KNEW me, they wouldn't
take offense when I mean none and they'd KNOW when I did. I guess
that's part of the problem... so few of us ACTUALLY know or truly
attempt to get to know another being.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">I
digress. I wanted to share what I need to tell her so that I'll
remember it for whenever I feel like Heavenly Father says it's the
right time for me to tell her what I feel He wants me to tell her.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">Basically,
it is this:</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">You
are hacking at your own foundation with your fears and questions.
Perhaps you did not have a solid foundation into Christ (THE Rock)...
I have no real way of knowing. I believe Heavenly Father has given
us all a good guide for overcoming fear and confusion: go back to the
basics. If we doubt basically everything, go back to whatever is
most basic that we do, for sure, believe in, and build from there.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">Perhaps
that means we go back to knowing that God is our Father and we're not
really sure about anything else.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">The
different Primary manuals are available online. If you have a smart
phone, you can download LDS tools and get all of them in one place.
Otherwise, you can surely download them via desktop or laptop, too.
If I was feeling as confused as my friend, I'd go to the nursery manual and
start with the very first lesson and read it and all scriptures,
songs, and whatever mentioned in it. And not just read it, but read
it prayerfully... with a desire to know the truth... and a complete
willingness to do what the Lord would have me do. That last part is
a pretty big key that lots of folks leave out when asking God
questions.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">For
instance, Jessie (my husband) has asked God if the Book of Mormon is true. He
hasn't read the whole thing, so that's part of the problem... but
he's also not willing to make the necessary changes - the changes
that would be absolutely necessary if he were to receive The answer.
He's not willing to make those changes. He's NOT willing to give
away all his sins to know the truth.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">I'm
not saying that I (or anyone else who has a solid testimony of the
restored Gospel as it is in the LDS church) am free of sin and that's
how I can have a testimony. Definitely not. I am saying that I'm
*willing* to give away all my sins to know the truth. Line upon
line, here a little, there a little... I have "favorite"
sins I'm struggling to overcome just like anyone else. But I've
overcome others that I didn't think I ever would! In and through
Christ Jesus ANYTHING is possible! I know it, because I've lived
it!!!</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">The
other main thing I felt Father directed me to convey is this: I'm
pretty sure my friend (and others including her son) have misunderstood
the word perfect and perfection.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">As
a result of this communication with my friend, I spent some time looking stuff up in
the Celestial Room (only paper scriptures there) and found myself
understanding my friend's misunderstanding... feeling like I can see exactly
how she has misunderstood and what the words she's misunderstood actually mean. However, I
have also received direct and firm instruction that she needs to learn
these things by her own effort. It is not mine to give. And, honestly, I think the same is true for anyone reading this and wanting to know what perfect and perfection really mean in the scriptures as God used them through humans.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">I'm
hoping that if you doubt, you'll go back to the basics AND look into what God means
by perfect and perfection....</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">______________________________________________________________________________</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">I
just feel like I want to describe this "spiritual download"
because it was so cool! I haven't experienced anything like it to
this magnitude before. The only time I've experienced anything
similar has been in relation to meditation and that has been
wonderful... but this was... I don't even know how to describe it
right now! I felt, in a way (and this is sorta silly, I think, but
it's really true), like I was the genie, realizing my cosmic power!
Like in Aladin! heeheehee I feel like I'm laughing inside right now
because it just sorta sounds goofy. Anyway... it was wonderful!</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">Perhaps
this wonderful experience is a sort of gift... I mean, I've been
trying so hard to help my friend to see the truth. And nothing has
helped. It definitely feels like another special Confirmation
experience similar to the one I had so that I know that Joseph Smith
really did what he professed and so that I would know this church is
where I needed to raise my children. It's definitely of that caliber
of an experience. And maybe Father has given me this additional
Confirmation as a gift because of my efforts with my friend...
because I have been attempting to convey to her that IS true - even
though He knows she's taken some of it the wrong way.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">Evelyn
and Chris both said something very similar to me while they were
here. I mention it because, although I disagree with it very much
for various reasons, I feel like Heavenly Father had them both say
this thing to me so that I would both understand and be able to obey
His direction to me that I NOT share all that I learned today. They
didn't say it at the same time... and different conversations sparked
the statement... and they weren't necessarily together when they said it... and it was said in different ways by both of them.
But they both told me, basically, that it is very dangerous to give
people what they haven't had to work for spiritually. I believe this
principle is often (though not always!) true for any type of
giving... I mean, look at the welfare problems! Anyway... I disagree
because there have been SO many times when the forward motion I was
able to make came as a result of someone just TELLing me truth
straight out. But, I guess, as in SO many ways, I am not the norm in
this regard. Because I've definitely already had the experience with
my friend that she needs to come to know certain things for herself
and she has not valued the knowledge I have come by... not really.
Not in a "yes, I understand" sort of way. Anyway... just
another example of what Jessie has said frequently: "God is an
AWESOME planner!" He surely is!</span></span></span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-16485987481997333782016-04-02T05:00:00.000-04:002016-04-02T05:00:16.197-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 44: June 2015 Temple Trip
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">We
went on a Saturday toward the end of the month. It was to be the day
before I would receive my new calling.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">I
cannot remember all the details now. Shame on me for waiting to
record it. I'm glad I am at all, though, at this point. I've been
trying to get out at night to Applebees or somewhere to just write.
