Jessie's CLASS
So, today is the day Jessie finished preparing and presented his class. He did a good job in the presentation of it. I have to say, though, that this whole thing seemed really important to him! I must explain this point. If you know Jess, then it will NOT surprise you to learn that not much of anything fazes him most of the time. Usually he's as cool as a refrigerated cucumber even when the situation might call for some quick movements. When he was in his externship for his Culinary degree, one of the main complaints his supervising chef had about his behavior was that he did not seem to have a 'sense of urgency'. If you know Jess, you're sitting there nodding your head in complete understanding of this "problem". If you don't know Jess, let me illustrate further.
Totally off track info about Jessie
Jess doesn't react to most things. It's amazing to hear him laugh out loud (and music to this chica's ears, I must add!). It's actually frightening to see concern or fear in his countenance. There was once that I was much more extremely alarmed than I would have been in the situation alone because of Jessie's concern. We were driving home from the temple and we were eating pistachios (in the shell). Ria was actually doing quite well at unshelling them, but I guess she decided to try to "suck" a nut out of a shell the way she saw/heard her Daddy do. The hoover move wasn't nut specific, so she inhaled the nut AND shell and alarmed me AND Jess by sounding like she was choking to death. Jess was actually driving (SUPER unusual on temple trips) and I looked at him just as he was reacting. His face was this horrible death mask and he was breaking and swerving into a right hand turn off of the main road onto a side road. We actually left rubber on the road (driving the VAN!). When I saw his face my heart jumped in my throat BECAUSE he looked really concerned (for Jess, of course) and then his physical reaction (the way he drove the van) was just more than I could handle. I didn't actually start crying, but I felt all the same physical reactions I feel along with tears of relief. So, perhaps this isn't such a wonderful example if you don't know Jess, but it's close to the best I've got.
I'll go for another one... when Jess is mad he doesn't usually look mad. His face doesn't get all screwed up in a scowl (most of the time). Instead he throws or breaks things and every once in a while he yells. While this may also not be the best example, I "throw" it out there to further illustrate the difficulty in "reading" this husband of mine. He's a subtle read, for sure! I'm like reading a youth novel: it's all out there. Jessie is like reading an adult mystery novel: the hints are so misleading that you're TOTALLY surprised by the wrap up at the end! (Ok, so this might be a bit more extreme than Jess normally is, but I think hyperbole is appropriate given the kind of "read" I am!!! heeheehee)
Back on track now
My whole point in sharing ALL that tangent information (isn't it amazing how geometry figures into literary work!!) is to share that Jess was snippy with me and the girls as he was trying to finish preparing for his class this afternoon. He was short with me when he was trying to locate alternate recipes for the packet of recipes he wanted to have available. And he was short with and annoyed by the girls when they were hanging around him as he worked on the computer. If you know Jess AND me, then you might think I was talking about myself because when I'm under stress this is the behavior I generally exhibit. However, I was the cool cucumber today; believe it or not!
While this is not terribly extreme behavior for most people, it's VERY telling when paired with the man called Jessie. He was concerned, excited, and generally all tied up about the upcoming class! (My opinion, of course, from my point of view.) WOW... he cares! ^_^ Of course he does... I mean, he considers it "OUR" Ward. Most everyone knows him and of course he would care how he performed in front of them. It's just really REALLY rare for him to show any sign that these things/thoughts effect him at all!
I just finished reading the above information to Jessie and he asked me to make note of some information I have, however inadvertently, left unmentioned to this point in my blog. I will quote my DH, "I am Super Human. No explanation needed." I'm sure you may want an explanation, and I will happily explain further if anyone leaves a comment letting me know they actually WOULD like further info on the Super Human I married. :)
A Cute and Sweet Kitty Kat Moment
I have been rather anal with the girls about picking up their toys for Jessie's imminent arrivals home since he "laid into" me about the house last week. I must add here that while Jess didn't actually yell or say much of anything most people (women specifically) would consider mean or nasty, there are degrees and that confrontation was a level 3 relative to our relationship. As I was letting Ria know she needed to clean up in preparation for Daddy's arrival home, I went to the bathroom.
The next thing I know Kitty Kat is hollerin, "Daee, Daee..." this is, of course, how she says "Daddy." I thought she was confused, thinking Daddy was already home. She came into the bathroom and repeated, "Daee," but this time I could see her body language. This little lady communicates at least half of what she's trying to say with the way she looks at things or with the things she does with her hands. So, the body language bit with Kat is SUPER important!
Okay, so Kat comes in and says, "Daee," while patting her head. I asked her if her head hurt (which didn't really make sense since she was saying Daddy, but she does pat her head to tell us it hurts). She shook her head and repeated the previous with an added look up onto the counter in the bathroom where we keep the brush. AH HA! It came together. "Do you want Mama to do your hair for Daddy to come home?" I asked her. She smiled really big and nodded her head in the way that makes her go a little off balance when she's standing up. (Very cute, in case you were wondering!) So, I told her I would be happy to do her hair and she turned around and backed up into the place she and Ria stand when I do their hair. I put it up in a little half up pony-tail. When she turned around she was standing in the way she does when she's looked for feedback on how pretty she looks. And, of course, to this adoring Mama she looked like a beauty queen. So, I told her that I thought she looked beautiful and I was just sure her Daddy would love her hair! She was super duper pleased about that and went prancing off!
When I told the girls that I saw their Daddy Kat went, as she usually does, running around the house yelling, "Daee!" until he actually came inside. I honestly don't remember any comment from Daddy about her hair, but I think she was just pleased as punch to feel pretty for her Daddy's homecoming.
The most interesting part of this tale is that I haven't ever made a big deal of personally doing my hair or anything for when Jess comes home. Nor have I made a humongous issue of making sure the girls are combed or brushed for when Daddy comes home. So, it seems to me, that this is just a little girl being sort of prissy in a really sweet adorable way - that I actually LOVE... I've always wished to be a girly-girl and I'm just happy as a bee in a field of flowers that my girls are (or are becoming what I have wished to be).
My Big Activity for the Day
As lame as it is, my big activity for today was the accomplishment of clearing off our dining room table. It was not piled high, or anything, but there were a number of things pushed up against the wall. While it was totally not a big undertaking, I was so super tired after lunch! I actually laid down (more to get Kat to take a nap), but didn't get up for an hour because I was so exhausted. I didn't get any sleep, of course... my issues with sleeping during the day strike again. It's not a conscious chosen problem, because I actually gave myself permission to fall asleep, but it didn't work. It's just a difficulty I've had for as long as I can remember. Me and naps just don't jive, man! I keep hoping that this time I'll be able to nap, at least for little stretches , once the new baby is born. I'm sure that fatigue was a contributing factor to the PPD I endured for way too long after Ria was born... I couldn't sleep at night because she didn't (often) and I couldn't sleep during the day because I just couldn't, most of the time... and then I had to work on top of it. What a mess that was! Anyway... obviously I'm not too impressed with my accomplishment of the day since I've totally changed the subject. ahwell....
Ria and "Her" Movies
Have I mentioned before how MUCH Ria loves to watch movies? Well, she DOES! Since we stopped watching TV, movies have been, for the most part, a reward for doing other things, with Ria. Usually, in the last 9 months or so, she gets to watch a movie after reading class. Currently, though not this week, she gets to watch a movie after reading, math, and testing classes (which happen one right after the other). She doesn't mind and actually seems to really enjoy "math class," which, as it happens, is really more of a penmanship class. But I call it "Math Class" since it's the first time we have actively worked with numbers in a focused manner since we've lived here.
I try to have a "Girl's Night" at least once a week with the girls. This is basically a night that we have a "picnic" in my bedroom or in the laundry room and watch a movie. Both girls LOVE these times and Ria asks to have one of these nights on a regular basis. I know part of her desire is for the time we spend together, we three, but perhaps the bigger part is the movie. :)
On a rare day, I will actually let the girls watch a short movie (or two) for no reason what-so-ever. Usually this happens on Sunday, which Ria hasn't quite put together yet. And the short movies are our Living Scriptures (they are about 1/2 an hour long). Ria LOVES to watch movies for "free" as it were! She just thinks it's THE coolest thing. It's not a good habit for Mama because Ria asks regularly for this sort of thing after each time she gets it (so by Wednesday she's usually stopped asking for a "free" movie).
If you ever wonder what you should get for Ria; I'd say movies would be a hit every time. She loves anything PRINCESS and Barbie. And, believe it or not, the Barbie animated movies are QUITE cool and GOOD!! They (those I've seen) always have a moral to tell and tell it in a very accessible manner. They are sweet and pretty easy to watch, too! But she also loves TEA set stuff, cooking stuff, and dress up stuff. This is totally unnecessary info at this time because there is no reason that anyone reading this should purchase anything for Ria... but still. I guess I'm just rambling in fatigue at this point. Perhaps I should end my blatherings. Till tomorrow....
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Poop and Other Current Events
POOP
Yes, this entry is about Number 2! Kitty Kat's in particular. :) In the past week, Kat has pooped 2 times on the potty! YIPPEE!!!! This is such wonderful news to us - especially as we have the arrival of the third baby approaching ever faster. It would be truly lovely to have only one child in diapers (as I did when Kat was born because Ria was using the potty day AND night before Kat was born).
I planned to use Infant Potty Training (also known by many other names) from the beginning with Kat, but the move when she was 3 weeks old, and the multitude of physical and emotional issues I had subsequent to the move caused me to change my priorities. I have had many days during which I've let Kat run around naked butt, but not NEARLY as many as Ria did respectively. Actually, by 20 months old, which is how old Kat is, Ria was already totally using the potty during the day by herself! Kat usually isn't interested in using the little toilet. She'll happily sit on the big toilet, but even though she grunts and pushes, prior to the two poops of this week, she rarely produced anything.
A huge difference between Ria and Kat's toddlerhood is that when we lived in VA, Ria and I didn't get out too much. Ria, Kat, and I go all over the place regularly! Before summer started, we had at least 4 outside obligations each week as well as any play time we spent out and about. IPT definitely isn't terribly conducive to an active lifestyle.
THE BIG CLASS
Jess has tonight and tomorrow night off from the Club. Tonight is just the night off and tomorrow night is a night he requested (otherwise he would probably be working 6 nights again). It's much easier to deal with his long work hours at the Club lately since his hours at the Cafe have been cut WAY back. However, this is not my point. My point is that Jess has been actively working hard to prepare for the class he's teaching our Ward tomorrow night! ^_^
He's VERY excited! He was asked, by the Elder's Quorum President, if he would be willing to teach a class on using food storage in meal preparation; specifically wheat bread. The members in our Ward know that we've lived off of our food storage a few times, so we have some real experience and perhaps a little expertise. :) Our Ward had a day at the Bishop's Storehouse a little over a week ago and they wanted to have this class soon after so people could learn techniques and make use of their stores.
Tonight he's been making bread. He's tried out a couple other recipes that he plans to present for tasting at the lesson. He's also going to make at least one more item that's a little bit more like the main course in a meal. All of this is just bits to taste, so we're not feeding the Ward or anything. He's so excited... I've mentioned that already, but it should be repeated at least a couple more times because he is! :) He's thought about it a LOT, he's planned the food to present/share, and he's worried about getting his thoughts down into an outline so the class will flow smoothly. He's even thought he might be able to do this sort of thing monthly - or, at least, after each Bishop's Storehouse trip. I really think he should be a Prof... perhaps he'll listen to me someday. ;) You know how guys can be!
When Will I Get To Be On Stage Again?
Ria asked me this today. She was very let down to hear it wouldn't be for a while. But she persevered and asked, "You mean, in 2 months?" When I told her it would be longer than that she asked, "Maybe in September?" I told her it would be a lot longer than that to which she suggested October. ^_^ I finally told her that she would have to wait until next May, which was almost a year away. She looked a little downcast. I told her it was really only about 11 months away and she seemed happier. She is very excited to return to dance class and enjoy the stage and adoration of the audience once more! I love it!!!
The girls and I watched Kung-Fu Panda online today. Ria was very impressed with the Kung-Fu moves performed by all of the characters and asked if she could learn how to do that! I'm happy about this because I plan to start our kids in Karate at 5 years old (assuming fund-age allows). I actually would have started Ria already if we had enough moolah for it! But I think it's even better that she now has some inclination toward that sort of education... so the wait, in this case, is definitely worth it. ^_^ I just wish we had a piano because she's stopped asked quite as much for music lessons. :( *sigh* Hopefully she'll still be excited about it when it is possible.
Cleaning, Walking, and Movies
I have really enjoyed the respite this summer has offered, thus far. Life has been slower since dance class and Play at the Park has ended. We still go to Story Time most weeks, but I've actually missed a few for various reasons.
Thus far I've almost got the house back up to par (the cleaning) - much to Jessie's relief and pleasure. However, if I didn't know him, I wouldn't really know that he was relieved and pleased (especially pleased). Such is life with a man who doesn't get the fact that he's married to a Words of Affirmation chick... no matter how much I tell him. I did spy The Five Love Languages on his bedside table, but I'm not sure if one of the girls put it there or if he did. ahwell What can I do more?
I'm still walking, though last week was down to 4 days. The main reason for the down by one day is the blood issue and not feeling well Saturday night (missed my 5th day by missing my Saturday night walk). I subsequently missed church on Sunday, so I really wasn't doin' so hot physcially. Tonight was a woosie walk (all by myself, since Jess is home for the night) because I started it with a headache. I'm trying not to push myself too much since the bleeding bit and all. It was a pleasant walk, for sure! I continue to feel really good about the walks - even if it's really REALLY difficult to start after 2 days off (Monday). I think, perhaps, I feel even better about those days than others because when I walk I overcome my natural tendency to quit when something is difficult or dull. YEAY me! ^_^
I've found an URL from which I can pretty easily watch movies. I don't even know where to begin, really, but I've been watching movies again. Mostly, I think, "family" is the best and safest genre. I started watching one movie that looked quite okay, it must have been rated 'R' because not 10 minutes in I saw something I did NOT want to see. So, I'm checkin' on the movies I watch outside of "family" a little more carefully now! I watched the newest Harry Potter last night. COOL movie. I mentioned the movie the girls and I watched today... I've seen the new Narnia movie. Also very cool. I should, perhaps, keep a list somewhere of the movies I'm watching... but I don't think I'll actually devote time to that. Sorry. I'm watchin, though. ^_^ Any suggestions?
