Eating well (and by well I mean: HEALTHY) in this day and age is rough. The mainstream food supply is poisoned and becoming more completely unreliabe. The only kind of produce one should trust, as supplied through the chain grocery stores, is Organic. And even that label is becoming increasingly unreliable. Did you know that apple and pear orchards are allowed to spray their trees with antibiotics as preventative maintenance? It's true. Don't believe me. Check it out for yourself! Do your own research!
Did you know that lots of produce, without any indication, is being irradiated? Some suggest that all leafy greens are irradiated. So what? Do you KNOW why that's a problem? No... well, you should! I'm not going to spoon-feed you this information right now. It's for another day... if you express a desire that i should share it here. Let me know.
The point of sharing all of the above here is to share with you a way for you to provide yourself and your family with nutritious (potentially even more so than those organic items that ARE trustworthy).
You do, of course, know about growing it yourself. That will save you money if you can collect from your efforts. However, if you don't have time for weeding, watering, fertilizing... well, then, you may not have much to collect from the efforts you ARE able to put forth. With a Tower Garden, though, you may be able to collect significantly more with a lot less time invested. How? Well, since Tower Gardens are aeroponic, there is no watering and no weeding! There are some maintenance jobs, but even those amount to far less time invested than watering and weeding by hand.
The thing that finally convinced me was learning about the irradiation of leafy greens, as a general thing. Also, the fact that, even with the add-ons i decided to include, my monthly payment is less than $65 for a constant supply of food for my family. A basic Tower with no add-ons can be as little as $43 per month for 11 months (the first month includes shipping, so you pay a total of 12 payments). I pay the monthly payment out of one week of our food budget. So, short-term sacrifice for long-term gain! Yes, there is an output and it's not EASY to manage it for us (and probably not most people), but it's totally worth the results.
We harvested our first family salad last week... and then another a few days later. I won't be able to harvest for another few days, at least, but we sure did enjoy those two FAMILY salads (that's enough lettuce and kale for 6 people twice within seven days). My son ate ALL of his salad BOTH times without a single complaint. Prior to this, as a rule, he would lick the salad dressing off the leaves and not eat the greens. THAT alone makes the Tower pretty wonderful to me! My Chef husband commented repeatedly the first time, "Are you sure there's kale in here?" He couldn't believe it because it was so very mild.
These results are well worth the short-term sacrifice! I'm so thankful to be feeding my family greens i can trust (from my Tower).
Another awesometing about Towers is that the Tower Tonic (nutrients for the plants) may be even better than organic fertilizers since "organic" legally means that Organic Certified growers must use fertilizers that are from previously living things. The Tower Tonic contains minerals and more that are gathered directly from the earth. Isn't that how plants are made to get them?
We are very pleased with our Tower and hope to buy some more eventually. That way we'd be able to eat from it daily! How exciting and wonderful that will be. :)
http://gollihugh.towergarden.com/
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Monday, August 19, 2013
Meditation Monday #37
I have a few friends who have joined me for a 40 Meditation Challenge. I haven't heard from many of them about their experience(s). I have had some great experiences so far and wanted to share a little bit about them. Before I do, I feel a desire to share something specific about my beliefs: I believe that ALL good originates in God and Jesus Christ. I believe that Meditation (all types, perhaps especially Kundalini Yoga) is a tool the Father has provided to help us change our brains (and thus our manifestations and lives) more quickly than we would be able to do without this tool. In this moment, it occurs to me that it's a tool like unto a screw driver. If you have the right one, you'll be able to uncrew the screw. If you don't... it'll take significantly longer... or may be almost impossible until you use the correct tool. If the screw is loose already (very few brain changes are necessary), then any old effort will eventually loosen it the rest of the way... but a screwdriver will do so much more quickly. I know this comparison is accurate based on my own personal experience. OH... and if you use a powered screw driver incorrectly, you can end up with upsetting results, too. So, for instance, if you use a form a meditation you're not quite comfy with, you may experience changes faster than you're quite ready for and experience upsetting feelings as a result. (Also from my own experience!) :)
So, today is the 3 day of the 4th week of the Official Meditation Challenge. I started 1 day early on my own challenge: to add in a PROSPERITY meditation to my regular Kirtan Kriya with tune-in and tune-out. It has been good. So far I've been able to do it every day. I'm grateful for that!
What i've noticed: It seems that the Lord is pouring down blessings upon me and mine. We have been blessed with warm linens, LOTS of clothes for the children and shoes (specifically TWO pairs of boots for Jmy that he'll be able to move into before too long; one being cowboy style while the other is more of a work/hiking boot style). The new experience(s) include money more directly. I think i've long had an aversion to having actual money... and/or being prosperous. I'm not entirely sure why, but i am striving to understand and surely will before too long. What are these new experiences? Do you wonder?
My husband called about a job that he has previously done in the past. He was told that they didn't need any more hands. After a few minutes, he got a call back and was offered a job for the evening (the one he'd asked for). That resulted in cash in hand at the end of the night! What a blessing!!!
Well, another experience is that someone made an offer of money, as an investment, when we're able to get more bees! Someone thinks so highly of Jessie's beekeeping that they want to invest! How great is THAT!!?
The other was the offer of my upline in one of my businesses to work with me in shows and make sure i get the majority and/or all of the sales so that i can re-coop my investment. How awesome is that? She totally does not have to make such an offer! And if she follows through, that will be one heck of a blessing to me and my family!
So, those last two are not cash in hand, but they are finance related and will result in cash in hand in the future! Even just the offer is new as such has been RARE (not this many in one week) in the past. My reaction to them has been HUGELY different! So... i feel like my meditation efforts are bringing some terrific results: changing my brain and communicating receptivity to heaven. Praise the Lord for His Faithfulness!!! ^_^
So, today is the 3 day of the 4th week of the Official Meditation Challenge. I started 1 day early on my own challenge: to add in a PROSPERITY meditation to my regular Kirtan Kriya with tune-in and tune-out. It has been good. So far I've been able to do it every day. I'm grateful for that!
What i've noticed: It seems that the Lord is pouring down blessings upon me and mine. We have been blessed with warm linens, LOTS of clothes for the children and shoes (specifically TWO pairs of boots for Jmy that he'll be able to move into before too long; one being cowboy style while the other is more of a work/hiking boot style). The new experience(s) include money more directly. I think i've long had an aversion to having actual money... and/or being prosperous. I'm not entirely sure why, but i am striving to understand and surely will before too long. What are these new experiences? Do you wonder?
My husband called about a job that he has previously done in the past. He was told that they didn't need any more hands. After a few minutes, he got a call back and was offered a job for the evening (the one he'd asked for). That resulted in cash in hand at the end of the night! What a blessing!!!
Well, another experience is that someone made an offer of money, as an investment, when we're able to get more bees! Someone thinks so highly of Jessie's beekeeping that they want to invest! How great is THAT!!?
The other was the offer of my upline in one of my businesses to work with me in shows and make sure i get the majority and/or all of the sales so that i can re-coop my investment. How awesome is that? She totally does not have to make such an offer! And if she follows through, that will be one heck of a blessing to me and my family!
So, those last two are not cash in hand, but they are finance related and will result in cash in hand in the future! Even just the offer is new as such has been RARE (not this many in one week) in the past. My reaction to them has been HUGELY different! So... i feel like my meditation efforts are bringing some terrific results: changing my brain and communicating receptivity to heaven. Praise the Lord for His Faithfulness!!! ^_^
Monday, August 5, 2013
Meditation Monday #36
I'm no longer counting the days. I've completely lost track! I wasn't able to be as steady after baby girl was born. I missed the day of labor, the day she was born, and a couple more days. Then i got back to it (short ones), but then i had mastitis and was out of my practice for almost a week. That was rough. But i got back to it and have been daily again since then (around 3 weeks postpartum). i'm very pleased with my efforts and accomplishments in that regard. i'm sure there are lots of meditating women who do better and i'm good with that, too. i know that for me, i did my best... and that's all i can do! ^_^
i've felt even better since i was able to get back to walking. That IS basically an hour of meditation in the form of prayer and/or listening to uplifting talks and whatnot. i'm so grateful for the ways i feel the Lord working in me and changing me. Very often, i feel like i can see His Hand in my daily life and it's such a blessing and comfort!
If you haven't started, i REALLY encourage you to do it. Meditate, my friend. Kirtan Kriya. If you want a link, i'm happy to find you one. But you could also search my blog and find lots!
