Midwife Visit and Stuff Related

This morning was good.  Woke up nice and early for my walk, showered (it's even sweat-inducingly warm by 630am when i was finishing up my walk!), meditated, read my scriptures and ate some peanuts and raisins, and spent some time writing in my journal.  My midwife arrived.  We are now at weekly appointments.

The baby's heartrate was 140.  Normal.  Awesome.  My blood pressure was 118/72.  Good.  My fundal height measured 1 week more than last week.  Good.

All is well.  :)  Baby moves regularly.  We're gearnig up for the birth!  How?

Well, i've completed my goal of preparing 14 days worth of snacks (that's 2 snacks each day, by the way).  My goal of having 14 main courses prepared prior to the baby's arrival is short by only 4 meals.  Pretty great, right?  And i DO have a plan for those meals... at least 3 of them.  :)  So, i'm feeling pretty pleased with myself.

The rest of my "Before Baby Arrives Goal List" is sorely lacking in accomplishment.  But most of the items on it are not integral or even terribly important to baby's arrival.  Just things i WANTED to accomplish.  The main one that sorta had to do with baby (and the biggest that were/are directly related) is already done.  That goal had to do with excess clothing in the house.  It did feel good to get the items i'd put aside a long time ago washed, sorted, and OUT (though i did retain a few items in SMALL sizes... few is REALLY the operative word there).

The only thing i MUST accomplish before baby's arrival now is to relocate the clothes and blankets i expect to use for this one (probably some of the neutral colors as well as a few in "girl" and "boy" colors since we won't know which we have until the birth).  Those items DO need to be washed and i will have to find a home for them.  That last bit should be the most interesting of all aspects of the job pertaining to those things!  ^_^  It'll be fine.

I sure am getting excited!  This is the first time i've been able to look forward to a birth this way.  What's the difference?  i'm not getting stuck at the labor!!!  ^_^  Why?  Well... i think it is a many-faceted jewel of a difference in me, honestly.  For instance, i'm walking right around 2.31 miles every morning as well as doing "kimchi" DEEP squats.  i walk and do squats 6 days per week.  As a result, i feel very strong in my body and greater peace, generally.  The peace (and ability to feel it regularly if not constantly) is due, at least in large part, to the time i spend praying and listening to uplifting talks during my walks, which walking requires right around 1 hour every morning.  (Today was 65 minutes.)  i do think the Bach Remedies i use are enabling my brain to access the Peace always  available to us through Christ much more constantly.

Bach Flower Remedies are most definitely a facet in the jewel of my anticipating this birth.  THAT is a huge one, i think!  If i had to say which of the remedies are making the biggest impact, i'd have to say: Olive, Aspen (which has been particularly helpful regarding fears), as well as Hornbeam and White Chestnut.  Many days i use a total of 7 remedies, but i've been trying to use fewer the last couple days.  Just felt like i should....

Meditation is, of course, yet another facet.  If you haven't tried it, i HIGHLY recommend doing a little reading/watching and making a 40 day commitment.  If 40 days is too much, try 7.  In my opinion, 40 days is THE best minimum to try... but doing even as little as 7 could show you the value.  As for me, i started with a 40 day test this time around.  (A long time ago, when i was 25, i practiced some guided imagery meditation and loved it, but scared myself out of doing it.  But that's another story! ^_^)  The test, which i honestly didn't think i'd be able to completely, went wonderfully well.  Apparently the differences i felt were not very apparent to those around me, but i felt them so much that i kept going even though there was a good deal of opposition.  i'm super glad as i'm now approaching my 1 year anniversary!  ^_^

Currently, i'm practicing Kundalini Yoga.  It's nothing like the yoga that is commonly understood when that word is used.  In my opinion, it's MUCH better... though not usually/always as physically demanding.  If you do a search right here in my blog, you'll readily find a few posts that include the meditations i do regularly... except for the most recent addition (i started a new 40 day challenge), which i'll write about soonish.

Finally, but in no way meant as the least of these, is my effort to eat very well.  Organic produce is the majority of our food supply currently.  Hopefully, some of that will come from my garden very soon.  (So far it has been very little in the form of some greens.  Definitely grateful, but hoping for a good bit more.)  Juicing is also a big effort.  As i progress in this pregnancy it becomes increasingly difficult to juice regularly due to physical fatigue, but i still try to do it every couple days!

There is surely more, i just cannot think any more on this subject.  My mind is ready for sleep, but i have hours yet to go before i may.

Namaste!

Thoughts

Thursday night was nice. It was good to have Jess home. However, I didn't go on a walk at all, much less alone. The weather was iffy, but had he been at work, I would have totally gone. I guess I just wanted to be around my hubbie!

He made a great dinner. THAT was sooo nice. I miss his cooking almost as much as I miss HIM during the week!! ;)

For the last 5 weeks now I've been walking a minimum of 5 days a week and trying to make it 6. It seems that adding that one extra day just doesn't work. It certainly hasn't yet! The reason for not being able to walk the 6th day is not the same each week, but still it doesn't work out! So, I'm changing my goal. I'm sticking with walking 5 days each week, since that totally works (even if it is a bit difficult sometimes). But now I'm going to walk a minimum of 80 minutes. I figure that after walking 80 minutes each day I'll have accumulated more than the 60 I normally do as my minimum for EACH day! I've been walking 70+ minutes each day this week, so it only makes sense to raise the bar in a way that is tangible. ^_^ I'm excited to work toward this new goal.