Jumping Belly
Like jumping beans, ya know. This belly... rather: BABY!!! is moving all over and strongly! I've now been feeling REALLY strong movements for more than two weeks, with some of them so strong that I can see it on the outside. The outside visibility aspect of the baby moving is going on at least 1.5 weeks now! With Ria and Kat we didn't see this kind (or even feel this strong) of movement until sometime around 25-30 weeks. This baby started at about 22 weeks (earlier??) and now at 24 weeks (tomorrow) I see the baby kick once a day most days (usually more). And I certainly feel strong movements a lot more than that. With Kat and Ria Jess usually had to press into my belly pretty firmly to feel the movements I felt, but this baby won't move if you press hard. You have to just rest your hand on top and the baby kicks up to it!
Ria is the first in the family to feel the baby move! She felt him/her move for the first time today! Jess was sitting there and saw the movement, but didn't feel it when Ria did (he wasn't trying at the time). When he did move to try he pushed in, so the baby stopped showing off. When he laid his hand on my belly gently, a moment later, he felt the strong movements (rolling as well as kicking!) and commented on how the baby was "really moving around in there." Yeah, no need to tell me! I wake up with the kicks already! I can truly NOT imagine how this baby will feel at 36 weeks!!! I rather hope the space gets tight enough that baby won't want to try to stretch out. Fat chance? Well, a girl can hope, right! :) Kat missed this bit of action because she fell asleep in her eating table (it's really NOT a high chair, so I can't call it that!). She almost laid her head down to sleep, she was THAT tired! Poor Kitty!
Yes, this entry is about Number 2! Kitty Kat's in particular. :) In the past week, Kat has pooped 2 times on the potty! YIPPEE!!!! This is such wonderful news to us - especially as we have the arrival of the third baby approaching ever faster. It would be truly lovely to have only one child in diapers (as I did when Kat was born because Ria was using the potty day AND night before Kat was born).
I planned to use Infant Potty Training (also known by many other names) from the beginning with Kat, but the move when she was 3 weeks old, and the multitude of physical and emotional issues I had subsequent to the move caused me to change my priorities. I have had many days during which I've let Kat run around naked butt, but not NEARLY as many as Ria did respectively. Actually, by 20 months old, which is how old Kat is, Ria was already totally using the potty during the day by herself! Kat usually isn't interested in using the little toilet. She'll happily sit on the big toilet, but even though she grunts and pushes, prior to the two poops of this week, she rarely produced anything.
A huge difference between Ria and Kat's toddlerhood is that when we lived in VA, Ria and I didn't get out too much. Ria, Kat, and I go all over the place regularly! Before summer started, we had at least 4 outside obligations each week as well as any play time we spent out and about. IPT definitely isn't terribly conducive to an active lifestyle.
THE BIG CLASS
Jess has tonight and tomorrow night off from the Club. Tonight is just the night off and tomorrow night is a night he requested (otherwise he would probably be working 6 nights again). It's much easier to deal with his long work hours at the Club lately since his hours at the Cafe have been cut WAY back. However, this is not my point. My point is that Jess has been actively working hard to prepare for the class he's teaching our Ward tomorrow night! ^_^
He's VERY excited! He was asked, by the Elder's Quorum President, if he would be willing to teach a class on using food storage in meal preparation; specifically wheat bread. The members in our Ward know that we've lived off of our food storage a few times, so we have some real experience and perhaps a little expertise. :) Our Ward had a day at the Bishop's Storehouse a little over a week ago and they wanted to have this class soon after so people could learn techniques and make use of their stores.
Tonight he's been making bread. He's tried out a couple other recipes that he plans to present for tasting at the lesson. He's also going to make at least one more item that's a little bit more like the main course in a meal. All of this is just bits to taste, so we're not feeding the Ward or anything. He's so excited... I've mentioned that already, but it should be repeated at least a couple more times because he is! :) He's thought about it a LOT, he's planned the food to present/share, and he's worried about getting his thoughts down into an outline so the class will flow smoothly. He's even thought he might be able to do this sort of thing monthly - or, at least, after each Bishop's Storehouse trip. I really think he should be a Prof... perhaps he'll listen to me someday. ;) You know how guys can be!
When Will I Get To Be On Stage Again?
Ria asked me this today. She was very let down to hear it wouldn't be for a while. But she persevered and asked, "You mean, in 2 months?" When I told her it would be longer than that she asked, "Maybe in September?" I told her it would be a lot longer than that to which she suggested October. ^_^ I finally told her that she would have to wait until next May, which was almost a year away. She looked a little downcast. I told her it was really only about 11 months away and she seemed happier. She is very excited to return to dance class and enjoy the stage and adoration of the audience once more! I love it!!!
The girls and I watched Kung-Fu Panda online today. Ria was very impressed with the Kung-Fu moves performed by all of the characters and asked if she could learn how to do that! I'm happy about this because I plan to start our kids in Karate at 5 years old (assuming fund-age allows). I actually would have started Ria already if we had enough moolah for it! But I think it's even better that she now has some inclination toward that sort of education... so the wait, in this case, is definitely worth it. ^_^ I just wish we had a piano because she's stopped asked quite as much for music lessons. :( *sigh* Hopefully she'll still be excited about it when it is possible.
Cleaning, Walking, and Movies
I have really enjoyed the respite this summer has offered, thus far. Life has been slower since dance class and Play at the Park has ended. We still go to Story Time most weeks, but I've actually missed a few for various reasons.
Thus far I've almost got the house back up to par (the cleaning) - much to Jessie's relief and pleasure. However, if I didn't know him, I wouldn't really know that he was relieved and pleased (especially pleased). Such is life with a man who doesn't get the fact that he's married to a Words of Affirmation chick... no matter how much I tell him. I did spy The Five Love Languages on his bedside table, but I'm not sure if one of the girls put it there or if he did. ahwell What can I do more?
I'm still walking, though last week was down to 4 days. The main reason for the down by one day is the blood issue and not feeling well Saturday night (missed my 5th day by missing my Saturday night walk). I subsequently missed church on Sunday, so I really wasn't doin' so hot physcially. Tonight was a woosie walk (all by myself, since Jess is home for the night) because I started it with a headache. I'm trying not to push myself too much since the bleeding bit and all. It was a pleasant walk, for sure! I continue to feel really good about the walks - even if it's really REALLY difficult to start after 2 days off (Monday). I think, perhaps, I feel even better about those days than others because when I walk I overcome my natural tendency to quit when something is difficult or dull. YEAY me! ^_^
I've found an URL from which I can pretty easily watch movies. I don't even know where to begin, really, but I've been watching movies again. Mostly, I think, "family" is the best and safest genre. I started watching one movie that looked quite okay, it must have been rated 'R' because not 10 minutes in I saw something I did NOT want to see. So, I'm checkin' on the movies I watch outside of "family" a little more carefully now! I watched the newest Harry Potter last night. COOL movie. I mentioned the movie the girls and I watched today... I've seen the new Narnia movie. Also very cool. I should, perhaps, keep a list somewhere of the movies I'm watching... but I don't think I'll actually devote time to that. Sorry. I'm watchin, though. ^_^ Any suggestions?
Jumping Belly
Like jumping beans, ya know. This belly... rather: BABY!!! is moving all over and strongly! I've now been feeling REALLY strong movements for more than two weeks, with some of them so strong that I can see it on the outside. The outside visibility aspect of the baby moving is going on at least 1.5 weeks now! With Ria and Kat we didn't see this kind (or even feel this strong) of movement until sometime around 25-30 weeks. This baby started at about 22 weeks (earlier??) and now at 24 weeks (tomorrow) I see the baby kick once a day most days (usually more). And I certainly feel strong movements a lot more than that. With Kat and Ria Jess usually had to press into my belly pretty firmly to feel the movements I felt, but this baby won't move if you press hard. You have to just rest your hand on top and the baby kicks up to it!
Ria is the first in the family to feel the baby move! She felt him/her move for the first time today! Jess was sitting there and saw the movement, but didn't feel it when Ria did (he wasn't trying at the time). When he did move to try he pushed in, so the baby stopped showing off. When he laid his hand on my belly gently, a moment later, he felt the strong movements (rolling as well as kicking!) and commented on how the baby was "really moving around in there." Yeah, no need to tell me! I wake up with the kicks already! I can truly NOT imagine how this baby will feel at 36 weeks!!! I rather hope the space gets tight enough that baby won't want to try to stretch out. Fat chance? Well, a girl can hope, right! :) Kat missed this bit of action because she fell asleep in her eating table (it's really NOT a high chair, so I can't call it that!). She almost laid her head down to sleep, she was THAT tired! Poor Kitty!
Labels:
baby movement,
cleaning,
cooking,
Dance,
dance class,
food storage,
movies,
stage,
toilet training,
walking
3 comments:
Friday, June 13, 2008
Birth and Blood
a BIRTH in my extended family
I just wanted to share, for any who might know my sister, that she had her baby on June 10th. The pictures are up, so if you know her, you'll find her blog in my list. You can peek in on her life through it... and check out her sweet babe!
BLOOD on my toilet paper
So, if you're someone for whom TMI is an issue I just want to assure you that as far as I can tell, the baby is just fine. This issue of blood is about the Mama... and nether regions usually unmentioned in polite circles. If you do have a problem with TMI, you might want to just skip this next bit.
I've had a suspicion for a while now that I generally house my most troublesome stress in my bowels; and more specifically the end of that tract. Last year when Jess and I were having the worst of the hard times we went through I was very unwell physically. NO, it was NOT psychosomatic. However, I'm just as certain that the emotional stress I was coping with was aggravating a problem already raw from the birth of Kitty Kat.
I started to notice after a few bouts of blood on my toilet paper after I went pooh... and worse, blood in the bowl! that these issues occurred the day after a big emotional storm with Jess. Even more specifically, after Jess and I exchanged words and then I felt deep in a dark hole of depression and misery. So, I suppose it really shouldn't surprise me too terribly much that I had bloody TP tonight. Today is, after all, the day after the deepest emotionally onset depression I've experienced in QUITE a while. (I've had hormonal depressions and very blue days following frustrating situations or experiences... but not despair like I felt all day Wednesday and carried over to Thursday morning!)
Why would I share such information? Well, I think it's important to make connections. And perhaps someone who reads this blog entry may realize that the migraines (or whatever) they experience follow a similar pattern and that if they can change the dynamics of arguments (or eliminate them altogether) with their significant other (or at least alter their own reaction to the loved one's tirades), then they might decrease or even eradicate the resultant head thumper (or whatever)! I really do believe that I can make the necessary changes... and if I can... ANYONE can!!! ^_^
I just wanted to share, for any who might know my sister, that she had her baby on June 10th. The pictures are up, so if you know her, you'll find her blog in my list. You can peek in on her life through it... and check out her sweet babe!
BLOOD on my toilet paper
So, if you're someone for whom TMI is an issue I just want to assure you that as far as I can tell, the baby is just fine. This issue of blood is about the Mama... and nether regions usually unmentioned in polite circles. If you do have a problem with TMI, you might want to just skip this next bit.
I've had a suspicion for a while now that I generally house my most troublesome stress in my bowels; and more specifically the end of that tract. Last year when Jess and I were having the worst of the hard times we went through I was very unwell physically. NO, it was NOT psychosomatic. However, I'm just as certain that the emotional stress I was coping with was aggravating a problem already raw from the birth of Kitty Kat.
I started to notice after a few bouts of blood on my toilet paper after I went pooh... and worse, blood in the bowl! that these issues occurred the day after a big emotional storm with Jess. Even more specifically, after Jess and I exchanged words and then I felt deep in a dark hole of depression and misery. So, I suppose it really shouldn't surprise me too terribly much that I had bloody TP tonight. Today is, after all, the day after the deepest emotionally onset depression I've experienced in QUITE a while. (I've had hormonal depressions and very blue days following frustrating situations or experiences... but not despair like I felt all day Wednesday and carried over to Thursday morning!)
Why would I share such information? Well, I think it's important to make connections. And perhaps someone who reads this blog entry may realize that the migraines (or whatever) they experience follow a similar pattern and that if they can change the dynamics of arguments (or eliminate them altogether) with their significant other (or at least alter their own reaction to the loved one's tirades), then they might decrease or even eradicate the resultant head thumper (or whatever)! I really do believe that I can make the necessary changes... and if I can... ANYONE can!!! ^_^
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Walks
I realized I haven't been sharing my accomplishments in walking. The greatest accomplishment thus far is that I have maintained my 5 days per week. I haven't completed 80 minutes per day on all of those days, but given what I've been dealing with (namely hip pain, increasingly painful braxton hicks when I walk for longer than 30 minutes - particularly when I haven't had enough water to drink, and a more difficult time holding my water - especially when I forget to discontinue the water consumption at least an hour before I walk) I still feel quite good about what I have been doing. I think one day in the last 2 weeks I walked for only about 30 minutes. The next shortest walk was 45 and then 60. Today was back up to 80... but I did have to relieve myself in the woods. I REALLY don't enjoy that, contrary to what Jess seems to think!
It seems people are becoming familiar with me in my little town. Today a sweet lady named Rose stopped us before we crossed the street to climb the bridge to chat. She told me that she's seen me walking for quite a while and really wanted to meet me and see what I had in my carriage. She thought it might be twins, but was pleasantly surprised by my two beauty queens. She was really kind to the girls and to me. We spent about 15 minutes chatting and she invited me to stop to use her bathroom any time I might need it. I actually just may since she lives just far enough south of me to be convenient when I do walk the two miles south. It's REALLY difficult to find a hidden spot to pee outside in that direction! Seriously! I REALLY do NOT like it!!! It seems that Rose has a daughter who I am very similar to. That's cool because that means there's a sort of reason for her to identify with me and like me without even knowing me. That's always nice.
I've had many others in my town make comments to me about this or that as I'm walking. It's really quite nice... in a way. I feel like folks in my town are sort of watching out for us. ^_^
I haven't weighed myself lately, but I continue to feel better and better. Jess actually commented the other day that I look thinner now than in the only picture we have of his Mom and Dad hanging in out livingroom. That made me feel really good because I wasn't feeling super huge at that time! ^_^ Of course, I want to feel totally comfy in my body, not just NOT super uge, so I'm certainly not finished with walking. And even when I reach a comfy point I still won't be done because I know how MUCH the walks really help regulate SO much more than losing weight!