Be WELL!!!
i've felt even better since i was able to get back to walking. That IS basically an hour of meditation in the form of prayer and/or listening to uplifting talks and whatnot. i'm so grateful for the ways i feel the Lord working in me and changing me. Very often, i feel like i can see His Hand in my daily life and it's such a blessing and comfort!
If you haven't started, i REALLY encourage you to do it. Meditate, my friend. Kirtan Kriya. If you want a link, i'm happy to find you one. But you could also search my blog and find lots!
Be WELL!!!
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Super Sunday #9
So, Baby was born on June 10. June 23 I was down with mastitis. The actual infection in the duct lasted only about 2.5 days, but my body was rough for most of the week. I did try walking that Saturday and it didn't go so well. I walked a very short distance and it took me about 45 minutes and i was ridiculously tired. I figured i just needed to buck up, so i also walked on July 1st and 2nd. The bleeding got worse, though, so i stopped.
Bleeding stopped by the end of the week of July 8th and stayed done, so i started walking Monday, July 15. It felt SO different... MUCH better this time! I walked my regular hour walk and it only took about 70 minutes. I've walked each day and my time has improved with each walk. YEAY!
As of July 29th, i was able to walk my regular route in 50 minutes. I didn't do that preggie, but did it wearing baby girl! ^_^ SO excited!
Also, my weight is down 32 pounds overall since before i was preggie. i'm happy about that. My goal is not only shedding weight, but that is certainly going to be a side benefit to becoming a more balanced, fit and healthy person! YEAY!!!
Praise the Lord! All these changes occurring in me are only possible in and through Christ, Jesus and i TOTALLY know it!!!! ^_^
Bleeding stopped by the end of the week of July 8th and stayed done, so i started walking Monday, July 15. It felt SO different... MUCH better this time! I walked my regular hour walk and it only took about 70 minutes. I've walked each day and my time has improved with each walk. YEAY!
As of July 29th, i was able to walk my regular route in 50 minutes. I didn't do that preggie, but did it wearing baby girl! ^_^ SO excited!
Also, my weight is down 32 pounds overall since before i was preggie. i'm happy about that. My goal is not only shedding weight, but that is certainly going to be a side benefit to becoming a more balanced, fit and healthy person! YEAY!!!
Praise the Lord! All these changes occurring in me are only possible in and through Christ, Jesus and i TOTALLY know it!!!! ^_^
Thursday, August 1, 2013
For My Girlfriends Who are Joining Me in a 40 Day Meditation Jouney
ADDED on AUGUEST 19, 2013: New Entry for THIS Challenge
Welcome, welcome. I'm so glad you are joining me! Meditation is awesome and wonderful and can help you change your brain (to change your life) even faster than what you've been doing. If your experience is anything like mine, in a year from now you will be amazed at the shifts, changes, and improvements in your thought processing and, generally, your whole perception of life and ability to gracefully handle what comes into it!
If you're joining a little later than our start date (Saturday, August 3, 2013), just make sure to figure up 40 days from your start and finish out then. If you love it as i have, you'll just keep right on going after the 40 days are finished anyway! :)
Because I have experienced such wonderful incremental results using Kundalini Yoga, I will reference Kundalini Yoga as the "go-to" form of meditation when I make suggestions. However, you are certinaly free to meditate in any form you prefer, always! I've done guided imagery in the past and it was amazing. I don't prefer it because i had experiences i wasn't quite ready for as a result and prefer the way the changes occur using Kundalini Yoga.
Obviously, if you're a guy reading here, you are welcome to join in a 40 day Mediation Challenge/Journey, too. If you ARE a guy and want me to include you when talking to whomever is reading, let me know you are reading! Otherwise i'm taking it for granted that only chicks are here checking in. :)
You don't HAVE to, but i do recommend making sure you wear white and cover your head with some sort of scarf or something. I use a long, flat white diaper that i can tie at the nape of my neck. It's not pretty, but IS clean and it does what i need done.
First, always start with a TUNE IN. Daily, i complete, at least, a 7 minute Kirtan Kriya. But you can do up to 30 minutes of Kirtan Kriya (or longer if you have tons of time). Just make sure you TUNE OUT when you're finished.
If you have more time, you can do Kirtan Kriya and another, like PROSPERITY meditation... or RELEASING ANGER AND NEGATIVITY or any of the many other tools in the Kundalini Yoga toolbox, before you close with the TUNE OUT.
If you don't like Felice Austin (or how she teaches, or whatever), you can certainly use another mentor as your Kundalini Yoga teacher... or another mentor for another form of meditation, for that matter. :) I'm just sharing what i've found to be most helpful. I've got a whole PINTREST board that is, in large part, a link spot for a bunch of different tools that are Kundalini Yoga.
As I add more information to our Challenge/Journey, i'll link each new post here. I'll also make sure to put a link on our FB page (for the ladies I know about who are joining me in this Challenge).
Welcome, welcome. I'm so glad you are joining me! Meditation is awesome and wonderful and can help you change your brain (to change your life) even faster than what you've been doing. If your experience is anything like mine, in a year from now you will be amazed at the shifts, changes, and improvements in your thought processing and, generally, your whole perception of life and ability to gracefully handle what comes into it!
If you're joining a little later than our start date (Saturday, August 3, 2013), just make sure to figure up 40 days from your start and finish out then. If you love it as i have, you'll just keep right on going after the 40 days are finished anyway! :)
Because I have experienced such wonderful incremental results using Kundalini Yoga, I will reference Kundalini Yoga as the "go-to" form of meditation when I make suggestions. However, you are certinaly free to meditate in any form you prefer, always! I've done guided imagery in the past and it was amazing. I don't prefer it because i had experiences i wasn't quite ready for as a result and prefer the way the changes occur using Kundalini Yoga.
Obviously, if you're a guy reading here, you are welcome to join in a 40 day Mediation Challenge/Journey, too. If you ARE a guy and want me to include you when talking to whomever is reading, let me know you are reading! Otherwise i'm taking it for granted that only chicks are here checking in. :)
You don't HAVE to, but i do recommend making sure you wear white and cover your head with some sort of scarf or something. I use a long, flat white diaper that i can tie at the nape of my neck. It's not pretty, but IS clean and it does what i need done.
First, always start with a TUNE IN. Daily, i complete, at least, a 7 minute Kirtan Kriya. But you can do up to 30 minutes of Kirtan Kriya (or longer if you have tons of time). Just make sure you TUNE OUT when you're finished.
If you have more time, you can do Kirtan Kriya and another, like PROSPERITY meditation... or RELEASING ANGER AND NEGATIVITY or any of the many other tools in the Kundalini Yoga toolbox, before you close with the TUNE OUT.
If you don't like Felice Austin (or how she teaches, or whatever), you can certainly use another mentor as your Kundalini Yoga teacher... or another mentor for another form of meditation, for that matter. :) I'm just sharing what i've found to be most helpful. I've got a whole PINTREST board that is, in large part, a link spot for a bunch of different tools that are Kundalini Yoga.
As I add more information to our Challenge/Journey, i'll link each new post here. I'll also make sure to put a link on our FB page (for the ladies I know about who are joining me in this Challenge).
Monday, July 29, 2013
Gears Goin' but Not Much Happenin'
My life feels like the title a lot lately. It's not the truth of the situation, but it sure does feel like it more often than not. Such is the case when a new Mama has a new nursling. And no matter whether it's #1 baby or #8, Mama is new every time!
One thing i've re-realized anew is how much i must die to myself with each new arrival. It's AMAZING how much i get used to having an older "baby" who is really independent and then to have a newborn who is completely dependent... it's a HUGE change. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to learn the new ways i've become selfish and have to relinquish them and die to self all over again.
Jessie has taken the girls to a nearby Farm Swap a couple times. We have been able to sell some livestock, but not nearly as much as i'd like... so that's another way it feels like the gears are turning and nothing is transpiring. NO! It's not nothing. It's just not as much as i'd like.
I'm working to purge lots of things from our store of "stuff" and that is going very slowly indeed. It's nearly impossible to do while holding baby girl who is only seven weeks as of today... so i have to try to sneak away when she's sleeping and that doesn't last long at all. So, it's a tiny bit of work and a LOT of trying to work things out in my head so that i can work REALLY efficeintly when i get to do what i need to do!
