I apologized to her, just in case I wasn't actually in labor. Still, she came prepared for the real thing. That made me feel pretty good since, if I was actually in labor and progressing, it would be THE FIRST time I'd been able to go into labor spontaneously. Each of my other laboring experiences had been induced by natural methods because of the length of time the babies were "overdue."
So, Karen checked me when she arrived at 6am. I was dilated to a floppy 7 - meaning that I wasn't very far effaced, but my cervix was ready to go with and when pressure from the baby applied to it, it would be ripe and ready. I think it was another two hours and labor progressed well. Just because I was curious and wanted to know, Karen checked me. I was right about at 8cm dilated and still floppy.
Soon after Karen arrived, my friend, Heather, arrived to help with my daughters. That was probably around 6:30am or so. My time references are probably off a bit. Her arrival was none too soon cause I was getting anxious having them in my space during contractions. My labor actually paused pretty well due to their presence and my feelings of inadequacy about mothering them while laboring. But that wasn't a long pause, relatively speaking, because Heather arrived very quickly and my body picked right back up. Thus the two hours to get to an 8, but "only" two hours.
My friend, Janet, arrived soon after to help with the girls. That was probably around 7am? I'd planned for three ladies to come and help with my three girls so that the girls would each have a companion during the actual birth. "Man plans, God laughs," and yes, He did laugh at me a bit. ;)
Janet took the girls on a trip to a home store (like Lowes, maybe) to buy a piece so that the hose would be able to go from the shower to the birth tub. That was good and bad (having the girls gone). But it worked out well in the end.
We all felt pretty sure that the birth was nigh at hand - given my good and (especially relatively) fast progression during this labor. But it didn't. Sometime around noon, I think, Janet took the girls out to a park. They reappeared right when my labor seemed to pick up a bit. Provident timing, it seemed to all of us (especially me because I'd been thinking about calling to ask her to come back, but didn't cause I was working to trust the Lord's timing of things). Well, they were definitely back in plenty of time! ;) That was probably sometime between 2 and 3pm.
And my labor kept on going.
And going.
And
going.
I kept trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. What I needed to do differently. What was holding everything up. I called my Mom to apologize to her for something. I kept trying to figure out if I was mad at Jess for something and needed to overcome that, but knew that I wasn't holding anything back in that regard after some introspection. I reviewed my other relationships and found the same to be true. So, REALLY... WHAT was going on!?? I now feel confident in my understanding regarding what the hold-ups really were. They include 3 specific things. Two of those problem causers were energetic blocks, which, I believe caused a phsyical reaction in the baby, which caused labor to completely stall.
Want more? Stay tuned. :)
For Part 3
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Welcoming A Baby - Part 1
Since last Saturday night, March 5th, I've had lots of contractions. Annoying small ones, not a big enough deal to bring forth a baby, but big enough to keep a girl awake when she has to get up to pee (frequently) during the night. Then Wednesday night (the 9th) came around. The contractions that night were more than annoying. Stronger. Some closer together. AND I wasn't able to get much sleep at all. They totally DID get my hopes up about having the baby before Jess would have to go to work so that Ria would get her birthday wish of having Daddy home for the whole day of her birthday. No such luck, obviously. Thankfully, though, Jessie was home until around 1pm that day. We had cake with him before he had to leave. And Ria was quite happy with that, thankfully. The rest of the day was totally lazy for the girls and me. I did reading class with Kat and Ria did practice piano, but that's all of our "productivity" for that day!
Thursday night I had more contractions, but I slept MUCH better.
Tonight (Friday the 11th)... I went to do my night routine before actually going to sleep. As I was settling my mind to allow myself to fall asleep, a really intense contraction 'hit' and I immediately felt super hopeful and excited. That was around 10:40pm. The contractions continued pretty well - though about every 10-20 minutes apart, or so, until a few minutes before midnight. They moved to ever 7 and then ever 5 minutes apart right before midwife and they were intense enough that I called Jess at 12:14am to tell him to come home because I felt the frequency and consistency of the contractions increase so dramatically in time and intensity. He told me he would be leaving in a couple minutes. I responded, "Now. Come home now." He asked if labor had started. I told him I wasn't absolutely sure, but I needed him home, not an hour away.
When Jess got home, he promptly fell asleep. For anyone that knows Jessie, this will NOT be a surprise at all. For anyone who knows me, you may be surprised to learn that I wasn't bothered at all. I was just so very GLAD and thankfuly to have him HERE, rather than a phone call and hour's drive away! I got up from trying to sleep around 2am. I spent some time on the computer and had REALLY consistent and nicely intense contractions, until a bit after 4am. But then they started to go from every 5 minutes to every 9-10 minutes. That was frustrating and upsetting, given my history of "late" babies and natural inductions for all 3 of my girls.
The contractions did not go away. I did lie down and was able to doze between contractions from about 4am until 5am when they became intense again and closer together... More importantly, I experienced 2 episodes of uncontrollable shaking. In a couple of my labor experiences this has been a clear indication that I was approaching or IN transition. So, I called my midwife to come check me.
Find out what WE found when I write. :)
For Part 2
Thursday night I had more contractions, but I slept MUCH better.
Tonight (Friday the 11th)... I went to do my night routine before actually going to sleep. As I was settling my mind to allow myself to fall asleep, a really intense contraction 'hit' and I immediately felt super hopeful and excited. That was around 10:40pm. The contractions continued pretty well - though about every 10-20 minutes apart, or so, until a few minutes before midnight. They moved to ever 7 and then ever 5 minutes apart right before midwife and they were intense enough that I called Jess at 12:14am to tell him to come home because I felt the frequency and consistency of the contractions increase so dramatically in time and intensity. He told me he would be leaving in a couple minutes. I responded, "Now. Come home now." He asked if labor had started. I told him I wasn't absolutely sure, but I needed him home, not an hour away.
When Jess got home, he promptly fell asleep. For anyone that knows Jessie, this will NOT be a surprise at all. For anyone who knows me, you may be surprised to learn that I wasn't bothered at all. I was just so very GLAD and thankfuly to have him HERE, rather than a phone call and hour's drive away! I got up from trying to sleep around 2am. I spent some time on the computer and had REALLY consistent and nicely intense contractions, until a bit after 4am. But then they started to go from every 5 minutes to every 9-10 minutes. That was frustrating and upsetting, given my history of "late" babies and natural inductions for all 3 of my girls.
The contractions did not go away. I did lie down and was able to doze between contractions from about 4am until 5am when they became intense again and closer together... More importantly, I experienced 2 episodes of uncontrollable shaking. In a couple of my labor experiences this has been a clear indication that I was approaching or IN transition. So, I called my midwife to come check me.
Find out what WE found when I write. :)
For Part 2
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Midwife Visit Wednesday
Yes, I'm still preggie. :) I'm only two days overdue. This is nothing compared to my baby-having history!
I saw my midwife today and found out that I'm a solid 3cm dilated. Progress. It IS good to hear. My cervix is super mushy. Good. Basically, she said I just need some good contractions and I'll get ripe and ready right quick. heehee ^_^
I lost a pound these last 6 days. (Totally not trying to, of course.)
Strong baby heart tones in the 140s. Always good to know and I get to hear this good news each time I see my midwife. :)
My fundal height (measure of the size of the uterus from pubic bone to top of the same) is 38cm... which is down from 40 last week and down from 44 a few weeks ago. How FUNNY! It's all about the baby's position at this point. Nothing to worry about, folks.
Baby is still floating quite high... just like Tea did, so no news on station.
I woke up tonight at 9pm after sleeping, maybe, 1/2 an hour. SUCH a good half-hour's sleep!!! I woke up and felt totally barfy and aggitated. Really hyper, actually. Worked to calm my racing heart, and focus on not moving too much in hopes that the feeling of an impending vomit fest would go away. It did. Heart calmed. But I couldn't fall back to sleep. So, here I am. Hoping the baby is getting ready to join us in the world of air and that my body is getting ready to evict the baby in the next few hours. I really would like to give Ria the only gift she hasn't yet received, which she desires: her Daddy home for her whole birthday DAY. The only way that's happening is if we have the baby between now and when he has to leave for work around 1pm tomorrow. *sigh* It's in the Lord's hands. HE knows I would give my girl what she wants if it were entirely up to me. Just waiting on the Lord and working on completely submitting my Will to His. Such a difficult things at times like these!
I saw my midwife today and found out that I'm a solid 3cm dilated. Progress. It IS good to hear. My cervix is super mushy. Good. Basically, she said I just need some good contractions and I'll get ripe and ready right quick. heehee ^_^
I lost a pound these last 6 days. (Totally not trying to, of course.)
Strong baby heart tones in the 140s. Always good to know and I get to hear this good news each time I see my midwife. :)
My fundal height (measure of the size of the uterus from pubic bone to top of the same) is 38cm... which is down from 40 last week and down from 44 a few weeks ago. How FUNNY! It's all about the baby's position at this point. Nothing to worry about, folks.
Baby is still floating quite high... just like Tea did, so no news on station.
I woke up tonight at 9pm after sleeping, maybe, 1/2 an hour. SUCH a good half-hour's sleep!!! I woke up and felt totally barfy and aggitated. Really hyper, actually. Worked to calm my racing heart, and focus on not moving too much in hopes that the feeling of an impending vomit fest would go away. It did. Heart calmed. But I couldn't fall back to sleep. So, here I am. Hoping the baby is getting ready to join us in the world of air and that my body is getting ready to evict the baby in the next few hours. I really would like to give Ria the only gift she hasn't yet received, which she desires: her Daddy home for her whole birthday DAY. The only way that's happening is if we have the baby between now and when he has to leave for work around 1pm tomorrow. *sigh* It's in the Lord's hands. HE knows I would give my girl what she wants if it were entirely up to me. Just waiting on the Lord and working on completely submitting my Will to His. Such a difficult things at times like these!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Sourdough Stuff From My Own Starter and My Nasty-Basty PRIDE
It's amazing. I made some whole wheat sourdough bread yesterday. And it is amazing. I did start it a bit later than I should've. I honestly didn't know how long it would take to complete the three rises and baking. Well, I was up until about 2am finishing the baking of it. "/ (sheepish smile) I was also up at that time with contractions and listening to Jess once he came home from work - so it worked out just fine, really. However, I started my next batch (made with whole wheat sourdough starter and white flour - cause I'm experimenting) this morning. So, if it takes a while, it'll be a while toDAY. :) Did I mention that the bread I turned out last night is amazing? It. Is. Amazing! ^_^
In the spirit of full disclosure, my first bites of said bread were a bit hard to swallow. You see, this bread is SUCH a different flavor for me - very different from the sourdough from the grocery store. But then morning, when I had it toasted with a fried egg on top (like I've been wanting for breakfast for the past few weeks), I thought I'd gone to taste-bud heaven! Seriously! It was phenomenal!!!! Totally and completely good stuff. And then I had my once piece of toast with butter and peach jam... also divine. It was the plain buttered bread I had a hard time with. And no wonder... my Mom raised me and my sibs on homemade wheat bread. My homemade sourdough wheat bread is NOT my Mama's bread. It looks like the same thing. It's made similarly. But it is something totally different, yet equally wonderful, as far as taste and enjoyment go... but it's way MORE wonderful as far as health benefits!
Also yesterday I made some carrot and pineapple muffins/cupcakes with some more of my whole wheat sourdough starter. Talk about delish! Yes, they are! The girls each got to eat one for breakfast and were maddly in love - even Ria... who, in case I've neglected to mention it - has become the Gollihugh Family's food critic! Frustrating: often, but when something is good she's ALL about it and it IS a pleasure when I hear words of praise about good concoctions from my hardest concoction critic! ^_^ The recipe developer, Mike, also my sourdough starter and all else sourdough mentor (I've never met him, he's my mentor via his website), suggests that one should NOT leave off the frosting for these cupcakes - a butter, sugar, and cream cheese concoction. While I'm sure the muffins/cupcakes would be wonderful with the frosting, they are delightful with nothing on top at all! Yum! And Ria says so, too. ^_^
Oh, I think I'm in love with sourdough!
So... how all this energy for kitchen creating yesterday - carrying over into today? Well... a dear friend and Sister from my Ward (church group) came over unannounced and cleaned my kitchen... and played with/worked with (for homeschool) my children... and listened to me talk a little (talk, as in adult speak). It was very nice... and she was wonderful. As a result, perhaps in large part inspired by a clean kitchen to make messy (cause it's HARD for me to keep my kitchen clean) I finally set out to make the bread and muffins I'd collected recipes for (from Mike) and really been waiting (I told myself) for my sourdough starter to reach an age that the recipes would work with (over 1 week from start date and then some for acidity). Well, that day came and went and I didn't attempt either recipe, so I must admit it was the messy kitchen that dissuaded me. I'm sure of it.
You will, hopefully, be pleased to learn that I did clean up after my baking expedition of last night. So, I awakened to an orderly and neat kitchen with no dishes in the sink. Which of course, is a kitchen ripe for messying again! ^_^
I encountered a bit of a big problem yesterday with all of the morning's events. My pride. It was all kinds of in my way through the morning while my friend was here, so I was unable to experience the full pleasure of having her in my home to help where I did need help... obviously... My pride. It is an issue. I've known for a long time about this one, in particular. But I really thought I'd worked it pretty much out of my psychic/mental/emotional self. HA! Well, Christmas proved me wrong. And yesterday proved me wrong.
"Why do I need help!? What's wrong with me? I should be able to handle my stuff like all the other women around me do! Why can't I manage my own home so that my kitchen remains clutter free and clean dishes put away in cupboards? Why can't I be the woman I need to be?" All of these, and more, were thoughts that roared in my heart and mind while my dear friend served me with Christ-like Love. I did not feel any judgement from her. I felt only love and a desire to help. A pure desire to ease my burden and lighten my load. And WHAT a gift to feel emenating from her SUCH Love! The judgement was all mine. ... Or not. But it was certainly easy for me to accept the whispers of the deceiver's angels as my own thoughts. And I'm weak. Yes, I know. But these sorts of thoughts were just par for my every day course not too long ago! It's only been in and through Christ (and relatively recently, at that) - and coming to understand a LITTLE bit how He sees me and Loves me that I've been able to have a renewed mind and let go and push away those horrible whispers that the deceiver would have me believe fully and accept as my own thoughts and feelings.
My Father and His Son sent me an angel yesterday. And she worked in my home and left it lighter and brighter and fresher and cleaner! And, when I was able to push myself out of my own way... I was lighter and brighter and fresher and full of energy as a result of her spreading her love across my house... especially the kitchen... and through my family and into my heart and blessing me and my husband! ^_^ Oh, we are SO very blessed!!! Jessie prayed a few times yesterday, in thanksgiving of the sweet service with which my friend blessed our lives.
So, my pride. It's an issue. It's been an issue for me basically all my life. But it's also a choice. And even though I didn't choose the right very FIRST step... I did make a course correction. As a result of the course correction and changing from wrong thinking (listening?) to right thinking (hearing?), I am able to enjoy the fruit of the gift of service my friend bestowed upon me and mine: LOVE! I've been learning, basically since I've come back to the straight and narrow path, how MUCH a gift and blessing service is. Line upon line, of course. I learned a few years ago that when someone does a service for someone else, the bonding hormone oxytocin is released in both the server and the served (the Love hormone and bonding hormone of breastfeeding is not just about feeding the literal physical baby!!)! Additionally, when someone else sees or hears about said service, the same hormone is released in THEM! And so it goes. And God is GREAT! He loves us SO much and wants us to feel Love as He Loves... and He is always in our service - no matter whether we recognize it or not.
