Perhaps it's different for you and yours, but around here it's a joy to hear from our folks, though we really only hear from mine regularly. Jess and his Dad talk frequently, but I'm pretty sure Jess calls out... not absolute on that, but I'm pretty sure. And I think he calls out as often as he does because of the conversation relationship he observes that I have with my family of origin.
My family and I are pretty close and we have relatively good relationships. I think we enjoy one another quite a lot - most (if not all) of the time - especially thinking about when we're together.
Regardless of our intentions, however, conversations don't happen nearly as often as we'd like especially now that Jess and I live rather far away and the conversations are limited to the phone, email, facebook, or snail mail. We (my family of origin or I) mean to call, but then don't (read: emergencies in the moment crowd out ability to conversate coherently). And so it is sometimes really rare that I/we talk to my family.
When my brothers call, especially, my reactions are (and probably in this order) #1 worry (because maybe something bad happened that they feel I should know about), #2 get excited (cause they may be calling to plan a visit), or #3 try to remember what special thing may have happened about which they are calling to tell me. Seriously. Does this frustrate or trouble me? No. I feel like I can call just as easily as they can, so I cannot be upset with them for calling infrequently... unless I'm willing to be equally upset with me. I'd rather not be upset or frustrated with anyone, so I choose to enjoy the phone conversations when they can AND do happen.
My sister calls more frequently. And I actually DO call her more often, too. Why? I'm not sure. Perhaps because I think she will not mind my noisy interruptive children as much as my brothers may (have in the past?). She does, afterall, have more experience dealing with those same issues as I... so she's more compassionate about dealing with them second-hand. And I certainly do NOT mind dealing with whatever she may have to deal with, too.
My Mom and I talk a lot more often. That's REALLY mostly because she calls to keep tabs on us REALLY regularly. Like, if she's NOT heard from us in too long (a week or two), she'll call every couple days to try to reach us... cause I do NOT answer the phone when I cannot deal with it. The phone in a tool, NOT a ruler.
Anyway....
When we DO get to talk... we sure do enjoy our conversation time. It always feels like it was just the other day that we talked. I LOVE this gcharacteristic of my relationships with family and good friends! My family and I talk and enjoy one another like no time has passed (after a 1-5 minute warm-up period, the length of time dependent upon the person with whom I'm speaking).
What is your conversation relationship like with your family?
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Thankful Thursday
I know a really cool girl who does a weekly post to share some of the things she's thankful for each week. Because I love her posts and because I think it's an awesome way to shine out and share Light into the world, I'm joining her in working to make Thankful Thursday a weekly post. :) So, for my introductory Thankful Thursday:
Friday, April 15, 2011: I'm thankful for the excitement my family and I feel in anticipation of our house-guests!
Saturday, April 16, 2011: I'm thankful for updated information about my sister's itinerary and expected arrival day/time for her upcoming visit. I'm also thankful that their arrival was slightly delayed as we were dealing with some rather heavy stressors.
Sunday, April 17, 2011: I'm thankful for a loving Ward Family who welcomed me to church (my first since the birth of my #4 child) with great love and affection. I'm also VERY thankful for the safe arrival of my sister and her family for their visit to and in our home!
Monday, April 18, 2011: I'm thankful for simple pleasures, safe travel, yummy ice cream, and time to "just" BE in my sister and her family's company!!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011: I'm thankful for the gift of a safe and enjoyable visit to a local "tourist" spot with a yummy Greek lunch after. All of which was made even more fun and exciting because it was enjoyed in the company of family! I'm thankful for the opportunity to see a valiant Priesthood Holder, hubby, and Daddy in action, caring for his "flock" with great Love, Patience, and Devotion. I knew my sis would be as wonderful as she was! ;)
Wednesday, April 20, 2011: I'm thankful for sweet service and loving kindness of those who do NOT need to do, but do anyway BECAUSE they Love as Christ Loves! I'm thankful for Tea's SWEET temperment - which has extended into this illness.
Thursday, April 21, 2011: I'm thankful for the gift and blessing of Priesthood Blessings and the loving "Mom" and "Dad" (adopted initially by Kat) who came to our home at 12:30am to administer th blessing of comfort and help with ill Tea and then came back half-a-day later to check on us and give Easter gifts - NO cany and DEFINITELY no chocolate AND who called after that to check on us again!!!!! They really know and LOVE us!!! Tea's gift from Mom and Dad, subsequently, has become her comfort thing: a little character lantern. "Not oil burning, but it uses batteries," as Ria commented. :)
Friday, April 15, 2011: I'm thankful for the excitement my family and I feel in anticipation of our house-guests!
Saturday, April 16, 2011: I'm thankful for updated information about my sister's itinerary and expected arrival day/time for her upcoming visit. I'm also thankful that their arrival was slightly delayed as we were dealing with some rather heavy stressors.
Sunday, April 17, 2011: I'm thankful for a loving Ward Family who welcomed me to church (my first since the birth of my #4 child) with great love and affection. I'm also VERY thankful for the safe arrival of my sister and her family for their visit to and in our home!
Monday, April 18, 2011: I'm thankful for simple pleasures, safe travel, yummy ice cream, and time to "just" BE in my sister and her family's company!!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011: I'm thankful for the gift of a safe and enjoyable visit to a local "tourist" spot with a yummy Greek lunch after. All of which was made even more fun and exciting because it was enjoyed in the company of family! I'm thankful for the opportunity to see a valiant Priesthood Holder, hubby, and Daddy in action, caring for his "flock" with great Love, Patience, and Devotion. I knew my sis would be as wonderful as she was! ;)
Wednesday, April 20, 2011: I'm thankful for sweet service and loving kindness of those who do NOT need to do, but do anyway BECAUSE they Love as Christ Loves! I'm thankful for Tea's SWEET temperment - which has extended into this illness.
Thursday, April 21, 2011: I'm thankful for the gift and blessing of Priesthood Blessings and the loving "Mom" and "Dad" (adopted initially by Kat) who came to our home at 12:30am to administer th blessing of comfort and help with ill Tea and then came back half-a-day later to check on us and give Easter gifts - NO cany and DEFINITELY no chocolate AND who called after that to check on us again!!!!! They really know and LOVE us!!! Tea's gift from Mom and Dad, subsequently, has become her comfort thing: a little character lantern. "Not oil burning, but it uses batteries," as Ria commented. :)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Classics
I have been trying to read (and re-read) some books considered, by almost anyone, to be classics. Some might think I would've gotten enough of that stuff through my University degree since I WAS an English Major. But I've come to realize that I learn MUCH more of value now that a degree is not on the horizon... and answering questions on a test is not an issue. I don't have anyone dictating to me what I should see or understand from a given text. The thoughts I have as reading the classics I've been able to read/re-read thus far are way more interesting than the interpretations shoved in front of me by my professors! What a joy!!
And sharing the enjoyment and joy of this experience with my daughters makes it even more wonderful. So far we've completed Great Expectations and we will finish Jane Eyre very soon (within the next two weeks, but it would be much sooner if we were not going to have the joy of visitors in our home very soon). Listening to my 7 year old talk about the characters almost as if they were people she interacted with in real life and wanted to know better... and to hear her excitement... her anticipation to learn what happens next... well, that is a treasure for THIS homeschooling Mama!
Thus far, in my personal efforts to read classics, I've read: The Chosen, Pride and Prejudice, A Girl of the Limberlost, and The Lonesome Gods. The girls and I have also started Alice in Wonderland, but because of Daddy's work situation changing we haven't made much more progress in that one. Ria has already read it a dozen times and Kat and Tea don't really interact with these stories yet (they are "only" 2 and 4 as yet, so when they listen at all, I think it's wonderful!).
For my own reading, I'm planning to begin Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea next. And if I can find them, I'd like to read Laddie and Little Britches soon after I finish 20,000 Leagues. I can't remember which it is, but I've only been able to find ONE copy of one of those last two titles in all of my very large county and to check it out myself I have to travel a bit... I could ask for inter-library transfre, but it costs $5 to get it transferred to my nearest branch! ugh! I'm SO hoping to begin building up our classics collection through thrift store and yard sale shopping... and I'm HOPING to find Laddie and Little Britches among so many others that I hope to add to our library! :) Oh, also on my list for my own classics reading in the near future: Les Miserable, Wuthering Heights, and Benjamin Franklin's Autobiography. Because I'm also reading parenting books and still a homeschooling Mama of two homeschoolers, plus a toddler and a newborn... I think I'll be quite busy with "just" those for some time! :)
Why bother? Why do I love classics (now more than ever)? These two questions have, for me anyway, basically the same answer: Because they are classic! ^_^ They are absolutely wonderful because of the lessons they teach. The strength of charcter (and weaknesses) illustrated in stunning detail through beautiful prose is extremely attractive to me. The opportunity for deep conversation about said is extremely valuable to me. The blessing of self-introspection that reading and then pondering the ideas and actions explained so well as to create movies in my mind while reading these books is priceless. So even though lots, probably even most, of these books can be found for less than a dollar up to around ten dollars each when purchasing them at yard sales, thrift stores and even used book stores... they are of much greater worth than their cost would/could otherwise signify. Especially to me in our homeschool!
What are your favorite classics? What have you read lately?
And sharing the enjoyment and joy of this experience with my daughters makes it even more wonderful. So far we've completed Great Expectations and we will finish Jane Eyre very soon (within the next two weeks, but it would be much sooner if we were not going to have the joy of visitors in our home very soon). Listening to my 7 year old talk about the characters almost as if they were people she interacted with in real life and wanted to know better... and to hear her excitement... her anticipation to learn what happens next... well, that is a treasure for THIS homeschooling Mama!
Thus far, in my personal efforts to read classics, I've read: The Chosen, Pride and Prejudice, A Girl of the Limberlost, and The Lonesome Gods. The girls and I have also started Alice in Wonderland, but because of Daddy's work situation changing we haven't made much more progress in that one. Ria has already read it a dozen times and Kat and Tea don't really interact with these stories yet (they are "only" 2 and 4 as yet, so when they listen at all, I think it's wonderful!).
