Some of What I've Been Thinking Lately (THE MANDLEBROT SET)

Namaste

I've had a lot on my mind lately.  I desire to share all of it, but will not.  I'm a slow learner when it comes to trust.  But I think I am finally beginning to understand some of the lessons I have been stuck in for these many years since I've been truly Converted to the Restored Gospel of Christ (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints).  I'm sure there are others who must learn the lesson of trusting more... but mine has been to trust much more sparingly.

You see, "...the natural (wo)man is an enemy to God and has been since the fall of Adam..." (Mosiah 3:19).  (I added the "wo," of course, to the man in the part of the verse I quoted.)  My nature is to share everything REALLY openly and talk about whatever is being talked about REALLY freely.  Some would say this is good, but you just don't know me if you say that... especially the me I used to be, which was WAY more OPEN than I have been for the last couple years.  But even so, there is yet closing I need to do, which I find quite amazing, challenging and even difficult.

The train of thought on which I have done a great deal of pondering lately, which I desire to share now, is about thought.  I'm pretty sure I've shared this video before.  Make sure you skip to 2:20:38 and watch through 2:27:10.  Only about 7 minutes to watch so that you may have your mind blown.... if you haven't seen it or heard of The Mandlebrot Set, that is.

This brings me to, more specifically, the central focus of my own personal lesson on thoughts that has been emphasized by the Holy Spirit really recently.  The following picture is a representation of Father God's lesson to me.  This lesson is taught innumerable times throughout the Bible, The Book of Mormon, General Conference talks, and etc.  This lesson is very important and I have not fully learned it because I have not successfully lived the lesson during the most difficult of times.  I sure am striving, though.  Fallin' flat on my face and getting up to try to make some forward progress.

2 Nephi 2:11 "For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things."

And here are a couple links to Conference Talks that mention and/or focus on this idea of feeding or starving certain trains of thought:

We Are Doing a Great Work and Cannot Come Down by President Deiter F. Uchtdorf

Preparation Brings Blessings by President Thomas S. Monson

Of myself, I would like to be so much more specific and tell you a few stories to illustrate the lesson in my life!  I feel specifically Led, however, that this lil' post is complete.  How difficult for me to end here.  Well, I hope you are lifted and feel encouraged and able to focus on feeding thoughts of Light, Good, and (most importantly) what God would for you!

Oh, and here's a blog post that struck a tremendous chord in me... her thoughts on thoughts are just what I needed the day I read 'em!  ^_^

Sat Nam.

Testimony

I didn't get to go to church today because of illness among us.  So, instead of going up in front of my Ward Family, I'm going to bear/share my testimony here.  :)

I know God lives and loves me, and you, and everyone... and loves us all the same... for being just who we are.  I know that Heavenly Father is truly the Father of my Spirit, and your Spirit, and everyone here on earth who has a Spirit.  I know that He loves us simiarly to, just WAY more than, the way I love my children. 

When I was pregnant with Ria I didn't "feel" love for her... not really.  I was excited, nervous, even scared.  But I didn't FEEL love for her.  I didn't even know she was a she until she was born (we're funny like that... no checking on gender in utero, thank you! ^_^).  But as soon as she was born I knew I was in love forever!  You see, I was absolutely sure that I would be horribly dissappointed if I had a girl instead of the boy I thought I wanted; I would cry.  Well, I didn't cry a single tear after Ria was born.  Not a tear of disappointment, not a tear of joy... not a single tear.  But I did feel this amazing and full-to-the-top-and-bustin-over feeling of elation.  I found that the little person I'd been growing was a girl and I was full and overflowing with JOY!  Pure, unadulterated JOY and LOVE.  I knew that she was perfect and that I couldn't have loved a boy more than I loved who I had.  And that, my friends, is only a fraction of the way God loves us!  How AMAZING!!!  If you haven't had a child, I cannot convey to you how amazing and wonderful this is.  If you have... well, you know it!  :)  What a gift to be loved Perfectly MORE than THAT by our Father in Heaven, right!!?