I've had a few experiences in which I was served by obviously loving ladies who only wanted to help me and make my way easier. I didn't (haven't yet) taken it well. My pride always gets in the way. But eventually I get out of my own way (this time much faster than in the past - YEAY... maybe I'm learning!!! ^_^) and am able to feel the result of service... and EVERY time I get out of my own way, I feel SUCH love for those who have helped me... and when, on the rare occasion, I'm able to do someone else some good... I get to experience the truth that Love grows for the person I'm able to serve when I give a good gift... I feel SUCH love for those I serve with a giving heart... and I yearn to give only good gifts to my Savior! So I strive to always give only good gifts... watching my heart and how I'm feeling as I try to serve others.
My greatest difficulty in the area of giving the best gifts is with my own family. :( It's a sad thing, I know. I'm pretty much always in their service... but my heart is NOT always right about it. I resent the mundane work, all too often. (Like dishes!) I've pretty much overcome my distaste for laundry... and I even find pleasure in that mundane and repetative task. I usually wash a load every day even if it's small just so I have that much less to do later.... It's a pleasure to have it caught up - or as nearly so as one can do with such ongoing tasks as that one is. As a result of my changed heart about laundry, I know there is hope for me to come to Peace concerning dishes... and then move to pleasure in accomplishing and maintaining a straight, orderly, and clean kitchen. And so, no matter how "good" I get, I ALWAYS have something more to work on!!! YEAY!! That means Father can't possibly take me terribly soon... cause I'm not nearly fit for His Kingdom! ;) What a sweet comfort is my trial and test. ^_^
Pregnancy News
Still preggie! One day "overdue," based on the calculations the way "man" does 'em. But, I'm totally and compeltely GOOD with giving this baby the time it needs to come forth (for the first time ever ^_^). You see, it's my tither's right, don'tcha know!!?? I pay my tithes, so I my "vine" will not drop it's "fruit" before it's time in the "field," says so in Malachi! And what a gift of Peace to my heart and mind is this Spiritual understanding of my temporal experience! ^_^ As I have reflected on my girls and how they compare to other babies (especially those born before 40 weeks gestation), my girls have ALWAYS been SO strong. They lift their heads and hold 'em in a way most newborns I've observed just cannot. They scoot in bed to nurse in the night when only hours and days old (seriously!). No one every really believes me about that, but it's the honest to goodness truth. And when a little older (a few weeks) Kat, especially, would scoot to me to nurse and then scoot to Jessie to cuddle. This is NOT a toddler. This is a newborn of only weeks outside the uterine environment! So, I'll take whatever the Lord wants to give as far as this baby's birth date.
I did have loads of contractions Saturday night. So many, in fact, that I didn't sleep much AT ALL. I didn't go to church Sunday, as a result. Rest assured I made that call with difficulty and under guidance from above. I knew it would be so very hard for Ria, especially, to NOT get to go to church. So, I knew I had to be able to tell her truly that Father wanted us to stay home. And He did. So we did.
Sunday night I had lots more contractions, but not so strong as to keep me awake every time I went to the bathroom (as had been the case Saturday night). And last night I had a few, but totally fell alseep and slept really hard all through the hours of dark that I was able to sleep (only 1 bathroom waking!). So, it seems for sure that my body is gearing up to the big event.
Wednesday I have a midwife appointment. Definitely update'cha if there's anything to share. :)
Till then,
tori
In the spirit of full disclosure, my first bites of said bread were a bit hard to swallow. You see, this bread is SUCH a different flavor for me - very different from the sourdough from the grocery store. But then morning, when I had it toasted with a fried egg on top (like I've been wanting for breakfast for the past few weeks), I thought I'd gone to taste-bud heaven! Seriously! It was phenomenal!!!! Totally and completely good stuff. And then I had my once piece of toast with butter and peach jam... also divine. It was the plain buttered bread I had a hard time with. And no wonder... my Mom raised me and my sibs on homemade wheat bread. My homemade sourdough wheat bread is NOT my Mama's bread. It looks like the same thing. It's made similarly. But it is something totally different, yet equally wonderful, as far as taste and enjoyment go... but it's way MORE wonderful as far as health benefits!
Also yesterday I made some carrot and pineapple muffins/cupcakes with some more of my whole wheat sourdough starter. Talk about delish! Yes, they are! The girls each got to eat one for breakfast and were maddly in love - even Ria... who, in case I've neglected to mention it - has become the Gollihugh Family's food critic! Frustrating: often, but when something is good she's ALL about it and it IS a pleasure when I hear words of praise about good concoctions from my hardest concoction critic! ^_^ The recipe developer, Mike, also my sourdough starter and all else sourdough mentor (I've never met him, he's my mentor via his website), suggests that one should NOT leave off the frosting for these cupcakes - a butter, sugar, and cream cheese concoction. While I'm sure the muffins/cupcakes would be wonderful with the frosting, they are delightful with nothing on top at all! Yum! And Ria says so, too. ^_^
Oh, I think I'm in love with sourdough!
So... how all this energy for kitchen creating yesterday - carrying over into today? Well... a dear friend and Sister from my Ward (church group) came over unannounced and cleaned my kitchen... and played with/worked with (for homeschool) my children... and listened to me talk a little (talk, as in adult speak). It was very nice... and she was wonderful. As a result, perhaps in large part inspired by a clean kitchen to make messy (cause it's HARD for me to keep my kitchen clean) I finally set out to make the bread and muffins I'd collected recipes for (from Mike) and really been waiting (I told myself) for my sourdough starter to reach an age that the recipes would work with (over 1 week from start date and then some for acidity). Well, that day came and went and I didn't attempt either recipe, so I must admit it was the messy kitchen that dissuaded me. I'm sure of it.
You will, hopefully, be pleased to learn that I did clean up after my baking expedition of last night. So, I awakened to an orderly and neat kitchen with no dishes in the sink. Which of course, is a kitchen ripe for messying again! ^_^
I encountered a bit of a big problem yesterday with all of the morning's events. My pride. It was all kinds of in my way through the morning while my friend was here, so I was unable to experience the full pleasure of having her in my home to help where I did need help... obviously... My pride. It is an issue. I've known for a long time about this one, in particular. But I really thought I'd worked it pretty much out of my psychic/mental/emotional self. HA! Well, Christmas proved me wrong. And yesterday proved me wrong.
"Why do I need help!? What's wrong with me? I should be able to handle my stuff like all the other women around me do! Why can't I manage my own home so that my kitchen remains clutter free and clean dishes put away in cupboards? Why can't I be the woman I need to be?" All of these, and more, were thoughts that roared in my heart and mind while my dear friend served me with Christ-like Love. I did not feel any judgement from her. I felt only love and a desire to help. A pure desire to ease my burden and lighten my load. And WHAT a gift to feel emenating from her SUCH Love! The judgement was all mine. ... Or not. But it was certainly easy for me to accept the whispers of the deceiver's angels as my own thoughts. And I'm weak. Yes, I know. But these sorts of thoughts were just par for my every day course not too long ago! It's only been in and through Christ (and relatively recently, at that) - and coming to understand a LITTLE bit how He sees me and Loves me that I've been able to have a renewed mind and let go and push away those horrible whispers that the deceiver would have me believe fully and accept as my own thoughts and feelings.
My Father and His Son sent me an angel yesterday. And she worked in my home and left it lighter and brighter and fresher and cleaner! And, when I was able to push myself out of my own way... I was lighter and brighter and fresher and full of energy as a result of her spreading her love across my house... especially the kitchen... and through my family and into my heart and blessing me and my husband! ^_^ Oh, we are SO very blessed!!! Jessie prayed a few times yesterday, in thanksgiving of the sweet service with which my friend blessed our lives.
So, my pride. It's an issue. It's been an issue for me basically all my life. But it's also a choice. And even though I didn't choose the right very FIRST step... I did make a course correction. As a result of the course correction and changing from wrong thinking (listening?) to right thinking (hearing?), I am able to enjoy the fruit of the gift of service my friend bestowed upon me and mine: LOVE! I've been learning, basically since I've come back to the straight and narrow path, how MUCH a gift and blessing service is. Line upon line, of course. I learned a few years ago that when someone does a service for someone else, the bonding hormone oxytocin is released in both the server and the served (the Love hormone and bonding hormone of breastfeeding is not just about feeding the literal physical baby!!)! Additionally, when someone else sees or hears about said service, the same hormone is released in THEM! And so it goes. And God is GREAT! He loves us SO much and wants us to feel Love as He Loves... and He is always in our service - no matter whether we recognize it or not.
I've had a few experiences in which I was served by obviously loving ladies who only wanted to help me and make my way easier. I didn't (haven't yet) taken it well. My pride always gets in the way. But eventually I get out of my own way (this time much faster than in the past - YEAY... maybe I'm learning!!! ^_^) and am able to feel the result of service... and EVERY time I get out of my own way, I feel SUCH love for those who have helped me... and when, on the rare occasion, I'm able to do someone else some good... I get to experience the truth that Love grows for the person I'm able to serve when I give a good gift... I feel SUCH love for those I serve with a giving heart... and I yearn to give only good gifts to my Savior! So I strive to always give only good gifts... watching my heart and how I'm feeling as I try to serve others.
My greatest difficulty in the area of giving the best gifts is with my own family. :( It's a sad thing, I know. I'm pretty much always in their service... but my heart is NOT always right about it. I resent the mundane work, all too often. (Like dishes!) I've pretty much overcome my distaste for laundry... and I even find pleasure in that mundane and repetative task. I usually wash a load every day even if it's small just so I have that much less to do later.... It's a pleasure to have it caught up - or as nearly so as one can do with such ongoing tasks as that one is. As a result of my changed heart about laundry, I know there is hope for me to come to Peace concerning dishes... and then move to pleasure in accomplishing and maintaining a straight, orderly, and clean kitchen. And so, no matter how "good" I get, I ALWAYS have something more to work on!!! YEAY!! That means Father can't possibly take me terribly soon... cause I'm not nearly fit for His Kingdom! ;) What a sweet comfort is my trial and test. ^_^
Pregnancy News
Still preggie! One day "overdue," based on the calculations the way "man" does 'em. But, I'm totally and compeltely GOOD with giving this baby the time it needs to come forth (for the first time ever ^_^). You see, it's my tither's right, don'tcha know!!?? I pay my tithes, so I my "vine" will not drop it's "fruit" before it's time in the "field," says so in Malachi! And what a gift of Peace to my heart and mind is this Spiritual understanding of my temporal experience! ^_^ As I have reflected on my girls and how they compare to other babies (especially those born before 40 weeks gestation), my girls have ALWAYS been SO strong. They lift their heads and hold 'em in a way most newborns I've observed just cannot. They scoot in bed to nurse in the night when only hours and days old (seriously!). No one every really believes me about that, but it's the honest to goodness truth. And when a little older (a few weeks) Kat, especially, would scoot to me to nurse and then scoot to Jessie to cuddle. This is NOT a toddler. This is a newborn of only weeks outside the uterine environment! So, I'll take whatever the Lord wants to give as far as this baby's birth date.
I did have loads of contractions Saturday night. So many, in fact, that I didn't sleep much AT ALL. I didn't go to church Sunday, as a result. Rest assured I made that call with difficulty and under guidance from above. I knew it would be so very hard for Ria, especially, to NOT get to go to church. So, I knew I had to be able to tell her truly that Father wanted us to stay home. And He did. So we did.
Sunday night I had lots more contractions, but not so strong as to keep me awake every time I went to the bathroom (as had been the case Saturday night). And last night I had a few, but totally fell alseep and slept really hard all through the hours of dark that I was able to sleep (only 1 bathroom waking!). So, it seems for sure that my body is gearing up to the big event.
Wednesday I have a midwife appointment. Definitely update'cha if there's anything to share. :)
Till then,
tori
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Cock's Crow
Did you know that Cock's Crow is an actual time during the night? I've definitely learned it IS. Jess thought we just had crazy roosters until he learned, through a radio program, that cock's crow is from about 4:30am until sunrise. So, our roosters are mostly normal because they generally do start constant crowing around 4:30am. Of course, there are the extra frustrating mornings when they start around 2:30am. And the NICE mornings that they don't crow for a first go until around 6am. But they are definitely normal. (Oh, and roosters crow all day long... not just during "cock's crow"!!!)
This winter it hasn't been so bad. The window have been closed, so that bit of glass muffled the crowing a bit. And with three roos, we need all the muffling we can get.
Well, it's spring. And with hotter-than-I-like days, still not being able to use AC, the house has been getting rather warm. Uncomfortably warm for this heavy preggie girl! But the nights are still cool. Cool enough to cool the house down NICELY if we can leave a couple key windows/doors open. One key area to keep open (and to help me sleep better!) is the window right above my head.
I recently evicted two of the roosters from the chicken tractor. The darn boy birds don't take NO for an answer and my poor hens still have featherless patches on their backs cause there were too many roosters in the tractor with them! Ria was particularly worried about the boys birds because they are no longer protected. I had to turn her attention to concern for our egg layers. The boys are basically unproductive food eaters! Since the explanation that the boys just wanted too much sex and didn't do anything that was really helpful and, in fact, were hurting our productive hens, she's not as actively worried about them.
A negative effect of the release of the roos is that one of them (of course the one I like least) decided to roost on the power box right above my bedroom window!!! The one I'm leaving open out of necessity now! ARGGHHHH!!! Talk about a frustrating morning or three as I came to realize where he'd chosen to sleep. So, now I have to remember to get outside after dark to move him. He doesn't do well with me just trying to chase him away from his favorite spot, so I've learned that I have to grab him by the legs, hang him upside down (so he doesn't bite me, which he HAS done) and drop him in a box, making sure to cover the top with something heavy enough that he cannot dump himself out of it. *sigh*
Just for the record, I was actually going to suffer through the early rooster rowdiness right at my head because I've been unsuccessful in finding homes for the boy birds I don't want/need and I'm unabl to butcher them myself. It's my fault, not theirs. But then Jess started this new job (just this past Monday!). He's able to get, tops, 8 hours sleep when he gets home. Given his detox efforts (to quit smoking), he really does need more sleep than that.... He's worked from 9am to 11pm Monday through Thursday and I think yesterday until the end of bike week the restaurant will remain open until midnight.... In addition, he has about an hour's drive each way. The 8 hours' sleep would only be possible IF he were able to take a super quick shower immediately upon returning home. And IF he didn't speak to me about his day before going to sleep. And IF we skipped couple's prayer and Bible reading. And IF he was able to fall asleep right away. (Ok, so that last one probably would NOT be a problem for Jess, ever, but still.) As it is he's not able to take terribly long showers (longer would relax him more and help him calm down/unwind), we don't get to talk very long (and if I talk it's very little so that he has more time to process through his day as I listen), our couple's prayers are rather short, we're basically reading only a verse or a couple in the Bible, and Jess IS falling asleep super fast when he fully lays his head down on his pillow.
So, when, one morning this week, Jess woke around 4am because of the crowing and moved to the couch out of frustration with the rooster rowdiness (they mostly take turns crowing, so instead of one nice crow we get a few hours of almost constant noise), I decided that I would do something to preserve my husband's sleep the next morning. I forgot to do anything about it that night, though. So, 5am rolled around and the crowing woke me up, but Jess was still sleeping. So, I dashed outside and chased the most obnoxious noise maker away from his roost (the one right above our heads). He was totally going to try to get back there until I chased him away again. Since then I've been striving to stick him in the box I described earlier. He doesn't like it. But the morning is significantly quieter without him at our heads. Jess hasn't been awakened and unable to fall back asleep again, as yet. I would know if he was cause I'm awakened and not able to fully sleep again most mornings!