For my own reading, I'm planning to begin Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea next. And if I can find them, I'd like to read Laddie and Little Britches soon after I finish 20,000 Leagues. I can't remember which it is, but I've only been able to find ONE copy of one of those last two titles in all of my very large county and to check it out myself I have to travel a bit... I could ask for inter-library transfre, but it costs $5 to get it transferred to my nearest branch! ugh! I'm SO hoping to begin building up our classics collection through thrift store and yard sale shopping... and I'm HOPING to find Laddie and Little Britches among so many others that I hope to add to our library! :) Oh, also on my list for my own classics reading in the near future: Les Miserable, Wuthering Heights, and Benjamin Franklin's Autobiography. Because I'm also reading parenting books and still a homeschooling Mama of two homeschoolers, plus a toddler and a newborn... I think I'll be quite busy with "just" those for some time! :)
Why bother? Why do I love classics (now more than ever)? These two questions have, for me anyway, basically the same answer: Because they are classic! ^_^ They are absolutely wonderful because of the lessons they teach. The strength of charcter (and weaknesses) illustrated in stunning detail through beautiful prose is extremely attractive to me. The opportunity for deep conversation about said is extremely valuable to me. The blessing of self-introspection that reading and then pondering the ideas and actions explained so well as to create movies in my mind while reading these books is priceless. So even though lots, probably even most, of these books can be found for less than a dollar up to around ten dollars each when purchasing them at yard sales, thrift stores and even used book stores... they are of much greater worth than their cost would/could otherwise signify. Especially to me in our homeschool!
What are your favorite classics? What have you read lately?
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Giveaway for Nursing and Preggie Ladies!
Hope on over to Stand and Deliver to see what I'm talking about. Some great shirts and the blog is just really cool, too! :)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
An Offshoot of Jessie's Affiliate Marketing Stream of Income (Hopefully)
A new Amazon Store. This one contains things relating to what I write about here. For your browsing pleasure, I bring you: Chooseing Our Way. We Keep Choosing Us is the blog, of course (you are here, right?). So, what better store name than Choosing Our Way... since we are, bit by bit, choosing our way carefully through the maze of this world. Of course, the name for the store does not specify explicitly that we choose under guidance of our Father, but you know that by now, right? :)
In but not OF the World
I'm thinking about making this a re-occuring theme cause it's been SO heavy on my heart lately. Regardless, I feel the need to write about a comment made to me yesterday and, sort of, on Wednesday... and pretty darn regularly when I'm out and about and much of any conversation transpires.
The comment? Well, first I should share that the conversation resulting in the comment revolves around the size of our family. And the question, inevitably, "So, are you done?" (and lately, since Jimmy's birth: "Oh, you have your boy! So, you're done now, right!(?)!) And Tori-unable-to-lie, tells the truth to much raising of eyebrows. And they respond back with: "Well, I suppose that's fine as long as you can afford them/that many (if I've shared the number the Lord has laid on my heart for the last 5 years).
My response? Well, I'm not able to give it every time because of time constraints or lack of real interest on my listener's part, but I can give it fully here... which is a sort of Balm to my communicator's heart. :) Yesterday and Wednesday I was able to respond fully, so let me share the gist of the conversations and the responses.
Wednesady we went to the library. Our first trip of that sort since Jimmy's joined us. I had late fees to pay and determined that I would prefer to do it at the beginning when everyone's behavior is most manageable. So, we were about our business and during the course of it we aquired an audience. The full staff of the front of the library ended up out to admire and watch and comment on the cute kiddies. And the comments and questions abounded. I didn't respond to most cause I could tell (from experience) that the commentor/questioner wasn't really interested in my response. But there were a few who were and I did respond. So, the fact that I'm pretty sure we are not done came out and one Librarian commented: "Oh, but you have to be able to educate them all!" She didn't desire a response. However, I desired to give one. But at that moment I could not because #1 I was too shocked to think straight cause I thought something like, "How does she know we homeschool and I'm wondering how we're gunna buy the next group of curriculum materials?" and #2 even if I hadn't been shocked, I can't think really swiftly on my feet right now... I attribute my slow brain to fatigue and hormones. It happens like this (my brain slowing WAY down) at the end of every pregnancy and it has taken a while to kick back into gear after each baby is born.
Well, I was able to think a bit while I walked with the girls and we did our thing in the library. During that time, I formed my response and decided I would make sure I was courageous to respond to her if I saw her again. I didn't think I would see her again, of course, which made it really easy to determine to be so courageous. :)
Well, when we were checking out, she did come out to watch us. And because she was so close, I felt I had to honor my commitment to myself, even though I felt quite uncomfy in trying to do so. Thankfully she made it quite easy because she commented/asked, "You homeschool, too, don't you?" I felt SO relieved at the opened door! I responded, "If I want more like I do, how could I entrust the care of my precious ones to someone else for their education?!" She was tickled by my response, which increased my courage. And so I said, "Did you comment to me about educating all the children when we were here to pay our fines?" She said yes, of course. "Would you mind hearing my response to your comment now? I couldn't come up with it before, but I've put together exactly what I'd like to say and would like to share it with you now." She, looking a little surprised, but genuinely interested, said, "Yes, of course."
My response, "Have you ever read A Girl of the Limberlost
?" She said she had not, which I was a little surprised at, but continued, "Well, my husband and I both paid for our own University education and I really feel and believe that the experience has only improved our character. I think I'm a pretty good person and was definitely NOT hurt by the effort I had to expend to sustain myself and attain my Higher Education. And I know it's benefited my husband, too. Also, the girl in the book paid for ALL of her own education and she was amazing. I'd like to think I'm a little bit like her. Regardless, as a result of my own experience, I do not feel a bit of need to pay for my children's University Education. And, as a matter-of-fact, my oldest (pointing to Ria) is regularly trying to come up with ways to earn money so that she can buy some of her own educational materials, especially the ones she specifically wants. And I'm TOTALLY okay with that!" My Librarian's response was, basically, "You are an AWESOME Mother." Because I'm trying to be more gracious and loving, I did not refute her out loud, though, in my heart I said, "Oh, you just don't see me at home and all day long." I did NOT say it out loud, though! I'm progressing! :)
Yesterday my neighborn came by to thank me for something I'd done. He was very interested in seeing Jimmy, so I shared. :) And my neighbor and I talked for a few minutes. He asked if we were done. As in done having children. I answered and even shared how NOT done we are (we're about half-way now). And he commented, "Well, so long as you can afford all of them, that's just fine."
My response, "Now, I actually just totally disagree with you on that one. Because, by the world's standards we couldn't have afforded to have Ria when we did. And by those same standards we cannot afford those we DO have. But, you see, I know the Lord will provide at LEAST sufficient for our needs. And, in fact, I know that He provides far more than that!" I referred to our Disney trip, provided by the Lord through my Uncle. I referred to this past Christmas and the mountain of presents that not a ONE of them were NEEDED, but the Lord still provided! "So, I know that if the Lord wants us to have 8 kiddos like I feel He does, He will provide amazingly for every one of them! At least sufficient for our needs, but I'm sure it'll be far more because it always has been up to now!!!" My neighbor was amazed. He mumbled something about how the Lord provides, but I think he was mostly just shocked.
So we are in the world. We live here. But we acknowledge our alien-ness and have our hearts fully (in many ways) in acceptance of that. We do not require for ourselves or our children ALL that the world would have us believe we "NEED". We know, from experience NOW, that we do NOT need 75-99% of that "stuff" and "the experiences" for our children or ourselves that the World promotes and even declares are REQUIRED to "become". So, we're striving to be IN the world but NOT of the world!
What has the Lord impressed you to do to take yourself more fully OUT of the World's Ways?
The comment? Well, first I should share that the conversation resulting in the comment revolves around the size of our family. And the question, inevitably, "So, are you done?" (and lately, since Jimmy's birth: "Oh, you have your boy! So, you're done now, right!(?)!) And Tori-unable-to-lie, tells the truth to much raising of eyebrows. And they respond back with: "Well, I suppose that's fine as long as you can afford them/that many (if I've shared the number the Lord has laid on my heart for the last 5 years).
My response? Well, I'm not able to give it every time because of time constraints or lack of real interest on my listener's part, but I can give it fully here... which is a sort of Balm to my communicator's heart. :) Yesterday and Wednesday I was able to respond fully, so let me share the gist of the conversations and the responses.
Wednesady we went to the library. Our first trip of that sort since Jimmy's joined us. I had late fees to pay and determined that I would prefer to do it at the beginning when everyone's behavior is most manageable. So, we were about our business and during the course of it we aquired an audience. The full staff of the front of the library ended up out to admire and watch and comment on the cute kiddies. And the comments and questions abounded. I didn't respond to most cause I could tell (from experience) that the commentor/questioner wasn't really interested in my response. But there were a few who were and I did respond. So, the fact that I'm pretty sure we are not done came out and one Librarian commented: "Oh, but you have to be able to educate them all!" She didn't desire a response. However, I desired to give one. But at that moment I could not because #1 I was too shocked to think straight cause I thought something like, "How does she know we homeschool and I'm wondering how we're gunna buy the next group of curriculum materials?" and #2 even if I hadn't been shocked, I can't think really swiftly on my feet right now... I attribute my slow brain to fatigue and hormones. It happens like this (my brain slowing WAY down) at the end of every pregnancy and it has taken a while to kick back into gear after each baby is born.
Well, I was able to think a bit while I walked with the girls and we did our thing in the library. During that time, I formed my response and decided I would make sure I was courageous to respond to her if I saw her again. I didn't think I would see her again, of course, which made it really easy to determine to be so courageous. :)
Well, when we were checking out, she did come out to watch us. And because she was so close, I felt I had to honor my commitment to myself, even though I felt quite uncomfy in trying to do so. Thankfully she made it quite easy because she commented/asked, "You homeschool, too, don't you?" I felt SO relieved at the opened door! I responded, "If I want more like I do, how could I entrust the care of my precious ones to someone else for their education?!" She was tickled by my response, which increased my courage. And so I said, "Did you comment to me about educating all the children when we were here to pay our fines?" She said yes, of course. "Would you mind hearing my response to your comment now? I couldn't come up with it before, but I've put together exactly what I'd like to say and would like to share it with you now." She, looking a little surprised, but genuinely interested, said, "Yes, of course."
My response, "Have you ever read A Girl of the Limberlost
?" She said she had not, which I was a little surprised at, but continued, "Well, my husband and I both paid for our own University education and I really feel and believe that the experience has only improved our character. I think I'm a pretty good person and was definitely NOT hurt by the effort I had to expend to sustain myself and attain my Higher Education. And I know it's benefited my husband, too. Also, the girl in the book paid for ALL of her own education and she was amazing. I'd like to think I'm a little bit like her. Regardless, as a result of my own experience, I do not feel a bit of need to pay for my children's University Education. And, as a matter-of-fact, my oldest (pointing to Ria) is regularly trying to come up with ways to earn money so that she can buy some of her own educational materials, especially the ones she specifically wants. And I'm TOTALLY okay with that!" My Librarian's response was, basically, "You are an AWESOME Mother." Because I'm trying to be more gracious and loving, I did not refute her out loud, though, in my heart I said, "Oh, you just don't see me at home and all day long." I did NOT say it out loud, though! I'm progressing! :)Yesterday my neighborn came by to thank me for something I'd done. He was very interested in seeing Jimmy, so I shared. :) And my neighbor and I talked for a few minutes. He asked if we were done. As in done having children. I answered and even shared how NOT done we are (we're about half-way now). And he commented, "Well, so long as you can afford all of them, that's just fine."
