Happy Birthday

To Me!  ^_^

I'm 38 today.  I feel like such a baby in so many ways, so sit's hard to believe I'm well on my way to becoming an older lady!  HA!!!

Only 10am and it's already been a great day.  I want to share a couple things that have helped it feel that way.  First, is the joyful manner with which my children have greeted me and wished me happiness today.  Although it has subsided already, they were starting out well with their chores and responsibilities.  At least it started out well.  They could've just done poorly with that from the start (or: as usual).

I was able to take a walk.  It helps me to get out of the house and away from my load of responsibilities.  I left a lot later than normal because the weather is rather cold and I've been worried about how the mists are effecting me and baby girl.  Thankfully they were basically gone by the time I went out.  Yeay!  :)

Lots of facebook friends have wished me a Happy Birthday.  That definitely brings brightness to my day.  I'm so grateful!

The best thing, probably, so far, is the 'secret' gift my children delivered a few days ago.  They wanted to give me a surprise party.  I don't like surprises unless I've asked for them.  So... they did something that could be a surprise/secret.

Now, try and tell me that's NOT funny!!

 

That's today.

Once you read the letter,

you'll understand better what this is all about.  ^_^

 

Pretty sweet letter!  I'll transcribe it below.

 

My oldest daughter wrote the letter.  It says:
Dear Mrs. Gollihugh,

We are the mama boosters. & we have been to mama's house before. & we had a vote about a month ago & the subject of the vote was you!  We the four mama booster's all agreed that you are the best mother on the face of the earth so along  with this Letter there will also be a blue ribbon because you have won the blue ribbon of being the best mother ever miss Gollihugh we apreeceate what you do very much.  keep doing what you do & keep being who you are!

Sincerely,

the mama booster's

P.S.

Happy birthday!  from the mama boosters.

 

So, the picture before the letter is my Blue Ribbon.  How awesome and wonderful is that!!!??  Pretty sweet gift, if you ask me!  My children have risen up and called me blessed.  My business is growing bit by bit... I'm becoming a Proverbs 31 woman.  Praise the Lord, for His mercy endureth forever!!!!

 

His Mercy Endureth Forever!

Praise the Lord, for His mercy endureth forever!  I'm so happy i cannot contain myself.  I desire to share of God's mercy to ME and a bit to my family.  Although I cannot do so in detail about all, i ache to share the detail i am able to share!

This morning, i left for my walk feeling good and hopeful that the heavy clouds would not burst upon me in the way they did on Wednesday.  What an eventuful morning walk THAT was... just getting wet and hanging out under a tree as I did.  ^_^

Well, i didn't get too far before they started to drip... those dang clouds started wetting me with a mist and then a full on downpour.  I was more worried about babygirl getting wet by that horrible first rain... chemtrial rain that is more likely to have lots of the horrible chemicals used by those who desire to poison the earth.  So, i took shelter under a tree.

Before i took shelter, though, i must confess that I was less than my best.  On my walks i talk to and listen to our Father in Heaven.  When it was obvious that the wet was going to be much more than the mist it started out as, i felt upset and told our Father about it.  I said, "I feel betrayed.  It doesn't normally rain in the morning and i feel betrayed that it isn't held off for me to finish my walk.  I know such is possible, but is not being done and i feel betrayed."  Soon after i stopped under a tree.  It was good shelter and babygirl wasn't getting wet much at all - especially in her sling.  She just suckled away and was content.

As I was standing there, i finished griping at Father and began thanking Him.  I didn't know what for, but i wanted to thank Him... so i did.  Before I got very far, I noticed a car drive by.  And then, a moment later, i noticed the same car driving back toward me in reverse.  When parallel to me, the driver (a woman in workout attire), holding up an umbrella verbally offered it to me.  I was a little shocked, but very happy and even more thankful.  I asked if there was some way i could return it to her, she said no, i took it and she drove away.

If I'd had to wait for the rain to abate, I would've been standing under that tree for at least 15 minutes.  Praise the Lord for providing me a way to continue my walk with Him!  ^_^

Even now i feel some of the swellings in my heart that i felt in the moment.  SUCH gratitude and Love.  Some of it is my own (especially the gratitude), but most of the Love is me feeling what Father was communicating to me for and about me.  How awesome!  And although I am special and dear to Him, I am no more so than you!  He loves us all exactly the same, though still differently!  ^_^  I felt chastened, too, and blessed and SO Loved.