Pregnancy News
On Thursday, my more recent appointment, my blood pressure was better than ever (and mine is usually SUPER good), I'm NOT spilling any protein, I'd only gained 2 pounds in a month (compared to 7 pounds in one week a couple months ago!), I was about 2cm dilated (which is one more than the last time), and 80% effaced (which is 10% more than the last time). So, these night waking contractions as well as those at other times are doing something. YEAY! :) The more before labor, the better!
Comparing with past pregnancies
With my three daughters to date my blood pressure has always been good. I've usually been spiling more and more protein at each visit for the month before the baby is born. I've never gained any weight before. In fact, I've lost 7 pounds during the course of EACH pregnancy previously. I've usually been walking 3cm dilated for about 2-3 weeks before my due date. AND I've usually been about 50% effaced for most/all of that time. I don't think I've ever been 80% effaced before entering active labor. So, this time is definitely different. They all are, of course, but this one is the more different from the others by a long shot. Perhaps I'm just becoming more of a regular woman!? :) Who knows. (I know who knows! ^_^)
This winter it hasn't been so bad. The window have been closed, so that bit of glass muffled the crowing a bit. And with three roos, we need all the muffling we can get.
Well, it's spring. And with hotter-than-I-like days, still not being able to use AC, the house has been getting rather warm. Uncomfortably warm for this heavy preggie girl! But the nights are still cool. Cool enough to cool the house down NICELY if we can leave a couple key windows/doors open. One key area to keep open (and to help me sleep better!) is the window right above my head.
I recently evicted two of the roosters from the chicken tractor. The darn boy birds don't take NO for an answer and my poor hens still have featherless patches on their backs cause there were too many roosters in the tractor with them! Ria was particularly worried about the boys birds because they are no longer protected. I had to turn her attention to concern for our egg layers. The boys are basically unproductive food eaters! Since the explanation that the boys just wanted too much sex and didn't do anything that was really helpful and, in fact, were hurting our productive hens, she's not as actively worried about them.
A negative effect of the release of the roos is that one of them (of course the one I like least) decided to roost on the power box right above my bedroom window!!! The one I'm leaving open out of necessity now! ARGGHHHH!!! Talk about a frustrating morning or three as I came to realize where he'd chosen to sleep. So, now I have to remember to get outside after dark to move him. He doesn't do well with me just trying to chase him away from his favorite spot, so I've learned that I have to grab him by the legs, hang him upside down (so he doesn't bite me, which he HAS done) and drop him in a box, making sure to cover the top with something heavy enough that he cannot dump himself out of it. *sigh*
Just for the record, I was actually going to suffer through the early rooster rowdiness right at my head because I've been unsuccessful in finding homes for the boy birds I don't want/need and I'm unabl to butcher them myself. It's my fault, not theirs. But then Jess started this new job (just this past Monday!). He's able to get, tops, 8 hours sleep when he gets home. Given his detox efforts (to quit smoking), he really does need more sleep than that.... He's worked from 9am to 11pm Monday through Thursday and I think yesterday until the end of bike week the restaurant will remain open until midnight.... In addition, he has about an hour's drive each way. The 8 hours' sleep would only be possible IF he were able to take a super quick shower immediately upon returning home. And IF he didn't speak to me about his day before going to sleep. And IF we skipped couple's prayer and Bible reading. And IF he was able to fall asleep right away. (Ok, so that last one probably would NOT be a problem for Jess, ever, but still.) As it is he's not able to take terribly long showers (longer would relax him more and help him calm down/unwind), we don't get to talk very long (and if I talk it's very little so that he has more time to process through his day as I listen), our couple's prayers are rather short, we're basically reading only a verse or a couple in the Bible, and Jess IS falling asleep super fast when he fully lays his head down on his pillow.
So, when, one morning this week, Jess woke around 4am because of the crowing and moved to the couch out of frustration with the rooster rowdiness (they mostly take turns crowing, so instead of one nice crow we get a few hours of almost constant noise), I decided that I would do something to preserve my husband's sleep the next morning. I forgot to do anything about it that night, though. So, 5am rolled around and the crowing woke me up, but Jess was still sleeping. So, I dashed outside and chased the most obnoxious noise maker away from his roost (the one right above our heads). He was totally going to try to get back there until I chased him away again. Since then I've been striving to stick him in the box I described earlier. He doesn't like it. But the morning is significantly quieter without him at our heads. Jess hasn't been awakened and unable to fall back asleep again, as yet. I would know if he was cause I'm awakened and not able to fully sleep again most mornings!
Pregnancy News
On Thursday, my more recent appointment, my blood pressure was better than ever (and mine is usually SUPER good), I'm NOT spilling any protein, I'd only gained 2 pounds in a month (compared to 7 pounds in one week a couple months ago!), I was about 2cm dilated (which is one more than the last time), and 80% effaced (which is 10% more than the last time). So, these night waking contractions as well as those at other times are doing something. YEAY! :) The more before labor, the better!
Comparing with past pregnancies
With my three daughters to date my blood pressure has always been good. I've usually been spiling more and more protein at each visit for the month before the baby is born. I've never gained any weight before. In fact, I've lost 7 pounds during the course of EACH pregnancy previously. I've usually been walking 3cm dilated for about 2-3 weeks before my due date. AND I've usually been about 50% effaced for most/all of that time. I don't think I've ever been 80% effaced before entering active labor. So, this time is definitely different. They all are, of course, but this one is the more different from the others by a long shot. Perhaps I'm just becoming more of a regular woman!? :) Who knows. (I know who knows! ^_^)
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Currently and Some News
Officially, it is annoying when people ask if I'm still preggie... or "Haven't you had that baby yet?" I'm sorry, but it is annoying. I'm not even 40 weeks along! Seriously. I can't help the fact that I'm still preggie - unless I want to put my baby in danger. Castor oil is as likely to give the baby the poops as me, and NO, I do NOT want my baby living in meconium before s/he is born no matter how my midwife tells me she's birthed healthy babies that did! (Just as a note, she has NOT encouraged me to take Castor Oil lately or ever and I only know this bit about her experience with birthing babies who lived in it because of some anecdotal info she shared with me when I was really overdue with Tea. She has, in fact, dissuaded me from such "starting labor" efforts in the past and I'm sure she would/will again.) So, I'm not going to do anything to put my baby in harm's way. If harm is meant to happen, it will happen withOUT MY help. And our constant prayer is that all will be WELL and that the Angels sent to help us along will bear us up lest we dash our toes on rocks in our path. So, we are expecting all to occur in due course with a joyful outcome.
I've honestly wanted to have this baby since February 14th (and really thought I would!) and it's not here, so YES, I'm tired. Basically, that's to be expected at the end of pregnancy, but knowing that I have (given history) at least until March 18th to be preggie... it IS annoying to be asked if I am "still" preggie. Sorry! I honestly cannot help it. It seems obvious to me that this is one of the down sides to having a 35-37 day cycle.... Carrying babies beyond the Doc's or Midwife's set "due date" seems to be basically the only down side I can think of... unless one is anxious to get preggie and then 35-37 days to wait between tries might be annoying, but I've been at peace concerning when conception would occur since the first time - when I was overly anxious and wanted to get preggie when I wanted to get preggie.
On the up side, there are months, when in normal cycling (out past post-partum amenorhea), that I don't have to HAVE a cycle cause it only comes every 35-37 days. I like that. Given the cramps I must endure just to bleed... it's NICE to NOT have them come more frequently than they do! So, we take the "good" with the "bad" and keep on plugging along, right? Well, seems to me that's about all there is to do!
And right here and now, the above is just me venting... cause it IS frustrating. But I'll take it. Cause the baby IS moving and I am well. ^_^
Anyway... GOD knows what this baby needs and I'm absolutely sure that the baby will come in The Lord's due time no matter what my preference is! So, I will Wait On and Trust In the Lord.
In other news:
Jess had a blast working a party last night as service. He boiled and grilled, served and ate. And just had a good time. The girls and I did, too. It was our Ward's Blue and Gold Banquet for the Cub Scouts (which was also a Ward Social) and turned out REALLY well. It was fun to watch Jess in one of his elements. He really DOES enjoy working with food AND people!
Ria is currently either very difficult or an angel. I have nothing more to add about that right now. Can you guess which end of the pendulum she's dangling at right now?
Kat has a little shadow named Tea. Tea has been Ria's shadow frequently, too, but lately she's been settling most often in the footsteps of Kat. I'm not sure how much I like or dislike this. I'm SO glad my girls have such awesome playmates, though. What a gift to have multiple same gender sibs! I didn't have such a blessing and it's lovely to watch and enjoy now as a Mama.
Tea (rhymes with Ria) plays piano every day. She'll play for a moment and then pause to say, "Sound petty, Mama?" She is ADORABLE. Well, until the end of the day during which time I'm trying to make dinner, inevitably... and she starts the constant fussing. She still really NEEDS a nap, but if she GETS one she's up way too late at night, so I don't push them. She's ready for bed by about 6:45pm with an hour or more of constant fussing before that. *sigh* YES, it IS frustrating! She's generally such a happy girl....
I'm just tired. Not a good time to post, perhaps, but this is me. It's part of me, just like the optimism and efforts to remain in Peace moving ever toward Joy and trying to remain in Light! I have bad days just like anyone else. Today I woke up with a headache... so it's definitely not THE brightest day I've had lately.
We did get to go to the temple yesterday. ^_^ It was our February temple trip as a family and was REALLY nice. I couldn't find my temple bag, for which the Lord had been preparing me for at least a few days before... I'd heard whispers in the days leading up to our temple day (the last chance for February!) that went along these lines: "It's super important to simply get your girls to the temple," and, "Just make sure you GO to the temple for the consistency, your girls so WANT to be there, keep them in that desire," and, "It isn't always necessary that you go in to work, but sometimes it's just important to GET there together, to reaffirm that just BEing at the temple is precious, special and valuable." So, even though I couldn't find my temple bag (with recommend in it), we went to the temple. And then, after using the toilets inside (which is part of our routine to get the girls IN the temple), we went to one of their favorite stops - a playground park. Our yesterday morning time together after we left the temple is like the ones Jess makes with the girls while I'm working in the temple. And it was really NICE! What a WONDERFUL morning for an hour at a playground!
I was just telling a friend, last night, about these sorts of trips. You see, Jess tells me all about their escapades and adventures of an hour or two in duration which occur when I'm in the temple working. He tells me about what they do, what they see, if they talk to anyone, if they avoid anyone (which they sometimes do when they are on secret missions ^_^)... basically everything, it seems like. And I've had this feeling that it's SO super enjoyable to be with Jessie - especially when he's focused on being OUT with the girls in the way he is when I'm in the temple. Having a GOOD time with them.
And then I got to go to some of their places when my Mom came to visit back in October. Now, one of the places we visited was one Jess told me a LOT about previously. He'd described to me how amazing it was to watch these hordes of wasps gathering mud and how they would fly right by your face - totally uninterested in the huge human they passed - yet so close Jess could see how the legs were all working together to hold the mud as the little beast flew. His descriptions were just magical! I was sure there were sparkles in the air around my girls as they observed these things with their Daddy... there certainly were sparkling motes floating in my mind's eye over and through everything I saw from his description! :) And then I got to go and see these things for myself. As a result, I came to realize something really amazing and wonderful: the things Jessie observed with and did for/with our girls were not all that magical in and of themselves... the magic is in my Jessie! HE is the reason these things are so amazing... HIS eye and HIS perception of the world around him is just BEAUTIFUL! And WHAT a gift to see these normal and even boring sorts of things for myself... to see how normal and boring they appear to me, yet to know how magical they are TO me and - even more importantly, to my girls, BECAUSE they get to see and experience it/them with their Daddy with the Magic Eyes! Oh, WHAT a man! :)
That's us for now. Hope to hear from you!
tori
I've honestly wanted to have this baby since February 14th (and really thought I would!) and it's not here, so YES, I'm tired. Basically, that's to be expected at the end of pregnancy, but knowing that I have (given history) at least until March 18th to be preggie... it IS annoying to be asked if I am "still" preggie. Sorry! I honestly cannot help it. It seems obvious to me that this is one of the down sides to having a 35-37 day cycle.... Carrying babies beyond the Doc's or Midwife's set "due date" seems to be basically the only down side I can think of... unless one is anxious to get preggie and then 35-37 days to wait between tries might be annoying, but I've been at peace concerning when conception would occur since the first time - when I was overly anxious and wanted to get preggie when I wanted to get preggie.
On the up side, there are months, when in normal cycling (out past post-partum amenorhea), that I don't have to HAVE a cycle cause it only comes every 35-37 days. I like that. Given the cramps I must endure just to bleed... it's NICE to NOT have them come more frequently than they do! So, we take the "good" with the "bad" and keep on plugging along, right? Well, seems to me that's about all there is to do!
And right here and now, the above is just me venting... cause it IS frustrating. But I'll take it. Cause the baby IS moving and I am well. ^_^
Anyway... GOD knows what this baby needs and I'm absolutely sure that the baby will come in The Lord's due time no matter what my preference is! So, I will Wait On and Trust In the Lord.
In other news:
Jess had a blast working a party last night as service. He boiled and grilled, served and ate. And just had a good time. The girls and I did, too. It was our Ward's Blue and Gold Banquet for the Cub Scouts (which was also a Ward Social) and turned out REALLY well. It was fun to watch Jess in one of his elements. He really DOES enjoy working with food AND people!
Ria is currently either very difficult or an angel. I have nothing more to add about that right now. Can you guess which end of the pendulum she's dangling at right now?
Kat has a little shadow named Tea. Tea has been Ria's shadow frequently, too, but lately she's been settling most often in the footsteps of Kat. I'm not sure how much I like or dislike this. I'm SO glad my girls have such awesome playmates, though. What a gift to have multiple same gender sibs! I didn't have such a blessing and it's lovely to watch and enjoy now as a Mama.
Tea (rhymes with Ria) plays piano every day. She'll play for a moment and then pause to say, "Sound petty, Mama?" She is ADORABLE. Well, until the end of the day during which time I'm trying to make dinner, inevitably... and she starts the constant fussing. She still really NEEDS a nap, but if she GETS one she's up way too late at night, so I don't push them. She's ready for bed by about 6:45pm with an hour or more of constant fussing before that. *sigh* YES, it IS frustrating! She's generally such a happy girl....
I'm just tired. Not a good time to post, perhaps, but this is me. It's part of me, just like the optimism and efforts to remain in Peace moving ever toward Joy and trying to remain in Light! I have bad days just like anyone else. Today I woke up with a headache... so it's definitely not THE brightest day I've had lately.
We did get to go to the temple yesterday. ^_^ It was our February temple trip as a family and was REALLY nice. I couldn't find my temple bag, for which the Lord had been preparing me for at least a few days before... I'd heard whispers in the days leading up to our temple day (the last chance for February!) that went along these lines: "It's super important to simply get your girls to the temple," and, "Just make sure you GO to the temple for the consistency, your girls so WANT to be there, keep them in that desire," and, "It isn't always necessary that you go in to work, but sometimes it's just important to GET there together, to reaffirm that just BEing at the temple is precious, special and valuable." So, even though I couldn't find my temple bag (with recommend in it), we went to the temple. And then, after using the toilets inside (which is part of our routine to get the girls IN the temple), we went to one of their favorite stops - a playground park. Our yesterday morning time together after we left the temple is like the ones Jess makes with the girls while I'm working in the temple. And it was really NICE! What a WONDERFUL morning for an hour at a playground!
I was just telling a friend, last night, about these sorts of trips. You see, Jess tells me all about their escapades and adventures of an hour or two in duration which occur when I'm in the temple working. He tells me about what they do, what they see, if they talk to anyone, if they avoid anyone (which they sometimes do when they are on secret missions ^_^)... basically everything, it seems like. And I've had this feeling that it's SO super enjoyable to be with Jessie - especially when he's focused on being OUT with the girls in the way he is when I'm in the temple. Having a GOOD time with them.