My response, "Now, I actually just totally disagree with you on that one. Because, by the world's standards we couldn't have afforded to have Ria when we did. And by those same standards we cannot afford those we DO have. But, you see, I know the Lord will provide at LEAST sufficient for our needs. And, in fact, I know that He provides far more than that!" I referred to our Disney trip, provided by the Lord through my Uncle. I referred to this past Christmas and the mountain of presents that not a ONE of them were NEEDED, but the Lord still provided! "So, I know that if the Lord wants us to have 8 kiddos like I feel He does, He will provide amazingly for every one of them! At least sufficient for our needs, but I'm sure it'll be far more because it always has been up to now!!!" My neighbor was amazed. He mumbled something about how the Lord provides, but I think he was mostly just shocked.
So we are in the world. We live here. But we acknowledge our alien-ness and have our hearts fully (in many ways) in acceptance of that. We do not require for ourselves or our children ALL that the world would have us believe we "NEED". We know, from experience NOW, that we do NOT need 75-99% of that "stuff" and "the experiences" for our children or ourselves that the World promotes and even declares are REQUIRED to "become". So, we're striving to be IN the world but NOT of the world!
What has the Lord impressed you to do to take yourself more fully OUT of the World's Ways?
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Fencing
We need to put our fence "back" up. The work done with the wood that was up when we bought this house was shoddy. Most of the wood was good, but the job of putting it together (as well as some key pieces, read: crossbeams) were just NOT! So, helped along by the neighbor children throwing balls at it (the fence was falling down so much that throwing balls at it helped it along nicely... grrrr) we took the fence down. HA!!! Actually, our the AWESOME Boyscouts in my Ward took it down for us (with Jessie)! We still have most of the wood. Not all of it, though, as I have used some of it to build the chicken tractor, of which I constructed about 80%. ^_^
Still, with the wood we do have, we could fence a good portion of our yard with some new crossbeams (I'm not sure if that's actually what they are called, but I'm referring to the pieces that are horizontal with the ground and hold all the perpendicular pieces of wood together).
Thanks to Craigslist, I was blessed to find a fencing place that sells used fence panels for $5 each. Yesterday I had a plan for Jess and me to have a long date (with Jimmy along) to go pick out and purchase any good ones we could find there. The place is in Orlando, so it'd be a good trip there and back plus loading of panels.... That fell through. But last night, when I was wracking my brain to come up with a plan to get our fence back up, Grammy Jo called. She suggested that she could come over to watch the girls and I could go with Butch to get the panels - basically my plan was still in tact, but I'd be traveling with my "adoptive" Dad instead of Jessie.
I've felt a good deal of pressure to get our fence up for a while.
#1 Reason To Get The Fence Back Up: Father has impressed Jessie that we need to develop multiple streams of income so that we are not reliant upon only one. I have felt impressed that using our land and fulfilling some of the self-suficiency goals He has inspired in my heart is meant also to become productive to fulfilling the inspiration Jessie has received. We need to contain the chickens. And I don't prefer to work with an audience. Pressure to get that fence up.
#2 Reason: Currently, I have to plan my day around our neighbor's schedule. WHY!?? Well, I, personally, do not prefer to work with an audience watching and questioning me. To avoid an audience, I must work outside when the neighbor children are NOT home. I do not like having to plan my day around their school day. I would like to feel that I can go into my yard and do what I want, when I want (within reason, of course!). I cannot currently do this and it is amazingly frustrating. Also, because the fence is NOT up, the children randomly run through the yard. This is a problem because I'm hyper aware of our property... especially as a result of March's events in a neighbor's back yard. So, when I see someone or something moving in my yard, it is very interruptive! I don't want random people - even just children - running through my yard. I want them to ask permission to come and play - like at the front door. Not just run over cause my kids are out. Okay, so I'm very protective. If you heard how these kids' Grama yells, you might want to supervise your children's play with her grandkids! My kids don't cuss. I don't want them to LEARN how to cuss (any more than they already have from their Daddy's slips!!). And I definitely don't want them to think it's cool cause their peer does it. Yes, they are sheltered. This is one of the bonus benefits of homeschooling. I get to bless my children with purity in their childhood!!! I guard their purity and will continue to do so as long as possible. Doesn't Father God WANT us to do this? I think so! Pressure to get that fence up.
#3 Reason: Our neighbor (second house down) was robbed twice in six days last month. His back fence was knocked down by the power company a while back and he hasn't got it back up, so his back yard was open and accessible to observation and foot traffic. The result: some crooks stole everything they could move quickly to sell - plus the trailer they loaded it on! I've been feeling quite concerned about our home since then. I'm not so worried about our garage. But I AM worried that said crooks may see a door to our home open (since we do leave a door open for the cool night air - to cool off the house from the heat of the day) and think it's an open invitation to take what they want. (Read: my biggest concern is that they would take one or all of my girls or harm any of our persons - especially since the door that is open is right into our bedroom.) BIG pressure to get that fence up.
#4 Reason: We have lots of unsightly fence posts sticking out of the ground with no fence actually ON them. It looks WAY white trash. :( A good friend of mine once said something about "white trashy-ness" to me and, obviously, it's stuck with me cause now that I have any way of doing anything about whether something "mine" is deemed such by me, I totally do NOT want to look out and see something that makes me think "white trash"!!! *sigh* I know my worth has nothing to do with my yard, but I DO want to be a good steward and I want to feel good about the blessings Father has given. Pressure to put the fence up.
Talk about some pressure, right?!!
Thankfully we have a little bit left from our tax return. After paying for Jimmy's birth and covering some escroe expense, it's a lot less than I was hoping for... I'm not sure how we're buying the next round of school stuff. I DO think we'll have enoug hin out regular budget to purchase some relatively soon... I was just hoping to use our income to get our alternate streams up and working. *sigh* I'm sure Father will work out whatever I cannot figure out right now! I think, though, that what we have left just MIGHT be enough to get the whole yard encompassed about by privacy fencing (with gates! as a result of the trip today). This may be possible, BUT only because I was able to buy 19 panels (not all of them 8 feet long... but the amount of wood I bought I could've NEVER got for what I paid!!). I also bought 30 posts, 10 of which I'll leave in the trailer I borrowed from my neighbor. He'll need to buy at least 5 times that many to put his fence up, but since they were $3 each, I think we both got a good deal from my borrowing his trailer. :) I DO hope he feels that way!!! So, I paid out just under $200 for 19 panels (brand new at Lowes they cost around $36!!!) and 30 posts (at Lowes they cost around $7!!!). So, we saved a BUNCH of money! We're going to use Lowes for the panels (as many as we need or can afford, whichever ends/comes first. ^_^) and galvenized screws cause their pricing beat out Home Depot. But I'm glad to save as much as I have cause it's more likely we'll be able to get the whole fence up now than it seemed before!
So, hopefully we'll have the whole fence up within the next month or so. Given that Jess only has one whole day off each week, that's a pretty high hope... but God can make it happen!
Do you have any huge projects pending? What is your pressure/incentive to get it done?
Hope to hear from you!
tori
Still, with the wood we do have, we could fence a good portion of our yard with some new crossbeams (I'm not sure if that's actually what they are called, but I'm referring to the pieces that are horizontal with the ground and hold all the perpendicular pieces of wood together).
Thanks to Craigslist, I was blessed to find a fencing place that sells used fence panels for $5 each. Yesterday I had a plan for Jess and me to have a long date (with Jimmy along) to go pick out and purchase any good ones we could find there. The place is in Orlando, so it'd be a good trip there and back plus loading of panels.... That fell through. But last night, when I was wracking my brain to come up with a plan to get our fence back up, Grammy Jo called. She suggested that she could come over to watch the girls and I could go with Butch to get the panels - basically my plan was still in tact, but I'd be traveling with my "adoptive" Dad instead of Jessie.
I've felt a good deal of pressure to get our fence up for a while.
#1 Reason To Get The Fence Back Up: Father has impressed Jessie that we need to develop multiple streams of income so that we are not reliant upon only one. I have felt impressed that using our land and fulfilling some of the self-suficiency goals He has inspired in my heart is meant also to become productive to fulfilling the inspiration Jessie has received. We need to contain the chickens. And I don't prefer to work with an audience. Pressure to get that fence up.
#2 Reason: Currently, I have to plan my day around our neighbor's schedule. WHY!?? Well, I, personally, do not prefer to work with an audience watching and questioning me. To avoid an audience, I must work outside when the neighbor children are NOT home. I do not like having to plan my day around their school day. I would like to feel that I can go into my yard and do what I want, when I want (within reason, of course!). I cannot currently do this and it is amazingly frustrating. Also, because the fence is NOT up, the children randomly run through the yard. This is a problem because I'm hyper aware of our property... especially as a result of March's events in a neighbor's back yard. So, when I see someone or something moving in my yard, it is very interruptive! I don't want random people - even just children - running through my yard. I want them to ask permission to come and play - like at the front door. Not just run over cause my kids are out. Okay, so I'm very protective. If you heard how these kids' Grama yells, you might want to supervise your children's play with her grandkids! My kids don't cuss. I don't want them to LEARN how to cuss (any more than they already have from their Daddy's slips!!). And I definitely don't want them to think it's cool cause their peer does it. Yes, they are sheltered. This is one of the bonus benefits of homeschooling. I get to bless my children with purity in their childhood!!! I guard their purity and will continue to do so as long as possible. Doesn't Father God WANT us to do this? I think so! Pressure to get that fence up.
#3 Reason: Our neighbor (second house down) was robbed twice in six days last month. His back fence was knocked down by the power company a while back and he hasn't got it back up, so his back yard was open and accessible to observation and foot traffic. The result: some crooks stole everything they could move quickly to sell - plus the trailer they loaded it on! I've been feeling quite concerned about our home since then. I'm not so worried about our garage. But I AM worried that said crooks may see a door to our home open (since we do leave a door open for the cool night air - to cool off the house from the heat of the day) and think it's an open invitation to take what they want. (Read: my biggest concern is that they would take one or all of my girls or harm any of our persons - especially since the door that is open is right into our bedroom.) BIG pressure to get that fence up.
#4 Reason: We have lots of unsightly fence posts sticking out of the ground with no fence actually ON them. It looks WAY white trash. :( A good friend of mine once said something about "white trashy-ness" to me and, obviously, it's stuck with me cause now that I have any way of doing anything about whether something "mine" is deemed such by me, I totally do NOT want to look out and see something that makes me think "white trash"!!! *sigh* I know my worth has nothing to do with my yard, but I DO want to be a good steward and I want to feel good about the blessings Father has given. Pressure to put the fence up.