Our Father is EVER Faithful.  It is our challenge, seperated from Him as we are by the veil of forgetfulness, to be Faithful to Him!

The other thing is something I've been praying over for weeks.  I've been so worried and even tearful during prayer to Father about this other thing.  More recently I began to hear that something pertinent to the issue over which I have been praying would appear before the end of the month (August).  Even more recently, I heard that a piece of the puzzle that I need will be provided on August 26th.  Well, I received a call about an hour ago that communicated to me that the puzzle piece i do not have, but need, may well be provided on Monday (OR BEFORE).

Praise the Lord, for His Mercy Endureth Forever!!!!  Our God is a MIGHTY God!

A Gush Inspired by Another Blogger

So, July 19, 2012 I was reading a few new blogs as I entered my own blog into some "parties" and felt inspired by many of them.  While reading one particular post, though, I felt an absolute need... urging from the Holy Spirit, to do a little gushing of my own on my blog.

We've had our downs and some good ups.  Lots of downs, unfortunately, have been really recent.  And though I have not shared details, those in my day-to-day life have been all too aware that I have been having a difficult time dealing with whatever it is I've had to deal with (this is prior to the spontaeous abortion).  Anyway, I know I've shared it before, but it's pertinent here because of some of my reasons for this post.

One reason I'm going to share what I share in a moment is because I'm striving to feed the good wolf in me.  I recognize that the evil one will always live, but I'd rather it survive in a state of starvation.  So... here we go!

Jessie!

This post is me gushing about what is good about my man.  He is a good man.  He, too, has duality of wolves within... but I've already openly acknoweldged my imperfection.  I must also accept his and we can move on together in peace after we come to acceptance of our humanity!  ^_^

FIRST GUSH

Our kiddos get to be child of the week.  This is pertinent because while they do look forward to "their week" for all of the perks (like they get to say most of the prayers for the family for the whole week, they get to choose their seat for the week, and if there is something else that arises that is sort of special they might get precedence in the position of "honor" or some such nonsense).  This practice has eliminated untold amounts of bickering in our home and I LOVE that about it!!!  But for all the reasons that they love it, their most favorite... the reason they talk about for days leading up to and the rest of the week after is the fact that "their week" means they get to go on a Daddy Daughter Date.  (Jmy hasn't entered the official calendar yet, but I know the need is growing.)

Jessie takes the children along while he runs errands.  While this might not sound like a wonderful date, the girls LOVE it!  They love shopping in any and all forms (can they be mine??!!) and spending time with Daddy while they get to shop... well, that's just the tippy tippy top of "best of" for them!  ^_^  And Jess makes their time special.  There is a special pad of paper in his car that they get to use to write while they drive.  He gives them his iPod to listen to if they want.  They can chat away if that's what they prefer.  And they LOVE all of it!

I know Jess enjoys this time with our girls.  But I also know that he enjoys time on his own, too... and grocery shopping used to be (before we began these DDDs over 6 months ago) some time he would get to be on his own and not have to be at work.  I'm so unbelievably grateful for the sacrifice of alone time he makes to grant our girls time with him!

Second Gush

I have been rather down a LOT more than normal for me.  While my strength is returning (since the spontaneous abortion), it is slow going.  I'm sure if I'd started out a fit female, I would be fine by now.  But I am what I am... extra fluffy... and some gastro-intestinal problems on top.  So, it is what it is as a result.

Jessie has been super wonderful through the two weeks of bleeding and since then.  He's not fussin' about the clutter.  He's not griping that the rabbits area hasn't been cleaned up.  He IS, for the most part, being very kind and uncomplaining.  And that makes a HUGE difference in my book because I feel baddly enough about not managing things well as my body heals.

And the other day... he took the broom from my hands and began sweeping.  THAT has NEVER happened before!  And what a blessing to me that he did such a thing!  Of course, I got the other broom and set to work elsewhere (twice the hands, half the time at work)... but it was just WONDERFUL to feel his love in such a way!

Third Gush

I won't go in to detail on this one.  But I don't need to.  For, you see, the primary reason for this whole post is for my man to know that I see.  That ICU, JessieWho, is still true.