And no matter what my Ria does... sure I get frustrated and feel disappointed and even angry at times (I'm imperfect!)... but no matter what she does (or Kat, or Tea, or Jimmy, or anyone else who may join our family)... no matter WHAT, I'm always going to love her/them!  How could I stop?  I love them just because!  I mean, as soon as they came forth out of my body I was in love!  And this amazing feeling has helped me understand the truth of the phrase in the Bible that says, "and we love him because he first loved us (though this is probably not a perfect quotation)."  My children love me because I first love them... so similar to God's Love for us... yet SO much less.  It's awesome, though, isn't it!??

So, I know that Heavenly Father is the literal Father of our Spirits.  I know a tiny fraction of how He loves me.  I do not yet comprehend, though, the magnitude of His sacrifice in allowing Jesus Christ to fulfill His purpose in the Atonement.  I cannot imagine having to leave my child (ANY of them) when they are in the most gruelingly painful part of their life....  But God did that for us.  He allowed and enabled Christ to fulfill the Atonement so that we may be One.  So that we may return to His presence to live for eternity.  What an awesome and amazing gift!  I can think it, but I cannot understand!  God so love us....

I'm grateful for the Atonement.  I have committed some doozies... I am a horrible sinner.  But Heavenly Father is always there for me... for us.  No matter what we do.  He loves us and is willing and ready to allow the Atonement to clean us of our stain.  What a tremendous gift and blessing!  I'm so grateful.  I'm SO grateful to KNOW it!!!!

Heavenly Father has restored the fullness of the Gospel of Christ on the earth today.  The Apostacy foretold by the Apostles in the Bible occurred.  The fulness of Christ's Gospel (including Priesthood authority) was removed from the earth.  Joseph Smith was the instrument through whom God the Father and our Savior Jesus Christ restored the fullness of the Gospel of Christ to the earth.  We are blessed to live in a day when we have the Bible so easily accessible; so readily available.  AND we have the Book of Mormon to confirm the truths in it... we are not reliant upon man's interpretation (which could go in SO many directions) of the Bible alone.  The Book of Mormon adds another witness to the truths taught us and available to us in the Bible.  What a gift!  It is true!  It testifies of Jesus Christ, born in Bethlahem to Mary.  Joseph acted as his mortal father, but God was and is the Father of His Spirit AND body!  God has said by the mouth of two or three witnesses He will establish His truth.  So, it makes perfect sense to me that He would use the words from prophets originating in two totally seperate peoples (but of the same house, originating from the same people of the Covenant) to verify what He would have us know.  And what a gift and blessing it is to see how totally true it is that He is the same and speaks the same truths regardless of WHERE the people are to whom He speaks!

I'm grateful for the knowledge I have been blessed with about Christ's Gospel.  I'm grateful for the Grace Father God has given me which enables me to do all that I do which is right.  I'm grateful to know the truth about the duality and Oneness of God the Father and Jesus Christ... and to know that the Holy Ghost is a part, yet not, of the God head.  I'm so grateful for the witness of the Holy Spirit that I have felt about all these truths and continue to feel about other aspects of truth associated with the Gospel of Christ as taught in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints!  I'm so grateful for God's Love.  I'm so grateful for the Atonement our Savior made for me... for you... for us!  I'm SO grateful!

I share this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

A Cult Like Any Other

Some numerous persons I either KNOW or have heard of through experiences of those I know have heard that I (we LDS folks) are members of a Cult.  Well... to determine the truth or fallacy of such a supposition, one would have to first define CULT.

So, according to the Merriam-Webster Free Online Dictionary, I think I am.  WHAT???!!  Well, are you?  I mean, if you're a religious person... then, by this definition you are.  And I am.  And we are!  YEAY!!!