Talk about some pressure, right?!!
Thankfully we have a little bit left from our tax return. After paying for Jimmy's birth and covering some escroe expense, it's a lot less than I was hoping for... I'm not sure how we're buying the next round of school stuff. I DO think we'll have enoug hin out regular budget to purchase some relatively soon... I was just hoping to use our income to get our alternate streams up and working. *sigh* I'm sure Father will work out whatever I cannot figure out right now! I think, though, that what we have left just MIGHT be enough to get the whole yard encompassed about by privacy fencing (with gates! as a result of the trip today). This may be possible, BUT only because I was able to buy 19 panels (not all of them 8 feet long... but the amount of wood I bought I could've NEVER got for what I paid!!). I also bought 30 posts, 10 of which I'll leave in the trailer I borrowed from my neighbor. He'll need to buy at least 5 times that many to put his fence up, but since they were $3 each, I think we both got a good deal from my borrowing his trailer. :) I DO hope he feels that way!!! So, I paid out just under $200 for 19 panels (brand new at Lowes they cost around $36!!!) and 30 posts (at Lowes they cost around $7!!!). So, we saved a BUNCH of money! We're going to use Lowes for the panels (as many as we need or can afford, whichever ends/comes first. ^_^) and galvenized screws cause their pricing beat out Home Depot. But I'm glad to save as much as I have cause it's more likely we'll be able to get the whole fence up now than it seemed before!
So, hopefully we'll have the whole fence up within the next month or so. Given that Jess only has one whole day off each week, that's a pretty high hope... but God can make it happen!
Do you have any huge projects pending? What is your pressure/incentive to get it done?
Hope to hear from you!
tori
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Reading
I've been reading a bit lately and wanted to share a bit about it.
First, I finished Pride And Prejudice
by Jane Austin again. Love it! More recently, I finished Managers Of Their Homes: A Practical Guide To Daily Scheduling For Christian Home-School Families
and Redeeming the Time by the Maxwells. The latter is written specifically for men and I did buy it FOR Jessie, but after I finished the former, I felt REALLY hard-hearted about this whols scheduling thing I really HAVE been feeling led to implement. So, I started reading Redeeming the Time in hopes that it would soften my heart and help me follow through on this thing that I know Father wants me to work on. It has helped. I put the schedule together for the girls and me tonight. MAN it takes a long time! I read that it's be a big investment at the outset, but sheesh! As I understand it, though, it's an investment and I'll see the dividends very quickly - if not immediately. Now, it would be AWESOME if Jess could work reasonable hours so I could get the sleep I have planned in the schedule! *sigh*
I started another book today and was totally laughing out loud in the very first pages!!! (Seriously, I hadn't even started reading the actual BOOK! I was laughing out loud while reading the Introduction! ^_^) It's called: Your Girl: Raising a Godly Daughter in an Ungodly World
by Vicki Courtney. I'm really looking forward to reading this one.
Have I mentioned that we've been working to have Family Reading Time each night? We've read Great Expectations
already. I was amazed at how MUCH Ria loved it. She talked about Pip and Estella at various times throughout the day - especially once we were half-way through the book. Currently we're reading Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, which Ria also really loves. It's so neat to hear her talk about these characters.
What have you been reading lately and how did you like it?
First, I finished Pride And Prejudice
by Jane Austin again. Love it! More recently, I finished Managers Of Their Homes: A Practical Guide To Daily Scheduling For Christian Home-School Families and Redeeming the Time by the Maxwells. The latter is written specifically for men and I did buy it FOR Jessie, but after I finished the former, I felt REALLY hard-hearted about this whols scheduling thing I really HAVE been feeling led to implement. So, I started reading Redeeming the Time in hopes that it would soften my heart and help me follow through on this thing that I know Father wants me to work on. It has helped. I put the schedule together for the girls and me tonight. MAN it takes a long time! I read that it's be a big investment at the outset, but sheesh! As I understand it, though, it's an investment and I'll see the dividends very quickly - if not immediately. Now, it would be AWESOME if Jess could work reasonable hours so I could get the sleep I have planned in the schedule! *sigh*I started another book today and was totally laughing out loud in the very first pages!!! (Seriously, I hadn't even started reading the actual BOOK! I was laughing out loud while reading the Introduction! ^_^) It's called: Your Girl: Raising a Godly Daughter in an Ungodly World
by Vicki Courtney. I'm really looking forward to reading this one.Have I mentioned that we've been working to have Family Reading Time each night? We've read Great Expectations
already. I was amazed at how MUCH Ria loved it. She talked about Pip and Estella at various times throughout the day - especially once we were half-way through the book. Currently we're reading Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, which Ria also really loves. It's so neat to hear her talk about these characters.What have you been reading lately and how did you like it?
Friday, April 1, 2011
How to Give a Newborn a Haircut
Very slowly. :)
So, Jess said something pretty recently (before Jimmy was born) that REALLY stuck with me. He told me that he hated to have hair on his ears. (Not the old man kind, though I'm sure he would HATE that, too... but the kind that grows from the head and is just sorts resting on or brushing on the tops of his ears). So, when Jimmy came along and I was really noticing his hair (day 2 or 3) I realized that his hair was brushing the tops of his ears. And I thought, "Oh, I want my boy to be like his Daddy and NOT like hair on his ears... so I think I need to cut his hair soon." I should've started when he was a week old, but I wasn't able to focus and I was still super tired. So I started on his two week birthday. And I finished a few days later - for the most part.
If you don't know how to cut a boy's hair, you may not understand what I'm going to describe... please forgive me. If you DO know, then hopefully this will make perfect sense. And, honestly, even if you don't know how already, I hope it makes sense! ^_^
I started on that first day with just cutting in his ears. In case you're not sure what I mean, I combed his hair down and folded his ear down (after I knew where to cut) and cut the hair around his ears so it would NOT touch his ear when they were upright. That was difficult enough because Jimmy was awake most of the time.
As a result of that experience, I highly recommend that you make sure your baby is sleeping quite soundly when you attempt to cut his hair. Jimmy was asleep the next few times I cut his hair and it went SO much more easily.
When cutting the length off of the hairs around the hairline (above the ears and around the back of the head), you need to hold each section of hair between two fingers (index and middle) with fingertips pointing either to the hairline or the top of the head, depending on which side you're working on and whether you are right or left-handed. A section of hair consists of a smallish rectangle running from top to bottom of the area in which you're working. Make sure you do NOT make your sections from side to side. This will result in stairsteps along the child's head. You can ask my brothers! :( Poor boys. They allowed me to cut their hair before I was trained!
So, I started cutting around Jimmy's head on Monday and finished on Tuesday. Altogether it took about an hour... but that also included the line around the back of his hairline. So, including around his ears, it probably took me a good hour and 45 minutes. I'm hoping for a shorter cut next time! Oh, and I didn't cut the top at all cause it looks really cute all on its own and it's not TOO long yet.
Let me know if you experiment with cutting a newborn's hair sometime soon! ;)
Talk to ya later,
tori
P.S.
If you'd like to check out a homeschool carnival click on the link below. I think it's clickable, anyway. :) I linked one of my recent posts there. If you read here regularly, you've already read it. But the whole carnival is pretty cool. ^_^
So, Jess said something pretty recently (before Jimmy was born) that REALLY stuck with me. He told me that he hated to have hair on his ears. (Not the old man kind, though I'm sure he would HATE that, too... but the kind that grows from the head and is just sorts resting on or brushing on the tops of his ears). So, when Jimmy came along and I was really noticing his hair (day 2 or 3) I realized that his hair was brushing the tops of his ears. And I thought, "Oh, I want my boy to be like his Daddy and NOT like hair on his ears... so I think I need to cut his hair soon." I should've started when he was a week old, but I wasn't able to focus and I was still super tired. So I started on his two week birthday. And I finished a few days later - for the most part.
If you don't know how to cut a boy's hair, you may not understand what I'm going to describe... please forgive me. If you DO know, then hopefully this will make perfect sense. And, honestly, even if you don't know how already, I hope it makes sense! ^_^
I started on that first day with just cutting in his ears. In case you're not sure what I mean, I combed his hair down and folded his ear down (after I knew where to cut) and cut the hair around his ears so it would NOT touch his ear when they were upright. That was difficult enough because Jimmy was awake most of the time.
As a result of that experience, I highly recommend that you make sure your baby is sleeping quite soundly when you attempt to cut his hair. Jimmy was asleep the next few times I cut his hair and it went SO much more easily.
When cutting the length off of the hairs around the hairline (above the ears and around the back of the head), you need to hold each section of hair between two fingers (index and middle) with fingertips pointing either to the hairline or the top of the head, depending on which side you're working on and whether you are right or left-handed. A section of hair consists of a smallish rectangle running from top to bottom of the area in which you're working. Make sure you do NOT make your sections from side to side. This will result in stairsteps along the child's head. You can ask my brothers! :( Poor boys. They allowed me to cut their hair before I was trained!
So, I started cutting around Jimmy's head on Monday and finished on Tuesday. Altogether it took about an hour... but that also included the line around the back of his hairline. So, including around his ears, it probably took me a good hour and 45 minutes. I'm hoping for a shorter cut next time! Oh, and I didn't cut the top at all cause it looks really cute all on its own and it's not TOO long yet.
Let me know if you experiment with cutting a newborn's hair sometime soon! ;)
Talk to ya later,
tori
P.S.
If you'd like to check out a homeschool carnival click on the link below. I think it's clickable, anyway. :) I linked one of my recent posts there. If you read here regularly, you've already read it. But the whole carnival is pretty cool. ^_^
Thursday, March 24, 2011
The Rollercoaster
I used to write poetry a lot. I love poetry. I'm not, however, a great poet. I just enjoy words. Love words, really. And no wonder... you may recognize the idea that someone created all with the Word and the Word is God. So, no wonder I love words! God used them and is IN them! :) And I DEFINITELY Love Him!! ^_^
My point? Well, I was just reading somewhere about the catastrophes in Japan. From there, my brain, whilst still reading about the earthquakes and tsunami, went on a tangent of its own. And in my mind's eye I saw a rollercoaster. I wrote a poem some years ago about the "rollercoaster ride of life." So, my mind was focused on this coaster from my poem and sort of comparing my experience of it then and now.