This special acronym (ICU) means a great deal to me... and, I hope, my fella.  When we were dating, I had an idea (I was not going to church, so it seemed pretty unique and romantic to me) from a Chicken Soup for the Soul book to have a sort of motto for our relationship.  So, I came up with "I Choose You."  The acronym for it: ICU has a double meaning.  First, of course, it is an literal acronym for I Choose You.  But it is also a phrase of meaning in and of iteself.  It also means: "i see(C) you(U)."

This is important.  Because in relationships, we can all too easily either only see our spouse as an extension of ourself (flesh of my flesh) or through tinted 'glasses' that do not reveal who THEY are, but who we think they are because of our own life's experiences... or who we want them to be because of expectations of what marriage means, etc.  "ICU" is a promise we made to keep choosing each other, come what may, AND to work to see each other for who we each are.  This is, of course, in opposition to the seeing him as an extension of who I am or who I would like him to be.

So, Jessie, I see the changes you are working to make.  I see and feel the differences.  I am so grateful.  Keep on keepin' on.  Please.  I will, too.  K?  ICU.  Love, Your Girl Forever.

Love; a River

Always flowing
changing, growing.

This love I feel for you.
Yet forever: true blue.

At inception,
meant for fun.

But then it changed.
Everything re-arranged.

The glacier melted,
by you: smelted.

Rock metal rivers through the wold ran.
Water river: Love, from ice, began.

Metal ahead of us rolled.
Various types, our fave: gold.

Laid the bed on which our love would flow.
And it surely has, don't you know.

That bed, though metal
did not smoothly settle.

So, we've had to battle our way
through many a turbulent day.

But though we may bubble and froth
We do not over-long remain wroth.

As does a real river,
our love grows, always it does deliver.

And when, one day, this mortal life has its end,
our river of love will, into the infinite ocean blend.

Not a drop will be lost.
No matter the cost.

For the infinite mind
is ever so kind.

There we will reside.
Amid the tide.

Wherever.
Forever.

I'm LINKED and at Raising Homemakers and at Inspire Me Monday!

On Trust, Love and Marriage

Something I've Seen on Facebook:Trust doesn't come with a refill. Once it's gone, you probably won't get it back, and if you do; it will never be the same! And that's a fact!

Very Close to My Actual Response to the Above:
true. yet we must all be courageous and mature enough to realize, understand and truly learn (thus live) the additional truth that love and trust are not mutually exclusive. They exist as seperate, though intrinsically connected, entities. However, one can continue when the other is destroyed. And marriages can be maintained on love or trust alone. It is best and easiest when both are possible, but not necessary.

Additional Thoughts I Desire to Share Here:
So, who said you have to trust your man (or woman) to be able to have a positive and beneficial union?  I have completely rejected this fallacious premise.  You see, although I know trust is AWESOME to have and would love to feel it, I have been through too much to give it right now.  It can be earned.  But once broken too many times, it can truly become un-put-back-together-able... or take so much time to re-exist that it seems like it's not possible to have it again.  At least, this is my current experience.

Does having reason to distrust my man mean that I cannot love him and build a good marriage with him?  Well, most people would say that this is absolutely true.  I disagree.  Does it make life more difficult, to not trust your spouse?  Certainly.  It just does.  That's part of the package when mistrust enters (for good reason or imagined).  Just for the record, my reasons for distrust would overfill a VERY large... hmmmm... a very large something-or-other.  VERY large.  And they are not created or enlarged... these are actual reasons.

Does this mean that Chef Jessie is a bad person?  Absolutely not!  He's actually a model of honesty and integrity with everyone other than me.  Does that hurt, yepper-y-sir-it-sure-do!  But do I focus on that stuff?  Nope.  Sure don't.  The mistrust IS always there.  But I do not focus on it, you see.  It's like anything negative... any problem any of us have... it's always there... that addiction to chocolate, or cigarettes... or that short fuse that, when burned results in overmuch anger... or that problem with mean thoughts... or that desire to spend, spend, spend... or the need to exercise so much that one becomes obsessed to the exclusion of all else that is important.  You see, anything can become a problem if we focus overmuch on it.  Even good stuff!

Anyway... back to my point.

Things are not perfect.  They never will be because Jess and I are both... MORTAL.  We're human.  Problems are part and parcel of this experience called Life.  Like I keep finding myself saying to my girls, "It's easy to be a problem maker.  It's easy to see something that needs to be or could be done and come up with all the problems to prevent you from getting anywhere with it.  But we don't need to do what's easy.  We need to be problem solvers.  Not problem makers!"