I LOVE my walks!!!
It seems people are becoming familiar with me in my little town. Today a sweet lady named Rose stopped us before we crossed the street to climb the bridge to chat. She told me that she's seen me walking for quite a while and really wanted to meet me and see what I had in my carriage. She thought it might be twins, but was pleasantly surprised by my two beauty queens. She was really kind to the girls and to me. We spent about 15 minutes chatting and she invited me to stop to use her bathroom any time I might need it. I actually just may since she lives just far enough south of me to be convenient when I do walk the two miles south. It's REALLY difficult to find a hidden spot to pee outside in that direction! Seriously! I REALLY do NOT like it!!! It seems that Rose has a daughter who I am very similar to. That's cool because that means there's a sort of reason for her to identify with me and like me without even knowing me. That's always nice.
I've had many others in my town make comments to me about this or that as I'm walking. It's really quite nice... in a way. I feel like folks in my town are sort of watching out for us. ^_^
I haven't weighed myself lately, but I continue to feel better and better. Jess actually commented the other day that I look thinner now than in the only picture we have of his Mom and Dad hanging in out livingroom. That made me feel really good because I wasn't feeling super huge at that time! ^_^ Of course, I want to feel totally comfy in my body, not just NOT super uge, so I'm certainly not finished with walking. And even when I reach a comfy point I still won't be done because I know how MUCH the walks really help regulate SO much more than losing weight!
I LOVE my walks!!!
What Husbands Don't Know
And how can they? They rarely, if ever have an opportunity to feel the constant weight of all that being a Mama entails. I know that working Mamas do NOT have THE life, but it's not all bon-bons and sugar snaps on the stay-at-home front, either! I'm thinking about the difficulties of my SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) life because of the confrontation with Jess of the other night. I try to express to him the weight of the responsibilities I carry as well as the actual time consumption aspect of them. But I honestly feel that my DH (dear husband) really just does not hear me most of the time I speak, much less get the full meaning of the details I share. I have felt that he may, perhaps, read this blog, though. So, perhaps some of what I'm able to convey through writing (sometimes I think it is my best mode of communication, anyway) will reach him as my words when spoken have and do not.
The jobs of a Mama (SAH, specifically):
--------------Spend time with the child(ren). This, I believe is THE most important job a Mama (any) has and can fulfill. However, as you will see (if you're a dude; I know the Mamas reading already know all this!) there isn't all that much time for a SAHM to fulfill this aspect of her calling if she is expected to maintain every other job she may be (usually is) expected to juggle solo if the juggling is supposed to be maintained to HIS satisfaction (even her own degree of perfection/satisfaction however far from his that may be)!
--------------Stay/get fit by exercising to the degree necessary to lose the baby weight, lose other fatness gained over time, and/or maintain Mama's own physical comfort level. This is REALLY difficult for lots of women... especially new Mamas. It's difficult to find activities that work the body enough to accomplish the results sought after and be okay with spending the time doing that work either away from the kiddo(s) OR ignoring him/her/them long enough to get the exercise in. This is emotionally taxing for any woman and even more so for women like me who feel UBER responsible for their children (meaning that turning them over to others' care feels hyper uncomfy - even Daddy in the first 6 months!!!).
--------------Stay sane and emotionally "full" by accomplishing something each day or week that enables the Mama to relax or feel individuated. (In the last conference (LDS) one of our leaders addressed this, OH SO IMPORTANT, issue!!!!) This is so very important because an empty Mama has nothing to give the kiddo(s) much less the Daddy! Yet, even if the Mama knows the necessity of this it is still difficult for any woman in a situation in which she would either have to have a babysitter when Daddy is at work (and they don't have money for that OR she feels like she really shouldn't turn the responsibility of her children over to someone else) OR they have to have Daddy watch the kiddo(s) when he IS home. This is not a problem for Jess, but I still feel sort of guilty SOME of the time asking/requiring more of him after he's worked two jobs all week. The only thing I do with any semblance of regularity when he's around to watch the girls is exercise, which is totally beneficial, but not exactly relaxing. So it doesn't really accomplish the staying "full" bit to the degree that completing an activity that I enjoy that is also really relaxing and mentally stimulating does/would. After going through this situation (Jess working two jobs) I would totally NOT allow myself to feel guilty asking him to take care of our kiddos while I get out of dodge for an hour or two if he had only one job!
-------------Keep the house up to par. While this IS important it is, to me, the least important of many other "balls" I keep in the air at any given moment. It is also one of the most time consuming and emotionally draining (stressful!) of most issues facing any Mama. This item encompasses so many separate items. While I will not cover every mundane item, I'm going to list some and my personal feelings about them/issues with them.
--------------------------Laundry: one of the NEVER-ending jobs. The moment it is caught up with, there is more to do! This job is particularly annoying to me BECAUSE it never ends... and only gets BIGGER as there are more children to clean up after. My problem here is not the children, but the fact that I'm the only one cleaning after them. Not only does a Mama have to remember to wash (not so difficult since the piles are sitting there in front of you), but we also have to remember to get them into the dryer in a timely fashion, (otherwise they start to smell like an old person - no offense to old people!) and then to make time to fold them AND put them away in some sort of order that makes sense to the other partner AS WELL as self since he will, hopefully, be helping to dress the child(ren) once in a while, if not regularly! And then there's the SUPER annoyance of the partner or child(ren) not giving a witches wart whether the items previously folded STAY in any semblance of order. This whole section was so totally NOT a problem when it was just Jess and me or even when Ria was the only child. But I can see this area of my life becoming super huge and what I already have to deal with is overwhelming enough - day in and day out!
--------------------------Dishes: the OTHER of the never-ending jobs that I, personally, despise. I know women who actually enjoy dishes. GOOD FOR YOU! I, however, am NOT one of them. I have, even, tried to change my mind into one like those who enjoy this task. I failed miserably! I think I could even go so far as to say that I hate to do dishes.
Jess and I had a deal early on that if he cooked, I would clean up... and vice versa. If I was lucky I may have seen the realization of that deal a whole handful OR two times! It's not happened consistently. (Of course not, you're thinking if you're a woman married longer than 18 months!) It is no longer reasonable for me to expect it to happen according to our deal anymore. I realize this. However, I also realize that when Jess IS home he sleeps a REALLY lot. And he cooks. And he STILL thinks I should clean up after him/us!!! After I have cooked ALL week (and yes, I usually DO cook for the lunches we share as a family!!!) AND cleaned up afterward. Seriously, people! Ooops, I meant: SERIOUSLY Jessie!
NOTE TO READER: these things I'm pointing out as gripes do NOT usually bother me. By this I mean that I'm not all down in the mouth and angry all the time because of all that I have in my head and weighing me down emotionally, mentally, and spiritually (to some extent)... at least I'm not anymore. I just recognize them as parts of life to deal with and feel happiness in the things that are happy to me (and there ARE plenty, truly!). I am simply illustrating for other clueless members of the male "species" those things than trouble lots of women (I think I should know since I am one, after all... AND since I also happen to speak with lots of them!). I just want to make it clear that I actually love my life most of the time. While I do love my life, I still want to make these issues very clear to the member of the Mars Clan who is most important to me: Jessie.
BACK TO THE ISSUES
-----------------------------General ORDER: This is hugely annoying to Jessie because he just doesn't seem to be able to ignore the little things on the floor. I'm sure it's also annoying because he thinks, "All she has to do it get Ria to pick it up!" But, you see, there-in lies the problem! What child WANTS to pick up their toys regularly? Okay, so regularly in our home because of Daddy's schedule means twice a day... a little excessive for any kid. But if she wasn't such a snotty butt about it I would totally be okay with asking her to clean up her stuff an hour before Jess gets home at 2pm and then before bed. But I really dislike fussing at my daughter. I have anger issues I'm trying to overcome, remember?!! There are plenty enough stupid little things I have to mentally wrestle with myself over so that I don't blow a fuse every hour on the hour... I don't want to add fussing at Ria to pick up twice a day. But, I have. It's an issue to Jess, so I'm trying to get Ria to clean up her stuff so it won't be on the floor when he gets home (TWICE A DAY!).
----------------------------Sweeping/Mopping: To be totally honest, I don't even bother mopping with any regularity. Ria gets to earn some money sometimes by cleaning spots. We barter for the price of each spot, then we work with money after the jobs are done. It can be quite fun. I don't mind that so much. But when the whole house is troubled (as in dirt actually STUCK to the floor rather than just hanging out there) that job is so much more frustrating than simply mopping would be. You see, I have two small children who sleep like me. So what? you say. SO... that means I can't do much of anything that makes any sort of noise anywhere near them - especially since our house echoes a bit. And sweeping is only half as frustrating as mopping. The girls will, for the most part, stay out of the way in the room I'm working on. The previous sentence is where the problem with mopping lies... they think they can play in the room I've finished. But, of course, they really can't because the floor is WET. Ah the minute annoyances that combine to drive a Mama MAD!
----------------------------Maintaining extended family relations AND contact with local and long-distance friends. Admittedly the friends are a part of a Mamas way to stay sane, but for an LDS lady they are also very likely part of her responsibility, too (like VTing, which I LOVE, but is also a stressor, however positive, at times). While this area of responsibility is one of the most enjoyable of the many jobs a/this Mama has, it IS exhausting at times because there are periods of days, at least for me, when I just don't want to talk to ANYbody! (Like the last couple days, for instance!) But if one who communicates suddenly goes incommunicado, even if for only a few days, people start to worry that you've gone all weird like you did after 9-11. Just as a source of comfort... even during my worst and darkest months of PPD (post partum depression) I don't think I was as bad as I was at my worst after 9-11! This is a key bit of info for anyone who knows me. Let me break it down. YES, I DO get depressed. Sometimes, even, REALLY depressed. But if it doesn't get to the point I was at in during the PPD I suffered with after Ria, then I'm really REALLY quite okay (because it's no where near as bad as I've visited in my life!). No matter how long it takes, I DO (usually with the help of God and/or a loved one) pull myself up or kick my own butt out of it! I cannot foresee an event (barring Jessie cheating, beating any of us, or a child's death) that would put me over the edge I've already visited regularly! Since PPD I haven't been anywhere near that edge. After 9-11 I was, admittedly, bungee jumping off of it with a faulty bungee (thankfully it didn't fail completely while I was jumping!), but I'm quite okay! Aren't I? haha just a joke. I totally AM okay!!!
--------------------------------BLOG could actually be part of the last section or part of WORK FOR MONEY, but since the latter is not so much pertinent and the former doesn't really qualify (since most of my extended family does not read my blog) I'm making it a separate area. I think it's appropriate to include because it's pleasurable for me, but I also feel sort of like I NEED to do it, too. Jessie's family keeps up with us through it, after all, and he has shared the URL with more people from work than I have with my own friends!
--------------------------------BILLS are not necessarily a woman's job, but they are THIS woman's job. I'm not saying, at all, by any of the following that I do not want this job. I know the I'm more capable, so I do it and I try really hard not to complain often or loudly about it. However, I am going to enumerate the difficulties for my DH and any other man whose wife silently bends under the weight of THIS responsibility. #1 problem: it's ALWAYS there (unless you're super smart and have no debt whatsoever!). #2 problem: not wanting to mention it as much as it nags at the sides or stage of my brain because I don't want to stress my DH out as much as I feel stressed (at least, not most of the time). #3 problem: it's ALWAYS there! #4 problem: Did I mention it's ALWAYS there??? #5 problem: oh yeah, THERE it is AGAIN! Seriously, though... the worst of the #ed problems is the constant fear (or resurfacing of the reality) that there will not be enough money to cover the requests and requirements for said money!
-------------------------------HOMESCHOOLING--------------------------------------
Yes, this is NOT a job every SAHM undertakes, so perhaps it shouldn't be considered at part of the tasks inherent to the work. But since this is MY Blog, it IS! Also... I do believe a majority of parents who value their child(ren) and those child(ren)'s education over the things they could otherwise do or have FOR their children will one day choose to homeschool.
Now, I do NOT mean School at Home, here. I mean HOMESCHOOL! There is a HUGE and fundamental difference. One is MUCH easier than the other. Can you guess which is easier? If you said School at Home, then.... ding-ding-ding... you are RIGHT! And this is only ONE of the many issues a prospective homeschool parent, who is also a responsible parent, need inform themselves about. (Do you see the invested time studying, reading, and learning inherent in reading between the words of that last sentence???)
Homeschooling is FULL of issues that, to be responsible in the undertaking, a parent (at least one of them) has to read up on and make firm decisions about. I have only begun to scratch the surface on this area (researching issues and making decisions). In only 2 days I spent more than 8 hours in that research. Okay, so that's technically "only" part-time work. But combine it with all the other things I need to/should/want to do each day and there is WAY more to do daily than can BE done in the 16 hours I'm awake... which should really only be TWELVE since I'm preggie. Did ya know THAT? Pregnant women are SUPPOSEDLY SUPPOSED to sleep at least 12 hours a day. That's how TAXING pregnancy is!!! (Yes, I know, if you are a woman you are laughing your butt into shapely sexiness at the idea of regularly sleeping 12 hours each day - even IF preggie... but that's what the reading I've done suggests!)
Note to self: add pregnancy as another of the many exhausting (mentally, physically, emotionally, AND spiritually) things I do as a woman/Mama!!!!!
BACK to HOMESCHOOLING
So there are the issues to research= TIME and MUCHO TIEMBRE!!!
Then there's the actual preparation of WHAT to teach. (Did you see more hours of research and decision making inherent in that first/only sentence?? Yep, it's HOURS and not just HOURS once in a while, but, I'd say, at least once a week to figure out the week ahead If you're that organized)!!!
--------My personal first step into this realm of actually focusing on homeschooling (rather than just teaching reading as I have been doing) as someone who believes herself to be a responsible homeschooler, is to determine WHERE to go and WHAT to do with my homeschooling child. HOW does one do that?? Well, a really great starting point (I think) is to figure out what the state or commonwealth in which you reside expects of a child at any given grade level; perhaps first focusing on the grade the child would next enter as a result of their numerical age. This means both the minimum standards AS WELL AS what the parent has to do to jump through the hoops established by TPTB (the powers that be) for those who choose to go against the mainstream TO homeschool!