The ride has not become less. By that I mean that the ups and downs have not evened out. The loop-de-loops, the climbs and drops, the speed of the whole thing... it has NOT settled down. If anything it has accelerated. Yet, somehow (and I DO know how!) my experience of it is as if the "screaming" drops have become shorter... or less scream-inducing. The loop-de-loops, while still loopy, don't feel so stomach stirring. And the speed... well, that is what it is, but it feels really tolerable now (at higher speeds) than it did when I wrote the poem and the speeds were not nearly so high.
For instance, way back when I was most concerned about me. Selfish singlehood. The grain of wheat lives unto itself and dies alone. Now my greatest concerns circle around my man, while my days and attentions are consumed by my four little satellites. Selfless motherhood. The grain of wheat dies to self and in death lives as more.
While my mind was traveling it's tangent, I had the exquisite epiphany that Christ is my cushion, my anchor, my semi-truck! I know this, generally, but this tiny revelation was such a gift this morning. You see, on this rollercoaster in my mind, I'm never subjected more to the full plunges of the high speed drops because my Savior catches me before I fall far. He sees the drop-a-coming and places Himself when I need Him to catch me and becomes my cushion. He fills in the valleys and lets me back on the tracks at the next rise. And the rises are more pleasant, too. The climbs to them are still slow and sometimes very difficult, but even during the climbs I'm able to see the benefit of the struggle because HE is with me!
During the loop-de-loops, He is my anchor. He holds me firmly in my seat and acts as my own personal gravity for me in my own little world so not even an hair on my head need experience the pull of the upside-down-ness of life for one in and of the world! I'm trying to live in fulfillment of being in the world, but not OF the world. Definitely not always easy, but TOTALLY worth it during the loop-de-loops!! ;)
And the speed. Well, I DID already say that the speed of the ride is what it is. But my experience of it IS different. Again, the reason is Christ. He goes before me and acts as a shield, like a semi-truck in front of a little car traveling down the highway. He breaks the wind before me and makes my way smooth. So, while I can and do perceive the speed (wow... that cow looked like a blur!), I don't FEEL it in the same way that I did when I was not trusting in the Lord for and about all things.
This has been a super helpful tanget with relvelation for me cause I'm feeling ever more lonely for my Jessie. In the last week the only times we've REALLY been able to talk are on the phone. I try to stay up to see him at night, but I'm so tired from just being... that I fall asleep before he gets home and cannot seem to rouse myself when I know he's there. And he doesn't wake me. So, I've been feeling alone. I'm not. There are visitors who love us and show us so MUCH... but not Jessie. I'm lonely for my honey. I ache to watch him with his son and interact with his girls while holding his boy.... It'll come. I keep telling myself. Just like Father had in mind to prosper us after the difficulty of under and un-employment, He has in mind that we will have more time as a family. We've felt this to be true. So I just have to be patient and faithful. Oh, so very hard sometimes. So, I'm grateful for the imagery of the rollercoaster and seeing how it applies even now. :)
My point? Well, I was just reading somewhere about the catastrophes in Japan. From there, my brain, whilst still reading about the earthquakes and tsunami, went on a tangent of its own. And in my mind's eye I saw a rollercoaster. I wrote a poem some years ago about the "rollercoaster ride of life." So, my mind was focused on this coaster from my poem and sort of comparing my experience of it then and now.
The ride has not become less. By that I mean that the ups and downs have not evened out. The loop-de-loops, the climbs and drops, the speed of the whole thing... it has NOT settled down. If anything it has accelerated. Yet, somehow (and I DO know how!) my experience of it is as if the "screaming" drops have become shorter... or less scream-inducing. The loop-de-loops, while still loopy, don't feel so stomach stirring. And the speed... well, that is what it is, but it feels really tolerable now (at higher speeds) than it did when I wrote the poem and the speeds were not nearly so high.
For instance, way back when I was most concerned about me. Selfish singlehood. The grain of wheat lives unto itself and dies alone. Now my greatest concerns circle around my man, while my days and attentions are consumed by my four little satellites. Selfless motherhood. The grain of wheat dies to self and in death lives as more.
While my mind was traveling it's tangent, I had the exquisite epiphany that Christ is my cushion, my anchor, my semi-truck! I know this, generally, but this tiny revelation was such a gift this morning. You see, on this rollercoaster in my mind, I'm never subjected more to the full plunges of the high speed drops because my Savior catches me before I fall far. He sees the drop-a-coming and places Himself when I need Him to catch me and becomes my cushion. He fills in the valleys and lets me back on the tracks at the next rise. And the rises are more pleasant, too. The climbs to them are still slow and sometimes very difficult, but even during the climbs I'm able to see the benefit of the struggle because HE is with me!
During the loop-de-loops, He is my anchor. He holds me firmly in my seat and acts as my own personal gravity for me in my own little world so not even an hair on my head need experience the pull of the upside-down-ness of life for one in and of the world! I'm trying to live in fulfillment of being in the world, but not OF the world. Definitely not always easy, but TOTALLY worth it during the loop-de-loops!! ;)
And the speed. Well, I DID already say that the speed of the ride is what it is. But my experience of it IS different. Again, the reason is Christ. He goes before me and acts as a shield, like a semi-truck in front of a little car traveling down the highway. He breaks the wind before me and makes my way smooth. So, while I can and do perceive the speed (wow... that cow looked like a blur!), I don't FEEL it in the same way that I did when I was not trusting in the Lord for and about all things.
This has been a super helpful tanget with relvelation for me cause I'm feeling ever more lonely for my Jessie. In the last week the only times we've REALLY been able to talk are on the phone. I try to stay up to see him at night, but I'm so tired from just being... that I fall asleep before he gets home and cannot seem to rouse myself when I know he's there. And he doesn't wake me. So, I've been feeling alone. I'm not. There are visitors who love us and show us so MUCH... but not Jessie. I'm lonely for my honey. I ache to watch him with his son and interact with his girls while holding his boy.... It'll come. I keep telling myself. Just like Father had in mind to prosper us after the difficulty of under and un-employment, He has in mind that we will have more time as a family. We've felt this to be true. So I just have to be patient and faithful. Oh, so very hard sometimes. So, I'm grateful for the imagery of the rollercoaster and seeing how it applies even now. :)
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Comparing
The following is one of my more recentl Lessons of Life. I hope you enjoy it!
I know we’re told in diverse places and innumerable ways, including over the pulpit, that we should not compare ourselves to others. Elder Holland does not use the word ‘compare,’ or any of its forms, in the following quote, which I LOVE, but the message to avoid comparing seems implied me, “Who is it that whispers so subtly in our ear that a gift given to another somehow diminishes the blessings we have received? Who makes us feel that if God is smiling on another, then He surely must somehow be frowning on us? You and I both know who does this—it is the father of all lies.. I am convinced the commandment not to covet is meant to keep us from hurting ourselves… Brothers and sisters, I testify that no one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us—insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all. He doesn’t measure our talents or our looks; He doesn’t measure our professions or our possessions. He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other. I know that if we will be faithful, there is a perfectly tailored robe of righteousness ready and waiting for everyone, ‘robes … made … white in the blood of the Lamb.’ May we encourage each other in our effort to win that prize is my earnest prayer..”
Even though I know the words in this quote are truth, yet I believe that the Spirit has taught me how we can use comparison as a tool to our benefit both today temporally and for our everlasting eternal salvation. Nephi tells us, “and liken them [the scriptures] unto yourselves, that ye may have hope as well as your brethren from whom ye have been broken off; (1Nephi 19: 24).” To ‘liken’ is a way of making comparison, so I like to consider that as a sort of scriptural confirmation of the lesson I’ve received via the Spirit about comparing, even though I acknowledge that Nephi was referring to the scriptures and not necessarily others’ lives.
To illustrate:
My Mom helped Jessie and me we moved to Florida. She wanted to visit the Orlando temple since we were so close and she’d never been. So we made the trip, four hours back and forth. My youngest (second daughter) at the time was just barely more than 3 weeks old. So I couldn’t be away from her for very long at all, much less two hours. Instead my Mom and I simply went into the temple and sat in the waiting area beyond the entrance desk. I was IN the temple within a week of moving to Florida.
By the end of our first month in Florida, a beautiful young woman, Sister Sokoloff, was called to be a Relief Society teacher. She was NEWLY married, hubby was a member, had no children, had a job, and her life looked gloriously unencumbered to me. Her life was unencumbered as I compared my life with hers. My life consisted of: non-member hubby, 2 children (one a very new newborn), boxes to unpack, a new home to figure out, etc. The first time Lynn taught, she made mention of the fact that she made a point of getting to the temple once a month because we were so very close at only two hours one-way.
My heart felt to expand within me as I groped inwardly toward a hope that maybe I could make a monthly temple trip work, too. Almost immediately the deceiver’s team was at work in me and I was convinced of the complexity of my life and the fact that it would be impossible to make monthly temple trips work with my family. I felt let down and sad, but reasoned that I needed to accept the difficulties of my life and move on from there.
It was probably exactly a month from that first lesson that Sister Sokoloff taught again. Once more she mentioned her monthly temple trips. Once more I felt the expansion within and following quickly upon it the “argument” that I couldn’t possibly make it work. But this time the something that had expanded within me was stronger, I think, and suggested – totally non-argumentatively – that I could try to get to the temple THAT month, in which case I would have been two months in a row… and then I could just try to do it month by month and try for a year.
That was more than 4 years ago. It hasn’t been easy to get to the temple every month. That first May I didn’t get to the temple until the 31st. And when we did go, Jess was at work and I was with the girls. We took a picnic, at it on the grounds, used the bathrooms and left. We WENT to the temple, though, and since my goal has always been to impress upon my girls the reality and importance of the temple, above all, just GETTING there was an accomplishment that month because the deceiver was working on us overtime. I’m sure the reason is that May would have been 6 months of Florida temple trips… a rather big accomplishment for me and if he could’ve tripped me up then, I may have given up entirely!
I have attended the temple faithfully, and monthly, since. What’s more, my non-member hubby has accompanied me once a month to make it possible for our children to attend the temple once each month, too. Since we moved a little closer to the temple in May 2010, I felt prompted that we should increase our attendance.
If you have no experience of being the member in a part-member family, I cannot describe to you how difficult it is sometimes for me to suggest greater effort for MY faith on my husband’s part. I finally did. I asked Jessie if we could change the temple goal to going two times a month, once a quarter, and continue once monthly the rest of the year. He said “sure,” but in a way that didn’t sound pleased to me. Since my husband doesn’t say much, I’m left to figure him out on my own. I didn’t feel courageous enough to pursue the request beyond that. So, we simply continued our monthly trips in May, June, July, August, and September.