Moving right along.  (Yes, I am going to require you to do a little bit of "extra" reading if you want to understand what I'm saying and where I'm coming from.  I'm not doing the spoon-feeding.  IF you want to believe I'm just agreeing with your fallacious assumptions, so be it.  You'd probably find a way to twist what I have to say about my heart and mind to make it fit what you believe anyway.  While I'm sorry about that... for you... I can't really do anything to change YOU... I can only (and only want) to change me!)

Just as a note on the #4 from the above link, I'm thinking of orthodox being the majority of Christians....  We LDS do, indeed, have some beliefs that seperate us from the group because Joseph Smith, Jr. actually saw God the Father and our Savior Jesus Christ, he knows (and I know) that they are two individuals who are one in purpose.  This differs from "orthodox" Christianity because the majority adhere to the definition of God agreed on in the Nicene Creed.  About that Creed... I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father has give us the tremendous gift of Agency... but just because a bunch of us punny humans get together and agree on something... regardless of how inspired it is, if it's not God, it's not.  Seeing God with our Savior... that is something irrefutable.

Next, I've found a definition on Dictionary(.)com, which site I like and turn to often for definitions.  I'll address each one here (they are almost the same as those found in the previous... so I'm doing it once now).  #1: Yes.  We have that, do that.  #2: Yes, if you realize that Jesus Christ is that person/idea (if you don't think He's a person as I do).  #3: Christ is the object.  The one born in Bethlehem, of course.  #4: Um... yep.  Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.  #5: Yes, we do this too.  The Catholics do.  The Baptists do.  The Lutherans do.  The Seventh Day Adventists do.  The Muslims do.  The Jews do.  Do you get my point?

Moving right along.

I like this NEXT one.  Perjoratively... LOVE that word!  Sounds so... funky and cool.  ^_^  Anyone can use the word "cult" to mock us LDS, or demean, or attempt to mislead others about our beliefs, but such use doesn't change  the object/person of our devotion.  The members (like me) of The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints worship Jesus Christ, son of Mary and God (Joseph being his eathly father, but God being the Father of Christ's body).  We live to submit to His Will, the Will of the Father and the Son.  We live to return to their presence to live for eternity... This is our hope.

Yes, we "Mormons" are a minority in any given society (unless you narrow it down to localities and then "we" may be the majority in various parts of the West).

As far as the kind of 'cult' characterized (or opposed in anti-cult movements) by "brainwashing" and mind control or other agency removing efforts; we of the LDS Church and Faith are not a part of that group.  We know that angency in all its forms (the ways people choose to do good OR ill) are given of God and we would not remove it from anyone!

My Mom once said, many years ago, something like, "Oh, someone might think Jessie was brainwashed!"  I was too shocked to respond (which was usual for me at the time).  She paused for a moment, thought, and then said, "Well, I suppose that's not such a bad thing if his brain needed some cleaning!"  We do not attempt to exert control over anyone... though we DO encourage ALL to get to know God and then submit to His Will, which should anyone strive to do with their whole heart, might, mind, strength, and soul... such would result in those people who so strive to do similarly... to become ever more and more alike.  And this is the point.  To become one with Christ, even as He is one with God.  To be in Him as He is in our Father and the Father in Him; so then to be in God and God in us.  But this is all documented much more poetically in the Bible (and Book of Mormon), should anyone desire to read it and understand with spiritual eyes and ears.

Next and final... okay, so reading this page is good.  I'll direct you to where I begin to share about my religion based on this article's statements about "cults."  If you will scroll down to the fourth paragraph under the first bold title area of the article (within the article): Looking at the bold area of this paragraph I have to respond: ummm... this is all Christian denominations to one degree or another.  I mean, especially those denominations named the name of the man who originated the principles of the subgroup!

I like and prefer that next the Bible is invoked.  I definitely believe the part about defining Jesus differently than the Bible does.  Thankfully, you'll NOT find this problem with me and my religion since we believe the Bible to be the word of God so long as it is translated correctly (I read the KJV of the Bible).