How does that pertain?  Well, it does because I don't trust my man.  Do I allow this problem to get in the way of positive interactions with my man?  Nope.  Do I allow this problem I have with him prevernt me from strengthening bonds through physical means, including affection, hand-holding, and otherwise?  No-siree-bob.  Sure don't.  Do I allow the lack of trust I feel toward my husband to turn into a belief that I don't love my husband?  Okay... well, on this one I feel Led to disclose a bit.  When I first learned about a long period of lies... well, I did confuse love with trust.  I did think that if he was untrustworthy, then I couldn't love him.  Honestly, I did.  But I learned, from something I read somewhere (sorry I cannot recall where or even specifically what brought about the epiphany), that trust and love are not the same.  One can exist without the other.  Is it optimal?  Is it a preference to have either without the other.  No.  And no.  But that doesn't mean it is BAD to continue on with only one of those virtues existant in a marriage.

I believe that marriage is worth more than a "need" for complete trust AND/OR love.  If I could trust Jessie, but felt like I didn't love him, I would stay married to him.  Because I know that I can choose to love him again.  The same is true about trust.  I could choose to trust him right now.  I will not because I just will not.  Not right now.  I'm just not strong enough to go down that road again right now.  But I also accept that I can love him, build a stronger marriage with him and have good experiences with him without trust.  Now... if communication went down the drain along with the trust... I'm not so sure I could hang on terribly long (been there, don't work so hot!).  But love and communication truly can provide a reasonably good foundation for a marriage... or a good crack-fixer-upper if the foundation has been cracked or messed up in some bigger way by the realization of untrustworthiness.

At least, I believe this is true as a result of experiences in my own life.

my Man: Chef Jessie
P.S.
I do agree that if trust is rebuilt, it simply never ever is the same.  How could it be?!!?

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I Heard About a Couple Marches A Couple of Times Today...

I heard about them from a friend and then via a blog I sometimes read.  And I just feel compelled to write about it.  Mostly in answer to those Mormons who would support the D.C. March.  I mean, I could see supporting the one in SLC, but NOT the one in D.C.

So... here's what I have to say for anyone interested.  :)

Gay people certainly deserve to be loved by any and every one, just as all of us do.  This is not our reality because we live in a fallen world, of course.  But I believe they (as all of us) DO deserve love, acceptance, and agency.

As Christians, we Mormons and other Christians, we are commanded to love everyone.  Even those who practice a homosexual lifestyle!

I love them.  I accept that their life choice to practice homosexuality IS their choice and an expression of their agency.  I will not support (and we have been directed, I believe, of the Lord and our Leadership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints that we should not support) their efforts to have their union legally qualified, declared, and made marriage.  It is not.  It is a union that is NOT sanctioned by God.  There is no way to argue that it is if you believe in God, His Word, and modern-day revelation.

Whether anyone believes it or not, homosexuals ARE either born desiring those of their own gender OR come to know it during the period of sexual awakening in the tween or teen years.  This happens without any thought on the matter whatsoever by those individuals.  However, they use their agency to choose the Lord's Way or the way of the flesh.  This is the same struggle (though more intense, surely) that most humans have in various forms.  It is (surely among many difficulties they are here to overcome), a part of or the primary source of their "cross" to bear and their "natural man" to overcome.

If gay marriage is legalized across the board in our nation, one day the right of every worthy Mormon to worship in the Temple will be discontinued, at worst, and, at best, interrupted because it will be put in jeapardy by court proceedings originating within the homosexual community.  Someone will desire to be sealed to their same-sex partner and push their marriage on the LDS Church and try to push it in to the Temple for the Sealing Ordinance.

This would interrupt every Mormon's ability and legally protected right to worship as we desire and have been commanded of the Lord to do.  Thus, the reason we are directed that we must love our neighbor, but not necessarily encourage all his legal efforts toward having his or her union called the same (marriage) when it simply is not the same.

March for love, tolerance and agency (which, as I understand it was the purpose of the SLC March).  NOT for equal marriage “rights”  (as was the purpose of the D.C. march).  Oh, DANGEROUS Doctrine!

Some Kitty Loves You

My girls love to receive mail. When they learn that an envelope contains mail for them they beam ever so brightly and Ria often jumps up and down, which is followed quickly by Kat doing the same. Well, my girls received letters from Mimi a couple days ago. Ria raced through reading hers to herself, then read Kat's, then re-read her own out loud for Kat to hear. Obviously, Ria loves letters.