And then I got to go to some of their places when my Mom came to visit back in October. Now, one of the places we visited was one Jess told me a LOT about previously. He'd described to me how amazing it was to watch these hordes of wasps gathering mud and how they would fly right by your face - totally uninterested in the huge human they passed - yet so close Jess could see how the legs were all working together to hold the mud as the little beast flew. His descriptions were just magical! I was sure there were sparkles in the air around my girls as they observed these things with their Daddy... there certainly were sparkling motes floating in my mind's eye over and through everything I saw from his description! :) And then I got to go and see these things for myself. As a result, I came to realize something really amazing and wonderful: the things Jessie observed with and did for/with our girls were not all that magical in and of themselves... the magic is in my Jessie! HE is the reason these things are so amazing... HIS eye and HIS perception of the world around him is just BEAUTIFUL! And WHAT a gift to see these normal and even boring sorts of things for myself... to see how normal and boring they appear to me, yet to know how magical they are TO me and - even more importantly, to my girls, BECAUSE they get to see and experience it/them with their Daddy with the Magic Eyes! Oh, WHAT a man! :)
That's us for now. Hope to hear from you!
tori
Saturday, February 19, 2011
In The Last Week
We've been busy. :)
Jessie AND Tori have new jobs. Jess had FOUR scheduled interviews this past week. He only made one of them and called the others to thank them for the opportunity, but to let them know that he'd accepted an offer. And so, Jess will start his new Executive Chef job on February 28th. And I'm SO excited for him... US! It seems, thus far, that our new boss is a straight shooter, bold truth speaker, and may even be truly virtuous and full of integrity!! Should this be the reality and not just my sense of things (which has sometimes been swayed by Jessie's description of his experiences, though this is usually not a problem when I listen harder to the Spirit than his words), this will be the SECOND time we have had such an employer. Jim, back at Red Star Tavern, was our first experience with such a man and he was WONDERFUL. Seriously awesome. But we didn't get to have him long cause he wasn't willing to be treated poorly by the establishment and he left RST before Jess did. We've had a couple other bosses that were either completely or mostly fully of integrity, BUT were not straight talkers and/or WERE totally passive aggressive in management and otherwise. Those experiences were very valuable because they taught Jess how detrimental such behaviors are, generally, and for bosses, specifically.
Tori has a job? Yes. Actually, I do. It's a gig that will be more an investment at the outset, but can potentially pay well enough to constitute a nice stream of income. Also, it's totally contract-type work, so I don't clock-in anywhere, which, from what I've been hearing (from the Spirit) is the only kind of work Father will approve me to do while I am primarily engaged in childrearing. (This also means, if you read between the lines, that I'll probably be paid very little for the time I'll put in - ESPECIALLY at the beginning.) The work is something I believe in and will enable me to do something that I'm pretty good at already... sorta being paid for one of my Gifts. So, what is it? I'm a new Area Representative with ICES. I am officially an Area Representative as of this past week. I received my start-up package yesterday, as a matter-of-fact. In it: lots of paperwork to become familiar with and some business cards (my name is not typed, I wrote it in, but still, it's official...).
Jessie has been inspired that we should pursue multiple streams of income. I have felt the Spirit witness to me that this is of Father. So, I began to ponder on what I could do? Should I do anything? The kind of work Jess does just doesn't leave him much time to do much else (especially when he's in an Executive Chef position). Well, I'd looked at a particular possibility way back in September or October last year and expressed interest to the companies I found. I didn't hear anything and, though I'd received confirmation that this is something Father was approving I could pursue, I figured it wasn't meant to be. I started hearing back from them in November, but I didn't respond immediately. Finally, I did write to one of the companies at the end of December. I got paperwork in January and faxed it back this month. Now I "just" need to establish relationships with area high schools and find some host families. :) No prob, right? Well, I figure if Father really wants me to do this as a stream of income for my family, He'll provide in this area just as He does so marvelously and miraculously in all others. I will have to do my part, of course, but where I end He will begin and complete. He always does for us, so how can I doubt!? I cannot. I refuse.
Have you heard that song? "I Refuse"? OH! It is AWESOME! And inspiring. And just wonderful! If you haven't heard it (or my favorite song), and you can leave your internet on to hear an awesome radio station, I HIGHLY recommend: Z88.3 for ALL your listening enjoyment. It's SAFE for the little ears in the back seat (^_^) and it's super uplifting. My favorite song currently is:
Sanctus Real - “Lead Me”
I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?
To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up
I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
The other streams of income? Well, obviously Jessie's job will be our primary one. Additionally, the ICES gig is another. In addition to those, I've felt led to pursue the goals I felt compelled toward since before we actually moved here, but to pursue them for our family AND as streams of income. Do you remember what those activities which I desire to pursue are? Probably not. It's only super important to me, I think. :) Here they are (but not in order of how they will come about): rabbits for meat and pelts, chickens for eggs and meat, bees for honey, and vermiculture. I still really want to raise Nigerian Dwarf goats, but given this winter, I know we need to make sure we have enough income to buy feed for the goats through a winter cause the chickens ate up the yard all on their own!... so goats will have to wait a bit. I'll also have to wait on sheep for the same reason. Not enough land! I think the vermiculture will initially be primarily for composting and creation of vermipost for sale, but I'd also like to get into African Nightcrawlers for fishermen's bait (for sale). We'll see. :)
All of this is a lot more difficult than it sounds BECAUSE I have a problem. I know it's a problem, given our current system, but I'm going to overcome it because Father is leading me on this path and He desires me to overcome myself... to take up my cross and become what He has in mind for me to be. My problem? I'm ready to live Consecration NOW. All these things I would do for home use and then simply give away our excess. But Father has in mind for me to help our home and family in financial ways and to build streams of income doing these things He has inspired in my heart a desire to pursue. I accept His leading, so that's what I'll do until Consecration is truly possible... and along the way I'll give away what we can and do what we where we can for others. :)
As another stream of income, Jess has become an Amazon Affiliate. If you look at his blog, which the previous link will get you to, you'll see the Amazon ad carousel thingy to the right of his posts as well as an ad for the Kindle in his post about the same. I'll probably have some Amazon ads here soon (via his affiliation). How does this thing work? Well, if you wanna buy something, see if it's sold via Amazon. If it is, click on over to Jessie's blog and get to Amazon through his ads (or his ads here, when they're up) and use his link to get to Amazon and then to what you want. That way, if I understand the whole thing correctly, he'll get paid a small sum for your purchase. Neat, right? I need to learn the whole thing better, but that's the gist I've got so far.
We are going to pursue some other affiliations (like Home Depot or Lowes as well as others) because it can really benefit a body. Jess went to a conference thing about it and came home determined that we could figure it out (rather than paying $2000 for the program that the conference thing was set up to sell). So, we're doing things slowly, but hopefully building a strong foundation in the slow laying of it. :) We'll see, of course.
By way of update about our pregnancy: I've been awakened by contractions 3 or 4 mornings in the last 10 days or fewer. Those mornings have resulted in a few hours of crampy contractions (no, not Braxtong Hicks... THOSE are way easier to deal with) and then I was able to get some sleep. Thankfully! On last check I was dilated 1-2 centimeters (which I've walked that for about 2 months each baby before this one) and was soft and effacing, but not significantly enough for my midwife to give me a percentage on the effacement. So, the contractions are doing their work, though slowly. I'm still hopeful that this will be a different labor and delivery... and really, I'm right on track for that. I've not been having these kinds of contractions this early before. So, we'll see. ^_^
I have been nesting something fierce! What have I done? Well, I think I've already mentioned the nesting coop for my chickens, which I'm building. It's about half-way done now, which includes the door (probably the most time intensive bit). Still have a bit left, but hopeful that it'll come along quickly when I get back outside to it. I've been a bit tied up inside with nesting fits, though. I've reorganized the living room. I've reorganized and done some better ordering of things in our office/craft/media room. I've put together some milk-crate-shelves for books and, as a result, I've been able to get my library more organized. I've actually reached a stopping point on that project because I have no more crate/shelves to put books out in/on. Bummer. I used 3 crates to make some shelves for organizing clothes on top of a long dresser Jessie saved from the curb a few weeks ago. One crate is neatly full of newborn items, which were already freshly washed. I placed them every so nearly in the crate - just waiting the arrival of our baby. The other two crates are stacked and full of clean t-shirts for Jess which are organized by color. It looks SO nice! Because of those clothing shelves, the laundry room is beginning to look REALLY spiffy, neat, and orderly! Having that room all straight and tidy feels SO good! I've been able to catch back up on laundry (the kind that needs washing and putting away, I mean), which ALWAYS feels SO good! The only organizing left to do in the laundry room is to straighten up my own clothes (our laundry room is big part of our closet system) and then maintain! YEAY!
Still left to do in Nesting:
-Dump all girls clothes out of stuffed, messy drawers.
-Repack drawers with summer appropriate attire - NEATLY. (We will keep some warm clothes out, but most will be put away cause we've had a lot more warm days than otherwise lately.)
-Figure out where to keep Tea's clothes (they used to be kept in the laundry room on a shelf that is now used for some linens).
-Go through, take out to add to daily wear, and repack (as necessary) clothes previously set aside for growing girls.
-Finish chicken nesting coop (with run, preferrably).
-Hem some pants for Jess (totally not as easy as it should be since I don't know how to operate the sewing maching we do have).
-Finish a small crochet project for Kat. (When she sees it, she asks for it, so I know she wants it!)
-Wash couch cushion covers. UGH. Such a frustrating job cause the girls always dump something on it right after they are put back in place. *sigh* And such is life with littles, eh!? :)
-Call High Schools in my county (to start with) and figure out what needs done to prepare the way for International Exchange Students with my company.
-Clean two remaining kitchen drawers to put back in place.
-Begin pulling fence boards from rotted wood and stack in the place already set aside for them (preparation for when we can afford cross beams to re-set our fence).
-And, of course, basic maintainance, which is always there to be done (sweeping, mopping, dishes, trash, feeding chickens, homeschool, daily piano practice, food prep, work for Calling, etc.). And very soon I'll have to add lawnmowing! YIKES! Hopefully the baby will be happy with that kind of noise....
I've already come to terms with the likelihood that all of these projects will probably NOT be totally and compeltely finished prior to the baby's birth. I'm mostly okay with that. But it sure would be nice to get it all done!
I will share news about the baby as I know stuff. Basically, all there is to know now is that the baby rolls around and moves well and regularly. Strong baby. :) And the girls, Jess, and I are looking forward to welcoming this new little person to our family! My next midwife visit is sometime next week. No appointment set yet, but I'm supposed to set one. And as of Sunday or Monday I'm 38 weeks along. Getting closer. ^_^
Jessie AND Tori have new jobs. Jess had FOUR scheduled interviews this past week. He only made one of them and called the others to thank them for the opportunity, but to let them know that he'd accepted an offer. And so, Jess will start his new Executive Chef job on February 28th. And I'm SO excited for him... US! It seems, thus far, that our new boss is a straight shooter, bold truth speaker, and may even be truly virtuous and full of integrity!! Should this be the reality and not just my sense of things (which has sometimes been swayed by Jessie's description of his experiences, though this is usually not a problem when I listen harder to the Spirit than his words), this will be the SECOND time we have had such an employer. Jim, back at Red Star Tavern, was our first experience with such a man and he was WONDERFUL. Seriously awesome. But we didn't get to have him long cause he wasn't willing to be treated poorly by the establishment and he left RST before Jess did. We've had a couple other bosses that were either completely or mostly fully of integrity, BUT were not straight talkers and/or WERE totally passive aggressive in management and otherwise. Those experiences were very valuable because they taught Jess how detrimental such behaviors are, generally, and for bosses, specifically.
Tori has a job? Yes. Actually, I do. It's a gig that will be more an investment at the outset, but can potentially pay well enough to constitute a nice stream of income. Also, it's totally contract-type work, so I don't clock-in anywhere, which, from what I've been hearing (from the Spirit) is the only kind of work Father will approve me to do while I am primarily engaged in childrearing. (This also means, if you read between the lines, that I'll probably be paid very little for the time I'll put in - ESPECIALLY at the beginning.) The work is something I believe in and will enable me to do something that I'm pretty good at already... sorta being paid for one of my Gifts. So, what is it? I'm a new Area Representative with ICES. I am officially an Area Representative as of this past week. I received my start-up package yesterday, as a matter-of-fact. In it: lots of paperwork to become familiar with and some business cards (my name is not typed, I wrote it in, but still, it's official...).
Jessie has been inspired that we should pursue multiple streams of income. I have felt the Spirit witness to me that this is of Father. So, I began to ponder on what I could do? Should I do anything? The kind of work Jess does just doesn't leave him much time to do much else (especially when he's in an Executive Chef position). Well, I'd looked at a particular possibility way back in September or October last year and expressed interest to the companies I found. I didn't hear anything and, though I'd received confirmation that this is something Father was approving I could pursue, I figured it wasn't meant to be. I started hearing back from them in November, but I didn't respond immediately. Finally, I did write to one of the companies at the end of December. I got paperwork in January and faxed it back this month. Now I "just" need to establish relationships with area high schools and find some host families. :) No prob, right? Well, I figure if Father really wants me to do this as a stream of income for my family, He'll provide in this area just as He does so marvelously and miraculously in all others. I will have to do my part, of course, but where I end He will begin and complete. He always does for us, so how can I doubt!? I cannot. I refuse.
Have you heard that song? "I Refuse"? OH! It is AWESOME! And inspiring. And just wonderful! If you haven't heard it (or my favorite song), and you can leave your internet on to hear an awesome radio station, I HIGHLY recommend: Z88.3 for ALL your listening enjoyment. It's SAFE for the little ears in the back seat (^_^) and it's super uplifting. My favorite song currently is:
Sanctus Real - “Lead Me”
I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...
“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”
So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?
To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up
I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
The other streams of income? Well, obviously Jessie's job will be our primary one. Additionally, the ICES gig is another. In addition to those, I've felt led to pursue the goals I felt compelled toward since before we actually moved here, but to pursue them for our family AND as streams of income. Do you remember what those activities which I desire to pursue are? Probably not. It's only super important to me, I think. :) Here they are (but not in order of how they will come about): rabbits for meat and pelts, chickens for eggs and meat, bees for honey, and vermiculture. I still really want to raise Nigerian Dwarf goats, but given this winter, I know we need to make sure we have enough income to buy feed for the goats through a winter cause the chickens ate up the yard all on their own!... so goats will have to wait a bit. I'll also have to wait on sheep for the same reason. Not enough land! I think the vermiculture will initially be primarily for composting and creation of vermipost for sale, but I'd also like to get into African Nightcrawlers for fishermen's bait (for sale). We'll see. :)
All of this is a lot more difficult than it sounds BECAUSE I have a problem. I know it's a problem, given our current system, but I'm going to overcome it because Father is leading me on this path and He desires me to overcome myself... to take up my cross and become what He has in mind for me to be. My problem? I'm ready to live Consecration NOW. All these things I would do for home use and then simply give away our excess. But Father has in mind for me to help our home and family in financial ways and to build streams of income doing these things He has inspired in my heart a desire to pursue. I accept His leading, so that's what I'll do until Consecration is truly possible... and along the way I'll give away what we can and do what we where we can for others. :)
As another stream of income, Jess has become an Amazon Affiliate. If you look at his blog, which the previous link will get you to, you'll see the Amazon ad carousel thingy to the right of his posts as well as an ad for the Kindle in his post about the same. I'll probably have some Amazon ads here soon (via his affiliation). How does this thing work? Well, if you wanna buy something, see if it's sold via Amazon. If it is, click on over to Jessie's blog and get to Amazon through his ads (or his ads here, when they're up) and use his link to get to Amazon and then to what you want. That way, if I understand the whole thing correctly, he'll get paid a small sum for your purchase. Neat, right? I need to learn the whole thing better, but that's the gist I've got so far.