October rolled around and my Mom came to visit. Jess, the girls, and I had already been to the temple for our monthly trip. My Mom expressed a desire to do an endowment session with me and I asked Jess if we could. He was cool with it and really excited to show what adventures he and the girls romp on while I’m in the temple. So, we went to the temple twice in October. It was wonderful! November came and we went to the temple in the first week, after which I felt pressure within to ask my hubby if we could go again for November and try to go twice in December, too, to sort of “pay back” my/our goal for the year… or, in other words, catch up on the trips we’d missed. He said sure. But this time it felt like he was really okay with it… OR, maybe I just wanted it more so I made sure to follow up on the agreed upon request. I don’t know which, really. But we did it. So, since we moved in to our new home during the second quarter of the year, we met the goal I’d asked him if we could set for 2010!!!
Because we’ll have a new baby in March 2011, I asked Jess if we could make two family temple trips in January and then not worry about another ‘double month’ until the end of the second quarter (June). So, we went the first week of this month, January 2011. I went alone the next week (last week). And we went as a family again yesterday. Next week I’m going to go alone again… for a good reason. I asked him to allow me a personal goal of weekly temple trips until the baby is born. In combination with some nutrition changes from previous pregnancies, I’m hoping and expecting that the added store of spiritual strength, acquired through my more than normal temple attendance, will enable me to enjoy my postpartum period with NO postpartum depression. This is a pretty extreme expectation on my part because it would be a first given that I experience severe PPD for at least 7 months after #1, 5 months after baby #2, and 3 months after baby #3. Since the severity of my experiences have decreased by two months each time, down to 3 months of PPD after my last baby’s birth, I feel confident that Father God is working out a miracle in my body. And if you know anything about the science surrounding postpartum depression, you know what a God-thing the decreasing experience of PPD for me is!
The point of all this is NOT bragging rights. That’s what so many people misunderstand about me. My point to all of this is #1 the only reason I attempted to make these sorts of goals in the first place is because I compared myself to someone else and upon the second comparison chose INSPIRATION over desperation! That’s the lesson of the Spirit on Comparing, in my understanding. We are meant to use comparison as a tool of INSPIRATION rather than DESPERATION. And that when we do so, led by the Spirit, we will increase in knowledge, wisdom, understanding, spirituality, and all the other Good Gifts administered by same. There are any number of other experiences that have been inspired by comparing, too! It’s a valuable tool in the Spirit’s tool box of improving us, I believe. My #2 point is: If I can do it… ANYone can do it! I mean, look at me, look at my life, if I, TORI, can make this kind of thing work (any of the good things in my life!), anyone else can, too!!! Unfortunately too many people have refused to understand my meaning. I pray you will, though, and see the things in my life that could provide inspiration for you in your journey to Eternal Salvation. This is my prayer.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Royalty
In my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are some people that we (the members of the church) pretty much treat as Royalty. The people we think of and treat as Royalty are the leaders of the church, generally. Specifically, the Prophet and his councelors (also known as The First Presicency), the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, and all Members of the Quorums of the Seventy as well as the other organizations' leaders, like Relief Society Presidency, Young Women's Presidency, and so forth.
This past weekend (today and yesterday) was Stake Conference, which happens every 6 months. This time, though, regularly attending members were all abluster and excited (including me) because Elder David A. Bednar, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, and Elder Cornish, an Area Authority Seventy for the North America Southeast Area were scheduled to come to our Conference. When I birthed Jimmy a week before the first meeting of Conference, I was sure I would not be able to make any of the meetings (I'd already given up the idea of the Saturday night meeting because of Jessie's hours at work) since I would definitely NOT be able to take the girls and a new baby to church for two hours of sitting still by myself (not to mention that I couldn't drive myself!). Additionally, I've felt impressed that I should really try to limit outside exposure to my new baby. So, taking him in public like that seemed unlikely to be a good idea. That thought made the fact that it wasn't really possible easier to handle.
And then my Bishop called to tell me about the meeting for New Converts and Investigators before the main Conference. An early morning meeting specially for people like Jessie (and their partners/friends). And I just felt super hopeful that, maybe, just maybe Jessie could get to work a little later that day than normal. So, I asked him. And he talked to his boss. And... he was able to go to work for 2pm... which meant we'd be able to stay for the whole Conference!
As it happened, I couldn't stay for the whole Conference because of the messy after-effects of baby birthing. But we made the early meeting and an hour of the main meeting, which I thoroughly enjoyed... though I honestly cannot remember much of it. My post pregnancy brain: a sieve!
So, since I can't remember much of the Conference... why this post? Well, I wanted to share some thoughts I had over this past week... and, in particular, last night.
Last night I was thinking. My brain IS starting to get back in gear, so I'm starting to THINK a bit more - it's been sorta painful... the whole THINKING... rather than just starting adoringly at Jimmy and trying to call Tea Tea instead of Kat! ^_^
In the thinking, I was puzzling over why I felt so excited over the visiting leadership. Why was it that we (the regularly attending members of the Church) feel that we're being visited by someone Royal. Cause, really, it's a bit more than mere famousness... we treat them with more reverence? than someone of "just" celebrity would merit. And as I pondered on my silliness over the prospect of being in a small meeting with Elder Bednar and even maybe meeting him!, I perceived some answer to my pondering. And it goes something like this:
We are ALL of Royal birth. We are children of Heavenly Father and sons and daughters of Christ as we take His name upon us - He is King of King, Lord of Lords and as His children we are truly Royal. We are His/Their Heirs - in truth. There can never be too many Princes and Princesses because our Father will have mansions prepared for everyone who has lived so as to merit, THROUGH CHRIST'S MERITS, such. And so, we are all potentially Royal. There is something that we all regocnize in the leadership of the church. We recognize it and honor it - and thus, we honor the individuals who posess what we recognize. What do we recognize? Individuals striving to live up to their potential in truth and soberness. We recognize their Royalty because they are a bit (a bit = leaps and bounds ahead!) closer to it than we are (reference previous parenthesis and then realize that's how much farther ahead they are from ME, but this is not to my consternation, but rather inspiration!). And we honor them for their efforts and we strive to be like them - as we recognize in them "easier" models of Christ-like behavior. 'Cause when it comes right down to it, Christ is, of course, the perfect model for everything and everyone all the time... but the perfection sometimes makes looking to Him rather difficulty - at least, for me it does. It's often easier for me to see another person's example as they work on climbing their own ladder, as easier to emulate than the perfection that is Christ.
So, while Elder Bednar and Elder Cornish are truly "just guys"... they are also much more because they are striving to deserve, even though they know they never can or will of themselves deserve, the mansions they hope for in the Kingdom of our God. And THAT is definitely worthy of some reverence... and some Royal treatment! ^_^
This past weekend (today and yesterday) was Stake Conference, which happens every 6 months. This time, though, regularly attending members were all abluster and excited (including me) because Elder David A. Bednar, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, and Elder Cornish, an Area Authority Seventy for the North America Southeast Area were scheduled to come to our Conference. When I birthed Jimmy a week before the first meeting of Conference, I was sure I would not be able to make any of the meetings (I'd already given up the idea of the Saturday night meeting because of Jessie's hours at work) since I would definitely NOT be able to take the girls and a new baby to church for two hours of sitting still by myself (not to mention that I couldn't drive myself!). Additionally, I've felt impressed that I should really try to limit outside exposure to my new baby. So, taking him in public like that seemed unlikely to be a good idea. That thought made the fact that it wasn't really possible easier to handle.
And then my Bishop called to tell me about the meeting for New Converts and Investigators before the main Conference. An early morning meeting specially for people like Jessie (and their partners/friends). And I just felt super hopeful that, maybe, just maybe Jessie could get to work a little later that day than normal. So, I asked him. And he talked to his boss. And... he was able to go to work for 2pm... which meant we'd be able to stay for the whole Conference!
As it happened, I couldn't stay for the whole Conference because of the messy after-effects of baby birthing. But we made the early meeting and an hour of the main meeting, which I thoroughly enjoyed... though I honestly cannot remember much of it. My post pregnancy brain: a sieve!
So, since I can't remember much of the Conference... why this post? Well, I wanted to share some thoughts I had over this past week... and, in particular, last night.
Last night I was thinking. My brain IS starting to get back in gear, so I'm starting to THINK a bit more - it's been sorta painful... the whole THINKING... rather than just starting adoringly at Jimmy and trying to call Tea Tea instead of Kat! ^_^
In the thinking, I was puzzling over why I felt so excited over the visiting leadership. Why was it that we (the regularly attending members of the Church) feel that we're being visited by someone Royal. Cause, really, it's a bit more than mere famousness... we treat them with more reverence? than someone of "just" celebrity would merit. And as I pondered on my silliness over the prospect of being in a small meeting with Elder Bednar and even maybe meeting him!, I perceived some answer to my pondering. And it goes something like this:
We are ALL of Royal birth. We are children of Heavenly Father and sons and daughters of Christ as we take His name upon us - He is King of King, Lord of Lords and as His children we are truly Royal. We are His/Their Heirs - in truth. There can never be too many Princes and Princesses because our Father will have mansions prepared for everyone who has lived so as to merit, THROUGH CHRIST'S MERITS, such. And so, we are all potentially Royal. There is something that we all regocnize in the leadership of the church. We recognize it and honor it - and thus, we honor the individuals who posess what we recognize. What do we recognize? Individuals striving to live up to their potential in truth and soberness. We recognize their Royalty because they are a bit (a bit = leaps and bounds ahead!) closer to it than we are (reference previous parenthesis and then realize that's how much farther ahead they are from ME, but this is not to my consternation, but rather inspiration!). And we honor them for their efforts and we strive to be like them - as we recognize in them "easier" models of Christ-like behavior. 'Cause when it comes right down to it, Christ is, of course, the perfect model for everything and everyone all the time... but the perfection sometimes makes looking to Him rather difficulty - at least, for me it does. It's often easier for me to see another person's example as they work on climbing their own ladder, as easier to emulate than the perfection that is Christ.
So, while Elder Bednar and Elder Cornish are truly "just guys"... they are also much more because they are striving to deserve, even though they know they never can or will of themselves deserve, the mansions they hope for in the Kingdom of our God. And THAT is definitely worthy of some reverence... and some Royal treatment! ^_^
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Weakness Made Strong
Since I've turned to the Lord and been working to straighten my life to His plan for me, I've been blessed by so many experiences that strengthen my testimony of simple, yet powerful, Gospel Principles. In my opinion, the whole birth process, and especially natural birthing (my opinion, of course), is probably one of the most condensed opportunities for women and their men to experience "full-circle" testimony building "mini-lives." It certainly seems like it to me after this, my fourth, experience of such!