I'm walking every morning except Sunday again. Today began my third week back to it. It's WONDERFUL to be back. I was really nervous because i started walked before i should've and went out 3 times and felt BLAH about it. I was worried that i wouldn't love it like i did when i was preggie. I've been SO glad to realize i only felt that blah way because i was still run down and my body was not ready for that kind of exertion. Praise the Lord for that!!!
I've begun working as a Distributor of Tower Gardens and Young Living Essential Oils. More people tend to be familiar with Young Living than Tower Gardens, which is really interesting to me. When I started learning about essential oils no one i knew really knew about them. Now it's become quite common for people to be at least a little familiar with the term: essential oils... even if they don't actively use them for themselves.
Tower Gardens are awesome! They are aeroponic and very modern looking! The footprint is a total of about 3 feet by 3 feet and it can be short or a bit tall (a bit more than 6 feet tall) depending on whether you get the basic or an addition. It's as good or better than organic food and can be as little as $45 a month for a year to pay for the Tower itself. My Tower is brand new with little seedlings, but i've been watching a member of my upline with her Towers for at least the last 2 years and she has harvested SO much better-than-organic produce off her Tower. I'm sure she has spent far less on food than i do relatively speaking. So, i hope to begin saving money on our food bill in the next month! I hope you'll check it out: http://gollihugh.towergarden.com/ IF you order from me on or before July 31, you will get a coupon code for FREE SEEDLINGS (that includes shipping)! You can order right through my website and i'll be in touch with you. Oh... if you'd like to Distribute, you'll need to contact me first so we can get you signed up, pay $50, then you buy the Tower from yourself ($49 Retail Commission), so that you'll end up paying only $1 to be able to Distribute Towers, too! How great is THAT!!?? It's what i did and i'm just tickled about it!!!
If you'd like to order Young Living oils from me, let me know in a comment and i'll get in touch with you to share my member number so you can either set up an account through which you can order any time or you can become a distributor and buy wholesale whenever you want!
One thing i've re-realized anew is how much i must die to myself with each new arrival. It's AMAZING how much i get used to having an older "baby" who is really independent and then to have a newborn who is completely dependent... it's a HUGE change. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to learn the new ways i've become selfish and have to relinquish them and die to self all over again.
Jessie has taken the girls to a nearby Farm Swap a couple times. We have been able to sell some livestock, but not nearly as much as i'd like... so that's another way it feels like the gears are turning and nothing is transpiring. NO! It's not nothing. It's just not as much as i'd like.
I'm working to purge lots of things from our store of "stuff" and that is going very slowly indeed. It's nearly impossible to do while holding baby girl who is only seven weeks as of today... so i have to try to sneak away when she's sleeping and that doesn't last long at all. So, it's a tiny bit of work and a LOT of trying to work things out in my head so that i can work REALLY efficeintly when i get to do what i need to do!
I'm walking every morning except Sunday again. Today began my third week back to it. It's WONDERFUL to be back. I was really nervous because i started walked before i should've and went out 3 times and felt BLAH about it. I was worried that i wouldn't love it like i did when i was preggie. I've been SO glad to realize i only felt that blah way because i was still run down and my body was not ready for that kind of exertion. Praise the Lord for that!!!
I've begun working as a Distributor of Tower Gardens and Young Living Essential Oils. More people tend to be familiar with Young Living than Tower Gardens, which is really interesting to me. When I started learning about essential oils no one i knew really knew about them. Now it's become quite common for people to be at least a little familiar with the term: essential oils... even if they don't actively use them for themselves.
Tower Gardens are awesome! They are aeroponic and very modern looking! The footprint is a total of about 3 feet by 3 feet and it can be short or a bit tall (a bit more than 6 feet tall) depending on whether you get the basic or an addition. It's as good or better than organic food and can be as little as $45 a month for a year to pay for the Tower itself. My Tower is brand new with little seedlings, but i've been watching a member of my upline with her Towers for at least the last 2 years and she has harvested SO much better-than-organic produce off her Tower. I'm sure she has spent far less on food than i do relatively speaking. So, i hope to begin saving money on our food bill in the next month! I hope you'll check it out: http://gollihugh.towergarden.com/ IF you order from me on or before July 31, you will get a coupon code for FREE SEEDLINGS (that includes shipping)! You can order right through my website and i'll be in touch with you. Oh... if you'd like to Distribute, you'll need to contact me first so we can get you signed up, pay $50, then you buy the Tower from yourself ($49 Retail Commission), so that you'll end up paying only $1 to be able to Distribute Towers, too! How great is THAT!!?? It's what i did and i'm just tickled about it!!!
If you'd like to order Young Living oils from me, let me know in a comment and i'll get in touch with you to share my member number so you can either set up an account through which you can order any time or you can become a distributor and buy wholesale whenever you want!
My Tower with FREE seedlings installed.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Our Birth
Every time a baby is born, a Mother is, too. And i mean EVERY time. So, our baby #5 came along ON her due date. First time for everything... many firsts this time, actually. So, see... even with #5 there have been many NEW things/experiences... ways i've been born into being a Mother to a new little human being.
Evelyn Margaret Joy Gollihugh
We're calling her EmJ (sounds like the letters M and J).
She was born on June 10, 2013 at 4:18am.
My smallest baby: 8 pounds 2 ounces. (I did ask for a smaller baby this time. God is GREAT!)
She was 20 inches long.
At her 72 hour visit she was 8 pounds. Not bad given how difficult a time she's had fully latching!
Labor started a little while before it STARTED. Through the night for three nights before it really kicked into gear. So, starting on Thursday, the 6th, i had light contractions... the kind that don't rise and fall... they just ARE. Not fun, but also possible to sleep through (for the most part). Saturday night the contractions became rise and fall and came once each hour. They were strong enough to wake me, but i fell back to sleep after each one. It worked out all right except that i was too tired to go to church first thing in the morning. I slept (except for the hourly contraction).
Baby wasn't moving all that much and since i hadn't had my scheduled weekly visit with my midwife, i was feeling a little anxious, so called and asked her to come check on the baby. She arrived around 330pm. I was 2 cm dilated and the baby was doing just fine. The 2cm wasn't exciting at all given that i've walked 3 for MONTHS before! But at least it was more than it had been a couple weeks earlier.
By around 830pm labor kicked into gear.
I already knew i was pretty much IN LABOR because i got totally stuck on finding two things: a picture of some pictures i wanted to paint and our camera. Both are still missing... unfortunately, i've pretty sure i threw away the picture while looking for it. :( (I'm pretty sure it was in something else i threw out. grrr) The camera... still just totally missing! Pretty sure i know who has caused it to go missing, but she's not spilling any useful information. another GRRRR!
I KNEW i was in labor when i started sobbing because i couldn't find the picture. I mean, all out CRYING hard. Yes, I realized then that i was in labor.
It was probably around 130am or so that i knew things were getting close to time... or, at least, i felt like they were. Jessie called my midwife around 2am. She arrived around 3am. She had enough time to set up. Her assistants arrived right around 4am.
Backup. Karen checked me soon after she arrived. When she told me i was 7cm dilated i almost freaked out. Interally, i TOTALLY freaked out. Why? 7 is good, right? Okay, well... yes, for the most part. Especially from a 2.
HOWEVER...
When Karen arrived for Jmy's birth... over 2 years ago... i was 7cm dilated. Jmy wasn't born for another FIFTEEN HOURS!
Do you understand my reason for feeling a bit upset? If not... well, i'm pretty sure you've never had a long labor before.
So, i felt like i was going to go NUTS in my head. I went to the bathroom and applied rose oil to my abdoment, clary sage to my inner ankles and then Jasmine to my abdomen... all within about 30 minutes. Probably not the best idea if i wanted to maintain any semblance of control over pain or manage anything... at that point, i was just sure i didn't want to be in labor for another 15 hours! The pain of contractions went from around a 6 to around a 9.9 in SHORT order. The contractions also increased in length and intensity... of course.
Around 4am my waters broke. Meconium. Can't find baby's heart tones.
"Time to get that baby out, Tori. Try lying down so we can try to get these tones. Okay, baby likes this. Stay this way."
That didn't last long as i was totally ready to push very quickly. Two pushes and our little girl entered the world... tearing me front and back.
My smallest baby yet. Biggest tear yet. Ironic? Yes. Frustrating, too. ahwell....
So... considering ACTIVE labor... i was probably 'only' in labor for around 8 hours. Pretty stinking awesome considering my "shortest" labor before EmJ was 21.5 hours! Took me 4 tries.