We are going to pursue some other affiliations (like Home Depot or Lowes as well as others) because it can really benefit a body. Jess went to a conference thing about it and came home determined that we could figure it out (rather than paying $2000 for the program that the conference thing was set up to sell). So, we're doing things slowly, but hopefully building a strong foundation in the slow laying of it. :) We'll see, of course.
By way of update about our pregnancy: I've been awakened by contractions 3 or 4 mornings in the last 10 days or fewer. Those mornings have resulted in a few hours of crampy contractions (no, not Braxtong Hicks... THOSE are way easier to deal with) and then I was able to get some sleep. Thankfully! On last check I was dilated 1-2 centimeters (which I've walked that for about 2 months each baby before this one) and was soft and effacing, but not significantly enough for my midwife to give me a percentage on the effacement. So, the contractions are doing their work, though slowly. I'm still hopeful that this will be a different labor and delivery... and really, I'm right on track for that. I've not been having these kinds of contractions this early before. So, we'll see. ^_^
I have been nesting something fierce! What have I done? Well, I think I've already mentioned the nesting coop for my chickens, which I'm building. It's about half-way done now, which includes the door (probably the most time intensive bit). Still have a bit left, but hopeful that it'll come along quickly when I get back outside to it. I've been a bit tied up inside with nesting fits, though. I've reorganized the living room. I've reorganized and done some better ordering of things in our office/craft/media room. I've put together some milk-crate-shelves for books and, as a result, I've been able to get my library more organized. I've actually reached a stopping point on that project because I have no more crate/shelves to put books out in/on. Bummer. I used 3 crates to make some shelves for organizing clothes on top of a long dresser Jessie saved from the curb a few weeks ago. One crate is neatly full of newborn items, which were already freshly washed. I placed them every so nearly in the crate - just waiting the arrival of our baby. The other two crates are stacked and full of clean t-shirts for Jess which are organized by color. It looks SO nice! Because of those clothing shelves, the laundry room is beginning to look REALLY spiffy, neat, and orderly! Having that room all straight and tidy feels SO good! I've been able to catch back up on laundry (the kind that needs washing and putting away, I mean), which ALWAYS feels SO good! The only organizing left to do in the laundry room is to straighten up my own clothes (our laundry room is big part of our closet system) and then maintain! YEAY!
Still left to do in Nesting:
-Dump all girls clothes out of stuffed, messy drawers.
-Repack drawers with summer appropriate attire - NEATLY. (We will keep some warm clothes out, but most will be put away cause we've had a lot more warm days than otherwise lately.)
-Figure out where to keep Tea's clothes (they used to be kept in the laundry room on a shelf that is now used for some linens).
-Go through, take out to add to daily wear, and repack (as necessary) clothes previously set aside for growing girls.
-Finish chicken nesting coop (with run, preferrably).
-Hem some pants for Jess (totally not as easy as it should be since I don't know how to operate the sewing maching we do have).
-Finish a small crochet project for Kat. (When she sees it, she asks for it, so I know she wants it!)
-Wash couch cushion covers. UGH. Such a frustrating job cause the girls always dump something on it right after they are put back in place. *sigh* And such is life with littles, eh!? :)
-Call High Schools in my county (to start with) and figure out what needs done to prepare the way for International Exchange Students with my company.
-Clean two remaining kitchen drawers to put back in place.
-Begin pulling fence boards from rotted wood and stack in the place already set aside for them (preparation for when we can afford cross beams to re-set our fence).
-And, of course, basic maintainance, which is always there to be done (sweeping, mopping, dishes, trash, feeding chickens, homeschool, daily piano practice, food prep, work for Calling, etc.). And very soon I'll have to add lawnmowing! YIKES! Hopefully the baby will be happy with that kind of noise....
I've already come to terms with the likelihood that all of these projects will probably NOT be totally and compeltely finished prior to the baby's birth. I'm mostly okay with that. But it sure would be nice to get it all done!
I will share news about the baby as I know stuff. Basically, all there is to know now is that the baby rolls around and moves well and regularly. Strong baby. :) And the girls, Jess, and I are looking forward to welcoming this new little person to our family! My next midwife visit is sometime next week. No appointment set yet, but I'm supposed to set one. And as of Sunday or Monday I'm 38 weeks along. Getting closer. ^_^
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Until Further Notice
Just because I have, in the past, NOT had my babies by their due dates, I wanted to share with you the most up to the minute news on this current baby's arrival - or lack thereof. If you desire to know the news - UP to the MINUTE!
So, when you wonder, "Has Tori had that baby yet?" Just click on THIS link until further notice.
It IS accurate! ^_^
So, when you wonder, "Has Tori had that baby yet?" Just click on THIS link until further notice.
It IS accurate! ^_^
Friday, February 4, 2011
Getting Down, but Going Up
I'm getting down in the time left in this pregnancy, but going up in pounds. I'm almost 36 weeks now!! As this (gaining weight in pregnancy) has not before happened to me, it's all new territory. I get to feel what most pregnant women (I've heard) feel about their bodies when preggie. I have to say, it doesn't feel too good. BUT it DOES feel good to feel the baby moving around and know that it's a strong one and as healthy as we can tell from all indications. YEAY for that. ^_^
I've had and been able to take a lot more time away from being the sole care provider of and for my children in the last month and a week or so than EVER before. It's been a gift and blessing to me. I'm the kind of Mama who is basically always with the kiddos. While I'm thankful that I get to be that kind of homeschooling stay-at-home Mom... because of my hardworking hubby!, it IS exhausting in a way only women in the same situation can understand.
In the final trimester of each of my pregnancies, I've had this overwhelming desire to GET AWAY. Yes, even when I was preggie with my #1... I just wanted to get away from my job (involving children). I wanted Jess to take me off somewhere so that I would not have to deal with "little people" for a while. It didn't happen. It didn't happen with #2 and it didn't happen with #3. During my 3rd trimester with the last two, I wanted to just go to a hotel a few blocks away on the beach and spend the night alone... truly alone. I daydreamed about being able to take an undisturbed shower and read without any interruptions... and - maybe even - watch TV or a movie alone - again, the whole "no interruptions" being a key drawng/attracting factor. Didn't happen.
This time the whole hotel thing is totally out of the question, of course. And, really, doing anything for myself to take care of myself away from my family (because it basically always costs money... read: gas money, specifically) is way out of range of our income, which, because Jess is drastically underemployed, is just not possible right now.
During December someone I've never met made a suggestion, which the Spirit turned into a challenge. She said, "When my husband was unemployed for 2 years, we found great comfort in attending the temple weekly." Of my natural self and to her, in reply, I said I couldn't possibly do that because of our financial sitation and the fact that my hubby was already making tremendous sacrifices of time to help me be there with my family as much as we were. But over the course of about two weeks, the Spirit translated that sweet Sister's statement into, "You should really try to get to the temple more right now. It's easier for now. Tea is older. Jess can stay home with the girls sometimes and you can still accomplish your family goal for temple attendance. You can get to the temple alone the other weeks."
At first the idea of those temple trips all on my own did not strike me as anything more than going more frequently to serve the Lord and sort of petition Him for favor in the whole job situation. The idea of sacrificing the gas money was big, but going alone would cost less gas (taking the car instead of the van) and if Jess was willing, maybe I really SHOULD do it. After I'd been a couple times on my own, Father shared with me another purpose for my efforts: to drastically reduce or completely eradicate any post-partum depression I might experience after this baby's birth.
I've been made aware of some of the Patterns in my life... the ones Father has allowed/created so that I might learn and grow. I think I've shared the whole under/un-employment pattern of past pregnancies. In addition to that there is the "Growing Faith and/or Temple Attendance Relative to Reduced PPD Experiences" Pattern. When I was preggie with Ria I was not terribly faith-filled. I was not attending church. I did not pray... not much and not often, anyway. I experienced 7 months of horrible, deep, dark PPD... undiagnosed, but I know what I went through and it was one of my very own 'valley of the shadow of death' sorts of things.
When I was preggie with Kat, I went to the temple once. It was an awesome experience. I could tell Kat was aware of the proceedings of the family temple trip and was, at least, aware of those for whom we were doing work. It was amazing. I was also attending church each week by then. I was doing my best to hold a calling with the right heart about the service. I was praying sometimes... probably mostly at night. After Kat was born I experienced 5 months of PPD. It did NOT set in right when Kat was 4-6 weeks old as with Ria, though, it took a few months. The 5 months of PPD I did experience, though dark, were not of the same pitch black quality I'd experienced of PPD after Ria.
During my pregnancy with Tea, we were making out monthly temple trips as a family and had been since we moved when Kat was 3 weeks old. (Probably impacted that PPD after Kat, too!) After Tea was born the PPD that did manifest did not show up until she was 5 months old (older than when the stuff fell on me after Kat) and it only lasted 3 months. The darkness of that PPD experience was significantly less velvety with thickness than that which I experience after Kat and, compared with the PPD after Ria, it was, relatively speaking, a bright moonlit night!
Lord knows when this baby will come forth. If s/he is born very near due date, I will have made it to the temple 9 or 10 times (as long as things hold out and I'm able to catch a ride or afford the gas as the case may be), 6 or 7 without Jess or the girls along, just detween December 31 and March 6 (due date). It has not been easy these last few weeks. My psyche has been hammered, my family has been in a bit of emotional and some physical upheaval... the deceiver is working overtime on us, for sure. But the hope that Father has whispered to me through His Holy Spirit is worth the effort! To have NO PPD (regardless of texture of blackness!) would be a miracle of the truly awesome sort.
I hear a scoff, "A miracle?" You think not? What scientific literature can YOU point to that indicates that a woman who has once experience PPD will EVER experience anything but WORSE cases of the same? Can you even find one case of someone who has had reduced PPD in subsequent pregnancies? All that I've found myself, heard from others' reading or heard of via others' experiences indicates that PPD is a kind of depression that hits when it hits - usually hard, and only gets worse and more UNmanageable with each subsequent birth. So, given that I feel the confirmation of truth in this, I will shout, "MIRACLE!" in the experience I've already had! Not to mention if this problem I have encountered in PPD is completely vanquished through the 'simple' effort of greater service to the Lord in His Holy House! I'm feeling very hopeful that it will be so. Yet I acknowledge that the prayers of His faithful can never EVER hurt... so, if you feel so inclined as to devote some of your heart and mind to this effort of mine to be so in line with the Lord and His Word, Will, and Way as to experience none of the "typical" darkness I've endured previously, I would greatly appreciate your thoughts on my (and my family's) behalf!
So, though the time left in this pregnancy is getting down, I am going up in Hope and efforts to be faithful and Faith Filled... as well, of course, as seeing the scale go up. BLAH! ;)
I've had and been able to take a lot more time away from being the sole care provider of and for my children in the last month and a week or so than EVER before. It's been a gift and blessing to me. I'm the kind of Mama who is basically always with the kiddos. While I'm thankful that I get to be that kind of homeschooling stay-at-home Mom... because of my hardworking hubby!, it IS exhausting in a way only women in the same situation can understand.
In the final trimester of each of my pregnancies, I've had this overwhelming desire to GET AWAY. Yes, even when I was preggie with my #1... I just wanted to get away from my job (involving children). I wanted Jess to take me off somewhere so that I would not have to deal with "little people" for a while. It didn't happen. It didn't happen with #2 and it didn't happen with #3. During my 3rd trimester with the last two, I wanted to just go to a hotel a few blocks away on the beach and spend the night alone... truly alone. I daydreamed about being able to take an undisturbed shower and read without any interruptions... and - maybe even - watch TV or a movie alone - again, the whole "no interruptions" being a key drawng/attracting factor. Didn't happen.
This time the whole hotel thing is totally out of the question, of course. And, really, doing anything for myself to take care of myself away from my family (because it basically always costs money... read: gas money, specifically) is way out of range of our income, which, because Jess is drastically underemployed, is just not possible right now.
During December someone I've never met made a suggestion, which the Spirit turned into a challenge. She said, "When my husband was unemployed for 2 years, we found great comfort in attending the temple weekly." Of my natural self and to her, in reply, I said I couldn't possibly do that because of our financial sitation and the fact that my hubby was already making tremendous sacrifices of time to help me be there with my family as much as we were. But over the course of about two weeks, the Spirit translated that sweet Sister's statement into, "You should really try to get to the temple more right now. It's easier for now. Tea is older. Jess can stay home with the girls sometimes and you can still accomplish your family goal for temple attendance. You can get to the temple alone the other weeks."
At first the idea of those temple trips all on my own did not strike me as anything more than going more frequently to serve the Lord and sort of petition Him for favor in the whole job situation. The idea of sacrificing the gas money was big, but going alone would cost less gas (taking the car instead of the van) and if Jess was willing, maybe I really SHOULD do it. After I'd been a couple times on my own, Father shared with me another purpose for my efforts: to drastically reduce or completely eradicate any post-partum depression I might experience after this baby's birth.
I've been made aware of some of the Patterns in my life... the ones Father has allowed/created so that I might learn and grow. I think I've shared the whole under/un-employment pattern of past pregnancies. In addition to that there is the "Growing Faith and/or Temple Attendance Relative to Reduced PPD Experiences" Pattern. When I was preggie with Ria I was not terribly faith-filled. I was not attending church. I did not pray... not much and not often, anyway. I experienced 7 months of horrible, deep, dark PPD... undiagnosed, but I know what I went through and it was one of my very own 'valley of the shadow of death' sorts of things.
When I was preggie with Kat, I went to the temple once. It was an awesome experience. I could tell Kat was aware of the proceedings of the family temple trip and was, at least, aware of those for whom we were doing work. It was amazing. I was also attending church each week by then. I was doing my best to hold a calling with the right heart about the service. I was praying sometimes... probably mostly at night. After Kat was born I experienced 5 months of PPD. It did NOT set in right when Kat was 4-6 weeks old as with Ria, though, it took a few months. The 5 months of PPD I did experience, though dark, were not of the same pitch black quality I'd experienced of PPD after Ria.
During my pregnancy with Tea, we were making out monthly temple trips as a family and had been since we moved when Kat was 3 weeks old. (Probably impacted that PPD after Kat, too!) After Tea was born the PPD that did manifest did not show up until she was 5 months old (older than when the stuff fell on me after Kat) and it only lasted 3 months. The darkness of that PPD experience was significantly less velvety with thickness than that which I experience after Kat and, compared with the PPD after Ria, it was, relatively speaking, a bright moonlit night!
Lord knows when this baby will come forth. If s/he is born very near due date, I will have made it to the temple 9 or 10 times (as long as things hold out and I'm able to catch a ride or afford the gas as the case may be), 6 or 7 without Jess or the girls along, just detween December 31 and March 6 (due date). It has not been easy these last few weeks. My psyche has been hammered, my family has been in a bit of emotional and some physical upheaval... the deceiver is working overtime on us, for sure. But the hope that Father has whispered to me through His Holy Spirit is worth the effort! To have NO PPD (regardless of texture of blackness!) would be a miracle of the truly awesome sort.
I hear a scoff, "A miracle?" You think not? What scientific literature can YOU point to that indicates that a woman who has once experience PPD will EVER experience anything but WORSE cases of the same? Can you even find one case of someone who has had reduced PPD in subsequent pregnancies? All that I've found myself, heard from others' reading or heard of via others' experiences indicates that PPD is a kind of depression that hits when it hits - usually hard, and only gets worse and more UNmanageable with each subsequent birth. So, given that I feel the confirmation of truth in this, I will shout, "MIRACLE!" in the experience I've already had! Not to mention if this problem I have encountered in PPD is completely vanquished through the 'simple' effort of greater service to the Lord in His Holy House! I'm feeling very hopeful that it will be so. Yet I acknowledge that the prayers of His faithful can never EVER hurt... so, if you feel so inclined as to devote some of your heart and mind to this effort of mine to be so in line with the Lord and His Word, Will, and Way as to experience none of the "typical" darkness I've endured previously, I would greatly appreciate your thoughts on my (and my family's) behalf!