Lest anyone think I'm some sort of superwoman (cause I have long and, at least at the end, really painful baby-birthing experiences), I feel to share some of my weakness which will then illustrate how Father made me strong... at least, I hope you'll understand it as I do. :)
I felt pretty good about everything and really didn't experience any "pain" resulting from contractions until more than half-way into the process of birthing Jimmy. That means that the painful time started well after the arrival of my midwife, her assistants, and my friends to care for my girls (later than 10am). I did need to breathe through the contractions starting around 4am, probably. But they really were not painful unless I was totally caught off guard.
Even after they got a bit painful, they were manageable if I focused well. And when I prayed while I focused, the pain melted away. I was able to continue in that way until around 5pm, I think. Maybe it was a little earlier or later, but around then I just got TIRED. And with the fatigue came a lesser ability to focus. And with that lesser ability to focus came the whispers of doubt. Doubt about my body being capeable. Doubt about whether the baby was faring well - even though I heard, for myself, his strong STEADY heartbeat! Doubt about any and everything that I could doubt, really. And doubt, you most certainly know, is only able to exist where Faith is lacking. Faith and doubt, like Faith and Fear, cannot co-exist in the same mind at the same time. And so I am weak. You see it, I hope. How my lack is weakness.
I've said it often enough, but I think, because it sounds like a joke, that people think I'm JUST joking. I say: "If I were one of Jesus's Disciples at the time of His ministry, we would not now say 'Doubting Thomas,' we would say, 'Doubting Tori'." I struggle with doubt almost constantly... though not nearly as constantly today as a few years ago. How is such a change as THAT possible? Certainly not because of any strength I inherently possess, else I would've resolved my doubter's tendancy long before turning to Christ! I know the only way to true and lasting Change is in and through Christ, Jesus. Only His merits can save - redeem - change us!
So, while laboring... I started to ask if I could go to the hospital. Yes. I did. I only ever asked Father 'cause I was afraid my pain combined with the voicing of the question would cause Jess to faulter in his firmness and steadiness in supporting me. Thankfully our Lord knows the end from the beginning and He told me very firmly and immediately after each request that I should stay home and everything would work out well. Now... please note here that I asked more than once. If I was a truly Faithful and strong woman, I would have asked once and trusted. No, not I. I asked MANY times. I don't know how many 'cause I lost count after the third time in the haze of labor-land. But even "just" three... seriously!?? I laugh, a bit hysterically and only internally, at my Faithlessness. What a lame chick I am! And I am weak.
What resolved the weakness? Prayer. Father. I gave up. I was defeated by myself. I was defeated and weak and unable to continue any longer or go any farther. And I told Father God all of it. And as I released my effort, He stepped in to make me more. As a result of His greater presence in me, I did things differently because I felt I must - I was led to do what needed to be done, I believe. I walked. I showered. I sat on the potty. And then I tried to take over and layed myself down in fatigue.
Eventually, I gave it all up again. The second time around was when Karen directed me to the funny position. But even then I didn't give up as completely as I should've until Jessie told me that after the next two contractions I would get up to do the position Karen had described. He urged me and I obeyed. I'm so thankful for His strength as my Patriarch and Partner during our labor for Jimmy! So, I did rise. I think I probably waited one extra contraction just cause I was being stubborn... but I did rise and stood in the funny position. And I walked. And I showered. And then I told Karen that I had to lay down, she had to check me. I knew the baby would come soon. None of that effort was me alone. Of course, I hadn't been physically alone the whole day, but I'd been relying on my own strength all too often.
Obviously, you know the rest of the story. :)
I know one of the most important lessons from this "mini-life" of Jimmy's birth experience (and my birth into being a Mother of four) is that I must rely more fully, more completely, and with more trust, on the Lord. How else can a girl get through this world with all its craziness and tread through the fear others would lay at her feet? I know I am weak, so I cannot do it without the lifting Grace of God. I am weak. And as I recognize my weakness, He lifts me to be more. To be made strong in and through Christ.
I believe we cannot progress well in this life with any semblence of peace, grace, or goodness unless we are supported from on High. I believe this so strongly because I know both sides of the effort. I was a non-believer - aetheist, then agnostic, then Christian, and then, as now, specifically Mormon Christian. I know I cannot be in Peace and face the world. I need the Angles (both heavenly and earth-bound) to bear me up lest I dash my toe... and as I recognize this, my need, and accept the help Father always provides in His time; my Peace, Faith, and Hope grow as I feel the Love of the Lord through the ministrations of His Angels. And, OH! SO many angels have been ministering to me and my family!!! What a gift! What a pleasure and JOY to feel so concretely the Love of our Father in Heaven!!!!
I'm so very grateful that the Lord sees fit to show me my weakness, that I can be fully broken, which enables me to be what I must be so that He can put me back together and make me strong.
Lest anyone think I'm some sort of superwoman (cause I have long and, at least at the end, really painful baby-birthing experiences), I feel to share some of my weakness which will then illustrate how Father made me strong... at least, I hope you'll understand it as I do. :)
I felt pretty good about everything and really didn't experience any "pain" resulting from contractions until more than half-way into the process of birthing Jimmy. That means that the painful time started well after the arrival of my midwife, her assistants, and my friends to care for my girls (later than 10am). I did need to breathe through the contractions starting around 4am, probably. But they really were not painful unless I was totally caught off guard.
Even after they got a bit painful, they were manageable if I focused well. And when I prayed while I focused, the pain melted away. I was able to continue in that way until around 5pm, I think. Maybe it was a little earlier or later, but around then I just got TIRED. And with the fatigue came a lesser ability to focus. And with that lesser ability to focus came the whispers of doubt. Doubt about my body being capeable. Doubt about whether the baby was faring well - even though I heard, for myself, his strong STEADY heartbeat! Doubt about any and everything that I could doubt, really. And doubt, you most certainly know, is only able to exist where Faith is lacking. Faith and doubt, like Faith and Fear, cannot co-exist in the same mind at the same time. And so I am weak. You see it, I hope. How my lack is weakness.
I've said it often enough, but I think, because it sounds like a joke, that people think I'm JUST joking. I say: "If I were one of Jesus's Disciples at the time of His ministry, we would not now say 'Doubting Thomas,' we would say, 'Doubting Tori'." I struggle with doubt almost constantly... though not nearly as constantly today as a few years ago. How is such a change as THAT possible? Certainly not because of any strength I inherently possess, else I would've resolved my doubter's tendancy long before turning to Christ! I know the only way to true and lasting Change is in and through Christ, Jesus. Only His merits can save - redeem - change us!
So, while laboring... I started to ask if I could go to the hospital. Yes. I did. I only ever asked Father 'cause I was afraid my pain combined with the voicing of the question would cause Jess to faulter in his firmness and steadiness in supporting me. Thankfully our Lord knows the end from the beginning and He told me very firmly and immediately after each request that I should stay home and everything would work out well. Now... please note here that I asked more than once. If I was a truly Faithful and strong woman, I would have asked once and trusted. No, not I. I asked MANY times. I don't know how many 'cause I lost count after the third time in the haze of labor-land. But even "just" three... seriously!?? I laugh, a bit hysterically and only internally, at my Faithlessness. What a lame chick I am! And I am weak.
What resolved the weakness? Prayer. Father. I gave up. I was defeated by myself. I was defeated and weak and unable to continue any longer or go any farther. And I told Father God all of it. And as I released my effort, He stepped in to make me more. As a result of His greater presence in me, I did things differently because I felt I must - I was led to do what needed to be done, I believe. I walked. I showered. I sat on the potty. And then I tried to take over and layed myself down in fatigue.
Eventually, I gave it all up again. The second time around was when Karen directed me to the funny position. But even then I didn't give up as completely as I should've until Jessie told me that after the next two contractions I would get up to do the position Karen had described. He urged me and I obeyed. I'm so thankful for His strength as my Patriarch and Partner during our labor for Jimmy! So, I did rise. I think I probably waited one extra contraction just cause I was being stubborn... but I did rise and stood in the funny position. And I walked. And I showered. And then I told Karen that I had to lay down, she had to check me. I knew the baby would come soon. None of that effort was me alone. Of course, I hadn't been physically alone the whole day, but I'd been relying on my own strength all too often.
Obviously, you know the rest of the story. :)
I know one of the most important lessons from this "mini-life" of Jimmy's birth experience (and my birth into being a Mother of four) is that I must rely more fully, more completely, and with more trust, on the Lord. How else can a girl get through this world with all its craziness and tread through the fear others would lay at her feet? I know I am weak, so I cannot do it without the lifting Grace of God. I am weak. And as I recognize my weakness, He lifts me to be more. To be made strong in and through Christ.
I believe we cannot progress well in this life with any semblence of peace, grace, or goodness unless we are supported from on High. I believe this so strongly because I know both sides of the effort. I was a non-believer - aetheist, then agnostic, then Christian, and then, as now, specifically Mormon Christian. I know I cannot be in Peace and face the world. I need the Angles (both heavenly and earth-bound) to bear me up lest I dash my toe... and as I recognize this, my need, and accept the help Father always provides in His time; my Peace, Faith, and Hope grow as I feel the Love of the Lord through the ministrations of His Angels. And, OH! SO many angels have been ministering to me and my family!!! What a gift! What a pleasure and JOY to feel so concretely the Love of our Father in Heaven!!!!
I'm so very grateful that the Lord sees fit to show me my weakness, that I can be fully broken, which enables me to be what I must be so that He can put me back together and make me strong.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Welcoming a Baby - Part 3
I totally don't have a clue about the time, but sometime during the afternoon, my friend Heather had to leave. And then she came back. I don't have a way to know how long she was gone, but she was gone and then back. Janet was with the girls while Heather was gone, of course, so I still felt safe and didn't feel any concern about my girls, THANKFULLY! What a blessing to have such friends!
So, it was probably around 8:30pm, or so, that we discovered that baby hwas in an acyclitical head presentation. Which means, just in case you're not sure (cause I wasn't when it happened with Kat), that baby's head was coming out cocked to the side, rather than presenting the smallest part of the head. Such presentation, I was told and have read, can/does lead to long labors with much pausing of labor and, in hospital, is often cause for C-Sections even when baby and Mom are coping well with the contractions. Thankfully both baby and I were coping well and we were at home with my awesome midwife. Baby remained in 140 almost constantly (with only a few 150s). And I was barely more than my norm through the whole pregnancy for bloodpressure and heart rate. Nice. WHAT a blessing!
