Saturday Soliloquy #30: Before We Were Married

Before Jessie and I got married, we were engaged for almost 2 years (by my count).  During that time, Jessie went on a 6-month cruise and I went to Australia as an exchange student.  It was also during that period of time that September 11th happened (while I was in Australia).  You can read a tiny bit about that here.

It's interesting to remember how long it seemed to take to get to our wedding day!  It seemed interminable.  It definitely wasn't, of course, but it sure seemed that way.

We planned everything for our wedding.  I'll tell you all about that next, probably.  We scheduled everything together.  I thought it was a great experience of increasing unity and our ability to work together.  I am very decisive most of the time and some folks don't like that much.  Thankfully Jessie did.

Before we were married, we spend all the time together that we could.  Of course we did.  We believed we were deeply in love.  It's interesting how perspective is altered after 10+ years of marriage.  Very interesting.

Saturday Soliloquy #29: When We Said, "I Love You" and Another Big Deal

It was right around two weeks into the relationship that we told each other, "I love you."  It wasn't all that big a deal, I think... but it was Valentine's Day... or maybe the day before.  Anyway... I think that was THE only truly special Valentine's Day ever for me.  Jessie may have done something for one or two Valentine's Days after that, but not really since then.  ahwell

Add another few weeks to get us to two months together... we were talking and somehow ended up in his bathroom.  I was upset about something.  Then we were talking about our relationship and getting married.  He was sitting on the toilet (on top of the lid) and I was sitting on his lap facing the tank of the toilet.  That was some time in March of 2000.

As far as I'm concerned, that March is when we got engaged because we set our wedding date: December 31, 2002.  That's when we gathered all our friends and family together for our wedding.  It was lots of fun.

I didn't get a rink at that time.  He "proposed" with a ring the Christmas after I returned from Australia.  That was nice, I guess... but it felt uncomfy for me because it was with his family and I'd only just met them.

Saturday Soliloquy #28: Introducing My Mr. to My Family

Exercise was a big part of my life when I met Jessie.  I heard from his roommates that it was not a big part of Jessie's life.  Still, he wanted to hang out with me, I guess, because he agreed to come to the gym with me and my Mom.  So, he met my Mom within the first two days.

Very early on, he also met the rest of my family when I invited Jessie to where I lived in my parents' house.  He had a friend drive him because there was something wrong with his truck.

I saw that Jessie was shy at that point.  I thought it was sorta weird because he hadn't seemed shy at all to me.  He really didn't speak at all.  He answered questions that were directed at him, but he didn't volunteer any information.  I now understand why he does this, but back then I saw it simply as a manifestation of the shyness he'd told me about, but I hadn't experienced when it was just the two of us.

Perhaps it was the second visit to my parents' house when I decided that he was either going to sink or swim among my folks.  My family is pretty important to me.  And we tend to be a bit loud and fun and direct and can sometimes overwhelm others.  So, I left Jessie in the livingroom with some of my family to go do something that I didn't need to do because I wanted to see if he could deal with my family without me.

He didn't real deal with them much.  He continued to only answer questions directed at him, but he also didn't entirely sink, as it were, either.  I'm pretty sure it was after that visit that my Mom said a few things to Jessie.  My Mom was shy when she was young.  She told Jessie, "I like shy people!  No, I really do!  The world needs Toris.  It does.  But the world needs why people, too.  Who would pay attention to Tori if there were no shy people?"  hehehe

I'm pretty sure some who haven't known me very long may find that an odd thing to say.  You just haven't known me long.  I used to be very different than I am now.  Very very different.

Jessie really liked what my Mom said to him.  He told me, "I really like your Mom."  I wasn't surprised.  My Mom is really likeable.

Saturday Soliloquy #27: How I Met My Husband: The In-Real-Life Part

You'll have to read LAST WEEK's post to really follow this one.

I always went early to meet the guys I agreed to meet from matchmaker.com.  That way I could feel comfy and greet them.  It worked very well for me.  I'm still a bit like that, I think.  I'm pretty sure my time obsession (being on time) is a result of my time in Japan!

 So, I was seated in the waiting area.  I did wander around a bit, too.  He was late.  Not horribly late, but I did wonder if he was going to stand me up, too.  I'm relatively sure my fragile ego couldn't have stood up to that again.

I knew him when I saw him.  He looked very much like his profile picture.  That was a relief.  I'd met a few guys who looked NOTHING like their profile pictures.  Seriously, NOTHING like their picture.

When he came in, I hugged him.  I was very much into hugging back then.  I still like them a lot, but rarely initiate much any more.  I have loads of sort of sensory issues, so hugging can sometimes be a bit painful in a way that's difficult to describe to anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about by just the way I've already described it.

I told the waitress who seated us to seat us in the smoking section.  I knew Jessie was a smoker and he'd told me how shy he was, so I wanted to make sure he'd be comfy.  He definitely was, as I never felt any indication that he was shy at all.  (I've definitely seen manifestations of that since then!)