So, though the time left in this pregnancy is getting down, I am going up in Hope and efforts to be faithful and Faith Filled... as well, of course, as seeing the scale go up. BLAH! ;)
Friday, January 28, 2011
Life
Life just moves right along, doesn't it?
I'm currently in between 34 and 35 weeks along in this pregnancy and feel like I have so much more to do than I have time to do it in. I guess that's what I get for my first experience of "nesting" ever! ahwell... I mean, I've felt that I wanted/needed to get some crocheting done before a new baby... but nothing like I've been feeling in this last trimester of this pregnancy.
The other day I pulled up this annoying short fence in my side yard. Yeah, I just pulled it up. Exhaling whilst pulling REALLY adds some strength - even in this preggie belly! I was so super tired after that lame exertion, though, that I didn't get much at all done the next day. Unbelievable!
I DID finish this baby's blanket, but have not made a jacket, shoes OR doll yet. :( I figure I'll aim at having the doll done by the time s/he is 18 months old... my girls haven't really noticed their's until around then. Hopefully that'll hold. I can't afford to get the yard right now anyway.
I'm working toward a goal of completely writing 12 Lessons of Life for this year. I figure if I can get 8 done before the baby comes, I should be able to manage 4 in the 8 months after... at least, I think I will. And I can be a bit like the Little Engine That Could when I put my mind to it. So far... dum-da-da-duuuumm... I've completely written 5 (or 6... I think it's 6, but if it is I didn't write down the title of the last one so I can - some day - print them out at the library or somewhere else).
New Year's resolutions and I don't do well together. However, I do have a tendancy to start new things all year long... if I find something that I want to tackle, I go ahead and try. If I find something in December of that sort, I make a point to begin on the tast/challenge/goal BEFORE the new year because I know how averse my psyche is to long-term effort on "New Year's" goals. So... I started working on something I have long been very NOT good at doing with consistency. Housekeeping. I consider myself a homemaker and most of my homemaking efforts have, historically, been in making, not keeping things. heeheehee So, I'm striving to continue in the making (as much as possible) whilst adding in some keeping.
This week has been a bugger-boo, but I've still been doing all right. Today I had to catch up on my schedule for sweeping (that's my single biggest job with the square footage of this house and all). I think I've shared that I'm been maintaining well with laundry. While there have been a few hiccups (laundry piling ridiculously - especially around the time the washer died and we took laundry to the mat... but even so, I was able to catch that mess up inside a week and I've kept it up really pretty well since then. I've NOTHING to brag about considering I'm 35, I've been responsible for doing this (solely) for the last 5 years (or a little more) and it's only now that I'm even beginning to get a handle on it. My point in sharing is this: if TORI can get it under some sort of control, I can tell you that ANYone can... and I mean anyone!!! Seriously.
One thing that has helped me is my TJEd planning. I haven't really mentioned that here. A Thomas Jefferson Education has seriously rocked my world. My paradigm for homeschooling (education in general) has been significantly ordered. I say ordered because the principles in A TJEd are things I've been learning and feeling for some time, but didn't have a whole "system" in place to incorporate it any synthesize all that I believed. Now I do and going through the process of getting it going is a sort of world rocking experience. I'm glad. It is what it is. And it has been difficult, but glorious. And I'm sure I will continue to experience the rocking for quite a while as the changes necessary are being implemented bit by bit... line upon line... and as I'm able. It's SO liberating to be forgiving of oneself!
So, I've got a planner. And in my planner I have a schedule for the basics of my day. I have it written in through Feb and into March. The basics include: morning and evening Devotionals, laundry (almost daily), dishes (daily; though they have YET to get completely done by me on a given day... my back starts screaming after washing about 1/4 of the dishes waiting for me on most days), FHE on Mondays, FGN on Sundays, Family Reading Time (daily), feed the chickens, piano practice (daily and, yes, for me... Ria has been doing HER practices MUCH more willingly since I started to catch up to her in skill!... I'm not happy that she's so very HIGHLY competative, but I'm trying to use what I know to inspire rather than require (with yelling too often in the requiring, at that) as TJEd suggests!!), and an area of my home to sweep each day. The days that the area is smaller, I also have BIG MESSES right in there, so I can't give myself an excuse to leave those alone until the particular area rolls around the following week. I know FLY LADY has some really great info on home maintenance... I did try her way... it just didn't work for me. Perhaps jumping in to that program was a bit of going from 0-60mph in 2 seconds for an old Ford Pickup... (the pickup being me, of course). I could do it, but then I'd fall apart after trying to maintain 60mph for a really unreasonably short amount of time. So, I'm doing what I can do. :) And it's working for me, which is REALLY the key, afterall!
I did have to play catch up today, but I did almost catch up (dishes still not staying done... must work on that...). It feels really quite good. Oh, and I've decided to take trash back. I'm not putting it by the door for Jess anymore. Why should he be greeted by trash? I mean, I can empty it and have the girls walk it out. They may not love it, but neither do I... so we can do something we don't love together! ;)
Obviously, I'm really happy about this subject... and, really, who IRL is interested? Probably you aren't either... but if you've made it this far... THANK YOU! :) I appreciate your kind interest and care in/of me!
The baby is lovely. S/he is a good mover and that is ALWAYS a comfort. Baby also doesn't seem to ride in my lungs this time around. NICE! I'm curious to see if this is another girl after Kat's mold (I think she did not ride in my lungs) or a boy - who would likely be a lot like Kat. My midwife, when preggie with Tea (we do have the same midwife now, YEAY!) came to our home for a visit toward the end, as homebirth midwives do so they know where you live... and saw Kat REALLY as she is and told me, "You don't need a boy, you have HER!" And that was after teasing me incessantly about needing a boy. So, I bet, when we do have a boy, those two will be PEAS in a POD! It should be interesting to see. Kat just LOVES boys!!!
Ria is doing well. She's getting tall. I know it's inevitable, but it just feels like she's SO much taller lately. I know her height does not compare to others her age, but it's all relative! Her self-education is going well. I'm planning out some ways to teach her better. She loves Botony (we use Apologia for science and it ROCKS), which is the branch (pun intended) she's been studying this year. She's read the book at least 9 times now... and it's not a teeny tiny book, either. She is NOT hating piano currently, though she does try to complain here and there. But then I point out that I'm doing _____ better than her and she needs to practice to catch up and she gets right to it. hehehe I know... not the best motivator. I'm NEW to this whole inspire not require. It's a WHOLE new paradigm for me... it's gunna take some time!
Kat is doing well. She's more than half-way done reading the books listed at the end of How to Teach Your Child to Read In 100 Easy Lessons. She LOVES to read and is doing well with it. I'm excited for her to get into chapter books, which will probably happen by the end of next month! She's still stumbling a lot and guessing a lot, but we just remind her that she's a GREAT reader, but a bad guesser and she works on sounding-out again. Thankfully. She loves handwriting class and has begun piano (with Mama). I'm hoping to get up the guts to ask Ria's piano teacher to take Kat on some day... but I can at least get the really slow and painful stuff done since I can remember how Ria did it and work through it with Kat. Kat definitely has more initiative and gets to work without a word from Mama. Actually, she asks for permission and I often as not tell her no... I think this increases her desire. I'm cool with using reverse psychology. SO nice that it works! :) Especially since most of the time I say no it's really because my head or brain cannot handle another background sound.
My little follower is also a good leader. Tea is a very good example of choosing the right, most of the time. She does tend to follow her sisters' bad examples more than I would like, but for a 2 year old, she really does choose better than they do more often than not. Prayer time is the exception lately. We're working on that. Tea LOVES to work. She asks for piano practice almost every single day (which, in her case, means getting the book that she identifies as "her lesson book" out for her and putting it in place so she can gently pound the keys with a book in front of her), she also must work on handwriting and/or planning (in her planner) on a daily basis... especially if we are sitting down to do any of it. Tea loves to read and if I sit down to do a reading lesson with Kat, I must also make sure to have the time to do a lesson with Tea. So far we are on lesson 13 in the 100 Lessons book. She is NOT reading that well, but I'm going to keep going for a bit longer before I start the book over with her. We'll see what happens. :) She's had a LOT of peepee accidents lately. I'm not sure if it's a behavioral, physically caused regression or emotional... I haven't been acting all that much differently, so I don't think it's emotional (at least not with me as the cause)... she's very good when we're out of the house, but has a tendancy to pee on herself a LOT when we're at home. So much more laundry when she's as accident prone as she has been. ahwell
Must run for now. If you made it through all that, let me know! ;)
I'm currently in between 34 and 35 weeks along in this pregnancy and feel like I have so much more to do than I have time to do it in. I guess that's what I get for my first experience of "nesting" ever! ahwell... I mean, I've felt that I wanted/needed to get some crocheting done before a new baby... but nothing like I've been feeling in this last trimester of this pregnancy.
The other day I pulled up this annoying short fence in my side yard. Yeah, I just pulled it up. Exhaling whilst pulling REALLY adds some strength - even in this preggie belly! I was so super tired after that lame exertion, though, that I didn't get much at all done the next day. Unbelievable!
I DID finish this baby's blanket, but have not made a jacket, shoes OR doll yet. :( I figure I'll aim at having the doll done by the time s/he is 18 months old... my girls haven't really noticed their's until around then. Hopefully that'll hold. I can't afford to get the yard right now anyway.
I'm working toward a goal of completely writing 12 Lessons of Life for this year. I figure if I can get 8 done before the baby comes, I should be able to manage 4 in the 8 months after... at least, I think I will. And I can be a bit like the Little Engine That Could when I put my mind to it. So far... dum-da-da-duuuumm... I've completely written 5 (or 6... I think it's 6, but if it is I didn't write down the title of the last one so I can - some day - print them out at the library or somewhere else).
New Year's resolutions and I don't do well together. However, I do have a tendancy to start new things all year long... if I find something that I want to tackle, I go ahead and try. If I find something in December of that sort, I make a point to begin on the tast/challenge/goal BEFORE the new year because I know how averse my psyche is to long-term effort on "New Year's" goals. So... I started working on something I have long been very NOT good at doing with consistency. Housekeeping. I consider myself a homemaker and most of my homemaking efforts have, historically, been in making, not keeping things. heeheehee So, I'm striving to continue in the making (as much as possible) whilst adding in some keeping.
This week has been a bugger-boo, but I've still been doing all right. Today I had to catch up on my schedule for sweeping (that's my single biggest job with the square footage of this house and all). I think I've shared that I'm been maintaining well with laundry. While there have been a few hiccups (laundry piling ridiculously - especially around the time the washer died and we took laundry to the mat... but even so, I was able to catch that mess up inside a week and I've kept it up really pretty well since then. I've NOTHING to brag about considering I'm 35, I've been responsible for doing this (solely) for the last 5 years (or a little more) and it's only now that I'm even beginning to get a handle on it. My point in sharing is this: if TORI can get it under some sort of control, I can tell you that ANYone can... and I mean anyone!!! Seriously.
One thing that has helped me is my TJEd planning. I haven't really mentioned that here. A Thomas Jefferson Education has seriously rocked my world. My paradigm for homeschooling (education in general) has been significantly ordered. I say ordered because the principles in A TJEd are things I've been learning and feeling for some time, but didn't have a whole "system" in place to incorporate it any synthesize all that I believed. Now I do and going through the process of getting it going is a sort of world rocking experience. I'm glad. It is what it is. And it has been difficult, but glorious. And I'm sure I will continue to experience the rocking for quite a while as the changes necessary are being implemented bit by bit... line upon line... and as I'm able. It's SO liberating to be forgiving of oneself!
So, I've got a planner. And in my planner I have a schedule for the basics of my day. I have it written in through Feb and into March. The basics include: morning and evening Devotionals, laundry (almost daily), dishes (daily; though they have YET to get completely done by me on a given day... my back starts screaming after washing about 1/4 of the dishes waiting for me on most days), FHE on Mondays, FGN on Sundays, Family Reading Time (daily), feed the chickens, piano practice (daily and, yes, for me... Ria has been doing HER practices MUCH more willingly since I started to catch up to her in skill!... I'm not happy that she's so very HIGHLY competative, but I'm trying to use what I know to inspire rather than require (with yelling too often in the requiring, at that) as TJEd suggests!!), and an area of my home to sweep each day. The days that the area is smaller, I also have BIG MESSES right in there, so I can't give myself an excuse to leave those alone until the particular area rolls around the following week. I know FLY LADY has some really great info on home maintenance... I did try her way... it just didn't work for me. Perhaps jumping in to that program was a bit of going from 0-60mph in 2 seconds for an old Ford Pickup... (the pickup being me, of course). I could do it, but then I'd fall apart after trying to maintain 60mph for a really unreasonably short amount of time. So, I'm doing what I can do. :) And it's working for me, which is REALLY the key, afterall!
I did have to play catch up today, but I did almost catch up (dishes still not staying done... must work on that...). It feels really quite good. Oh, and I've decided to take trash back. I'm not putting it by the door for Jess anymore. Why should he be greeted by trash? I mean, I can empty it and have the girls walk it out. They may not love it, but neither do I... so we can do something we don't love together! ;)
Obviously, I'm really happy about this subject... and, really, who IRL is interested? Probably you aren't either... but if you've made it this far... THANK YOU! :) I appreciate your kind interest and care in/of me!
The baby is lovely. S/he is a good mover and that is ALWAYS a comfort. Baby also doesn't seem to ride in my lungs this time around. NICE! I'm curious to see if this is another girl after Kat's mold (I think she did not ride in my lungs) or a boy - who would likely be a lot like Kat. My midwife, when preggie with Tea (we do have the same midwife now, YEAY!) came to our home for a visit toward the end, as homebirth midwives do so they know where you live... and saw Kat REALLY as she is and told me, "You don't need a boy, you have HER!" And that was after teasing me incessantly about needing a boy. So, I bet, when we do have a boy, those two will be PEAS in a POD! It should be interesting to see. Kat just LOVES boys!!!
Ria is doing well. She's getting tall. I know it's inevitable, but it just feels like she's SO much taller lately. I know her height does not compare to others her age, but it's all relative! Her self-education is going well. I'm planning out some ways to teach her better. She loves Botony (we use Apologia for science and it ROCKS), which is the branch (pun intended) she's been studying this year. She's read the book at least 9 times now... and it's not a teeny tiny book, either. She is NOT hating piano currently, though she does try to complain here and there. But then I point out that I'm doing _____ better than her and she needs to practice to catch up and she gets right to it. hehehe I know... not the best motivator. I'm NEW to this whole inspire not require. It's a WHOLE new paradigm for me... it's gunna take some time!
Kat is doing well. She's more than half-way done reading the books listed at the end of How to Teach Your Child to Read In 100 Easy Lessons. She LOVES to read and is doing well with it. I'm excited for her to get into chapter books, which will probably happen by the end of next month! She's still stumbling a lot and guessing a lot, but we just remind her that she's a GREAT reader, but a bad guesser and she works on sounding-out again. Thankfully. She loves handwriting class and has begun piano (with Mama). I'm hoping to get up the guts to ask Ria's piano teacher to take Kat on some day... but I can at least get the really slow and painful stuff done since I can remember how Ria did it and work through it with Kat. Kat definitely has more initiative and gets to work without a word from Mama. Actually, she asks for permission and I often as not tell her no... I think this increases her desire. I'm cool with using reverse psychology. SO nice that it works! :) Especially since most of the time I say no it's really because my head or brain cannot handle another background sound.