Oh... and the fact that labor started COMPLETELY on it's own this time is completely and utterly wonderful and fantastic to me! Yes, i augmented... but i did NOTHING to get things going or make sure they KEPT going. Praise the Lord for changing me so that i can now trust my body to do what it's meant to do!!
Evelyn Margaret Joy Gollihugh
We're calling her EmJ (sounds like the letters M and J).
She was born on June 10, 2013 at 4:18am.
My smallest baby: 8 pounds 2 ounces. (I did ask for a smaller baby this time. God is GREAT!)
She was 20 inches long.
At her 72 hour visit she was 8 pounds. Not bad given how difficult a time she's had fully latching!
Labor started a little while before it STARTED. Through the night for three nights before it really kicked into gear. So, starting on Thursday, the 6th, i had light contractions... the kind that don't rise and fall... they just ARE. Not fun, but also possible to sleep through (for the most part). Saturday night the contractions became rise and fall and came once each hour. They were strong enough to wake me, but i fell back to sleep after each one. It worked out all right except that i was too tired to go to church first thing in the morning. I slept (except for the hourly contraction).
Baby wasn't moving all that much and since i hadn't had my scheduled weekly visit with my midwife, i was feeling a little anxious, so called and asked her to come check on the baby. She arrived around 330pm. I was 2 cm dilated and the baby was doing just fine. The 2cm wasn't exciting at all given that i've walked 3 for MONTHS before! But at least it was more than it had been a couple weeks earlier.
By around 830pm labor kicked into gear.
I already knew i was pretty much IN LABOR because i got totally stuck on finding two things: a picture of some pictures i wanted to paint and our camera. Both are still missing... unfortunately, i've pretty sure i threw away the picture while looking for it. :( (I'm pretty sure it was in something else i threw out. grrr) The camera... still just totally missing! Pretty sure i know who has caused it to go missing, but she's not spilling any useful information. another GRRRR!
I KNEW i was in labor when i started sobbing because i couldn't find the picture. I mean, all out CRYING hard. Yes, I realized then that i was in labor.
It was probably around 130am or so that i knew things were getting close to time... or, at least, i felt like they were. Jessie called my midwife around 2am. She arrived around 3am. She had enough time to set up. Her assistants arrived right around 4am.
Backup. Karen checked me soon after she arrived. When she told me i was 7cm dilated i almost freaked out. Interally, i TOTALLY freaked out. Why? 7 is good, right? Okay, well... yes, for the most part. Especially from a 2.
HOWEVER...
When Karen arrived for Jmy's birth... over 2 years ago... i was 7cm dilated. Jmy wasn't born for another FIFTEEN HOURS!
Do you understand my reason for feeling a bit upset? If not... well, i'm pretty sure you've never had a long labor before.
So, i felt like i was going to go NUTS in my head. I went to the bathroom and applied rose oil to my abdoment, clary sage to my inner ankles and then Jasmine to my abdomen... all within about 30 minutes. Probably not the best idea if i wanted to maintain any semblance of control over pain or manage anything... at that point, i was just sure i didn't want to be in labor for another 15 hours! The pain of contractions went from around a 6 to around a 9.9 in SHORT order. The contractions also increased in length and intensity... of course.
Around 4am my waters broke. Meconium. Can't find baby's heart tones.
"Time to get that baby out, Tori. Try lying down so we can try to get these tones. Okay, baby likes this. Stay this way."
That didn't last long as i was totally ready to push very quickly. Two pushes and our little girl entered the world... tearing me front and back.
My smallest baby yet. Biggest tear yet. Ironic? Yes. Frustrating, too. ahwell....
So... considering ACTIVE labor... i was probably 'only' in labor for around 8 hours. Pretty stinking awesome considering my "shortest" labor before EmJ was 21.5 hours! Took me 4 tries.
Oh... and the fact that labor started COMPLETELY on it's own this time is completely and utterly wonderful and fantastic to me! Yes, i augmented... but i did NOTHING to get things going or make sure they KEPT going. Praise the Lord for changing me so that i can now trust my body to do what it's meant to do!!
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Happy Father's Day
I've always known the truth of this meme.
I've shared it before.
Right now,
I share it again,
in celebration of its truth
and in gratitude
for the Dad my husband
has become.
TO JESSIE:
It's never happened before...
the way you've stepped up.
We've done this a few times,
so i know.
It's happened this time.
Just in time for me to wish you a
Happy Father's Day
with some recent specifics.
Thank you for:
*staying home from work
to make three meals a day...
for two whole days you'd normally
have been at work
(a total of 4 days off in a row)
it's a FIRST!
*doing laundry
while you were home
and again since you've returned
to working at the restaurant.
It's a FIRST
(after a baby's birth)!!
(I do know you started
a couple loads after one baby,
but the doing the whole thing AND folding...
THAT is a FIRST!)
*encouraging me by saying,
"I know you can do it.
"I know you can do it.
Sure it'll be hard,
but you can do it."
when i had to take all 5
to the Chiropractor because
EmJ desperately needed an adjustment.
I wanted to cry (and did).
But i cried less
than if i hadn't heard
what you said.
This is NOT a first.
I'm grateful.
*the funny card.
I did laugh.
*letting me know you
are happy about our baby's birth.
I'm glad to know you are happy she's here.
I've always known that our children need you, love you, and will (to a greater or lesser degree) strive to emulate you and who/how you are. No matter what has happened, i've always wanted them to have you in their lives every day because i know you are good for them and they adore you. I'm grateful our children have a wonderful Daddy. Thank you for working hard to be the wonderful Daddy you are. I very much appreciate the healing time you have blessed me with (more than ever before) this time around. I've definitely needed it! Something about being so old now, i think....
I do have a gift planned. It's not ready, though.
Sorry about that.
It'll be ready when i can make it... hopefully sooner than later!!
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!
Monday, June 10, 2013
Meditation Monday #35
Today is day 365 of my meditation journey. 365 days in a year... I've been meditating for a YEAR!!!!
I feel so accomplished. :)
I feel so accomplished. :)
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Super Sunday #8
I've missed two days of walking this past week (and i think i'm changing my "week"). I missed Thursday due to rain from TS Andrea. I decided staying well so close to the baby's due date was more important than taking a walk. :)
I also missed yesterday, Saturday. Friday was a day full of the early constant contractions and Saturday was starting out to be the same. So, i slept instead of going for a walk. I definitely needed the sleep, so i don't regret missing my walk too much. I sure am hoping to walk on Monday, though!
I also missed yesterday, Saturday. Friday was a day full of the early constant contractions and Saturday was starting out to be the same. So, i slept instead of going for a walk. I definitely needed the sleep, so i don't regret missing my walk too much. I sure am hoping to walk on Monday, though!
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Blessingway
Have you heard the term? I had, but even though i've read about a couple, i didn't really GET it. I started to "see" when Ali spoke about it at an awesome Mom's Support Group i attended a couple weeks ago. Ali is a LLL leader and was at the Mom's Group to speak about LLL (La Leche League). She mentioned and described the Blessingway concept. It sounded SO nice. I didn't think of it in terms of "for me," though simply because no one i know would do it and i'm not big on doing such things for myself.
Since i'd met Ali and Allison at Mom's Group (they work together for the LLL group that's pretty close) and liked them a lot, i decided to start going to the LLL Meetings before baby arrives as a way to form connections with like-minded women. It was a lovely meeting. I even met a women who loves Star Trek! ^_^ (Come to find out, she is also a Cosmetologist! Two unusual similarities.)
I ended up crying when trying to thank Allison for caring about and feeling the baby move. My dear friend Crystal did as well and i was going to thank her on our way out (baby was very active toward the middle of the meeting). It was just lovely and bittersweet to share baby's activity with adults who care. There is more to it, but i don't feel too good about sharing here. Sorry.
Anyway... as a result of my tears, Ali hugged me a bunch and decided to throw me a Blessingway. I was so grateful for the hugs as i haven't had many of those from someone around my stature and couldn't say no to the party because spending more time with such wonderful women sounded like a sweet sort of Balm. So, a few days after the first meeting of some sweet ladies, they returned to Ali's house to Bless me, my baby, my pregnancy, and commit to praying for us. What a GIFT, right!!?
It was absolutely wonderful!
An overview of the evening:
Time to chat (must have that when women gather!)