When Karen felt the sutures on baby's head at around 8:30pm, and found them wrong, indicating acyclitic presenation, she directed me to stand in a funny position through 4 contractions and then remain standing and walking for a bit to get baby's head to apply pressure to my cervix. For the funny position, I had to stand with one leg up on a chair and turn my body as much as I could away from the leg on the chair. Then, I was to put my other leg on the chair with body turned away from it. Switch again. And then once more. Now, mind you, I'm totally tired and ready to just sleep through every moment in between contractions that I possibly could. By this point in labor, I haven't been really asleep for about 48 hours (the day before labor started, Friday, I did nap). Can a girl be tortured more during a natural childbirth? I rather think not! The contractions I endured in that funny position were the absolute worst contractions of the whole 14-15 hours since my midwife's arrival. Seriously hard core, cruddy, and totally painful. And it just got worse from there cause it's like those 4 contractions took away all my control, resolve, and ability to maintain any composure. I think I hurt my voice/throat, to boot, during the laboring time that followed the standing-leg position! *sigh*
It was all purposeful, though. I became truly broken (spiritually) and felt absolutely unable to continue on any further. I submitted more fully to the Lord than I had the whole day and, of course, He stepped in and made me stronger than I'd been as a result! Seriously awesome!! Our God is an AWESOME God!
Sometime in that last bit of labor my friend, Janet, had to leave.
The funny position (combined with the resolution of at least one of the issues I mentioned before) caused baby's head came into right presentation. I got to 9cm, almost 10 (but had a lip on one side or the other... can't remember which). So, I was to begin to push.
I think I've neglected to mention that there were some periods during the last 4 hours of being at 8cm that I went through a pushing phase in hopes of moving the baby's head down to press on my cervix and complete the process of dilation. Therewere at least 3, but I think 4 pushing phases of around 20 minutes each, at least. They all did help, I'm sure, but they certainly didn't bring baby out!
So, I pushed again. This was around 9:40pm, I think.. Even though I'd felt utterly and completely broken, physically: I'd just wanted to lie down and sleep through every non-contraction moment that I could and I'd asked the Lord, in prayer, if I could go to the hospital because I felt broken (as in physically incapeable of finishing the process) and just flat out unable to endure any more... during the last push when Karen told me that the cervix was moving out of the way and we could proceed, I felt more able and powerful in pushing than I had any of the other pushing times. I was absolutely surprised by that, but really shouldn't have been because, of course, that's when the Lord would step in. Of course!
Now, I'm a little confused about the timing because my midwife's assistant told me that from the time Karen said I was complete (cervix out of the way) to when baby was completely born was 3 minutes. Karen has said that the last pushing was 6-7 minutes. However, given that I wasn't sure I was pushing baby out those first 3-4 minutes, I'm not counting them as part of the push to deliver because, for me, they were the same as the other 3 or 4 pushing phases I'd been through previously! But I did get the baby out quickly, either way:3-7 minutes. And what a head of hair I felt as he crowned. :)
I did feel the ring of fire, but I was so paranoid that the baby would disappear back up inside me that I pushed straight through it! Seriously crazy hot pain, let me tell you. And I honestly don't know if anyone other than Jessie was talking me through the pushing, so I convinced myself that I wasn't really that far into the pushing of baby out. I did hear Jess telling me I was doing a good job. And I saw the same sweet expression of wonder and excitement (though those descriptors are tremendously inadequate to fully describe what I perceive in my man's expression each time I get our babies into the world).
There was a mad dash and rush to get the girls in the room to watch the crowning and birth. Especially because, I think I heard, that Tea was sleeping. Additionally, just as I was preparing to push I was asked if two sweet girls from church (the daughters of Janet and Tina, two of the three ladies I'd invited to attend and help with my daughters). Asking a woman in that phase of labor to change anything from her "plan" to something else she could refuse... well, you're gunna get a no if you're asking a woman like me. :( I wish I'd not said no, but perhaps it's best for those girls NOT to have seen the whole process... they might've been even more worried about baby birthing than the concern they felt when they heard what they did hear!
So, baby came out, set on Mama's tummy. YEAY! Mama euphoric. Daddy crying in joy.
...
No breath. Oh NO!
Stimulation. Nothing. Mama talking to baby. No change. Mama rubbing to get purple to go to pink with help from Karen. No breath. Jessie worried. The breath bag applied twice and baby started to breath. It's a bit of a blur, but I'm pretty sure that's about how it happened. And what a joy to hear THAT cry!!
So, with all that rubbing and everything, baby was out for a good few minutes and we didn't know what we'd made. Karen did. And when I began, at suggestion from others who wanted to know what we had, to move a leg and look, Karen specified that Daddy should check. I knew what we had when she said that. So, I watched Jessie as he looked betwee baby's legs. He looked and I glanced, just to make sure. Yep, a boy! What a joy. Either way it's joy. That's the treasure of babies!
John Matthew and we're calling him Jim and/or Jimmy for "short"
10 pounds 4 ounces
15.5 inch head
22.5 inches long
He is beautfiul baby! Reddish tinted skin, like Daddy. Beautfiul finger nails, like Daddy. Beautifully shaped eyebrows, like Daddy. FULL head of thick black hair, like all our babies. And SWEET temperment, like all our babies! What a joy!
For PART 1
So, it was probably around 8:30pm, or so, that we discovered that baby hwas in an acyclitical head presentation. Which means, just in case you're not sure (cause I wasn't when it happened with Kat), that baby's head was coming out cocked to the side, rather than presenting the smallest part of the head. Such presentation, I was told and have read, can/does lead to long labors with much pausing of labor and, in hospital, is often cause for C-Sections even when baby and Mom are coping well with the contractions. Thankfully both baby and I were coping well and we were at home with my awesome midwife. Baby remained in 140 almost constantly (with only a few 150s). And I was barely more than my norm through the whole pregnancy for bloodpressure and heart rate. Nice. WHAT a blessing!
When Karen felt the sutures on baby's head at around 8:30pm, and found them wrong, indicating acyclitic presenation, she directed me to stand in a funny position through 4 contractions and then remain standing and walking for a bit to get baby's head to apply pressure to my cervix. For the funny position, I had to stand with one leg up on a chair and turn my body as much as I could away from the leg on the chair. Then, I was to put my other leg on the chair with body turned away from it. Switch again. And then once more. Now, mind you, I'm totally tired and ready to just sleep through every moment in between contractions that I possibly could. By this point in labor, I haven't been really asleep for about 48 hours (the day before labor started, Friday, I did nap). Can a girl be tortured more during a natural childbirth? I rather think not! The contractions I endured in that funny position were the absolute worst contractions of the whole 14-15 hours since my midwife's arrival. Seriously hard core, cruddy, and totally painful. And it just got worse from there cause it's like those 4 contractions took away all my control, resolve, and ability to maintain any composure. I think I hurt my voice/throat, to boot, during the laboring time that followed the standing-leg position! *sigh*
It was all purposeful, though. I became truly broken (spiritually) and felt absolutely unable to continue on any further. I submitted more fully to the Lord than I had the whole day and, of course, He stepped in and made me stronger than I'd been as a result! Seriously awesome!! Our God is an AWESOME God!
Sometime in that last bit of labor my friend, Janet, had to leave.
The funny position (combined with the resolution of at least one of the issues I mentioned before) caused baby's head came into right presentation. I got to 9cm, almost 10 (but had a lip on one side or the other... can't remember which). So, I was to begin to push.
I think I've neglected to mention that there were some periods during the last 4 hours of being at 8cm that I went through a pushing phase in hopes of moving the baby's head down to press on my cervix and complete the process of dilation. Therewere at least 3, but I think 4 pushing phases of around 20 minutes each, at least. They all did help, I'm sure, but they certainly didn't bring baby out!
So, I pushed again. This was around 9:40pm, I think.. Even though I'd felt utterly and completely broken, physically: I'd just wanted to lie down and sleep through every non-contraction moment that I could and I'd asked the Lord, in prayer, if I could go to the hospital because I felt broken (as in physically incapeable of finishing the process) and just flat out unable to endure any more... during the last push when Karen told me that the cervix was moving out of the way and we could proceed, I felt more able and powerful in pushing than I had any of the other pushing times. I was absolutely surprised by that, but really shouldn't have been because, of course, that's when the Lord would step in. Of course!
Now, I'm a little confused about the timing because my midwife's assistant told me that from the time Karen said I was complete (cervix out of the way) to when baby was completely born was 3 minutes. Karen has said that the last pushing was 6-7 minutes. However, given that I wasn't sure I was pushing baby out those first 3-4 minutes, I'm not counting them as part of the push to deliver because, for me, they were the same as the other 3 or 4 pushing phases I'd been through previously! But I did get the baby out quickly, either way:3-7 minutes. And what a head of hair I felt as he crowned. :)
I did feel the ring of fire, but I was so paranoid that the baby would disappear back up inside me that I pushed straight through it! Seriously crazy hot pain, let me tell you. And I honestly don't know if anyone other than Jessie was talking me through the pushing, so I convinced myself that I wasn't really that far into the pushing of baby out. I did hear Jess telling me I was doing a good job. And I saw the same sweet expression of wonder and excitement (though those descriptors are tremendously inadequate to fully describe what I perceive in my man's expression each time I get our babies into the world).
There was a mad dash and rush to get the girls in the room to watch the crowning and birth. Especially because, I think I heard, that Tea was sleeping. Additionally, just as I was preparing to push I was asked if two sweet girls from church (the daughters of Janet and Tina, two of the three ladies I'd invited to attend and help with my daughters). Asking a woman in that phase of labor to change anything from her "plan" to something else she could refuse... well, you're gunna get a no if you're asking a woman like me. :( I wish I'd not said no, but perhaps it's best for those girls NOT to have seen the whole process... they might've been even more worried about baby birthing than the concern they felt when they heard what they did hear!
So, baby came out, set on Mama's tummy. YEAY! Mama euphoric. Daddy crying in joy.
...
No breath. Oh NO!
Stimulation. Nothing. Mama talking to baby. No change. Mama rubbing to get purple to go to pink with help from Karen. No breath. Jessie worried. The breath bag applied twice and baby started to breath. It's a bit of a blur, but I'm pretty sure that's about how it happened. And what a joy to hear THAT cry!!
So, with all that rubbing and everything, baby was out for a good few minutes and we didn't know what we'd made. Karen did. And when I began, at suggestion from others who wanted to know what we had, to move a leg and look, Karen specified that Daddy should check. I knew what we had when she said that. So, I watched Jessie as he looked betwee baby's legs. He looked and I glanced, just to make sure. Yep, a boy! What a joy. Either way it's joy. That's the treasure of babies!
John Matthew and we're calling him Jim and/or Jimmy for "short"
10 pounds 4 ounces
15.5 inch head
22.5 inches long
He is beautfiul baby! Reddish tinted skin, like Daddy. Beautfiul finger nails, like Daddy. Beautifully shaped eyebrows, like Daddy. FULL head of thick black hair, like all our babies. And SWEET temperment, like all our babies! What a joy!
For PART 1
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
statcounter