My little follower is also a good leader. Tea is a very good example of choosing the right, most of the time. She does tend to follow her sisters' bad examples more than I would like, but for a 2 year old, she really does choose better than they do more often than not. Prayer time is the exception lately. We're working on that. Tea LOVES to work. She asks for piano practice almost every single day (which, in her case, means getting the book that she identifies as "her lesson book" out for her and putting it in place so she can gently pound the keys with a book in front of her), she also must work on handwriting and/or planning (in her planner) on a daily basis... especially if we are sitting down to do any of it. Tea loves to read and if I sit down to do a reading lesson with Kat, I must also make sure to have the time to do a lesson with Tea. So far we are on lesson 13 in the 100 Lessons book. She is NOT reading that well, but I'm going to keep going for a bit longer before I start the book over with her. We'll see what happens. :) She's had a LOT of peepee accidents lately. I'm not sure if it's a behavioral, physically caused regression or emotional... I haven't been acting all that much differently, so I don't think it's emotional (at least not with me as the cause)... she's very good when we're out of the house, but has a tendancy to pee on herself a LOT when we're at home. So much more laundry when she's as accident prone as she has been. ahwell
Must run for now. If you made it through all that, let me know! ;)
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Dear Anni
Dear Anni.
Since Jess called to wish you a Happy Birthday on your birthday, I have dickered over whether to write to you here or not. Since this is the only way I can think of interacting with you... as I do not have your email address (it was lost during my email address change), do not have your snail mail address, and only have your phone number via Jess... and you told me not to ever call again, so I am trying to honor your requirement. Finally, today, my courage has won out. So I write.
Anni, how could we know there was anything wrong? You wrote???!!??? Jessie's email address has been the same for some time (years even). I changed mine because the hotmail address was hacked and I didn't like the feeling of it being easy prey for future hackers... so I'm with another carrier, also free, but it feels safer. Jess never received an email from you in his gmail address. He doesn't get to check it daily, but he does check it often enough that we would've heard about your difficulties if you'd written where he could receive it. Do you have a Gmail account address for him? You could always write to me here via a comment... I DO moderate, so I would not publish yours should you write any personal information.
I know I have not felt any kind of guilt over you or regarding you. I believe Jess when he tells me he has not, either... He has, though, told me (and I can plainly observe that he has felt) just anger toward you, which I sorrow over greatly. I don't know why you would think we would or should have guilty consciences since YOU made it very clear that you haven't wanted anything to do with me and fuss at Jess everytime he tries to interact with you via the phone. I have felt sadness, even great sadness, especially at the beginning of your determination not to have anything to do wtih me, for sure, but not guilt. Anni, why should be feel guilty? You have expressed your desire and I have honored it!
Jess called for Christmas and your Birthday because I urged him to do so thinking that you might be kind and willing to communicate in an open and receptive manner. I have felt urged to contact you (via Jess) because my girls keep asking me to let them write to you for _____ reason... most recently they wanted to write you a birthday letter and send it. Since I don't have your new address, I haven't made the time for them to write the letters they desire to write. If I had, they would only get their hopes up of hearing back from you... and since I can't send it, they couldn't hear back from you! :( I'm absolutely certain the only reason Jess ever broke down to call you on either Christmas or your Birthday was because of my urging on behalf of our daughters. I have asked him to call you again, but he refuses. Our girls have asked when he's going to call you and he gets aggitated and even angry and tells them he'll deal with it when he feels like he can deal with you - so saying in an angry manner.
Honestly, Anni, I feel that you have been most unfair to us. We have been trying... Jessie has, since you made it ultra clear you didn't want to have anything to do with me - while I attempt to honor your request. Even now I feel that I am honoring your desire to have nothing to do with me because, although I'm writing to you, it's really passive since I'm writing to you in my own blog. *sigh* I honestly cannot figure out what you want from us, Anni. We love you and would like to have a friendly familial relationship with you, but our every overature is pushed back at us violently... or, at least, that is how Jessie feels.
You have our phone numbers. They have not changed. If you truly wanted to get in touch with us, that would be a sure-fire way to do so. I know you hate me, so don't call me, I'm okay with that. Call Jess. Relationships require two parties to participate... not just one making all the efforts while the other rejects them.
I'm very sorry for the tiny bit I comprehend of your difficulties. I'm sad to hear that you've endured surgeries and we had no idea. I'm sure we could have only listened, but I, certainly, would have been happy to listen! I hope we might reconnect in familial friendship and that you will feel able to share about your trials. Please reach out, Anni. That's all you need to do. I am willing. Jess will be.
With Love,
Tori (and the rest of the Gollihughs here, too)
Since Jess called to wish you a Happy Birthday on your birthday, I have dickered over whether to write to you here or not. Since this is the only way I can think of interacting with you... as I do not have your email address (it was lost during my email address change), do not have your snail mail address, and only have your phone number via Jess... and you told me not to ever call again, so I am trying to honor your requirement. Finally, today, my courage has won out. So I write.
Anni, how could we know there was anything wrong? You wrote???!!??? Jessie's email address has been the same for some time (years even). I changed mine because the hotmail address was hacked and I didn't like the feeling of it being easy prey for future hackers... so I'm with another carrier, also free, but it feels safer. Jess never received an email from you in his gmail address. He doesn't get to check it daily, but he does check it often enough that we would've heard about your difficulties if you'd written where he could receive it. Do you have a Gmail account address for him? You could always write to me here via a comment... I DO moderate, so I would not publish yours should you write any personal information.
I know I have not felt any kind of guilt over you or regarding you. I believe Jess when he tells me he has not, either... He has, though, told me (and I can plainly observe that he has felt) just anger toward you, which I sorrow over greatly. I don't know why you would think we would or should have guilty consciences since YOU made it very clear that you haven't wanted anything to do with me and fuss at Jess everytime he tries to interact with you via the phone. I have felt sadness, even great sadness, especially at the beginning of your determination not to have anything to do wtih me, for sure, but not guilt. Anni, why should be feel guilty? You have expressed your desire and I have honored it!
Jess called for Christmas and your Birthday because I urged him to do so thinking that you might be kind and willing to communicate in an open and receptive manner. I have felt urged to contact you (via Jess) because my girls keep asking me to let them write to you for _____ reason... most recently they wanted to write you a birthday letter and send it. Since I don't have your new address, I haven't made the time for them to write the letters they desire to write. If I had, they would only get their hopes up of hearing back from you... and since I can't send it, they couldn't hear back from you! :( I'm absolutely certain the only reason Jess ever broke down to call you on either Christmas or your Birthday was because of my urging on behalf of our daughters. I have asked him to call you again, but he refuses. Our girls have asked when he's going to call you and he gets aggitated and even angry and tells them he'll deal with it when he feels like he can deal with you - so saying in an angry manner.
Honestly, Anni, I feel that you have been most unfair to us. We have been trying... Jessie has, since you made it ultra clear you didn't want to have anything to do with me - while I attempt to honor your request. Even now I feel that I am honoring your desire to have nothing to do with me because, although I'm writing to you, it's really passive since I'm writing to you in my own blog. *sigh* I honestly cannot figure out what you want from us, Anni. We love you and would like to have a friendly familial relationship with you, but our every overature is pushed back at us violently... or, at least, that is how Jessie feels.
You have our phone numbers. They have not changed. If you truly wanted to get in touch with us, that would be a sure-fire way to do so. I know you hate me, so don't call me, I'm okay with that. Call Jess. Relationships require two parties to participate... not just one making all the efforts while the other rejects them.
I'm very sorry for the tiny bit I comprehend of your difficulties. I'm sad to hear that you've endured surgeries and we had no idea. I'm sure we could have only listened, but I, certainly, would have been happy to listen! I hope we might reconnect in familial friendship and that you will feel able to share about your trials. Please reach out, Anni. That's all you need to do. I am willing. Jess will be.
With Love,
Tori (and the rest of the Gollihughs here, too)
Sunday, January 2, 2011
"Towards" versus "Away From" Motivation
This past week I read a post by a blogger I really like. She also has a second post, sort of a follow-up, about the same topic, which I recomend. But the one to which I've linked is the one that started me in the new mental direction I'm pursuing. Another paradigm shift to rock the end of my 2010!!! ^_^ The information containted in that post has been causing many "after shocks" in my mind and conversation since. I'm so interested in and profoundly effected by the recognition of truth and subsequent efforts to synthesize it and create some change in my mind and life resulting from the recognition, that I feel a desire and even need to share the info with those few who may read my meanderings here.
So, here I go!
Motivation is the thing that gets us going in a given direction. That's basic. Everybody knows it. Well, I would assume so anyway.
Have you considered the KIND of motivation effecting your efforts? The kind may well determine, at least in part (probably large), the outcome of your efforts to move in the direction of your choice. How? Let's look at some examples from my life.... just cause you probably know me some and may be able to identify with some of the examples or, at the very least, will surely be able to comprehend the message that pertains to you from my story. Stories are awesome that way, aren't they!?
So, let's say you know this perpetually fat girl. And, since you know me, you DO know at least one! :) Now, most people, to look at me, would not call me morbidly obese, but according to the charts I am. And, at the very least, I feel morbid about my obesity. ;) Seriously, though. I started getting fat, far as I can tell, when I was 10. Since then I've had two pretty good runs at being thinner. My thinnest each time saw me a size 10, but not able to drop the numbers on the scale below 160. Even when I was running 6 miles a day 5-6 days a week. Yes. I'm serious. So... how does this pertain to motivation? Well, what has always been the "inspiration" when motivated to lose weight? To get away from being fat, of course. Okay, so the "of course" really should not be OF COURSE, but for me it has been.
For a good part of my life (most of it!), I've been trying to move "away from" being fat. I've been motivated away from being fat. Well, the thing about "away from" motivation (and I can definitely tell you that in my life this truth is hard, cold, and basically a FACT and not just when it pertains to weight issues) is that when our psyche is far enough away from the source of it's motivation, the effort to move "away from" becomes less and less and eventually most "away from" motivated people (me, me, me!) will stop moving "away from" entirely and slowly slide back into habits that caused the problem from which the away to move "away from" motivation arose at the start of the whole process.
On the other end is our family decision to homeschool. Okay, so in the beginning it was a TORI-decision. But after Jess saw some of the fruit (Ria reading at 4 years old), he decided to embrage the hog and hop on board. ^_^ So, since then we've definitely have "towards" motivation working here in our hearts and home. And how do I know the difference? Well, when it's gotten very difficult and I've wanted to give up... we haven't. We have not stopped homeschooling even though the going has gotten VERY tough at times. We? Yes. Jess has pep-talked me back to determination to keep on keepin' on. It's definitely a team effort here in the Gollihugh home... whether he actually does any "teaching" or not... which he does do, actually quite often, I need my primary cheerleader!!!! I was and still am definitely motivated by some "away from" sort of inspiration, but the primary reason we keep going is because our Father in Heaven has communicated to us that this is the Path He would have us follow. And who would want to move "away from" Him!??!!!??
Another example of "towards" motivation for me is our birthing choices. Sure, there's the desire to move "away from" interventions and "away from" strangers in the process... but for me the first and foremost motivation has always been TOWARD the best experience for my baby, my man, and me (and now our girls, too, of course). And, of course, needing to confess Christ in ALL things, I must confess that His direction in this is THE last word.
In my own self, I have always been motivated toward the healthiest (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) way to give our babies the best very first start. I have been motivated toward doing what I know my body is capeable of doing and doing it in the best way possible, which, for us, has meant: at home, quiet, with our family, midwife, her assistant, and a close friend and/or my Mom to attend to the needs of littles. Yes, we have out young ones present to watch the birth because we desire that they should see their siblings born that they may know there are no if, ands, or buts about the new one's belonging in our family. Once again, this has definitely been a choice for which TOWARD motivation must necessarily be within Jess AND me. Last time (Tea's birth) my midwife had me so riled up and worried that I asked the Lord many times if I could please go to the hospital. He said no. I asked Jess if we could go to the hospital and HE said no. So, the two most important men in my life urged me TOWARD what I wanted most and we three pulled it off with our midwife present to pull the baby out to prevent shoulder distocia (since she was supposed to weigh upwards of 11.5 pounds according to the ultrasound. :p) Ain't God GREAT!??
Currently I am working to change my thinking in lots of ways because of the most recent pradigm shifts I've experienced, this whole motivation thing being the most recent one. One thing I'm really trying to change to TOWARD motivation is how I think about money. As a result of God's grace and provision for us, we were able to pay off our credit cards prior to becoming unemployed. Now, during this down-time (when Jess is working, but his income is NOT entirely sufficient for our needs) I'm striving to change my fiscal mind so that when the time comes and we have sufficient and some excess, we will be able to use what we have to great benefit of our family's future fiscal life.
Of course, I'm also working on TOWARD motivation regarding my body. And then maintaining the TOWARD motivation!
How about you? Can you see any goals you could apply a change of TOWARD motivation to increase the probability of long-term success? I hope you experience some mental earthquakes as a result of this info. I'm sure it'll only be the good kind... to shake your world up and enable you to make it TONS better!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So, here I go!
Motivation is the thing that gets us going in a given direction. That's basic. Everybody knows it. Well, I would assume so anyway.
Have you considered the KIND of motivation effecting your efforts? The kind may well determine, at least in part (probably large), the outcome of your efforts to move in the direction of your choice. How? Let's look at some examples from my life.... just cause you probably know me some and may be able to identify with some of the examples or, at the very least, will surely be able to comprehend the message that pertains to you from my story. Stories are awesome that way, aren't they!?
So, let's say you know this perpetually fat girl. And, since you know me, you DO know at least one! :) Now, most people, to look at me, would not call me morbidly obese, but according to the charts I am. And, at the very least, I feel morbid about my obesity. ;) Seriously, though. I started getting fat, far as I can tell, when I was 10. Since then I've had two pretty good runs at being thinner. My thinnest each time saw me a size 10, but not able to drop the numbers on the scale below 160. Even when I was running 6 miles a day 5-6 days a week. Yes. I'm serious. So... how does this pertain to motivation? Well, what has always been the "inspiration" when motivated to lose weight? To get away from being fat, of course. Okay, so the "of course" really should not be OF COURSE, but for me it has been.
For a good part of my life (most of it!), I've been trying to move "away from" being fat. I've been motivated away from being fat. Well, the thing about "away from" motivation (and I can definitely tell you that in my life this truth is hard, cold, and basically a FACT and not just when it pertains to weight issues) is that when our psyche is far enough away from the source of it's motivation, the effort to move "away from" becomes less and less and eventually most "away from" motivated people (me, me, me!) will stop moving "away from" entirely and slowly slide back into habits that caused the problem from which the away to move "away from" motivation arose at the start of the whole process.
On the other end is our family decision to homeschool. Okay, so in the beginning it was a TORI-decision. But after Jess saw some of the fruit (Ria reading at 4 years old), he decided to embrage the hog and hop on board. ^_^ So, since then we've definitely have "towards" motivation working here in our hearts and home. And how do I know the difference? Well, when it's gotten very difficult and I've wanted to give up... we haven't. We have not stopped homeschooling even though the going has gotten VERY tough at times. We? Yes. Jess has pep-talked me back to determination to keep on keepin' on. It's definitely a team effort here in the Gollihugh home... whether he actually does any "teaching" or not... which he does do, actually quite often, I need my primary cheerleader!!!! I was and still am definitely motivated by some "away from" sort of inspiration, but the primary reason we keep going is because our Father in Heaven has communicated to us that this is the Path He would have us follow. And who would want to move "away from" Him!??!!!??