That hasn't happened. In part because I've slept so much! Up late
now writing and not going to town (even though I very much want to)
because we spent so much money on today's Temple trip (July 2015).
ahwell</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">So,
I think it was in the Celestial Room... but it may have begun in the
Endowment. I was there among many others. A wedding, perhaps? And
basically everyone there knew each other. I was the only one I saw
who didn't have someone to speak to at all.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">I
heard/felt, "You do not belong."</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">I
sorta responded... um, yeah. Kind obvious.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">"No.
You do not belong here."</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">Me:
yep. Don't know anyone. I know.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">"No.
You do not belong HERE." and then images of each place I've
ever lived, each Ward (including current), and zooming out to a view
of the world from space.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">The
most wonderfully strange thing was, it felt absolutely WONDERFUL and
amazing! I felt like I was wrapped up in God's absolute total and
unconditional Love FOR ME and that He was telling me that He KNOWS I
am wonderful BECAUSE I didn't belong anywhere He'd shown me. I felt
GOOD and Loved and RIGHT.... </span></span></span>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">What
a gift! Anytime to see and feel what I saw and felt. Even more so,
as it happens, given what happened the next day.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">Before
I get to that, I must convey that a texting
fiasco had transpired and I wasn't sure if anyone was going to
actually communicate with me about it or not.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">As
it happens (pertaining to the fiasco), that was also a gift of the
painful sort. Father has used it to show me that the GOSSIPyness of
this Ward is definitely on par with Deland and probably even as bad
as Bunnell... I don't think it could be worse than Bunnell... but
then again, I was WAY more obtuse to understanding the meannesses
swirling around me back then. *sigh* I praise God for sheltering me
so lovingly for so long.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">Back
to the main story.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">The
next day, in communication with two sweet ladies, I
came to understand that I would definitely be released. I realized I might be called in one of a couple ways I'd
suspected. One of the latter "hand"
possibilities being a calling I adore...Nursery. I was so hoping for that one! Although I do know it is considered by
most/many in the church (because they don't understand the truth) as
a "step down". Which is difficult, right? I mean, we
don't exactly WANT to care what others think, but it's often
difficult to completely not care... even for me.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">As
a result of the realization that I would not have as close association with the sisters I had begun to feel close to, I just felt this crushing sorrow over
losing the bonding agent that the current calling at the time had been for me.... I'm
pretty sure, at this point, that I have only one true friend in this Ward.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">So,
I felt sorrow and experienced a reminder "You are Not Of This World!" as a flash-back to the experience from the day before. It
definitely was comforting. I wish I was better... because I struggle
so much with what is THE WORLD IN MY FACE... or EAR... or
whatever.... Like the time when Jmy was pulled off the counter.
*sigh* Anyway...</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">God
is so good to me! And such an awesome planner!!! I'm so
grateful!!!!</span></span></span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-736366135418882128.post-53572357087842938352016-03-26T05:30:00.000-04:002016-03-26T05:30:33.793-04:00Saturday Soliloquy 43: How We Chose Texas
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">This
story would be more accurately entitled "How Jessie Chose
Texas," but since I accepted it, I'll share from both sides from
my perspective. One note: Jessie does often try to share the
story as how WE chose to move here, but I work hard to correct him.
He was the lead in choosing!</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">So,
you remember in the story about why we left Florida that I was
looking at various other states... primarily in the north?
Unbeknownst to me, at some point, Jessie decided that maybe we
did need to move. I'm guessing that he figured if we were going to
move, he better put his two-cents in about WHERE we were going to end
up, or we'd end up in some super cold-winter place like those I'd
been suggesting. Since he doesn't like the cold much, he would
definitely not prefer any of the places I was looking.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">One
day, when I was sharing some info about one of the states I'd been
looking at, he told me he thought we should move to Texas. Just
blurted it out. I was very surprised, but accepted it as a suggestion. So, I
started looking at Texas, out of curiosity. I decided I wouldn't
argue with him, unless I found that state to be odious to me.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">I
thought we'd move near Lubbock because Jessie's family has some
connection there. I thought mine did, too, but my Mom tells me we do
not. So, I was looking for land in that area and began to look at
the laws of the state.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">The
issues MOST important to me: homebirth (including birthing multiples
at home and birthing untraditional presentation, like breech, at
home), homeschooling, and building codes. Come to find out: Texas is
awesome for homebirthing, homeschooling, AND alternative building!
It is legal to homebirth multiples at home. It is legal to birth
breech at home. Homeschooling is even easier in Texas than Florida.
And, although there are building codes, if you are building in an
area that is not incorporated, it is illegal for anyone to come to
inspect for those building codes! Those three points sealed the deal
for me. I looked for land with focus and determination.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">And
then Jessie informed me that he thought we should move to East
Texas. I asked him if he had an idea of where, since I hadn't asked
the first time I heard about Texas and had poorly spent time looking
somewhere he wasn't interested in. He told me he thought somewhere
east of Dallas, maybe around Tyler. So, I started looking there.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">Interestingly, I found recently (in December 2015), that Jessie has a relation buried in Tyler. Maybe that's why he was so interested in that particular city. </span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">When
I asked him why he thought we should go there, he showed me a satellite view of Texas. He pointed out how there was almost a line
from south to north where the land became more green toward the east.
He said he figured it would be better to be somewhere that was green
since we wanted to grow stuff.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0.14in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="en">And
that's how we chose to look for our homeplace in East Texas!</span></span></span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">© 2008-2012 Tori Gollihugh All Rights Reserved
Satnam and Namaste</div>Torihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11901588112351881534noreply@blogger.com0