As soon as he sat down, I gave him a gift.  He'd turned 21 while underway, so I gave him a birthday present when we first met.  It was Chicken Soup for the Writer's Soul.  I thought we had that in common (he said he liked to write).  I'd already read the book and loved it.  I made a cover for it, decorated with my lettering and some of my poems.  I also wrote in the book (some of my poems, too).  How silly a girl I was... and SO trusting!

He was very touched by the book.  I think I even saw some wetness gather in his eyes.  He told me no one had given him a gift and he couldn't remember if anyone wished him a happy birthday, either.

Yes, I was a thoughtful person.  Still am.

We talked for hours.  I talked a lot, it's true, but he talked a lot, too.

The only reason our date ended was because I decided I must get home so that I could wake up and go for my run.  I was running somewhere around 6 miles each day when I met Jessie.  I was pretty healthy and fit at that time in my life.  The smallest size 10 I've ever been.

I wish I'd continued to care for myself first... to take care of my body temple instead of waiting for him all the time.  Now, I'm a tight size 20 and XLG in my clothes and weigh a good bit more than 200 pounds (and I've shed some excess recently).  If you read my Super Sunday Slimdown, you can find out the exact numbers if you're really curious.

If we did anything before leaving, I think we may have hugged.  No kiss.  Just another hug.  That was very nice.  Definitely soothed my concern over the wrong answer he gave in the multiple choice section!

Saturday Soliloquy #26: How I Met My Husband: The Online Story

Before I went to Japan, I tried out matchmaker.com and thought it was pretty fun.  I met a few guys that were nice and went on a few dates.  So, when I returned to the US it was only natural that I would use the same service.  I was hoping to find a fella with whom I could hang out and kiss.  Man, what a silly girl I was.  Still, that truly was my 'goal' for online dating.  I didn't understand then what I understand now about the spirit connections formed in any sort of sexual interaction.  Kissing, whether folks want to admit it or not, is most definitely a sexual interaction.

I'll share more about that later.  If you'd like to read what I have learned about that subject, make sure to let me know.  Requesting more on that topic will sure speed my sharing on it.  This post is meant to be about how I met Jessie.

I was stood up twice after I came back to the US.  Jessie was going to be my last try at hanging out before I went to Australia.  I'd decided that maybe my Host Family (in Japan) was right.  Maybe I was Christmas Cake and no guy (no one) would want me.  Man, you should see what I looked like back then.  For me to believe such a thing is absolutely ridiculous... but I did!  Which, really reveals SO much about how much I thought of myself.

Jessie found me through matchmaker.com and wrote to me.  I had established a few rules for myself.  At the time that I used matchmaker.com, they had a few different areas for each profile.  There was the multiple choice, short answer, and long answer.  I filled mine out absolutely truthfully.  Although I knew it was unlikely that most told the truth as I did, I attempted to treat them as if they did.

One of the rules I'd established for myself was that if a fella answered one particular question wrong, I wouldn't write to him.  The question was: "What are you looking for?"  The choices (since it was in the multiple choice section) included things like: "long-term relationship, just for fun, one night stand."  I hope you can determine which answer was unacceptable to me.

Well, Jessie had answered with the wrong answer.  He had answered that PARTICULAR question with the wrong answer.

The funny thing... with every other guy I'd met through matchmaker.com, they always asked to meet me really fast.  Not Jessie.  In fact, I asked to meet HIM!  You know what he said?  He told me he had to do laundry because they were going out to sea for two weeks!  (Sounds a bit like when a girl says she has to wash her hair, so she can't go out.)

I told him I'd write to him in email while he was gone.  He didn't believe me.

But I did.

The night he returned, I was out with another guy.

Yes, I was that cute!  heeheehee

Anyway... I went out with that other guy just because I was bored, honestly.  I wanted to go out, he offered, and so I went.  Unfortunately, I didn't REALLY understand how much he liked me.  And I didn't deal with him very well... I wasn't blunt and direct (as I usually am).  In fact, I was a coward in the way I dealt with him after that night.  He brought a friend to meet me because he liked me THAT much.  That, of course, scared me off because I truly was looking for just a fun friend to hang out with and maybe kiss sometimes.

When I returned from hanging out with that guy and his friend, I found that Jessie had called and was so annoyed with myself.  To give me credit, though, their ship had pulled in early.  Jessie wasn't due back until the following day.

I attempted to call him back.  No answer.  They were using the internet and those were the days when a phone line was almost always tied up to use the internet!  Can you imagine that?  I tried repeatedly to call him back.

Somehow we finally connected and made a plan to meet at the Denny's I'd worked at on Newtown Road.

Saturday Soliloquy #20

From Melbourne I went to Adelaide.  This was my favorite part of the trip and my favorite "just stopping in" city (after Sydney).  I honestly cannot remember anything that I saw or anywhere that I went.  But it was wonderful because there were two sweet girls that welcomed me into their little group.  I remember one was named Caroline, but I cannot remember the name of the other.  I just remember having WAY more fun in Adelaide than any of the other stops on my trip to circumnavigate Oz!  I wish I could write to them and thank them for their kindness.  I'm still SO very grateful!!

