A Gush Inspired by Another Blogger

So, July 19, 2012 I was reading a few new blogs as I entered my own blog into some "parties" and felt inspired by many of them.  While reading one particular post, though, I felt an absolute need... urging from the Holy Spirit, to do a little gushing of my own on my blog.

We've had our downs and some good ups.  Lots of downs, unfortunately, have been really recent.  And though I have not shared details, those in my day-to-day life have been all too aware that I have been having a difficult time dealing with whatever it is I've had to deal with (this is prior to the spontaeous abortion).  Anyway, I know I've shared it before, but it's pertinent here because of some of my reasons for this post.

One reason I'm going to share what I share in a moment is because I'm striving to feed the good wolf in me.  I recognize that the evil one will always live, but I'd rather it survive in a state of starvation.  So... here we go!

Jessie!

This post is me gushing about what is good about my man.  He is a good man.  He, too, has duality of wolves within... but I've already openly acknoweldged my imperfection.  I must also accept his and we can move on together in peace after we come to acceptance of our humanity!  ^_^

FIRST GUSH

Our kiddos get to be child of the week.  This is pertinent because while they do look forward to "their week" for all of the perks (like they get to say most of the prayers for the family for the whole week, they get to choose their seat for the week, and if there is something else that arises that is sort of special they might get precedence in the position of "honor" or some such nonsense).  This practice has eliminated untold amounts of bickering in our home and I LOVE that about it!!!  But for all the reasons that they love it, their most favorite... the reason they talk about for days leading up to and the rest of the week after is the fact that "their week" means they get to go on a Daddy Daughter Date.  (Jmy hasn't entered the official calendar yet, but I know the need is growing.)

Jessie takes the children along while he runs errands.  While this might not sound like a wonderful date, the girls LOVE it!  They love shopping in any and all forms (can they be mine??!!) and spending time with Daddy while they get to shop... well, that's just the tippy tippy top of "best of" for them!  ^_^  And Jess makes their time special.  There is a special pad of paper in his car that they get to use to write while they drive.  He gives them his iPod to listen to if they want.  They can chat away if that's what they prefer.  And they LOVE all of it!

I know Jess enjoys this time with our girls.  But I also know that he enjoys time on his own, too... and grocery shopping used to be (before we began these DDDs over 6 months ago) some time he would get to be on his own and not have to be at work.  I'm so unbelievably grateful for the sacrifice of alone time he makes to grant our girls time with him!

Second Gush

I have been rather down a LOT more than normal for me.  While my strength is returning (since the spontaneous abortion), it is slow going.  I'm sure if I'd started out a fit female, I would be fine by now.  But I am what I am... extra fluffy... and some gastro-intestinal problems on top.  So, it is what it is as a result.

Jessie has been super wonderful through the two weeks of bleeding and since then.  He's not fussin' about the clutter.  He's not griping that the rabbits area hasn't been cleaned up.  He IS, for the most part, being very kind and uncomplaining.  And that makes a HUGE difference in my book because I feel baddly enough about not managing things well as my body heals.

And the other day... he took the broom from my hands and began sweeping.  THAT has NEVER happened before!  And what a blessing to me that he did such a thing!  Of course, I got the other broom and set to work elsewhere (twice the hands, half the time at work)... but it was just WONDERFUL to feel his love in such a way!

Third Gush

I won't go in to detail on this one.  But I don't need to.  For, you see, the primary reason for this whole post is for my man to know that I see.  That ICU, JessieWho, is still true.

This special acronym (ICU) means a great deal to me... and, I hope, my fella.  When we were dating, I had an idea (I was not going to church, so it seemed pretty unique and romantic to me) from a Chicken Soup for the Soul book to have a sort of motto for our relationship.  So, I came up with "I Choose You."  The acronym for it: ICU has a double meaning.  First, of course, it is an literal acronym for I Choose You.  But it is also a phrase of meaning in and of iteself.  It also means: "i see(C) you(U)."

This is important.  Because in relationships, we can all too easily either only see our spouse as an extension of ourself (flesh of my flesh) or through tinted 'glasses' that do not reveal who THEY are, but who we think they are because of our own life's experiences... or who we want them to be because of expectations of what marriage means, etc.  "ICU" is a promise we made to keep choosing each other, come what may, AND to work to see each other for who we each are.  This is, of course, in opposition to the seeing him as an extension of who I am or who I would like him to be.