While perhaps not obvious in the same way, Kat loves letters, too. Please keep in mind this is a case specific story, but it is generally true for each piece of mail she receives.

Okay, so I handed Kat her letter. I asked if I could read it to her. She refused vociferously (and LOUDLY). She snatched the letter away from my waiting hands (I had assumed wrongly that she would like me to read it, of course). She proceeded to hold it to her chest many minutes. Then she looked down at it and unfolded it. She continued to look at it, once open. Ria was interested in what Mimi might say to Kat, so it was while Kat was looking at the opened letter that Ria offered to read Kat's letter out loud. I guess the time between my offer and Ria's was a sufficient length of time for Kat to admire her letter without knowing what was IN it because she happily handed it over to Ria. I'm sure it has NOTHING to do with how much Ria is just the "IT" for Kat. ;) Ria read it for Kat who promptly took it back.

Kat carried the letter around a bit. She fanned herself with it. She opened it, looked, admired, closed it. Eventually she left it on the ground in her room (having tried to take it to bed with her).

This evening she found it again. She picked it up. Over a period of about an hour she spent time writing on it, holding it, "reading" it, opening and closing it, clutching it to her chest, and eventually she spent a good deal of time holding it in bed while I cuddled with Ria. The conclusion of the time with her letter today ended with her crumpling it up and tossing it to the floor. Do not mistake this for lack of interest or devotion, this is (unfortunately) just the way Kat let's things go when she's done for the day and/or that moment in time.

I will be surprised if, at some point tomorrow, I do not see her holding, "reading", hugging, and many other loving/attentive behaviors with her letter from Mimi. This sort of loving a letter in place of her Mimi happens with each new piece of mail she receives and usually lasts between 3 and 7+ days.

Thus the title of today's post. Some Kitty loves you, Mimi! Of course, there are three other gals and a guy that love you, too. But I thought Kat's behavior deserved documentation. I hope you've enjoyed this true tale of Mimi love! ^_^

Since it's mostly about Kat...
I wanted to share some neat news and my great pleasure in my 2.5 year old middle daughter. Kat and I have been "doing school" for a few months now with a good bit of regularity. Our three classes consist of Bible Character Study (with Ria sometimes), Math, and Reading. We have (in case you're wondering) begun using How To Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. It was rough going in the beginning and lessons lasted about 5 minutes (if I was lucky!). But MAN has Kat progressed! We're about to start lesson 7 and she is recognizing/reading all the sounds introduced thus far with no mistakes the first time we run through them. She gets bored during the second time around and doesn't pay close attention, so she misses some, but self-corrects when I let her know her first answer was wrong. Additionally, she's reading two sound "words" correctly (including ME and AT). I'm just so pleased and impressed with her and wanted to share. I'm sure she'll finish within a year from now. So, I'll have a 3.5 year old reader! Isn't that awesome!? Of course, if life happens and she isn't finished by the time I have in my head, I'll still be pleased that she desires to learn how to read and makes efforts toward that ability!

When I look into your eyes...

Jess told me that this morning Ria said to him, "When I look into your eyes, I know that I love you." The things they say, right!? So sweet!

When Jess was leaving for work a few moments ago, Ria came over to me and asked to do love fits with me. When I looked at her funny (because this is usually something we do when someone is leaving) she said, "I just want to do love fits with you because I love you!" My heart felt all melty, of course! :)

Kitty Kat is pretending so much. She's been doing this one particular thing for a while. I wish I understood what it is she's giving me... but, alas, her words are still often unintelligible. Basically, she'll bring something over to me in her closed little fist and "say things" until I put my hand out. Then she'll turn her hand as if putting something into my hand. She often adds a tapping of her hand on my hand to this whole scenario. She's told me what it is that she's giving to me, but I couldn't tell ya what it's actually supposed to be. As long as I smile and thank her for sharing, she is VERY pleased and giving me all kinds of goofy-cute smiles!

My funny sweet girls!

Jess is feeling under-the-weather today. The actual weather outside is pretty dreary, too, so I'm sure that doesn't help things. I actually realized that my feelings of a sort of physically depressive-ness could well be because of the barometer this week! No, seriously! Why wouldn't the body have a reaction to the weather!?? It makes sense because I haven't felt all down and out emotionally, but I HAVE felt really slow and poopy physically, but not ill, per se. Interesting.