Saturday Soliloquy #19

After Canberra, I went by bus to Melbourne.  No, it is not said: "Mel-born."  It is said, "Melbun."  It can have a SLIGHT R sound right before the N, depending on the person speaking.

Honestly, I don't remember anything about Melbourne.  I do remember wishing I had a friend (or my guy) with me to enjoy the place and all there was to do and see.  I'm sure I walked around a lot.

I'm sure I enjoyed the sights, but for me... things aren't as important as people.  So, although I'm glad I went, not much stands out in m place.

Looking through pictures online, I found one that is very familiar.  So, I'm sharing it here.



Saturday Soliloquy #18

Last week was a bit about Sydney and my time there.

When I left Sydney, I went (by bus) to Canberra, which is the capital of Oz.  My hostel was pretty near the center of things, which is a huge blessing.

To say Canberra properly, you say: "Can-bura."

I walked to various places to see the sights.  I went into many of the "important" buildings.  I also visited a war memorial.  I'd never been to any in the U.S. so it was a very touching experience for me.  I think visiting such a place (especially for the first time) is amazingly powerful and really puts things into perspective... at least for a little while.  It was a memorial with lots of names... and looked kinda like a tomb.  It was heavy on my heart for a long time afterward.

It's beautiful, isn't it?  Even though the photos do it justice... they don't.  It's so difficult to describe.  But there is NO way that a photo can replace BEING there.

This fact, is one of the reasons I have some of the dreams/plans I have.  I truly believe it's better to BE there and EXPERIENCE stuff than to simply accept the vicarious experience of a TV program or a photo.

Anyway... back to my time in Oz.

I'm not sure if I had really been to D.C. before my trip to Oz.  There was a different feeling about that city than others.  It was like it was lacking.  I didn't know how to describe the lack back then.  But now... since I've been to D.C. as well as Canberra... I think I would describe it as a lack of goodness in/of Spirit.  Not to say that all the folks who work and live in those cities are bad.  I certianly do NOT believe that at all.  It's just an overall feeling.

And the buildings... while they are impressive, they felt empty and lacking.  Now makes me think of "the great and spacious building" in Lehi's vision and Nephi's dream.

Saturday Soliloquy #17

This post continues the story from last week.

Sydney is a very big city with lots to look at and experience.  I'm sure there's even more if you have more money than I did!  Still it was cool to walk up and down the streets.  I'm glad I'd already had my circle drawing experience in Japan.  One really big difference between Sydney and other big cities I'd seen in the U.S. is that it was way older looking, but very clean.  By older looking, I mean that the style of the overall architecture is so much older.

Additionally, it seemed like the city design is more geared to community.  There was an area of shops and such that could only be accessed by foot.  You had to park pretty far away to get to it, from what I could tell.  Of course, I didn't have a car or use one, so I may have missed something.

I met one young lady with whom I am still in contact with.  Katrin Henn.  She was a bright spot in my loneliness in Sydney.  We ate together and talked.  It was so nice to spend some time with her!

In walking, I enjoyed finding LOTS of sushi places.  Some were actual restaurants.  Others were more like a sort of closet off of the strip into which you could walk and have service at a bar (or order from the front a premade plastic container of something or another).

There was a huge flea market area.  I could've spent most of my few days in Sydney in that place!  SO many vendors!  It was pretty cool.

I really enjoyed my time in Sydney.  It was a good first experience of Australia.  Just a bit lonely.

Saturday Soliloquy #16



It's been a while since I was able to work on this series.  I hope to have it here for a while now.  :)

Now on to Australia.  Those are stories my eldest daughter asks for second only to Japan.  Japan is basically done, so... here we are.

My plane took off for Australia about a year after I left for Japan.  I met my future husband about a month after I got back to the states from Australia (January 2011).  He departed for a 6 month deployment a couple months before I left for Australia (in May 2011).    I departed at the end of July.

Before I left for Oz, I planned out my whole trip from flight to arrival in Perth (the city of my school: Edith Cowan).  I purchased a pass for bus travel anywhere on the continent (only caveat: you can not go back once you've gone in one direction unless going back the way you've come is the only option).

I flew into Sydney.  I was blessed by some of my luggage being lost on the trip.  I didn't feel totally blessed until I was out and walking in the city... then I realized what a hassle it would've been to have ALL of my stuff with me.  As it was, my hiking packs barely fit into the locker I paid for until I could check into my room.

I stayed at a Hostel very near the center of town.  Yes, hostel.  Not hotel.  The main difference is that a hostel is more for community than a hotel.  Sometimes, you share rooms with others.  Usually, you have to pick up your linens when you check in, make your own bed.  The don't usually provide towels or any other toiletries (though some do have toilet paper).  The kitchens are communal with lockers in which you can keep your own food.  Anything you keep in the fridge, you must label or it's up for grabs.  There is a whole room intended for hangout out and getting to know others.  Often, a TV is in that room.  Maybe wifi.  It was very cool.

Stay Tuned for more next week!  :)