So, Jessie, I see the changes you are working to make.  I see and feel the differences.  I am so grateful.  Keep on keepin' on.  Please.  I will, too.  K?  ICU.  Love, Your Girl Forever.

"Towards" versus "Away From" Motivation

This past week I read a post by a blogger I really like.  She also has a second post, sort of a follow-up, about the same topic, which I recomend.  But the one to which I've linked is the one that started me in the new mental direction I'm pursuing.  Another paradigm shift to rock the end of my 2010!!!  ^_^  The information containted in that post has been causing many "after shocks" in my mind and conversation since.  I'm so interested in and profoundly effected by the recognition of truth and subsequent efforts to synthesize it and create some change in my mind and life resulting from the recognition, that I feel a desire and even need to share the info with those few who may read my meanderings here.

So, here I go!

Motivation is the thing that gets us going in a given direction.  That's basic.  Everybody knows it.  Well, I would assume so anyway.

Have you considered the KIND of motivation effecting your efforts?  The kind may well determine, at least in part (probably large), the outcome of your efforts to move in the direction of your choice.  How?  Let's look at some examples from my life.... just cause you probably know me some and  may be able to identify with some of the examples or, at the very least, will surely be able to comprehend the message that pertains to you from my story.  Stories are awesome that way, aren't they!?

So, let's say you know this perpetually fat girl.  And, since you know me, you DO know at least one!  :)  Now, most people, to look at me, would not call me morbidly obese, but according to the charts I am.  And, at the very least, I feel morbid about my obesity.  ;)  Seriously, though.  I started getting fat, far as I can tell, when I was 10.  Since then I've had two pretty good runs at being thinner.  My thinnest each time saw me a size 10, but not able to drop the numbers on the scale below 160.  Even when I was running 6 miles a day 5-6 days a week.  Yes.  I'm serious.  So... how does this pertain to motivation?  Well, what has always been the "inspiration" when motivated to lose weight?  To get away from being fat, of course.  Okay, so the "of course" really should not be OF COURSE, but for me it has been.

For a good part of my life (most of it!), I've been trying to move "away from" being fat.  I've been motivated away from being fat.  Well, the thing about "away from" motivation (and I can definitely tell you that in my life this truth is hard, cold, and basically a FACT and not just when it pertains to weight issues) is that when our psyche is far enough away from the source of it's motivation, the effort to move "away from" becomes less and less and eventually most "away from" motivated people (me, me, me!) will stop moving "away from" entirely and slowly slide back into habits that caused the problem from which the away to move "away from" motivation arose at the start of the whole process.

On the other end is our family decision to homeschool.  Okay, so in the beginning it was a TORI-decision.  But after Jess saw some of the fruit (Ria reading at 4 years old), he decided to embrage the hog and hop on board.  ^_^  So, since then we've definitely have "towards" motivation working here in our hearts and home.  And how do I know the difference?  Well, when it's gotten very difficult and I've wanted to give up... we haven't.  We have not stopped homeschooling even though the going has gotten VERY tough at times.  We?  Yes.  Jess has pep-talked me back to determination to keep on keepin' on.  It's definitely a team effort here in the Gollihugh home... whether he actually does any "teaching" or not... which he does do, actually quite often, I need my primary cheerleader!!!!  I was and still am definitely motivated by some "away from" sort of inspiration, but the primary reason we keep going is because our Father in Heaven has communicated to us that this is the Path He would have us follow.  And who would want to move "away from" Him!??!!!??

Another example of "towards" motivation for me is our birthing choices.  Sure, there's the desire to move "away from" interventions and "away from" strangers in the process... but for me the first and foremost motivation has always been TOWARD the best experience for my baby, my man, and me (and now our girls, too, of course).    And, of course, needing to confess Christ in ALL things, I must confess that His direction in this is THE last word. 