Another example of "towards" motivation for me is our birthing choices. Sure, there's the desire to move "away from" interventions and "away from" strangers in the process... but for me the first and foremost motivation has always been TOWARD the best experience for my baby, my man, and me (and now our girls, too, of course). And, of course, needing to confess Christ in ALL things, I must confess that His direction in this is THE last word.
In my own self, I have always been motivated toward the healthiest (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) way to give our babies the best very first start. I have been motivated toward doing what I know my body is capeable of doing and doing it in the best way possible, which, for us, has meant: at home, quiet, with our family, midwife, her assistant, and a close friend and/or my Mom to attend to the needs of littles. Yes, we have out young ones present to watch the birth because we desire that they should see their siblings born that they may know there are no if, ands, or buts about the new one's belonging in our family. Once again, this has definitely been a choice for which TOWARD motivation must necessarily be within Jess AND me. Last time (Tea's birth) my midwife had me so riled up and worried that I asked the Lord many times if I could please go to the hospital. He said no. I asked Jess if we could go to the hospital and HE said no. So, the two most important men in my life urged me TOWARD what I wanted most and we three pulled it off with our midwife present to pull the baby out to prevent shoulder distocia (since she was supposed to weigh upwards of 11.5 pounds according to the ultrasound. :p) Ain't God GREAT!??
Currently I am working to change my thinking in lots of ways because of the most recent pradigm shifts I've experienced, this whole motivation thing being the most recent one. One thing I'm really trying to change to TOWARD motivation is how I think about money. As a result of God's grace and provision for us, we were able to pay off our credit cards prior to becoming unemployed. Now, during this down-time (when Jess is working, but his income is NOT entirely sufficient for our needs) I'm striving to change my fiscal mind so that when the time comes and we have sufficient and some excess, we will be able to use what we have to great benefit of our family's future fiscal life.
Of course, I'm also working on TOWARD motivation regarding my body. And then maintaining the TOWARD motivation!
How about you? Can you see any goals you could apply a change of TOWARD motivation to increase the probability of long-term success? I hope you experience some mental earthquakes as a result of this info. I'm sure it'll only be the good kind... to shake your world up and enable you to make it TONS better!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Helpful Weight Related Links
T-Tapp
Explanation and tiny demo
Leg Lift thingy ANOTHER more complete
Back Fat butterfly exercise
Thread the Needle - lower body, about 4 minutes
Lunges the T-Tapp way
Twist the T-Tapp Twist; midsection
Turbo Charge Fat Burning all day
Tricep tightening And another
Foot Fitness the T-Tapp way
Walking workout to step away inches
Balance with T-Tapp
With the Broom
YOGA
A Great Yoga Sequence for weight loss.
Hatha Yoga Flow 4: 55 minute class. Lots of longer classes in the side bar, too! :)
After-Baby Body Full Program
Low Impact Exercises
The Firm for weightloss
Interesting Yoga for Weight Loss
Yoga for Weight Loss: Beginners (not my favorite teacher)
Tamilee Webb
Buns of Steel 2000 on YouTube 55 minutes
Abs of Steel 2000 on YouTube 55 minutes
Thighs of Steel 2000 on YouTube 54 minutes
Arms and Abs of Steel 2000 on YouTube 55 minutes
Other
Bikini Body Workout free online
Flirty Girl Fitness Upper Body
Legs of Steel 2000 on YouTube 56 minutes
Zumba Basics 1 hour
Zumba one version
Freelea interesting fruit vegan and what she has to say.
Crazy Guy Exercises... I'm gunna try to get to doin'! :)
Abs
Crazy Fast Cardio
Explanation and tiny demo
Leg Lift thingy ANOTHER more complete
Back Fat butterfly exercise
Thread the Needle - lower body, about 4 minutes
Lunges the T-Tapp way
Twist the T-Tapp Twist; midsection
Turbo Charge Fat Burning all day
Tricep tightening And another
Foot Fitness the T-Tapp way
Walking workout to step away inches
Balance with T-Tapp
With the Broom
YOGA
A Great Yoga Sequence for weight loss.
Hatha Yoga Flow 4: 55 minute class. Lots of longer classes in the side bar, too! :)
After-Baby Body Full Program
Low Impact Exercises
The Firm for weightloss
Interesting Yoga for Weight Loss
Yoga for Weight Loss: Beginners (not my favorite teacher)
Tamilee Webb
Buns of Steel 2000 on YouTube 55 minutes
Abs of Steel 2000 on YouTube 55 minutes
Thighs of Steel 2000 on YouTube 54 minutes
Arms and Abs of Steel 2000 on YouTube 55 minutes
Other
Bikini Body Workout free online
Flirty Girl Fitness Upper Body
Legs of Steel 2000 on YouTube 56 minutes
Zumba Basics 1 hour
Zumba one version
Freelea interesting fruit vegan and what she has to say.
Crazy Guy Exercises... I'm gunna try to get to doin'! :)
Abs
Crazy Fast Cardio
Sunday, December 26, 2010
A Very Merry and totally Miraculous Christmas!
It all started back in late October or sometime in early November. Projecting our finances, especially after the demotion at River Grille on The Tomoka, I knew we wouldn't be able to afford our "regular" $10 gift Christmas (giving each person $10 to spend on each other person in our little family). While our norm is really quite reasonable, when you do not have enough coming in, there isn't anything else to go out!
While, in truth, this was at first sort of depressing to me, I came up with a plan that was exciting to me and would include wonderful lessons for our whole family... The plan? To allocate only $50 ($10 each), which would be a stretch but much easier than the alternative, and spend it on gift certificates which we would then give to individuals at the homeless camp near-ish our home. When we discussed this plan as a family, the girls were, at first, sort of disappointed about not getting any presents themselves, but then they caught the vision and were excited about giving to those who need so much more than we. Ria even came up with a plan to have an art show to sell their art work so that they could have more money to buy gifts for those in need. Jess agreed with the plan.
Unbeknownst to me, Jess began to reconsider our family agreement. He was trying to figure out ways he could have gifts to give our girls on Christmas. Then he was fired from RG and he became, it seems to me, even more anxious to provide gifts for the girls even though the way for him to do so in and of ourselves was even more impossible. All this without telling me a thing about his thoughts or feelings.
Then, one day in early December he received a phone call from our midwife. He was out grocery shopping. She told him about an organization that chooses 100 Chef's in the area each year and then provides gifts for theChef's children. (My midwife did not know Jess had been fired from RG.) Jess told me he was in shock when he heard her tell him this and then ask if she could submit wish lists for our girls. He thanked her while on the phone, but the magnitude of the magnitude of the blessing only hit him when he got to his car, where he promptly began to shed tears of gratitude.
He came home and told me all about it. I felt angry at first (because he started by telling me he'd been trying to think of how to get gifts for the girls), but as I listened I became aware of the blessing and miracle. My reaction: "You know this is not about our girls. This is about YOU. This is a gift from Father to YOU for our girls because He knows your heart and the wishes of it and He wants to show you that He loves you and that you are worthy in His sight." I think Jessie heard me this time.... He acknowledged the truthfulness of what I said, at least.
There's more.
My Ward family (earth angels, in my sight) gave us gift certificates to use at Wal-Mart for the girls. A lot of them.
There's more.
A really sweet family in our Ward was given dresses (just about the sizes of our daughters), which they wrapped and gave to our girls as well as a matching shirt for Mama. Then, Christmas Eve that same thoughtful family came over to deliver gifts for the girls (2 each, I believe, plus a few gifts for all three)! A whole family of earth angels, that!
So, our Christmas Tree, when we moved all the gifts to places around it, was so very FULL of gifts.... More full than any Christmas I can remember from my childhood... and I have 5 siblings! More full than any Christmas Jess can recall (though he does have only one sib). The only "match" for this Christmas is the Christmas Jessie's sister Anni visited and my sweet, dear friend Heather came to deliver more than 3 large black garbage bags full of presents for our family on Christmas Eve back in 2008 (I think).... We are so very blessed!!!
Now, some might consider all this story a series of sweet coincidences. Some might write it off to synchronicity. Others might say it's a chance collaboration of unlikely events. Another might say it's luck, or a happy accident, fate, or some other such verbal "write off" of what is REALLY miraculous. You see, to see miracles, I have learned, it takes an Eye of Faith. It requires Spiritual Eyes, which are only ever opened BY Fiath, to see what can not be seen by those who would name away that which is plainly seen through Faith... who would close their eyes to what is real and readily before us, but easily explained away. Yes, it IS easy to explain away! I used to do it. Jess has only recently stopped! But let's call a miracle a miracle and open our dimmed eyes to see the fine threads, invisible without Faith, of Father's awesome plan. Let's see them as they intertwine and combine to create this magnificent tapestry we live, it makes up our lives! God's got it! For sure. Let Go, Let God. He will bring so much more than we can provide, if we'll just WAIT ON THE LORD in ALL things!
And so, seeing with my Spiritual Eyes, opened by Faith, I proclaim that THIS, my friends... this Christmas is for Jessie (as well as our daughters, of course... and for me, too, I'm sure, but I just feel SO much that it's FOR Jessie most of all cause it's the wishes and hopes of HIS heart that was answered upon the heads and into the hearts of our children!). Do you see how the Lord loves him?? And our Father loves us ALL this way!!! Isn't His Love amazing??!!!?? The way our AWESOME God knows the wishes and hopes of our heart and manifests them in the world when we are simply TRYING to live as He would have us do to the best of our ability at any given time!??!!
Our God is a personal God. He knows us as individuals and Loves us no matter what. He knows what we are capeable of right now... as well as what we MAY do in the future if we'll just submit to Him and His knowledge and His guidance and do our best understanding of His Will! And He blesses us so tremendously for our pitiful and puny efforts to be like our Dear Savior, Jesus Christ. I must confess Christ in all things. We are commanded to do so and so I do: This is ALL from Him and we are SO VERY THANKFUL!!! We are so thankful to those who have acted as instruments in His hands to bless our lives, to bring such temporal manifestations of God's Love into our world this Christmas. THANK YOU!!!!
Thank you, God.
Merry MERRY Christmas! I hope His Birthday was a lovely day for you and yours and that some of the wishes and hopes of YOUR heart were manifest in this temporal and saddly fallen world of ours! :)
This is my truth. This is my testimony. And I bear this, my testimony, in the name of our Savior and Risen Lord, Jesus Christ. AMEN!
While, in truth, this was at first sort of depressing to me, I came up with a plan that was exciting to me and would include wonderful lessons for our whole family... The plan? To allocate only $50 ($10 each), which would be a stretch but much easier than the alternative, and spend it on gift certificates which we would then give to individuals at the homeless camp near-ish our home. When we discussed this plan as a family, the girls were, at first, sort of disappointed about not getting any presents themselves, but then they caught the vision and were excited about giving to those who need so much more than we. Ria even came up with a plan to have an art show to sell their art work so that they could have more money to buy gifts for those in need. Jess agreed with the plan.
Unbeknownst to me, Jess began to reconsider our family agreement. He was trying to figure out ways he could have gifts to give our girls on Christmas. Then he was fired from RG and he became, it seems to me, even more anxious to provide gifts for the girls even though the way for him to do so in and of ourselves was even more impossible. All this without telling me a thing about his thoughts or feelings.
Then, one day in early December he received a phone call from our midwife. He was out grocery shopping. She told him about an organization that chooses 100 Chef's in the area each year and then provides gifts for theChef's children. (My midwife did not know Jess had been fired from RG.) Jess told me he was in shock when he heard her tell him this and then ask if she could submit wish lists for our girls. He thanked her while on the phone, but the magnitude of the magnitude of the blessing only hit him when he got to his car, where he promptly began to shed tears of gratitude.
He came home and told me all about it. I felt angry at first (because he started by telling me he'd been trying to think of how to get gifts for the girls), but as I listened I became aware of the blessing and miracle. My reaction: "You know this is not about our girls. This is about YOU. This is a gift from Father to YOU for our girls because He knows your heart and the wishes of it and He wants to show you that He loves you and that you are worthy in His sight." I think Jessie heard me this time.... He acknowledged the truthfulness of what I said, at least.
There's more.
My Ward family (earth angels, in my sight) gave us gift certificates to use at Wal-Mart for the girls. A lot of them.
There's more.
A really sweet family in our Ward was given dresses (just about the sizes of our daughters), which they wrapped and gave to our girls as well as a matching shirt for Mama. Then, Christmas Eve that same thoughtful family came over to deliver gifts for the girls (2 each, I believe, plus a few gifts for all three)! A whole family of earth angels, that!
So, our Christmas Tree, when we moved all the gifts to places around it, was so very FULL of gifts.... More full than any Christmas I can remember from my childhood... and I have 5 siblings! More full than any Christmas Jess can recall (though he does have only one sib). The only "match" for this Christmas is the Christmas Jessie's sister Anni visited and my sweet, dear friend Heather came to deliver more than 3 large black garbage bags full of presents for our family on Christmas Eve back in 2008 (I think).... We are so very blessed!!!
Now, some might consider all this story a series of sweet coincidences. Some might write it off to synchronicity. Others might say it's a chance collaboration of unlikely events. Another might say it's luck, or a happy accident, fate, or some other such verbal "write off" of what is REALLY miraculous. You see, to see miracles, I have learned, it takes an Eye of Faith. It requires Spiritual Eyes, which are only ever opened BY Fiath, to see what can not be seen by those who would name away that which is plainly seen through Faith... who would close their eyes to what is real and readily before us, but easily explained away. Yes, it IS easy to explain away! I used to do it. Jess has only recently stopped! But let's call a miracle a miracle and open our dimmed eyes to see the fine threads, invisible without Faith, of Father's awesome plan. Let's see them as they intertwine and combine to create this magnificent tapestry we live, it makes up our lives! God's got it! For sure. Let Go, Let God. He will bring so much more than we can provide, if we'll just WAIT ON THE LORD in ALL things!
And so, seeing with my Spiritual Eyes, opened by Faith, I proclaim that THIS, my friends... this Christmas is for Jessie (as well as our daughters, of course... and for me, too, I'm sure, but I just feel SO much that it's FOR Jessie most of all cause it's the wishes and hopes of HIS heart that was answered upon the heads and into the hearts of our children!). Do you see how the Lord loves him?? And our Father loves us ALL this way!!! Isn't His Love amazing??!!!?? The way our AWESOME God knows the wishes and hopes of our heart and manifests them in the world when we are simply TRYING to live as He would have us do to the best of our ability at any given time!??!!
Our God is a personal God. He knows us as individuals and Loves us no matter what. He knows what we are capeable of right now... as well as what we MAY do in the future if we'll just submit to Him and His knowledge and His guidance and do our best understanding of His Will! And He blesses us so tremendously for our pitiful and puny efforts to be like our Dear Savior, Jesus Christ. I must confess Christ in all things. We are commanded to do so and so I do: This is ALL from Him and we are SO VERY THANKFUL!!! We are so thankful to those who have acted as instruments in His hands to bless our lives, to bring such temporal manifestations of God's Love into our world this Christmas. THANK YOU!!!!
Thank you, God.
Merry MERRY Christmas! I hope His Birthday was a lovely day for you and yours and that some of the wishes and hopes of YOUR heart were manifest in this temporal and saddly fallen world of ours! :)
This is my truth. This is my testimony. And I bear this, my testimony, in the name of our Savior and Risen Lord, Jesus Christ. AMEN!
Labels:
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Thursday, December 16, 2010
End Times: Interesting Stuff
Apparently I did not share much on this when I learned it about a year or so ago. I wanted to fix that especially since my Dad showed interest in this particular aspect of the Path Father has had me on in learning things to bring me to Peace (also more completely to Christ who is the only true bestower of Peace, of course).
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