Thankfully those of us of the LDS Faith do NOT do the second: proclaim salvation by workds.  We know, just as all Christians, that the good we do is by the Grace of God and that He, by Grace, overcomes the lack between that which we can do (carried in an by His Grace) over the chasm between what we can do in Him and what is required to live in His presence.  Praise the Lord for Grace and the Atonement!!!

Finally (of the three points) we of the LDS Faith believe in the Bible fully and strive to live the principles and precepts laid our for us all within it.  Deep doctrine in my church always aims us back to Christ and His doctrines.  We experience the testament of truth by the Holy Spirit of God.  I know the Bible to be the Word of God in the same way I know the Book of Mormon to be the Word of God to a disparate group of people who were once of the Jews in Jerusalem.  The Holy Spirit that witnesses the truth of these things to my mind and heart (and in my body at times) is the same that will witness these same truths to all other groups of Christians.  "By their works, ye shall know them."  I'm not perfect.  The other Mormons I know are not perfect, but we are trying to do good and to live as Christ would have us live.  If we are being led by the deceiver to do and live in this way, then he is a house divided against itself as Jesus described when He (Jesus) was said to be doing things by the power of the deceiver.  All good comes of God.  Nothing good comes of the devil.  Not one bit.

It's funny to me that the next paragraph describes the problem of religious extremism.  God said, Himself, in the Bible that He wanted us to be either hot or cold.  He will spit us out otherwise.    I'll not be spit out.  So, if someone declares I'm in a cult because I am Zealous for Christ, so be it.

I've already spoken about Agency and will move along to what comes next in the article.  So, my Church is directly, yet indirectly named within the article as a cult... *sigh*  You'll have to decide for yourself, obviously!  ^_^  One thing about how you make a decision... hopefully you already know how the Holy Spirit communicates Truth to you.  If you don't, then this is more difficult.  But if you DO know, then all you have to do is read the Bible, read the Book of Mormon, ponder on the Truths found validated from one (the Bible) in the other (the Book of Mormon) and then pray about it.  If you find, as I have, that the Holy Spirit witnesses TRUTH to you, too, then keep learning.  The deeper you go, the more full the hole in your heart that Jesus made just for Him to fill WILL be filled!  I know this to be true.  I've lived it.  I'm living it.  I will live it.

Some GREAT talks by some of oure church's leadership about the Book of Mormon and other truths:

The Power of Scripture
The Book of Mormon - A Book from God this is why I believe the Book of Mormon is necessary now
Personal Revelation and Testimony
You Matter to Him
A Witness
Teachings of Jesus  is this a different Jesus than the one you know??
The Priviledge of Prayer

If you liked these and would like to watch more of the General Conference from which I took these, click HERE.  ^_^   I'd love to know what you think after you watch the first two, especially.  :)

I Believe In Christ

Jessie's Accused and An Emotional Rollercoaster

I forgot to mention the thing that happened with Jess yesterday. He hitched a ride with a couple who live a few blocks away to go clean the church yesterday morning. On the way the three of them talked a bit. It came out, in process of conversation, that Jess wasn't a member of the church. They were both surprised and they discussed that a little bit. Jess even shared with them the "Closer" experiences he's had with a few missionaries. The funniest bit of all of it, for me, was Jessie's description of it. When he first started telling me he had the strangest smile on his face. The kind he usually has when he's going to tell me something I'll think is hilarious. So, before he was even telling me about the conversation I was smiling. But it wasn't a hilarious story, to me. It just makes sense. I mean, like the couple said, Jess just does all the things Members DO! I think, in a way, he might think it's kinda cool that people think he's a member, but that it also amuses him. As he explained it to the couple, he attends church and does all that "stuff" because he wants to be a part of the way he and I have agreed to raise our children. What's not to be thankful in that, right!? So... yesterday Jessie was "accused" of being a member. I chose that word to describe it because it seemed to fit the sort of humor he found in the "accusation." ^_^ I think it's wonderful, for the most part, that people think he is a member!