In my own self, I have always been motivated toward the healthiest (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) way to give our babies the best very first start.  I have been motivated toward doing what I know my body is capeable of doing and doing it in the best way possible, which, for us, has meant: at home, quiet, with our family, midwife, her assistant, and a close friend and/or my Mom to attend to the needs of littles.  Yes, we have out young ones present to watch the birth because we desire that they should see their siblings born that they may know there are no if, ands, or buts about the new one's belonging in our family.  Once again, this has definitely been a choice for which TOWARD motivation must necessarily be within Jess AND me.  Last time (Tea's birth) my midwife had me so riled up and worried that I asked the Lord many times if I could please go to the hospital.  He said no.  I asked Jess if we could go to the hospital and HE said no.  So, the two most important men in my life urged me TOWARD what I wanted most and we three pulled it off with our midwife present to pull the baby out to prevent shoulder distocia (since she was supposed to weigh upwards of 11.5 pounds according to the ultrasound.  :p)  Ain't God GREAT!??

Currently I am working to change my thinking in lots of ways because of the most recent pradigm shifts I've experienced, this whole motivation thing being the most recent one.  One thing I'm really trying to change to TOWARD motivation is how I think about money.  As a result of God's grace and provision for us, we were able to pay off our credit cards prior to becoming unemployed.  Now, during this down-time (when Jess is working, but his income is NOT entirely sufficient for our needs) I'm striving to change my fiscal mind so that when the time comes and we have sufficient and some excess, we will be able to use what we have to great benefit of our family's future fiscal life.

Of course, I'm also working on TOWARD motivation regarding my body.  And then maintaining the TOWARD motivation!

How about you?  Can you see any goals you could apply a change of TOWARD motivation to increase the probability of long-term success?  I hope you experience some mental earthquakes as a result of this info.  I'm sure it'll only be the good kind... to shake your world up and enable you to make it TONS better!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Happy Husbands

make happy homes!

I know it is often said that a Mother is the heart of the home and her attitude is sort of the thermometer or barometer of the home. I would agree with this, in general, but in my life and, specifically, my family life currently, the feeling my husband brings home with him infects me tremendously! Jess came home (and often does!) so cheerful today. I was feeling totally poopy because I've had a headache since... well, for over two weeks now. Not only does my head hurt, but I have begun to feel oppressed by pain. So, I wasn't in a terribly good mood. But Jess was happy when he came home and he didn't get poopy just because I was poopy. He stayed up-beat and just felt really positive for his brief lunch time with us.

I found that by the end of lunch together AND after he left I felt so much more able to cope with the constant pain because my mood was lifted by that of my hubbie. And the further I went into my afternoon and evening the more I've felt gratitude for this aspect of my husband because when he's happy I feel happier!! It's times like these that I'm so grateful that Jess has a work schedule that enables him to be home with us during the middle-ish part of the day. :)

Ria was talking to her Aunt Evelyn early this evening because today is her birthday. During the course of their really rather long conversation, Ria told Evelyn that her Daddy needed to get another job. She named only one specific reason for this and then went on to explain that he needed to get a really good job, but that he still had to be able to come home for lunch with us. I thought that was so interesting and wonderful. Especially because I really struggled with an idea for lunch today! I mean, I'm sure Ria would love having her Daddy home even if we didn't eat with him, but the couple of times that situation has actually occured, it really troubled her that we didn't eat a meal with her Daddy. It's just nice to realize, I guess, that I'm doing something that matters to her! Ya know? :)

Walk
I was actually able to go for a walk today! I went quite early because the sky was quite overcast and I was afraid I would get rained in if I waited until my normal time. So, I perspired a great deal more than I normally would have for the pace I walked (because it was QUITE hot even though overcast), but I felt SO much better after the walk than I have since Tuesday (when I was last able to walk). My head still hurt, but the pain was diminished! YEAY!!! I did a 66 minute walk and would have liked to do more, but the girls were bickering a bit too much for me to keep going since we were so close to home at the end.

Made It Through The Weekend

And now I have THE worst kink in my upper back! UGH! It's not a nice feeling. Nope. It sure isn't! I think I slept wrong....

So, we made it through Saturday without a single arguement. There was a group of minutes when I was particularly perterbed. You see, my dear husband rarely says what he actually means. I think it's a guy thing, really... at least a guy-in-relationship thing. Or, perhaps more specifically, it's those guys who are in relationships with strong women and don't like to deal with anything uncomfortable. Anyway! So, I was working online a lot on Saturday. It was nice to have the girls otherwise occupied and I was taking advantage of their focus being somewhere other than on ME! Perhaps I was on the computer a bit long, but it was refreshing for me, so difficult to stop. So, what's the point? Well, after a bit Jess calls to me and tells me he thinks he's ruined the macaroni.