Now, you could probably get your local librarian to help you locate all the pertinent info (online or off), but that requires the time and opportunity to do such a thing during normal operating hours. Do you see the futility of such a proposition if you have a toddller or more roaming around??? You could get the URL(s) from a teacher you know (if you know one with whom you feel comfy speaking about the alternative education of your child) OR you'll have to do a little digging for the information on your own. (Did you hear another bit of minutes piled together to get that info!??)
Once you find said info you have to either export it, copy and print it, copy the info into a safe notebook, and/or print it out for regular access/planning purposes... Then you have to read and evaluate what is in front of you. Do you think TPTB make it easy for a layperson to understand the establishment's expectations of their educational system. Uhhh... NO!!!! Why the heck would they make it easy!!?? They don't WANT you taking their tax money away by keeping your child home! And if you think I'm just being paranoid, you have NOT informed yourself!!!!
Back to the subject: thankfully I do have a background in education, so most of the benchmark info is pretty easily decipherable, but it took me a few minutes to sort of alter my brain to function in teacher mode to GET what was written "plainly" in front of me! And I, given my teacher training, am still a little confused on some of the benchmarks for Math and Science (since my background was English THAT section, at least, made sense to me). I feel so sad for someone who doesn't have the background a trained teacher would (even if they never taught in public school)! There would be even MORE research/TIME! involved for translation purposes for such a person!!!!!
The next step is to determine how to present the material you've determined your child needs to learn/understand. More than likely, if you are homeschooling, you do NOT plan to stick to the basics required by your state, so there's more research into additional kinds of education and things developmentally appropriate for your child at their given stage. In this step is the decision about prepared curriculums vs. piecing it all together one's self... A whole cirriculum is attractive (possibly easier?!), but there-in lies a problem of money (for poor homeschoolers like muuuaaa). And if you do decide to use some existing material, you have to figure out if there are any inappropriate parts. Even Christian materials for a Christian (like myself) may contain questionable material (like the trinity, for instance, since that does NOT fit the cosmology/diety I know!).
Then there's presentation. Thankfully, for me! Ria (and most children, really) just loves to learn so MUCH that I could totally botch this section and she would still come away from the whole thing a much smarter chickie. But this step also requires some time. Often time spent on the preparation of presentation materials, thinking about how to share the info with the child, and then the actual DOING. Which brings me to:
Last, but CERTAINLY NOT least, there is the actual time spent on the education of the homeschooled child(ren). While this is, or at least, SHOULD be, enjoyable time spent with one's child, it is often fraught with annoyance and frustration - especially in the early days (after the first few really fun ones)! The child doesn't necessarily want to sit for extended periods of time (and I'm not even talking the kind of time they would have to sit in their desk at school - even for Kindergarten!) doing something other than what they actually CHOOSE/WANT to do at that moment. Ria LOVES school, but her fidgeting and fussing get really annoying really quickly. Okay, so you already know I've had anger issues... the previous sentence as an example of one of the many times during the day that I am extremely careful (since quitting the yelling about 4 weeks ago)!
The actual time spent on 1 subject (reading), for us, is usually only about 30-45 minutes. Sometimes even less, actually - like when I accidentally choose a WAY TOO EASY book for her to read! But since I've been feeling the need to really get INTO school we've been doing 3 and 4 subjects/learning lessons, which easily puts us up to 2 hours. Yes, this could (in theory) be split up through the day, but, in reality, the splitting doesn't work so well most days. I am most assuredly NOT complaining about this time. I'm simply illustrating the issues for the dude most important to me (and any curious by-standers that have made it this far).
---------------WORK to make MONEY--------------------------------------------
In case you're wondering, since I haven't mentioned it in quite a while, I have officially give up working my ETSY shop like a real business. I still intend to try to sell a bit around Christmas, but I'm not even hyped up about that any more. WHY?? Well, because Jessie made it SUPER clear that he was so totally not supportive of my efforts (because the house was the ball dropped when I added the WORK ball to the juggling). It's been really sad letting go of that dream of a way to get Jess home more, but it's also made my life easier. I honestly cannot imagine how others juggle it all WITH a creative job! And since Jess was totally unsupportive (he didn't DO anything to help, but he also was not okay with me letting the ball roll away from me either) I have completely dropped that ball. I even threw away the business cards associated with it. The store is still open, but I'm not advertising or trying to move prospective buyers my way.
However, when someone is involved in such a pursuit there are myriad time drains attached. I will list without explanation since it's not super pertinent to my life any longer. Creation of product, packaging of product, self-promotion (SO MUCH TIME!), market research, product research, comparison shopping to improve marketing, self-education on techniques to improve product, and so much more!
OUTSIDE CLASSES for CHILD(REN)
This is critical for the homeschooled child. Not only for the social interaction it provides and stimulates, but also for the change of environment inherent in GOING TO CLASS. While the activities are chosen by parent and/or child, there comes a time in every child's experience when they just want to quit. Ria arrived at that point very early in her dance year. Jess and I have decided how to deal with this situation and that's what we did. For every time a given child wants to quit something we will allow them to do so only after a give period of time. Ria was 3 when she wanted to quit and we never really had a conversation about this whole subject with her because by the following dance class she was excited and wanted to go and NEVER wanted to quit during the remainder of the school year. Currently she is asking when she will get to go back to dance class (we're off until September).
So, even though the parent gets to choose class times (for the most part) we have to live according to anothers' schedule for those classes. This past year Ria has attended Dance class, Story Time (not officially a class, but counts to her), and Joy School (which turned into Play At The Park). Because of shortage of fundage I could not enroll her in Karate (which I TOTALLY wanted to do!). And because we don't have a piano as yet (also no fundage) she has not started piano lessons (which would also be taxing if not imposible due to lack of money). I'm hoping to have enough money to start Ria (at least), but hopefully also Kat in swim classes. So as of August I WANT to have them both in swim class and the following month they will both start Dance! That's a significant amount of time AND money devoted to only two classes (for two children)!!!!
So, is there any wonder that a Mama feels overwhelmed on a regular basis? And, please, Jessie, (or random dude trying to learn a bit more about his Venus Bride) don't think this is a comprehensive explanation. These are only the things that are most present (CONSTANTLY) and pressing on THIS Mamas mind RIGHT NOW. There are more issues that are a bit more philosophical and troublesome more mentally and emotionally than these highlighted and verbosified upon. (Yes, verbosified is probably NOT a word, but I like to make things up... I'm a creative person, after all!) ^_^ I'm sure I've also forgotten one or two that troubles me regularly, but I forget things REALLY regularly. Can you imagine WHY!!?? After this tutorial, I would have to say you are COMPLETELY and UTTERLY HOPELESS if you answered the last question to the negative!
The jobs of a Mama (SAH, specifically):
--------------Spend time with the child(ren). This, I believe is THE most important job a Mama (any) has and can fulfill. However, as you will see (if you're a dude; I know the Mamas reading already know all this!) there isn't all that much time for a SAHM to fulfill this aspect of her calling if she is expected to maintain every other job she may be (usually is) expected to juggle solo if the juggling is supposed to be maintained to HIS satisfaction (even her own degree of perfection/satisfaction however far from his that may be)!
--------------Stay/get fit by exercising to the degree necessary to lose the baby weight, lose other fatness gained over time, and/or maintain Mama's own physical comfort level. This is REALLY difficult for lots of women... especially new Mamas. It's difficult to find activities that work the body enough to accomplish the results sought after and be okay with spending the time doing that work either away from the kiddo(s) OR ignoring him/her/them long enough to get the exercise in. This is emotionally taxing for any woman and even more so for women like me who feel UBER responsible for their children (meaning that turning them over to others' care feels hyper uncomfy - even Daddy in the first 6 months!!!).
--------------Stay sane and emotionally "full" by accomplishing something each day or week that enables the Mama to relax or feel individuated. (In the last conference (LDS) one of our leaders addressed this, OH SO IMPORTANT, issue!!!!) This is so very important because an empty Mama has nothing to give the kiddo(s) much less the Daddy! Yet, even if the Mama knows the necessity of this it is still difficult for any woman in a situation in which she would either have to have a babysitter when Daddy is at work (and they don't have money for that OR she feels like she really shouldn't turn the responsibility of her children over to someone else) OR they have to have Daddy watch the kiddo(s) when he IS home. This is not a problem for Jess, but I still feel sort of guilty SOME of the time asking/requiring more of him after he's worked two jobs all week. The only thing I do with any semblance of regularity when he's around to watch the girls is exercise, which is totally beneficial, but not exactly relaxing. So it doesn't really accomplish the staying "full" bit to the degree that completing an activity that I enjoy that is also really relaxing and mentally stimulating does/would. After going through this situation (Jess working two jobs) I would totally NOT allow myself to feel guilty asking him to take care of our kiddos while I get out of dodge for an hour or two if he had only one job!
-------------Keep the house up to par. While this IS important it is, to me, the least important of many other "balls" I keep in the air at any given moment. It is also one of the most time consuming and emotionally draining (stressful!) of most issues facing any Mama. This item encompasses so many separate items. While I will not cover every mundane item, I'm going to list some and my personal feelings about them/issues with them.
--------------------------Laundry: one of the NEVER-ending jobs. The moment it is caught up with, there is more to do! This job is particularly annoying to me BECAUSE it never ends... and only gets BIGGER as there are more children to clean up after. My problem here is not the children, but the fact that I'm the only one cleaning after them. Not only does a Mama have to remember to wash (not so difficult since the piles are sitting there in front of you), but we also have to remember to get them into the dryer in a timely fashion, (otherwise they start to smell like an old person - no offense to old people!) and then to make time to fold them AND put them away in some sort of order that makes sense to the other partner AS WELL as self since he will, hopefully, be helping to dress the child(ren) once in a while, if not regularly! And then there's the SUPER annoyance of the partner or child(ren) not giving a witches wart whether the items previously folded STAY in any semblance of order. This whole section was so totally NOT a problem when it was just Jess and me or even when Ria was the only child. But I can see this area of my life becoming super huge and what I already have to deal with is overwhelming enough - day in and day out!
--------------------------Dishes: the OTHER of the never-ending jobs that I, personally, despise. I know women who actually enjoy dishes. GOOD FOR YOU! I, however, am NOT one of them. I have, even, tried to change my mind into one like those who enjoy this task. I failed miserably! I think I could even go so far as to say that I hate to do dishes.
Jess and I had a deal early on that if he cooked, I would clean up... and vice versa. If I was lucky I may have seen the realization of that deal a whole handful OR two times! It's not happened consistently. (Of course not, you're thinking if you're a woman married longer than 18 months!) It is no longer reasonable for me to expect it to happen according to our deal anymore. I realize this. However, I also realize that when Jess IS home he sleeps a REALLY lot. And he cooks. And he STILL thinks I should clean up after him/us!!! After I have cooked ALL week (and yes, I usually DO cook for the lunches we share as a family!!!) AND cleaned up afterward. Seriously, people! Ooops, I meant: SERIOUSLY Jessie!
NOTE TO READER: these things I'm pointing out as gripes do NOT usually bother me. By this I mean that I'm not all down in the mouth and angry all the time because of all that I have in my head and weighing me down emotionally, mentally, and spiritually (to some extent)... at least I'm not anymore. I just recognize them as parts of life to deal with and feel happiness in the things that are happy to me (and there ARE plenty, truly!). I am simply illustrating for other clueless members of the male "species" those things than trouble lots of women (I think I should know since I am one, after all... AND since I also happen to speak with lots of them!). I just want to make it clear that I actually love my life most of the time. While I do love my life, I still want to make these issues very clear to the member of the Mars Clan who is most important to me: Jessie.
BACK TO THE ISSUES
-----------------------------General ORDER: This is hugely annoying to Jessie because he just doesn't seem to be able to ignore the little things on the floor. I'm sure it's also annoying because he thinks, "All she has to do it get Ria to pick it up!" But, you see, there-in lies the problem! What child WANTS to pick up their toys regularly? Okay, so regularly in our home because of Daddy's schedule means twice a day... a little excessive for any kid. But if she wasn't such a snotty butt about it I would totally be okay with asking her to clean up her stuff an hour before Jess gets home at 2pm and then before bed. But I really dislike fussing at my daughter. I have anger issues I'm trying to overcome, remember?!! There are plenty enough stupid little things I have to mentally wrestle with myself over so that I don't blow a fuse every hour on the hour... I don't want to add fussing at Ria to pick up twice a day. But, I have. It's an issue to Jess, so I'm trying to get Ria to clean up her stuff so it won't be on the floor when he gets home (TWICE A DAY!).
----------------------------Sweeping/Mopping: To be totally honest, I don't even bother mopping with any regularity. Ria gets to earn some money sometimes by cleaning spots. We barter for the price of each spot, then we work with money after the jobs are done. It can be quite fun. I don't mind that so much. But when the whole house is troubled (as in dirt actually STUCK to the floor rather than just hanging out there) that job is so much more frustrating than simply mopping would be. You see, I have two small children who sleep like me. So what? you say. SO... that means I can't do much of anything that makes any sort of noise anywhere near them - especially since our house echoes a bit. And sweeping is only half as frustrating as mopping. The girls will, for the most part, stay out of the way in the room I'm working on. The previous sentence is where the problem with mopping lies... they think they can play in the room I've finished. But, of course, they really can't because the floor is WET. Ah the minute annoyances that combine to drive a Mama MAD!
----------------------------Maintaining extended family relations AND contact with local and long-distance friends. Admittedly the friends are a part of a Mamas way to stay sane, but for an LDS lady they are also very likely part of her responsibility, too (like VTing, which I LOVE, but is also a stressor, however positive, at times). While this area of responsibility is one of the most enjoyable of the many jobs a/this Mama has, it IS exhausting at times because there are periods of days, at least for me, when I just don't want to talk to ANYbody! (Like the last couple days, for instance!) But if one who communicates suddenly goes incommunicado, even if for only a few days, people start to worry that you've gone all weird like you did after 9-11. Just as a source of comfort... even during my worst and darkest months of PPD (post partum depression) I don't think I was as bad as I was at my worst after 9-11! This is a key bit of info for anyone who knows me. Let me break it down. YES, I DO get depressed. Sometimes, even, REALLY depressed. But if it doesn't get to the point I was at in during the PPD I suffered with after Ria, then I'm really REALLY quite okay (because it's no where near as bad as I've visited in my life!). No matter how long it takes, I DO (usually with the help of God and/or a loved one) pull myself up or kick my own butt out of it! I cannot foresee an event (barring Jessie cheating, beating any of us, or a child's death) that would put me over the edge I've already visited regularly! Since PPD I haven't been anywhere near that edge. After 9-11 I was, admittedly, bungee jumping off of it with a faulty bungee (thankfully it didn't fail completely while I was jumping!), but I'm quite okay! Aren't I? haha just a joke. I totally AM okay!!!