Snacks
Introductions (how those present know me) and a positive thought about what Birth means to each
Coloring! (make a picture or write words to be included in a banner on which laboring Mama can focus)
Necklace and Commitment Bracelets creation in a circle
End
It was absolutely wonderful. Oh, and any gifts given are meant to be either handmade/homemade and/or gifts of service/time. For instance, i was given coupons for a manicure and pedicure and a basket of fresh, washed organic (probably some home grown) veggies! How wonderful is that!??
I have always appreciated every showing forth of love i have received from others... ever! Perhaps especially around the time of a baby's birth because it can be such an upheaval. But this Blessingway is just SO much more my "style". So completely NOT material oriented. It's heart/love/blessing/God/friendship oriented. Doesn't that sound like me? :) Well... if it doesn't, it FEELS like me TO me! ^_^
In case you don't know me well, i'll share that the necklace/bracelet creation part was probably what i least looked forward to, but turned out to be equally as wonderful as the rest! And, yes, i actually think i will wear the necklace (to those who know me). Probably not often, just because jewelry adornment is not something i think about. Even when my children make the jewelry and i mean to wear it, i just don't THINK about it!
Sicne i didn't realize how full of wonderfulness the circle for creating the jewelry would be - even after a description - i'm going to describe it and just accept you will not understand until you have partaken in the activity yourself.
So, everyone sits in a circle. Each person brings/chooses 2 beads. 1 bead is to give to the Mama for her necklace, the other is to keep for the commitment bracelet. Each woman gives a bead to the preggie lady and explains why they chose it. Mama strings it onto her end of the string, while the giver strings her own bead onto the opposite end and then wraps the string around her hand to hold her soon-to-be-bracelet in place. Each woman does this so that eventually everyone is connected in a circle of "jewels". It's sweet, poignant, symbolic, and just really wonderful! And so SO so totally me more than any other "baby celebration" i've been part of to date.
I still feel all teary-eyed as i think about and write about it. My Blessingway was just WONDERFUL and so perfect. Funnily enough i think one of the things that made it perfect and was completely unplanned (and couldn't really be purposefully included) was how very long the necklace creation took. Not that i really WANTED it to take a long time cause you don't plan something like that... just like i've never planned LONG labors... but it was sorta hectic and a little loud and totally and completely sweet! It just felt... like home*! ^_^ Perfect.
*Home: where one's heart feels peace and comfort... not necessarily as most use the term attached to one's domicile.
Since i'd met Ali and Allison at Mom's Group (they work together for the LLL group that's pretty close) and liked them a lot, i decided to start going to the LLL Meetings before baby arrives as a way to form connections with like-minded women. It was a lovely meeting. I even met a women who loves Star Trek! ^_^ (Come to find out, she is also a Cosmetologist! Two unusual similarities.)
I ended up crying when trying to thank Allison for caring about and feeling the baby move. My dear friend Crystal did as well and i was going to thank her on our way out (baby was very active toward the middle of the meeting). It was just lovely and bittersweet to share baby's activity with adults who care. There is more to it, but i don't feel too good about sharing here. Sorry.
Anyway... as a result of my tears, Ali hugged me a bunch and decided to throw me a Blessingway. I was so grateful for the hugs as i haven't had many of those from someone around my stature and couldn't say no to the party because spending more time with such wonderful women sounded like a sweet sort of Balm. So, a few days after the first meeting of some sweet ladies, they returned to Ali's house to Bless me, my baby, my pregnancy, and commit to praying for us. What a GIFT, right!!?
It was absolutely wonderful!
An overview of the evening:
Time to chat (must have that when women gather!)
Snacks
Introductions (how those present know me) and a positive thought about what Birth means to each
Coloring! (make a picture or write words to be included in a banner on which laboring Mama can focus)
Necklace and Commitment Bracelets creation in a circle
End
It was absolutely wonderful. Oh, and any gifts given are meant to be either handmade/homemade and/or gifts of service/time. For instance, i was given coupons for a manicure and pedicure and a basket of fresh, washed organic (probably some home grown) veggies! How wonderful is that!??
I have always appreciated every showing forth of love i have received from others... ever! Perhaps especially around the time of a baby's birth because it can be such an upheaval. But this Blessingway is just SO much more my "style". So completely NOT material oriented. It's heart/love/blessing/God/friendship oriented. Doesn't that sound like me? :) Well... if it doesn't, it FEELS like me TO me! ^_^
In case you don't know me well, i'll share that the necklace/bracelet creation part was probably what i least looked forward to, but turned out to be equally as wonderful as the rest! And, yes, i actually think i will wear the necklace (to those who know me). Probably not often, just because jewelry adornment is not something i think about. Even when my children make the jewelry and i mean to wear it, i just don't THINK about it!
Sicne i didn't realize how full of wonderfulness the circle for creating the jewelry would be - even after a description - i'm going to describe it and just accept you will not understand until you have partaken in the activity yourself.
So, everyone sits in a circle. Each person brings/chooses 2 beads. 1 bead is to give to the Mama for her necklace, the other is to keep for the commitment bracelet. Each woman gives a bead to the preggie lady and explains why they chose it. Mama strings it onto her end of the string, while the giver strings her own bead onto the opposite end and then wraps the string around her hand to hold her soon-to-be-bracelet in place. Each woman does this so that eventually everyone is connected in a circle of "jewels". It's sweet, poignant, symbolic, and just really wonderful! And so SO so totally me more than any other "baby celebration" i've been part of to date.
I still feel all teary-eyed as i think about and write about it. My Blessingway was just WONDERFUL and so perfect. Funnily enough i think one of the things that made it perfect and was completely unplanned (and couldn't really be purposefully included) was how very long the necklace creation took. Not that i really WANTED it to take a long time cause you don't plan something like that... just like i've never planned LONG labors... but it was sorta hectic and a little loud and totally and completely sweet! It just felt... like home*! ^_^ Perfect.
*Home: where one's heart feels peace and comfort... not necessarily as most use the term attached to one's domicile.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Preparing for Baby
This time definitely feels to have gone, overall, faster. There are certainly some days that crawl, but, for the most part, i'm amazed at how time has flown. ESPECIALLY since we've been back from our extended trip to Virginia.
Pretty sure i've mentioned it, but it is much on my mind and i'm very pleased and excited... so wanted to share some more.
In the past, i have heard comments from some other Mothers about helping women who are having their _(more than second) baby. It felt cruddy to hear the meannesses, but i think it was good for me, too. As a result, i didn't really do anything different for #3 and #4 births or preparation for them. i just wasn't present enough or organized enough to do what needed to be done... and i dreaded the labor ordeal. Yes, preparing ahead of time required acknowledgement and acceptance of THAT particular step in the process. :) But i am DEFINITELY doing some things differently THIS time! And, at least, one thing the same... but that's a good thing.
This time i feel SO different. If you're interested in HOW (and potentially why) i feel different, feel free to read HERE. No worries if you're not that interested, of course.
If you want to feel better about your own upcoming birth, though, i do recommend taking a few more minutes to read there. It's all from me - so hopefully you know it's what i believe to be the honest to goodness truth. Cause i just don't do full-frontal lying. i admit that i am learning how to leave stuff out... but i think i should've learned THAT a LONG time ago. ahwell...
Back to the reason for writing today!
What more have i done in preparation? Among the NEW things i've done: i completed another 2.5 days worth of snacks!!! That means, my friend, that i have now prepared MORE than my goal. What a GOOD feeling that is, i have to say!!! (We eat a little differently around here: breakfast, a snack, another snack, dinner... thus, two snacks per day is the usual requirement.)
The same day i exceeded my goal with regard to snack preparation, i also made another dinner meal... actually, only the meatballs for a dinner. Ria is wonderfully capeable and will readily be able to make the noodles and pour premade organic spaghetti sauce over the top... hopefully have a veggie on the side (but probably something raw) if i cannot actually get up to do it. She has been fully trained in that dinner prep. YEAY! So, i only have 3 more dinners to prepare ahead of time! YIPPEE!!! I sure am hoping i can accomplish my goal of 14 dinners before the due date, which is swiftly appraoching!
Something i've done in the past that has always helped has been to accept or ask for a Priesthood Blessing. I've been meaning to ask for one for the last month or so, but just didn't get around to it. Yesterday the Brother i wanted to ask turned around after the main service and asked me how i was doing. It took a minute, but i finally remembered that i wanted to ask him for a blessing. He was more than happy to help and he and another Brother i appreciate very much administered a PB for me after church. The peace i've felt has been greatly increased since. Praise the Lord! :)
Honestly, i cannot remember if i heard about doing this or just decided to do it when i had just Ria and Kat, but it is something that has proven to be very helpful: i do an extensive clean of my vehicle and shift carseats around in advance of the birth. Usually i do this at least a month in advance. This time i did do a bit of shifting (reassigning the girls seats and practicing load-up and un-load order) about a month ahead of babys EDD, but i did not move Jmy's carseat until today AFTER we returned home from an outing. It does worry me that i've waited so long to shift him. Hopefully he'll be easy-going about it. We'll see.