He was supposed to be working on the Macaroni Salad for the social. Instead of completing that, he stopped and did something else, and then swept the floor, then we had lunch, after that he vaccuumed up the piles... so he'd left the macaroni for a little while. When he finally got back to it it was a while later. So, the CHEF calls me? I'm like, "Uh. Ok, so you forgot about it. What am I supposed to do??" He calls back that he's frustrated and would I please come and take a look at what he's dealing with.

So, I go to the kitchen. The macaroni is definitely stuck together. I'm wondering, 'What does he think I can do about it that HE can't?' I say something about that, but without the 'tude and he sorta whines that he doesn't know. So, I suggest (which I think is pretty obvious) that he rinse the macaroni and break it up under the water, "I really don't think it's entirely ruined," I tell him. And here comes one of the two REAL reasons he's called me out. "Well, would you do something to help me because I can't really DO that with the dishes in the sink. I'll just ruin it more than I have!" Ok, so, why couldn't he ask me to just do the dishes? And the other (probably main) reason he called me, which he didn't allude to in a verbal way, was that he just wanted me to hang out with him in the living spaces rather than hole myself away with the computer.

Perhaps I'm wrong. But I doubt it. We'll likely never know the truth because if Jessie were asked he would tell you I AM wrong, definitely... but then you'd have to ask him if Bulgar is a different variety of wheat or just a preparation!!

See, Jess and I used to have this thing... well, perhaps it's more something I did. But you'd understand if you knew how Jess ALWAYS thinks he's right. Often times ALL of the proof is RIGHT in front of him and he will refuse to acknowledge that he is wrong. He started saying some bull, "I'm not wrong, just misunderstood!" Well, when you say Bulgar is a variety of Wheat and then learn that it's a prepration of it, there's not much arguing that you were misunderstood! (And that is just THE most recent example.) I used to keep track, on a calendar that I still have, of every time Jessie admitted he was actually wrong. It's important that one not lose sight of one's own fallability - if we don't, we begin to have pride greater than others can tolerate! Trust me when I tell you, I readily admit when I'm wrong and often appologize for making an assumption or presumption! It takes a GREAT deal of proving and then provocation for the same to happen with Jess.

The incident with the Bulgar was the closest we came to actually having an issue, so to speak, this weekend. Oh, and Jessie was off from the Club (pm) on Friday, off Almond Blossom (AM) Sat and Sun, AND off the Club on Sat. So, we ended up having about 2 whole days together. Pretty sweet, huh? :)

A Bit of a Good Surprise

So, yesterday Jess was home from the Club, that's the pm job, and got a taste of what I deal with almost daily with Ria. She was supposed to be cleaning her room. (She totally knows how to do this already and I've even written up a guide for her, which she has successfully used to completely clean her room.) Well, she was in one of her moods and had already spent about an hour moping in her room about how she wasn't going to clean it.

On this scene Jess arrives. At first he just fusses at her and warns her. Then he decides that he's going to be in there with her. Thereafter follows much more fussing and frustration on both sides. Eventually it gets a bit quieter and it's obvious that there is work being done. That's good, right? Except that his presence there completely undermined what I'd told Ria would happen when her Daddy got home. I addressed this issue with him, as well as the fact that he completely did not come to speak to me about it when I called him (I couldn't leave the meal I was preparing). Well, basically right after I shared my frustrations with him about his behavior and treatment of me he had Ria start cleaning up in the livingroom. Then, while she was doing that, HE started sweeping in the dining room. By the time he was done he had swept the dining room and living room!

Ok, so probably there are some of you whose hubbies do this sort of thing regularly. Well, Jess isn't one. He cooks regularly, but he doesn't clean up after or clean anything else very regularly. I can count on one hand (including this event) the number of times he has swept the floor since we've lived here (almost EIGHTEEN MONTHS!!!). So, this was a bit of a surprise, and, for sure, a REALLY good one!!! :)

I'm sure I will post more later. I have one sculpture to show yall, but I haven't got the pictures ready, so it will have to wait.