--------------------------------BLOG could actually be part of the last section or part of WORK FOR MONEY, but since the latter is not so much pertinent and the former doesn't really qualify (since most of my extended family does not read my blog) I'm making it a separate area. I think it's appropriate to include because it's pleasurable for me, but I also feel sort of like I NEED to do it, too. Jessie's family keeps up with us through it, after all, and he has shared the URL with more people from work than I have with my own friends!
--------------------------------BILLS are not necessarily a woman's job, but they are THIS woman's job. I'm not saying, at all, by any of the following that I do not want this job. I know the I'm more capable, so I do it and I try really hard not to complain often or loudly about it. However, I am going to enumerate the difficulties for my DH and any other man whose wife silently bends under the weight of THIS responsibility. #1 problem: it's ALWAYS there (unless you're super smart and have no debt whatsoever!). #2 problem: not wanting to mention it as much as it nags at the sides or stage of my brain because I don't want to stress my DH out as much as I feel stressed (at least, not most of the time). #3 problem: it's ALWAYS there! #4 problem: Did I mention it's ALWAYS there??? #5 problem: oh yeah, THERE it is AGAIN! Seriously, though... the worst of the #ed problems is the constant fear (or resurfacing of the reality) that there will not be enough money to cover the requests and requirements for said money!
-------------------------------HOMESCHOOLING--------------------------------------
Yes, this is NOT a job every SAHM undertakes, so perhaps it shouldn't be considered at part of the tasks inherent to the work. But since this is MY Blog, it IS! Also... I do believe a majority of parents who value their child(ren) and those child(ren)'s education over the things they could otherwise do or have FOR their children will one day choose to homeschool.
Now, I do NOT mean School at Home, here. I mean HOMESCHOOL! There is a HUGE and fundamental difference. One is MUCH easier than the other. Can you guess which is easier? If you said School at Home, then.... ding-ding-ding... you are RIGHT! And this is only ONE of the many issues a prospective homeschool parent, who is also a responsible parent, need inform themselves about. (Do you see the invested time studying, reading, and learning inherent in reading between the words of that last sentence???)
Homeschooling is FULL of issues that, to be responsible in the undertaking, a parent (at least one of them) has to read up on and make firm decisions about. I have only begun to scratch the surface on this area (researching issues and making decisions). In only 2 days I spent more than 8 hours in that research. Okay, so that's technically "only" part-time work. But combine it with all the other things I need to/should/want to do each day and there is WAY more to do daily than can BE done in the 16 hours I'm awake... which should really only be TWELVE since I'm preggie. Did ya know THAT? Pregnant women are SUPPOSEDLY SUPPOSED to sleep at least 12 hours a day. That's how TAXING pregnancy is!!! (Yes, I know, if you are a woman you are laughing your butt into shapely sexiness at the idea of regularly sleeping 12 hours each day - even IF preggie... but that's what the reading I've done suggests!)
Note to self: add pregnancy as another of the many exhausting (mentally, physically, emotionally, AND spiritually) things I do as a woman/Mama!!!!!
BACK to HOMESCHOOLING
So there are the issues to research= TIME and MUCHO TIEMBRE!!!
Then there's the actual preparation of WHAT to teach. (Did you see more hours of research and decision making inherent in that first/only sentence?? Yep, it's HOURS and not just HOURS once in a while, but, I'd say, at least once a week to figure out the week ahead If you're that organized)!!!
--------My personal first step into this realm of actually focusing on homeschooling (rather than just teaching reading as I have been doing) as someone who believes herself to be a responsible homeschooler, is to determine WHERE to go and WHAT to do with my homeschooling child. HOW does one do that?? Well, a really great starting point (I think) is to figure out what the state or commonwealth in which you reside expects of a child at any given grade level; perhaps first focusing on the grade the child would next enter as a result of their numerical age. This means both the minimum standards AS WELL AS what the parent has to do to jump through the hoops established by TPTB (the powers that be) for those who choose to go against the mainstream TO homeschool!
Now, you could probably get your local librarian to help you locate all the pertinent info (online or off), but that requires the time and opportunity to do such a thing during normal operating hours. Do you see the futility of such a proposition if you have a toddller or more roaming around??? You could get the URL(s) from a teacher you know (if you know one with whom you feel comfy speaking about the alternative education of your child) OR you'll have to do a little digging for the information on your own. (Did you hear another bit of minutes piled together to get that info!??)
Once you find said info you have to either export it, copy and print it, copy the info into a safe notebook, and/or print it out for regular access/planning purposes... Then you have to read and evaluate what is in front of you. Do you think TPTB make it easy for a layperson to understand the establishment's expectations of their educational system. Uhhh... NO!!!! Why the heck would they make it easy!!?? They don't WANT you taking their tax money away by keeping your child home! And if you think I'm just being paranoid, you have NOT informed yourself!!!!
Back to the subject: thankfully I do have a background in education, so most of the benchmark info is pretty easily decipherable, but it took me a few minutes to sort of alter my brain to function in teacher mode to GET what was written "plainly" in front of me! And I, given my teacher training, am still a little confused on some of the benchmarks for Math and Science (since my background was English THAT section, at least, made sense to me). I feel so sad for someone who doesn't have the background a trained teacher would (even if they never taught in public school)! There would be even MORE research/TIME! involved for translation purposes for such a person!!!!!
The next step is to determine how to present the material you've determined your child needs to learn/understand. More than likely, if you are homeschooling, you do NOT plan to stick to the basics required by your state, so there's more research into additional kinds of education and things developmentally appropriate for your child at their given stage. In this step is the decision about prepared curriculums vs. piecing it all together one's self... A whole cirriculum is attractive (possibly easier?!), but there-in lies a problem of money (for poor homeschoolers like muuuaaa). And if you do decide to use some existing material, you have to figure out if there are any inappropriate parts. Even Christian materials for a Christian (like myself) may contain questionable material (like the trinity, for instance, since that does NOT fit the cosmology/diety I know!).
Then there's presentation. Thankfully, for me! Ria (and most children, really) just loves to learn so MUCH that I could totally botch this section and she would still come away from the whole thing a much smarter chickie. But this step also requires some time. Often time spent on the preparation of presentation materials, thinking about how to share the info with the child, and then the actual DOING. Which brings me to:
Last, but CERTAINLY NOT least, there is the actual time spent on the education of the homeschooled child(ren). While this is, or at least, SHOULD be, enjoyable time spent with one's child, it is often fraught with annoyance and frustration - especially in the early days (after the first few really fun ones)! The child doesn't necessarily want to sit for extended periods of time (and I'm not even talking the kind of time they would have to sit in their desk at school - even for Kindergarten!) doing something other than what they actually CHOOSE/WANT to do at that moment. Ria LOVES school, but her fidgeting and fussing get really annoying really quickly. Okay, so you already know I've had anger issues... the previous sentence as an example of one of the many times during the day that I am extremely careful (since quitting the yelling about 4 weeks ago)!
The actual time spent on 1 subject (reading), for us, is usually only about 30-45 minutes. Sometimes even less, actually - like when I accidentally choose a WAY TOO EASY book for her to read! But since I've been feeling the need to really get INTO school we've been doing 3 and 4 subjects/learning lessons, which easily puts us up to 2 hours. Yes, this could (in theory) be split up through the day, but, in reality, the splitting doesn't work so well most days. I am most assuredly NOT complaining about this time. I'm simply illustrating the issues for the dude most important to me (and any curious by-standers that have made it this far).
---------------WORK to make MONEY--------------------------------------------
In case you're wondering, since I haven't mentioned it in quite a while, I have officially give up working my ETSY shop like a real business. I still intend to try to sell a bit around Christmas, but I'm not even hyped up about that any more. WHY?? Well, because Jessie made it SUPER clear that he was so totally not supportive of my efforts (because the house was the ball dropped when I added the WORK ball to the juggling). It's been really sad letting go of that dream of a way to get Jess home more, but it's also made my life easier. I honestly cannot imagine how others juggle it all WITH a creative job! And since Jess was totally unsupportive (he didn't DO anything to help, but he also was not okay with me letting the ball roll away from me either) I have completely dropped that ball. I even threw away the business cards associated with it. The store is still open, but I'm not advertising or trying to move prospective buyers my way.
However, when someone is involved in such a pursuit there are myriad time drains attached. I will list without explanation since it's not super pertinent to my life any longer. Creation of product, packaging of product, self-promotion (SO MUCH TIME!), market research, product research, comparison shopping to improve marketing, self-education on techniques to improve product, and so much more!
OUTSIDE CLASSES for CHILD(REN)
This is critical for the homeschooled child. Not only for the social interaction it provides and stimulates, but also for the change of environment inherent in GOING TO CLASS. While the activities are chosen by parent and/or child, there comes a time in every child's experience when they just want to quit. Ria arrived at that point very early in her dance year. Jess and I have decided how to deal with this situation and that's what we did. For every time a given child wants to quit something we will allow them to do so only after a give period of time. Ria was 3 when she wanted to quit and we never really had a conversation about this whole subject with her because by the following dance class she was excited and wanted to go and NEVER wanted to quit during the remainder of the school year. Currently she is asking when she will get to go back to dance class (we're off until September).
So, even though the parent gets to choose class times (for the most part) we have to live according to anothers' schedule for those classes. This past year Ria has attended Dance class, Story Time (not officially a class, but counts to her), and Joy School (which turned into Play At The Park). Because of shortage of fundage I could not enroll her in Karate (which I TOTALLY wanted to do!). And because we don't have a piano as yet (also no fundage) she has not started piano lessons (which would also be taxing if not imposible due to lack of money). I'm hoping to have enough money to start Ria (at least), but hopefully also Kat in swim classes. So as of August I WANT to have them both in swim class and the following month they will both start Dance! That's a significant amount of time AND money devoted to only two classes (for two children)!!!!
So, is there any wonder that a Mama feels overwhelmed on a regular basis? And, please, Jessie, (or random dude trying to learn a bit more about his Venus Bride) don't think this is a comprehensive explanation. These are only the things that are most present (CONSTANTLY) and pressing on THIS Mamas mind RIGHT NOW. There are more issues that are a bit more philosophical and troublesome more mentally and emotionally than these highlighted and verbosified upon. (Yes, verbosified is probably NOT a word, but I like to make things up... I'm a creative person, after all!) ^_^ I'm sure I've also forgotten one or two that troubles me regularly, but I forget things REALLY regularly. Can you imagine WHY!!?? After this tutorial, I would have to say you are COMPLETELY and UTTERLY HOPELESS if you answered the last question to the negative!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Masks
Were you able to attend my wedding? Or did you get to see pictures? Well, if you had to answer NO to either, then you might not understand this post without a bit of info. I apologize to those for whom this info is redundant or annoying because you've "been there/done that".
Jess and I had a wonderful wedding that started out as a party and ended as a party with the wedding in the middle. It wasn't just any ol' party, though. It was a masquerade "ball" of a party. Our wedding favors were actual masks to which we attached our wedding info. We had ALL kinds of masks. Here is a taste of the variety we had to give to our friends and family: we had Mardi Gras feathered masks, half masks, full masks, animal face masks, goofy people masks, and more. Every aspect that we could think of, for our wedding, was full of symbolism. The masks symbolize (not too difficult to figure) the faces that people wear out of necessity during phases or through experiences in their lives. Neither Jess nor I actually wore a mask for our party/wedding, but we did wear the symbol of the nickname the other gave. (Jess is my king, he wore a crown. He called me his angel, so I wore wings. You get it, right?) ^_^
Well, I think every person has masks that they wear in real life. It's not as obvious as sticking on a Mardi Gras full feather mask, but happens none-the-less. I know I certainly have a Mean Tori mask that comes on at times. My whole life has been a struggle to make that particular mask less horrible, if it comes out, with the ultimate goal to never wear it. I guess that's probably not so terribly unusual. Lots of people probably have that same mask to struggle with. Well, for the first few years Jessie didn't have it, as far as I knew. I have come to recognize his... MUCH more subtle than mine, for sure. But... in a way the subtlety just makes dealing with it that much difficult, in my opinion. Anyway... more recently (the past 2 years, perhaps), Jessie's mean mask has become, in my mind, his "jerk costume". When he puts it on, I put on my own costume relative to a girl. Didn't you know I tend to mirror for others what they put out toward me? Yep. It's not a talent, really, it's quite horrible because not only do I mirror, but I intensify and sort of cook-it-down, so the person pushing out meanness gets at least as much back as they push to me.
Basically, I'm explaining that Jess and I had a really horrible night last night. He was mean and I was nasty right back. Thus, my hell of yesterday and today.
My girls are surely the most wonderful cherubs (without being truly perfect, of course) on the face of the planet. I hope, of course, that if you are a parent you will completely and utterly disagree because your own children should be exactly what mine are to me. You need not tell me how wonderful your kiddos are, I'm sure, and I'm glad for you! ^_^ Anyway... yesterday was a really rough day for me and my girls were just SO easy! I know women who have a difficult day and their kids are more troublesome than normal. And, I'm sure, there have been days like that. But not lately for me, with my girls. I am so blessed!!!