Since i was moving Jmy's carseat, i decided to also complete the deep clean. Really, i keep the van very neat and orderly, for the most part. However, the children do get to eat in the van at times and regardless of how many times i tell them and require them to clean up after themselves, there is always stuff left in cracks and crannies. This troubles me a great deal... but i do my best and that's all i can ask of myself. It was upsetting to find biscuit bits (who knows how old) and other random large crumbs stuck between a seat and the side of the van. So, the "deep clean" was really beneficial! But man... i could've chosen a better TIME, maybe. i was soaked when i finished because i sweated so much. Trying to rehydrate even now an hour later!
Yesterday my midwife dropped off my birth kit. In the past, i haven't really bothered with looking in the kit or anything until labor was imminent. Last night i dug into it, reorganized things, and placed the little presoaped sponge with brush thingy in a very visible place... then put it all in a place i'll see A LOT. It's exciting! Yes, i have already been thinking about the baby a lot, but not i'm anticipating the process to GET baby, too. Not dreading... which is very nice! ^_^
It sure does feel good to have food preparations coming nicely along and to have a relatively clean van now!! I did not get around to wiping down surfaces (they are VERY dusty), but at least the carpets and seats are nicely cleaned up. :) It is SO much easier to keep the van nice and orderly and swept out... i figure it's sorta like the orderliness some women are able to maintain in their homes since their children are out of them for around 8 hours each day. Don't know for sure, of course, but i imagine.... :)
Pretty sure i've mentioned it, but it is much on my mind and i'm very pleased and excited... so wanted to share some more.
In the past, i have heard comments from some other Mothers about helping women who are having their _(more than second) baby. It felt cruddy to hear the meannesses, but i think it was good for me, too. As a result, i didn't really do anything different for #3 and #4 births or preparation for them. i just wasn't present enough or organized enough to do what needed to be done... and i dreaded the labor ordeal. Yes, preparing ahead of time required acknowledgement and acceptance of THAT particular step in the process. :) But i am DEFINITELY doing some things differently THIS time! And, at least, one thing the same... but that's a good thing.
This time i feel SO different. If you're interested in HOW (and potentially why) i feel different, feel free to read HERE. No worries if you're not that interested, of course.
If you want to feel better about your own upcoming birth, though, i do recommend taking a few more minutes to read there. It's all from me - so hopefully you know it's what i believe to be the honest to goodness truth. Cause i just don't do full-frontal lying. i admit that i am learning how to leave stuff out... but i think i should've learned THAT a LONG time ago. ahwell...
Back to the reason for writing today!
What more have i done in preparation? Among the NEW things i've done: i completed another 2.5 days worth of snacks!!! That means, my friend, that i have now prepared MORE than my goal. What a GOOD feeling that is, i have to say!!! (We eat a little differently around here: breakfast, a snack, another snack, dinner... thus, two snacks per day is the usual requirement.)
The same day i exceeded my goal with regard to snack preparation, i also made another dinner meal... actually, only the meatballs for a dinner. Ria is wonderfully capeable and will readily be able to make the noodles and pour premade organic spaghetti sauce over the top... hopefully have a veggie on the side (but probably something raw) if i cannot actually get up to do it. She has been fully trained in that dinner prep. YEAY! So, i only have 3 more dinners to prepare ahead of time! YIPPEE!!! I sure am hoping i can accomplish my goal of 14 dinners before the due date, which is swiftly appraoching!
Something i've done in the past that has always helped has been to accept or ask for a Priesthood Blessing. I've been meaning to ask for one for the last month or so, but just didn't get around to it. Yesterday the Brother i wanted to ask turned around after the main service and asked me how i was doing. It took a minute, but i finally remembered that i wanted to ask him for a blessing. He was more than happy to help and he and another Brother i appreciate very much administered a PB for me after church. The peace i've felt has been greatly increased since. Praise the Lord! :)
Honestly, i cannot remember if i heard about doing this or just decided to do it when i had just Ria and Kat, but it is something that has proven to be very helpful: i do an extensive clean of my vehicle and shift carseats around in advance of the birth. Usually i do this at least a month in advance. This time i did do a bit of shifting (reassigning the girls seats and practicing load-up and un-load order) about a month ahead of babys EDD, but i did not move Jmy's carseat until today AFTER we returned home from an outing. It does worry me that i've waited so long to shift him. Hopefully he'll be easy-going about it. We'll see.
Since i was moving Jmy's carseat, i decided to also complete the deep clean. Really, i keep the van very neat and orderly, for the most part. However, the children do get to eat in the van at times and regardless of how many times i tell them and require them to clean up after themselves, there is always stuff left in cracks and crannies. This troubles me a great deal... but i do my best and that's all i can ask of myself. It was upsetting to find biscuit bits (who knows how old) and other random large crumbs stuck between a seat and the side of the van. So, the "deep clean" was really beneficial! But man... i could've chosen a better TIME, maybe. i was soaked when i finished because i sweated so much. Trying to rehydrate even now an hour later!
Yesterday my midwife dropped off my birth kit. In the past, i haven't really bothered with looking in the kit or anything until labor was imminent. Last night i dug into it, reorganized things, and placed the little presoaped sponge with brush thingy in a very visible place... then put it all in a place i'll see A LOT. It's exciting! Yes, i have already been thinking about the baby a lot, but not i'm anticipating the process to GET baby, too. Not dreading... which is very nice! ^_^
It sure does feel good to have food preparations coming nicely along and to have a relatively clean van now!! I did not get around to wiping down surfaces (they are VERY dusty), but at least the carpets and seats are nicely cleaned up. :) It is SO much easier to keep the van nice and orderly and swept out... i figure it's sorta like the orderliness some women are able to maintain in their homes since their children are out of them for around 8 hours each day. Don't know for sure, of course, but i imagine.... :)
Meditation Monday #34
Today is day 358 of my meditation journey. 365 days in a year...... i'm almost there by count of days!!! What an AWESOME feeling! ^_^
This last week has been especially nice for meditating. It's just been a 'slower' feeling sort of week and i've been able to complete more "longer" meditations. It's still just Kirtan Kriya with open and close, but i've been able to do a few 18 minute KKs and even a 30 minute KK! ^_^ It's nice to spend that 'much' time focused on the pure love of God! That, combined with my walking prayer time and scripture reading... well, i'm in a bit of heavenly space for a good part of my mornings lately! Praise the Lord for it!
These mornings (and the combined focus on God and benefit to my mind, body and spirit) have changed something in me in a huge way. It's very easy to describe quickly, but it will not convey the true depth and profundity of what is changing and has changed in me. Still, the easy-to-describe-change is previous and valuable enough. :) The change? Okay, so... i'm pretty advanced in this pregnancy. (i'll not say HOW far i am simply because i don't need the stress of anyone outside me worrying about my "due date" and how late i am or am not for it.) During this portion of EACH preceeding pregnancy i had this horrible feeling. It was a DEEP feeling of needing to just run... to run away from where we lived (when it was just Jessie and me). i wasnted to go on a "honeymoon". We never did have one. ahwell. Doesn't matter now. When preggie with Kat, i wanted to run away from Jessie and Ria to have a night alone to do WHATEVER. Didn't happen. Inside i felt wonky... like i couldn't DEAL because i was ALWAYS dealing! The feeling revisited when i was preggie with Tea and Jmy. It was worse each time. i wanted more time away when preggie with Tea than with Kat and even more time when preggie with Jmy than with Tea. No, i did not get to run away. We have never been able to afford for me to be that kind of selfish. And that's all right. i see it has blessed me to be "forced" to die to self a lot more each time.
Well, i realized a few weeks ago that i haven't had that feeling at all this time. that horrible feeling was REALLY heavy and horrible by now in each preceeding pregnancy. This time around i have wanted to run away from Jessie (which is new) when he's been mean. But i have not wanted to run away and STAY away from everyone for days on end (as i did when preggie with Tea and Jmy).
This change is not, likely, due to only one thing. But i DO know meditation is a part of the BIG changes going on in my mind/heart/body. i'm SO grateful!!!