My Ride on the Rollercoaster
Last night I started having some FIERCE cramping and back pain. It all started on my walk and only the Braxton Hicks subsided after we got home and I was able to sit a bit. The light menstrual cramp-type feeling (that always proceeds active labor for me) became more intense... to the point that I had to quit ChaChaING for the night to lie down, drink lots of water, and hope they went away.

They didn't.

The cramping and pain subsided enough for me to get sleep for most of the night, but it wasn't completely restful and I was trying to drink a bunch to stay hydrated (cause the more water in the system the less cramping a system will experience), so I was, of course, up a lot to use the potty.

Last night Jess TOLD ME that I would be staying home from church in the morning. If you know me, then you know I'm not one to take "being told" very well. I had a plan all figured out for how I was going to get him to let me go to church in the morning because I was certain the cramps would be gone.

They weren't.

I didn't even mention my plan for going to church because my back hurt so bad (like back labor!) that I was anxious to lie down and take it easy and drink lots of water!

Jess left with the girls for church on time (8:30am) so that he could deliver my Primary folders. I tried to lie down and rest. I didn't get to rest at all, really, because I was up every 10 minutes or so to use the potty and it wasn't to get rid of water! I started to feel a little worried after the 4th or 5th trip in such a short period of time (about an hour). This is the sort of thing my body does when in labor! I was so scared. I actually started to think about calling my midwife. If you know me well, which few people know me THIS well, you will know that I do NOT call my midwife for much of anything! I might write her an email, but I RARELY call! Poor Karen has received, now, 2 calls within 2 weeks from me and BOTH on Sundays!!! :p How annoying!

Well, I started to feel jittery a short time later and decided that I did, indeed, need to call my midwife. We spoke briefly and she said she's be over to check me. I felt a bit of relief when we hung up and called Jess to let him know what I was doing. It was right around 9:30am (right in the middle of Sacrament Meeting!). I also asked him to be prepared, should I call again, to speak to Joey and Tim about coming to give me a blessing before he left. I didn't think I would actually call him again.

I was wrong.

At 9:51am I threw up a TON! I was actually violently ill when I was preggie with Kathryn, but as I recall I was not as far along in the pregnancy with her as I am with this one. Also, the illness I experienced way back then did not have all the same signs as the beginning of labor. When I was sick with Kat I was SICK! I had a fever, diarrhea, the works!

As you can probably imagine, I called Jess right away. I was super scared by that point and needed my rock and better half to be right here next to me. He came home REALLY fast. I know HE knows how really unusual it is for me to barf... unless I'm in labor and then it just sort of happens. He was totally solid for me. He kept telling me that he knew it was going to be all right. He doesn't always say that, so when he says it I believe it.

He did speak to Joey before he left church. Shortly after Jess got home, Joey and Tim arrived. They gave me a blessing for wellness and comfort. I did feel comforted and before they left my belly had stopped cramping so much. My back remained (and remains) achy, but I haven't thrown up again. I thought I was going to lose it (anything in my tummy) again right before they pulled up.

Karen arrived a little bit after Joey and Tim departed. She checked me and everything is GOOD... except that the baby is breech. *ah well* Can't win 'em all, right? ^_^ I'm actually not worried about the breech bit at all because this baby rolls and turns SO much more than either of my girls did. I've felt hiccups (usually) in the lower right of my belly, but also in the upper right and left! So, I know this isn't a stationary babe. And it's probably a bit flustered by all the crazy stuff going on around it... cause I KNOW baby felt some of those cramps!

So, whether I was getting ill with some sort of barf bug, or going into labor, the crisis was averted by two faithful Brethren and some Faith! I'm so grateful! Seriously... it was NO walk in the park to barf every hour when preggie (with Kathryn) and I seriously do NOT want to walk that road again! So today will be even more "lazily" than normal a day of REST for Tori! I'm so not wanting to push the whole "what if" button!!!

That's my drama for now. Hope your Sabbath day is more peaceful!