Jess and I had a wonderful wedding that started out as a party and ended as a party with the wedding in the middle. It wasn't just any ol' party, though. It was a masquerade "ball" of a party. Our wedding favors were actual masks to which we attached our wedding info. We had ALL kinds of masks. Here is a taste of the variety we had to give to our friends and family: we had Mardi Gras feathered masks, half masks, full masks, animal face masks, goofy people masks, and more. Every aspect that we could think of, for our wedding, was full of symbolism. The masks symbolize (not too difficult to figure) the faces that people wear out of necessity during phases or through experiences in their lives. Neither Jess nor I actually wore a mask for our party/wedding, but we did wear the symbol of the nickname the other gave. (Jess is my king, he wore a crown. He called me his angel, so I wore wings. You get it, right?) ^_^
Well, I think every person has masks that they wear in real life. It's not as obvious as sticking on a Mardi Gras full feather mask, but happens none-the-less. I know I certainly have a Mean Tori mask that comes on at times. My whole life has been a struggle to make that particular mask less horrible, if it comes out, with the ultimate goal to never wear it. I guess that's probably not so terribly unusual. Lots of people probably have that same mask to struggle with. Well, for the first few years Jessie didn't have it, as far as I knew. I have come to recognize his... MUCH more subtle than mine, for sure. But... in a way the subtlety just makes dealing with it that much difficult, in my opinion. Anyway... more recently (the past 2 years, perhaps), Jessie's mean mask has become, in my mind, his "jerk costume". When he puts it on, I put on my own costume relative to a girl. Didn't you know I tend to mirror for others what they put out toward me? Yep. It's not a talent, really, it's quite horrible because not only do I mirror, but I intensify and sort of cook-it-down, so the person pushing out meanness gets at least as much back as they push to me.
Basically, I'm explaining that Jess and I had a really horrible night last night. He was mean and I was nasty right back. Thus, my hell of yesterday and today.
My girls are surely the most wonderful cherubs (without being truly perfect, of course) on the face of the planet. I hope, of course, that if you are a parent you will completely and utterly disagree because your own children should be exactly what mine are to me. You need not tell me how wonderful your kiddos are, I'm sure, and I'm glad for you! ^_^ Anyway... yesterday was a really rough day for me and my girls were just SO easy! I know women who have a difficult day and their kids are more troublesome than normal. And, I'm sure, there have been days like that. But not lately for me, with my girls. I am so blessed!!!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
A Day to Run Away
As wonderful as today was for at least one person in my extended family, it was truly horrible this evening for me. While the details are important to understanding my predicament, I feel they are inappropriate to share with the world at large. So, suffice it to say I have felt a bit of hell on Earth.
Even in hell, though, there are shining bits of joy and beauty. I will call mine: Ria and Kitty Kat. Pretty appropriate, I think! :) While they are also, at times, the most troublesome of trials, they've brought me some sweet moments in the midst of my anger and frustration of this night.
Kat, especially, seems well equipped to cheer me. Ria wants to hug and hold me, which I understand because that's what she needs when in a similar state. However, when angry such that I cry, I don't want touches. I don't really WANT anything, per se. Kathryn came over to me and put her head on my lap (much more tolerable than being climbed upon) and then looked up after a moment and gave me the goofiest, sweetest BIG smile. And I felt a burst of joy in the midst of frustration. I'm so very grateful to be a Mama! Even with the annoyance and frustrations I have felt as a Mama, moments such as that smile by Kat are priceless!!
Even in hell, though, there are shining bits of joy and beauty. I will call mine: Ria and Kitty Kat. Pretty appropriate, I think! :) While they are also, at times, the most troublesome of trials, they've brought me some sweet moments in the midst of my anger and frustration of this night.
Kat, especially, seems well equipped to cheer me. Ria wants to hug and hold me, which I understand because that's what she needs when in a similar state. However, when angry such that I cry, I don't want touches. I don't really WANT anything, per se. Kathryn came over to me and put her head on my lap (much more tolerable than being climbed upon) and then looked up after a moment and gave me the goofiest, sweetest BIG smile. And I felt a burst of joy in the midst of frustration. I'm so very grateful to be a Mama! Even with the annoyance and frustrations I have felt as a Mama, moments such as that smile by Kat are priceless!!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Kickin Up a Storm
Saturday night Jess was bonding with our unborn baby. Basically, thus far, that just means rubbing the belly. He noticed, during the process, that the uterus is more pronounced, but my actual belly is smaller! What a joy to hear!! ^_^ That's really a tangent to the point, though.
Well, the baby started kickin really strongly as Daddy's hand was near. Jess told me he didn't feel it, though, when I asked. Well, as he continued to rub gently, the baby decided to try another tack to getting some attention! Instead of kicking, s/he somehow wedged him/herself in there and pushed REALLY hard. The result was that some part of the baby was protruding MUCH more than normal. This was true to such an extent that Jess felt the hard knot of tension that was the baby! The baby stayed like that for about 2 minutes and Jess and I marveled together that the baby was really trying to make sure his/her presence was felt/known! This whole thing was a totally new experience for us. Neither Ria nor Kat ever did anything like this - and ESPECIALLY NOT at 22.5 weeks in utero!!!
During the day on Sunday I was sitting quietly with the girls. As I was sitting I started to feel the baby move a lot and pretty strongly. So I started to watch my belly a little. This baby was kicking so hard that I actually SAW my belly move a number of times! While this is not terribly unusual during pregnancy I must add that at this time the baby is supposedly around a mere 1 pound heavy and 11 inches long! Can you imagine what I'm in for in a few months!!?? It's really amazing how very different each baby/pregnancy is. It will be even MORE amazing if this big kicker is a girl simply because she will be so TOTALLY different from Ria and Kat. Of course, that sort of goes without saying, but still. :)
Well, the baby started kickin really strongly as Daddy's hand was near. Jess told me he didn't feel it, though, when I asked. Well, as he continued to rub gently, the baby decided to try another tack to getting some attention! Instead of kicking, s/he somehow wedged him/herself in there and pushed REALLY hard. The result was that some part of the baby was protruding MUCH more than normal. This was true to such an extent that Jess felt the hard knot of tension that was the baby! The baby stayed like that for about 2 minutes and Jess and I marveled together that the baby was really trying to make sure his/her presence was felt/known! This whole thing was a totally new experience for us. Neither Ria nor Kat ever did anything like this - and ESPECIALLY NOT at 22.5 weeks in utero!!!
During the day on Sunday I was sitting quietly with the girls. As I was sitting I started to feel the baby move a lot and pretty strongly. So I started to watch my belly a little. This baby was kicking so hard that I actually SAW my belly move a number of times! While this is not terribly unusual during pregnancy I must add that at this time the baby is supposedly around a mere 1 pound heavy and 11 inches long! Can you imagine what I'm in for in a few months!!?? It's really amazing how very different each baby/pregnancy is. It will be even MORE amazing if this big kicker is a girl simply because she will be so TOTALLY different from Ria and Kat. Of course, that sort of goes without saying, but still. :)
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Enchanting
So, Jess wasn't able to go to church because he's had a really rough stomach ache. He was going to keep Kat home, but I wanted her to get back to nursery (she missed last week because she had a REALLY runny nose). Needless to say, I think, I wasn't really looking forward to Sacrament Meeting on my own. I know plenty of women do it all the time - and with more than two kiddos. But I REALLY look forward to Sacrament Meeting as a time Jess takes over for an hour and I get to just pay attention to something geared toward adults!
Well, Ria was excited to go to church, as she always is. And even though she was sad that Daddy wasn't going, she was only bothered by that as we drove away from the house. She was most bothered by the fact that he didn't stand at the garage door and wave to us. But when I explained that he had to run to the bathroom because of his belly hurting, she was really all right with the whole situation.
The drive to church was quite ok. Often enough Ria will whine or fuss about one thing or another. Not a bit of that this time, though.
We arrived to church in plenty of time to get our seats and deliver the Primary attendance folders to the classes (even with both girls helping, which takes longer) and still be able to sit down before the services started! YEAY!!!
As we walked from our van to the church Ria said, "Isn't it beautiful today?!" I agreed that it was. And then she almost reverently added, as she looked the church, "It's an enchanting day!" I looked down at my little girl in a bit of surprise and asked if I'd heard her right. She looked up at me with her angelic smile (not often used with ME!) and told me I was right and asked, "Isn't it an echanting day!?" I had to admit that it was, if for no other reason than because of HER!! :) What an amazing little girl, eh?
Well, Ria was excited to go to church, as she always is. And even though she was sad that Daddy wasn't going, she was only bothered by that as we drove away from the house. She was most bothered by the fact that he didn't stand at the garage door and wave to us. But when I explained that he had to run to the bathroom because of his belly hurting, she was really all right with the whole situation.
The drive to church was quite ok. Often enough Ria will whine or fuss about one thing or another. Not a bit of that this time, though.
We arrived to church in plenty of time to get our seats and deliver the Primary attendance folders to the classes (even with both girls helping, which takes longer) and still be able to sit down before the services started! YEAY!!!
As we walked from our van to the church Ria said, "Isn't it beautiful today?!" I agreed that it was. And then she almost reverently added, as she looked the church, "It's an enchanting day!" I looked down at my little girl in a bit of surprise and asked if I'd heard her right. She looked up at me with her angelic smile (not often used with ME!) and told me I was right and asked, "Isn't it an echanting day!?" I had to admit that it was, if for no other reason than because of HER!! :) What an amazing little girl, eh?
Thursday, June 5, 2008
the HEAT!
So, it is officially HOT here! Of course, I suppose it should be since we are subtropical and all, but MAN! It's been in the 90s now for around a week and Story Time days are really the worst because we are outside around noon. The other days that we are out, it's earlier, so we're usually in by just after noon. We didn't get home today until right around 1pm. Seriously, I've actually gotten a burn in the SHADE! Isn't that crazy!? Ok, so maybe you remember me as having pretty fair skin, so that's the explanation. But I have a friend who is olive skinned (from the middle east) and SHE burned after sitting in umbrella shade for a few hours. So, I'm trying to be really careful about hydrating the girls and myself. It's not always easy to carry enough water, though. *sigh*
My walking time is still drastically cooler than the mid-day, but it, too, has heated up seriously. I try to leave at 7pm because by the time I'm getting home the breezes are REALLY great and it has, until now, been really pretty cool. It was not cool when I got home last night! It wasn't miserably overhot (like today) because the breezes from the ocean are GREAT, but the girls certainly don't need a blanket of any kind anymore, either!
So, thus far this week I've walked twice. Tuesday for 85 minutes and Wednesday for 86 or 87. Recently a friend of mine told me that her trainer informed her that working out for more than 20 minutes has been shown to offer little benefit. And that intervals burn more fat than a constant fast walk. Well, as far as the latter is concerned, I totally believe it. But where a fat girl is concerned, I do NOT believe that I should only exercise for 20 minutes of intervals a day! I know that the long walks I take are benefiting my body AND MORE! 20 minutes of intervals would be a good starting place for someone who is my size and all, but I am certain that doing 30+ minutes of intervals has awesome benefits for one as fat as me! Not only have I actually lost weight while preggie, my temperment has become much MUCH more moderate... I feel calmer, happier, and significantly more peaceful. I believe that these results come from the exercise and faith. The one would help, but the other completes the package (and vice versa). I believe Father wants us to work like it all depends on us and pray like it all depends on him... and when we do the two together, things work out! Thus my life now! ^_^
Jess rides his bike to his morning job, which is only about 5 blocks away. But he also has to ride it home at 2pm. It sure is HOT! But, driving wouldn't really be better because the van would sit in the heat to be nice and steamy for the short ride home. AND it would be rediculous to spend gas $$ on such a trip (unless heavy rains required it). We aren't getting much rain here. Probably we'll have more wildfires before too long... it's just turning into a tinderbox around these parts.
Oh, we are officially a single vehicle family again. Jess sold the car for $200, which is about what he put into it as he was trying to get it functional again. We're also saving more and $130 on insurance. Since I really don't drive much at all, we probably will end up ahead on spending even with Jess driving the van to and from the Club. All in all the car was a wonderful vehicle for us, but it really was time to allow it to give up its ghost. Jess couldn't deal with the water pump repair, which is what he figured was the last problem he encountered. While I would love to have another vehicle for the convenience, I really felt from the moment the car broke this time that it was time to use just one vehicle again. And that's not what I felt every other time we encountered a problem prior to this. So, it's all going to work out just fine, I'm sure.
My walking time is still drastically cooler than the mid-day, but it, too, has heated up seriously. I try to leave at 7pm because by the time I'm getting home the breezes are REALLY great and it has, until now, been really pretty cool. It was not cool when I got home last night! It wasn't miserably overhot (like today) because the breezes from the ocean are GREAT, but the girls certainly don't need a blanket of any kind anymore, either!
So, thus far this week I've walked twice. Tuesday for 85 minutes and Wednesday for 86 or 87. Recently a friend of mine told me that her trainer informed her that working out for more than 20 minutes has been shown to offer little benefit. And that intervals burn more fat than a constant fast walk. Well, as far as the latter is concerned, I totally believe it. But where a fat girl is concerned, I do NOT believe that I should only exercise for 20 minutes of intervals a day! I know that the long walks I take are benefiting my body AND MORE! 20 minutes of intervals would be a good starting place for someone who is my size and all, but I am certain that doing 30+ minutes of intervals has awesome benefits for one as fat as me! Not only have I actually lost weight while preggie, my temperment has become much MUCH more moderate... I feel calmer, happier, and significantly more peaceful. I believe that these results come from the exercise and faith. The one would help, but the other completes the package (and vice versa). I believe Father wants us to work like it all depends on us and pray like it all depends on him... and when we do the two together, things work out! Thus my life now! ^_^
Jess rides his bike to his morning job, which is only about 5 blocks away. But he also has to ride it home at 2pm. It sure is HOT! But, driving wouldn't really be better because the van would sit in the heat to be nice and steamy for the short ride home. AND it would be rediculous to spend gas $$ on such a trip (unless heavy rains required it). We aren't getting much rain here. Probably we'll have more wildfires before too long... it's just turning into a tinderbox around these parts.
Oh, we are officially a single vehicle family again. Jess sold the car for $200, which is about what he put into it as he was trying to get it functional again. We're also saving more and $130 on insurance. Since I really don't drive much at all, we probably will end up ahead on spending even with Jess driving the van to and from the Club. All in all the car was a wonderful vehicle for us, but it really was time to allow it to give up its ghost. Jess couldn't deal with the water pump repair, which is what he figured was the last problem he encountered. While I would love to have another vehicle for the convenience, I really felt from the moment the car broke this time that it was time to use just one vehicle again. And that's not what I felt every other time we encountered a problem prior to this. So, it's all going to work out just fine, I'm sure.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Homeschooling
Ria and I did our regular reading class this morning. She read another pretty tough book, though this one was shorter than yesterday's. I was pleased with her efforts. This afternoon we worked on writing numbers AND started Math class! She's so excited to add another class (and movie; for a while) to the day! :) Her penmanship was quite good. We didn't work on the divided lines for teaching writing, but she had the shapes of the numbers almost right away and they looked almost perfect! I'm so pleased.