As a part of the above, it seems to me that my ability to remain peaceful in myself is improving. Don't get me wrong. i still fuss and lose control, but it's not down in my core like it used to be. It feels like i'm okay deep down even when superficially i'm really upset.
Perhaps one of the difficult things about meditation is that the changes are so deeply personal. It would be interesting to me if others could perceive and convey their perceptions about changes in me, but i honestly think most people just don't notice. Truly. i mean, even my husband who has had THE greatest opportunity to know me better than anyone else in the whole world has told me that HE thinks my meditating is a waste of time. Yes, i know... nice. But opposition is often most effective from those closest to us. That IS why the devil uses them, don't'cha know? (And the devil has used almost everyone close to me to put opposition into my life in BIG ways.)
It is helpful to me that i take the opposition in, process it (mentally and emotionally), question whether it has any validity, realize (almost without exception) that it absolutely does not, and then continue on the path the Lord has described and planned for me with renewed vigor, determination, and Love. So what if he doesn't see the benefit? It's not FOR him anyway. It's my Spirit that is changing. It doesn't matter if he never sees it. My Father in Heaven and Savior know... and I... I know!
This last week has been especially nice for meditating. It's just been a 'slower' feeling sort of week and i've been able to complete more "longer" meditations. It's still just Kirtan Kriya with open and close, but i've been able to do a few 18 minute KKs and even a 30 minute KK! ^_^ It's nice to spend that 'much' time focused on the pure love of God! That, combined with my walking prayer time and scripture reading... well, i'm in a bit of heavenly space for a good part of my mornings lately! Praise the Lord for it!
These mornings (and the combined focus on God and benefit to my mind, body and spirit) have changed something in me in a huge way. It's very easy to describe quickly, but it will not convey the true depth and profundity of what is changing and has changed in me. Still, the easy-to-describe-change is previous and valuable enough. :) The change? Okay, so... i'm pretty advanced in this pregnancy. (i'll not say HOW far i am simply because i don't need the stress of anyone outside me worrying about my "due date" and how late i am or am not for it.) During this portion of EACH preceeding pregnancy i had this horrible feeling. It was a DEEP feeling of needing to just run... to run away from where we lived (when it was just Jessie and me). i wasnted to go on a "honeymoon". We never did have one. ahwell. Doesn't matter now. When preggie with Kat, i wanted to run away from Jessie and Ria to have a night alone to do WHATEVER. Didn't happen. Inside i felt wonky... like i couldn't DEAL because i was ALWAYS dealing! The feeling revisited when i was preggie with Tea and Jmy. It was worse each time. i wanted more time away when preggie with Tea than with Kat and even more time when preggie with Jmy than with Tea. No, i did not get to run away. We have never been able to afford for me to be that kind of selfish. And that's all right. i see it has blessed me to be "forced" to die to self a lot more each time.
Well, i realized a few weeks ago that i haven't had that feeling at all this time. that horrible feeling was REALLY heavy and horrible by now in each preceeding pregnancy. This time around i have wanted to run away from Jessie (which is new) when he's been mean. But i have not wanted to run away and STAY away from everyone for days on end (as i did when preggie with Tea and Jmy).
This change is not, likely, due to only one thing. But i DO know meditation is a part of the BIG changes going on in my mind/heart/body. i'm SO grateful!!!
As a part of the above, it seems to me that my ability to remain peaceful in myself is improving. Don't get me wrong. i still fuss and lose control, but it's not down in my core like it used to be. It feels like i'm okay deep down even when superficially i'm really upset.
Perhaps one of the difficult things about meditation is that the changes are so deeply personal. It would be interesting to me if others could perceive and convey their perceptions about changes in me, but i honestly think most people just don't notice. Truly. i mean, even my husband who has had THE greatest opportunity to know me better than anyone else in the whole world has told me that HE thinks my meditating is a waste of time. Yes, i know... nice. But opposition is often most effective from those closest to us. That IS why the devil uses them, don't'cha know? (And the devil has used almost everyone close to me to put opposition into my life in BIG ways.)
It is helpful to me that i take the opposition in, process it (mentally and emotionally), question whether it has any validity, realize (almost without exception) that it absolutely does not, and then continue on the path the Lord has described and planned for me with renewed vigor, determination, and Love. So what if he doesn't see the benefit? It's not FOR him anyway. It's my Spirit that is changing. It doesn't matter if he never sees it. My Father in Heaven and Savior know... and I... I know!
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Super Sunday #7
Week seven completed as of Wednesday (the 29th) and i'm still walking for 1 hour 6 days each week. Almost the same route each day, which is nice because i can see if my "speed" is about the same or not. For the most part, it is about the same. VERY slow! ^_^
If you knew how many weeks gestation i have compelte of this pregnancy, though, you would just be cheering that i'm doing a daily walk at all. At least, i sure am! Definitely not in a "personal pride" sorta way because i know who i am and if it were not for the Lord's Leading and Supporting... well, this consistency would definitely simply not BE.
Just as an example of His Support... since i started walking i have, of course, set my alarm for a wake up time early enough so that i could walk before Jessie would have to go to work. For most of those days (weeks), i have "popped" awake well before the alarm. Just because earlier is cooler, i've wanted to be out by 5:30am for my walks, but didn't want the alarm going off early enough for that to happen. So, i've set it for later and asked for help. Help has been provided and i've been out walking by or before or RIGHT after 5:30am! (Not every day, but still!!! One day it was way before 5:30, another day it was right at 5:30 and yet another day it was 5:31!) This, for anyone who knows me, is the equivalent of a TREMENDOUS character change. Seriously folks. You cannot conceive of what a big deal this is if you don't ACTUALLY know me in real life. Such changes in me are only possible in and through our Lord, Jesus Christ and His changing power. i know it. Don't doubt it. It IS what IS. And i'm telling it like it IS!
One big thing i've noticed is that getting up and "getting going" are pretty painful at times, but once i'm up (whether for my walk in the morning or to go from one room to another in the house), it really isn't as difficult and painful as it has been by this stage in pregnancy with the other four. This is, of course, WONDERFUL to me! ^_^
Oh, i'm up to 25 DEEP squats each day and will move up to 30 within the next couple days. Imagine the kind of squatting recommended for birth and that's what i'm doing. A few are extended, the others are done in quick succession. It's not a huge effort... or wouldn't be for someone fit as a fiddle. For me... well, i take it slow. ;)
In some of my walks, i've been considering what/how i will continue this wonderful and enjoyable activity once the baby is born. i'm absolutely certain it will work out the best way possible... i'm just trying to have a plan that can be changed up as necessary. i'll make sure to share along the way!
If you knew how many weeks gestation i have compelte of this pregnancy, though, you would just be cheering that i'm doing a daily walk at all. At least, i sure am! Definitely not in a "personal pride" sorta way because i know who i am and if it were not for the Lord's Leading and Supporting... well, this consistency would definitely simply not BE.
Just as an example of His Support... since i started walking i have, of course, set my alarm for a wake up time early enough so that i could walk before Jessie would have to go to work. For most of those days (weeks), i have "popped" awake well before the alarm. Just because earlier is cooler, i've wanted to be out by 5:30am for my walks, but didn't want the alarm going off early enough for that to happen. So, i've set it for later and asked for help. Help has been provided and i've been out walking by or before or RIGHT after 5:30am! (Not every day, but still!!! One day it was way before 5:30, another day it was right at 5:30 and yet another day it was 5:31!) This, for anyone who knows me, is the equivalent of a TREMENDOUS character change. Seriously folks. You cannot conceive of what a big deal this is if you don't ACTUALLY know me in real life. Such changes in me are only possible in and through our Lord, Jesus Christ and His changing power. i know it. Don't doubt it. It IS what IS. And i'm telling it like it IS!
One big thing i've noticed is that getting up and "getting going" are pretty painful at times, but once i'm up (whether for my walk in the morning or to go from one room to another in the house), it really isn't as difficult and painful as it has been by this stage in pregnancy with the other four. This is, of course, WONDERFUL to me! ^_^
Oh, i'm up to 25 DEEP squats each day and will move up to 30 within the next couple days. Imagine the kind of squatting recommended for birth and that's what i'm doing. A few are extended, the others are done in quick succession. It's not a huge effort... or wouldn't be for someone fit as a fiddle. For me... well, i take it slow. ;)
In some of my walks, i've been considering what/how i will continue this wonderful and enjoyable activity once the baby is born. i'm absolutely certain it will work out the best way possible... i'm just trying to have a plan that can be changed up as necessary. i'll make sure to share along the way!