Oh, I'm also still trying to walk the bridge 3 days each week and then do intervals on the other 2 days. The intervals are quite challenging, though, and I may alternate weeks. Like, one week do 3 interval days and 2 bridge days and vice versa. Definitely a worthy challenge since I want to strive for more challenging intervals. Right now I warm up for 5 minutes at an easy pace, *push it for 15 seconds, easy/moderate (depending on my energy level of the day) for 60 seconds*, and repeat between *s until I reach 30-40 minutes (also dependent upon energy level AND shin splint pain).

I'm excited to report that I'm beginning to feel a deep love of being a Mama. I think I've been an all right Mom for the last 5 years (counting Ria's gestation). But the whole role has been daunting and extremely overwhleming for me. (I realize both of those words have nearly the same meaning, but the feeling each conveys is just different enough that I felt I needed them both!) I think that these negative feelings have had a great deal to do with my responsibility issues... I feel responsibility keenly and it tends to overshadow enjoyment (in general, but it especially has in Motherhood).

I know I've mentioned Sage before. Well, I feel like she has really made a dramatic impact in my life and perceptions of things since I moved here, but especially since I've been lucky enough to get to know her. She is an AMAZING Mom! She loves being a Mom and cherishes ALL of her children without seeming overwhelmed by the responsibility of taking care of them.

When I was in the in-between ages (in between young and the full-on teens) I wasn't sure my Mom liked me very much. I could tell she liked AND loved her babies and I knew she LOVED me, but I didn't feel very well LIKED. I also don't remember my Mom being happy very often. My Mom is amazing and wonderful and she did a really great job raising 6 children. I remember once telling my Mom that I didn't want to have the frowny wrinkles that she had; that I wanted to be a happy Mom. Well, I haven't been.

The majority of my memories of my Mom and feelings surrounding all that I've just described come from when I was around 10/11/12 because the long-term stuff is pretty much shot full of GAPING holes. I want to specifically mention this fact because I'm sure there are lots of wonderful things and happy moments that I don't and cannot remember!

Anyway... I've seen myself doing what I remember... and not being pleased about it, but then feeling sort of hopeless about changing because I haven't known HOW to change... what to do... how to change my thinking... it was just very... ... ... .... Well, I don't know how to describe how I felt about myself and my inability to change, really. The point is that about 2 weeks ago Heavenly Father blessed me with a sort of blanket KNOWING gift of inspiration! I realized that to stop the way things were going between Ria and me and to become a "Happy Mom" I just had to DO IT. (Nike... and one of our past prophets!) Anyway... with the support of our Father in Heaven I haven't yelled at Ria since then. I've purposefully lowered my voice, even to a whisper, when I have felt frustrations about which I needed to speak to her. I've stopped before speaking so that I could let go of the annoyance before I said a word (HUGE for me!!!) and then spoken to her with no emotion in my words/reaction. I've been even MORE consistent than I was before (and I really felt this was a pretty strong attribute). Missing Story Time was a huge step for me as far as the whole "Say what you mean, mean what you say" thing goes. I've always known that saying and really abided by it pretty well, but when it came to library visits, I would not really follow through reliably because I was afraid of turning Ria off of books/reading/libaries. Well, I figured, last week, that our relationship and ability to relate was more important that all that! So, we missed Story Time because Ria's behavior was not fit for departure from our home.

My poor Ria hasn't known what to do with all this. I understand that when we strive to change the "Universe" revolts. Ria, as part of that universe, has definitely revolted. She has tested more and harder in the last 2 weeks than ever before in her life. She has thrown more "monkey-actin" temper tantrums than I care to remember. She has spent lots of time in her room for back-talking and other bits (and BIGs) of disobediences. And it seems like she's been a lot more of these things with her Daddy than normal as well! I think the reason for this last part is that she couldn't get a reaction from me, but he was still susceptible. He was still reacting the old way and that's the way she's become accustomed to, so it was comfy... so she pushed for it.

Last night I had a talk with Jess and Ria (seperately) about all this. I appologized to Ria for being the kind of Mama I used to be and told her I'm really REALLY trying to change and that Daddy is going to do the same now that I've talked to him about it. She will probably still push... she's a part of the universe. But, with the Lord's help, I think we're moving toward being a new kind of family. And I'm so very excited about it!!!

Tonight I was lying in bed (helpin Kat to fall asleep) and I just felt this overwhelming feeling of something that I can only define as "joy of motherhood." This is a feeling I've only rarely had before. But I'm sure, as we continue to grow and improve, I'm going to have this feeling LOTS more often BECAUSE I'm determined to LOVE being a Mama. And I'm also determined to be a mostly "happy Mom!"

I decided to share all of that because I hope that someone else might gain some hope from my experiences! Life can be so heavy sometimes... but if we can see someone else sort of bearing up under the weight, then it can help us to feel stronger too! At least, that's how I feel!! This is exactly why Sage is so precious to me... I see her bearing her load in a way that seems effortless (though I know she would disagree) and feel SO motivated and inspired by her. I hope I can grow up to be almost just like her! I can't be a return missionary like her, but perhaps I can emulate the other wonderful aspects that are SAGE! ^_^