I'm research reading a lot more again. It took me a while to get my brain in gear to resume the heavy reading that tends to come when I'm researching. Today I've resumed delving into the subject of homeschooling and issues facing homeschoolers. It's really quite amazing how much we have to take into consideration as we make choices as homeschoolers! It's definitely a LOT more involved than sending the kids off to public school. I mean, I already knew that would be the case as far as the whole bit about teaching my own kids, but it's SO much more than that! Anyway, I wanted to share the articles I've been reading, in case there are others who are looking in to homeschooling and would like to be responsible about what kinds of choices they make AS homeschoolers. :)
I have to say, before I share what I've been reading, that I before altering my behavior drastically about 3.5 weeks ago, I was really dreading the never ending-ness that is the life of a homeschool Mama! I mean, what a relief it must be for most Mamas to have the break of Public School to look forward to. I mean, they get to sending some of the kiddos off to school and having more quiet time with the younger ones! I can totally understand how many (most?) Mom's look forward to the onset of the school year after the months of summer. The changes I have, with the support and guidance of FATHER, brought about in myself have really helped me tremendously in EVERY way. One key way those changes have helped is that now I don't dread always having my children around at home. It's still tough, but I don't wish I could send them to public school, like I was for a while there. I mean, I don't need the break from them that Public School would have provided because I'm in control of me! It's such a relief and I only pray that I'll be able to endure to the end in this wonderful change FATHER has wrought in me!!! ^_^ However, I'm grateful for the understanding I have been blessed with by those very psychologically difficult moments over the course of many months that I wished for PS. I'm also VERY relieved and even joyful in knowing that homeschooling my children really isn't some random personal choice, but what FATHER REALLY wants me to do with/for my family!
Okay... moving on: This is just from today and I'm sure I'll be reading on this topic regularly. So, check back often for more links to even more articles if you find any of these interesting! :) Oh, and as of today, these are all from one site. But I've got quite a few other resources to look into... so there will be more diversity of voice in the future as well. ^_^
Your Homeschooling Decisions Affect My Homeschooling Freedoms
http://www.homeedmag.com/HEM/182/match.html
Practical Ways to Claim Responsibility for Our Homeschools
http://www.homeedmag.com/HEM/203/mjtch.html
Working for Homeschooling Freedoms: Chore or Opportunity?
http://www.homeedmag.com/HEM/171.00/jf_clmn_tch.html
Why the Question of Homeschoolers' Playing Public School Sports Affects All Homeschoolers - Larry and Susan Kaseman
http://www.homeedmag.com/HEM/173.00/mj_clmn_tch.html
I'm research reading a lot more again. It took me a while to get my brain in gear to resume the heavy reading that tends to come when I'm researching. Today I've resumed delving into the subject of homeschooling and issues facing homeschoolers. It's really quite amazing how much we have to take into consideration as we make choices as homeschoolers! It's definitely a LOT more involved than sending the kids off to public school. I mean, I already knew that would be the case as far as the whole bit about teaching my own kids, but it's SO much more than that! Anyway, I wanted to share the articles I've been reading, in case there are others who are looking in to homeschooling and would like to be responsible about what kinds of choices they make AS homeschoolers. :)
I have to say, before I share what I've been reading, that I before altering my behavior drastically about 3.5 weeks ago, I was really dreading the never ending-ness that is the life of a homeschool Mama! I mean, what a relief it must be for most Mamas to have the break of Public School to look forward to. I mean, they get to sending some of the kiddos off to school and having more quiet time with the younger ones! I can totally understand how many (most?) Mom's look forward to the onset of the school year after the months of summer. The changes I have, with the support and guidance of FATHER, brought about in myself have really helped me tremendously in EVERY way. One key way those changes have helped is that now I don't dread always having my children around at home. It's still tough, but I don't wish I could send them to public school, like I was for a while there. I mean, I don't need the break from them that Public School would have provided because I'm in control of me! It's such a relief and I only pray that I'll be able to endure to the end in this wonderful change FATHER has wrought in me!!! ^_^ However, I'm grateful for the understanding I have been blessed with by those very psychologically difficult moments over the course of many months that I wished for PS. I'm also VERY relieved and even joyful in knowing that homeschooling my children really isn't some random personal choice, but what FATHER REALLY wants me to do with/for my family!
Okay... moving on: This is just from today and I'm sure I'll be reading on this topic regularly. So, check back often for more links to even more articles if you find any of these interesting! :) Oh, and as of today, these are all from one site. But I've got quite a few other resources to look into... so there will be more diversity of voice in the future as well. ^_^
Your Homeschooling Decisions Affect My Homeschooling Freedoms
http://www.homeedmag.com/HEM/182/match.html
Practical Ways to Claim Responsibility for Our Homeschools
http://www.homeedmag.com/HEM/203/mjtch.html
Working for Homeschooling Freedoms: Chore or Opportunity?
http://www.homeedmag.com/HEM/171.00/jf_clmn_tch.html
Why the Question of Homeschoolers' Playing Public School Sports Affects All Homeschoolers - Larry and Susan Kaseman
http://www.homeedmag.com/HEM/173.00/mj_clmn_tch.html
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
The Princess and the Pea
The title of the day is the title of the book Ria read today. This is a book that she received from her Aunt Evelyn for Christmas a few years ago. This book is NOT an easy reader. It is 29 pages long, though the writing is only on one page of every two... it covers the majority of each of those pages. The lesson, today, took 35-45 minutes, but Ria read the WHOLE story today! She did a really GREAT job, too. I was rather impressed and I'm not often impressed with her reading lately because she's just become that competent. ^_^ So, I'm a VERY very VERY pleased Mama.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Papa Departs
We left before 7am to get Papa (J Pa) to the airport in Orlando. The traffic was really easy, so we arrived around 9am. We ate breakfast together at Chick-Fil-A and then Papa had to go through the checkpoint to get to his plane. We left the airport immediately. Before we'd even made our way out of the parking garage, Ria saddly comented, "I miss Papa!" She repeated this refrain no fewer than 10 times before the end of the day, I'm sure. It was REALLY nice to have my Dad visit. It was a joy to share Ria's FIRST dance recital with him. And it was wonderful for me that Ria read GUESS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU to him. He was adequately impressed.
After leaving the airport, we headed to the temple. I completely forgot, of course, that the temple is closed on Mondays. So, we enjoyed a little bit of walking on the grounds together. We would have stayed longer, but both Jess and I had to use a restroom! For the HOT ride home we stopped and purchased some chocolate milkshakes for the girls and some sweet tea for Jess from Krystals.
It's been really quiet around here since Papa's been gone. Though, I will definitely say that Ria has been testing a LOT more since he's been gone. (Mostly testing Daddy since I think she's started to trust that Mama's really NOT going to freak out on her anymore.)
After leaving the airport, we headed to the temple. I completely forgot, of course, that the temple is closed on Mondays. So, we enjoyed a little bit of walking on the grounds together. We would have stayed longer, but both Jess and I had to use a restroom! For the HOT ride home we stopped and purchased some chocolate milkshakes for the girls and some sweet tea for Jess from Krystals.
It's been really quiet around here since Papa's been gone. Though, I will definitely say that Ria has been testing a LOT more since he's been gone. (Mostly testing Daddy since I think she's started to trust that Mama's really NOT going to freak out on her anymore.)
Sunday, June 1, 2008
The Dance Recital!
Saturday, May 31st, 2008 at 7pm Ria's first dance recital was scheduled to begin. However, we arrived by 6:15pm to finalize preparations for the recital. For instance, her constume was a little bit too poofy to wear in her car seat and we couldn't put her lipstick on at home because Kat would chase her trying to get at those colored lips! So, she got dressed and I applied her BRIGHT red lipliner and lipstick. Then I had to bring her to the room in which she would wait until her performance time. Each group was assigned a helper or helpers. Ria's helper was Lori and her young son, Sam.
A friend of mine (who I met only BECAUSE I wore Kathryn in a sling), Delynne, has one of the only two young boys in the dance program at our Dance school. Both boys were assigned to the room Ria was in because it made dealing with their gender easier (except that every time a girl had to change, the boys had to go out of the room). I don't look forward to such issues with our sons... but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Anyway, I wasn't able to drop Ria off as I thought I would because my friend was anxious about how her son would cope with being among children he didn't know. He DID know Ria, so she asked if her son could hang out with Ria. Of course I was totally okay with that, but I knew I should make sure things would be cool with the helpers because they are all very concientious and I didn't want them to worry about the situation. So, that took some time.
Finally, it looked like I could leave. Ria was completely and totally okay with me leaving her. Why wouldn't she be?! She knows I always come back. :)
So, I go out to find my Dad and Jess waiting in the hall... impatiently? Oops.
We make our way to the front of the auditorium and wait to enter. The first thing I did upon entering was head to what looked like the DVD order forms. I was SO glad they were there because I thought, based on what we were told, that we had to order them the day before. So, I purchased 2. We are keeping one because I want Ria to be able to see herself on stage, but more importantly, I want her to see and get excited about what the future holds for her in dance! I expect that this DVD will be much loved! If you remember how she determined she would be a ballerina, you'd probably agree with me. My Dad is taking the other one back to VA for those interested to view. ^_^
After ordering the movie, I picked up the rose I'd purchased for Ria. The only reason I was able to get it is because I'd budgeted $15 for tights and they'd ended up at just under $10 via the internet (including shipping!). So, I had an "extra" $5 and decided I really wanted to do the rose for Ria. I was hoping it would be special to her.
Then I went into the seating area and found Jess with Kat and my Dad. Kat was not happy to sit while the lights were on and nothing was happening, so Jess and I made a plan for him to take care of her initially and then I would take her during Ria's performance so he could sit and watch it. So, he got up and took Kat to the back.
The performances started a little late. Ria's group was the 9th to go. There were some really great groups and I was lucky in that I got to see how the first 8 groups did just the night before compared to their final performance. Kat actually REALLY enjoyed the actual dances. She was quite attentive and quiet for them and ESPECIALLY when the big girls were dancing (not on pointe). It was really wonderful! Ria's turn approached and I started to feel all jumpy in my chest and as if I was bubbling with excitement and some nervousness. I'm sure I felt MUCH more of all that than Ria. She was THE consumate performer!
Our group received THE most exclamations of "Ohh" and "Ahhh" of any of the young ones. I had intended to watch Ria and also note the performance of the other girls in her class, but once her song started, "Baby Ballerinas," I couldn't look away from my girl! And the thing that caught me by surprise... perhaps even shocked me... was the overwhelming feelings of pleasure and joy in her efforts... AND the tears that poured down my cheeks! I was so pleased and impressed with how comfortable she was up there and with how HARD she was trying to do everything just right. She REALLY did her VERY best! And the contrast from the previous afternoon was dramatic. Last night, at her recital she kept checking for guidance from her teacher (who was hidden in the wings) when she wasn't able to quite remember what to do next. She pointed her toes just right (turned OUT) and I think she even smiled a little bit! There was only 1 pause in her performance when she couldn't remember what to do and couldn't see her teacher (and hadn't moved back to be able to watch her). But the rest of the time she was RIGHT ON! She even acted as a leader, at one point, in trying to get the girls on her end (since she was THE farthest to the left of the stage she could have been) to do what they were supposed to do. I just loved EVERY bit of it!!! One of the sweetest parts was the very end. All of the girls were supposed to raise their arms and tippy-toe off stage (toward Ria's side) at the end. Ria and two other little girls just stood motionless as the applause began and as their peers tippy-toed off the stage. I don't know if the other two girls were frozen in fear... but that's NOT why Ria remained motionless.
As she stood there, transfixed by the cheers, Ria had THE biggest most beautific smile on her face. She was just SURE that every one of those claps and cheers was just for her. And she was soaking it up and basking in the adoration. That's why MY Ria was motionless as we clapped!
We had to pick up our children during Intermission. I was happy to be able/allowed to go get her. It's not completely comfortable for me to be always with my children, but it's even more UNcomfortable for me to be away from them, especially when I don't know their caretakers very well.
I brought Ria the rose I'd picked: purple. She is very clear on her very favorite colors: pink and purple. (Orange used to be one of them, but she's recently lost interest in it. Don't know why.)
When I arrived in her room she popped up immediately when she saw me and her eyes were immediately glued to the rose. She didn't really greet me, she just wanted to know if that flower was for HER!?? So, I bent down and spoke to her for a moment about my pleasure in her and her efforts during the recital and then presented the rose to her. She was happy with the praise, but I'm certain, based on her pleasure with it, that the rose meant a LOT more to her! I think she may be a physical affection and gifts Love Language kid.
She just kept admiring her purple rose. She looked at it, smelled it, and said funny adorable things like, "Oh, is this beautiful flower for ME?" and "Oh Mama, this is THE sweetest flower! Thank you so much for getting it for me!!!" and "I'm so happy to have this purple rose. It's perfect." These are not things she said once, she said them over and over with slight variations for at LEAST 15 minutes after she received it!!!
I realized that one of Ria's classmates, a little girl named Roxanna, was becoming upset in a very tearful way. Ria was ready to leave, but I asked her to wait so I could help her friend. So, I picked Rozanna up and held her and promised her that her Mama was coming. She was just sure that her Mama had forgotten her. She was scared and crying. Her Mom came and even had a BOUQUET of flowers for her. (I was actually really worried that Ria would notice that other little girls received multiple flowers and be sad that she got just one, but she didn't care a BIT what other girls got! She was just tickled "purple" about her purple rose!) Roxanna was mostly calm by the time her Mom arrived, but with the flowers her Mom gaver her completed her 180.
I think Roxanna was very touched by the way I treated her because she stayed near us until we actually had to leave to go to our van. It's important to mention that Roxanna speaks quite understandable English when she's not upset, but her Mama isn't confident in spoken English and only understands when one speaks slowly for her and tries different approaches/words to communicate. So, I can only imagine that Roxanna might have thought that her Mama didn't understand what was supposed to happen!