Saturday, June 1, 2013
On Obedience
This post has been a few weeks in the making. Probably longer, really... but a few weeks ago i read a post on the blog of a woman in my Ward (church group). There are many things i greatly admire about this particular woman, i am glad, as with almost all the women in my church, to call her Sister. She has some very different perspectives and political positions from me, but, for the most part, i really respect her.
Unfortunately, my respect did diminish slightly when i read the post about which i'm thinking and have been pondering. My concern is for her, a little... mostly, though, i feel greater concern for/that any youth in our Ward or the Church at large may find her blog, admire her, read this particular post and then make wrong and detrimentally life changing choices as a result of her and their admiration of her and potential acceptance of her ideas (particularly the one about which i'm thinking and preparing to write about now).
My blog is not popular or well visited, for the most part, so i'm relatively certain that she does not read here, but if she does (you do), please forgive any offense. Truly, my intention is not to offend or pass judgement or be mean or anything like that. My hope is to correct in love - but not necessarily the Sister (you?) who wrote the blog, but more specifically: the ideas presented therein. It seems unlikely that anyone who reads her (your) blog would also read mine, but i rather hope that if there are any youth that read hers, they will also stumble upon this particular post.
The topic of this post is rated R movies.
This is the topic my Sister addressed in her blog. It saddens me to say that i almost desperately disagree with the dangerous position she presented, which is, basically, that she's smart enough to ignore our Leaders' direction, suggestion, warning... that we should NOT watch rated R movies. This direction is not age specific. I do believe the warning pertains to all members of the LDS Church.
One thing i know is that the R rating currently is much worse than it was years ago. When the Leaders of my Church began to warn against viewing movies of this rating, the contents were bad enough, but as our society descends ever farther and faster into thinking and practicing evil ways as a matter of course, the rating goes right along with it. Today, PG-13 is comparable to the rated R of years ago.
Confession. I am ashamed to say that i went against a decision i made when i began to attend church again to avoid rated R movies and watched one a few months ago. Another confession: while away from the Church, i was exposed to pornography. These two confessions come together because there was nothing soft about a particularly graphic scene that was also pornographic in the rated R movie i watched. My regret over having this particular scene now in my mind with all the other crud i have there available for replay at completely inappropriate times, is tremendous. The movie was neat... but to me, at this time in my life and Spiritual progression, it is and was not worth the price i pay.
Perhaps the Sister whose blog i keep referencing doesn't have such a brain as mine. A brain that has such issues with images and recall (especially the random remembrances). But i believe there will be someone who does who is or will be influenced to do what will harm them by her position, which is put and argued eloquently (as is basically all of her writing). Perhaps watching the movie to which i refer would not be a trouble or a harm to this particular Sister... but that doesn't mean the choice to watch it is right. Disregard of direction is still a form of disobedience, isn't it?
Bad stuff is still bad stuff regardless of how the world may esteem it. My position and arguement is not cool. It's not popular. It's not pleasing unto the eyes and minds of men. But i truly believe it is what the Lord would prefer for us. He has our VERY best interests at heart. He wants only the best for us. If we ingest poison - whether into our body or mind - it will harm us eventually.
While watching the rated-R movie i confessed about above, i was very uncomfortable sitting alone during the pornographic scene. Given my recent history and experiences, i would have probably violently turned the movie off and run away crying if i'd watched it with my husband. As it is, it sickens me to know he saw it at another time. If my Savior had been visible to me, sitting next to me as i watched that movie, i would have been VERY uncomfortable to watch the pornographic scene. Who am i kidding? i would've never turned it on if he was visibly next to me! (Thus my guilt over my wrong choice.) The most important of these discomforts is how i would feel watching it with Jesus Christ, of course. I should not have done it. Knowing this (and i really knew it before i watched), i yearn to "preach it" to others... that YOU may avoid the guilt and necessary repentance and that you may completely avoid the potential replays you'd not prefer to have in your head.
Please be wise!
As Elder Sorensen said in 'You Can't Pet a Rattlesnake' back in a April 2001 General Conference address, "Don’t allow the poison to touch your souls, brethren. Remember, “He that is righteous is favored of God." Those words, 'brethren' and 'he,' by the way, are as readily applicable to women as men. It's universal in the context of the talk even though he was speaking to men... it's not just for the Brothers of the church and/or world.
i pray you will receive this in the Spirit in which i have written it. Love.
Unfortunately, my respect did diminish slightly when i read the post about which i'm thinking and have been pondering. My concern is for her, a little... mostly, though, i feel greater concern for/that any youth in our Ward or the Church at large may find her blog, admire her, read this particular post and then make wrong and detrimentally life changing choices as a result of her and their admiration of her and potential acceptance of her ideas (particularly the one about which i'm thinking and preparing to write about now).
My blog is not popular or well visited, for the most part, so i'm relatively certain that she does not read here, but if she does (you do), please forgive any offense. Truly, my intention is not to offend or pass judgement or be mean or anything like that. My hope is to correct in love - but not necessarily the Sister (you?) who wrote the blog, but more specifically: the ideas presented therein. It seems unlikely that anyone who reads her (your) blog would also read mine, but i rather hope that if there are any youth that read hers, they will also stumble upon this particular post.
The topic of this post is rated R movies.
This is the topic my Sister addressed in her blog. It saddens me to say that i almost desperately disagree with the dangerous position she presented, which is, basically, that she's smart enough to ignore our Leaders' direction, suggestion, warning... that we should NOT watch rated R movies. This direction is not age specific. I do believe the warning pertains to all members of the LDS Church.
One thing i know is that the R rating currently is much worse than it was years ago. When the Leaders of my Church began to warn against viewing movies of this rating, the contents were bad enough, but as our society descends ever farther and faster into thinking and practicing evil ways as a matter of course, the rating goes right along with it. Today, PG-13 is comparable to the rated R of years ago.
Confession. I am ashamed to say that i went against a decision i made when i began to attend church again to avoid rated R movies and watched one a few months ago. Another confession: while away from the Church, i was exposed to pornography. These two confessions come together because there was nothing soft about a particularly graphic scene that was also pornographic in the rated R movie i watched. My regret over having this particular scene now in my mind with all the other crud i have there available for replay at completely inappropriate times, is tremendous. The movie was neat... but to me, at this time in my life and Spiritual progression, it is and was not worth the price i pay.
Perhaps the Sister whose blog i keep referencing doesn't have such a brain as mine. A brain that has such issues with images and recall (especially the random remembrances). But i believe there will be someone who does who is or will be influenced to do what will harm them by her position, which is put and argued eloquently (as is basically all of her writing). Perhaps watching the movie to which i refer would not be a trouble or a harm to this particular Sister... but that doesn't mean the choice to watch it is right. Disregard of direction is still a form of disobedience, isn't it?
Bad stuff is still bad stuff regardless of how the world may esteem it. My position and arguement is not cool. It's not popular. It's not pleasing unto the eyes and minds of men. But i truly believe it is what the Lord would prefer for us. He has our VERY best interests at heart. He wants only the best for us. If we ingest poison - whether into our body or mind - it will harm us eventually.
While watching the rated-R movie i confessed about above, i was very uncomfortable sitting alone during the pornographic scene. Given my recent history and experiences, i would have probably violently turned the movie off and run away crying if i'd watched it with my husband. As it is, it sickens me to know he saw it at another time. If my Savior had been visible to me, sitting next to me as i watched that movie, i would have been VERY uncomfortable to watch the pornographic scene. Who am i kidding? i would've never turned it on if he was visibly next to me! (Thus my guilt over my wrong choice.) The most important of these discomforts is how i would feel watching it with Jesus Christ, of course. I should not have done it. Knowing this (and i really knew it before i watched), i yearn to "preach it" to others... that YOU may avoid the guilt and necessary repentance and that you may completely avoid the potential replays you'd not prefer to have in your head.
Please be wise!
As Elder Sorensen said in 'You Can't Pet a Rattlesnake' back in a April 2001 General Conference address, "Don’t allow the poison to touch your souls, brethren. Remember, “He that is righteous is favored of God." Those words, 'brethren' and 'he,' by the way, are as readily applicable to women as men. It's universal in the context of the talk even though he was speaking to men... it's not just for the Brothers of the church and/or world.
i pray you will receive this in the Spirit in which i have written it. Love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
statcounter