Ria was just a gem in accepting her verbal accolades from her Daddy and Papa! She was so pleased and happy and talked to them quite a bit about her flower. And when we put her to bed LATE that night she smiled beautifically once again for Mama and Daddy, in turn, when we complimented her accomplishment in our own way. Daddy: "You are a REAL ballerina now! You did such a good job tonight and I'm SO proud of you!" Mama: "You are my very own ballerina. I'm so pleased! Thank you so much for doing your very best!!"
After this experience I had a little quiet time to ponder my thoughts and feelings of the night as I drove home from Wal-Mart. The Holy Ghost whispered some ideas to me and a wonderful bright understanding came into my heart... like a personal testimony about something I've known to be true, but not FELT for myself. It is this: The joy and pleasure I felt in my daughter, knowing that she was really trying her very best - even if it was NOT perfect, is only a fraction of the pleasure, satisfaction, and rejoicing that Father and His Heavenly Hosts feel in US when He and They can discern that we are truly doing our very best - however imperfect it may be in reality!!!!
This is not a tremendous epiphany in the truest sense: that some knowledge coalesced from little/nothing because I'd totally KNOWN this fact for a long while. And, although I was not able to listen to it myself, I did hear, second-hand, about one of the main subjects Thomas S. Monson delivered around the time of President Hinkley's death (perhaps AT his service?): "Just do your best. That's all Father expects of ANY of us!" I've known it in my head. But what a blessing and JOY it is to my heart and soul to have this new experience of KNOWING and FEELING it in my heart and soul as a result of feeling it (to a mortal's ability to do so) for my own daughter!!!
Man, Motherhood is SUCH a gift!!! I know I would not be anywhere near as good a person as I am becoming if I didn't have the opportunity/challenges of Motherhood in my life!!!! I'm so very grateful for all of it! Children really are THE greatest gift Father could lend us!!!!! ^_^
A friend of mine (who I met only BECAUSE I wore Kathryn in a sling), Delynne, has one of the only two young boys in the dance program at our Dance school. Both boys were assigned to the room Ria was in because it made dealing with their gender easier (except that every time a girl had to change, the boys had to go out of the room). I don't look forward to such issues with our sons... but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Anyway, I wasn't able to drop Ria off as I thought I would because my friend was anxious about how her son would cope with being among children he didn't know. He DID know Ria, so she asked if her son could hang out with Ria. Of course I was totally okay with that, but I knew I should make sure things would be cool with the helpers because they are all very concientious and I didn't want them to worry about the situation. So, that took some time.
Finally, it looked like I could leave. Ria was completely and totally okay with me leaving her. Why wouldn't she be?! She knows I always come back. :)
So, I go out to find my Dad and Jess waiting in the hall... impatiently? Oops.
We make our way to the front of the auditorium and wait to enter. The first thing I did upon entering was head to what looked like the DVD order forms. I was SO glad they were there because I thought, based on what we were told, that we had to order them the day before. So, I purchased 2. We are keeping one because I want Ria to be able to see herself on stage, but more importantly, I want her to see and get excited about what the future holds for her in dance! I expect that this DVD will be much loved! If you remember how she determined she would be a ballerina, you'd probably agree with me. My Dad is taking the other one back to VA for those interested to view. ^_^
After ordering the movie, I picked up the rose I'd purchased for Ria. The only reason I was able to get it is because I'd budgeted $15 for tights and they'd ended up at just under $10 via the internet (including shipping!). So, I had an "extra" $5 and decided I really wanted to do the rose for Ria. I was hoping it would be special to her.
Then I went into the seating area and found Jess with Kat and my Dad. Kat was not happy to sit while the lights were on and nothing was happening, so Jess and I made a plan for him to take care of her initially and then I would take her during Ria's performance so he could sit and watch it. So, he got up and took Kat to the back.
The performances started a little late. Ria's group was the 9th to go. There were some really great groups and I was lucky in that I got to see how the first 8 groups did just the night before compared to their final performance. Kat actually REALLY enjoyed the actual dances. She was quite attentive and quiet for them and ESPECIALLY when the big girls were dancing (not on pointe). It was really wonderful! Ria's turn approached and I started to feel all jumpy in my chest and as if I was bubbling with excitement and some nervousness. I'm sure I felt MUCH more of all that than Ria. She was THE consumate performer!
Our group received THE most exclamations of "Ohh" and "Ahhh" of any of the young ones. I had intended to watch Ria and also note the performance of the other girls in her class, but once her song started, "Baby Ballerinas," I couldn't look away from my girl! And the thing that caught me by surprise... perhaps even shocked me... was the overwhelming feelings of pleasure and joy in her efforts... AND the tears that poured down my cheeks! I was so pleased and impressed with how comfortable she was up there and with how HARD she was trying to do everything just right. She REALLY did her VERY best! And the contrast from the previous afternoon was dramatic. Last night, at her recital she kept checking for guidance from her teacher (who was hidden in the wings) when she wasn't able to quite remember what to do next. She pointed her toes just right (turned OUT) and I think she even smiled a little bit! There was only 1 pause in her performance when she couldn't remember what to do and couldn't see her teacher (and hadn't moved back to be able to watch her). But the rest of the time she was RIGHT ON! She even acted as a leader, at one point, in trying to get the girls on her end (since she was THE farthest to the left of the stage she could have been) to do what they were supposed to do. I just loved EVERY bit of it!!! One of the sweetest parts was the very end. All of the girls were supposed to raise their arms and tippy-toe off stage (toward Ria's side) at the end. Ria and two other little girls just stood motionless as the applause began and as their peers tippy-toed off the stage. I don't know if the other two girls were frozen in fear... but that's NOT why Ria remained motionless.
As she stood there, transfixed by the cheers, Ria had THE biggest most beautific smile on her face. She was just SURE that every one of those claps and cheers was just for her. And she was soaking it up and basking in the adoration. That's why MY Ria was motionless as we clapped!
We had to pick up our children during Intermission. I was happy to be able/allowed to go get her. It's not completely comfortable for me to be always with my children, but it's even more UNcomfortable for me to be away from them, especially when I don't know their caretakers very well.
I brought Ria the rose I'd picked: purple. She is very clear on her very favorite colors: pink and purple. (Orange used to be one of them, but she's recently lost interest in it. Don't know why.)
When I arrived in her room she popped up immediately when she saw me and her eyes were immediately glued to the rose. She didn't really greet me, she just wanted to know if that flower was for HER!?? So, I bent down and spoke to her for a moment about my pleasure in her and her efforts during the recital and then presented the rose to her. She was happy with the praise, but I'm certain, based on her pleasure with it, that the rose meant a LOT more to her! I think she may be a physical affection and gifts Love Language kid.
She just kept admiring her purple rose. She looked at it, smelled it, and said funny adorable things like, "Oh, is this beautiful flower for ME?" and "Oh Mama, this is THE sweetest flower! Thank you so much for getting it for me!!!" and "I'm so happy to have this purple rose. It's perfect." These are not things she said once, she said them over and over with slight variations for at LEAST 15 minutes after she received it!!!
I realized that one of Ria's classmates, a little girl named Roxanna, was becoming upset in a very tearful way. Ria was ready to leave, but I asked her to wait so I could help her friend. So, I picked Rozanna up and held her and promised her that her Mama was coming. She was just sure that her Mama had forgotten her. She was scared and crying. Her Mom came and even had a BOUQUET of flowers for her. (I was actually really worried that Ria would notice that other little girls received multiple flowers and be sad that she got just one, but she didn't care a BIT what other girls got! She was just tickled "purple" about her purple rose!) Roxanna was mostly calm by the time her Mom arrived, but with the flowers her Mom gaver her completed her 180.
I think Roxanna was very touched by the way I treated her because she stayed near us until we actually had to leave to go to our van. It's important to mention that Roxanna speaks quite understandable English when she's not upset, but her Mama isn't confident in spoken English and only understands when one speaks slowly for her and tries different approaches/words to communicate. So, I can only imagine that Roxanna might have thought that her Mama didn't understand what was supposed to happen!
Ria was just a gem in accepting her verbal accolades from her Daddy and Papa! She was so pleased and happy and talked to them quite a bit about her flower. And when we put her to bed LATE that night she smiled beautifically once again for Mama and Daddy, in turn, when we complimented her accomplishment in our own way. Daddy: "You are a REAL ballerina now! You did such a good job tonight and I'm SO proud of you!" Mama: "You are my very own ballerina. I'm so pleased! Thank you so much for doing your very best!!"
After this experience I had a little quiet time to ponder my thoughts and feelings of the night as I drove home from Wal-Mart. The Holy Ghost whispered some ideas to me and a wonderful bright understanding came into my heart... like a personal testimony about something I've known to be true, but not FELT for myself. It is this: The joy and pleasure I felt in my daughter, knowing that she was really trying her very best - even if it was NOT perfect, is only a fraction of the pleasure, satisfaction, and rejoicing that Father and His Heavenly Hosts feel in US when He and They can discern that we are truly doing our very best - however imperfect it may be in reality!!!!
This is not a tremendous epiphany in the truest sense: that some knowledge coalesced from little/nothing because I'd totally KNOWN this fact for a long while. And, although I was not able to listen to it myself, I did hear, second-hand, about one of the main subjects Thomas S. Monson delivered around the time of President Hinkley's death (perhaps AT his service?): "Just do your best. That's all Father expects of ANY of us!" I've known it in my head. But what a blessing and JOY it is to my heart and soul to have this new experience of KNOWING and FEELING it in my heart and soul as a result of feeling it (to a mortal's ability to do so) for my own daughter!!!
Man, Motherhood is SUCH a gift!!! I know I would not be anywhere near as good a person as I am becoming if I didn't have the opportunity/challenges of Motherhood in my life!!!! I'm so very grateful for all of it! Children really are THE greatest gift Father could lend us!!!!! ^_^
Goofy Gal
I think I've used a similar title for a previous post about the girls. However, this one is all about me. Thus, gal instead of girls. :)
So, have you ever heard about how "brainless" preggie women can be? Have you ever heard of silly... dare I say, STUPID?, things preggie women have done?
I have. Fortunately up until the other night and the night-light incident I hadn't really felt like I fell among that group. Well, I'm firmly entrenched after last night's incident.
After Ria's dance recital Dad Farrell treated us to dinner at Sonny's and then we made a stop at Wal-Mart for him to get something. Well, I needed to go to the bathroom immediately, but ended up running into a friend from church I hadn't seen in months and was worried about, so I stopped to talk to her and her hubby. After a bit I was able to proceed to the back bathroom, which would put me closer to where Jess, the girls, and my Dad would be. Well, I got to the back and the bathrooms were closed. So I headed to the front bathrooms.
I went directly into the bathroom and headed straight for the largest stall since I had to go so baddly. I noticed that the bathroom seemed to have fewer stalls then I remembered, but it had been quite a while since I'd used the front ones, so I just figured they'd remodeled or something. I used the bathroom, MUCH relieved and headed out. And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a guy standing and peeing in the women's restroom. My first thought was, "Wow is HE going to be embarrassed when he realizes he's in the wrong restroom!" And then it clicked in my head that he was STANDING to pee and that he could only do that if there was a URINAL... and then... "Oh NO, I'm in the MEN'S bathroom!!!!" So, I practically ran out. The guy didn't know I was there, I HOPE! However, I did not escape undetected... two guys were walking out with their purchases RIGHT PAST me as I departed the restroom and they TOTALLY knew where I was coming from.
My only recourse was to walk as fast as possible and as soon as possible duck into the women's clothing area (to reaffirm my feminity!) and continue to speed walk to the electronics area to find my family. The whole way I was uncontrollably laughing with a few snorts sucked through my nose to make my predicament even more embarrassing. Thankfully I only passed a few people on the way to find my group.
Confession to my Dad and then Jess was the relief I needed, but it was QUITE difficult to get out amid the breath-stealing laughter I was trying to keep quiet. I was sweating up a STORM by the time I was finally able to calm down and breath properly.
So, I have finally, and FIRMLY, joined the ranks of the mentally GONE and goofy Mamas of the world! ;)
So, have you ever heard about how "brainless" preggie women can be? Have you ever heard of silly... dare I say, STUPID?, things preggie women have done?
I have. Fortunately up until the other night and the night-light incident I hadn't really felt like I fell among that group. Well, I'm firmly entrenched after last night's incident.
After Ria's dance recital Dad Farrell treated us to dinner at Sonny's and then we made a stop at Wal-Mart for him to get something. Well, I needed to go to the bathroom immediately, but ended up running into a friend from church I hadn't seen in months and was worried about, so I stopped to talk to her and her hubby. After a bit I was able to proceed to the back bathroom, which would put me closer to where Jess, the girls, and my Dad would be. Well, I got to the back and the bathrooms were closed. So I headed to the front bathrooms.
I went directly into the bathroom and headed straight for the largest stall since I had to go so baddly. I noticed that the bathroom seemed to have fewer stalls then I remembered, but it had been quite a while since I'd used the front ones, so I just figured they'd remodeled or something. I used the bathroom, MUCH relieved and headed out. And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a guy standing and peeing in the women's restroom. My first thought was, "Wow is HE going to be embarrassed when he realizes he's in the wrong restroom!" And then it clicked in my head that he was STANDING to pee and that he could only do that if there was a URINAL... and then... "Oh NO, I'm in the MEN'S bathroom!!!!" So, I practically ran out. The guy didn't know I was there, I HOPE! However, I did not escape undetected... two guys were walking out with their purchases RIGHT PAST me as I departed the restroom and they TOTALLY knew where I was coming from.
My only recourse was to walk as fast as possible and as soon as possible duck into the women's clothing area (to reaffirm my feminity!) and continue to speed walk to the electronics area to find my family. The whole way I was uncontrollably laughing with a few snorts sucked through my nose to make my predicament even more embarrassing. Thankfully I only passed a few people on the way to find my group.
Confession to my Dad and then Jess was the relief I needed, but it was QUITE difficult to get out amid the breath-stealing laughter I was trying to keep quiet. I was sweating up a STORM by the time I was finally able to calm down and breath properly.
So, I have finally, and FIRMLY, joined the ranks of the mentally GONE and goofy Mamas of the world! ;)
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